of the thoughts of ours we say they're about never giving up every weekend on d, w, the the

consensus talked to about the type of the 28 punch. right? it says, and sometimes it's exhausting, trying to find in, in about another student in the home life can be exhausting. listening to people talk about pet t saying like slight very important if i could scream. but what good would that take? it was me. it's like jumping back and forth between 2, well the image i'm shipping, it's close. it's okay to enjoy yourself and just to now start but dealing with life and death, you have to process it. you con, distraught to telephone from this, the field on november, november the full. every time i come to the hospice, i'm filled with a kind of joy. it's not that easy to talk about is just anybody serious with you them time kind of nice. the dispensing could make you don't the time drowning an infinite sadness when i'm alone. but i do think about just a lot of that. i think i find positive energy in difficult situations as well as in happy one that i because barbara always says, learn how nice that you're here. and every time i think to myself,

how nice that i get to be. so you have the a hi it's been you a honda? i didn't i'm present in the hi i'm yeah. when is the new present us the dvd ash? 021 grams. so what does 21 grams refer to? that's roughly how much the human. so my way, it's not scientifically prove, and of course that's not true, but it needs the most of room for what. what does it leave room for? oh, crap. thank if the ones we want to make dash less of it today and we want to talk with you about things. people don't usually like to talk about time. so again, i'm

a companion for the dying, which means that i'm always standing at the crossroads between life and death lead to i've been doing this for 7 years now and i have the feeling this way cuz put way more intensity to how i'm living. because without death, there's no nice and also because of the one on top of that, i've also lost the siblings. so death is always played a big role for me. and then with my grandfather go. so i was 11 when he died and saw this decline, the other really alive man's we did so many things changed within just 2 months. i was there for all that. so that's been my experience with that so far. how busy you say you were at the funeral home about i was at the funeral and i saw him for the last time for the 2 weeks before he died. i visited him for the last time. he was already pretty far gone, how he'd regret a lot. he talked about his mother. he didn't really recognize anyone anymore, but he was still alive and still present somehow. or why his own grief helps us to see feelings more clearly and sense most subtle. and you're always getting mixed

because grief doesn't begin with the death of a person. so agree, so he just like this is a fact of life that accompanies us. it was just like i accompanied an 8 year old girl who loves to a 12 year old sister to bone campsite fund on dublin, you know, doing the family rights off to the dad to come by. and that was l r. i noticed that she was sometimes the police side for a moment, a moment, and then she was okay and it's been divided. so we go back to play a piece of control up with this. like she jumped from one pool of sadness to the next box and then often it's the case with us adults that we think of just such a way of grief that we call and get house events. we will mess drowned and it then goes, i definitely noticed that some major differences between children and adults of oxygen and all the on the

estimate assessed for a few weeks. so i've seen accompanying mandy who has a serious health conditions now soon she will die. she's on the waiting list for hospice bed of on demand vice funds divide, signed yet. right. so let's just i was wondering about your bucket list or i would have called a wish list of, of what you call a bucket list in there. for instance, tom. yeah, it's quite a funny story. i saw a movie wants to feel stuck to her in the hospital and they said to themselves, hey, i still have certain things that i would like to do or has the field before i kick the bucket, to go home and they still up before she moved up, you know, and then it became so clear to me, a bucket list, which of those things that i would still like to do before i kick the bucket, to move up to the top feeder that you have so many or 40 or 40 to right. now wow, and 2 of the ones that just codes you've done those to exactly. i to feel the or

shape them some houses. it was sort of and it was funny in the beginning, when you think about it for it's like what do you really want to do or experience in your life or something where it's like there were a couple of things where i thought to myself as well hello, this might be exactly what i want from life government for to happen. for example, i'd like to eat fresh strawberries or fly. i thought that would never really happen . then suddenly i found myself sitting in an ultra light airplane. and it was like, wow, well, because flying me kind of means interesting to me. probably because i had a near death experience. i felt this kind of freedom then to be honest, irish things i had good her from this. i'm not of the kind of felt some of that again and this out for lifeline. this is just existing between heaven and that was really fascinating for me to finish for senior type decision. as i'm, when did you start writing all that down because i'm,

i'm going to box for the next 9. google list immediately off to my la surgery from which was when i decided not to undergo any more surgeries, that was a very major operation because they had to do super late me 4 times. and it became very clear to me like no, i've had a total of 11 life saving hot intervention skies, but that's enough. or i didn't the same bread, so to speak. i decided to take this palliative rogia to and also to pursue these wishes. so if i could list of what i'd like to do, and i still haven't got their final set, you've already had a near death experience. um, how does, what do you think happens after death and told me no, it's been for the stuff. what about sort while i'm totally convinced that i know because in this new test experience, i didn't see a bright light tunnel like some people too. i saw myself dying from above. for me, it was completely bizarre because i could hear and feel this crazy alarm sound.

coming from the marta i could field and this is 5th. but at the same time there was also a complete stillness total silence. so it was completely quiet and noisy at the same time. and there was also the total piece. i noticed that i no longer had any questions. i also had this strange, 360 degree view without having to move in any particular way. that's let's come give you. it became clear to me in the, in the end, the 1st thing would be why mail? my notice that me from and then it was clear, well, hello, there you go. and my fear of death immediately vanished off to this near death experience phone, contact the number on the, the

money you take about it and it's gone. yes, it's going about that. that's what i'd like to ride the road coaster. okay. but that was pretty cool too. yeah, as to april, the 11th i meant hello, i said children's bereavement, great. i was leading just reply to a few months before had big sister died of bone cancer. she was only 12 and, and it was 8 years old. and somehow we instantly clicked. and since then i have a company the family show through that grief, joy, i'm dying gum. yeah. does ita sits in her folder? tell me what you're planning nice than done reading the document. yeah. okay. i'm or yeah, i just have your mind. i have my dissertation so bad guys, and we also have, i'm interested in the agency of terminally ill children to nephew to vanish. and

because i think that children onto involves nearly enough in this whole process when it comes to therapy meshes and just being included in the whole decision making process. it seems as though it is, i can tell you, i think you should definitely let the kids have their so it's gonna be deed of course you could also consider the parents perspective, the design other actually assessing how equipped to their children or to decide on these issues a way to, to non so it but the children should definitely be involved. you should ask about their opinions and wishes and also about agency dealt with and i got some vendors and all that. do you think that you, for your company, different families? so my doctoral thesis now for a few months for a year, then i might get to many different perspectives because no 2 families there were like, do the other than glad i then somehow incorporate them. oh, come talk to me. know, would that still be scientific enough? to some assistance factors them, you know, does that come that qualitative social research? it could be and really going into depth not taking a broad approach or feet of felt. and then it becomes less about having as many cases or families as possible. and more about looking at what are the very concrete,

subjective issues that come up and asking a terminally ill child these questions into something done. and if you do that over a long period of time, you will need significantly fewer cases then if you were to just conduct a series of interviews. so i would 1st wait until you have the research design and use, and then you can look at the next step is done. how many families do you need to answer your questions? find something to that will be decided on the fine print since june. the 15th. the thing for me that still inexplicable is how the time i spend in the hospice is imbued with the menlo de cool, nice, gentle rhythm of nice weather. adagio will presto, mine, arrow major. everything's held together by a structure, everything interact just with everything else. it's like the values that we define to, man, i'm increasingly aware of the emotional depths that sign codes based in the word itself and its inhabitants. hassan got this. this is, this is, i feel very, very comfortable here. i just have to say that over fee is i had to just go on.

although i can't say exactly why i simply feel comfortable here. i feel like i'm in good hands. you know, good old school. that's always for me. i never used to feel this way, but eventually it's a relevant whether i still have 3 months or only for another 2 years from that. it's just not the important piece. it is hard. i'm enjoying this time that i have now like this is, it's beautiful because all the things that i have suffered in my cost don't matter anymore that is that versus a developer. this is how was it for you to grow up in an alternate gmc goes into effect. doesn't shape me a lot, for example, because of that experience. i didn't want to come here. i didn't want to come to this hospice life isn't very easy. is it for you this too much ahead of you? you don't even know it yet. so that's something else that's good for me. i'm gonna look there's not much that can happen to me anymore. buffy on them. are you afraid

of death because it doesn't sound like it's only a roll please? no, no sal, especially since i was told that my dad would be simply losing my strength, losing the desire to do anything with the visa of of said it would be like slowly saying good bye to life and falling asleep. when the i'm and i will not resist this study this, this is only, i think the death comes when it's supposed to come done. and that is quite reassuring domains friends for the mind, like in the

each oh by the applied to on the side to be a v. as in boston, the items on the east august, august, the 21st i'm leaving

a message to me personally is supporting the people here and making their lives multiple because so i want to put a smile on their faces and enjoy life with them to the fullest over as much as possible, life is so precious and we only get one, even if he knows it's incredible. we assume you should still make every my minutes and unforgettable quantities and maybe i'm taking on a bit too much for. but that's my goal. notice, and you should always have a goal and so don't mind seeing how ok. so i think these need to go back. yeah, i said no, yes i had the same. so when i saw that it somehow doesn't fit to to that's what will come. where do these blocks come from the big data. there's only the pink one here now, to me that's a little to, to, so really i understand down so you know, really fun up. some again, one's gonna exactly. so we're looking at windows of nearing it like this.

yes. okay. as positive matches look good. i work on the phone or across the us to very good. yes, great. then really, so i'm just clicking that and then i'm excited to talk about the back cover. takes things we can think about. the design is the back cover to hopefully look side to mid threes. things come then then maybe we can look at the whole phone. go on and this paragraph, it's important to me that these 10 insides come across even stronger. does it, does it seem as if the books about coming, okay this, the semester's pool? so, and it's not just, and the people dealing with this it's on the phone number to sign conductress is as you always put it so beautifully. people who are dealing with death don't need to take a mindfulness. cool. yeah. yeah. kind of does. instead of a gosh, i don't want to write this book i need for people who are confronting death right

now. but for everyone, because this is a subject with effect. so, so i'm going to swing willow, die at some point. and that's why it's so important to somehow deal with the subject before hand. it's what i answered when dest eventually happens, it wouldn't be as difficult to manage the, this is isaac boot strawberries, lost a cool, that's totally sweet of you. 8 after that, so in your bucket list, you can set fresh from random back look really fresh to thank you very much on chris, about one right now. i'd love one. great. so it's good to say i haven't eaten store of waste for ages. so yes, that was a great idea of yours. my pleasure,

please eat there is still plenty in the town. yes, that's great. i always loved them as a child to my grandmother had a huge god and back then, i'm from the 3rd. if it was filled with strawberries and cards, things like that. and i was just really present whenever i was a, you'd only find me in the garden. and because i had that also, it also has a lot to do with your childhood, right? strawberries are not so do you want people 2 weeks to please at your funeral level or do i, what do you think about it? see what else? you know, some people really like things like that for you. for example, i could totally imagine people drinking coffee at my funeral. i think that's kind of cool because i also like to drink coffee all the time. if enough, like, i'll be downstairs and some to do to you can drink something. this doesn't time to me for them. i'm not quite sure about it. usually i don't wear black. i make out

the 1st. should i take some of again that name? is that okay this much so far? yeah. fair cool. very cool. it's somehow much smaller than i expected to ask about . okay, so look so much bigger on tv. oh. of the diesels, in line with a 27 year old company. the diameter. yes. and then i got that question fairly often . and i always think to myself, why wouldn't i miss of the bottom it? why is the scene is something that said the queue? yes, yes, it's something that everyone finds so difficult and they say, hey, why you doing this? why are you dealing with such a heavy subject to such a young, a end table for me? for me, it doesn't feel heavy for me is for me it's more question of why isn't this a normal thing for us to do it on? is it, is this without something i just don't because i walk is with teeth for me. it on

this day when this dentist have relationships, liam on this emptiness and fall, and just being in this pure existence, poor dogs line. i think that's what makes me feel even more life and screwing less high china. i've got lucy here. yeah. it's just way too much going the flour, but we don't have to cook with it. let's see. no, that's right. you can type some mouse. so much color flour didn't know what to do with so much cauliflower. i think i turned it to the overestimate to where the k no

stress the yeah yeah. nonsense i'm, i made the 19th. he passed away on speakers. they said he wouldn't peacefully in his sleep. i know it must have been a relief for him to finally guys, but it still has the mazda when i go to visit with him full time side, how designed his eyes were always shining until he couldn't type in the many more. then he was just sleeping, speechless, mixed only later did i realize how much these meetings had changed me. the interplay of life and death accompanies us every day. we don't want to acknowledge it, unless dest directly affects us. so someone in our family media, you bought this, this was still ringing my ears. he was never afraid of death thought he was only afraid of life, but i'm leaving. why not be here? you go, thanks. have

a good flight for 14. okay. and then please check in with ms. britsky in room 13 to see if he's ready. i know i'm bringing you. not sure this looks delicious, missus. shiva kinda oh oh my god god, it always sounds delicious. this is fantastic. right. wow. just great. i had hoped for this, i think you requested a sorry guess with potatoes in him. yes. because identification today's friday. right. it smelled like face didn't it? and i was like, yeah, yes, that's a much better. now let's tend towards meet them. i can ages everything is the my milk is this, so everything is good. we've got everything. yes, of course. good. thank you. shouldn't go unhappy. t. c, late to by accident on november, november the 18th. every now and then i experience moments of doubts. even though

i'm set this, i found my life cooling, working in a hospice. there are also times when i feel pushed to my limits and some things. and i wonder if i can really do this, come accompany people on that journey. understood like like well, we're christening the book. i think congratulations . thank you. is like september the 6 inch thick from time to time when i forget to when my name tag people asked me how long i have been a patient to you. the total cost is my end fault because i deliberately shaved my hat, but was mine a hot up? bless the unless i'd been thinking of shaving my head down to 3 millimeters for a while. you publish it through now this, i've actually done it. i feel a lot more feminine than i did before, simply because it feels so much more comfortable. so if you want to feel that maybe

i'm always looking to do something extremely extremely because we haven't a sense to into april the 16th a musical afternoon in the hospice the year was the last sense to reopen, to stop functioning apart from that music. trans thoughts so much more than just a few notes. it's beautiful to see when it looks something in a person's mind and causes memories to come flooding back. now, yes, i'm the guy with arkansas now for version blowing vision mission and yet, so to me it looks great. wow. and there's a list of national risk. and now look, i know the rights into may, the 13th the she was asleep. i sat down with her intuitively and started to speak.

i'm sure if she could tell me or not, it's not me. it took her hands and started to cry. i could not understand how such a special person could be destroyed by this disease. that defense in the corners of her mouth turned up and she pressed my hands tightly to her heart. i can't remember a moment in my life that was as full of looms, love and energy as this one is. uh, the uh, let's how good truman. and if it was funny, you think so, i really like you to, so call me right in the 5. say what do you think about the streaming for a little behind? why here, man, well then you can just like to. so last of it that's, it works out maybe ok and or sadness or even just to feel really happy because i still saw it because sometimes it's just nice to scream at all. okay. but then you also have to join in of

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