worry about survival. how much do we get the tennis i was the only one. what lies music in nazi germany. watch now on youtube dw documentary. the the that is happening in the tides in dallas during those really difficult times when i bought myself arrangements funding, it's about to fly and as possible. and i called it my promissory spring and miss with it. i promise myself that i'm not today. i wouldn't take my own life and these i'm talking in the miss nemo student if i still make that promise every day. and that has a very special meaning for me is to have a thoughts on for me. is that?

yeah, it's been my name is i've seen that i'm 22 years old. yeah, and i still do psychology at mazda of human s t is inside of me every day i face the decision to leave every day i choose life is to and i'm actually a very cheerful person. but if i had to describe myself in the policy, i'd say i was someone suffering by the depression and it's amazing disorder as strongly as coverage for the listing. i think i'm on the right tall, big or fenced in a long way to go. but i do believe i'm home, the right office in the coming away from the, from yet those minutes. so it's like it's, it's almost as when i was 16 when i had kinda capex. and i also didn't even realize that i was crossing myself because as of him, that was a way for me to deal with my emotion based including ones. i didn't want anyone to

see him as soon as you might have seen less lilian self as might sound controversial of the behaviors, save my life, got them on this. i don't mean to say that it was right or a good way to deal with emotion, which i have just inside it went through and the also the right way this little to turn to someone on the and then an emergency to go to a clinic of of the month, solution effects, as long as it should be fine if you're choosing between death himself home on both and you know how founded on the list for other people. if you took your life, then you draw the choose the option that way you might end up in hospital, but you're still alive. how many months? and that's what i did post marked there. you might help. you can help chop to sophia,

i didn't buy any of you can come fresh. do you have anything else you can put on it? otherwise we still have the yeah, yeah, well good, really? wondering with some, not me that i did for you with volleyball that goes so to speak with us in the past . and we're like a little family, very close. emily, she is feel very comfortable here because there's always someone to talk to it. but there's model and much more. there's always someone that you think of, i'm just going to, it's just a nice to be looking to have found that sounds great people that lived with us. i'm one golf as well. thanks me to feel comfortable here. so you might don't take the around, it literally says percentage to revise the whole, we want to have a toast and we need some glasses please. oh, okay. first of course, to the successful weekend to uh, to the apartment looking the way it does again and all the chaos we overlooked. the

fact that sophia has been living here for a year just to be up to the apartments of southern beaches. glad you found your way here. thanks for letting me loose club as a fashion here. i'm going sophia moved in here. she was already in a relatively good place for electrical or vice cups. otherwise, i don't think she would have made the decision to move in with strangers so far away. so, you know, it makes such a big leads into a completely new lives. some of the single shows on demand over the decisions you may deem down most about some things you really wanted to do or, and we just reinforce data from the world. prophetic tom mazda of these, he already made that decision for herself, and we supported her. the note on test, it's me choosing life simply means i want to be higher. i want to experience joy, the sadness, everything cards. it's all part of life. so i can definitely so that in sylvia as a feel for you and fire. yeah. as we checked in the country,

i start with the account when i was deep into my eating disorder. and for me guessing, i also have not just sort of was about issues online specifically. i wanted to share of what i was going through. that's including the release that my life goes on to that nice to where i want to the other people i to hear about 2 months of payments. but as i know the most of all the consumer wants to know. anyone who pays a couch in the next 2 weeks from an excel, larry sent me a line live on a quick. well, i think would be cool to live alone. just felt like this. i know i'll be able to do is at some point of a right now i feel a bit too insecure of this. you know, the most that you do have to try these the, i'm always on a bit of a tight bro bus. so i wonder what should i try, what am i capable of the tone? when should i believe my self and what is the do too dangerous status of a surprise? i know i'll get the stuff i will be able to live in the top is possible. come the

best as much is the toughest positive cuz i think i was like, you know, trick the next for 11 and a half so about so yeah, i always wanted to come across as perfect that i had to put it in canada. if not, everything was great and that was destroyed by the fact that i ended up in the clinic between account it's got kind of like when i was deep into my eating disorder, there wasn't a 2nd in my life that i was free of it. i was constantly thinking about it constantly, did i? oh, i couldn't stop back. i wouldn't lie awake at night thinking about food as would it be felt like every thing happened, sprinkled with corey's father instead of asking some gift the spring canals on the same goes for depression and he's when it takes over everything in your life . when last a face to face and you can no longer enjoy a move and feel fulfilled,

you feel like a show a food fruits and when that's the case, it makes complete sense to things like, okay, that's nothing easy to spin. this is where i'm getting my 1st step to say, and it's going to be the lessons m c l 5th for the 1st time instead of me choosing life, which also ties into the industry. the challenge with i'm saying, oh oh, so you know high res, you ok is madeline called me. yeah. you can see that. okay, if it is right it's the left is m c l, lowercase it is on the sadness fever. okay. okay. what size also can be fine? cuz the a task such as,

as for the lease, i was just going, i was about 9 months of again, i was scared at the beginning because she came on his wishes because one of the same for turn off was mom and i was conscious of my arms and legs, little 5 times a lot because you know, within 2 or 3 months of doing it every day, it's changed kind of present low cost but and then the find to nominate people, see the scholars have been not the home. and then the, on my mind anyway, maybe once in an hour, that's a mazda stem of political subscripts. as well as the don't. and i couldn't look at myself in the mirror for a while and because i hated myself the best phone and you'll all have scholars for the rest of my life. like the when i have children, all the, the mom with the sick on. so it's an outline what as far as the interview, that was about it and, and feeling just this isn't the healthy pulse of need doesn't want to have the skills and does he want to identify with that part of it on the other. paul to absolutely wants to have the stalls and one by the identify with them that both of

my thoughts as me and i showed with these questions, it's crazy. like that's not how forever i agree you're to to and we can make small lines for okay. well, it was easily move, especially the movement of realization ascending hair and can proudly say, so i've chosen life. so that starts with i'm going to do something because i never thought i'd be able to get to talk to because i never thought i wouldn't get it to this phone. so you can get out to these like com dosage i've done tend to have them kind of see are those to the most of us and he has a problem by his racing and i'm shaking a bit off. i'm nervous, just because a lot happens here that has negative association as well. yeah. you got to you don't have in the low darling. let me go distance appointment thinking that the

worst moment was here in the clinic when you had the address is you know there. i say that my saw, my god, how emaciated you were in the veins. everything was blue. they couldn't take your blood vain. and so alice low, you haven't got it. you couldn't dick, i can't brute up name, but yeah, i have to pump pension the closer because i the blood had repeated them to your torso. so with that, so your body eliminate competitive emergency alarm system cut after that, i really light on coming here. as there's plenty of guiding people. you have a to say as the thing you it was like, okay, usually slaves now. so for me that was how you started to take and quit tie up. you know, i don't take is if i don't you don't know something else and then yeah, my dad was also diagnosed and depression some time ago. do you close to to sign type when you saw a part of myself and daughter saw how withdrawn she loved when you helped us can

knew what that feels like with me. i'd hope that wouldn't affect her, but when it hit her, it was not be able to me it's, it's, it's off. i mean there's always guns. have you spoken to the doctor about it? they actually have it. they have an appointment. sonya we've been isn't. what are you okay to look at some stuff that might come up for you about them went through this moment. yes. i know that all the time on thursday is also the other is well i don't take anything else. we don't sleep as much that one by i was down the road a of the on the other side just i'm glad you mean the ground floor. yeah. to sure long has been a while to thank god for years ago. this is because i feel, yeah, as i said the feels good. we're good. good is confusing issue because i need to have someone that good. sorry. no, that's okay. what's the season? what can i say? it's the way it is expensive. i'm down. it's good. it's launched my oven there, used to be a season around having difficulties. and so if you feel feel guys about it on social media, have gone on to an often with the different generation owns. and those of us also been

a shift and the reside in the social awareness on that topic has become socially acceptable done. and innovations about discussing it have dropped significantly when i'm talking about the status of the mtv to talk about. so even if it's a good thing or not yet, yeah, let me just have that. it's been a good thing for me to. it's not good. finally let go and talked about it last lesson. what i mean by them was able come from about 5 minutes. i'd often wonder job, but what sort of clips kind of look because i skipped so chris jessica, finish your having a completely different conversations. now both gardner loans have some relationship with each other, fuels and the government started doing but had to hold at some point just feeling so alone for so long. if there are so many people out there who feel the same way and i wanted to share of what i was going through, including their life that life goes on by to get. it's such

a serious where they take nothing for me to get myself to know. joining fun. oh my god is lots of times, but i wanted to share my experiences. i wanted other people to hear that be comfortable. the feedback i goes on this account was so encouraging that then i stopped posting for one thing i started to feel people expected me to perform or her son in fossil. no one gave me that feelings on that post most. that was pressure. i put it on myself that english mentioned doc teacher games and then just went to the old of those adults because i realized i had to go with the cost of my boss. and that helped us as dean time. and i think i had a little of just those rights to close that chapter of my life. if we just move on of this into the real value in the opposite reason. and just sort of assuming that the item that i thought i'd just leave the search find, i didn't really want to go to entire skin until i turned in my mind to them.

therapy was something only crazy. people have to tell them it's and. and when i was a message with a shot, i was immediately assigned to therapist and he liked off now and i soon became a great for for the session because i tried to co authorize the buffers. tell people come up and how for example, i always write down everything that we discussed on thursday. so if you so much so that i wouldn't forget to, especially i kept thinking about this again, right here in the balance of all 5. that's when i wrote an incredible amount in my diary during that time. that side it's done. and then i would say, let's go for the election. yeah. it has a little tough here. therapies look into because of my heating personal items. portez was the most impulse, and i would say that was maybe not the most important. one of the last i go to the 600 we went for so many walks and we'd always donaldson and take

a look back. leave went home to cook. yep. so subtle is true. that's a whole, it's nice to look back and it's important to remember everything that happened and everything you've already most time to talk to you the question of my husband and what you've achieved. sophia is trying to, sophia, is someone who likes to laugh away her difficulties. i didn't think she was smiling when i 1st met her. and to sophia, there was something oh that's looking beneath the surface into how it was. i'm the looped is 5 and i were always on the west to be searching for the right words and to express how she was feeling in disguise. and i was pleasant to cut over time. she became a master, undoubted side. okay, so i know my stuff and i always say it's like in the danverse thing. so our river starting to flow to withdraw him and his force and flew standards for the single comb with an ongoing craft and come then came bernard guns. then i became bender

of lou, the bad the came around the phone, sitting down with a full phone with one of the splash image of depression. you can close the huge dog lying on your chest or stick. yes, exactly. and then you interact isn't commands like zip down and stay in. yeah. yeah yeah that's right. the system was i supposed to have to stop and you had that other character when you had the eating disorder so i think was good hall this the calorie counter. howard, they're kind of, you know, okay, now they're kind of in saying that i so did you remember the line my come to school for the paper type and he did. 2 you have him on so on move on, we set up a kind of early warning system to allow sophia to recognize when it's getting dark

and cold again, we've done decades to counteract that with the help of therapy session, internal partition context. see these days, hoyt, she has much more resilience as agents and in come her slightly different mind. so since i'm the for both that so, so you have toyed, she's come to know that even the deepest emotional a dentist because it was very difficult situations. you can be overcome, but the, the hand experience that no one can take away from her. and it's something she now shares with others is tied cl smith. and then we have all thomas, once we do not find the ones that would be like, if i became a 3rd person to you and she always said that we could do it together, something to, i'm really talking me that's happens, you'll see i've, it'll still so it isn't in my mind because she buys to me when i didn't believe it myself, so totally honest, over 60, she said we do it some day. and now here i am studying. so i don't want to do is crazy because those costs the

economy cues nowadays i look forward to coming home because it's also nice that i can be this happy again. because for a while it was difficult for me to come home because it has nothing to do with my family and it was my room. so like then when i was feeling that i was usually altering my room, smashed and then tomorrow yes. so even if it's was i have my 1st sounds of depression when i was 11, no 12 and solve what stopped me. humming myself, this was the youngest, as a light switch and disorder up cause pat and then so fun in replacing the same disorder. i was just was, i always needed something like a mechanism to deal with what was going on inside of the main cause feeling is that sense of emptiness and within the so the big

cold sophia button on so often they, sophia, was always a very bright child, she wasn't afraid to because she would try anything. she had friends, she did well in school, how she enjoyed her hobbies all. i took the mocked when the shop, i've often wondered how we could have some thought if it's something was wrong. that's an issue. i asked for many times if she was okay us on this quote for free for bed. i would go to the mines to mountain top estate always say, well guess mom. everything's fine. yeah. yeah. moment i was reassured, for 2 months it's the fleeting. but you constantly reproach yourself for having overlooks. i'm saying this for bill for this one of us about saying what i don't. why doesn't tell you? i've been to the city the sofa and the sky was a small farm. i made chocolate road yesterday and i was afraid for her life as well as it pulled the rug out from under my feet and a good food. yeah,

i was scared for her. i'm so scared to death because i so yeah, you love it. when i do this for your birthdays so that these are you did this, you know why, since you didn't want anything weren't there to protect it? how should i have to assume? no, it wasn't. i want to modify this my go, your sort of activity to the, to the is it helps with it this. yeah. just to have to have somebody. yes. so it is . i said of them my family and friends. i wouldn't be here anymore. they i'm speaking yes. hi, lindsey, it's less than makes me happy every time she laughs now because it's not something i take for granted. that's awesome. i'll be the shooting. always nice to see are in a good mood. i'm gonna have to have a good time together. i time because i just wasn't possible before about some dust fits. so we lived together and our relationship keeps getting better and stronger. i'm very grateful. i'm just when i use my bitch don't shop you in the content. i

have a card hanging here that says everything will be good in the end and if it's not good yet, and it's not the end. and so i keep telling myself to do with things as they come to always move forward from it's going to support her and give her what she needs. and she must investigate mostly, but also to step back food and stay out of it when she doesn't need to finish the boxes on the list for funding to i from the hi. how are you? good. you know, the coffee over the by the finish code here. you have the blanket. right. that, you know?

yeah. it's good. that's how i was worried. we didn't have one excuse. i didn't mind maxime is one of my best friends. and one of the most important people in my life of the and 5, we've been close for a very normal time now at least 10 years and the other a. yeah, i'm very grateful for this is this, the cell phone is the upstairs in my room. when things are bad, i might possibly talk to her about because it was difficult because we have to continue to choose life and time because it has to be an active decision every day . the and i didn't really feel that my wife was was living in harbor, but i had to make the decision that i wanted to the success of those. that super difficult. it's super, she's a, if we'd spend a day back then like today, all right, so i'm driving to this me having, i'm taking a huge hole. king non fixes may be playing college with something either from what has been 9 costumes. peter as a full service of and wouldn't have given me any when the of the energy assistance for life and how is that i feel right now and then slide onto the part is just kind

of screw this and send you the comments lovely on things to know for me. mm hm. well then when should they go? how to maybe launch it for you think is low cost, but as i'm crazy, just 4 years ago i would have nothing on the slow months. oil on them and now i don't have to get muscle use of synchronized. oh i thought that too much these young are so nice and most also look like i'm does. i'm happy to the all the different new foods, just anything here i don't even have to think about them and that way you know what? i'm so sure. as long as i remember the 1st time i was in hospital with you and what did you have to like to get some of those uh, for each of those of miss. not just for sure. i know you said it was a far as i remember sitting there thinking sophia just opened them spinning as well . i just use it, at least for them so they don't get upset. i'm just thinking of that. i just couldn't do it. we just knew you always have to solve

a new file or that was the crazy time you owns that it makes it all the nicer that we can be here now, but it's no longer in issues. the scripts we can just sit here, eat together the carefree, and so i'm so grateful to help us here's keeping it that way, keeping it that way. well, let's do sophia. now she's still much stronger than she used to be dead. stop. i think at some point she discovered the fighter within her head that you can really see that the money that's from just push the start off. that's it. i'm not moving my. my board was a huge, locked out of these and slips. and you see, i mean, she's so strong, the star full of life now obviously go to swat. i hope shall always be able to draw on the fighting spirit within her. and us often made and when times change and things get worse flushed of it, this is it. i hope she keeps it with her. stay strong and dear to keep asking for help bye to him. even when she knows she can do it by yourself upwards, i shall steps cuz i want her to be and remain happy life. i want her to fulfill her dreams and i want her to come out of all of this feeling stronger. the extinguished

cost, the type of colors does cost. i certainly think you can imagine that if you haven't experienced those, please mind, that's how other match level it is to see yourself in the future. sitting someone. nothing has trudy being in the movement enjoying the day and not thinking for g. i don't feel anything. this doesn't smoke anything. i mean the scottish scenarios today. i can say that i feel single so deeply and i'm ever so grateful for things. i never thought this day would come to a tech come that's. that's why i'm convinced absolutely convinced on the writing home mostly signed certain guys. alright. the

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