migraine sent me some policy stuff, november 9th, on dw, the the document in the tides in dallas during those really difficult times, my boat, myself arrangements funding. it's about to fly and the spies on i called it my problem is i'm a spring and miss with it. i promised myself without on that day i wouldn't take my own life and these i'm talking indeed miss nemo student, if i still make that promise every day, and that has a very special meaning for me is to have a thoughts on for me is yeah,

you spend my name associate that i'm 22 years old. yeah, and i still do psychology at mazda of university is inside of me every day i face the decision to leave every day i choose life is to and i'm actually a very cheerful person. but if i have to describe myself and the costs, let's say i was someone's suffering by the depression, and it's amazing disorder strongly traversed enough listing. i think i'm on the right tall, big or fenced in a long way to go. but i do believe i'm home the right office in the coming on way from the from yet does minutes. since i gets it all says when i was 16 when i had kind of capex. and i also didn't even realize that i was causing myself to test,

as i've seen. that was a way for me to deal with my emotion based including ones. i didn't want anyone to see him as soon as you might have seen less than 1000000 such as might sound controversial of the behavior, save my life, got them on this. i don't mean to say that it was right or a good way to deal with a motion to have this inside able to on the, on the right way. this little to turn to someone on the and then an emergency to go to a clinic of other month solution effects as long as that should be fine if you're choosing between death himself home on both and you know, hope out on the list for other people if you took your own life, then you draw the choose the option that can come where you might end up in hospital, but you're still alive. how many months? and that's what i did. that's i was too much there you my health. you can help job

to sophia, i didn't buy any of you can come fresh. do you have anything else you can put on it? otherwise we still have the yeah, yeah, well good, really. one here with some and then me lives here with 5 of the goes so to speak with us and upon. and we're like a little family, very close. emily, she is. feel very comfortable here because there's always someone to talk to it. but there's middle and much more. there's always someone that you think of. i'm usually it's just a nice to be like to have found and don't just great people to live with as i'm wound up as like me to feel comfortable here. so i don't take down around the least expensive to revise. no. oh, we want to have a toast and we need some glasses please. oh, okay. let's do this 1st. i'm for to

a successful weekend to uh, to the apartment looking the way it does again. and all the chaos we overlooked. the fact that sophia has been living here for a year. you go to the apartments of southern beaches. glad you found your way here. thanks for letting me know who's got as a fashion here. i think when sophia moved in here, she was already in a relatively good place for electrical or vice cups of otherwise i don't think she would have made the decision to move in with strangers so far away. so, you know, and make such a big legion to a completely new life. for me, i haven't done a single shows on my internet decision. she made them down, mess with something she really wanted to do or, and we just reinforce deadra, small prophetic tom mazda of these. he already made that decision for herself, and we supported her. the new dot on, on touch to meet using life simply means i want to be here. i want to experience joy and the sadness, everything. it's all part of life. so i can definitely so that in sylvia as

a feel for you and fire. yeah, just as we typed in the account, i should also have the account when i was deep into my eating disorder. and for me, guessing i also have done disorder was about to choose online to sleep. i wanted to share of what i was going through. that's including the relief that life goes on to that life. so what i want you to other people i to hear about 2 months of payments . but as i know, the most of all the consumer wants to know. anyone who pays a couch in the next 2 weeks will take an excel. larry sent me a line live on a quick. well, i think it would be cool to live alone. we felt like this, i know we'll be able to do is at some point of a right now, i feel a bit too insecure of this. you know, the most that you do have to try these the i'm always on a bit of a tight road, but so i wonder, what should i try? what am i capable of the tone? when should i believe i myself and what is the deal too dangerous? the status of a surprise? i know i'll get the stuff i will be able to live in the as it's not is possible

kind the best as much is the toughest positive. i think i was like, you know, what's in the next for 11 and a half months. so about a year. i always wanted to come across as perfect that i had a public prolong. if not everything was great. and that was destroyed by the fact that i ended up in the clinic between account it's got kind of extended when i was deep into my eating disorder. there wasn't a 2nd in my life that i was free of it. i was constantly thinking about it constantly, did i? oh, i couldn't stop back. i would not all you awake at night thinking about food as would it be felt like every thing happened? sprinkled with k, as in apple, a set of us can some gift the spring canals on the same goes for depression

and he's when it takes over everything in your life when last a face to face. and you can no longer enjoy a moving metal feel fulfilled. you feel like a shell, a food fruits. and then when that's the case, it makes complete sense to things like, okay, that's nothing easy that's been, this is where i'm getting my 1st step to today and it's going to be the left is m c l 5th full can push them instead of me choosing life which also ties into the into the challenge with i'm saying, oh, okay. so you know high res, you ok is madeline called me. yeah. you can see if i could but yeah. okay. if it is right, the left is m c l lowercase. it is on august angus fever. mm. okay. okay. what size also can be fine. mm hm. which by the tosh,

it does have it as, as far as the least colors are coming out, it's about 9 months. again, i was scared or that'd be getting into shame on this question is because one of these channels to turn off was mom and i was conscious of my arms and legs and i'll find time for doctors, you know, within 2 or 3 months of doing it every day it's changed kind of a low cost, but, and then the $5.00 to nominate people see the scholars have been not the home. and then the on my mind, anybody i maybe want to our, that's a must stay with political subscripts. as well as most of the bits of the don't. and i couldn't look at myself in the mirror for a while and because i hated myself and best phone and you'll all have scholars for the rest of my life. my god. when i have children, all the, the mom with the sick on. so it's an outline what as far as the interview and i was going in and, and feeling just this isn't the healthy part of me,

doesn't want to have the skills and does he want to identify with that part of it? the other paul to absolutely wants to have the calls and one bedroom identify with them that both of my house as me international over these lessons. it's crazy. like that's not how forever we're creating your to to and we can make small lines. okay. well, it was easily move, it's just such a moment of realization. i'm standing here and can proudly say, so i've chosen life so that starts with lack of voice. never so would i be able to get to talk to because i never thought i wouldn't get it to this phone so you can get out to these like condos, which i've done to, to help them kind of still here. those. the guys that most of us in here that's causing by hotels racing and i'm shaking a bit of i'm nervous just because

a lot happens here that has negative association as well. yeah. you got to, you've also been the lo darling. let me go distance of more minutes. i think the worst moment was here in the clinic. when you have the address is you know there. i say i saw my god. how emaciated you were in the veins. everything was blue. they couldn't take your blood vain. and so i was low, you haven't got it. you couldn't dick, i can pull it up there, but now yeah, i have to pump pension the toes are because of the blood had retreated into your torso. so with that, so your body live in a comparative emergency alarm system because after that i really light on coming here. i just couldn't hear gunning because you have a to say a is the thing you it was like okay, she's safe now. so for me it was how you learn sorry, do you take and quit typing? no, i don't take is if i don't you don't know something else and i am. yeah. my dad was also diagnosed kind of depression some time ago. do you close to to sign type for

near saw part of myself and daughter. saw how withdrawn g look and stuff this. can you what that feels like with me? i'd hope that wouldn't affect her, but when it hit her, it would not be able to see it off. i mean, there's always guns. have you spoken to the doctor about the have i have an appointment soon? yeah. we've been isn't. what are you okay to look at some stuff that might come up for you about them through this moment? yes, i know that all the time on thursday is also the other is well i don't take anything else so we don't sleep as much that one vi i was down then vote a of the on the other side just i'm glad to get what you mean the ground floor. yeah. to sure long has been a while to thank god for years ago. this is because i feel yeah, as i said the feels good. we're good. good is confusing. sure. because i need to have someone that good is up to the service. no, that's okay. what services and what can i say? it's the way it is expensive. i'm down. it's good. it's launched in my oven. there used to be a certain amount around having difficulties. and so few feels guys about it on

social media, have gone on to and ultimately the different generation owns. and those about has also been a shift and as, as id and social awareness. so when i say topic has become socially acceptable done and, and emissions about discussing it have dropped significantly when i'm talking about the status of the mtv to talk about. so even if it's a good thing, so or no, yes, yeah. let me just have to, it's been a good thing for me to it's i could finally let go and talk about it last lesson. what i mean by them was able come from about 5 minutes side of the job. but what sort of comments kind of do because i skipped so concepts can see this feeling about having a completely different conversations. now both grading alone and so that's on relationship with each other, fuels and i do have to look at some point just to get a feeling so alone for so long as there are so many people out there who feel the same way. and i wanted to share what i was going through include things i life that

life goes on by took it. it's such serious where there's nothing for me to get myself to know during some week there's lots of times, but i wanted to share my experiences. i wanted other people to hear that be comfortable, the feedback i goes on this account was so encouraging that then i stopped posting for one thing i started to feel people expected to perform. i heard this on fossil no one gave me that feeling on that post most. it was pressure, i put it on myself. the english mentioned dr. teams and then just went to the old of those adults because i realized i had to go with that a positive mind biasing act up does. he didn't time and i think i had of lewis just felt right. was to close that chapter of my life. so if we just move on of this into the real wides in the opposite reason and just sort of assuming that he got in bed, i thought i'd leave the as well is fine

. i didn't really want us to go to the entire scene of item of mine milestone. the therapy was something and the crazy people have to send. and when i was a message with a shot, i was immediately assigned to a therapist and the like the and i soon became a great for for the session because i tried to co operate as a thank but a food to people come up and how for example is who i always wrote down everything that we discussed on thursday. so if you so much so that i wouldn't forget to ask her, she kept thinking about this again, right here in the balance of all 5. that's when i wrote an incredible amount in my diary during that time. that side and then i would say, let's go for a village and yeah, it has a little tough here. 3rd piece of in the big positive, my healing person that's kind of purpose. one of the most impulse,

and so i would say that was maybe not the most important thing, but one of the most, i go to the 6 hundreds, we went for so many walks and we'd always donaldson and take a look back. leave went home to look a coffee. yeah. so that is true. that's a whole is nice to look back and it's important to remember everything that happened and everything you've already milestones associates a single source of devices and what you've achieved. sophia is china, and sophia is someone who likes to laugh away her difficulties. i didn't think she was smiling when i 1st met her. and to me, so here there was something looking beneath the surface in touch with i'm the looks of this philosophy and i were always on the west to be searching for the right words into expressed how she was feeling the same. this guys and i was pleasant to cut over time. she became a master and outside of the show. i know my stuff and i always say it's like in the danverse thing. so our river starting to flow withdrawal, mem, this force and flu standards please. and to come with an ongoing cost and then came

bernard guns. then having came but you could have learned about the hanging around the whole not hitting the full full level, the image of depression. you can close the huge dog lying on your chest. yes, exactly. and then you rock isn't commands like zip down and stay. yeah. yeah, yeah, that's right. the systems and vice enough to have to stop and you have that other character when you have the eating disorder. so i think was good hall this, the calorie count or howard they're kind of, you know, okay, now that kind of the incentive, as i said that you remember the line mccadden just click la paper type and he did it on so on move on. we set up

a kind of early warning system to allow sophia to recognize when it's getting dark and cold again, we've done decades to counteract that with the help of therapy position in terms of partition context. see these days, hoyt. she has much more resilience as agents and in come her slightly different mindset events under her for how's that so, so you have towards, she's come to know that even the deepest emotional events because it is very difficult situations can be overcome. but you don't have an experience that's no one can take away from her. and it's something she now shares with others is tied cl smith, and then we have all the homeless once we do not find the ones that would be like if i became a 3rd person to you. and she always said that we could do it together. something real, really touching me. that's hudson's you'll say, of the widow still. so it isn't in my mind because she behaved to me when i didn't believe it myself. so sweet honest over 60. she said we do it some day. and now here i am studying psychology if appraising those costs, the

economy. hughes nowadays i look forward to coming home. it's also nice that i can be this happy again because for a while it was difficult for me to come home because it has nothing to do with my family and it was my room. so like then when i was feeling that i was usually altering my room, smashed and then tomorrow yes. so even if it's was i have my 1st sounds of depression when i was 11, no, 1212. what stopped me, humming myself as was the youngest, as a light switch and disorder up to those taught. and then so from replacing the thing disorder i was just was i always needed something like a mechanism to deal with what was going on. and the side of the feeling is that

sense of emptiness in the, in the so the and then they called sophia by months they often associated was always a very bright child. she wasn't afraid to because she would try anything. she had friends, she did well at school, hope she enjoyed her hobbies while i took the mocked when the shop, i've often wondered how we could have some thought if it's something was wrong. that's an issue. i asked her many times if she was okay us on this board. so fee for bed. i would go to the mines to mountain top estate always say, or guess mom. everything's fine. yeah, yeah. moment i was reassured, for 2 months is the fleeting. but you constantly reproach yourself for having overlooks. i'm saying this for bill for this one of us who by saying hut, don't wait until you have to do this since the last guy was a fall fall and i made chocolate rose yesterday. have to august, i was afraid for her life as well as the and pulled the rug out from under my feet

and a good tool. oh yeah, i was scared for her. i'm so scared to death. yeah, i mean you love it. when i do this for your birthdays, so that is why we did this. you. why? because you didn't want anything. i weren't there to protect it. i'm sure i have to assume no to the i want to modify this my go here. so little bag due to the to the is it helps with it this. yeah. just to have to have somebody just so i said of them my family and friends. i wouldn't be here anymore. they have to go home and his last day makes me happy. every time she lives now because it's not something i take for granted, that's awesome. i'll be there shouldn't always nice to see are in a good mood. i'm glad to have a good time together. i haven't because it just wasn't possible before about some dust fits. so we lived together and our relationship keeps getting better and

stronger. and i'm very grateful. and just when i use my bitch don't shop here in the concert, i have a card hanging here that says everything will be good in the end. and if it's not good yet, and it's not the end. and as long as i keep telling myself to deal with things as they come to always move forward from that scheme to support her and give her what she needs. and she must investigate, but also to step back soon and stay out of it when she doesn't need to finish the boxes on the list. so 45 to i'm from the hi. how are you? good. and you know, good luck the coffee over there by that fence. one could hear me. yeah. you have to blanket right

. that, you know? yeah. it's good. his heart was worried. we didn't have one we're. lexi was either mind that might seem is one of my best friends and one of the most typos and people in my life a few and 5, we've been close for very no time now. almost 10 years ago. a. yeah, i'm very grateful for this is this, the cell phone is is in line because when things are bad, i might possibly talk to her about because it was difficult because we have to continue to choose life and time. right? because it has to be an active decision every day as the and i didn't really feel that my life, it was worth living to have a. but i have to make the decision that i wanted to the success of those. that super difficult. it's super, she's a, if we'd spend a day back then like today i might some driving to this me having, i'm taking a toll king long faces, maybe playing cards or something either i would've been 9 caught. seems peter as a full service and wouldn't have given me any when the of the energy assistance for

life and how that i feel right now. and then slide onto the part is just kinda screwed up and send you the comments lovely on things that channel. let me know for me. mm hm. so then why should they go past the tim? maybe launch it just thing is low cost, but as i'm crazy, just 4 years ago, i would have nothing on the so much oil on them. and now i don't have to get new muscle use that synchronized. oh, i thought that too much as young, but it's so nice and most also look like i'm just so happy to the whole the different issue. it's just something here. i don't even think about them and that way you know what, i'm so sure. as long as i remember the 1st time i was in hospital with you, what did you have to like to get some of those uh for a levels of miss. not just specifically, so it was a far as i remember sitting there thinking. so if you just open them speed in your mouth, i just use it,

at least for them so they don't get upset. i'm just thinking of that. i just couldn't do it. we just may always have the form of a new file or that was the crazy time you owns that it makes it all the nicer that we can be here. now. it's no longer in issues suspects. we can just sit here, eat together, the carefree, and so i'm so grateful. the whole feel here's to keeping it that way, keeping it that way too. well. let's do sophia just as you so much stronger than she used to be. deb, it's got, i think at some point she discovered the fighter within her head that you can really see that. let me speak money. it's for me, just push the start off. that's it. i'm not moving my my board with her. she would like to have some of these and shirts, and you see, i mean, she's so strong the staff full of life now. obviously good as what a hope shall always be able to draw on the fighting spirit within her and us off and made. and when times change and things get worse flushed of it, this is it. i hope she keeps it with her. the studies were strong and dear to keep asking for help bye to him. even when she knows she could do it by yourself of words, i shall steps, couldn't i want her to be and remain happy life. i want her to fulfill her dreams.

and i want her to come out of all of this feeling stronger the extinguished costs, the type of coverage does cost. i certainly think you can imagine that if you haven't taken a very relative placement of how on the matching level, it is to see yourself in the future sitting somewhere. nothing has trudy being in the movement enjoying the day and not thinking for guy don't feel anything. this doesn't smoke anything. i mean the scottish scenarios today. i can say that i feel single so deeply and i'm ever so grateful for things. i never thought this day would come to a tech come that's. that's why i'm convinced absolutely convinced. i'm on the right in home, mostly sign furden. god. alright, the,

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the, this is dw news live in from berlin tonight, reaction to a wrong decision to execute a dual rainy and german citizen. german government says it is closing 3 or radian console. its in protest. also coming up the clean up begins in spain after devastating floods. so that least a 158 people. the country is in morning is people try to come to terms with what they have lost and just days away from the us presidential election, vice president come on, the harris and republican candidate, donald trump, making their case in the border states of arizona and new mexico and the reason.