on the 35 years of to the school of november 9th, can you tell me the the document in the tides in dallas during those really difficult times my board myself arrangements funding. it's about to apply the spice and i called it my problem is on the spring and miss with it. i promised myself without an dodge day. i wouldn't take my own life and these and talking indeed miss nemo stiffness. i still make that promise every day and that has a very special meaning for me is to have a thoughts on for me, is that?

yeah, it's been my name associated that i'm 22 years old. yeah, and i still do psychology at mazda of university is and telling me every day i face lot decision the, every day i choose life is to and i'm actually a very cheerful person. but if i have to describe myself in the policy, i'd say i was someone suffering by the depression and it's amazing disorder to as strongly cherished enough listing. i think i'm on the right tall, big or fenced in a long way to go. but i do believe i'm home, the right office in the the coming away from the get those minutes since i gets it all says when i was 16 when i had kind of come tax and i often didn't even realize that i was crossing myself because as i've seen that was a way for me to deal with my emotion business,

including ones. i didn't want anyone to see him as soon as he might have seen less lillian self as might sound controversial of the behavior saved my life. got them on this. i don't mean to say that it was right or a good way to deal with emotion would have just inside it would soon though. so the right way this little to turn to someone on the and then an emergency to go to a clinic of other months, solution effects, as long as that should be fine if you're choosing between death himself, homes and bios. and you know how bad on the list for other people if you took your own life, then you draw the choose the option that way you might end up in hospital, but you're still alive. how many months? and that's what i did that's i was to most your, my health you can help job to

sophia, i didn't buy any of you can come fresh. do you have anything else you can put on it? otherwise we still have oh, yeah, yeah. oh good. really. this one here with some and then me that i did for you with 5 other go. so to speak with us in the pot and we're like little family, very close. emily hughes. and i feel very comfortable here because there's always someone to talk to it. i find myself in my email, there's always someone that you've faced of, i'm just doing it. it's just a nice feeling to have phone and don't just great people that lived with us. i'm one of us would like me to feel comfortable here, so you don't take the around. it literally says percentage to revise the whole. we want to have a toast and we need some glasses please. oh, okay. let's do this 1st. i'm forced to successful weekend to our while to the time and looking the way of

the channel, the chaos we overlooked. the fact that sophia has been living here for a year to the apartments of southern beaches. glad you found your way here. thanks for letting me loose gloves as a fashion here. i think when sophia moved in here, she was already in a relatively good place for lunch or vice cups for otherwise i don't think she would have made the decision to move in with strangers so far away. so, you know and make such a big legion to a completely new life. for me, i haven't done a single shows on the my internet decisions you made down most about some things you really wanted to do or, and we just reinforce digital, small prophetic tom with these he'd already made that decision for herself and we supported her. the note on a test, it's me choosing life simply means i want to feed them or i want to experience joy and the sadness, every thing. it's all part of life. so i can definitely start that in sylvia as a feel for you and fire. yeah, i just as i typed in a contract,

but also the accounts when i was deep into my eating disorder. and for me guessing i also have done disorder was about to choose online. i wanted to share of what i was going through. that's including the relief that my life goes on to that life. so what i want you to other people i to hear about 2 lots of times, but it's not the most of all the consumer wants to know anyone who they believe the couch in the next 2 weeks from an excel, larry sent me a line live on a quick, well, i think it would be cool to live alone. we felt like this. i know i'll be able to do is at some point of a right now i feel a bit too insecure of this. you know, there's also to do. you do have to try these the, i'm always on a bit of a tight rope. so i wonder what should i try? what am i capable of the tone? when should i believe it myself and what is the deal too dangerous? the status of a surprise. i know i'll get the stuff i will be able to live in the top is possible kind the best as much is

the toughest positive. i think i was like, you know, trick the next for 11 and a half. so about a year, i always wanted to come across as perfect that i had a public prolong. if not everything was great and that was destroyed by the fact that i ended up in the clinic meeting account. it's got kind of extended when i was deep into my eating disorder. there wasn't a 2nd in my life that i was free of it. i was constantly thinking about it down. well i don't need it like oh, i couldn't stop back. i would not all you awake at night thinking about food as would it be felt like everything happened, sprinkled with k, as in apple, a set of us can some give push, playing good, good knows, on the same goes for depression, and he's when it takes over everything in your life when last of his face and you

can no longer enjoy a moment but feel fulfilled, you feel like a show a food fruits, and then when that's the case, it makes complete sense to things like, okay, that's nothing name. it has been, this is where i'm getting my 1st talk to today and it's going to be the next is m c l 5th full can push them instead of me choosing life, which also ties into the into the challenge with i'm saying, oh, okay. so you know, high res, you ok is madeline called me. yeah. you can see that k. oh yeah. okay. if it is for i think it's the left is m c l lowercase it is on august, august fever. hm. okay. okay. what size also can be fine. mm hm.

which by the tosh and such as, as far as the least knowledge of knowing now it's about 9 months. again, i was scared at the beginning and she came on this question because one of the soon for turn off was mom and i was conscious of my arms and legs. and i'll find time when we're done because you know, within 2 or 3 months of doing it every day, it's changed, kind of present low cost but, and then the $5.00 to nominate people see the scholars have been not the home. and then the, on my mind, anybody maybe want to hours, that's a mazda standard of political subscripts. it's one of the don't. and i couldn't look at myself in the mirror for a while and because i hated myself and best phone and you'll all have scholars for the rest of my life. my god. when i have children, all the, the mom with the sick on. so it's an outline for those files or interview and i was going to them doesn't and feeling is this isn't the healthy pulse of need doesn't want to have the skills and does he want to identify with that part of it?

the other paul drops to do to the ones that have the calls and one bedroom identify with them that both of my thoughts as me and i showed with these questions, it's crazy. like that's not how this forever came. i agree you're to true and we can make more lines for okay. well, it was easily move assumption moments of realization ascending hair and can proudly say, so i've chosen life. so that starts with i'm going to do something because i never thought i'd be able to get to talk to because i never thought i wouldn't get it to this phone. so you can get out to these like com dosage i've done tend to have them kind of see you're those the also listen here, my heart was racing and i'm shaking a bit of i'm nervous just because a lot of happiness here that has negative association as well, yeah, you got to,

you've also been the lo darling while ago, a distance of more minutes thinking that the worst moment was here in the clinic when you had the address is you know, there, i say it myself. oh my god, how emaciated you were in the veins. everything was blue. they couldn't take your blood vain. and so alice low, you haven't got it. you couldn't dick, i can't boot up name, but oh yeah, i have to pump pension the closer because of the blood had retreated them to your torso. so with that, so your body eliminate competitive emergency. i'm to start cut after that. i really light on coming here as it can hear gun in good cool. you have a say as the thing you it was like okay, she's safe now. so for me that was how you sorry, do you take and quit typing? no, i don't take it if i don't, you don't know something else and i'm papa. yeah, my dad was also diagnosed and depression some time ago. do you close to 2 assign type for near saw part of myself and daughter. saw how withdrawn she loved when you

helped us can i knew what that feels like with me. i'd hope that wouldn't affect her, but when it hit her, it was not be able to me it's it's, it's off. i mean, there's always guns. have you spoken to the doctor about it? they actually have it. i have an appointment soon. yeah. within the thing, what are you okay to look at some stuff that might come up for you about them? do this them? yes, i know that all the time and the visa is also the as, as well. i don't take anything else though. we don't sleep as much. that one vice i was down the road a of the on the other side just i'm, i'm glad you mean the ground floor. yeah. to sure how long has been a while to thank god for years ago. this is because i feel, yeah, as i said the feels good. we're good. good is confusing issue because i need to have someone feel good. sorry. no, that's okay. what's the decision? what can i say? it's the way it is expensive. i'm down. it's good. as long as you stick my oven, there used to be a certain around having of all these. and so if you feel, if he is utilize about it on social media, have gone on to an open with the different generation owns. and those about has

also been a shifting of his id and social awareness. so when i say topic has become socially accepted, stands and inhibitions about discussing it have dropped significantly when i'm talking about the status of the mtv level. but so even if it's good thing, time warner gets in. yeah, let me just have to, it's been a good thing for me to. it's not good. finally let go and talked about it last lesson. what i mean by them was able come from about 5 minutes. i'd often wonder job, but what sort of clips kind of look because i skipped. so chris jessica finished having a completely different conversations. now both grading alone and so that's one relationship with each other. fuels and i am doing but happy so and at some point i just got a feeling so alone for so long and there was so many people out there who feel the same way and i wanted to share what i was going through include things i life that

life goes on by targets. it's such serious where there's nothing trying to get myself to know drawing some oh my gosh. just watch those times, but i wanted to share my experiences. i wanted other people to hear that being comfortable, the feedback i goes on this account was so encouraging that then i stopped posting for one thing i started to feel people expected to perform. i, her son involved from no one, gave me that feelings on that post most. it was pressure, i put it on myself that english mentioned doc teacher games and then just went to the old of those adults because i realized i had to go with that a positive mind bias. and the act up does is dean time. and i think i had a little just those rights to close that chapter of my life. if we just move on of this into the real value in, in opposite reason. and just sort of assuming that the item that i thought i'd leave the as well is fine. i

didn't really want to go to the tires of item of mine, mine of them is that or if he was something only crazy, people have to tell them it's and and when i was a message with a shot, i was immediately assigned to a therapist and he looked online and i soon became a great for for the session because i tried to co authorize luck buffers to people come up. and how for example, is who i always wrote down everything that we discussed on thursday of each month. so that i wouldn't forget to, especially i kept thinking about this again, right here in the balance of all 5. that's when i wrote an incredible amount in my diary during that time. that side and then i would say, let's go for a village and yeah, it has a little tough here. therapy's not going to because of my healing person that's kind of purpose. one of the most impulse, and so i would say that was maybe not the most important thing, but one of the last i go to the 6 hundreds,

we went for so many walks and we'd always donhauser and take a look back, leave went home to look a coffee. yeah. so that is true. stuff was nice to look back and it's important to remember everything that's happened and everything you've already milestones associated with most of those devices hooked up and what you've achieved. sophia is trying to, sophia, is someone who likes to los away her difficulties. i didn't think she was smiling when i 1st met her and to sophia that there was something oh that's looking beneath the surface and todd was i'm this, i'm looking at the and i were always on the west to be searching for the right words and to express how she was feeling the same disguise and i was pleasant to cut over time. she became a master and of that side. ok. so i know my stuff and i always say it's like in the danverse thing. so our river starting to flow to withdrawal, mem, this force and flu standards please. and to come with an ongoing cost and come,

then came bernard van and became bender of lou. the bad the came around the phone, hitting the full full was one of the splash image of depression. even close to a huge dog lying on your chest or 6. yes, exactly. and then you rock isn't commands like zip down and stay. yeah. yeah, yeah, that's right. the system and vice enough to have to stop and you had that other character when you have the eating disorder. so i think was good hall this the calorie count or howard they're kind of you know, a lot of that kind of being said that i so that you remember the line mccadden just click la. hi paul. hi. hello. and who did the yeah, i'm. so let's move on, we set up a kind of early warning system to allow sophia to recognize when it's getting dark

and cold again, we've done decades to counteract that with the help of therapy position in general partition context. see these days for it. she has much more resilience as engine spending kind of a slightly different mindset. and so i'm the for those that so so you have toyed, she's come to know that even the deepest emotional event because it was very difficult situations you can be overcome. but the, the experience that's no one can take away from her and it's something she now shares with others is tied cl from it. and then you have most families, once we do not find the ones that would be like if i became a thorough person to you. and she always said that we could do it together, something to, i'm really talking me that's happened. you'll say i have a great deal, so it isn't in my mind because she buys to me when i didn't believe in myself. so told on december 6th, she said we do it some day and now here i am studying. so i don't know if he's crazy calls costs the

i promise you nowadays i look forward to coming home. it's also nice that i can be this happy again. because for a while it was difficult for me to come home because it has nothing to do with my family and it was my room. back then when i was feeling bad, i was usually paying my room this last month to month. yeah. and so even if it's worth i have my 1st balance of depression, when i was 11, no 12 and solve what stopped me. humming myself, this was the only s as a light switch, and it is all tied up cuz it was taught and then so fun in replacing the same disorders. and so i always needed something like a mechanism to deal with what was going on the side of the week of feeling is that the sense of emptiness in that in the so the big

cold sophia, by monday often associated was always a very bright child. she wasn't afraid to because she would try anything. she had friends, she did well at school, hope she enjoyed her hobbies while i took the mocked when the shop, i've often wondered how we could have some thought if it's something was wrong. that's an issue i asked for many times if she was okay us on this quote for free for bed. i would go to the mines to mountain top estate always say, well guess mom. everything's fine. yeah. yeah. moment i was reassured or to get the fleeting, but you constantly reproach yourself for having overlooks. i'm saying this for bill for this one of us about saying what i don't why doesn't tell you? i've been to the 6 so 5 unless guy was a small farm i made shop at road yesterday. have to on the i was afraid for her life as well. and it pulled the rug out from under my feet and

a good tool. oh yeah, i was scared for her. i'm so scared to death. yeah, i mean you love it when i do this for your birthdays. so that is why you did this. you why you didn't want anything. i weren't there to protect it. i'm sure i have to assume i know which one i want modifying this my go yours from the bag to to the to the is it helps with it this? yeah. just to have to have somebody. yes. so it is, i said of them, my family and friends, i wouldn't be here anymore. they have to go home. and his last day makes me happy every time she lives now because it's not something i take for granted, that's awesome. i'll be there shouldn't always nice to see are in a good mood. i'm glad to have a good time together. i tell them because it just wasn't possible before about some dust fits. so we lived together and our relationship keeps getting better and stronger. and i'm very grateful. and just when i use my bitch don't shop here in

the concert, i have a card hanging here that says everything will be good in the end. and if it's not good yet, it's not the end. and as soon as i keep telling myself to deal with things as they come to always move forward from, it's going to support her and give her what she needs to investigate, but also to step back and stay out of it. when she doesn't need to finish the boxes on the list. so for the to i from the hi. how are you? good. and you know, the copy of the data by that finish code here. you have the blanket right there. so now

yeah, it's good. his heart was worried, we didn't have one we're. lexi was either mind that might seem is one of my best friends. and one of the most important people in my life of the info. we've been close for very little time now. almost 10 years of that. yeah, i'm very grateful for this. what is the cell phone? it is phillips is in line, which is when things are bad. i might possibly talk to her about because it was difficult for us to continue to choose life and time because it has to be an active decision every day. the and i didn't really feel that my life was worth living to have a. but i have to make the decision that i wanted to the success of those that super difficult. it's super, she's a, if we'd spend a day back then like today, i might some driving to this me having, i'm taking a toll king. las vegas is maybe playing pallets or something either i would've been 9 caught. seems peter as a full service of and wouldn't have given me any when the of the energy assistance for life and how is that? i feel right now and then slide onto the part is just kinda screwed this

and send you the comments lovely on things that channel. let me know for. sure. mm hm. well then when should they go to maybe launch it for you think it will cost, but as i'm crazy, just 4 years ago, i would have nothing on the slow months. oil on them, and now i don't. how do you get me muscle? you're looking kind of nice. oh, i thought that too much these young it's so nice and most also look like i'm does, i'm happy to all the different new foods, just something here. i don't even think about them and that way you know what, i'm so sure. as long as i remember the 1st time i was in hospital with you and what did you have to like to get some of those uh, for a levels of ms. not just space, i know you said it was a far as i remember sitting there thinking. so if you just open them speed in your mouth, i was just leases at least for them so they don't get upset. i'm just thinking of that. i just couldn't do it, we just need dollars have to solve

a new file or that was the crazy time you owns that it makes it all the nicer that we can be here. now it's no longer in issues. the scripts we can just sit here, eat together the carefree, and so i'm so grateful to help us here's to keeping it that way, keeping it that way too. well, let's do sophia. now she's still much stronger than she used to be dead. stop. i think at some point she discovered the fighter within her head that you can really see that money. it's from just push the start off. that's it. i'm not moving my, my board was there. she would like to have some of these and shirts, and you see, i mean, she's so strong, the star full of life now obviously go to swat. i hope shall always be able to draw on the fighting spirit within her and us often made and when times change and things get worse flushed of it, this is it. i hope she keeps it with her. the studies are strong and dear to keep asking for help bye to him, even when she knows she can do it by yourself upwards. i shall steps cuz i want her to be and remain happy life. i want her to fulfill her dreams, and i want her to come out of all of this feeling stronger the extinguish that

caused it. the type of girl is josh, was that i don't think you can imagine that if you haven't experienced those, please mind. that's how on the match level, it is to see yourself in the future sitting somewhere. nothing has trudy being in the movement enjoying the day and not thinking for guy don't feel anything. this doesn't smoke anything. i mean the scottish thing else today. i can say that i feel single so deeply and i'm ever so grateful for things. i never thought this day would come to a tech come that's. that's why i'm convinced absolutely convinced. i'm on the writing home mostly sign. pardon god. alright. the,

or the

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