do that, it's all about saying it's loud. noise would have been nosy bay like good everyone to king a healthy award winning called called the called back the the document in the tides in dallas during those really difficult times. my boat, myself arrangements funding. it's about to fly, the spies on cold it. my problem is on the spring and miss with it. so i promised myself that on that day i wouldn't take my own life and didn't talk monday, miss nemo stiffness. i still make that promise every day and that has a very special meaning for me is to give a thought to him for me is that to?

yeah, it's been my name associate. i'm 22 years old. yeah. and i still do psychology at mazda of university is inside of me every day i face lot decision leave. every day i choose life is to, and i'm actually a very cheerful person. but if i have to describe myself in the policy, let's say i was someone suffering by the depression and it's amazing disorder as strongly as coverage. i think i'm on the right tall, big or fenced in a long way to go. but i do believe i'm home, the right office in the coming on way. come the, let me get this minutes since i get to dollars. when i was 16, when i had kind of capex and i often didn't even realize that i was crossing myself because as i've seen, that was a way for me to deal with my emotion business,

including ones. i didn't want anyone to see him as soon as you might have seen less than ryan self as might sound contribution of the behaviors saved my life. got them on this. i don't mean to say that it was right or a good way to deal with emotion, which i have just inside able to in the, on the right way. this little to turn to someone on the and in an emergency to go to a clinic of other months, solution effects as long as that should be fine if you're choosing between death himself, homes and bios and you know, hope out on the look for other people if you took your own life, then you draw the choose the option that can come where you might end up in the hospital, but you're still alive. how many most? and that's what i did. that's i was too much you my help. you can help chop to sophia,

i didn't buy any. you can come fresh. do you have anything else you can put on it? otherwise we still have the yeah, yeah, well good, really, this one here and then me lives here with 5 of the goes. so it's a single person to part and we're like little family very close emily's use and i feel very comfortable here because there's always someone to talk to it. and i have my, my email, there's always someone that you've faced of, i'm just really, it's just a nice to be looking to have phone and just great people to live with them. one golf advertisements to feel comfortable here. so you don't take the overall names of the police as percentage. oh device. no. oh we went into have a toast and we need some glasses please. oh, okay. first of course to the successful weekend to i oh. to the retirement looking the way it does,

look at the channel, the chaos we overlooked. the fact that sophia has been living here for a year to the apartment of southern beaches. glad you found your way here. thanks for letting me loose gloves as a field shown here. i'm going, sophia moved in here. she was already in a relatively good place for lots of good art by a couple of otherwise i don't think she would have made the decision to move in with strangers so far away. so you know and make such a big legion to a completely new life. for me, i haven't done a single shows on the internet decision. she made them down, mess with something she really wanted to do on voice, just reinforced as a small prophetic tom mazda does. he already made that decision for herself, and we supported her. the note on, on, so she needs using life simply means i want to feel here. i want to experience joy and the sadness, every thing because it's all part of life. so i can definitely so that in sylvia as a feel for you and fire. yeah, i just as we typed in the content,

i should also have the account when i was deep into my eating disorder on for me, guessing i don't have nothing disorder was about to choose online. specifically, i wanted to share of what i was going through the task of including the relief that my life goes on to that nice the way i want to to other people i to hear about 2 months of payments. but it's not the most of all gone cuz he wants to know anyone who could be the couch in the next 2 weeks. from an excel, larry sent me a line live on a quick. well, i think it would be cool to live alone. just drop off like this. i know i'll be able to do is at some point right now i feel a bit too insecure of this. you know, there's also to, you do have to try these the, i'm always on a bit of a tight road. so i wonder what should i try, what am i capable of the tone? when should i believe i myself and what is the deal too dangerous status of a surprise? i know i'll get the stuff i will be able to live in the top is possible kind the

best as much is the toughest positive. i think i was like, you know what's in the next for 11 and a half months. so about a year. i always wanted to come across as perfect that i had a public prolong, if not everything was great and that was destroyed by the fact that i ended up in the clinic between account it's got kind of extended when i was deep into my eating disorder. there wasn't a 2nd in my life that i was free of it. i was constantly thinking about it constantly. did i? oh, i couldn't stop back. i would not all you awake at night thinking about food as would it be felt like every thing happened? sprinkled with k, as in apple, a set of some gift the spring canals on the same goes for depression. and he's when it takes over everything in your life when last

a face to face. and you can no longer enjoy a moving metal feel fulfilled. you feel like a shell, a food fruits, and then when that's the case, it makes complete sense to things like, okay, that's nothing means it has been, this is where i'm getting my 1st to today and it's going to be the left is m c l 5th full can push them instead of me choosing life, which also ties into the into the challenge with i'm saying, oh, okay. so you know high res, you ok is madeline called me. yeah. you can see that k. oh okay, is it is right. the left is m c l lowercase it is on august angus fever. mm. okay, okay, what size also can be fine, cuz the tosh, i just have it as,

as far as the release, those are coming out. it's about 9 months. again, i was scheduled that beginning and she came on this website is because one of the students attend office mom and i was conscious of my arms and legs and i'll find time for doctors, you know, within 2 or 3 months of doing it every day. it's changed kind of present low cost but, and then the 5 to nominate people see the scholars have been not the home. and then the on my mind, anybody i maybe want to our, that's a must stay with political subscript as well as most of the bits of, of the don't. and i couldn't look at myself in the mirror for a while and because i hated myself and best phone and you'll all have scholars for the rest of my life. my god. when i have children, all the, the mom with the sick on. so it's an outline, or the as far as the interview and i was going in and, and feeling just this isn't the healthy part of me doesn't want to have the skills and does he want to identify with that part of it. the also called absolutely wants

to have the calls and one bedroom, identify with them that both of my house as me international over these questions. it's crazy because like that's how this forever we're creating your to, to and we can make small lines. okay. well, it was easily move assumption moments of realization i'm standing here and can proudly say, so i've chosen life. so that starts with lack of voice. i never saw, would i be able to get to talk to because i never thought i wouldn't get it to this phone so you can get out to these like condos, which i've done to, to help them kind of see you those to the also listen, he has my hotels racing and i'm shaking a bit off. i'm nervous just because a lot of happiness here that has negative association as well. yeah. and you've got

to, you've also been the lo darling. what my while ago of the distance appointment the worst moment was here. in the clinic when you had the address is you know, there, i say it and i saw, oh my god, how emaciated you were in the veins. everything was blue. they couldn't take your blood vain. and so alice plow you haven't got it. you put a different kind of food up there, but oh yeah, i have to pump pension the toes are because of the blood had retreated into your torso. so with that, so your body eliminate the amount of emergency alarm system because after that i really light on coming here. as there's plenty of guiding people. you have a, they'll say as a you, it was like okay, she's safe now. so for me that was how you learn they started to take and quit tie up, you know, i don't take if i don't, you don't know something else. my dad, my dad was also diagnosed kind of depression some time ago. do you have class to, to sign type when you saw part of myself and daughter saw how withdrawn g look you

up to that this can you what that feels like with me? i'd hope that wouldn't affect her, but when it hit her, it would not be able to me. it's unsafe off. i mean there's always guns. have you spoken to the doctor about it? they have it. they have an appointment. sonya we've been using, what are you? ok to look at some stuff that might come up for you about them. do this? yes, i know that all the time on thursday is also the other is well i don't take anything else. we don't sleep as much. that one vice i was down then vote a of the on the other side just i'm, i'm glad you mean the ground floor yet to sure long has been a while called 4 years ago. this is exactly as i said, the feels good. we're good. good is confusing shipping, but i need to have someone feel good. so that's okay. what's the decision? what can i say? it's the way it is expensive down. it's good. as long as you stick my oven, there used to be a certain amount around having this, all these, sophia, sophia, lies about it on social media. i'm going, i'm, i not to an open with the different generation owns. and those of us also been

a shifting of his id and social awareness as the one on that topic has become socially acceptable done. and innovations about discussing it have dropped significantly when i started off the image really talking about. so even if it's good, think taught the owner, i guess in my thoughts as well. yeah. let me just have to it's been a good thing for me to. it's not good. finally let go and talk about it last lesson . what i mean by them was able to cut some about 5 minutes out of one job, but what sort of crunch kinda do because i skipped so concepts can see this feeling about having a completely different conversations. now both gardner alone and so that's one relationship with each other fuels and i do have to look at some point. i just had a feeling so alone for so long. there was so many people out there who feel the same way and i wanted to share what i was going through include things i life that

life goes on by took it. it's such serious where there's nothing for me to get myself to know during some week there's lots of times, but i wanted to share my experiences. i wanted other people to hear that be comfortable. the feedback i goes on this account was so encouraging that then all i stopped posting for one thing, i still just a few people expected to perform. i heard us on fossil no one gave me that feeling on that post most. it was pressure i put on myself the english mentioned doc teacher games and then just went to the device. so stopped because i realized i had to go with the cost of my boss and mack, top buses, dean time. and i think i had a little just felt right, was to close that chapter of my life if we just move on a vision to the real value in the opposite reason. and just sort of assuming that the item that i thought i'd just leave the search find,

i didn't really want us to go to entire skin until i turned in my mind to the therapy was something only crazy. people have to tell them it's and. and when i was a message with a shot, i was immediately assigned to therapy. i was going to kicked off now and i soon became a great desire for the session cause i tried to co operate as luck buffers. tell people come up and how for example, i always write down everything that we discussed on thursday. so if you so much so that i wouldn't forget to, especially i kept thinking about this again, right here in about general 5. that's when i wrote an incredible amount in my diary during that time. that side and then i would say it's good for adults and yeah, it has little tough here therapy. so i've been a big part of my healing person. sends purpose. one of the most impulse and tie would either be maybe not the most important. one of the last i go to the 600. we

went for so many walks and we'd always donaldson and take a look back. leave went home to look a coffee. yeah. so that is true, that's awful, it's nice to look back and it's important to remember everything that happened and everything you've already most of the, of the question of my husband and what she's the chief in sophia, is trying to, sophia, is someone who likes to life away her difficulties, i didn't think she was smiling when i 1st met her. and so here there was something oh, it's looking beneath the surface into heartless. i'm the looks of this fussy and i were always on the west to be searching for the right words and to express how she was feeling in this guys. and i was pleasant to cut over time. she became a master and outside of the show. i know my stuff and i always say it's like a danverse thing. so our river starting to flow withdrawal mem, this force and flu standards please. and to come with an ongoing craft and come

then came bernard guns. then having came but you could have learned about the came around the whole thing, but with a full full level to splash image of depression, even close to a huge dog lying on your chest or state. is it? yes, exactly. and then you rock isn't commands like zip down and stay in. yeah. yeah yeah, that's right. the system and vice enough to have to stop and you have that other character when you have the eating disorder. so and if equal a good haul this the calorie counter howard, they're kind of you know, okay, now that kind of being said that i so did you remember the line mccadden just put the paper type and he did. 2 on so on move on, we set up a kind of early warning system to allow sophia to recognize when it's getting dark

and cold again, we've done decades to counteract that with the help of therapy position into a partition context. see these days, hoyt, she has much more resilience as aliens and in come her slightly different mindset events under the full house. it's those who have toyed, she's come to know that even the deepest emotional events because it was very difficult situations can be overcome. but the, the hand experience that no one can take away from her and it's something she know shares with others is tied cl from it. and then we have all that much once we do not find the ones that would be like if i became a thorough person to you. and she always said that we could do it together. something really touching me that's happens. you'll see i have a great deal, so it isn't in my mind because she buys to me when i didn't believe in myself, so solely on december 6th. she said we do it some day and now here i am studying. so i don't want to do is crazy because those costs the

pharmacy nowadays i look forward to coming home. it's also nice that i can be this happy again because for a while it was difficult for me to come home because it has nothing to do with my family and it was my room. so that then when i was feeling bad, i was usually off in my room, smashed and then tomorrow yes. and so even if it's worth i have my 1st sense of depression when i was 11, no 12 and solve what stopped me. humming myself, this was the only s as in like, same disorder, it's up to those taught and then so fun in replacing the testing disorders. and so i always needed something like a mechanism to deal with what was going on inside of the main cause. feeling is that the sense of emptiness in the,

in the from was and then the cold, sophia, by months after this, the field was always a very bright child. she wasn't afraid to because she would try anything. she had friends, she did well at school, hope she enjoyed her hobbies while i took the mocked. when do something, i've often wondered how we could have bought if it's something was wrong. that's an issue i asked for many times if she was okay us on this quote. so fee for bed. i would go to the minds to mountain top estate always say or guess mom. everything's fine. yeah. yeah. moment i was reassured or to get the fleeting, but you constantly reproach yourself for having overlooks. i'm saying this for bill, for this one of us about saying what i don't think why doesn't tell you ever do this since the last guy was a fall fall and i made chocolate rose yesterday and i was afraid for her life as well. but it pulled the rug out from under my feet and a good tool. yeah,

i was scared for her. i'm so scared to death. so yeah, you love it when i do this or your birthdays. so that is why we did this. you. why, since you didn't want anything weren't there to protect the i'm sure i have to assume. no, it wasn't. i was modifying this my go your sort of activity to the to the is it helps with it. this is yeah. just to have to have somebody. yes. so it is, i said of them my family and friends, i wouldn't be here anymore. they i'm speaking. yes. hi, lindsey, it's less than makes me happy every time she lives now because it's not something i take for granted. that's awesome. i'll be there shooting. always nice to see are in a good mood. i'm gonna have to have a good time together i time because i just wasn't possible before about some dispute. so we lived together and our relationship keeps getting better and stronger. i'm very grateful. i'm just gonna use my big stuff,

but it's up to you and the content. i have a card hanging here that says everything will be good in the end. and if it's not good yet, and it's not the end. and as i keep telling myself to deal with things as they come to always move forward from, it's going to support her and give her what she needs to investigate, but also to step back soon and stay out of it. when she doesn't need to finish the boxes on the list. so for the final to the hi, how are you? good, you know. good luck. the coffee over the by the bench. one could hear me. yeah. you have the blanket. right

. that, you know? yeah. good. that's how i was worried. we didn't have one. we're like, she was either mind that maxime is one of my best friends and one of the most important people in my life of the and 5, we've been close for a very long time. now. almost 10 years of a. yeah, i'm very grateful for this is that's the one that is the upstairs in mind, which is when things are bad, i might possibly talk to her about because it was difficult because you have to continue to choose life and time because it has to be an active decision every day as the and i didn't really feel that my wife was was living in harbor, but i have to make the decision that i wanted to the success and goes to, i'm super difficult. it's super, she's a, if we'd spend a day back then like today, all right, so i'm driving to this me having, i'm taking a toll king long faces, maybe playing cards or something either from what has been 9 caught seems peter as a bus driver, so it wouldn't have given me any when the of the energy use that and for life and how that i feel right now. and then slide onto the part is just kinda screwed this

and send you the comments lovely on. think i channel to let me know for sure. yeah . well then you said when should they go? past 10, maybe launch it for you think it will cost, but as i'm crazy, just 4 years ago i would have nothing on the slow months. oil on them and now i don't. how do we get you muscle? you're looking kind of nice. oh, i bought that too much. these young are so nice and most also look like i'm just so happy to all the different your foods just sitting here. i don't even think about them and that way you know what, i'm so sure. as long as i remember the 1st time i was in hospital with you, what did you have to like to get some of those uh, for a levels of ms. not just spaces. oh you said it was a far as i remember sitting there thinking. so if you just open them speed in your mouth, i was just to use it at least for them so they don't get upset. i'm just thinking of it. i just couldn't do it, we just may always have the solve

a new file or that was the crazy dining rooms that it makes it all the nicer that we can be here now. but it's no longer an issue. the scripts we can just sit here, eat together the carefree, and so i'm so grateful off here's to keeping it that way, keeping it that way too. well, let's do sophia. now she's still much stronger than she used to be dead. stop. i think at some point she discovered the fighter within her position that you can really see that money. it's from just push the start off. that's it. i'm not moving my, my board with a huge, locked up some of these and shirts. and you see, i mean, she's so strong the staff full of life now obviously good as what the hope shall always be able to draw on the fighting spirit within her and us off and made. and when times change and things get worse flushed of it, this is it. i hope she keeps it with her. the studies went wrong and darryl, to keep asking for help, bye to him, even when she knows she could do it by yourself of words, i shall steps, couldn't i want her to be and remain happy life. i want her to fulfill her dreams, and i want her to come out of all of this feeling stronger the extinguished costs,

the type of colors josh boss. i certainly think you can imagine that if you haven't taken very relative placement of how on the match level, it is to see yourself in the future sitting somewhere. nothing has trudy being in the movement enjoying the day and not thinking for guy don't feel anything. this doesn't smoke anything. i mean the scottish scenarios today. i can say that i feel single so deeply and i'm ever so grateful. i never thought this day would come to a tech come that's. that's why i'm convinced absolutely convinced. i'm on the right in home, mostly sign certain guy. alright, the,

the the

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