want to do something really loving. yeah. i'm this, i have just love it is amazing for the jeff and i'm worth street as a vampire. yeah. and it's magic up because people are terrified into lives at the same time, like a elderly people squealing like children. yeah. it's unbelievable, and that's i guess the dad that he talks to this older guy who separate a child by him and he bites him a couple of times and makes some of that. but then the last thing that old guy says is something like the be careful not to get a piece of advice. it was. yeah. it was maybe a little too late for the yeah. the i made an appointment for myself. took

a walk on the train alone. i didn't tell anybody about it. i got the loads on the swabs and all of this stuff that i had never done before. i suppose is the best 3 in there because i'm not used to getting sexual health tests or being in an environment like that. but all i remember was when they called my name and i went in, i remember the room. i remember the doctor. i remember what it was, where i need to need a lift of his head. he never even looked at me. he had attract in front of him, his head was down and he said, you have a timing. you're remembering that moments was just leaving my body. i wasn't even there wasn't even in the room. i was gone of what was going through my mind is everything that i've been brought up with everything that i've seen on tv. everything that i've heard. page ivy aids

that means that that means your life is over. that means there is no future. and that was on the top of my head. so i just ran out of the place. i didn't know what to do. i was pretty long and the to when i tested positive, nothing can prepare you for that is totally an added body experience. there was a part of me that just sounds like i lost something that i would never get knocked . a i was in the relationship when i was diagnosed, so i told my partner straight away and that changed everything. i ended up promising not to tell anyone. and i kept that on for a decade. that

relationship ended. but i had sort of put myself in that position, i kind of painted myself into a corner, and i had a lot of reasons to not tell anyone. and like a whole tapestry of them. the hardest part was definitely telling my mom like that really was something i struggle with for a long time the at the time she was recently laid out and going through an awful lot of stuff. and it really just felt like i couldn't to do that to her then the carrying the secret became very heavy and a lot changed over time. 10 years is a long time she changed. i change circumstances change and the

environment change. we have the marriage referendum, i became aware that while i was trying to protect my mom, i wasn't really protecting myself. i was carrying this thing on my own and it was hard. and i was protecting the stigma. oh my god. okay, so this is one of my biggest patriots from the media says, hey, chevy may not be the killer at once, was, but the disease is on the rise again, i many suffers fear. there was a huge stigma around it when it suffers. are people living my age? i have to know, like, you know, people who is more of the company gets home, so upset and more. no, but the thing to hear about it is it increases the stigma may be suffering at one point in life like ice. so for to a huge harvey, but like for 3 months, let's say they're almost different at all when i typed the 1st year. okay,

you got me out with that as well. let me look into that. i'm. i'm looking, i hate to be on a so for it's going up to my 9 year anniversary of the major b. it's in like a couple of weeks. i remember i was in the clinic and i just got my diagnosis. kind of crazy. i remember seeing to come in, i don't have time or hi days it got one of them. it was like, i think i told you was not my trying go through a straight anymore. i think that was the 1st words. she said, have you have any questions i can, i just said like, is it going to be an i have about taught? and she said you have a new medication, right? yeah. i remember coming home in the car saying why me, why me, why me? for like terry's canals felt like was a punishment for something i decided to keep it together for you. like put the sizes moment that i ever encountered in my whole life. so when you turned around to me, the biggest ranches always, i never stopped at the top of tights and is that is going to love me now.

you know, and i said, i don't be a scott it's, it's the hardest thing when you get your head, give you the diagnosis. it's almost like a grieving your future life, a life threatening when everyone is grieving really? yeah. i do, you know, your mom's grieving for you because what you walked for what you went to college for even go to australia is gone. so i think that was adult obama, because at that time we didn't know the people are meant to be deposited on once you start medication to come in detectable. you know, so i was also told, i told 2 things. actually i like diagnosed as one that i could potentially pass it on because that seems extra helped advisor. and the 2nd one was, be careful who you tell, because once it's out you can take it back and you need to keep this like, you know, the secret because what you have a shame from the

church here. i'm good. i'm good. never, i never was going to mail me, wrote questions that you don't have the answer to. okay, thanks. i us. and before we get started the company, i just want to say obviously there are 2 cameras here. there is the one behind you . okay? and that's the one to my left as well. okay. neither of them are going to shoot you directly. okay? they're shooting around to you. we're not going to show your face for anything as discussed. okay? obviously there's a microphone on you. there's a microphone of, of you and that's because you're allowing us to use your voice. and i thank you for

that. right? yeah. is there a part of you at all that's concerned about the use of invoice or do you feel comfortable? it's my voice. and i'm telling my story, so i want people to hear my story. and even though i'm hiding behind the cajuns one day, i always come out the i work within the community. so i talk like this all oxy. i carry a testing. i do different pieces of advocacy is a big part of who i am. a huge part of my day today. obviously i'm never not talking about all this. i'm never enough document page as

a when i'm from ontario. just trying get people into tests for example. and i'll get someone from somebody face and they'll say to me, you shouldn't be worried about was you should be worried about your people in direct provision centers. because the sellers that are coming in to hire them from the outside applicant. they're the ones bringing you are the ones bringing and the not put you in the spotlight, you know, double stigma. so no matter how much you want to go over there and tell people your own story and be an accident, your will read a bit more than you so abruptly stopped. you. a teacher quite keeps me behind the course. definitely. yeah.

you're doing show uh doing this girl in the road for me. yeah. i was like irish though. yeah, exactly. and literally, every by, in the all, by as good as in the day like you are like a, here's all the basically and if you're all of the beautiful girl the out of reach for everyone. but when someone always talks about not a creepy way, doesn't like an admiration way. and then just a few years later, it's like a full circle moment because the most beautiful girl in school, it'll tell you what it is. and so there interested in that, like when i, i knew that i was going to be telling your story. it's just my, i'd say 10 years later, you're gone. oh, that's somebody that i knew when i was and i remember you knew the impact off the diagnosis like when i, when i tell you my story you know the devastation that caused because doctors and i

thought was taken away from me that young robbie life was never going to be the same. i actually haven't gone without way. so that's a really nice way for me to be approaching it now as well. and, and really interesting choice of at the base is obviously, i don't know, like, you know, what i mean? and iris well, i think that's a really important thing is it's, you know, like, a lot of people don't under pink page. i really don't think of women never had chevy. so i think it's really interesting. hang up. i'm the one who's going to be telling your story. yeah, it's laird really isn't that i couldn't think of anyone died and you dance. so it's great. i talked to arrange a bit of this. yes. yes. okay. are you pay me or like for the? okay, i want to tell you something it's about me. i'm from dublin,

i'm from dublin city. and i don't mind saying where exactly. i'm from from dock and actually i want to tell you something. i want to tell you something. i'm turkey. just recently. i was born in 1991, the early ninety's i trained odyssey while they're just on i have a masters in sexuality stories. i like to just say i have a masters and sexuality or the i'm a sexuality master. whichever one really i'm living with h i b, that means i have h i v. it's in my body and i have no problem talking about it. i have no problem telling anybody. my name is robbie. when they 1st told

me it was a real shock to me. i was only a young lad and i didn't see it coming. the 1st thing i asked was, can i still go to australia and straightway i just held no. i was too sick. i wouldn't be able to go at that point. there were doors close and all around. i didn't know that there were countries that don't expect you. if you have hate you, i've able, i was learn and all of the base rapidly i left my number with the social worker and james's. i told her i said to her, i said, if you know anybody, if you get anyone in here, do you feel needs appear? give them my number, let them ring me, i'll meet up with them straight away. bring them for coffee. and i've been doing that since about 2013 but it hasn't been easy because a lot. yeah. and they've taken on basically so it's 2012 and they're starting

me on the medication straightway. reason being my immune system is very low. basically. my cd 4 accounts is dangerously low. actually. i'm a 56 months away from aids. they tell me and i always say to people, you know, once you start to medicaid, there's no denying it anymore. really. you have to commit to this for the rest of your life. you have to take your meds religiously. and i started on a big pink pill. it was a big pink camp, but they gave me. they advised me to take it in the evening. besides, it might make my dreams a little bit more exciting. i obviously wasn't happy about it, but it was so late in the day. there was no room left for fine. so i took it off time and i was grounded. i took it at 10 and nothing was happening. it had been a hard few weeks. i told him i found me immediately. and i had a lot of conversations coming up,

access that kind of thing. i got to around 11 o'clock that night. i was in bed and that's when it started happening. i imagine a cloud scene. imagine a 21 year old. imagine everyone having a good time. imagine news in your mind. a b came in lights lower from the ceiling. a b came in there was, sorry, were blair, and after taking it i felt too far. i felt so it was installed, it was a 100000 people and they were in the room with you all so relaxed i was talking so quickly. i don't move and i was thinking i was dunston. i myself away had been living here. it was,

it was distracted like i didn't know what i was doing like i didn't know what was happening. the whole find me see me. the mom was there watching, and i started forget i started sleeping in on a lot of everything in the day time. then i was constantly drugs like no energy. i couldn't talk property. i was like, i didn't know what was wrong. imagine your worst time over on multiply the next day or during the day. felt like there was a strain in the way and i was same sex emigrating to australia which i've been planning. why i can't even see my degree in psychology being charged for

evenings every time i chose to pay that. and again, get more of them for life type imagery, payoffs everything. and then offense, she looked at me. i mean, i know it wasn't me right. i was sitting at the table, i couldn't lift a fork, lift a fork, lift to fork. i have no energy. this before rubbing atomic man lift to fork. accomplish me. i am either on a charge with me my when i speak to her and i sites where i say i'd rather die. i'd rather live for 2 more years than type. i pay a lot more time. like this was before i knew. busy that there was more than one

type of medication, you know, i talked to this was the way my life was going to go. so imagine that kind of experience with the conversations you're having with the people you're meeting with having to disclose. imagine reading through this, it's up to say it's kind of the difficult and to kind of go back over it like list into for it's a, it's funny that, you know, this was picture of my overall story because really it represented heavy low. i was at the time, i had no energy life wasn't worth living at that time on the medication. it's a small thing, but when i could smile again, when i could lift the fork and then the next day to my process,

the, you know, i come from a small town, so i have sex is not discussed. and for me, you know, in school sex education is basically 2 sticks broken off each other and you know, this idea into the world, me and my friends, i don't think any of us ever use condoms. because you know, just free pharmacies and guarantee, you know, the person in there is the person and there was no your mother. so, you know, protection was never something that was talked about as because there was something that was used. i just remember there was a day in the shopping center with my mother. i mentioned something about just man and sex and stuff like that. and she said to me, you know what, i hope you don't have aids. you know, we should always wear to condoms. something shipping in that moment when she said,

i texted him the guy that i was away with that nice. and i asked him to meet me off the train station. the i'm from the country. i'm from the country. don't say, well county don't say, well county, i'm going north. i'm on the bus. my body is on the bus. i don't know in my mind is i don't know where my mind is going. he's picking me up . he's taking me back to his place. he's cool, can i think of a mazda camille navy? and i can feel it in my body. i can see that in my body. i can feel it in my body. i can see that in my body. shift a shift, history, history, legacy a legacy, biology,

biology. i can feel it in my body. i can see that in my body and i'm angry. i'm angry. i'm really angry because he took this to me. he gave it to me actually. right now i don't have to wherever though, like i don't have the capacity. i can't empathize with him right now. okay. so happened was, i walked into his kitchen. i said the cost of watching and i can't remember this really i've so i was so angry. i looked at them, i can look to think and i said to him, i said, have you ever used a condom? have you ever used when have you ever put one on? have you ever used? come down and then i said, so what belongs to me. oh my god, seriously, what me don't to me. what the don't to me, what we don't to me were you just having sex with everybody is what was happening. where you just have a 2nd and everyone. have you ever use a condom?

have you ever put one on what are you out there already? step away from you. step away from your stuff away from me. you have no business telling me what to do. good. i only have to get out of your house. do you have any idea? do you have any clue? i'm calling the guy the guy. i'm calling the guys, i'm new sort of the i'm just on the go with mountain stepped away. okay. never use a condo. have you ever put one on? what are you out to do to me, as i mean, the company said something to you more speed. it was to be surprised,

but it's how it goes in the states. and because as today's been, he's dying of aids, you know, and because of brothers with us in the clinic and very much the living with age, you know how to julia to i've felt as if i have been hit by spurred german. and lots of people have talked to use the same extension. notice instead of shop for the 8 months, what is the worst fear you see to have to names to you or your corporate appointments and things of that tonight and say that is i don't like you can. yeah, it's fair to bring my own as a normal time of age and to send some age success rates on the as a late in the appraisals says system often takes a note with saying, sonya name is an dream that i feel that. so i have done, you know, the

so how would we do this? i just think it's important tonight to clarify, before we begin a system or understand the gentleman. because obviously you're going to miss bacon or comfortable talking to me by just saying that it would be good if there was certain things that we equate. like in terms of people's names, maybe you know what i mean? like i'm grant, as long as it's not in local pay for at the end of the day, you know, but that's not really gone then is it like because well, if we did have you on the stage, right. and then just by chance, someone from your hometown locks and that makes sense, right there could get back hung up. i didn't couldn't so what else can we do? i mean, i suppose that was good to try and make that part of it. couldn't we?

like watching, okay, now while he stood there in front of the audience as well, if you ask him, well, if you've said, don't say this box downside is by. why do you said honest thing? i'm going to say it's like anything i'm going to say tonight is between menu is between me and you. when you leave the space, when you leave the space in either behind you, you leave it behind. it's private. what if we try to give the audience that responsibility? maybe they think that's something that could work. i don't know yet. i don't need to really the,

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