express conference with this really prime minister benjamin netanyahu. the militant group of mazda is firmly rejected the idea as, as the palestine liberation organization, as well as the us l y, saudi arabia, georgia, the w news. i'll be back in the top of the hour with more will lose. i think to see you this, the can you see is what old car tires have to do with you production? here's a hands on the really indeed the snow on youtube

shave is very weird. it's like always in your surrounding. would you never really know it feels really erie just that's i blush really quickly. i saw swift experts. my heart starts to rise to push. the shame is one of the things that to me feel like being locked up. it's just scared to make any more mistakes or something like that. harness understood that this was the, by the way to everything i'd say, and how i carried myself. there's always this fear that you've done something's wrong with the we all know the feeling of wanting to vanish into thin air or sink beneath the surface. it may be because we think we don't fit in, or that we don't live up to other people's expectations. or because someone has mistreated us, melina is on

a european tour with her band called the long side or is her long time partner and band meet 2 months. on the songs we write together, manliness, things openly, about a vulnerable side of her life. the new album is about something, most people don't talk about shame something the lena has experienced since she was raped at the age of 19 the, the sexual assault was always being very horrific. but i don't think that is the, the main thing you're dealing with afterwards. i think the after mass of the shame and feeling invisible and you're carrying this with you all the time and people not seeing it but you you're feeling it. i think that's the biggest issue. and it's

hard to, to change that as well because it's like in your body. alongside feelings of shame and guilt came physical pain, heart problems and panic attacks. all symptoms of me, lena is post traumatic stress disorder. for a long time, she tried to keep that side of herself from other people to you. she presented herself as a strong woman who's outgoing and loved to laugh. but was it just a facade? i wouldn't necessarily say is fake, but it is definitely a way of trying to avoid harder subjects or it's a, it's a, it's, it's a facade. it's easy to keep that up to, to make people think that everything's fine. because if they noticed that something is not fine, then the don't ask you i don't want people to ask me to the

child how to use attendance. shame has a tendency to make you withdrew to meet you go quiet and they'll say opened up around others. but he said they would see what a fluid and terrible person you are. then that's one reason we didn't talk about it much. well, that's another reason is that we simply don't want to feel it. it's one of the most painful emotions because it always implies that there's something fundamentally wrong with you and who wants to feel that way. and then i says, or something about staying on. know dina meyer is a researcher at the social neuro science lab at lou back university in germany. together with colleague feeder paolo's, she investigates how social interactions shape or self image and what role or emotions play. so what does that actually mean to feel ashamed? does hom get us on the amazon things that are really internalized rules and norms that we learned as children?

that's power and that's are really meaningful to us information that we feel we have to measure ourselves against them. it's a to not be, might be a, by what role we play, and society, or how we treat our fellow human beings and on this missions and how do i have ties looks as humans are incredibly social beings, that you could almost say we're hypoth social, the so if we old just did what we wanted when didn't codes and nice our actions and our endeavors. yeah. then we wouldn't be able to live as a society in cutting as little as professional friend's name. shame is part of our basic need for social belonging. because none of us can 5 alone. anthropologists believe that even our stone age ancestors were capable of feeling ashamed. they lived in small groups and it helped their chance of survival if everyone adhered to certain rules. the an individual who acted against the values of the community could suffer the worst form of shaming being cast out

the even today, we carry the primal fear of not belonging to counter this year. we react with feelings of shame or embarrassment in everyday life. we often use these terms interchangeably, to describe situations when we feel especially uncomfortable, but from a scientific point of view, that's not quite correct on this type of chance i've been that does this. what's embarrassment and shame have in common this other what we call self conscious, social, or even moral emotions. so home, the environment has to do with how i present myself to the outside world. doing it requires an audience kind of, i have to think about what others think of me when moving. so there's an audience standing around me and possibly making judgments about me. and shame is when i withdraw and think about myself. obviously, i'm rude about whether i'm adequately complying with the rules and says whether i'm

in any way the person i want to be. we all carry the seat of shame within us. but for some people, it develops to such an extent that it stifles every positive feeling. the co share is a psychologist at the university of co does or in nice. her research focuses on the cycle pathology of shame. because while she is important for society to function, it can also make us sick, causing depression, eating disorders or addiction. often the foundations for these problems are formed in childhood or offered to ski force of well stick um same as initially a good thing on effect because it gives the child orientation and structure a. this took to head on from local fits loans to loop to home so that it comes from

the gaze of the mother. yeah. so the or another person who takes special care of the time they're doing a best friend who can do man. yeah. previously known for their so look that both the shames and at the same time conveys a feeling of shame, tests me alone. in that moment it's like the child is looking into a mirror, walkable go fits on them. they become aware of how they are perceived by others, and this shows do so from the moment i feel ashamed. do i realize that i exist? it's independent of the mother because exist. these people see a dilemma. a sense of shame develops gradually, beginning when a child is around 18 months old. that's when the child has learned to perceive itself as an independent, being the need for self determination grows. they want to discover the world through disapproving looks or words. they learn that not everything they do is

approved for loud. this is often frustrating for the child, but the parents will comfort them with love and care. in this way, the child learns the values and norms of their community and internalizes them. in the 1st 3 years of our lives, this is an important part of our personality development. but if our basic needs of security, mugs and autonomy are neglected from an early age, it can be traumatic for the child to me, then develop a shame trauma. this can happen if the child feels rejected by their caregivers, repeatedly experiences violence or even if they're over protected and constantly controlled. the child may believe they themselves are in some way, not right, and develop a negative self image to nothing showing last who and from

a very early age, children gets a good idea of what the parents expect them. and they might feel they only have with when they achieve something, when they do well, a school will play the piano really well, ovens of science. so when have a parental affection is linked to an achievement. that's a basic assumption. quickly forms that you can only be loved if you achieve something that and then that's why what happens in early childhood is so important stuff. so in this, when can type of see if it's a survival strategy, children do everything they can to be loved by their parents. it's especially difficult when their parents send mixed messages. like when a parent says everything is fine, but look sad, or tells the child they can go like, keeps holding onto them. the child doesn't understand these contradictions and looks for the fault and themselves. in extreme cases, this can cause trauma. a little my poor nick sick, but to who i pull my thoughts, the stuff that kind of initial trauma phone doesn't always occur in childhood.

there might be no problem with the child's development. and he said that you have these x, you don't lose dramatic events. and later in life might also trigger shame. so for example, rape of your abuse and the trauma experienced in war before d humanizing violent zillow, did you many don't love. those are cases in which the person becomes the object of someone else exists. there dehumanized interview last. when that happens, they feel shame around. that's why i say that shame is the last last june when it comes to still feeling human to as long as i can feel shame, i'm still human. so go in the, on one hand, it seems absurd for a victim to feel ashamed. but the shame that follows a traumatic experience can be an unconscious attempt to take back control of

a situation that was uncontrollable. that way, the victim doesn't feel completely powerless. and at the mercy of others chime, i did my best on it. so tuned us a shame always has something to do with taking responsibility for what happened. and we also know, for example, in the case of rate, that victims don't have any room to many of the in fact there are cool mechanisms and bodies that caused us to freeze and stop us from being able to want miss me a 100 fish is me lena didn't feel anger or hatred towards the man who raped her, neither then nor now. instead, she experienced feelings of guilt and shame, and not only related to the true attic experience itself. i remember telling it to friends, but not maybe in so many words, but trying to say is i wasn't really sure how to say it and then people would

respond like i shouldn't have gone with him or stuff like that. so people blame you super easy uh, i remember going to the hospital to get checks on the h i v and own all that kind of thing. and then they said like, i didn't use it on them the kind of thing. so then you think, oh yeah, why didn't i it's super weird to somehow people really a without them noticing how big this subject is to just think that it's super you could have taken care of yourself. that's kind of, i would felt for me for a long time that i should have done this myself. i think that's. that's one of the reasons why you get stuck because people tell you the

elaina tried to forget and repress what had happened to her. for a long time, she didn't talk to anyone about it. she was constantly on the move and always busy studying working 2 jobs, making music, playing gigs, touring and at some point there was cove it and i didn't have any work and defense wasn't touring. and i didn't really feel like writing and then kind of all the demons came out. so there was no hiding anymore. i wasn't doing well. and yeah, i think the silence really hit me. after some time he passed me began to write lyrics and compose again. gradually she began

to understand the emotions that were forcing their way to the surface. the every lyric was a way of understanding how her feelings of shame and guilt were affecting her life . together with thomas, she wrote some very personal thoughts and sometimes it does even still gives me goosebumps, performing the songs and realizing what they are about, and also the strength that it takes. and they go to the thanks to perform them to get beyond the shame and the, and all the negative feelings that just to stand there. and then showed that the world, the, the album premier, that the renowned road burn festival because of the coven,

19 pandemic. the dutch festival was held online that year the 2 men soon went down to an extent, it's possible to feel shame, even though from the outside. so to there's no reason for it to these compulsive feelings of shame for sure. actually a form of protection before at the same time that they are very unpleasant. because they point to a deeper shame is super one that's on speak of bones, a shame that is true magic. and which we can't make sense of jeffrey pool, which has broken into our site, click and done that. so if, if hoc showing the position, so the more we try to hide shape, the more powerful it becomes. and the more negatively we see ourselves

here in lieu back, researchers are investigating whether and how embarrassment and shame influence are self image. the test subjects have to answer various problems on a computer. before each task, they have to guess how well or poorly they and the other subjects will perform. later they're asked to assess their performance, or they proud or shaped, happy or embarrassed. what the test subjects didn't know was that they were all given the same self assessment results. the researchers only wanted to know how they were influenced by the ratings. but i'm going to do this project. the end of the large div is enough to punish katelyn on attendance. what we saw in this study is that people who experienced a lot of embarrassment this have a tendency to come out of the task. this quite a negative self image. in other words, like all the negative feedback they receive,

tends to just stick stuff and all. and i would assume that if someone felt a lot of shame, that would also fundamentally influence the self image in the same way that embarrassment does positive. and so if i feel a lot of shame then the negative feedback, i get to buy myself things, which then leads to a negative self image. but which in turn leads to a lot of shame that's, that's done, could have them to few thompson. this could explain why some people underestimate their ability, sense performance for why some people perceive their body extremely negatively. seeing any small slot is a major problem, as if under a magnifying glass. shame can make people immune to positive feedback, so that praise and di formation no longer get through the chain. also silence is us. in new york

research here, michael, slip in studies. why concealing things from others can be so destructive? he says people have an average of 13 secrets, including about relationships, sexual behavior, finances, and family were always careful not to accidentally blurt the secrets out. that's not the problem. it turns out that what's hard about having a secret is not that we have to hide it. it's that we have to live with it alone in our thoughts. and when we choose to be alone with something, something upsetting or a struggle, anything difficult, we won't develop the healthiest way of thinking about it. and it turns out it's the secrets we think most about that are most harmful to his research shows that the more shameful a secret is, the more often we have to think about it. in many cases, we don't even realize how regularly it crosses our mind. we

move over the same thoughts again and again without being able to see a way out and that can do damage. we ask people to think about the secrets of keeping they behave as if they're actually caring up as a whole burden in that moment when we're thinking about significant secrets, we judge the world around us is more challenging to interact with. just as if we would do if we were tired or fatigues for any reason. thinking about our secrets can make mountain, seem bigger distances further and tasks more strenuous, the that impairs our ability to orient ourselves. other studies say that even our cognitive performance can suffer as a result. ultimately, it changes the way we perceive the world. so i'm have to him of us with him is that a shame always has something to do with the self image. if we think i'm was less

and nobody loves me, i'm on the track to, i'm honestly, i have a full become past it. the defects whole perception of ourselves for me is christophe is a 27 year old communication designer. he's sensitive and pathetic and creative for a long time. he thought he was simply a shy person who didn't like being the center of attention. but he constantly thought of how others might perceive him increasingly feelings of shame for controlling his life, the seller. so in the month of october for this august wouldn't go through that with things i didn't do because i was afraid of the feeling because i didn't want to feel i feel like i remember an exhibition we did a students and i'm looking a lot in the warehouse well it was really cool and i was kind of nominated for it

on like this. and so like chicken down, this is even though i actually had some really cool stuff, that's the help of a said not to missed out on this all these days. post office annoyed about the opportunities he missed, but the fear that people might not like his work might not like him, was simply too great. the things were different with his girlfriend lara. he trusted and confided in her showing or his true self. despite that, he went through a serious crisis, boyfriends young bob's mind typical song and the last 5 years or more of depression has been a recurring fee for me on the fiction to show in several respects. the novel henzy shed, god knows was your freedom. you sean,

so much for me because you want to avoid having to feel things like shy one of the show you any other ones. i feel the nice feelings stuff. i'm not totally unpleasant, was on. yeah. for that, and it won't ends up catching up with you anyway. so it doesn't how a lot of losing a vicious cycle running away from shame, only to feel even more ashamed afterwards again and again stopped as bai's be confused or the end of this month. i don't think lots of people are familiar with this example on a friday nights and if there's something you don't want to feel as you want to run from android. oh, and so you grab a couple of one like hoping you won't have to feel that i'm pleasant to motion for the next morning at the latest you completely and knowing that you did it again, you run away again. it's gonna be difficult. all of us on the course. the negative feeling hasn't gone away. it's just as strong. if not stronger the

at some point, christoph realized that he needed help. it took a huge effort to pull himself away from work and his everyday life. and to start getting treatment to, to clinic at that point, he didn't know that shame would play a major role in his therapy sessions. so i can go. so all 56 is most when someone suffers from shame to more in that revealing of shame is usually expressed to begin with for the before sometimes the person says something like, i'm ashamed of my addiction here. but most of the time that seem just covering up another shame, so just being good on. so 1st of all, hicks 0, you have to take the person in and create a framework of healing. and that's appropriate to the feeling of shame secure his own visual up in the course of the therapy. don't you and the patient then find out

that the shame trauma consistence precisely of not being able to talk about in a group. i still prescription with you. they do a routine that only becomes possible gradually postpone with things like dreams fell or slips with the times you look as you do as i, as doing that. seuss christoph treatment was a breakthrough. he used to feel helpless at the mercy of his emotions. but now he's learned techniques to protect himself these days christoph attends therapy sessions once a week. today he's going to be using an imagination technique to look back at his childhood the most and that's not asked. i found myself thinking about the situation more often in recent years. so i'm about 5 or 6 years old. yes i would it be okay if i address that a little crest off as you. okay,

so your 5 or 6 from 4 to 6? yeah. i know, but it's just to me and 2 or 3 of the boys by official as far as i mean, i remember that i wasn't being very fit to one of them. the discussion is a fail to. i'm from then and the games minutes and that kind of really giving it back to me. now let's get this thing. what are you feeling right now? had all of it is just being small, vulnerable. i don't know. it just makes the sad something out of it. so keeps an eye on like there be a person who could help you in this picture. so you don't feel so long and portal definitely my problem does so. so the opposite design. i'm not saying i'm doing the outside, but it's a way of working through itself to the finalize and such as find those needs one met about then you go back to that place and your imagination content and then

change the course of events and also so that you get to what you need it so well, security can attachment, love, or tone to me. i'll tell them you the another possible way to escape the power of shame is to meditate clear your head and become com. let the fear of being judged by others. faith and connect with yourselves. the shame makes us feel small, helpless inside. it prevents us from daring to follow our dreams from living the life we want to live. for some people, shame become so strong that it overwhelms all other feelings. like an enormous destructive wave. we ran a study where we simply asked people to think about

a secret that they were keeping from their romantic partner in the lab. asked them to think about something negative about themselves that are part that their partner was aware of. and compared to thinking about something negative, that your partner was aware of, just simply thinking about a secret that your partner doesn't know evoke distress, response a secular, physiological stress response. essentially we saw that the heart speeding faster, but less efficiently. when people are thinking about their secrets, and so it turns out that what's potentially really harmful about a secret is the stress of thinking about it. and over time, that cumulative stressor can wear away at our well being. researchers have used magnetic resonance imaging to investigate what triggers social stress in our brains test subjects were given. suppose it reading from other people included derogatory comments like you seem and secure, your boring or your lazy. these negative comments lead to

surprising reactions the, the same region of the brain that is active when we experience physical pain from heat or other pain stimuli was activated. that suggests that there's some overlap when it comes to how our brain processes, physical and social paint. the an explanation could lie in the evolutionary history of humans, because stress used to mean one thing above all, physical danger. that's why the brain continuously scan the environment. if it recognizes a threat, it not only activates the muscles and the cardiovascular system, but also the immune system to prepare for possible attack. these biological mechanisms still function, even though most stress factors these days are emotional rather than physical. and

social pain often triggers shame. that costs us a huge amount of energy and as with extreme fear, we seem to freeze up inside me, lena has come up with an image for this. she presents herself wearing armor of the this is just a way of trying to make visual what is, are visible, maybe what is invisible to others, like this hard shall you have around yourself to make sure that people can touch you. and also, i mean this picture looks like she's, she's come from battle, but she looks really great the in the suit. horrible to where it's really heavy. so it's a heavy burden as well. which i think is a metaphorically interesting as well. after a traumatic experience,

life is no longer as it was before the me lena has managed to free herself from the paralysis she was experiencing so small, even so some of what she feels is difficult to deal with. using reason alone. they understand that it's the perpetrators fault enough to fix themselves. and then at some point it just clicks that it maybe wasn't my fault. it's super complicated because there still a lot of moments when there's a lot of guilt and, and that really didn't feel right. yeah. 6 the

shame is there a really difficult an ocean to cope with? if we feel like we're a bad person and we might feel like we need to be punished for being a bad person, we might even engage in self punishing behaviors that hurt us the, for somebody experiencing shame the imagined looks of other people can destroy any sense of self worth because she means not being accepted by others. that's how people experience it in western culture. it's important that we come across as well as possible as individuals. in order to be accepted the

psychology we see that people who are ashamed are awesome. not doing very well, what you strive for in those cultures, which is, you know, to be, to have value of yourself is violated with, with shame. so i think shame in, in western countries often reflect some shortcoming that is really in you. that is part of yourself. weston psychology. thinks that shame is when something is bad about yourself. the person as a whole, but in many cultures is it's actually good to feel shame. patch amaskita is a researcher at the university of lubin in belgium. she's a pioneer in the cultural psychology. she says there are no hard wired emotions that have the same effect on everyone. even though everyone in the world experience a shame, we don't all deal with it and the same way in many cultures when you

feel shame, that's a reason that other people will accept you. and so the consequences of shame are very different. a child who feels shame in taiwan, there is research. there's anthropological research with children who feel shame. well, 1st of all, mothers make change their children and consequently, they comfortably point out what their child did wrong. and they want their child to be a shame. they think that of their child as well braced and well behaved when they, when they feel shame. and then the consequence of feeling shame is, is not that other people reject you, but is actually that other people accept you and that other people feel goods that you acknowledge that you, that you acknowledged your shortcomings in europe and united states. many people into strength and children self esteem and protect them from shame. but in other parts of the world, she is an important part of a child's upbringing. in japan and korea,

children are taught to express shame from an early age. it's not a pleasant emotion. there either, but unlike in the west where shame can make people incapable of acting in those cultures, it is seen as motivation to constantly improve to be at one's best spot you in mosquito and other researchers around the world, have interviewed thousands of people about these different approaches to shame what we see when we do this kind of research as that, as americans, when a situation is very shameful, they avoid. so how do we see that? because those, those situations that elicit a lot of shame, hardly occur in american culture. when japanese find a situation very shameful, it is actually more frequent. so the occurs more so you can say,

they actually seek those situations out in japan and korea, it's extremely important to openly express change. this makes it clear that people recognize society's norms and rules, as well as their position and hierarchy. fletcher mosquito is currently preparing a new study with her japanese colleague yukiko, who she does. it will look at self criticism in shame and romantic relationships. they're still working out the exact methodology, the, which isn't the starting point and maybe see the same about that too. that's maybe this is again, this is the starting point to look at the home fix. read that may be can be changeable. yeah. and then the, the, the, the motivation. yeah. i'm in that sense it's, it may be a painful feeling but not, not only negative. good. they've studied how

couples from japan, belgium, in the us deal with conflict for the japanese, it was difficult. the tend to try to avoid conflict relying on self criticism in shame, and not only in romantic relationships. people may experience the same emotion, but they have very different ways of dealing with it. and it can have different consequences for our lives. shame itself is neither good nor bad. it may have constructive or destructive effects depending on the values of the group to which we feel we belong as all um yeah, it says and it must call sits and reflect printing on them off. so not physically hiding about but having something in front of you to protect you further. so i'm going on the attack an uncle sky and it's on the one on another that if you

challenge other people and make them feel bad and that makes you feel better about yourself, doesn't. so it's a plastic way of thinking about most uh, for instance, i have to say, i definitely did that. i'm not proud of it device like that. now looking back, understood, i can understand why it happens that why pushed in a home to so long to avoid feeling shame. we often cover enough with other feelings. things are, for example, the other people of the coming outlet, especially those who are supposedly weaker and can't defend themselves. this can be effective in the short term until we feel ashamed of our behavior once again. but in the moment it serves to restore our feelings of power and strength. so i'm going to, in mine have same always goes hand in hand with the feeding of inferior or it's a whole system. it's always the expression of a pilot and balance. when we realize this,

another person has total control over us. it means that with totally powerless and defense, less than we subordinate to them, his sight with nothing more than the other persons placing on i mention the shame usually goes hand in hand with demonstrations of power throughout history. it's been used by rulers to maintain authority. and put down dissenters for a long time. those who didn't into by society's rules were punished and the village square devices like the pillory, have long been a valid to these days. shaming is making a big come back on social media. almost anyone on line can find themselves a target of ridicule, harassment, or malicious attacks. it might be a photo, a comment or an unfortunate moment of grandstanding thousands compounds on it. it

can fund literally or even reacting with anger and hatred. what's more, this kind of collective shaming can be completely anonymous. it often leads us to say things we'd never say in front of others. but according to our leader meyer, there's another site to social networks. and that's another us as java. let's see. i also think social media is a really good way to connect with others is when it comes to issues of shame as when like quit the me to movement, for example, something you can actually overcome shame by making things public networking in that way. my phone was this visual, found that some come there are many cases where people have triumphed over shame online. it allows users to come together and show themselves as they are sports and all it also helps people talk publicly about otherwise taboo topics. like when they no longer want to feel shame because of something that

someone else should be feeling ashamed about. i just decided to, to put it online and i did post it on our social media, but i didn't look edits after that. just to be sure that if there would be like horrible minutes or whatever that i would have read them. we had agreed that i would check the are the responses on, on the, on the so our social media just to be sure that if there were any harming response or whatever. i mean, i would be, shoot us away from is lucky there were none of the responses that were negative, that were uh, confusing that were harmful so that so that was great. the many people have been deeply touched by me, lee and his courage for frank vince and her music fans off and wants to tell their own personal stories after a concert because they no longer feel so alone with their emotions.

as events, when we withdrawal from other people, and when we feel we can't open up soon as we end up feeling like the luminous person in the world may be in the we all know because we can't talk to anyone about oscar. that's how shameless perpetuates, it's the way out of it just to actually go against that impulse. an open up to up as an employer sustan's, and that's the us know. and we can change feelings of shame and channel them and more productive directions. instead of having people think about whether a secret reflects on himself, you can think about your behavior rather than yourself. the aim is not to do away with shame completely. in fact, it's very useful when it comes to our co existence. you could say it's the glue that holds society together by side dealing openly with our shapes. we can learn a lot about who we truly want to be the

on the nico africa, my biggest goal is to get to new york content in the style in money. and that's just a start for rocky auction and traveling to sides cons, adding increasing desertification. she wants to provide local communities with an income. sounds like a lot. sounds just right for this power woman. a co, not for 10. 30 minutes on d, w. safety issues. that management mass.

boeing is in crisis. the us aircraft manufacturer is highly indebted, and moral and image are to in the all time low. is this an opportunity for it to your opinion? rival, airbus made in germany in 90 minutes? dw, the 7 am vernon or sofa is getting on the plane. i'll be on board as well. now review and fall in briefing funding is right in the middle of the global tensions about time between east and west support across some democrats. germany's whole system is on the fresh politics and getting down during the fall, right. gaining ground and the world around germany,

just getting more dangerous. we break it all down with experts and political plans and we de code what it means to you from violin to right where you are totally non you pod cost fun in briefing on youtube and wherever you get the a. this is dw dues live from berlin us president donald trump says the us should take over guns and turn it into the riviera of the middle east. to us we'll take over the guys a script and we will do a job with a to without it. to of also wants fellow citizens living in gauze are relocated to egypt and jordan. really prime minister benjamin. it's in yahoo! praising the president for thinking out of the box. elsewhere in the middle east, there is outrage over the announcement, a c u. s l y saudi arabia and the tell us to the militant group amongst both region .