as it is customary to say the last 90 days at the front, because before that it was all, well, in business of course it was who it was training, it was reformation there, but it was still the army, but it was not a war. in periods, it will become clear. actually, what was happening. to be honest, i thought when i went to the military commissariat, i was sure that the war would begin for me. literally in a few days, i understood that the events were unfolding very quickly, and there was no time for training. will be, i.e. morally, i was ready for it but to some extent i was sick, for sure i don’t know, i don’t know how the stars formed, i don’t know. you can call it in different ways. well, they started preparing me for the front, and i didn’t get there at the very beginning, although well, i

understood that it couldn’t be avoided, and actually speaking i wasn't going to avoid it, and here you are, now the guy came to kyiv for a few days, and you saw, after these 90 days of a real, real war, you see a peaceful city, people's coffee shops young people who are resting, buy coffee, you have this kind of military syndrome which many people feel when they return from the front line to the rear is absolutely not there. i will explain why. because i have volunteer experience from the 14th year to the 22nd - when i went to the front. kind of activity, but it doesn't matter. when you come from the front, even well, then i don't know, you go to

the peaceful dnipropetrovsk region of kharkiv and you go to a gas station, you see a lot of light, and it 's such an impression that you came out of some dark basement into the world of god and see a peaceful life, that is, i i understood that this transition exists and i am not one of those who come with a gloomy look and say that they are drinking coffee here, they are walking here in kyiv. well, what if you wanted them to walk in rags there, collect firewood, i don't know, and stand in queues for bread god forbid i see such a rear this is the rear i would like to see the least because what i saw here is that i would like to see a better kyiv in the sense that without power outages without those interruptions that exist in this civilian life because i don't have bitterness, you don't, you don't have bitterness absolutely no, there is only joy, the opportunity to see

er with er friends, family, etc. i am happy for him and i enjoy these days of vacation, but it does not fall into my eyes. what is it? how is it that here and there it turns out to be a peaceful life? well, thank god, what is it? well, these days, what are you, what are you on the front lines with different people, with ordinary people with people who are different from me it seemed that it was such an experience that it seemed to me that if i had been there, i would have written everything down at once. what i would like to write terribly and i would immediately write a book after i returned

. - first of all, i don't write anything down, i don't take notes, because all of this may one day burn, be destroyed, and so on , so i wouldn't trust any material media, well, then i realized that i have google drive, i have a pretty good memory, i can reproduce dialogues twenty years ago, which happened to me with various people, for whom, for some kind of professional memory, i, and in peaceful life, had few people that were noted down except for some databases of obvious numbers, contacts, and so on, so i did not feel the need to note down anything, you asked which in you know my relationship with my profession, this is probably the relationship of a man who divorced but is forced to maintain a relationship with his previous family, but from sunday there will be a second marriage.

the marriage is with aleya with the same profession, well, of course, it’s called a second marriage, because it will obviously be other media, other projects, and well, don’t let us turn away, there won’t be that countdown if we even talk about him, what he was like before the war. you understand, that is it will be some other project, let's call it his second marriage because of the profession. and now i'm just fulfilling my certain duties. well, how do colleagues contact me, sometimes they ask me to write something . there was a pause, i'll tell you, from february to somewhere in june, i wrote nothing ah and mine is a bit like that please, i will never write and i will not say that i wrote here, publish it, people approached me and said, write, i say yes, i will try to write and do it, that is, this is a profession where there are suggestions, no matter how we repair it there, if there is a demand for my texts there is a demand, then i will write. i am not one of those authors, i will repeat that who write and then

think about where to put it. and here i am there for up to a week where i used to work for several peniv projects in particular. i am very grateful that they involved me it is important to several of their projects as for an athlete, you know who is forced to leave training or let's say to limit them, but still the body needs a load and so on. and yes, in a professional sense, i think it would not be wrong and unfair to be completely silent from sunday and then i will say something. no well, we live in such a world where people sometimes reflect too often on everything, but if the media market needs me at least a little bit, then why don't i write about my uh-uh experience, ah, do i take notes, i say, i don't take notes but i remember everything vividly emotional moments, i think we will remember them all our lives, we don't need to edit anything, plus i'm such a

bit of a mocker, i announced them to play it on the fact that people's intonation, how they talk, and so on, do you feel that the war somehow changes you? have you changed internally ? internally, you were radicalized somehow or something. well, because i couldn't even ask you, but i think that you saw. you saw the deaths of people. you saw death. you saw something that most of us did not see. it changed you internally. you know, it is difficult to say because the best of these changes are noticed by people from the outside, yes , and yes, some of my life priorities have definitely changed, i have become, uh, um, less picky. in general, i think that one of the gains of the war, if it was possible, would not sound controversial to the kostrubat, this is the ability to distinguish the main from the secondary a peaceful life has a lot of secondary

things that may seem important. that is, it's some kind of status thing, it's some kind of thing, it's the question of joining certain parties, not parties, it's there, appearance , clothes, i don't know, people care about big things by fools in peacetime, but i think that it is important and this discussion is a war, it is absolutely redraw it, i understand that there are simple basic things, simple values ​​​​and only they matter, that is, what was taught there, i don’t know us ancient philosophers, what should to rejoice in the very fact of life, but we didn't rejoice every morning. that i woke up, i'm alive. i'm healthy, my arms and legs are whole. i thank god for this day. yes, we are. well, i am. and i totally understand what you mean you are talking about when the russian army withdrew from the kyiv region, i felt it very strongly. i understand that you,

god, may not be to that extent. but i understand what it is about. yes, and that's why you know when people call me there or write and ask how you are, i answer live, it's not a pontik you know what i want to say, get off my back. well, i'm alive, i'm glad about it, that's the main point, i'm alive, i exist, i'm whole . it will be okay because you are talking about how things have changed. yes, i am let's say that i cleaned the system disk and left only the most important and most expensive in it, and everything that is secondary, it happened somewhere. well, that's how it will be. i can already feel certain cracks . who has seen death

and who has not come to this hell i am fully aware that you will never answer let's say the abyss of grief without horror a person who has gone through a catastrophe let's say saw death was on the verge of death or lost a home or lost loved ones eh or ready was to sacrifice myself so and so and to those who did not go through all this so no matter how you sympathize, but equally you do not have this inner and equivalent to respond to this person according to the level of her grief yes or her levels of experienced eh no matter how you do not agree and no matter how empathetic you are, imagine that you return to the editorial office to us, by the way, almost all the men at the front are being treated, but all the same, some fought and some did not, imagine that you come back and we start

working together saw it and some did not see it survived, someone didn't survive. do you think it will come out somehow? i think that at the professional level it shouldn't come out like that. the fact that i fought does not give me any preferences there before you or other colleagues who said yes and you didn't fight, so you will be there doing 30% of the work will not be the same in any conversations there. well, i think that when a person who has not fought starts to think about something about war and make some overly bold conclusions. well, i think that a person who has such experience will always do remarks and will say, well, either you are wrong or it doesn't happen like this, it couldn't be, and so on, that's why i think that on a professional level, we should communicate normally, just like before and before, talking purely about working moments in personal communication, what i er i don't love you either, what am i afraid of, of course there won't be such a thing between us, these are stupid questions and you

killed and you saw death and someone died in your house and how is it and so on, this is some kind of unhealthy voyeurism that should be avoided and i will honestly say in my i've simply encountered this in my life i sent people a direct text saying that i won't talk to you in uh, uh, and well, in principle, we didn't care what kind of emotions it would cause that person it did not seem like a feat and a noble cause there , it is neither an indulgence nor er hmm does not put it on a higher level than other people if we are talking about a professional sphere of activity of course that one way or another but if we imagine our previous edition there we are guys there who fought, we will communicate with each other a little more it's like if we, for example, like your barracks all loved motorcycles there, i don't know if they loved fishing there , yes, that is, you can't get anywhere for that, people have

some interests or common experiences and they return to their favorite topics or how we love you to talk about books, for example, but here's where you mentioned by the way, pasha kazarin and we also, uh, recently talked about private things, we did n't talk on the air, we just met privately and talked and we talked about feelings of guilt and i told him about this feeling the fault of all of us here the rear that has been gnawing at us since february, and uh, any rational arguments, let's say, which i give myself, let's say, my work is this media, this is texts, which i can influence. in this way, but uh, i think i even wrote somewhere about the first i felt the need. when i, uh, when i bought somewhere, it was the end of february, when i bought and brought

warm socks to the guys from the azov regiment who were staying not far from us here, and that's when i felt for the first time after the interview that i gave despite the texts that were written what what this is this this is what is needed indeed, returning to the conversation with pavel kazaryan, he says that you know, this is a feeling of guilt, it is such a certain regularity , those who left for the west feel guilt before those who remained in ukraine, those who remained in in the rear of ukraine, they feel guilty in front of those who are on the front line

. ato time or as we her we call the first war among themselves, they said that there is no sense of guilt, that is, only two hundredths, that is, those who died. i think that well, we will not now . from the people, the person you rightly said left the country, she already has a sense of guilt, and if, for example, you were on the front line, you were replaced by the guys and one of them , god forbid, was wounded or killed, then of course you will feel your guilt for that's if you're with this still has something more or less tangential to making some decisions, you will 200% feel this guilt from this. from this nowhere, not after that , and you correctly said that but when you went there and made a very simple river in the sock field for azov citizens, yes, i lived like that in the period from

the 14th to the 22nd, because i was engaged in volunteering, i also said the information front there we hold here and so on, but it was not enough for me, that is why i understand that if i no longer fight i think it is necessary to do something for the army the total majority of our compatriots are doing something like this, where does this money come from, in the serhiy prytula fund, i don’t know, in other volunteer organizations, a-a, that is, people help people who would be there, and that’s why i always say be careful there, condemning the person who sits in the coffee shop maybe she is negotiating there to buy the next batch of maliks, well, we met and drank coffee at the same time, what if i am bad at this? well, i think it is not amenable to any accounting, how many of our people donate, how many do there, how many volunteer, but i i see the result of this activity and it is impressive. he is good. this shows that people are getting involved . in whatever field, whatever profession they are involved in and in whatever country they live, which is also

important, we will talk with you about such a sensitive matter for me today. my friends from canada sent me such a funny video about the winter about how the armed forces dance and kill uh occupiers and it looks so soothing optimistic cool funny and i asked um and parallel to this parallel to this the day before yesterday, i talked about how difficult it is on the front lines, uh, i understand. i see that in my facebook feed there are very, very many obituaries and reports of deaths, and i asked uh, a very resonant post by the writer artem chekha about the fact that the

war - this is not about knights, about invaluable experience, but in fact about an early death in a country burned by war, in which it is already impossible to live and it is impossible not to live, and about the black gap after this war, with which artem will have to live and get out of it in one generation many have mastered the networks and advised him not to drop his ptsr, it was immediately called a neurosis btsser so that he does not dump it on the public and does not sow everything about palstva and minora, what is your opinion closer to share this, talk about it frankly or hmm or not sow everything about palstva and minora and behave like this optimistic and victorious, too. i

think that the closer a person is to death, the less optimistic he is. well, this is probably the pattern. that is, it is easy to be a city when you live in canada. well, in our case. well, i do not want to personally offend anyone. but i think that those who live in canada, there are much more reasons for optimism compared to even peaceful residents of some kostiantynivka of the donetsk region, i don’t know. i think i see this post by artem the czech. well, i saw this discussion that you mention, and i also wrote in some a similar text about what you understand, we will be able to talk about the war only in our, well, frankly , as frankly as possible, we could only in our veteran circle, it is necessary because people who do not have experience, firstly, they will be shocked if

they know all the details, secondly they they won't understand something, they will condemn us for something, maybe, and well, this is a terrible truth, and no matter how much they try to tell it, i'm just watching the retelling of the experiences of previous soldiers, all the same, it still remains a-a question for retives, it seems to me that every a person is there, but every author they some moments are deliberately avoided in the descriptions because something will be too cruel, something will be implausible because it is not war, sometimes there are situations when, well, i need to say what is it, what are you flying, what are you, what are you telling me? of course, a person who has gone through this is very traumatized when they don't even believe you. you've had such an experience. and they don't believe you. it seems to me that ah, here's this wave, here's thinking positively in every crisis, looking for opportunities, here's business training, psychology, that's right. yes yes, any experience is

priceless, and she fits well in peacetime. in war, i would, er, i would be careful with such generalizations. of course, this is also a lesson in humanity and solidarity, and er, there is a war in spite of losses and everything fell to the ground, it's still there a sense of brotherhood brotherhood this is probably the most expensive thing, but you don't need to look for opportunities oh, i joined the army, it's a great opportunity to train your skills, nothing like that yes, it's even better not to express it, so that you are not perceived as a fool , but better think about how you can be useful in your of the subdivision and how can you complete the task and at the same time stay alive in our country, by the way, they already teach not the same as in the soviet tradition there, a comrade dies himself - he saves that your life is worthless there , they still say to complete the task and save your own life is important and well, i'm glad that a significant part of

our commanders also understand this and try to protect people, so there's no need to perceive war. i don't know how studying in cambridge or student practice can be a one-way ticket somewhere to intense . and you'll take this experience away from by myself to the other world, yes, as it sounds, it's sad here, all the videos are so victorious, and that is, we're not talking about what, what, what, we're not going to victory very confidently . i don't think it's just such a feature the psyches of people who are in the rear feel the same guilt, you feel the very horror, they understand everything subconsciously and this is such a hiding place, this is such a strategy of the human psyche in order to avoid the truth. i am

not very well versed in psychology, but i think that it is similar to similar to that because people had such a euphoria of elation that oh russian tanks are on fire there, enemy equipment is on fire, here we go a little more, we will burn them all, we will all pile up like uh and that famous phrase two or three weeks and everything will be fine and then the effect of disappointed hopes. what does it turn out to be? there, some people said that we won't go on vacation this summer, we won't be able to go, and so on. no, no, no, i see it on social networks. and then people start clinging to discussing it until the end of may or until the end, that is, until the end . in march, the war will end, yes. in other words , this is not an immature discussion at all, in my opinion, but people want either the war to end, or it will end as a result of such uh, um, funny and easy. well, sometimes people write to me too. well, why are you

living there by hand? yes, yes. and nothing for that i want to answer because we don't always chase it and it's not so easy to chase it, and sometimes they chase us in some areas. and this, too, must be recognized, and the sub-act, most often we just have to fight against them to defend the boundaries that we occupied in full war as it is, the people in the rear are peaceful, er, a positivist brought up on philosophy, but they will never accept it, that's why you can only advise them that er, just be patient, think about how you can be useful, so it's better to fast cat food, this to me it seems less traumatic and to a lesser extent distorts the perception of reality about the positive thing i

want to ask about the negative thing er can you describe the lowest point you were at in these 9 months, let's say the point when you were really hard psychologically what was it connected with i will not tell the details, it was related to the fact that when my close brother died, with whom we started services in kyiv, and he was a person, well, besides the fact that she is close to me, i understood. these are just those people in whom you believe that everything will be fine with him it's okay because in he had combat experience, he was such a real sergeant, he knew everything, he knew, compared to my worthless experience, which was at the end of february. it was the hardest

moment, the hardest moment was finding out that our comrades were captured. and i really don't like discussions and who is to blame for this, especially when they try to say where they themselves are to blame. i've never said that, i won't say it, and well , this is a difficult moment, because until now we know so much about their fate, er, i would like to know more, i would like an exchange to take place, for them to return alive, and that's it, you know it, you lived with these people in the same room. you can see that there are empty beds and their things are lying around. that's how they left them when they went out to the front. it's hard, as you say. it's one of the lowest points, because for me, the lowest point is when it's bad. to someone else, that is, when i feel bad there or i could to die, i breathe out well, i didn't die already and thank

god i don't reflect, i don't twist these scenarios in my head, here i could have died, but here i almost didn't die, well, for me, it's just that i just drained away everything, i got out i'm alive, that means everything is fine, say whatever please , are you in the context of the news, are you following what is happening in the country, are you included in what is happening to journalism, for example, what is happening with your words about turning off three digital broadcasting channels about the censorship of the president 's office and the ministry of culture on a telethon about how just a few days ago , instead of answering the request of journalists, he threatened to publish this request about the fact that there is no political competition of free channels. are you included in this? is it simple somewhere there is, let's continue the analogy

i used at the beginning, that it is indecent to be interested in all the details of your ex-wife's life, but i can't get into the eyes of all the fights and so on, because it takes a lot of time, i have to talk with dozens of people there to to understand but there is such a situation, there is such a thing, here i am, as it is fashionable to say, no, it is not in the resource to do this, i hear something . yes, i had an hour-long conversation with you about the media. i once called you and we talked for a long time, and you told me i told all these things and i'm kind of like, well, i'm afraid to make some kind of evaluation judgments here, i see some kind of tip of the iceberg, i see that well, it's okay, war in general is a time of censorship, one way or another, if we didn't treat it, but at the same time, it's there is a risk , as they say, of throwing the baby out with the bath water

that is, there are some things there, restrictions on enemy propaganda. and there is an opportunity to clear the information field and eliminate your competitors. i understand that this is exactly what happened when they eliminated marshmallows . of course it's a shame, but i'm saying that since i'm not a player, i'm more of an observer, and you understand that at such a moment, i have no one to talk to about it. well, because, er, there are no people from the media sphere near me, and accordingly, it gets lost somewhere. yes, i say i see, i observe some things, but no, well, i'm not even ready to talk about them professionally, because i'm not part of the process now, but sometimes they say that when, for example, they see some kind of impropriety, there is some corruption or some things that are absolutely unacceptable, so in politics they say that well, the

guys from the front will come, er, the war will end. we will win, the guys from the front will come and quickly restore order here . in the rear and did not see whether they would rather come exhausted and injured in a physical and psychological sense how do you how do you feel about this statement that they will come from the front and they will put things in order this is what a helpless mother tells her children that the father's earnings will come to him i'll give him everything i'll tell you, he's fine with that. but my father will come with his earnings and i'll go back again, and my mother will be there with them and try to somehow give them advice, and people will return differently, first of all, someone will not return, if it didn't sound sad