that the grown ups are on another planet. they have no idea what actually matters to us. the result is gender confused kids. >> isn't this confusing for the kids? >> absolutely not. they know who they are. >> assuming, she says they are not manipulated by our sexist society. >> media messages, movies. >> he likes her. >> what our parents taught us. we internalize these norms and think it's how it should be. it's not something that is biological. >> it is biological. most boys like the more active violent sports. >> there are average tendencies. but that doesn't mean most. >> aren't most boys different from most girls? >> i would disagree. >> i once believed that but then i had kids. my wife didn't allow my son to have toy guns.

he made carrots into guns. >> it's true. my son makes everything into guns. >> if the son jumps up from behind the coach and the mom reprimands him and says i love you but i wish you wouldn't into the violence, the relate is not a generation of boys who scrapbook, it's boys who are look to the internet and getting their identities of masculinity from that. >> which is probably not a good thing given what is on the internet. to reduce the influence of sexist culture, sweden pushes toy ads that are gender future rall. girls play with guns and boys iron clothes. boys want to vacuum and iron. >> if that's what speaks to them. >> abby lynn is proposing to make single stall restrooms gender neutral. >> the latest trend is to get

rid of the boy/girl label. but most people are not gender neutral. >> what happens when you ask boys to draw what they want. girls draw people, pets, flowers, tree. the people have eyes, mouth, hair, and clothes. >> this test has been done in america, africa, thailand, japan. here's a japanese girl's pictures and an american girl. >> but the great majority of boys are drawing something different. they are drawing a scene of action, a bunch of squig also because it's action. >> maybe they have been exposed to sexist parents. >> that's what i learned when i was earning my ph.d. in psychological 30 years ago. and then researchers got the idea of giving the same choice to monkeys. we have three studies now, human

chimp or monkey, the males want to play with the truck. and the girls prefer to play with the plush doll. these differences are clearly hard-wired not socially constructed. they are found in four primate species. >> but these people say it's exaggerated. >> some of it is anti-science propaganda. >> gender differences are quite small. >> all social, it's not biological innate? >> some people feel these approaches are extreme because they are uncomfortable with them. it shakes their world view. >> yeah, it shakes mine because i think it's mostly wrong. next, the woman who says more moms should be as tough as my mom was. and for that people say things like -- >> sh when heartburn hits fight back fast tums smoothies starts dissolving

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a few years ago, a mom wrote

a parenting book that freaked out a lot of people. they were upset about the woman who called herself tiger mom. >> her strict parenting methods are causing a controversy. >> because of her strict rule. >> your daughters were not allowed to attend a sleep over, have a play date, be in a school date, complain about not being in the play. watch tv or play computer games. >> right. >> this seems mean. >> i don't think so at all. i think the message is, you know, i believe in you. you are capable of so much more than you realize. and if you stop whining and don't give up and don't make excuses you can do anything you want in your life. >> to teach her daughters that she forced them to practice violin and piano for hours. >> kids have to practice two, three, four, five hours a day. and i think for a lot of normal

american parents that's inconceivable. >> her kids excel. here they are at ages 11 and 14 performing at grown-up concert. one daughter excelled in tennis and at cool the other made valedictorian. but the tiger mom's book got a lot of criticism. she doesn't let kids make their own decisions. >> a manual for parents who want to weed out any genuine interest or passion for life. >> you give the child a clarinet and jazz pops out or you give a child a piece of paper and string theory will come out. but before you can invent the theory of relativity. you is to multiply. >> where is childhood. >> we want our children to be happy but it's not the secret of happiness to do whatever they

want. >> you called your daughter garbage once. >> i mentioned this at a dinner party and several people walked out. >> you are destroying your child's spirit. >> to me, the message is i think you are better than that and should hold yourself to a higher standard. and parents these days are so terrified of making their children feel bad. >> yes, maybe for good reason. everyone knows asians are more likely to commit suicide. except what everyone knows is wrong. >> asian americans have among the lowest suicide rates of any group. >> it's true. the asian suicide rate is half that of the general population. maybe tiger moms are better at instilling self esteem. >> you can tell your child you're amazing all you want but it does not inspire true self confidence. >> asian parents are more likely to be tiger moms and that's why asian americans have better

grades and have higher incomes. amy and her husband argue any parent can do it but certain immigrant groups, jews, cubans, nigeriians and others are more likely to instill values in kids that lead to success. >> tiger mom is back with a theory about racial superiority. >> she is the worst person ever born. >> it's not race and genetic. we say the opposite. if you look at america, the most successful group include all races. >> please welcome -- >> nigerian americans are amazing examples. less than 1% of america's black population, they made up of a quarter of harvard business school's black students. it's something about culture and how they are raised.

>> you know the secret of success. >> the first is a sense of exceptionality. the second element which is a dash of insecurity. i am not quite good enough yet. i shouldn't sit back. >> it's contradictory. >> steve jobs had a superior complex but all his friends also described him as deeply insecure. i think that's what creates this chip on the shoulder, this goading feeling like i need to show everybody and prove myself. the third element is impulse control. >> can your child sit still and concentrate on things that won't bring rewards for years? >> chinese immigrant parents force their preschool children to do one hour a day on a focused activity, reading, drawing, something with no distractions. one hour a day compared to six minutes a day for americans on

average. >> but does this obedient sitting and drilling kill the creativity that leads to innovation, the american tech entrepreneurs, many are college dropouts, not studious kids raised by tiger moms. >> i look at the innovation in america, facebook and google. these are not kids drilled or raised by tiger moms. you are programming the kids. >> you know, actually if you look at silicon valley, a hugely disproportionate percentage of the innovators and startup founders are immigrants and immigrant children. >> the co-founder of google, youtube and yahoo. >> it's the parents' job to give them the tools and the ability to focus on something so when they can find their passion they can do something with it. >> you had nasty fights with the girls.

>> incredibly nasty especially with my younger daughter. she refused to do it and was stomping off and i said get back to the piano and i said maybe she just can't do it. and i said you just don't believe in her. i'm going to do this. we drilled and we drilled and it wasn't that pleasant. but then suddenly after an hour and a half her two hands came together. she realized it at the same time i did and after that, he refused to leave the piano. and years afterwards she told me i remember that moment. and i think that's a life lesson that lasts forever. i think that's how you instill real confidence. >> your daughters like you? >> i think they love me. >> they say thanks i'm

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what's the biggest predictor of success in life? brains, rich parents, good looks? none of those say the experts. the biggest predictor is can you delay gratification. >> marshmallow for you, you can wait and get another one if you wait. or you can eat now. >> it smells yummy.

really good. >> can he stand to wait to eat it? this is an experiment that's been tried in many forms with many kids. but the idea is always the same. test whether a child will eat the candy now or get twice as much if he can wait 15 minutes. as you see here, most kids can not wait. only about a third were able to delay. often distracting themselves by looking away. but about a third were able to wait 15 minutes. >> how did you do? >> and earn the extra candy. >> you want to eat it. but i told you i would give you another one. >> the first group of kids who took this test 40 years ago were followed and tested years later. the kids who didn't eat marshmallows had s.a.t. scores 200 points higher. the kids who delayed gratification at this age do

much better later in life. not just in school but they make more money and are happier and have better relationships and less likely to get in trouble. but the kids

susan merrill runs the parenting website ima. >> when you want something, you save up for it. >> you want to buy something, it's yours. >> seeing money in the jars reminded them to wait. >> it's really good to see that money grow. they get into it, how much have you saved, i've saved this mo y money. >> it doesn't need to be money. >> prizes, praise. >> when her kids wanted it, they could have it but only after doing something that was hard for them. >> megan wanted a doll. megan, three days staying dry and boom, you could have. >> she could look at the doll -- >> but she couldn't have it.

>> what if the child demands a doll now. it's important to not give in to a tantrum. this commercial shows it. this kid wants a bag of chips now. instead of giving in, mom int t imitates him. >> she looks at him, no. >> what's the moral. >> you really can work with your kids. i think sometimes parents are too busy to be consistent or they are too fearful that their child will not like them. >> also. >> lead by example. see how they behave. you have to teach a child to save for a rainy day. kids have to see you do whatever you want them to do. >> finally, kids will only learn

to wait if they see that delaying gratification leads to something good. do what they say. if parents don't keep promises, kids are less likely to wait for a reward. >> in this research of the marshmallow test. >> researchers broke their promise. >> listen i'm so sorry but i don't have that big set of art surprise that i told you about. >> once the promise was broken, kids were much more likely to eat the mallows. his trust in the adult message, if you delay gratification, you'll get something better, was broken. >> if the parent is not consistent, then the child will not trust that they will get what is promised. we do this as moms all the time. mom will you come play with me. in a minute. we're teaching our children that

we don't always mean what they say. >> the bottom line, tell kids the truth, teach them the benefits of waiting when they are young. and reward them when they do wait. coming up, if you are tough we were born 100 years ago into a new american century. born with a hunger to fly and a passion to build something better. and what an amazing time it's been, decade after decade of innovation, inspiration and wonder. so, we say thank you america for a century of trust, for the privilege of flying higher and higher, together. ♪ wenit gave me a leafput in the names almost right away. first. within a few days, i went from knowing almost nothing to holy crow, i'm related to george washington. i didn't know that using ancestry would be so easy.

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stand up for your health. i'm in charge of it all. business expenses, so i've been snapping photos of my receipts and keeping track of them in quickbooks. now i'm on top of my expenses, and my bees. best 68,000 employees ever. that's how we own it. if you push your kids won't they hate you? i bet the tigers mom's children

won't tiger mom their kids, i will totally tiger mom my kids. >> her younger sister was a little bit less enthusiastic. being pulled out to practice hours a day but looking back, i couldn't be happier. she just began her freshman year at harvard. her older sister goes here too. >> i love being raised by my mom. sophia plans to join the military. she already meets the army's basic standards but she wants to get the to have score so she works out often. >> as a girl it's important to not just meet the standard but to kind of exceed it. >> kids raised by regular parents she says, don't have the drive. >> going to college was just seeing how many amazing brilliant people would encounter an obstacle and be like, you know, i can't do this. i can't do this is genuinely a

feeling that i've never had. i have what it takes to do absolutely anything. >> most of us hope our kids have that feeling. some of it exists in human nature if we adults don't crush it. as these commercials exist, maybe they want to test themselves. if they fall, they try and try again. many parents want to protect them from falling. protection has a downside. >> when you create an environment free of risk what you're doing is leaving your child vulnerable. >> because being able to fall and recover is useful in life. >> i work with young people today and when they hit conflict, they have a melt down. >> because they've been protected as a baby? >> yes. if you fire someone who's 22 today it's not unusual for them to trash the place screaming and then have their parents call. they've been pampered their

whole lives an the sad reality is you get slapped in the face all the time. you got to get tough. >> not tooabout it. >> the walls of wall street down late loaded john: the wolf of wall street was downloaded illegally more than any other movie. and the idea is to encourage the proliferation of new ideas. even drug dealers have expanded the situation. and if it doesn't change the name, the lawyers may come. >> i am an intellectual property attorney and you have stolen my