will act differently. >> dr. pry, we thanks for being with us, it is alarming what you had to say, thank you for sharing, and come back soon as we discuss it further. thank you so thanks for being with us tonight. join us tomorrow, good night from new york. >> tonight house republicans are celebrating their senate counterparts are rejiggering and former president obama is reminiscing. judge andrew napolitano hopped on the health care carousel and hillary clinton still unable to get over election loss taking swipes at the media and seattle's mayor wants to tax diet soda because he says it tackles white privilege. good lord, grab a straw! time to sip freedom juice. president obama was busy gum flapping, bravely accepted a profiles in courage award for destroying the american health care system with, obamacare and legacy at a critical impasse, mr. obama found time to beg republican lawmakers to salvage

what's left of his tarnished brand. >> i hope they understand courage means not simply doing what is politically expedient but doing what they believe deep in their hearts is right. >> and he says that means saving obamacare. torturing poor people with rising premiums and tanking system designed to fail, is somehow right and courageous? the president went on with his heroic lecture. >> it actually doesn't take a lot of courage to aid those who are already powerful, already comfortable, already influential, but it does require some courage to champion the vulnerable and the sick and the infirm. >> he's basically saying he's a total coward because he aided powerful comfortable hillary and let vulnerable bernie wither like a dying nectarine

on a distant branch. sad. health care is a magnet for dilution and blame, listen to the awkward explanation for o-care's failure from bumbling architect jonathan gruber. >> you're going to blame the problems with obamacare on president trump? >> insurers were saying positive things about ability to stay in the exchange to succeed, then you have a president who comes in, undercuts open enrollment, doesn't honor the obligations this law makes to insurers. >> all right. >> this law is dishonorable and insurers were running for the exits in late october because the aca was failing and they panicked. that's why donald trump is president. if mr. obama were smart, he'd stop digging up the corpse of his presidency trying to reanimate it after a fresh burial. barack let it become political mulch and stop the morbid ritual to make sure people still louf.

this is why narcissists shouldn't be president. sadly, they're the ones who want the job. glad to haveou back. i'm kennedy. so president obama desperately trying to save his signature achievement as president, but is the republican replacement to obamacare anywhere improvement at all? let me talk to fox news senior judicial analyst judge andrew napolitano. welcome back, judge. >> nice to be with you. i might be the skunk at the republican garden party, but i would have voted against this proposal for a couple of reasons. it assumes the premise of obamacare. there are four premises of obamacare, the first is that somehow the federal government can regulate the delivery of health care. >> yeah. >> the second is the federal

government is obliged to provide for health care. the third is that the federal government can order you to purchase insurance for health care, and the fourth is this is the orwellian one, that paul ryan's people didn't lay a glove on. all physicians must keep all of their records digitally and laptops have direct access to them by bureaucrats in the department of health and human services. >> anyone can look at your health records. >> did the republican legislation that the president and his colleagues and friends celebrated on thursday or friday of last week change any of those four things? it reinforced them, and the essence of the law. >> and also that the federal government can compel to you pay for someone else's health care regardless of whether or not they've tanked their own vessel. >> here's how the individual mandate works at the present time under the affordable care act, obamacare. if you work 40 hours a week, and if you work for somebody

that has 50 or more employees, that employer has to provide health care for you. under the new system, you have to apply it, have to provide health care for yourself. under obamacare, if you don't have health care because your employer doesn't provide it or your in the category where employer doesn't have to provide it, you get charged for it by the irs and they buy a policy for you. under the ryan proposal, if you don't have health care, once you do get it, your insurance carrier can bill you $3,000 a year-over-and above the premiums for each year you didn't have it. i'm not so sure that's an improvement at all. it's transfering -- >> subsidy for insurance companies. >> correct, transferring money from the irs to the big insurance companies! it's compensating them because you, a young healthy person in my hypothetical, chose not to have health insurance at a time you probably don't need it. a choice a free person ought to

be able to make. >> and that compulsion by the federal government only complicates the system that is so difficult even for the most ardent policy wonks to understand let alone explain. >> whenever the government tries to regulate the free market it becomes difficult to understand, difficult to explain and more expensive to operate. if these federal governments stayed out and allowed the states to regulate and if you like the regulation in texas, go to texas, you prefer the regulation in new jersey, you can move to new jersey, as ronald reagan used to say, you can vote with your feet. but the one size fits all that the federal government is imposing on us with subsidies and tax credits and people paying for other people's insurance and the individual mandate in a different form, it is unrecognizable by those who wrote the constitution. >> absolutely, and you make a really good point which is some of these provisions have been renamed, but they're just as toxic and do the exact same thing, that means they're going

to jack up premiums and deductibles and that's going hurt middle and lower income earners. >> i think mrs. pelosi has a point, when she says the republicans are stuck with this and this is going to cause a lot of harm politically. it doesn't serve those of us who believe in small government and the federal government should have nothing to do with health care, and doesn't serve the blue collar and middle class constituency that wants cheaper health care. the federal government can't produce cheaper health care unless it takes money from somebody and gives it to those to subsidize the acquisition of the health care, meaning they're taking it from a and give it to b, the constitution simply doesn't authorize that. >> absolutely right, judge, if people are upset with common core and the one size fits all mentality. they should be very egreged. always a pleasure. >> the white house expects the senate to make changes to the gop health care bill but to keep the core principle intact. should get in touch with the

senate then, republican senators including maine's susan collins have something different in mind. >> the senate is starting from scratch, we're going to draft our own bill, and i'm convinced that we're going to take the time to do it right. we'll come up with a whole new fresh approach that solves the legitimate laws that do exist with the aca. >> so much cutting to do. get out of there. the senate will spend much of it time how the bill approaches medicaid expansions, gop leadership will have to figure out how to bring moderates and the conservative senators together as the republicans can only afford to lose two votes in the senate and two republican senators have already said they do not support the house plan. well, let me bring in my healthy party panel, tonight, former miss america and host of the pot cast kirsten haglund joined by comedian jude veto

and democratic strategist jim green, welcome, everybody. a lot to poke and stick with the scalpel. jammu, i start with you, all the house did was admit they haven't been doing much the last seven years and kicked the can to the senate. the senate says they're going to take this apart. how does this go? >> shocker, shocker, they didn't read the bill, didn't have it scored. don't understand what the impact is going to be. >> the senate says they'll wait for underscoring until final wording? >> i am optimistic about this, i think yes, they will be held accountable and that's good for democrats in 2018. more importantly, this is such a disaster, it's going move us towards a public option or sing payer health care, which is what i support, and fantastic, congratulations. >> that's the ultimate point, the point of obamacare's failure, designed to fail to move it to a single-pair system.

for a lot of democrats, yeah, that's fantastic, exactly what we want, hello, sweden, ff those of us in the united states of america, we want freedom and want this to move to a free market system, this will happen, joe devito. >> no. >> we're in a hand cart to hell, aren't we? . >> they're going to turn american health care to bigger version of the va where one size fits nobody and it's a ponzi scheme. this is a problem when you put government between people and health care options. no one in health care said is there a bureaucrat in the house? no want to go directly to the doctors, you have to completely take it apart, it's not going to work piece by piece. >> it's going to go single-payer system which bifurcates the system, rich people will go to private doctors like they do in canada when they can't get on certain lists for health care procedures. >> you know what's interesting about the last eight years, the

american mind-set has changed where they do want to get health insurance, which is why so many conservative pundits are saying we're probably going to go to single payer in the future if this doesn't work. and the senate has a lot on its plate because there's a lot of vulnerable senators in 2018 who accepted the medicaid expansion of the affordable care act and can't go to constituents and say we're taking away medicaid. it's hugely complicated. it's important to mention this bill and the affordable care act didn't do anything to address actual health care costs, not health insurance but health care costs. talking about tranparency, prohibiting hospital consolidation, all the things that will bring down the cost so insurers or regular people don't have to pay more for premiums. until you tackle that, premiums go up. >> again the free market fresh off victory on health care, house republicans are shifting focus to tax reform. it's bound to be another grueling process, this time arouepubcans say they'll

be getting input from all factions within the party. here's white house national economic council chairman gary cohn on "varney & co.". here's stuart. >> starting down the path of taxes and unlike health care, we are out talking to all the groups that are going to be interested in our tax plan. by the time we get a bill drafted, we're going to know everyone's issues and we think it's substantially easier to get it through congress. >> going to be so easy. will the gop be on the same page when they finally come up with a bill? all right, so jehmu, here's one thing republicans and democrats agree on. they love spending money! whether it's on entitlements or the military, tomahawk missiles or medicare, they love jamming a big full budget, but the problem is tax cuts are great but you have to cut spending and no one is willing to do that. >> look, the health care bill we just talked about did not

affect health policies, this was initial part of the tax reform by giving a 20% cut or significant cuts to the 20% wealthiest people in this country. they've taken a very big step towards tax reform. they are taking away $880 billion in medicaid funding and giving a $600 billion tax cut to the wealthiest americans? that's the first step. this is all going to be held accountable in 2018. >> i like the tax cut for the less wealthy americans, particularly small business owners who will finally see the corporate tax rate come down, because that is so punitive. that's what forces people to manufacture and buy goods outside the country. >> that i can agree with. >> okay, joe? >> i think so, anything that's going to help small businesses is great. in america, small business person, they need start-up money, the desire to work hard and dream. and the government shouldn't be forcing their way into that. when the government gets

involved it happens, it's extortion with overregulation and taxing, you try to build a business, they say nice little company you got here, be a shame if something happened to it. >> the cost of compliance, barriers to entry, all things that keep people not only from entering the market and starting businesses but why so many businesses fold in the country. >> and can't employ people. >> two things i agree with, with this administration, cut regulation, cut taxes, the rest of it you can't ignore. >> the 15% rate for corporate is going to make us more competitive on the world stage. to jehmu's point, he hasn't -- no one has released the actual brackets for the seven rates down to three. we don't know what that's going to look like. donald trump campaigned on not reforming entitlement. social security, medicaid, which the house bill would do. he's going to have to walk the balance beam there on trying to please his constituents and

give corporations what they want and need. >> kirsten, they should put you in charge. ask and bypass the election, high-five you. that's a much better plan and thank goodness the party panel is returning a little later. yes! first up, former acting attorney general sally yates testified on michael flynn's ties to russia on capitol hi today. will the hearings change anything or is this another case of the mondays. and senator graham at fidelity, trades are now just $4.95. we cut the price of trades to give investors even more value. and at $4.95, you can trade with a clear advantage. fidelity, where smarter investors will always be.

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you wouldn't pick a slow race car. then why settle for slow internet? comcast business. built for speed. built for business. . kennedy: former acting attorney general sally yates was on capitol hill today to testify in front of the senate judiciary subcommittee on russia's meddling in last year's election. she confirmed about her meeting with white house counsel about michael flynn. >> for the reasons i described, we felt it was critical to get the information to the white house because in part because the vice president was unknowingly making false statements to the public, and because we believe that general flynn was compromised with respect to the russians. kennedy: have the lambs stopped screaming, clarisse. the president fired flynn in february after the retired

lieutenant general misled mike pence about a conversation he had with a russian official. though president trump told white house staff to stop being critical of flynn, according to a report from axios. let me bring in the host of buck sexton american now, the wonderful former cia officer and capitol hillian, welcome back, buck. >> great to be here. kennedy: what the hell went on, on capitol hill. >> not a lot. kennedy: what are they looking for? why is she trotted snout. >> it's a great opportunity to audition for attorney general in the next democrat administration, whenever that is because she's established herself as a partisan player because of refusal to enforce trump's travel ban. if you are in the attorney general's office, the president says, but i dig res, in terms of what happened today, people get different things from it. the participants as well as those watching.

you have senators who get to get their questions on the record that won't be answered. i mean i've thought this would be fun to be in the yates or clapper position where every time you get a question you don't like, you go it's classified. just pull out the let's classified. kennedy: when isn't classified information really classified? . >> when isn't it classified? . kennedy: yeah. >> i think in this case, they're going to refuse to do the obvious move here, not them, but the administration should declassify a lot of what's relevant to the specific discussions, they could do, that redact it so protect sources and methods, but one interesting exchange where you had yates and clapper and lindsey graham saying okay, was there collusion, they won't give an answer because it's classified. collusion is a conclusion, it's about the analytic judgment you come to, it's not necessary to reveal sources and methods here but fell back on that. why not say yes, we believe there was collusion.

kennedy: i can't tell you why, i can't tell you the explicit facts but, yes. >> i don't believe that you can say -- kennedy: do you believe there was collusion here? >> no, i don't believe there was collusion that would be insane, such a bad way to throw an election. putting aside whether trump is patriotic to be willing to engage in that activity with russia, which i don't, but even beyond, that it's not an effective way to throw an election. this is not something they think would have been -- nobody would be willing to take the risk based on the possible positive outcome of this collusion. kennedy: is the point of this hearing to prove once and for all that there was no intense and concentrated russian meddling that affected the outcome of the election? or is the point to prove that russia really screwed everything for hillary clinton? >> the point is to have a week or two now where we get to run

sound bites and more stories from news outlets that like the narrative. let's be clear, a lot of democrats get very excited when they can hear over and over that they like the point to be peed. they like the reiteration, that this is not an authentic president. this is a presidency that was stolen and that's what this is really about. kennedy: reinforcement of that. even with those people, even if there is a conclusion that is reached that says we can tell you without a doubt that russia didn't have any effective or noticeable part in throwing the election one way or the other. will they accept that conclusion? >> i don't believe they will at all. they'll suggest that the investigation was tainted or was not thorough enough or trump has been hiding evidence. they'll never give up the notion that donald trump is an illegitimate president which is what today was about. by the way, they did ask them

if there was investigation into leaks that have been published allegedly published in newspapers because they won't confirm nor deny whether they were leaks or not. clapper and yates were saying we don't know anything about an investigation. that would be felony criminal activity. there is no investigation into that, but all of the r or not teousness and the there their was a discussion between pence and flynn, if that's true, why would flynn betray his country because he lied under oath without jeopardy to mike pence. maybe flynn is like i got to step down and go on the $50,000 a day lecture circuit. it's so overblown, too. it is confusing. kennedy: i'm going play it tonight in your honor, buck sexton, thanks you. >> thanks you. it was feisty today. kennedy: loved every moment of it. coming up, hillary clinton couldn't help but taking a swipe about the media.

kim carney joins me to discuss her desperate attempt to stay relevant. and how much money was spent on hillary clinton's failed 2016 presidential campaign? the answer after the break. my business was built with passion... but i keep it growing by making every dollar count. that's why i have the spark cash card from capital one. with it, i earn unlimited 2% cash back on all of my purchasing. and that unlimed 2% sh back from spark means thousands of dollars each year going back into my business... which adds fuel to my bottom line. what's in your wallet?

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. kennedy: hi. welcome back, before the break, i asked you how much money was spent on hillary clinton's failed 2016 presidential bid? the answer is 1.4 billion, and that's not counting her bar tab on election night. woo! some are speculating that hillary could be gearing up to make another run for the rose garden after she resurfaced last week and tweeted this response to yesterday's french election. victory for macron for france, the eu and the world. defeat to those interfering with democracy. but the media says that i can't talk about that. even when she congratulates a new head of state manages to make it all about her, and so annoying. joining me to discuss this disorder, it's a man who would never make it all about him. he's so humble. waington examir commentary

editor, tim carney. welcome back, tim. >>hank you, aren't you glad we didn't get a president who does petty complaints on twitter. wouldn't be that so embarassing. kennedy: it's amazing, i'm moving to france because he just makes so much sense. i read that you quote and says the media says i can't talk about that. what is she talking about? >> i think she's talking about the fact she got blowback when in her public appearances in recent weeks she went ahead and blamed misogyny, she blamed fbi director james comey. she blamed the russians. she blamed everybody for her loss except for herself and a lot of her surrogates are blaming bernie sanders supporters for not getting behind her. kennedy: why would they? how are they obligated to support a bad candidate? >> it's a reasoning, you and i are used to that accusation, but what you've got here is people, some in the media who even though they're left

leaning get tired of clinton complaints and said how about you blame yourself, you acknowledge where you went wrong? i think when she hears, that she says i'm not allowed to complain about the other factors. what do grown-ups do? if 20 factors contributed to loss or fail, and you are 18 beyond your control. you focus on the two that were within your control for going on. she thinks that none of the reasons she lost were within her control. kennedy: if she runs for president again, that's exactly what she'll have to do. she will have to take stock, not in the outside influences but the ones from within that really dooms her and it was jen psaki who used to be a spokesperson for the state department, she said that the bad perception of her was baked into the cake for about ten years, this is an obama operative, parroting a talking

point hillary has got to knock it off. people in the former administration are sick of her nonapology to her? >> that's right. because of some hillary people blame it on obama, but everybody is getting sick of it. the comparison to macron in france, you should say, well, he was able to do what you couldn't do, so maybe look at what he did differently. one fa of it is that there's not this record of him trying to he things. not this record of him trying to enrich himself through the public trust. some of it, you can put it on what she did in the campaign, but if i were somebody who felt disappointed in hillary clinton, i would mostly be upset what she did before the campaign. all these extracurricular activities where she and bill were enriching themselves, hiding freedom of information laws, those are the real mistakes they think costs her more and maybe she can blame other people for a campaign mistake. kennedy: she can, you are absolutely right. she has to look at emmanuel

macron and see what he did right, he dated -- he married his high school drama teacher and hillary would have done that but high school drama teacher was euripides, who passed some time ago. tim carney, thank you so much. >> thank you. kennedy: good to see you. is diet soda a symbol of white privilege? the mayor of seattle altered soda tax to include diet drinks because affluent whites tend to consume them more. he proposed a tax on sugary beverages as funding minority education and so now they're doing the one thing progressives always do when they get in a pickle. they blame white people. there's so much that's going on here racially jehmu. is this really the answer? because all these taxes whether it's the gas tax or tax on cigarettes or the ultimate nannyism the government taxing

trans fats and sugar, they always target poor people. is this a solution? >> i don't think it's a solution, i think the bigger problem here is that we consume five times the amount sugar that we're supposed to on a daily basis. kennedy: it's so good. >> and taxing it is not the solution, and i do think that his pivot here to diet sodas is a little pathetic but can we get to the roost the problem? we don't have gardens in all of our backyards, we can't make our own foods. kennedy: they put gardens in the medians between the sidewalk and the street show i'm growing my own pumpkin and composting. want to see my worms? >> the reason the health care system was bankrupt. kennedy: and agave. no more agave at schools! this is the ultimate nannyism, isn't it? >> always showing off your worms. lecture on white privilege from the mayor of seattle? give me a break. that is white privilege being

the mayor of seattle. started out against sugar and people say leave the sweet drinks alone, they were like, oh, it's a campaign against sugar free beverages. you live in seattle, get amazon prime, have them mail it to you around the corner and you don't pay for tax. kennedy: you don't have to pay for delivery if you get enough. this doesn't disincentivize the behavior they're going after in the first place. >> a lot of people if they are soda drinkers, they switch to diet sodas, you make it harder for people who maybe have a chronic health issue, trying to lose weight, put a burden on the system, they switch to diet and now it's more expensive. it doesn't solve the education system because they're not going to raise enough money to -- doesn't solve white privilege, that is extremely complicated conversation and doesn't solve obesity. kennedy: they need to get rid of cars and buses so people run

to school and walk everywhere else. jehmu, joe, kirsten, thank you so much. jehmu welcome back. >> thank you. kennedy: great to have you backs a fox contributor. regardless whether president trump gets border wall or not, there will be demand for immigrants to work in low skilled seasonal jobs. a couple of republicans on the hill have come up with immigration worker plan that seems to make a lot of sense. we will explain after the break. stay here.

. kennedy: welcome back, the gop could be shaking up immigration reform, but not in the way you might think. senators ron johnson from wisconsin and senator john mccain, they introduced a state-sponsored visa pilot program of 2017, the bill would allow individual states to act on behalf of migrant workers. each state would be granted 5,000 visas. the federal government would only be involved and the background and health check of migrant workers. the plan is successful to the canadian program administered 20 years ago, can it work here? bring on somebody writing about this for month, researching it for years. a senior analyst at reason foundation, welcome back. >> thanks for having me, kennedy. >> i think this is an interesting idea, we are at an impasse on immigration. is there a way of lauding a

little more power to individual states, so they could decide a better implementation of immigration policy particularly with visas. >> yes, i think that absolutely is kennedy. look, the root we are in right now with building border wall and, you know, with mexico, which will essentially militarize in my view the border if it's going to work at calls, and creating a police state at he where we are trying to deport people, and none of that deals with the root cause of the major issue that has stymied immigration reform which is the undocumented population. reason we have the large population is because we don't have legal guest worker programs for them. so essentially what the bill will do is it will give states 5,000 visas per state to hire whoever they want for whatever reason they want. they can be high-skilled workers or low-skilled workers.

kennedy: this is interesting distinction because we hear a lot about the h1-b visas, but don't hear about fixing the immigration policy in regards to migrant workers, and they have, as you pointed out, been tethered to their employers and not the various states. so would this be essentially treating low skilled workers as you point out the same as high skilled workers and what problem does that solve? >> exactly right, kennedy, so right now for high-skilled workers have you h1-b visas. this is very inadequate because we have an 85,000 annual cap for the visas and runs out within weeks after it opened up. but at least there is some avenue for high-skilled workers to come and legally work in this country. but for low skilled workers, the options are really bad. for agricultural workers, the visa process is so onerous it's practically useless and for seasonal low skilled workers,

there is a very low cap, and it just doesn't work. and what this program will do is it will start in a very modest fashion and say hey, each state, hire whoever you want, you want low skilled? eliminate the discrimination you see in the current immigration system, where states like wisconsin, where senator johnson is from, he has a huge dairy industry, and they need people in the industry, the industry is suffering, agricultural industry suffers, texas, which is an extremely conservative state, the hospitality industry is suffering because they can't findnough janitors to work in hote or what have you. this program will allow the states to meet their needs like california can meet its needs by hiring h1-b. kennedy: and education and everything else a one size fits all policy is rarely the right prescription. we'll see if the legislation makes it through.

we're out of time. i'm so glad to read your article and hear about the interesting issue, it's a very, very interesting take on immigration. thank you so much. >> thank you for having me. kennedy: coming up, what do you do when one of the most famous tv shows of all-time steals one of your jokes? i'll tell you how we handled it. so tell us your big idea for getting the whole country booking on choice hotels.com. four words, badda book. badda boom... let it sink in. shouldn't we say we have the lowest price? nope, badda book. badda boom. have you ever stayed with choice hotels? like at a comfort inn? yep. free waffles, can't go wrong. i like it. promote that guy. get the lowest price on our rooms, guaranteed. when you book direct at choicehotels.com. book now.

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. kennedy: do you know if you bet $1 on the superfecta, the first four in a row in the kentucky derby, you can win $75,000. that is for real. a $10 bet would have made $750,000, and i didn't have it, that's why i'm back in this friggin hell hole. hello! we're back on the air! that's fun. and this is the "topical storm". topic number one -- no, i did not win the kentucky derby, but i don't really need the money because it turns out i'm about to get a job writing for "saturday night live"! several viewers contacted us over the weekend saying that "snl"'s weekend update stole a joke i did this past thursday. now, i don't want to accuse anybody of anything, so i will let you be the judge. here's the joke i told on

thursday's "topical storm." >> and when they finally got her out of the car, she told them her name was hillary clinton. the cops knew that wasn't true because if they learned anything from the election at all, is that hillary clinton never visited pennsylvania. >> all right, and here's the weekend update version that was told a full 48 hours after my show aired. >> a woman arrested for drunk driving in pennsylvania falsely told police her name was hillary clinton. [laughter] police knew it wasn't her because hillary clinton would never go to pennsylvania. kennedy: now i'll admit my first instinct was to give them the benefit of the doubt because there is such a thing as parallel thought and refreshing to see them do a joke that wasn't about donald trump. but then it dawned on me that there is no way in hell they wrote that joke because it was actually kind of funny. i mean was it the best joke you've seen on the show?

of course not. but for "snl," that joke is a kfc masterpiece. look, guys, i'm not happy you stole a joke, but i'm going call off the dogs on, this because when you go low, we go high. hallelujah. topic number two -- speaking of people who can't get over the election, a colorado high school teacher has been placed on paid leave for making students smash a donald trump pinata on cinco de mayo. look at that. these are spanish students at roosevelt high school in johnstown, colorado, i want to get the name right because this is a very proud moment for them, and their video has people calling shenanigans from both sides of the aisle. republicans are mad because it's a show of partisanship from our education system, and liberals are furious because in the bottom feeding world of idty politics, smashing a

pinata constitutes cultural appropriation. never mind that liberals aren't sure which gender pronoun to use for a trump pinata. but perhaps the people upset the most are colorado state officials who are worried because when you smash a pinata and send candy flying everywhere, it can cause a riot with all the stoners walking around. gummy bears! hungry. i'll be the first to admit, that joke wasn't funny, but it's going to kill on "saturday night live" this weekend! woo! there we are. such pale arms. thanks sunscreen. topic number three -- this isn't normally a part of the show where we discuss national security issues but sometime there's an item of such dire consequence that we have no choice but to work it in like oil during hot massage. we have just learned that the ukrainian government banned steven seagal from entering their country.

the ukrainian secret service released a memo they typed on their commodore 64 saying siegel is blacklisted because of relationship with vladimir putin, that makes him a national security threat. if that's not bad enough, the two have been bonding for years over love of mixed martial arts and shared macho image. here they are sharing a unicorn frappuccino. who could forget the time they flew to spring break together on united. somebody needs to call peta because we've been beating a dead horse on that united joke for about three weeks now. topic number four -- police in springfield, illinois are looking for a woman who drove a minivan into mcdonald's and fled the scene on foot. such a brisk runner. she instructed her gps to take

the shortest route to heart attackville, it's a miracle everyone was okay, at time of the crash, three people were eating a fillet-o-fish. people are offering a reward, payable in dollar value mcnuggets, topic number five -- when we last saw nicki minaj, it was due to losing a rap battle. she offered it pay the student loans of any fan who could prove, it they have to accept the money in singles or dollar mcnugget coupons. after receiving dozens of replace, the queen rapper committed to pay off the debts of 21 students and awarded with avalanche award, some people dedicate their whole lives to whining about student debt,

bernie sanders, so much student debt, rather than giving a bunch of empty speeches and buying a beach house with hillary's money, she put her money where her mouth is. bravo, hopefully this works out twofold for and you one of the kids who receive the next brazilian butt injections. nicky's butt is real, like pro wrestling. what was maxine waters doing at the mtv movie and television radio awards beside television radio awards beside getting a standing ovation from vikings didn't actually have horns on their helmets. television radio awards beside getting a standing ovation from ostriches don't really stick their heads in the sand. a peanut is not a nut. and a real john deere... is actually real affordable. you learn something new every day.

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i realize that ah, that $100k is notwell, a 103fortune. yeah, 103. well, let me ask you guys. how long did it take you two to save that? a long time. then it's a fortune. well, i'm sure you talk to people all the time who think $100k is just pocket change. right now we're just talking to you. i told you we had a fortune. yes, you did. getting closer to your investment goals starts with a conversation. schedule a complimentary goal planning session today.

. kennedy: let's take a shot. my beloved former mother ship lost its mind, mtv movie and tv awards went off without the embarrassingly leftist anti-freedom indoctrination campaign called the best fight against the system, man award. who really fought against the system of cronyism and establishment parties last year? whether you love them or hate them, it was bernie sanders and donald trump. the winner was far less significant than the presenter, who happened to be the mentally unstable and delusional gadfly

congresswoman maxine waters we have to use gender identifying title for ms. waters. there were no categories for best actor or actress, should have been called best [ bleep ]. mtv's goal was to eliminate sexism from awarding overcrowded field but one winner, winners be damned. hosted by actors in an entire pen and will force every other awards show to follow suit, which will cause the left to combust because they'll be torn by their own desire for self-congratulation with pc capitulation, hey, if it makes the intolerable shows shorter. i'm all for it. thank you so much for watching this show. you can follow me on twitter and instagram, on facebook and e-mail at --

tomorrow night on the show, dr. ron paul, kat timpf and jonathan hoenig. i just heard a nerd gathering. see you tomorrow night. good-bye. (narrator) imagine, wiping away the appearance of crepey skin. on your arms... (female narrator) on your legs... (male narrator) and even your neck. (female narrator) what would your reaction be? -can i look now? -yes. are you serious? oh my goodness! (female narrator) and now a paid presentation for crepe erase. (male narrator) a breakthrough targeted body treatment brought to you by trusted guthy renker. (female narrator) and featuring emmy award winning actress jane seymour. (male narrator) beloved little house on the prairie actress figure skating legend, dorothy hamill.ert.rrator) (male narrator) and 12-time olympic medalist dara torres. plus, everyday women whose lives and skin