give it. so join me in helping them. remember their hashtag. you can find them on instagram and on twitter, and we're going to have more tomorrow night. kennedy: the plot thickens in virginia where the state's top three democrats are still mired in scandal as pressure grows for governor ralph ralph northam and attorney general mark herring to step down over black face controversies. justin fairfax continues to deny more serious sexual assault allegations, and according to new reports, the accuser, vanessa tyson, told virginia congressman bobby scott about the allegation more than a year ago. scott didn't learn about the full scope of the accusation until she spoke out this week. in a statement today, scott said, quote: allegations of sexual assault need to be taken

seriously. i have known professor tyson for approximately a decade, and she is a friend. she deserves the opportunity to have her story heard. fairfax main feigns that -- maintains that his encounter with tyson was with consensual, and today nancy pelosi says she doesn't think the scandals will damage the democrats' national brand. watch. >> virginians will resolve their issues that they have there. it's sad because it's a very talented leaders there, but they have to have the confidence of the electorate, and they have to have the confidence of the legislature that they have to work with. but i'll leave that up to them. i have enough to do here without getting involved in theirs, of virginia. kennedy: president trump also weighing in today tweeting: democrats at the top are killing the great state of virginia. if three failing pols were republicans, far stronger action would be taken.

will democrats get through this unscathed, or will the controversy carry on to the national election and cost them in the long run? joining me now, radio host buck sexton, and former adviser to hillary clinton's campaign, antwan seawright, welcome, gentlemen. antjuan, you are a democratic operative, looking at this, obviously, the story isn't going away, and the allegations against lieutenant governor are sort of crystallizing as particularly women in the democrat party are more interested in hearing her story than they were at the beginning of the week. how would you frame this? >> you know, i'll be very consistent, as i was during the kavanaugh process. i think that we need to let this process play itself out. i think the young lady needs to be heard. i think these are serious allegations, and at the end of the day, i just think what needs to happen is what the process will allow to happen. i was not one of the ones who

went out on a limb and attacked judge kavanaugh during his hearings for the allegation. i was more on the side of let's look at some positions he's taken in the past on some rulings. and so i'm going to be very consistent saying that she needs to be heard, and that's the way we govern ourselves in this country. kennedy: all right. but, obviously, buck, virginia is a critical state, as you know living in the area, and it is one of the decidedly purple states in the country, and both sides are playing offense and defense whether it's republicans or democrats here. so how do they best handle the situation? we've seen so many crises over the last two years that, you know, here is yet another one that has sunken in, and it's not going away. what to they do? >> they're just going to stick it out, kennedy. i think that we're not going to see any of the three embattled democrat politicians in virginia resign, which is utterly remarkable went you think about

it. kennedy: let me -- i want to stop you for just a second and ask you to the other two provide ralph northam with some coverage that he wouldn't have if he were the only one mired in scandal right now? >> i think they all look at the others and think that they are providing cover and so, in a sense, because none of them -- because, rather, not one of them will step forward and resign, they're all assuming they can get away with this. look, i actually, i agree with what airportjuan said about how -- antjuan said about due process. i'm sick to my stomach about how the media is treating this a allegation, saying doesn't she -- during the kavanaugh area -- have the right to be believed, why would she lie. those are prejudicial ways to approach a topic where we need more facts. i they's fair. -- i they's fair. herring was saying that northam should resign for what he has admit canned he had also done.

i also have to say what was northam thinking by telling people that was not him in the photo. dude, it's you in the photo -- ken it's an even bigger problem if you don't know if you're the guy in black face or the ku klux klan robe. >> let me say this about the two other incidents, because i don't want to tie them up into one big knot. i said the governor should resign because i believe he cannot be effective as a leader after the picture came out of the yearbook. same thing with the a.g.. but i do think -- ken so do you think -- kennedy: so do you think those are more serious claims than the one -- [inaudible conversations] because i think they are serious, and i think they speak to these gentlemen's character particularly in a state like virginia where, unfortunately, a lot of that is baked into its history, and that's incredibly

unfortunate. you can't go back and rewrite history, but sexually assaulting a woman is, you know, it seems to be -- >> a crime. >> yeah. >> understand what i'm saying. i'm saying i'm not trying to pull the serious meter out one versus the other -- kennedy: should they all three go? >> i think the governor needs to go because i don't think he can be effective -- kennedy: okay. that's fine, and that's valid, but how can the other two stay if the governor goes? >> no, i said knot northam should go too, but justin's case needs to be heard out. if facts check out, i'll be right back on your program saying he needs to go. but we know the process with the other two -- kennedy: there's no doubt about that, and it's incredibly problematic, but i think one of the things we're missing here in our discussion is that of intent. and whether or not all of these

instances -- and i think he said it best, antjuan at the top of the show, right now there's a rush to tie everyone single instance of someone in black face or dark makeup as the same thing. because black face is atrocious. it is incredibly offensive, and there is a history and an intent there that is inexcusable, and i'm wondering if that's ooh different than some of the instances we have seen, you know, like c. thomas howell or robert downey jr. buck, go ahead. >> i was just going to say there's some other dynamics that come into play with regard the whether any of them are going to resign. i think that's probably the game plan that's going to continue here. but for one, there's the idea of a double standard. look, i actually am sympathetic to the notion that people doing something a long time ago that wasn't criminal, it was deeply insensitive and racist, that if they came forward and apologized, then people can adjudicate that for themselves, but you can't necessarily just

ban everybody from public life always and forever because of what they did when they were 19. that said, democrats don't want the play by those rules. now you're in your 50s or 60s -- kennedy: do you agree with that, antjuan? are there subtleties we haven't flushed out in dealing with some of these past instances? >> no. i think most people, most reasonable people would agree that black face, whether you pretend to be michael jackson -- although i do not buy that argument because we know what michael jackson looked like in the '80s. i think, whatever, again it is two different examples. i'm not downplaying the sexual assault at all, i want to be clear. because i don't want the twisting of my words. i think those are very serious allegations. but we have, plain and simple and clear, the facts with the governor and the lieutenant governor. i'm saying they should resign because the allegation has been -- kennedy: i think all three of them are going to end up resigning, and then you're going

to have a republican governor. [laughter] and that's bad news for democrats. buck and antjuan, thank you both so much. >> thank you. kennedy: joining me now, tonight's panel. look who we've got, attorney and executive director at the lawler project, goldstein along with comedian for in this show, jimmy, and podcast host, also a comedian, dave smith. new dad. great beard. welcome, everyone. >> the dad beard. >> you've got the dad beard, i've got the dad bod. [laughter] >> really appreciate that beard comment. [laughter] kennedy: anyone can be a dad. not even can grow a beard. let's talk about this a little bit because now there is a rush to go out and find examples that you can't take back that might be really dumb, so what are we to do going forward? >> well, number one, we should vet our candidates a lot better, and candidates, i think, should be more honest with themselves when they run for office in this

political climate. but i think, you know, buck said it, we're facing now a broader philosophical question right now, and that is, you know, to what extent do we hold people accountable for things they've done in their past. are they allowed to grow, improve, or are there certain things that are so heinous and so terrible that it's actually okay and justified to bring it up? and i do think that sexual assault and black face fall into that latter category. so the question is can they be forgiven? i think they can, but the only community or person that can forgive them is the one that is insulted and hurt. kennedy: agreed. >> so it's really up to the african-american community in virginia right now to see if they can forgive. and they also use this as an opportunity. maybe the governor now will turn into one of the best champions for, you know, minority rights and for the african-american -- kennedy: yeah. maybe as their governor, maybe that's not the best place to do it, but, you know, i still think

there's something politically fascinating about this because everyone's scrambling here. there's no one right or one wrong side. especially when it comes to human nature and flaws -- >> yep. kennedy: -- and, you know, things inside of you that are expressed long ago that, as brooke said, aren't necessarily reconciled. >> i feel like you're setting me up for confession right now. [laughter] it's a disgusting story. to a point buck made earlier, if the fourth guy in line wasn't republican, we probably would see resignation. you know who's really embarrassed? the opo-research firms. somebody definitely wants a refund from their election firm -- kennedy: yeah. and that's, i mean, look what they paid for the steele dossier. >> i think that's part of the reason also, we're going at such a rate that in, like, three weeks it'll be more offensive not to have one.

>> can you imagine if you were gillespie and you were in the highest profile governor race in the country and you were being called a racist -- kennedy: he was the one being called -- >> i just can't not point this out, what a crazy world we live in. he add advocated for legalizing murdering children, and this isn't -- [inaudible conversations] or it's a picture in his yearbook? okay, this is bad, he should have apologized and not passed it off, black face is bad. i understand why black people would be very offended by it. one in three black children in virginialys in poverty, over 50% of them in low income households. there are way more serious problems, and for every democrat who didn't call for him to resign other killing babies, this isn't how pro-life people say killing babies. we all agree it's killing babies. kennedy: yeah. no, or it's so incredibly backward, and someone said the other night, you know, maybe this whole black face

controversy was just to get the baby-killing controversy off the front page of the papers. >> that is what is so crazy. you can tell 2019 you would have a political party that was like, oh, black face, thank god. kennedy: just when we think it can't get crazier, when things are about to calm down, we thought the shutdown was nuts -- [laughter] maryland's looking like quite a state. the panel is coming back. we have a lot more on the show saying hillary -- including hily clinton saying nancy pelosi -- [inaudible] jeff bezos says the "national enquirer"'s trying to blackmail him. we've got a report with the lurid details coming up. stay here. ♪

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♪ ♪ kennedy: the people's pantsuit returned today with a video message to the maker ors conference in california. and there was no shortage of the same tired identity politics that cost her big in 2016. watch. >> you know, the tidal wave of women and young people running for office is helping to build an america that's not only kinder, fairer, bigger-hearted, but safer, stronger and more secure. and as speaker nancy pelosi, doesn't that sound great, has proved yet again, it often takes a woman to get the job done. kennedy: bruce springsteen would say a red-headed woman. shock people are hear that and wonder what it is that nancy pelosi has gotten done since regaining her speakership, but others see hillary's high praise for exactly what it is, a shameless attempt to curry favor

with democratic leaders. is hillary plotting another comeback or is this just another cases of hillary plotting another comeback? brooke, jimmy and dave. here she is praising nancy pelosi and her leadership and her speakership because nancy pelosi is not a threat to hillary clinton. hillary clinton is not going to go out there and talk about kamala harris and elizabeth warren and kirsten gillibrand because they all want to be president and so does hillary. >> yeah. and a lot of hillary's people are working for harris, so it'll be interesting to see -- i still expect her to try again. kennedy: she will. she can't help herself. >> it's also this stuff, if anyone ever said the opposite of -- if anyone ever said sometimes the it takes a man, hillary clinton would be the first one to -- why do men justin constantly have to take it on the chin? i know nothing ever happened before 1965. men have never accomplished anything. we just have to constantly hear that, and if the opposite was said, you'd be the first one to

lecture everybody. kennedy: i think we weren't supposed to pin our hopes on gender traits. >> yeah. kennedy: because when you make that big of a split and you embrace one gender, first of all, you're assuming there's only two, but second of all, you're really alienating men. don't you need men to win the presidency? >> yes. and you're also sort of infantizing women, and it's particularly disingenuous when you realize the only thing nancy pelosi has gotten done is her face. [laughter] there's not a whole heck of a hot going on. kennedy: put on makeup! i'm so surprised! >> before you come out onto the set. yeah, she's definitely running again because she's working the refs. kennedy: and it's interesting, because in a way it's very old-fashioned because, you know, millennial post-feminism looks very differently at these thingsings and looks very differently at a person's role in society, i hope.

and this seems very free to be you and me, marlo thomas, betty friedan, very old school, stink key feminism. >> yeah. and true feminism is about equality of the sexes. i just think -- it's another example i couldn't help but think, you're trying so hard to be relevant and insert yourself after the state of the union. you not even making a meant about what trump said, your at some -- you're at some conference nobody really knows about until you issued this, you know, public video with the logo there. enough, it's insulting. but i have to say women do get things done. >> oh, yeah -- >> you're an example, i'm an example. and you know what i think it is, i was thinking about this for some time, we have better time management skills because we're very guilty. i mean, as a working mom when i'm at home, i'm guilty i'm not at work. when i'm at works i'm guilt i'm not at home, so you've got to get stuff done. kennedy: yeah. and you have to be able to split up your day into 10-15 things. >> men, they don't care about

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kennedy: congress is now the land of make believe as congress pam alexandria ocasio-cortez and ed markey have sketched a resolution that will wean the u.s. off dirty -- and give us all $10,000 a year universal basic income. and i say why stop there. people should be getting at

least $100,000 a year, especially if they're going to properly develop cosmopolitan biases in places like san francisco or new york. and we should all have electric cars, probably teslas, new custom homes and gilded bamboo, weekly facials and thai massage and free snacks when we get hungry from all the weed we're smoking. with all these good intentions and the automatic job creation, what could possibly go wrong? well, when you put millions of people out of work by shutter oring entire industries from energy to insurance, you kind of deplete your tax base. and if profits are immoral, then corporations probably shouldn't exist, and that will take care of the billionaires, but unfortunately, when they go, so go the billions. and, of course, there's the minutest detail of all, how to you pay for it. well, that's easy, folks, you just print money.

deficit spending is the ladder to the green future. just ask aoc. when corporations crumble and stocks tank, what's left? the middle class can shoulder the burden. that's just math. it's a pretty modest proposal. as you know, medicare for all would be a pittance, over $32 trillion over ten years. the guaranteed jobs program runs at a very conservative $3 trillion the first decade. universal basic income, that's $3 trillion a year, and rapidly converting to zero emissions, that runs about $13 trillion. that's just shy of $80 trillion just for first ten years. we can't afford not to do it. oh, i'm sorry, i mean, it's totally impractical and completely childish and shows total disdain for the only real mechanism for creating wealth and lefting people out of poverty, the free market. oh, aoc, maybe when you grow up,

speaker pelosi will assign you to that select committee on climate change with the big people. until then, keep cranking how out these tween fantasy resolutions, they're wildly entertaining. and that's the memo. when politico asked speaker pelosi about ocasio-cortez's pet project yesterday, madam speaker called it, quote, the green dream or whatever they call it. pelosi was slightly less dismissive today saying she welcomes all the enthusiasm. so is the new green deal too absurd for most democrats? joining me now, the conservative male aoc, florida congressman matt gaetz. >> thanks, though i'm not quite sure i can live up to that moniker. it sounds like more of a nightmare when none of us can turn on the heat, air-conditioning, fly, drive, get on trains. i guess we'll have to move and on our winged unicorns to get

from point a to point b. i tend to fall this line with sir winston churchill who said that capitalisming is the unequal sharing of profits but socialism is the equal sharing of misery. kennedy: it's socialism, that's what it is. they talk about the collective, they talk about redistribution and the green new deal, i described it last night, as a blob because that's what it is. it's an undifferentiated hodgepodge of various programs that are completely untenable. they'd be impossible to get off the ground and even worse to try and sustain. so -- are people just trying to become folk heroes? what is going on in congress? >> the main problem we have in congress is that people are better at branding than legislating. i don't know that most of the people even support the green new deal could tell you what's in it. it eliminates nuclear energy in this country, one of the careenest forms of energy we have. [laughter] and the poor people who struggle

month to month to pay their electric bills in cold parts of the country probably are not going to be too thrilled when they're unable to sustain themselves. these ideas aren't, like, cute and adorable and kind of funny to toss around, they're actually dangerous to people who rely on us to make decisions based on the facts and not just a clever branding strategy. kennedy: they're going to bankrupt the country. that's. >> yes. kennedy: there's no other way around it. there is no amount of taxation you could ever levy that could pay for these programs ever. and i know they think that corporations are these giant, magical money factories. they believe the same of the fed. that's simply not how the world works. and when the economy shrinks, which is what will inevitably happen, people die. that's not hyperbole, that is a fact. >> absolutely. and i don't think that there's like a total lack of common ground on the question of climate change.

i'm a republican who believes in soups. i think the earth is warming, and humans contribute to it, but i don't think we need to unilaterally disarm the american economy to deal with climate change. let's do what americans have always done, embrace innovation. let's get good ideas to market faster. let's have people around the world copy our best practices to be clearance, safer and stronger. but instead with this new brand of socialists who have come in, what they want to do is make washington the center of all power in american life. i want to empower the individuals to make better choices, and i don't think it's an either/or decision. you can see the impacts of climate change and have a strategy to address it that embraces what's best about america, not what's worst about venezuela. kennedy: that's absolutely right. and it's interesting because what they won't anytime is the earth is cleaner now than it has been, and the free market is providing solutions that people want. how many more electric cars are there now than there were ten years ago? and that is not because of

government mandate. that's because people are growing more sophisticated, and people actually care about things, and the government doesn't have to be the only forceful mechanism that brings about change. >> yeah. if i have to bet on american innovation or the united states congress, it's not really a fair bet, kennedy. it's just -- the best in our country comes when we unlock the potential of our people, not when we try to constrain our people with their big government overlords. kennedy: yeah. and everyone only making $10,000 a year does not sound like a decent proposal to me. finish congressman matt gates, thanks so much for being here. >> thank you, kennedy. kennedy: well, amazon's jeff bezos is accusing the "national enquirer" and its publisher of extortion saying the tabloid is threatening to release naked photos of him. yeah. fbn's deirdre bolton joins us with the juicy details. >> i was going to say, usually i'm talking about the stock price, this is a whole different

thing. so in january national inquireerer published an expose into this fair between the founder and ceo of amazon, jeff bezos, and a former news anchor and helicopter pilot, lauren sanchez. the national indefiner said it had -- inquirer said it had seen explicit photos of bezos. to bezos hired a private investigator to find out how the magazine got the texts. he's now accusing them of extortion and blackmail. he published pretty much everything himself and a list of the racy photos are included. they leave very little, these descriptions, to the imagination. all of the e-mail exchanges he also published between himself and the lawyers representing the magazine and then magazine x and himself. so he claims, bezos, that the "national enquirer" publisher really threatened him unless he stop stopped this investigation into the original january leaks,

and bezos also suggests that the attacks on his personal life are politically motivated. now, i read the blog, the post on medium. it is very compelling. and one line stands out. rather than capitulate to extortion and black marriages i have decided to publish exactly what they sent me, despite the personal cost and embarrassment they threaten. he say that is if somebody in his position cannot stand up to threats such as this, who can? so let's just say, kennedy, there's enough material for lawyers on both sides to go here for a while. kennedy: i hear there is plenty of material, deirdre. [laughter] >> yes, yes. it makes one blush. kennedy: well, good thing we have two comics on the possible tonight -- >> good thing. kennedy: deirdre bolton, thank you so much. so is jeff bezos barking up the wrong gigantic tree, and does that even matter when you have enough money to buy every forest in the world?

the panel is back with reaction. brooke, jimmy and dave. jimmy -- [laughter] >> oh, boy. i've got to tell you, this story shocked me. kennedy: the whole thing is a gift that keeps on giving. >> is it not -- kennedy: the giant package that just shows up on your doorstep. >> hey! i've never gotten a nude text, and i say that mostly because my wife is watching. [laughter] >> how many have you sent? >> oh, it's about jeff bezos. kennedy: human resources. >> that said, i was shocked by a few things. first of all, 140 billion, can't you buy a backup, a stunt double, is what i'm trying to say? who is sending their own with all the imagery available on the internet? from what i've heard. but it also struck me as so dumb and ham-handed by the inquireerer, if this is real extortion ask they put it in writing in 2019 -- kennedy: that seems old-fashioned. >> you would think they would use one of their intermediaries like the lizard baby oprah had

with the hockness monster -- lochness monster. kennedy: or john edwards' baby. >> that's a real baby, actually. [laughter] >> very good. >> he's not worth $140 billion, it's 13 if 7 -- [laughter] kennedy: i hear there's a lot to exaggerate. >> he's doing okay. i think what's the worst that could happen or or ors they put it out? we've been pretty desensitized to these naked pictures at this point. after the whole anthony weiner -- if your kid isn't in the picture, i think you're going to be fine. [laughter] kennedy: that's a high standard we have for public figures these days. he's not an elected official. >> he's a public figure. kennedy: he might become the next governor of virginia at this point. [laughter] >> he's seventh in line? i think two more people wear black face -- kennedy: and, by the way, jeff bezos is like, good news, no black face in the photos. [laughter] >> this lawyer should be fired or even potentially -- i mean,

how stupid do you have to be to put this in writing? extortion, otherwise known as a shakedown. i mean, the definition is very simple. you try to obtain something by threatening somebody else. it's a criminal offense. >> yeah, what were they thinking? >> when you read the e-mail, it reads very clearly. jeff, if you don't stop doing this, we will not consider, not establishing the photos. and follows up with, you know, common sense can prevail, do this or else. and so did he, are they going to publish them? probably not. he nullified the whole thing. nobody cares about. kennedy: jeev jeff bezos doesn't own instagram, and this is the only way for him to get -- >> hey, who knew a seahawks fan had so much brett farr in him -- brett favre in him. kennedy: he will maintain his credibility. >> that's ooh true. he changed the game. kennedy: no abhorrent footwear was harmed in the making of these -- >> those were the most harmful,

that was the most offense we've part of brett favre's texts, were the crocs. what a creep, what a weirdo. [laughter] the man was the "iron man" of the nfl. kennedy: panel, you guys are the best. thank you so much. we're all shaking our heads. especially me, at myself. coming up the nypd wants google to remove the police alert feature from its waze app, we'll set the record straight. when we return. as a fitness junkie, i customize everything - bike, wheels, saddle. that's why i switched to liberty mutual. they customized my insurance, so i only pay for what i need. i insured my car, and my bike. my calves are custom too, but i can't insure those... which is a crying shame. only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪

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♪ ♪ kennedy: well, the nypd is really po'd at google. new york's finest demanding that the tech giant remove a feature from its waze traffic app that tips off drivers to dui checkpoints calling them, quote, criminal misconduct. but google counters that police alerts help drivers make smarter

decisions on the road. you know, like pull over and throw out your beer cans. many rightfully see police checkpoints as expensive and ineffective and exercises that harass us especially when we're law-abiding dreiers. so should -- drivers. so should the nypd keep looking up ways to stop google, or is it time to free the people? if matt kibbe joins me now. a lot of times these roadblocks are actually unconstitutional. >> yeah. i think the whole thing is fundamentally un-american. roadblocks suck, because they just bring in a bunch of sober people to who aren't doing anything wrong. and i thought there used to be this thing called due process where you were presumed innocent until proven guilty. and they cost a lot of money, and they don't actually catch drunk drivers. that's the ostensible reason we're doing this. so it's just like a fishing expedition where cops have an opportunity to maybe give you a ticket because you don't have your seat belt on or your

driver's license. how can i make a little cash off of this guy since i've got him on the side of the road. kennedy: i mean, it is a very easy cash grab because we all commit infractions when we drive, you know? usually, they're pretty minor, but should you really be ticketed for stuff like that? because you know that the law is not on your side when you go before a judge. >> well, you know, i think the real agenda here isn't just about dui stops because it's fairly difficult to find the notes that tell you where there would be one of these if you're using waze, particularly if you're holding a beer in the other hand, because it gets complicated steering and -- kennedy: and hitting the little thumbs up button on the app. >> too much. kennedy: how many times have we gotten speeding tickets, you know? not to mention if dui checkpoints, how many times have you gone, you know what? that was absolutely fair. that police officer was absolutely right to pull me other, and i deserved to have the book thrown at me. i say that 80% of the time.

>> 80%. but what they're really pissed about is speed traps and speed cameras because what happens is waze tells you it's there, and you slow down. isn't that the point of this process? kennedy: ya. and doesn't it create more conscious driving? ininstead of just speeding through life like a bat out of hell, you check in with waze, it keeps everyone mindful; aware and safe. >> it's beautiful. it's like a little community, and you're gathering all this knowledge of time and place, and you're sharing it with your unknown neighbors. this is freedom at its best. kennedy: it is a wonderful community service, it's one of my favorite things, and i hope they don't back down from this. i don't think they're going to. matt kibbe -- >> so good to be -- kennedy: delightful to have you in new york city and always fighting the good fight. greatest moustache in the business. next to john stossel. topical storm is next. ♪ ♪

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♪ ♪ kennedy: some big news in the entertainment industry. the city of san jose, california, has opened the country's first virtual reality movie theater. the big news means sci-fi fans will finally see what it's like to bring a date.

yeah! pass the popcorn, because this is the topical storm. sex robots, boys. topic number one, we begin in indiana's jackson county jail where you never know who might drop in. well, this is awkward. an inmate tried to sneak out of the joint like "el chapo" but, unfortunately, his escape plan was el crapo, if you will, and i know you will. the man told guards he was trying to get home early for valentine's day, and the good news is he got himself a valentine! the bad news is it's a gentleman with a neck tattoo named spider. sounds like my prom night all over again. so many felons, all trying to escape. well, escaping from prison is a class five felony, and if he's found guilty, he'll go where all people with shitty pasts go. we head to texas where pet rescues have fallen

dramatically. oh, no. hello, cat. there he goes! the cat was stuck in a tree, so the cops had to drop it into a sheet because worst case scenario, it's only a cat. upon further review, they got both feet in bounds and maintained possession, so the play stands as called. the cat is now free to scamper off unappreciatively, as they do. police were insure if the fallen feline has an owner, but its idea to climb the tree was so stupid, they've nicknamed her congresswoman ocasio-cortez. topic number three. great news for people who like to eat pizza and pancakes every day. no. scientists haven't found a cure for diabetes, but ihop is selling a pancake pizza. somebody needs to stop these ihop gimmicks before they get carried away and change their

name to something stupid. oh, wait. the pan-pizza, yeah, it comes for $4.99 and with free delivery which is only fair because anybody who wants one is way too drunk to drive. [laughter] or they come in three flavors, buttermilk, bacon cheddar and cupcake, and eating one will leave you in three sizes, lovell handles, double chin and man boobs. the internet hasn't been kind to pancake five, but oddly enough, business is through the roof! oh, there i am. i weighed more than i did before! they should hire this guy to deliver, he obviously knows the shortest ways to get places. [laughter] he has experience with terrible food. oh. topic number four. a florida husband was arrested for shooting his gun in the air after he caught his wife in the hot tub with another man. so far mama has been -- [inaudible] but let's see how this whole thing plays out.

oh, no! he got a band-aid. robert haskins was drinking in his backyard hot tub with his wife and a male friend. he went inside to sleep, a big no-no. he awoke an hour later to the sounds of them getting romantic which meant he allegedly emerged with a gun. police initially arrested everyone there which was easy enough because two of them were already handcuffed. haskins was ultimately taken in on multiple charges, but don't cry for him. he just landed a role in the new movie hot tub doing time machine. topic number five. like cory booker's presidential campaign, this next segment is a terrible idea. but we're going to do it anyway. yeah, it's time for viewer mail. oh, chad kickeds things -- kicks things off with a backhanded

compliment. i like kennedy, but she should never try to be funny. it's so hard to watch someone who thinks they are funny but isn't fun at all. she looks great though. you're just full of compliments there, chad. donald has some career advice are. go back to mtv where we don't have the hear your annoying voice. they don't play music on mtv, all you would hear is my annoying voice. ♪ ♪ >> david tweets dumbest women on tv, oh, you must mean me and the girls. joseph brings it home with a request, please stop embarrassing yourself. joseph, like you taking off your

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something important. it's not going to be easy. quicksilver earns you unlimited 1.5% cash back on every purchase, everywhere. actually, that's super easy. my bad. kennedy: we have been so lucky to have this time together. thank you so much for watching the best hour of your day. so humble. you can follow me on twitter and

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