but i invite ms. shin from chinese state television, i invite her to discuss all of this and have a meaningful conversation on trade anytime. you name the mace, ma'am, i'll be there. -- the place, ma'am. i'll be there. kennedy's next. kennedy: thank you, trish. breaking news tonight, president trump moments ago authorizing the intelligence community to investigate alleged spying on president trump's 2016 campaign and the president is ordering them to declassify the information. that is fantastic news. they're officially investigating the investigators. so is there you go. it comes as the fight between the president and democrats, it got turned up to 11. the two sides still battling over what happened in yesterday's disastrous white house infrastructure meeting. and this morning -- there she is, house speaker nancy pelosi relit the dynamite with a stunning new swipe at el presidente. >> now this time another temper

tantrum. again, i pray for the president of the united states. i wish that his family or his administration or his staff would have an intervention for the good of the country. kennedy: an intervention. [laughter] you can't pray if you don't have a soul. senate minority leader chuck schumer gave his two cents tweeting, quote: i would describe his demeanor as agitated. thanks, chuckles. go back to your hole. well, the president got wind of all that and laced up the combat boots at the white house event on terrorist aid for farmers. tariff aid. >> she said i walked into the room right next to her and walked in and started screaming and yelling. just the opposite. just the opposite. because i know that they will always say that, even if it didn't happen because this happened once before, i walked out, i was so calm. you all saw me minutes later, i was at a news conference. i was extremely calm. i was probably even more so in

that room. so i walked into the cabinet room. you had the group, crying chuck, crazy nancy. i tell you what, i've been watching her, and i have been watching her for a long period of time. she's not the same person. she's lost it. kennedy: that's wonderful. then he asked all of his advisers to back him up. kellyanne, what was my temperament yesterday? >> that's just a lie. you were very calm. >> you were very calm and you were very direct. >> there were many people. what was my attitude yesterday? >> you were very calm. >> what was my tone yessed at the meeting? >> this was definitely not -- after after an angry or ranting, very calm and straightforward and clear. >> were you there, hogan? >> accusations. i'll be honest, you have every right to do that. kennedy: oh, boy. all right. the president wasn't finished. he then called out democrats are choosing to scream about

impeachment instead of working with him on an infrastructure deal. >> we're going to see what happens. i can tell you this, let 'em get this angst out of their belt, and when it is, we can do things so quick, your head will spin. i'm an extremely e stable genius. kennedy: there you go, you guys, everything's fine, he's a stable genius! nan is city pelosi replied to that, quote: when the extremely stable genius starts acting more presidential, i'll be happy to work with him on infrastructure and ore issues -- other issues. so is there any chance of reconciliation for this trio, or are we officially past the point of no return? tonight's panel is here to light it up and take it up. criminal defense attorney david bruno, former hillary adviser and also her campaign consultant to dnc, antjuan seawright, and comedian and head writer of this fine program, jimmy fela is here. it's a thursday night man panel.

>> we kind of look like a reunion of a boy band called wrong direction. [laughter] we had the one hit in the late '90s. kennedy: maybe not quite a hit, maybe top 15. >> it was a hit from a bong. [laughter] kennedy: well, that's something. at least we know the president's intelligence and stability level. >> genius. kennedy: so everyone should be, should feel a sense of ease that the president e minds us all once again that he's an extremely stable genius. >> sure. well, first of all -- kennedy: do you understand his frustration? >> i do, absolutely. i mean, let's -- there's been two court cases this week saying that his financial documents could be released. you've got the mueller report out, but nobody's actually reading it or understanding it. and then you have the attack -- kennedy: well, the one guy who does read it from his party says, i don't know, there's some impeachable stuff many there. that's an issue. [laughter] >> i can understand his frustration, but if that's the standard, then nothing is ever going to get done ever in

washington ever again. so that's the problem. we have to look past this, and we have to all get along, and we have to all come at the very least infrastructure, please, right? but i think we're too far past. kennedy: we may be. but you point out something, and i actually agree with you here. i think the president sometimes forgets that the he's the president. >> you know for the republicans who are doing toe touches and giving trump cheers at this point, they would be jumping out of their chairs if this was barack hussein obama, not to make the comparison -- kennedy: well, you're making the comparison. [laughter] >> i am making the comparison, but at some point we have to get to business of doing what a president should do, and that is regardless of party, this country has some real serious needs -- infrastructure, health care, education, you name it -- let's try at least to make an honest attempt to work together. and i think in good faith the democrats, at least when i spoke to mr. clyburn prior to this meeting, they came to table -- kennedy: i will say this,

because i know you're good friends with james clyburn who's third in line for house democrat leadership. he's a respectable person. i think nancy pelosi has really made some misguided steps here. she's losing it with her caucus, and she takes no responsibility about her comments of a cover-up before she's supposed to meet with the president. if you are in sales, you know you soften up the client before you ask for money, you know that, right? am i the only one that watches madmen on netflix? do you think i'm betty draper or robert sterling? [laughter] >>, no i think that pelosi came to table ready to do a deal. i think she knows the power's in her court, and i think she knows the pressure's on the president to respond because democrats have been cranking out bills, and the gop have really failed to this point to do what they need to do. kennedy: come on, man, that's so partisan. >> i felt the same way. i thought it was rich of nancy

to recommend someone for an intervention. kennedy: i just love it that they're calling each other crazy the president is so stable. good. >> if we do, we will not think you're stable. [laughter] >> he got called crazy e and responded by asking for shout-outs from everyone in the room. hey, guy over there with the mop, i'm all right, right? [laughter] it was disturbing. kennedy: do you think i'm pretty? >> yeah, i hook good, right? a little rich of nancy to call for someone to give an intervention given that she talks like she has the slurs and the forgets. crazy. but i enjoy -- kennedy: which i love, by the way. i think it's very endearing. may she be speaker forever. >> she comes off as the older age robot on small wonder, because that's who would do that. i like that they're not getting along, because i'm not infrastructure crazy. i don't know how the heck we're going to pay for it. kennedy: we can't pay for anything.

and the longer they're fighting, the less chance we have of passing some shellacked piece of dog crap -- >> do you feel that way about every piece of legislation? kennedy: no, just the ones that spend money. >> okay, name one that doesn't. kennedy: criminal justice reform, it really doesn't. it alters how the system operates and the structure of the system. it's a good first step. >> it's a good first step, i'll give you that. beautiful. kennedy: last word. i know you're poking the air, do you want to say something? go ahead, honey. >> last word. hey, if the dems want to a pass some bills -- kennedy: the dims, let's say it right. [laughter] >> go for it. let's see an infrastructure bill. >> they've passed over 200 pieces of legislation. >> let's see it. i want to see them move. kennedy: i'm telling you what, it is the living manifestation of the bumper sticker jesus is coming, look busy. that's all they're doing. they're not doing anything meaningful. >> they have passed very meaningful pieces of legislation -- kennedy: on immigration? >> no, no, no -- kennedy: no, no, no, the important thing?

>> they came to table, and the president rejected it, you remember that, right? kennedy: i remember the president saying i'll give 1.8 million daca dreamers some path to citizenship. >> more than one time the president has rejected serious immigration proposals, even those that came from his own party. there have been at least nine major pieces of legislation that all poll above 60% that have passed the house dem contact chamber. can. kennedy: if that makes you sleep at night, if that is political ambien to you, then have at it. >> i'm all about low infrastructure -- kennedy: i love prescription drugs. i'm a fan. i don't want to lower the prices because we're not venezuela. we're not into price fixing, but i do enjoy a prescription drug -- amocks if sillen -- >> i mean, even other people's prescription drugs, if we're going to get into it. [laughter] kennedy: all right. i think that's great. okay, we're going to talk to panel later, and there's a lot to high-five at this table

always. first up, talking about putting all the entertaining moments aside, the real debate here, of course, is about impeachment. more and more democrats have been turning up the heat on speaker pelosi to do something, but earlier today nance pushed back saying there's no division in her caucus. what? >> want to believe that there's all this unease in our caucus. that simply isn't the truth. we have respect for the diversity of opinion in our caucus, and i say to caucus, our diversity is our strength the, our unity is our power. and we have unity in our caucus. kennedy: oh, i've lost it completely. oh, that was such a bad idea. hi, don't mind me. i've just lost my -- someone check my ear. okay, great. we're back. it's live tv, and magical things happen every single moment. the studio is loaded with little pixies. like south carolina senator lindsey graham. he shot her down saying she ain't telling the whole truth. >> when she says her caucus is

not divided, i don't buy that. she's either delusional or misrepresenting where her caucus really is. so speaker pelosi is trying to hide what i think is obvious, that the democratic party is hell bent on impeaching president trump no matter what the evidence is and no matter what he does. kennedy: well, pelosi also claims there's another wrinkle. that's okay, she'll have her coz cosmetic dermatologist work that out. she now says the president actually wants democrats to impeach him. >> i think what really got to him was these court cases and the fact that a house democratic caucus is not on a path to impeachment. and that's where he wants us to be. kennedy: you can't spell caucus without chianti. so how long can nancy fend off the impeachment wave? joining me tonight, former georgia republican congressman bob barr. back in 997 he was the first to

call for president clinton's impeachment and resignation. so welcome back to show. congressman. >> thank you, kennedy. kennedy: if you could talk to nancy pelosi, what advice would you give her about the impeachment path? >> go home, nancy. [laughter] you make no sense. you can't even understand what you're saying. kennedy: that's is so true. [laughter] >> and plus the fact the reality is the democratic caucus has a bunch of left-wing whackos and some establishment people that are actually trying to hide from them, but they can't agree on anything other than, i guess, abortion for all, immigration for all, medicare for all and now impeachment for all. so that's what they're going with, impeachment, impeachment, impeachment. kennedy: speaking of which, one of the surging front-runners on the democrat side for president, mayor pete buttigieg, he has now gotten on the impeachment wagon, and i want to know your thoughts because i would really caution

the democrats running for president to get too excited about impeachment, because they're really sort of drafting a road map to remove them from the top job if, in fact, one of them gets elected. >> i'll tell you, it is absolutely fascinating to watch how president trump is wrapping them around his little finger with this impeachment stuff. you know, he's standing there like dirty harry, come on, make my day, punk, and they're all taking the bait. they're all rushing to this light, and they're going to get burned on it, but none of them realize that because they're being dragged far to left by these whackos. kennedy: and no one is playing the long game, because this really is a short-term strategy the that excites the base. the problem is the timing could be off for democrats, and my feeling is if the president wants impeachment and if nancy wants impeachment, just give him impeachment. come on, man, hunger games. let's do it.

>> well, it may be the hunger games, but people out there in the real world -- i actually, literally, was just talking with my mom before coming on the air with you, kennedy, and she was saying all these people in washington can do is run around and fight with each other, and nothing is happening out here in the real world to help us. and i do think that there's a lot of people, the majority of the americans, that feel that way. and the democrats just don't see it. it's like they're all blindfolded like lemmings walking over the cliff. kennedy: it is absolutely true, and there is nothing kinkier than blindfolded lemmings. i'm so glad you brought that up. please come back, because i have a feeling impeachment is still going to be on the menu. thank you so much, congressman barr. >> sure. kennedy: very good. coming up, the pentagon reportedly preparing to send up to 10,000 troops to help deal with iran. can we stop this before our sons and daughters are sent to die in another devastating war? i'll ask walid phares next. ♪ ♪

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sending 10,000 troops to middle east. acting defense secretary patrick shanahan told reporters that report is not true. >> there is no 10,000, there is no 5,000. that's not, you know, accurate. what we're focused on right now is do we have the right force protection in the middle east. and as soon as there's a change, i promise i'll give you an update. but those numbers are not correct. kennedy: they are only numbers at this point. secretary of state mike pompeo told "fox & friends" this morning the president will have every resource necessary to deal with an attack on u.s. interests, and he may need them. "the washington post" reporting the intelligence experts there believe the recent attacks in the middle east bear iran's signature and point to their new aggressive strategy. sounds an awful lot like we're going to war with iran. but let me ask an expert, joining me now, fox news foreign policy expert washington leaders here. >> thank you, kennedy.

kennedy: what did patrick shanahan and mike pompeo say to congress when they briefed members there? >> i think that the principal message is it's not about numbers, 5,000, 10,000, it's not about the philosophy of serving forces, it's what iran is doing. if the iranians are using missiles, how can we counter them? send an aircraft carrier. if iran is doing militia work, we beef up our allies on the ground. so the issue of numbers is proportional to what the iranians are doing. and as you mentioned, they're on an aggressive mode in iraq, syria, lebanon, yemen. that's why we have that concern. kennedy: now, here's a question, and this is something that i'm always trying to visualize because, obviously, iran wants control of the region. so are they gaining ground, or are they losing their grasp, and is that why you're seeing this more desperate form of ayes, sir? aggression? >> great question. they reached an apex with the

previous administration, eight years of u.s. policy that was not confrontational because we were signing the iran deal. now, this administration was -- [inaudible] hence, the iranians wants to recapture. so they are putting some pressure not just on us, but on our allies. the sabotage of four ships, drones from yemen into saudi arabia, militias, pro-iranian militias surrounding our bases. it's really iran that started this new war, if you want. we are responding in a very measured way and looking what is it we can do to pressure the iranians to behave. kennedy: and those are very serious charges and if, in fact, it is iran who has committed those atrocities, that is very problematic for the u.s. but what proof do we have there? >> the first proof with regard to drones against saudi arabia very easy. the houthis made a public statement and said, oh, look what we can do, we can go in deep against the saudis, we can even go to gulf.

the iranians themselves did not officially declare it, but the heads of their militias in iraq and elsewhere, so these are indirect proof that iran, if not the one who did it, but is standing by them. kennedy: my worry is that we send 10,000 troops over there and, you know, there's no plan to bring them home quickly. and i really worry that the tail gobbles the head, and, you know, we have mission creep that is unending and will be a decade and a half in in no time. >> unfortunately, that's a serious consideration. we should be all concerned we're not jumping into any war, any conflict. but at the same time, taking measures to send the right message to iranians so the iranians will be deterred and no war will take place. kennedy: i don't know what works with them because sanctions don't work, concessions don't work, posturing doesn't work. we certainly don't want a hot war with iran, so, you know, so much remains to be seen. thank you very much for your expertise. >> thank you. kennedy: very good. coming up, the left and right

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several police departments to try out his dastardly device that is called recognition with a k, and it's unconstitutional and f-u. while facial recognition is in its mainstream infancy, the coupling with law enforcement should be troubling for everyone as the orlando police department found out the hard way. so far the whole thing sucks. all right. but the tech isn't ready for application, and it's got more glitches than the a y2k urban legend as it confuses women with men, particularly darker-skinned women who will be utterly flogged once this behemoth is unleashed. the aclu did a fun experiment, they tested recognition on members of congress, and the tool identified 28 of them as folks who have committed crimes. violating civil liberties is arguably criminal and maybe a majority of congress people deserve a night or two in the pokey, but the point is it doesn't work well. and when it does, it will be an abuse magnet.

the issue for legislators is in polar opposition, really there is no due process if you are arrested with the aid of this science fiction nightmare. cops don't have to tell you that a corporate scanner conveniently matched your mug with a crime. it's too easy to punish innocent with this, and the burden of proving your innocence will be costly and painful. i don't care if joy behar and -- [inaudible] find the means to end this new form of unconstitutional probery. we have to talk about it and make sure a new surveillance tool isn't weapon niced by the corrupt and lazy in the name of doing good, and that's the memo. ♪ kennedy: now usually when there is bipartisan agreement on

something, it is either to spend money or start a war, which is also very costly. so should we be surprised the democrats and republicans agree on not turning america into an orwellian dystopia? here with me tonight, fox business network's very own titan of liberty, john stossel is back. hi, welcome back. >> thank you. kennedy: so what is most problematic for you about this facial recognition technology? >> well, from what you say, the possibility of government abuse. but aoc, when she's, as you put it, smoking her postcoital cigarette with the freedom caucus, what she missed in her statement, she said i don't care if it's government or corporations. well, i do, because we have one government -- kennedy: yes. >> we have many organizations -- kennedy: and they compete with each other. >> we can say we're not going to patronize them anymore. government is the threat. but i don't agree with you on this, weirdly -- because i'm libertarian. but this is going to happen anyway. kennedy: yeah. >> the technology is in its

infancy. it isn't working well now, but -- kennedy: well, you could say the same thing about civil asset formy theture, why not just let the cops take your stuff? >> you can draw a clear line and say you can't do that. 15-year-olds will be building this technology in their backyards. kennedy: sure. technology will always be ahead of government, but that still isn't worth giving government yet another tool to track us and take us down without telling us that's what they're using. >> other governments will use it, the chinese certainly will use it. and next time there's a boston marathon-like event and people are scared, they're going to be saying somebody's wandering in the suburbs, they're to say why -- they're going to say why aren't you using this facial recognition software? if. kennedy: i'd rather see positive train control. talk about the chinese, their using it to persecute the uighurs, and i believe this is

the only prime time cable news show that talks about the plight of the eagers and the armenian -- uighurs and the armenian genocide. with the help of this kind of tech. >> well, the chinese totalitarian government does all kinds of things to people. i believe they have this social score, and they reward you if they like your social media behavior. kennedy: and they also use it on elementary school students to see if they're paying attention in class. the state is doing that. i have an issue with the state application of tools like in that's unchecked -- >> me too. but it's not going to happen less. kennedy: occasionally, progressives and some conservatives get on the same page in the right areas, and surveillance happens to be one of those areas. >> that would be nice if we could get more areas where we can shake hands and make some progress. kennedy: how do we do that? >> i have no idea because with the algorithms on social media, people are getting further and further apart.

kennedy: yes. and i don't know what happens when people go further to the extremes. and i'm not calling for moderation, i'm calling for rationality always, above all else. but when you have emotional conversations and the message is driven by emotion, then people head for the exits. >> and i would hope there's going to be some reaction. the pendulum will swing, because we can't be screaming at each other every thanksgiving. kennedy: i just want to hug people, john. [laughter] >> but the algorithms are doing something new, because it feeds you more of what you already believe, and then you get really angry that the other people -- who are being fed something entirely different -- don't understand. kennedy: different set of facts, it's all subject iive. you're a good person, thank you for being here. >> thank you. kennedy: your goodness is blinding. very good. bad news. yep, julian assange, the feds are going to eat him alive. today they announced 17 new

charges against the wikileaks founder that could land him in prison for a long time, like michael avenatti time. he is currently locked up in london the after cops dragged him out of the embassy kicking and screaming. he was previously charged with computer intrusion for allegedly helping former u.s. army analyst chelsea manning crack a dod password. but these new charges accuse him of violating the u.s. espionage act for his role in allegedly obtaining and publishing classified info for manning, and now prosecutors want the brits to expedite him -- extradite him here. tweeting today the: this is madness. so is assange a courtroom, or is he just a journalist trying to do his job? the panel is back, welcome back, gentlemen. >> hey. kennedy: so let's talk about the legal ramifications here, because it does seem as though he's got a very clear first amendment defense. >> he does. pentagon papers. united states supreme court, it

was new york times, and they said journalists can, they can publish stolen data, classified data. so, yes. but he's a little different because the allegation is that he actually participated in the hack. that was the first indictment in april. now the superseding indictment -- kennedy: but there are a lot of journalists who have come out and said, hey, i have really tried to persuade sources, and i've gone back to them and asked can't you try and get a little bit more information, and they argue that's what good journalists do. >> yeah, definitely. are we going to see these defenses? who knows, because first he has to be extradited. and sweden has a rape charge against him, and u.k -- kennedy: that was actually dismissed, but they're talking about reopening that investigation. >> right. so, but he has to be extradited. and for the extradition, there is a political crime exception that they may rely on. they may say that this is politically emote sated. and if so, u.k. may not actually extradite. so first has to come the

extradition. if he gets here, then we will determine whether or not there's a first amendment defense. kennedy: how do democrats feel about this? >> i think most democrats and even some republicans, part of their big problem is he's being considered a journalist. kennedy: okay, but that's a really great question, who decides what a journalist is? >> well, when we look at what a journalist, who most of us would identify as a journalist, we would not put him in this category. kennedy: why not? >> i believe that -- just because i cook chicken doesn't mean i'm a topnotch chef, and i may make chicken well. and just because he does whatever he thinks he does well, it doesn't make him a journalist. i just don't think we should put anymore in the category of journalist. kennedy: that's problematic, because you could say conservative bloggers aren't journalists because you don't like the material they put out there. how do we decide? i don't think we've come up with an acceptable criterion -- >> i don't think there's a technical definition. kennedy: well, that's a problem

then, because you're using the word as though the everyone is using it in the same way. >> i think most people who are in this business know what a journalist is, someone who's fair and balanced straight down the line, there's no wiggle room. i just don't think we can say that. kennedy: i think you could have varying definitions. pamela anderson. >> that's my working theory, because i once not to work with her, and i know those two are chummy. my working theory is he wanted to get arrested after spending a few weeks with her. [laughter] you guys gotta have a dragnet around here, i've done some bad stuff. can we acknowledge what a bad week it is for celebrity pets? grumpy cat -- kennedy: we don't even know what the thing is. [laughter] >> hasn't been seen in forever. last being audit for stress in the subway. kennedy: did you see the guy feeding chinese food to rat in the subway? i know this is very off topic -- please, forgive me, but we're going somewhere.

did you see "the new york post," the greatest publication in the history of mankind, the man who shot himself in the tic tac sack because he was trying to hide the drugs -- >> in his buttocks. [laughter] >> bruno's, like, i want to represent the guy. >> can i weigh in? the man was arrested for trafficking heroin in his buttocks. kennedy: it was actually marijuana. >> marijuana. he clearly has a crack problem, if you will. hey -- [laughter] there it is! [laughter] kennedy: oh, man. guys, thank you so much. david, antjuan and jimmy. well, the liberal media made mike avenatti their hero, and now the sleaze bag lawyer could end up in jail. why is he calling it political revenge? a reporter who just interviewed avenatti after he got hit with more charges. that's next. ♪ ♪ ♪

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♪ ♪ kennedy: michael avenatti made a combined 229 appearances on cnn and msnbc in the past year, and he has managed to parlay that the fame into a possible 404 years in prison. but the man who rose to prominence as stormy daniels' hour told the washington examiner his arrest has president trump's fingers all over it saying, quote: any claim that politics and vindictiveness is not playing a role in all this is baseless. it's unclear how the president influenced avenatti to allegedly try to extort nike out of $25 million or allegedly steal 300 grand from stormy danielles, but that's his story, and he's sticking to it. is the president the reason why he's in deep yogurt, or is it

time for the celebrity ambulance chasing to pump the brakes? here to discuss, washington examiner political reporter joseph simonson. welcome to show, joe. he has made a couple of interesting claims here, the former democratic presidential front-runner, michael avenatti. he says that two of the president's republican colleagues told him that the president basically directed the law to sniff out avenatti and put him in jail for a long time. did he really say that? and what is his proof? >> yeah. it's interesting claim, it's also not necessarily how the district of new york works when they prosecute cases. but nonetheless, avenatti the told me in an interview yesterday that two republican men close to administration, close to president have told him this has, quote, trump's fingerprints all over it. i asked him to elaborate on what

he means by that, but he said he doesn't want to blow his source's cover. [laughter] kennedy: because he's making them up. and that would be problematic. it's really interesting, and people forget that he was seriously not only running for president, he was being seriously considered by the establishment and had members of hillary clinton's campaign team join his exploratory committee. that's unreal. >> yeah, no, it's a really important point. it's definitely important to bring up the fact that he got virtually unlimited media coverage during the height of his feud with the president. but what was really quite shocking or at least intriguing from a political angle is that these were serious people, part of the democratic establishment, who really believed this guy could be the nominee and should be the nominee for the next president of the united states on the democratic side. and, again, you know, it's easy to laugh at his downfall and stuff like that, but it kind of shows you maybe eight months, a year ago where the democratic

party was in terms of what they were thinking about for 2020. it wasn't bernie sanders, it wasn't joe biden. no, it was michael avenatti. kennedy: yeah, no, he was a seriously-considered candidate. and it's interesting because if there's one thing we can learn from the president's campaign missteps, it's you've got to do better vetting, or you end up with paul manafort and roger stone. how hard did you have to dig to uncover some of avenatti's shady business dealings? >> i actually think the corollary to trump campaign in 2016 is a really apt one when talking about the democrats' dance with michael avenatti. sure, it take a couple foia requests, it took some public record requests, digging around to find some of his business dealings, but it didn't take that much work in the same way that, perhaps, paul manafort, maybe this isn't the best guy to be the advising my presidential campaign. you kind of look at the guy and say, huh, what's really going on

here? you dig a little under the surface, and you say -- kennedy: oh, my goodness, yeah, there are a lot of bedbugs. joe, thank you for your time. >> thank you. kennedy: topical storm is next. wow, already. too many people in pain settle for

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brought a hooker to her house on thanksgiving. charlie's fans were shocked. they were the like, just one? pass the crazy, or don't. this is the topical storm. topic number one, we begin tonight in the midland, texas, where a cop is learning to cover his tracks. the good news is the deputy in this vehicle is perfectly fine. oh, that's not a helpful event. the bad news is he never made it to call he was responding to, and his boss is still pissed. he claims he got completely railroaded. may have a point this. long story short, never trust your gps, it's like a stripper inviting you to the champagne if room. sounds good, but it never works out for you in the end. midland police say the dinged-up deputy has returned to work, and they also announced the department is selling a used car in the mint condition. according to the ad, it was only used for training exercises. always check the car a fax.

car fax. if always. topic number two the, oh, look at that. the indianapolis 500, that's taking place this sunday, and the racers are starting to come out of their shells. oh, look at mitch mcconnell and mitch mcconnell. the indianapolis zoo's annual tortoise race has been going on for 40 years. technically, it's still the first race. they just haven't finished it yet. there was some controversy because the winner of the race was disqualified for interfering after officials watched the instant replay. that's a reference to kentucky derby scandal. for those of you who don't have a gambling problem like the guys on my staff. gambling in the champagne room. they're that much a group of degenerates. there was a minor incident at this year's turtle race because the winning turtle was accused of grabbing an opponent at the starting line. officials decided to let that one go because it's not a serious race, number one. and, number two, it was refreshing to see a front-runner grabbing people besides joe

biden. do turtles have clavicles? yeah. topic number three, ben and jerry's just released a secret vegan flavor. it's being sold exclusively at target. so if you're wondering why the lines are moving is so slow, it's because of all the vegans who feel the need to tell the cashiers they're vegan. i'm a vegan. chocolate salted and swirled. it's made with almond milk, making it the perfect treat for people who don't want dairy but still want man boobs. the 12th vegan-friendly pint from the connoisseurs, and it is fully vegan. a lot of people wonder what the difference between vegetarian and vegan is. it's actually pretty simple. vegetarians don't like meat. vegans don't like themselves. oh! the sweet treat went on sale today at targets around the country, and if you buy two pints, they'll throw in free tickets to in the weekend's big race. yeah, a lot of people think

turtles are the slow e things in the world, but if you think they're slow, you should follow beto on twitter. i can't stop flapping! topic number four. a florida fugitive was arrested in south carolina this week after the police found him inside a dishwasher. and the dishwasher's name was carlos. [laughter] that's not true. he was wanted for drug possession. needless to say, he did not make a clean getaway. oh! 47-year-old gavin got pretty beat up in the process aledly riding around on a trailer park on an unregistered moped. but from the looks of things, he probably thought it was a dragon. he looks like he hosts a cooking show called diners, dives and tide pods. police tried to pull him over, but he friday on foot and hid inside the dishwasher of a mobile home. in his defense, he did have a lot on his plate at the time.

white was busted, and cops say he was higher than the national debt under president bernie sanders. the fleeing felon was hit with multiple charges for possession and resisting arrest, and to make matters worse, he really flipped on the way to prison. ♪ here i go again on my own oh, that was sad. david coverdale. yeah, rest in peace. so glad to hear the cop driving the car okay, and i'm glad a seeing eye dog is fine too. quite a pair. speaking of which, here's topic number five. we've reached the part of the week where our legions of adoring fans tell us what they think of the show. and that always sucks, but it is time for viewer mail. cleat writes: you were so much hotter before i found out you were a libertarian. from sleet, the slack-jawed local. hinge key ass writes: you need a

psych evaluationing woman. -- evaluation, woman. jimmy john's and taco bell are popular in our area, and you are not funny just because you have the job on fox news. i do? mildly upset russian wraps it up with: you cra-cra. bae, we'll be right back. (phone rings) lisa jones! lisa: (on phone) hey carl, what are you charging me for online equity trades? (nervous chuckle) lisa: and do i get my fees back if i'm not happy? like a satisfaction guarantee? ugh. schwab! lisa: oh right, i'm calling schwab. thanks, carl! wait, lisa! lisa... are you getting low costs backed by a satisfaction guarantee? if not, talk to schwab. a modern approach to wealth management.

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kennedy fbn, e-mail kennedy fbn@fox if business.com. don't forget, i will be on the five tomorrow evening at 5:00 in the east, 2 in the west and again monday, have a beautiful, safe memorial weekend. love you always, good-bye. >> goo jarrett and for lou dobbs. nancy pelosi, chuck schumer and the radical dimms right out of control. president they said is involved in a cover. nancy pelosi says the president is begging for impeachment and that he needs an intervention. the president today fighting back against the venom being spewed by pelosi and the left saying that she has lost her mind. and the dimms of the do-nothing party. we take out the radical dimms