freedom of speech and how they really had to protect it. the bad news alan dershowitz came out with a piece today saying that this actually was organized by a group, i think, called the national lawyers' league which is a marxist organization that has now had protests, staged protests stanford, georgetown and yale. they are targeting every law school in the country. they are intent on shutting down diversity of opinion. and this is a scary thing, folks. sean: my cower went to chicago, free speech is not alive there there, and it's not alive in stanford -- [inaudible conversations] sean: thank you. dagen: kennedy, free speech. kennedy: fox business at night, this is a free speech zone. dagen: go, go, ucla, honey. you got your perks on. kennedy: yes. dagen: down with gonzaga! kennedy: this is the only time i will say them, when they play ucla, because my step cad went

there, bob, you know him, you love him, but tonight he's going to have some tears. is it a harmless time-wasting app? yes, or is it a toxic trojan horse that is poisoning our children and destroying our nation? perhaps. that is the central debate over what to do about tiktok. and if it is the latter, what do you do about that? today on capitol hill the ceo of tiktok tried the his handsome best to make the claim that the his platform is as harmless as a butterfly, kids. just a place to share wacky videos and funny skits but, manage oh merry, did he walk right into a bipartisan woodchipper. watch. >> big tech platforms profit immensely from keeping children addicted. they do not care about privacy, safety and health of our kids. they are the modern day tobacco and cigarette companies. >> why are you allowing tiktok to continue to have the capacity for censorship --

>> tiktok told us that you weren't tracking the geolocation of american citizens. you were. tiktok told us you weren't spying on journalists. you were. >> i have seen no evidence that the chinese government has access to that data. >> i find that, actually, preposterous to. you cam well know that you cannot protect the data and security of this committee or the 150 million users of your app. because it is an extension of the ccp. kennedy: blue lasers out her eyes. get it, girl. get request it, get it, girl. they a ain't buying what the ceo was cooking. they claim tiktok poisoning to our social fabric, but the ceo said tiktok is doing everything it can to make the app safe for everyone, you guys. >> we will keep safety, marley for teenagers, as a top the priority for us. number two, we will firewall protected u.s. data from unwanted foreign access. number three, tiktok will remain a place for free expression and will not be manipulated by any

government. [laughter] kennedy: that's fun. ing you know what he's doing with his other hand? -- [laughter] take a look at this chart. it is everything tiktok can track on your phone location. key strokes, your online activities, private messages, uh-oh. but here's the thing, loads of apps do that the very stuff, and the question now is should the feds single out tiktok? joining me tonight, republican congressman on the house energy and commerce committee, buddy carter. welcome back, sir. >> thank you. kennedy: were you swayed by tiktok's chairman, sir? >> i was swayed. i was swayed so much until now i have come to the realization that this is a threat to our national security. it's a threat to our children. to the youth who are using. this is psychological warfare by the communist party, by the chinese communist party, and it's waste against the youth of america. i i asked him a simple question,

the sister app in china, do they have a milk crate challenge? do they have a blackout challenge? do they have any of these other challenges that have resulted in the death of our children here in america? no. they don't have that. because they monitor it, and they make sure that that's not included. but here in america they cough it. this is -- do have it. this is psychological warfare by the chinese communist party against the youth of our country. kennedy: so why is tiktok so averse to having a u.s. buyer? you know, i know the chinese communist party has pushed back against that, and they don't want any federal interference with hair the app. with their app. but it's going to the, it has now reached critical mass with both parties. so is there any way tiktok can be saved for the 150 million people who use it? >> well, there is, and that is simply if the, if the parent company, if bytedance were to

have chinese communist party divest of all interest in that company, divest of all stock, of any kind of ownership in that company and it goes under the ownership of other people, americans, then okay. i'll be okay with it. but until that happens, i'm going to be voting in favor of banning tiktok altogether. no longer should the chinese communist party be practicing psychological warfare on our youth. and, you know, two-thirds of all the youth in america are on this app, and and they spend an average of 95 minutes a day on this app. that's a serious stat here. kennedy: yeah. i have two teenage girls at home, and i cannot believe how much time you can waste just looking at tiktok videos. but it's not justic the doc, you know? they are -- tiktok the, they are targeted by instagram, by snap chapt. there are plenty of american-based apps who have really destroyed the self-esteem and mental health especially of

teenage girls in this country. and it's hard for me to sit back and hear lawmakers say they're only going to police one app because of national security implications, but these other apps that are just as egregious, why do they get a pass? >> i do not dispute the fact that you make, that there are other apps that need to be cleaned up. that that's why we've got to crease 230, and we are -- address 230, and we are in the commerce committee and the communications and technology subcommittee that i serve as vice chair of. however, the difference between tiktok and these other apps is that tiktok is owned by the chinese communist party. listen, the chinese communist party is not our friend, they are not our adversary, they are our enemy. and until we realize that, we're going to suffer the consequences. they want to overtake us economically, they want to overtake us militarily. we cannot allow that to happen. kennedy: yeah. and they're doing it on tiktok

one dumb couple at a time, unfortunately -- dumb couple. -- dumb dumb at a time. we really have to be the filters for this stuff, and we have to have honest conferences and really -- conferences and really pay attention to the signs when they are being targeted. congressman carter, i agree with you there. thank you so much. >> thank you. kennedy: by the way, i do not like commies. never have, never will. it's in my blood. meanwhile, the qualitied says banning tiktok is so is racist. progressive congressman jamaal bowman defended the app yesterday while surrounded by a group of influencers. watch. >> why the hysteria and the panic and the targeting of tiktok? republicans in particular have been sowning the alarm -- sounding the alarm, creating a red scare around china. let's not be racist towards

china and express our xenophobia when it comes to tiktok. republicans ain't got no swag, that's why they want to ban tiktok. [laughter] republicans ain't got no swag, that's problem. kennedy: swagless. that's problem right there. does he realize the president, who is a member of the same party, also wants to ban the app? bowman went on to say the ban would also hurt millions of small businesses, but is the squad more concerned that a tiktok ban would make it harder to target young voters? here with me in studio, host of fox news across america, jimmy failla. >> here he is, bang, pow. kennedy: so glad you said jimmy -- >> who would have even known? what a missed opportunity by congressman bowman to not plug the restaurant the lobbyists took him too. you know the old saying, give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, that was embarrassing. it's racist,st it's anything in between.

everything you need to know in the hearing was when they said, are your kids on tiktok, and he was like, no. they don't have this in china. you know what it reminded me of for real, it reminded me back in the day when i was on a sketchy podcast and they would be plugging vitamin, i think i'm going to ache those, no, no, no you don't take those. and then his three-eyed producer would walk by. very sketchy. tiktok is a scam, as we know. i'm with you, though, for calling out the fact that these other apps are waging war on our youth. as we know, we both have kids. and i think we are a little derelict in our duty to protecting kids with the damage done by instagram and everything else. but that being said, what china is doing is specifically nefarious, because they don't have this version of tiktok -- kennedy: they're not hiding it. they've got a 50-year plan. >> if you read the user agreement on tiktok, which no one reads it, you just click i agree because you want to yes, sir the your cat up as yoda. kennedy: i don't have a cat.

>> well, you won't, but other people will. but i actually think beyond stealing your data, they can do anything, we can put a cigarette out on your mom -- kennedy: they steal your biometrics, your facial and voice likeness, so they can break into anything that you us- >> anything. your contacts -- kennedy: you it's completely safe -- >> they can take your messages on other apps. when i read that, i pulled out a gun and took the person next to me hostage. like, i got problems. i'm kidding. but i do think on a superficial level too, i actually think china is punking us on some level in that they're probably showing this on t in prime time as comedy. look at americans dancing in their kitchens again. twenty years ago would you have shot a video of yourself lip sin bing -- kennedy: yep, absolutely. >> well, you would -- [laughter] anyone at home? the answer is, no. kennedy: america's funniest videos. this is just a chance for everyone to be famous. >> we're winning beijing's

funniest videos right now, and we don't even know it. kennedy: so i was on 48th street for st. patrick's day last friday interviewing drunk people, and one guy was, like, what are you drinking? he was, like, borg. i'm, like, is that an energy drink? the it's blackout something -- >> it's a tictac -- kennedy: blackout rage gallon. >> it's a tiktok drink, it's supposed the slow you down the over time -- kennedy: because they're also got lek -- electrolytes. obviously, one child death is audiotape the, but i read the kool-aid challenge where you just run through a fence like you're kool-aid. tiktok can disappear tomorrow, that kid is still going to have problems. kennedy: he's still going to have tet the us in. [laughter] and where you put burt's bees on your lip ares and eyes, people are going blind from this.

darwin award. >> that's what i mean! remove tiktok. kennedy: maybe you'll have a harder time mating if you're blind -- >> maybe they're thinning out the herd. maybe. kennedy: could be. maybe they're doing us a favor. >> yeah. i wouldn't be alive if tiktok was around when i was 18 -- kenmen absolutely no way. if i had access, any sort of a challenge, like go climb that greasy water tower -- >> dead. i just love their ceo, really quick, he knows jig is up, he was doing where the guy knows the woman's leaving, so he's make big promises. oh, baby, we are going to -- kennedy: jewelry store. >> i'm gonna protect your data, baby. kennedy: jimmy failla. >> miss you already. see you on tiktok. kennedy: be sure to grab tickets to fox's naughty stepchildren, incompetent to thes for the first shows on sale now, reading, pennsylvania, clear water, florida, lexington, kentucky. come to the opera house, change your life. coming up, the grand jury

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kennedy: another day, another delay in the manhattan grand jury probe into former president trump's hush money payment to a porn star. what on earth are they waiting for? d.a. alvin bragg now refusing to cooperate with house republicans in a letter calling on him to testify. instead, bragg is accusing the gop of acting on trump's behalf saying, quote: the letter only came after donald trump created a false expectation that he would be arrested the next day, and his lawyers reportedly urged you to the intervene. now the earliest we could see a trump indictment, maybe monday. so what in the wide world of sports is going on in the department a.'s office? joining me now to discuss, former assistant u.s. attorney kevin o'brien. welcome, ken o'brien. >> thank you, kennedy. kennedy: what's your hot take here? why is there so much mystery surrounding this? so one possibility is some of the other jurisdictions who are also seeking criminal

indictments against the former president are telling the new york city d.a. to pump the brakes because they have better cases where they are, and if he goes first and if he screws up, it could jeopardize prosecutions for them. what say you? >> that would be hard to visualize, kennedy. these offices tend to to operate incompetently. certainly, the -- independently. certainly, the d.a. in manhattan has no loyalty or obligation to the d.a. in atlanta, nor because the he have any relationship or any loyalty whatsoever to the department of justice in washington d.c. they're totally separate jurisdictions. kennedy: they're separate jurisdictions -- >> but it does seem likely -- correct. i'm sorry, you go ahead request. kennedy: no, you go ahead, because i want to listen to you because you're very smart. [laughter] >> it does seem likely that they're not done. we know there's a grand jury, by all accounts, we know it's looking at at least the stormy

daniels part of their earlier investigation. and we know they're serious. we don't know whether or not they're actually going to ask the grand jurors to vote an indictment. or if so, when that might happen. the tuesday the panic was a creation of mr. trump who said last weekend he was going to be arrested on tuesday. kennedy: yeah. because they meet mondays, wednesdays and thursdays, so he just assumed with all the activity they would meet. now, we are hearing that the former president has asked the d.a. to put handcuffs on him. [laughter] do you think that's going to happen? and what is the political motivation for the former president wanting something like that? >> well, the information i'm hearing is that lawyers have reached out to arrange for mr. trump to surrender voluntarily. so there won't be a scene like that. kennedy: no person walk? >> if he wants it otherwise, he can probably have it.

finish it's not a very pleasant experience, i can tell you that. kennedy: have you been arrested? >> i have not -- [laughter] but i've been with people who have, and it's a difficult process, and it's a difficult day. surrender with the auspices of your lawyer is a much better course. kennedy: so what happens then? does he get booked, fingerprinted, little orange jump suit? >> exact -- you'd skip. the jump suit, probably. but, yes, the regular booking, fingerprinting -- kennedy: mug shot? >> processing, a mug shot and then there's a hearing before the judge at what's called an arraignment. that's the first appearance. and the most important item there is bail has to be set. now, we're told that the d.a. has worked out in advance a bail arrangement for mr. trump under which he would be released under his own recognizance.

kennedy: oh, that's dangerous. >> we don't know if that's true, but's the story we're hearing. kennedy: he's going to head to mar-a-lago, and he's going to she secede from florida and the union where he will finally be president again over his own domain. [laughter] what do you think the chances are this indictment goes next week, if you're a betting man? >> all signs are it will go next week. obviously, i don't have any kind of inside scoop on that. but based on everything i'm hearing, they're just about ready to go. they had to call another witness, we don't know who that was, earlier in the week that accounts for at least part of the clay. who knows -- the delay. who knows -- kennedy: i hope it was omarosa or michael avenatti, just to make it a little weirder. kevin, thank you for your are time the, i appreciate it. >> my pleasure. kennedy: talk to you again, thank you. well, the biden family also has some legal problems. turns out hunter might have had a bit of a mole in the fbi to help him out. talk about corruption. the party panel, they're

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♪ i can't go for that. ♪ no can co♪ kennedy: that's right. just when you thought the hunter biden probe -- [laughter] couldn't get any weirder, listen to this juicy little chestnut. hunter apparently had a mole in the fbi. named one eye. to tick off chinese business partners about any federal investigations according to an israeli energy expert. the the house oversight committee now investigating those explosive claims. i don't know why i'm yelling, sorry. i'm not mad at you. the white house says accusation ises about hunter's shady deals are nothing but lies. >> reporter: house oversight says they've got bank records showing a chinese energy company paying three biden family members through a third party. what were they paid for?

>> look, i'm just not going to respond to that from here. look, we have heard from house republicans for years and years and years how, the inaccuracies and is lies when it comes to this issue. and i don't even know where to given to even answer that question because, again, it's been lies and lies and inaccuracy for the past couple years, and i'm just not going to the get into it from here. kennedy: but what about the truthful part? that millions of collars went to the biden -- of dollars went to the bidens' checking accounts? now new e-mails from 2015 show that then-vice president biden's office tried to squash a news story about hunter. so with all this smoke, is there any fire? joining me now in studio, it's our party panel, joe desouth korea toe, there he is -- devito, fox nation host. he's got a new special, who is

gwyneth paltrow, abby hornacek, and author of how to become a federal criminal, that is your how-to the guide you need right now, it's mike chase. welcome, everybody. i did a podcast about gwyneth pal row the, kennedy saves the world, so you and i are in lockstep, madam. >> i can't wait to listen to that. i have yet to film mine, it's tomorrow, so if you have any tips more -- for me -- [laughter] kennedy: mike, here we go. it's hunter biden,st the an israeli defense force's lieutenant who's, like, i tried to tell the federal government in 2019 all of this stuff, and he recently got arrested for gun running. he said i'm totally innocent, they're just getting back at me. what do you believe? >> i think it's the worst bond movie i've ever seen. you've got one eye, israeli arms dealers, you've got hard drives, all that a kind of stuff. look, on this you have the whole narrative here has been there's nothing here, this is a big nothing burger. well, there's no lap too

manytop, it's misinformation. okay, there is a laptop the, but the hard drive's inaccurate. okay, well, the hard drive's accurate, but this has nothing another with joe biden. look, if it has nothing to do with you, you don't spend a bunch of time and resources in your campaign saying we're not going to cover this story, you need to spike this story now. and this is first indication that this is going to find its way back to the president, it's only a matter of time. ken yeah. and they've been spiking stories since joe biden was a lesser known senator from key. they're still doing that. does that surprise you? >> not at all. i think hunter biden might have read your book. but, yeah, when you really think about this and you think about, you know, "the new york post" is reporting that this gentleman who is making these claims is former idf, lieutenant colonel, he has deep intelligence ties many d.c. and in beijing, if those claims are correct, in that's very damning evidence. but you go, oh, we've had a lot of damning evidence already, right? if this in terms of karine jean-pierre, i wouldn't want her

job. she's probably going, i don't know what to say anymore -- kennedy: i i think anyone in the world would be better at it. >> well, that is true. kennedy: and, i mean, will have been some doozies, but she's the worst press secretary i've ever seen. she's, like, i'm not even going to talk about that. [laughter] you know, there's so many lies. let's often the truthful part. and i'm shocked by her. and one eye sounds like what hunter biden would call his babymaker in the champagne -- >> yeah, one-eyed mole? i don't like the sound of that. and like you said, this being the worst spy movie ever that these characters coming up that, well, or patrick ho was the name, and if there's anyone who knows about hos, it would be hunter biden. [laughter] internationally, people from china are sending him money, people from ukraine -- what is his qualification other than being face down on a bed in a motel six? what is the skill set that hunter biden brings to your board of directors? that's the question that -- kennedy: little, tiny weasel

crack teeth that we got to see on the laptop. i can't unsee those. >> i think it's the part that comes at the end of his name, the part that says biden. kennedy: that's absolutely true. but how is that okay? st not okay. and then people go, well, jared kushner made deals. jared kushnerer in was making deals before he met anyone with the last name trump. his last name's not even trump. there's no direct comparison. i keep saying if that were my child, i would, i would have a minder, i would have a back backpack, like a monkey backpack with a little leash tail so someone could follow him around all the time to that make sure that he didn't except strippers pregnant and didn't get millions of dollars from the communist chinese. i wouldn't be, like, oh, i don't want to interfere. you should have interfered in his life because he's troubled. now speaking of crooks, car theft is soaring across the country, and lawmakers agree it's the car's fault. the car was asking for it. 23 states' attorneys general are

putting the blame on kia and hyundai, they say their cars are too easy to steal. this as viral tiktok -- see, tiktok videos -- show carjackers how to override security systems. the state's a.g. said many a letter, quote: our concerns with the adequacy of the newly-announced measures are lack of acceptance of responsibly for the crisis of the past few years. it is well past time you take swift and comprehensive to remedy it, end quote. so why not go after the real culprit? criminals? that'd be good for your business, right, mike? >> yeah. i think they should continue to go after the criminals because, you know, that keeps business booming. i like that. but, no, look, the bad guys in this situation, of course, are the people who are stealing the cars. i think that's not very controversial. but, you know, look, to do a very libertarian point, this is a place where the free market should make the decision. i don't think that government should be saying you're at fault

because you didn't make your cars theft-proof enough. you let the market decide do i want a cheap car that can be stolen easily, should i just invest the $30 in getting a club so that my car -- [laughter] kennedy: the club, yes. >> i mean, i don't like it when you have government enforcers coming in and saying, hey, i think the corporate deep pocket is the one that should bear the responsibility. kennedy: yeah. and, by the way, i would love to steal a car and then go before a judge and say, like, hey, man, i watched a tiktok video. [laughter] oh, i had no idea. oh, no, you're good. you're totally free. >> yeah. they say the word crisis in that letter, and the crisis is coming from the soft on crime policies, but it's also coming from the fact that videos of people being able to get past the security system in a car is going viral on tiktok. the i think what worries me about this more though is that insurance companies, some insurance companies i should say, are already saying they're not going to insure the older models of those cars, so where

because it stop hen? if you are a homeowner and some derange ared man burns your house up in flames, is the insurance company going to go, sorry, you should have used non-flammable material? kennedy: yeah, we can smell the asbestos there there here. how many cars have you stolen? somewhere not enough, to tell you the truth, because i'm a hyundai owner. kennedy: are you really? >> i don't mean to brag with. one of the reasons you buy a hyundai -- well, you buy it thinking, well, no one's going to steal this. it's a hyundai. so you think you have that built in -- kennedy: those are, like, the most stolen cars. >> they are because it's easier, and you make the point here that, yeah, if you want to cut down on broken windows, you could cover your car with lead. that's not really the problem. you have people breaking into cars, and you need to -- it's a typical leftist view of, well, the criminals just kind of cowhat they do, you have to live with that. and the answer is, you don't. if you have people who can enforce the law as they're written and as they should be enforced, your not talking

about, well, this car's too easy to steal. what you're saying is the person who steals these cars has to suffer con consequences -- kennedy: i got my car stolen about 13 years ago, lapd didn't even show is up. i don't think it's a crime anymore, i really don't. and, you know, that was before this insane crime wave with all over these democrat-led cities. but now in san francisco people, and philadelphia too, they leave their cars open, which i guess they have to charge them every morning and, you know, have aaa come and, oh, i'm sorry, i left my doors open all night, so the light was on, the battery's drainedded, but that's where we are in this society. >> the best anti-theft quite is a dead battery. kennedy: or a dead person in the driver's seat. >> it's great for the hov lanes. kennedy: very hard to move. but you're absolutely right. it's a little stinky. the panel is not going anywhere. why, you ask? it's game night. mike chase is here, as you can see. we're playing kennedy's court.

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[background sounds] kennedy: all rise. i think it's three, i don't know. here is tonight's edition of kennedy's court where if you do the crime, we'll have a good i'm. i'll read some crazy crime headlines. mike chase, our official defense attorney, is going to play defense attorney and try to get these crackpots out of the clink. joe and abby will act as jury and explain why they think the suspect is guilty or not guilty. as judge, i deliver the final verdict and sentencing. the court is now in session. are you ready for case number one, mike? >> yes, your honor. kennedy: mississippi man bites off man's nose during an argument over a golf game. mark wells had been fighting with another man about a golf

game they played previously when he bit off the victim's nose and fled the scene. the nose was never recovered. mark is facing up to seven years for felony mayhem. >> ladies and gentlemen of the jury, what was he doing with his nose that close to somebody's mouth, okay? i think this is a self-defense case. if you put the tip of your nose that close to somebody's mouth, i think you are asking for it. it's kind of like the stand your ground rule only a little more up close and personal. kennedy: stand your nose. >> stand your nose, stand your mouth, whoevers. but i think golf desperately needs this kind of excitement, so i think they're bring something fresh and exciting, i think he should be acquitted for that reason. kennedy: yeah, i think liv golf is going to have that instead of sudden death can. abby, guilty or innocent? >> maybe the guy was just smelling him because he smelled good, i think he's guilty. you don't have to defend yourself if someone's sniffing you, that's your own fault. kennedy: ask vice president joe biden. >> exactly.

[laughter] >> i think if we had to go to the precedent of mississippi's sniff your ground law. the question to me is when he bit the nose off, was it to spite his face? [laughter] that's what this case things on. kennedy: it really does. is so guilty or not guilty? >> i'm going to say guilty with a good excuse. kennedy: all right. so he is guilty, mike. and he has to have his own nose removed. >> i can't win 'em all. kennedy: and he has to live like that, and he does not get to own a chimp. so there you go. that's case number one. that's done. in the books. case number two, michigan woman arrested for skipping items at wal-mart's self-checkout identified by a.i. 34-year-old teddy jo murray is accused of stealing more than $1,000 worth of goods from walmart if over a period of months by skipping items during the shell checkout process. she was caught by the company's a.i. loss prevention system which retraced her entire history of theft. she's charged with first-cree retail fraud.

>> i'm excited about this case. this is an easy says because every person in that jury box, right, they're mad for the same reason that i am. this supermarket chain got rid of cashiers because they were trying to save money, but they spent all this money on a fancy a.i. system that could then track this person down? i'm sorry, i think it's the empty chair defense. the supermarket should be on trial. it's their fault. kennedy: yeah. and no red light cameras. abby? guilty or not guilty? >> based a off of that letter we read earlier, it's probably the supermarket's fault just like it's the car company's fault, according to them, and it looks like she still has an item in that bun -- [laughter] so if it's that easy the steal, you can't blame the thief. kennedy: she has cockroaches in her beehive. they've eaten her brain. joe? >> i i say not guilty because you're obligated to flee the scene of any crime, and if a. i. can track any history you have at wal-mart, that's your own poor choices coming back, you should not have a walmart history. ken absolutely not. well said, she's not guilty.

good job, mike, you're 1-1. let's see if you can improve your odds with this. case number three, ohio mom arrested for allowing 10-year-old son to get a tattooed by a teenager. 34-year-old nicki dixon was charged with first-degree misdemeanor child endangerment for allowing a teenager to a tattoo her or 10-year-old because she was tired of him begging to get inked. the teenager videoed the session and posted it to facebook. it's not illegal to a tattoo a 10-year-old in ohio, police say the teenager's home did not meet necessary safety and sanitary conditions. the same teenager is accused of tattooing someone else who later contracted a staph infection. >> this is bureaucrats meddling in our private affairs again. it's a health and safety standard. what i'm going to do is i'm going to take this to trial, and i'm going to call all of this 10-year-old's classmates up. this is not child endangerment. he was probably the coolest kid in school. i'm going to have these other 10-year-olds testify about how awesome he looked with his new

ink. and this is not child encarriagement, this is the child enhancement, is my argument, so she gets the cool mom award. it's the cool mom defense. [laughter] kennedy: abby? >> i can't give my answer because i haven't seen a picture of the tattoo. i think this case needs to be thrown out. kennedy: it's a giant eagle on his neck, and then on his chest it says live free or die. >> that's one you u.s.ed -- used to have at ucla. kennedy: that's my boy! >> i think we throw this one out because, i agree, there's nothing more -- the only thing more bad ass than a 10-year-old with a tattoo and a 10-year-old with an infected a tattoo. kennedy: do we have time for one more? north carolina man loseses finger in an attemptedded burglary. he struggled with and fired a shot at the homeowner. the struggle ended when the homeowner slammed the front door on vernon's hand, he lost his finger with his glove, and

vernon -- police used finger to catch and charge vernon. >> okay, look, who's more courageous, the person who didn't complete a robbery or the person who chopped their finger off9 with the door? no harm, no foul, feed the finger to my client that ate the nose, and it's all fine. kennedy: abby, guilty, not guilty? >> i say guilty. kennedy: i say not guilty. kennedy: not guilty. well cone, everybody. a phenomenal kennedy's court, a nail-biter to the very end. thank you so much. topical storm is next. you heard me. ♪ why don't we steal away -- ♪ why don't we steal away into the night ♪

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zyrteeeec works hard at hour one and twice as hard when you take it again the next day. so betty can be the barcode beat conductor. ♪♪ go betty! let's be more than our allergies! zeize the day. kennedy: clarice. hi. a las vegas brothel known as the chicken ranch is offering free sex for life to the new raiders' quarterback jimmy garoppolo. it sounds ridiculous, but this might be the only time he gets decent protection. send in the punt team, this is the topical storm. topic number one, we begin tonight in seattle where local are businesses are underwater. the bad news is the can decommissioned tugboat sank for unknown reasons. the good news is there were no toxic liquids onboard because, hello, it's seattle. people leave their toxic liquids all over the sidewalk. the emerald city is a bit of a

fixer-upper these days, but if you're looking to party, the space needle is filled with heroin. authorities were forced to bring in an emergency crew to raise the beleaguered boat, but once they got everything or strapped on. us only took a few minutes to finish the job. just like my prom night. wink. yeah, we're happy to report that nobody was hurt, but local officials are calling it the city's biggest disaster since pete carroll decided to the pass at the goal line in super bowl xlix. don't come at me, seahawk fan, i'm just here so i don't get fined. and for the record, i was going to tell a nirvana joke, but i said never mind. [laughter] topic number two. we now head to the detroit metro airport where customs officials captured six endangered african snails. now, to be clear, they are not on verge of going extinction -- extinct, but they're considered in danger because they're in detroit. [laughter]

no, this is not the trailer for a low budget sam jackson spin-off called snails on a plane. someone wrote that script, but the action scenes were too slow. the real story is the passenger reportedly arrived from ghana with six snails in her luggage. tsa did not buy her claim that they were motional support -- emotional support sales. their massive appetites make them one of the most dangerous parasites in the world behind only nancy pelosi. the department of agriculture says these snack-happy snails can eat the stucco and plaster right off a house, and they can't let that go on because, heaven forbid, snails were to eat an entire four-bedroom house in detroit, that sure would set someone back a whole $35. no criminal charges were brought. in the end, the tsa did confiscate the woman's luggage after an agent said, quote, i'm tired of these mother f-ing snails on this mother f-ing plane! aren't we all? topic number three.

let's head to the land of misfit toys to a place we call florida. a man was arrested for hitting his girlfriend with a slice of pizza. apparently, she didn't want to share his bread sticks. what? if you're picking up what i'm putting down in the come knows delivery van, whoo! police say the 39-year-old allegedly struck the his live-in girlfriend with a slice of thin crust pizza, but it's going to cost him a lot of dough. it started after she reportedly touched the buttocks of a male friend who was visiting their house. sounds harmless. at which point he threw the slice with at her with sauce splattered on the windows and the walls -- wow, to the windows, to the walls. sounds like lyrics to a lil' jon song. to keep in pizza parlance, the pied piper was arrested at the scene, but likely for him, it took cops more than 30 minutes

to arrive, so his bail was free. that's not true, they set bail at $500, but the cops will throw in a 2-liter of pepsi for an extra $5.99. don't stop the pizza pun if before someone accuses me of hitting the sauce. topic number four. speaking of which, it's her city thursday, and kill this -- thirsty thursday. a german brewery has created a powderedded beer mix, you know, because with heaven forbid you wind up more than 6 feet from a liquid beer tap in germany. which is mathematically impossible. when it comes to problem drinking, germany is at a nein on a scale of one to my staff. the brewery invented a powder which makes it same way a person would mean instant coffee in a hotel room meaning you wake up, make sure the hooker didn't steal your watch, put on some pants and then mix powder with water. just kidding, nobody puts pants on when they make coffee in the

hotel. the company is aiming to reduce the heavy carbon footprint from exporting liquid beer by allowing it to travel in a much lighter form. unfortunately, nobody wants to drink climate-friendly beer. it defeats the whole point of getting drunk which is to stop listening to climate crazies lecture you on how you're killing the world. thanks, al gore. if you're wondering, the powder pushers are also making a nonalcoholic beer for those of you co-- who don't get drunk and still pee all night. yeah, something tells me this captain might have had a liquid lunch himself. all right. topic number five. our show's most passionate fans have once again voiced their opinions. but you probably couldn't hear them through the prison glass, so allow me to the pick up the phone and translate are. it's time for viewer mail.

nash starts us off with @kennedynation, you are an awful example for a young woman. yeah, nash, but i am a great example for a young man. i'll see you after the show. kathy writes in: you're a very negative person. you must be a leftist dem. this is from -- she thought i was jessica tarlov category. there are constant betweens who think they see me op on the five like, you really like president biden. you're awful. jane tweets, @kennedynation, why do you always scream with the mic on? because i like to rock, yeah! whoo! by the way, it was yacht rock night. pat leaves us with, the old kennedy was a thoughtful, cool woman. now she is a complete failure at comedy. your balls are a failure, pat. thanks so much for watching the best hour of your day. follow me on twitter and instagram @kennedynation, e-mail kennedy foxbusiness.com.

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