side affects are waking up without your pants. and it may lead to severe abdominal pain and death. let's go to andy levy for a pre game report 1234* what's coming up on tonight's show? >> play that funk emu sick, white america. -- funky music, america. you are the real threat. and a high school can't punish students for racy slumber party photos they posted on-line. you will keep watching to see if we have the photos and then get mad because we don't. and he gets in trouble for saying wee-wee on a plane. happy men's grooming day, greg. >> this is a subject that is dear to my heart, andy. >> because you spend a lot of time grooming yourself? >> no, i spend a lot of places where men groom themselves. i am a grooming coach. >> i don't know where you find your time doing your two tv shows and charity work. >> male grooming is something i spend time doing. i spend time teaching young

men overseas the proper way to manicure the perfect love patch. >> that's where we first met. i i was doing work for uncle sam in the congo and you came in with a shaving brush and a dream. >> we will always have that, andy. even as we grow so far apart, you with your band and me with my garden. >> i thought you had the band and i had the garden. >> it is like we don't even know ourselves anymore. >> we don't know ourselves anymore. >> so true. let's welcome our guests. she has got more curves than a wiffle ball world series. and he is so sharp he belches darts. the senior editor of "the daily caller" and my repulsive sidekick, bill shultz. he shaved. how did i not notice that? and they call him the comedian's comedian. but enough about dane cook. sitting next to me, tom

shalou. don't smile. and it is our "new york times" correspondent, good to see you, pinch. >> today's sunday magazine preview is titled "the secret life of a rock dad" he tries to acknowledge his past with his children. rock dad, how creator of the devil's music should be allowed to create children is beyond me. back in my day kids listened to soothing sounds of the breeze. the rythmic clip clop of a horse-and-buggy and if they were lucky, a traveling minstral's loot. >> that was touching. >> it is. would you like to touch me? i have a great sports section. >> that's okay. >> well i will be here if you need to go to the bathroom jie. is the face of terror kind of hot? sure, why not 1234* the department of homeland security, if that's their real name released another psa depicting terrorists as sexy white people.

check it out, check it outers. >> maybe you see something suspicious, but you don't want to get involved. it is nothing you think. can you be sure? >> if you see something, say something. report suspicious activity to local authorities. >> dhs chief janet napolitano unveiled a video along with a statement that suggests gun stores could be a breeding ground for terrorists. they refered to a case where, quote, the owner of a gun store called authorities when an individual in a store was behaving in a suspicious manner. they had a psa that depicted whites causing frights. so are they doing the right

thing as portraying bombers as regulars fro desperate housewives? or are they doing it to cover their butt? when i have trouble answering a question, i check in with vigilante kitten. >> i should have said ving -- ving lant kitty and not vigilante. >> no one noticed. >> tom, good to see you dressed up. you are a commercial actor, a successful one. will you now addition for the terrorist part knowing that they would hire you because you look like a terrorist? >> i want to get into this market. that's what i thought when i was watching this. i think you missed the . you don't understand. they were not white americans. they were aliens from the tv show "the event. -- "the event." did you see that? >> no.

>> so they are from a different planet. you have to watch out for them. >> that's an interesting fact. why does the dhs have it out for white middle class americans? >> there is obviously a political point to be made. us law mick terrorism is the number one -- islamic terrorism is the number one threat. i have not seen many, but i think the larger point is, who is watching these ads? the first is nine minutes long? who is sitting through this terrible acting. i don't think you want to addition for these. >> you haven't seen the acting. why are they spending money on this in the first place? >> i don't know. >> i think they know shows like us play the ad and 30, 40 million people watches "red eye" -- >> more than that. >> that's true. so maybe it is a strategy of smart strategy. >> it is amazing, but every film director and commercial

director paints the bad guy as the guy. the fact is there everyone indicted on charges has been a middle eastern, middle aged islamic terrorist man. that is who we are looking for and call a spade a spade, and look for them. if a terrorist was a blonde haired blue eyed girl i would say, screen me and check me from head to toe. i am okay with that. >> they are not all middle aged. some are young. most are young. once you are middle aged -- >> middle aged runs with middle eastern. >> in fairness, there is some threat from noneasy law mist terrorist -- i had law mick terrorists -- islamic terrorists. but for things that can devastate a city, there is only one group coming after us and that is coming from islamics. >> bill now that you shaved your beard you look more like a terrorist.

how ironic is that? >> there is an argument for this, and i think you made this argument last time you were on, but it could have been somebody else. the reason you don't use white actors is you don't concentrate on the ethnicity. you concentrate on the acts they are performing. >> i didn't say ethnicity. >> you like the sill labelles. they made it even harder to say. >> what was i supposed to say? >> ethnicity. >> they never would have noticed. >> what was i supposed to concentrate on that thing? what happened there? i saw a lady leave a cab and a guy on his cell phone and a lady in the train station. that was the most con vow luted -- con vow lewded and weird looking -- i am not saying nothing. >> it was like the beginning of a made for tv h-usa movie

that is not as good as 24. >> have i no idea what is going on there. a soft core porn movie. the next thing is they are all in the hotel. >> and you know what they should say? don't call the police. if you see something, say something to the guy. it is the white guy who leaves the bag on the train, that's me. it has his sweat socks in it. >> but some say those are just as explosive because you don't clean them. it comes down to a fear of being labeled easy llama phobic. that's islamaphobia, phobia. >> it goes along with ethnicity. >> are you going to keep bringing that up? i do two shows a day, tom. i am tired. i have been talking about so much crap and sometimes, you know, i get a little tired. ethnicity. >> the bors part they did an

entire block on things that were cur pew flew us with. and greg freaked out. >> surpuflousous. >> are you ruining it. from spotting terror to inciting is. on wednesday an intelligence organization announced some on-line extremists, not him, who goes by al biz raw he has vowed to silence david letterman in the bloodiest of ways. the site was pissed about the host's june 8th comment on an al-qaeda leader's death by drone. he wrote of the offensive gesture, quote, letterman put his hand on his neck and demonstrated the way of slaughter. is there not among you a uh seed almari to cut the tongue of this lowly jew and shut it forever. in there he was refer together

murder of the jewish defense league founder and not our 12th president with the same name. cbs has bravely killed the surroundings of any and all offenses. take a look, infidels. >> i'm sorry, i guess we didn't have that tape. that was more enjoyable and lots more funnier. what is wrong? should letterman be worried? these guys are different than other people who lodge threats. they follow through a lot. >> there is no question. >> when i first heard about this, they reen dited the letterman wharf 2009. she fits the dhs profile. 1k3* that's what i initially

thought. when you make fun of christians and jews, you might get protests outside and maybe a prayer group forms to pray for your soul. when you make fun of islam or draw a picture of the profit you get a target on your back. the mass muslims have not enacted on this threat. it is a serious threat that needs to be taken seriously. i hope letterman doesn't back down on taking whatever issue he wants to take on including islam. that would be a loss for america's free speech and a win for jay leno. >> you raise a good point. david letterman doesn't do that kind of comedy. that's the weird thing about it. he is not edgy. he is not "south park." i never have seen him say anything that would be like seen as dangerous. his targets are sarah palin. >> and stupid pets. they had it coming. >> because they are stupid. >> what about letterman though? these people are always coming after letterman. >> yeah, that crazy stalker.

>> nobody goes after jimmy kimmle, have they? >> neither have been sleeping with their interns. that's why there is no stalker. >> there is a strange kind of karma. here is the thing, kailey, cbs has taken this stuff and scrubbed the web. t shouldn't he go on tv and mock it? >> absolutely. >> deal with this stuff with humor rather than hide it. >> definitely. he needs to be humorous in response. expose the hypersensitivity drawing on what you said. it is crazy. you do one thing and they are out to behead you. rather than apologizing he should absolutely go on. >> he is not going to apologize. they should talk about it. letterman is not jewish, but do fundamental lists assume everybody on tv is. >> i thought everyone assumed everyone on tv was. i fundamentally believe that. here is what he said -- they

scrubbed the internet and he said, quote, al-qaeda picked a successor to osama bin laden and his name was -- inpronounceable -- well he was blown up by an american drone. that's it. it wasn't even a joke. it was like a set up to a joke. it goes back to what he did here. this to them is like our middle finger. that's for you vacationers going to saudi arabia or maybe bahrain. don't wear turtle necks or necklaces. don't wear anything where you can get a neck itch and you lose your head. >> he made this sign. >> yeah, he did that when he was describing the drones. >> they chop the heads off. >> yes. >> here is the thing. is it possible that this is a good sign in the sense that it is desperation? they are no longer -- they are now targeting our saw -- celebrities as opposed to our

thousands of people? does that mean they are running out of targets 1234* gio i don't like any of it because of the guy who got killed. it is a terrible thing. >> i said it was good because maybe they are running out of targets. i don't think it was a good thing. if i was his personal answer mat i would tell him not to try to make jokes about it. these guys are crazy and they go after people. >> and then you have lost the war. >> if i were his jeebs. >> he has a family now, and he has a son. maybe if it was just him in his bachelor days, he is putting himself out there. now he is putting his child and wife out there. >> but you are right. rail data is like, okay, our bombs are not working and get on tmz. that will get us press. >> and it got on "red eye."

it worked with them, and they are probably very happy. >> you are welcome al-qaeda's pebble cyst. do you get the e-mail 1234* they don't watch our show. >> they pitch the guest we don't need. >> we don't speak arabic, we won't read the book. >> back to school stuff. >> ours is bigger. >> have i one addition to what you shouldn't wear is probably a jewish star around your neck. >> can we scrub that? >> now we have to edit like three times. from host attacks to knapsacks. sour back to school list, socialist, that's the gist. the atlantic journal constitution reports the amount of crap parents have to buy their brats is expanding. and some teachers are putting the supplies into a common pool for students to share. just kidding. this radio show calls it a

conspiracy with, quote, a tolerance control of property rights. one parent said "don't buy your child the spider-man folder. he will not be able to use it. this is the end of the world. what is the point, the shared ballpoint? kids won't fine over pens and they won't be responsible for outfiting students who can't or won't send school supplies. now let's go to dog upgrade of lime. >> got nothing. >> it was amazing video. kailey, anything wrong with

sharing? they say it is because teachers have to open their wallets. is that really the case? is there something worse going on here that we realize? >> it is socialist, communist conspiracy. i would be angry if i was my little kindergarten s le f and -- self, and i had myron nald reagan folder. no, you can't -- you feel bad for the little kid who can't afford the folder. >> i would feel bad for that kid. it would be hard to have a really, really hot mom. they don't care about your trapper keeper. they look at your mom. >> good point. i was transitioning to you. the thing is about the communal school supplies. some say it is a communist plot and obama should be impeached. in fact, you said that in the green room. >> it is true, i bought these packages. my daughter is going into kindergarten. i bought paper towels, hand

sanitizer, paper, glue and i thought they were crazy, but the people's history of the united states. >> jaime what do you make of this? >> we don't have h many rules but there is one rule we can't violate and that is the office will not give us pens at all. we have to scaff vefng for them and steel them. it makes us stronger. but it is a good solution to this. don't have them buy things. have them find things. it will make them stronger and healthier. >> bill, here is the thing. i love shopping for school stuff. it was the best part about school. it was like the end of august. there was a long aisle at long's drugs or pay less and you a had colorful stuff. now it is towels and hand sanitizers. >> what is wrong with you?

that was the worst shopping experience of my life around august 15th, i would stay up until four so it wouldn't come. that's how much i dreaded school. >> that's because you were often bullied by me. >> using the stuff you bought. >> coming up, how many dogs can you fee with one liberal carcass? kailey discusses her new pet cook book. what's up for fans of fish. i have two locked up in my basent in. i must remember to feed them. rock on, guys.

could you be punished at school for making boys drool? no says the greatest judge ever? we start with two indiana high school girls taking pictures of themselveses and posing in

sexually suggestive positions while having a slumber party simulating sex with lollipops and toy try dents. they posted the pics on facebook and myspace and somebody prirchted them out -- printed them out and sent them to the high school principal who suspended them from all curricular activities for the year. this gots the aclu involved and they helped the girls sue the school. a federal district court judge ruled the principal violated the girls' constitutional right to free speech and schools can't discipline students for out of cool conduct that brings dishonor or discredit for the school. one alum is trying to restore the school's honor.

>> you think that is cool, but that's the only way he can eat. it is terrible. the irony is he hates juggling. he really hates juggling. but he loves to eat. when you put sthos two things together, you have a man in a private hell. do you agree with the judge's decision. >> no, i don't. i think it is bad, but they need to be punished by the parents. what i will say is if this were at a private school they would be expelled. we went to a private school and one was kicked out for unnecessary facial hair. i agree with the judge on this. >> you greaty? they think they should be punished, but not by the school? >> correct. this is the word thing. that means nothing you do outside of cool can get you in trouble by the school.

>> this was during the summer. if it was private school i can see them expeling them, but it is public school. it is a free speech issue that they have to punishment. the creepest act is the principal is saying, oh yeah, we have to suspend these girltion as clicked through all of the pictures. >> we don't fwhoa they -- we don't know they were clicking. tom, here is the thing, actually you bring up a good . . the girls have a right to post these pictures. which if you look the at them you probably never d tnt that weird? it is like they are setting a trap. >> and you deserve to go to jail. >> you go to facebook and friends of friends and sometimes they are teenage girls and you are navigating your way around it. >> it is a slippery slope. >> why? >> it is understand good.

no when i hear pundits saying it, i picture two girls sliding down with lollipops. >> the slippery slope thing, i am so tired of that word. now i will think of teenage girls sliding down the hill. does this validate everything that goes on in a slumber party 1234*. >> that and then some. i was they ever creative enough to take advantage of that. i was with the peanut butter and smores thing. i am a strict constitutionalist. this is exactly what our fore fathers fought for, greg. but then i shot -- i thought about it a little more because i am sad because i am not on facebook and i am not legally allowed to be there. >> it is more about a culture than the constitution. we have a screwed culture.

kids are doing a weird thing to weird age. frankly it makes me sick to my stomach. do you have a e-mail 1234* leave a voicemail at 212-462-50. still to come, the half time report from tv's andy levy. i was having a problem saying report. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by boris the pig, the swine from uh strail jaw who already lost weight. thanks, forest the pick.

welcome back. let's see if we got anything wrong so far. for that we go to andy levy. hi, andy. >> hi, greg, how are you? >> great. >> the new dhs, if you see something, say something. i think you said tsa made the psa, instead of dhs made the psa? >> did i? >> i am not even sure. i am correcting you in case you made the mistake so people didn't say, andy, you missed one. >> wouldn't it be funny if you corrected a mistake that didn't happen so they could e-mail you and say, that didn't happen? >> that would be great. i am told by our audio person that it did in fact happen jie. you do know tony is a huh itual liar. >> tony is a great, great man. and i am not sure if it is

fair to say it is a breeding ground for terrorists. and to make it clear she used the example of a gun owner near sfoart hood. >> that's true. and it is probably the wrong term terminology for that. >> tom, you suggested the people were not white americans, but they were aliens from the tv show "the event." spoiler alert? >> well, some of us have not seen the whole season yet. >> i didn't know they were aliens. i thought they were from the future. >> they looked like the aliens from the event. >> but now i know they were aliens, i don't care. >> unbelievable. >> jaime, i'm with you. nobody is watching these ads. the only security they are

hoping for is job security for somebody. i think also someone thought kids today, they watch a lot of these videos on youtube. we should make one of those. >> they hired terrible actors. they should get like the guy we saw earlier who jug -- juggles and eats. >> or justin timberlake. >> you know who will pick at them is the swarth actor's guild. >> i found one of them. >> i'm not sure it is still a guild. >> i was looking for one kind of sag and i got another one. >> bill, like you at first i couldn't tell what the hell was going on in this video. i think it is alerting us to the fact that white guys with through tooth earpieces are d-bags. >> i thought we learned that like five years ago. >> i thought we did too.

apparently they felt -- you know, maybe some people don't know. >> when we see something we are supposed to say, d-bag, and then go back our base. >> yes. >> now that was a good psa. >> greg, you said when he referenced him he meant the killer of the jewish defense league founder and not our 12th president with the same name? >> yes. >> i looked it up. our 12th president's name was zachary taylor. >> i never should have bought those dictionaries from the guy in the go garage sale. i don't think we have ever had a president to name him that name. i think i found where the confusion came from. he was not a well groomed man. his nickname was nose hair. it could be that. i don't know.

greg, you agreed -- kail law, you greatied with greg that you should talk about it and make fun of it. i am guessing maybe the fbi told them not to say anything. >> but humor is the best way to go. >> the fbi is well known for their sense of humor. >> of course, of course. we have mike baker. >> the g stands for giggles. >> who knew letterman was jewish? >> he is not jewish, actually. he is presbyterian. >> isn't that jewish? >> somebody needs to let the fanatics know that. >> i am letting them know now. >> i think they are anti-sametic. anyone who is in show business are jewish. >> isn't that what i said earlier? >> yes. you weren't watching. hurts my feelings. >> i was too busy researching

the history of our presidency, greg. >> kids have to buy their own school supplies or parents do. kelly, you really had a ronald reagan folder 1234*? >> yes, i said, mommy, please. i came out of the womb loving reagan. you can't change me. >> bill, you also love regan, but it is the regan in "the exer cyst." -- the exorcist." are you all right? >> that will help the throat. >> i know that now. >> don't you want school budgets cut? >> of course i do. where will it come from? >> i think they enough money to have. it we are throwing plenty of

money into all of this. take some of the money we are throwing into immediate daw square and immediate dak aide and put it in school buses. >> you want old people to die. >> no. >> you want old people to die and our nation's youth not to learn anything. >> you got me. >> i am kind of supportive of this. >> judge ruled the school can't punish gills for racy photos. >> i read the decision on this closey -- closely a number of times. >> are you thur -- thorough if not unthorough. >> nothing you can do will be replenished by the school. a school carrying disciplined students, if the speech is likely to cause substantial disruption, that's what the school argued, but the judge shot it down. >> do you think the founding fathers thought sexy photos

would be freedom of speech? >> yes. >> they are not even adults. >> you asked tom about the fact that it is somehow illegal to pose these pictures, but illegal if you looked at them. the court also ruled that because there is a first amendment reception, but because the photos didn't depict a sex act they didn't fit the benefit of child pornography. >> i don't know what you do with your loply pipes. >> the bigger question is what do you do with tried ones. >> how proud must these parents be to have two constitutional kids. >> what did they say? >> twats a free speech case. what did they say? it was a first amendment case.

>> coming up, what is it like to be yuck and handsome? i will interview myself after the break. first, what has anderson in such a tizzy? we just discovered water that is fizy. no more flat for him.

all right, he didn't leave a poo. that's the gist of a joke that made anderson giggle. i speak of cnn's dream boat, anderson cop who got a case of baby laughter during a segment about girard de pardo. the french actor is accused of urinating on the floor of a delayed flight from paris to dublin. so he got some laughs before completely losing it. >> all i can say is they should thank their lucky stars it was not depart2.

sorry. it made me giggle every time i read. it he hasn't commented on this incident. depart2. i not you got it. -- i know you got it. sorry. >> i have never heard that come out of anybody's mouth. >> saw a new side of him. >> yes, and we will discuss it in -- >> lightning roooooouuund. lightning round. >> jaime, would you care to

comment on any or all of this story? i don't have any questions. you can talk about girard or anderson cooper. at this point basically everything has been erased by the giggle. >> surprisingly he goes to somalia and he has the equivalent to an 8-year-old. when you gotta go, you gotta go. i wish i could tell you i might not have an accident during the show. i wish i could tell you that, but i would be lying if i did. >> what do you think of the de part 2 joke? >> if you watch the whole segment, it is all puns and they are all terrible, but that is the worst of them all. that set him off. it is an insight into the mind of addison cooper. >> that laughter is what you give an evil psycho past who is watching you like finger nails. >> it made me love anderson

cooper. >> should you go after him. >> oh, i will. i will change him. i will change him from his ways. >> he is single. he lives in my neighborhood. >> i originally thought it was bill's accident and then i found out what it was about. >> that's my point. that's what i love about this story. high -- he is legit myselfing and then we 1r* anderson. his sense of humaner is less sophisticated than mine. >> the real story is the story of girard departu. he was an actor who looks like herman munster and uglier. >> i don't know if he has ever been that cashing. i thought he looked like a hippie honus wagner. >> i am nodding as if i know who that is. >> he was a great player for

the pittsburgh pirates. his his face looked like a sack full of potatoes. >> you know what is great about that joke, after anybody is born after 1982 has no idea what you meant about that. >> over my head. >> there is a larger problem here. have you dominating strike that con, and now you have another french guy peaking on the plane. i think the french men may be more dangerous to airlines than radical easy law mist terrorists. >> they should make one line for them. can you imagine? it was a concert venue during a three-day fish concert over labor day. they are the band whose fans follow them all over the country. they say the city mayor, quote, it is not because we think fish followers are not

the best of people, but we want to avoid a challenge that may or may not come up. we are concerned about what is placed in the fountain. they are assuming the worst from these concert goers. >> and then they say, we are not assuming the worst. we are assuming the best, but then they don't give a real answer. obviously the fish fans will go into the fountain and wash up, i guess. >> i think it is code though. at a fish show, there are people who have no kuth. and they will do things in the fountain who are disgusting. >> the problem is the mayor said it wasn't for the fish concert. why doesn't he be honest? the fish will be high. if l are fountains to be swam in or bathed in, they are going to do it. the only good news for denver is there is no inkling that is gerard deparft2 will be there to help his supply.

>> i was upset about this. i frequented the mountain on saturday evenings. that sounds bad, but we hoped in the mountain so i would be upset if i was a fish fan. >> we will not confirm that. >> bill, you never shower, so three days is nothing. >> i tell you something. i went to high school in the early 90s in the midwest. so fish mans were the only girls we had. i hooked up with some of them. a lot of times they thought i was a fountain and every thing this guy said was accurate. >> time for another break. remember to check out the "red eye" pod cast. there is a new one every day. to catch them go to fox news. we talked about competition tonight.

well. it has been way too long. i haven't done squats in three weeks. but you didn't notice. for our super famous segment, see if you can tell which dog is more demonic.

>> i was going to say it was too close to call. but then it was like he lept across the finish line and says, no, i'm deet money. >> he was in the lead from the beginning. >> i thought the other dog, the little one had the quiet confidence of say tan. >> i was in the same position and i was going to have a cool phrase. but the first one, there is no question. >> kailey, what do you think? >> he is deceptive and playing it cool. yeah, he is the devil jie. this is a mistrial and the

chiuaua wins. the first was a vampire dog. they are two types of breeds. somebody will lose their job over this. i said specifically it would be a demon dog. >> i apologize to my pa. know your vampire dogs from your demon dogs. >> this is not like other fox shows where you can slip a vampire dog in and we won't notice. >> don'ts even think of coming here, vampire dogs. >> you know where we will be on tomorrow? >> no, it is not. we screwed up again. >> we will enjoy the kud oz we get. >> we will close things up with andy levy. to see clips of the shows go to foxnews.com/redeye.

i will see you back here at 5:00 p.m. eastern time. coming up tomorrow, return appearances from mike baker. time to go back to andy levy for the post game wrap up. >> we asked our viewers to tweet questions for our guests and it was a big mistake on our part. he wants to know what your favorite bar was for a good bender while going to school there. >> third edition, definitely. great little pub. >> some things never change. i used to go there in the 80s. >> it is still there. >> good place. >> they want to know if you are bitter you are never offered the leg chair. i guess that is a term you use in your show? >> have i proposed to the red eye -- have i proposed to the "red eye" guys the ab chair.

i would be able to show my rock hard core, muscles. the offer is on the table. >> i'm glad they used the correct terminology. >> unfortunately the offer is on the the only thing on the table. >> jaime, they want to know if you prefer a bow tie or some other form of restraint. >> he pie neared the bow tie for a whole generation of use. next he should go to the ascott. >> i like that. all right. >> back to you. >> is it really back to me? >> all right. well that, was a fun show. that's all have i to say. great having you here. >> bret: good evening. i'm bret baier. this is a fox news alert.