>> monica: somehow i doubt the obamas will have bill clinton over to eat vegetabl vegetables. >> eric: i think that was a nice thing to say about the first lady's -- i've seen the garden. doing well. >> bob: don't get carried away. you said one nice thing about obama. >> eric: that's it, everybody. leave it there. thank you for watching the "the five." see you tomorrow. great show. s . i'm greg gutfeld. the only talk show host with three convenient manhattan locations. it is in our new location. come for my grand open agent 3:00 a.m. on friday. i will have door prices -- prizes, but no door. andy, what is coming up on tonight's show? >> thanks, greg. and talk to the hand, america. our top story tonight, why are u.s. marines in afghanistan told they need to be silent, but deadly 1234* we'll explain

coming up. and a new study shows 80% of congress have no background in business or economics. the shocking story that couldn't be any less shocking. and finally, is alec baldwin a 9/11 truth -- truther? and what does it have to do with me. >> thank you, andy. >> happy kiss and make up, day. >> nice try. i am not falling for this one. >> don't know what you mean, greg. kiss and make up day is a great way to end fights, stop spats and finish feud. >> you think you could make up a day that says everything is all right and i will come back and watch the mad men box set while eating smores and doing each other's hair. how stupid do you think i am after what you did last april? >> wow, greg. this has nothing to do with that. i have already seen every episode of "mad men" and you need to think about what you did last february that made me do what i did in april. >> i knew you were going to bring up last february. that's what you do, andy. it is always about february. we went through this before. february wouldn't have

happened if you hadn't done what you did in december in the hotel fountain, no less, with my sponsor. >> and i suppose what happened in the fountain had nothing to do with november's hammock incident? that's convenient. >> what are you talking about? i don't own a hammock and i have never been in a hammock. >> so that wasn't you? >> no. >> i guess i made a mistake. >> as long as this is settled, then we can move on. >> happy kiss and make up day, greg. >> you got me. let's welcome our guest. she is so hot, you can use her abs as a waffle iron. i am here with brooke goldstein, founder of the children's rights institute and director of the law fair project, all made up entities. he is a lib who is more than glib, a lefty with hefty and a commi who doesn't cry for mommy. it is john devore. and his imaginary girlfriend broke off their engagement. it is my repulsive sidekick, bill shultz. and he is considered one of the funniest men in the nation, buts pauly shore was busy, so sitting next to me is

joe devito. and our "new york times" correspondent. good to sea -- to see you, pinch. >> pieces of an unmanned russian ship bound for the international spacestation fell in siberia amid an explosion. that was russian for, worry not my fellow comrades. twas a slight setback and mother moon will be ours for the taking. >> what is russian for you suck? >> there is no words for suck in russia, greg? curious because there is many a word for blow. >> only you would know that. >> a fun russian fact. >> i'm sure bill told you that fact. >> i don't know who this bill chap is, but he sounds like a wonderful rogue. >> where is it now a sin to break wind? where only the silent kind are allowed behind enemy lines?

marines in afghanistan have been banned from audibly breaking wind while off base. let me repeat that. marines at war can't release flach lensy against afghans. it offends them. and this order comes on top of a list of other rules given to marines while among the locals. shy says "they are not supposed 20* cuss because it could be misunderstood. that goes out the window a lot. and they stay away from talking about politics, religion and girls because it could lead to major disagreements. that makes sense to me. and meanwhile, we checked in with our military correspondent for his reaction. what's your take on all of this? >> my thoughts exactly, major.

>> is this a successful mission, banning breaking wind. i am manufacturing a lot of outrage. >> i can feel it. the heat is generating off of you. this is the problem with the middle eastern interventions. what is military and what is diplomacy and what is shooting people? but that has been the problem since the beginning. is it the military operation? nation building requires some kind of diplomacy. i'm serious. these guys are american heroes. >> yes. i mean, let me point out, we are talking about marines here. we are talking about the finest of all soldiers. they are not children. they are certainly not diplomats. and there is a line and it is a very fine line between maintaining good diplomatic relations and passing unrealistic restrictions.

this is pc army on overdrive. >> this is a slippery slope. first you band the breaking of wind and what's next? >> you can't make the slope slippery anymore. >> bill. maybe. >> i always thought human behavior at the most basic level is a uniting factor. if you remember the movie around the campfire -- >> "blazing saddles." >> thank you. what brought them together was the beans and the product of the beans which is the flach lens. why couldn't that be a uniting factor in afghanistan? >> it trans sends the language barrier. >> are you sure about that? i have never done comparison farting. >> every now and then a perfect "red eye" story comes along when you have to come combine puns and it is patriotic. i think what the marines should do is when they are in that situation do what i do is blame it on an explosive

device. >> it is a great story because of everything you just said and more. >> yes, i would like to work in bunker buster and the don't ask, don't smell policy. >> you bury your best joke. speaking of, bill here is the thing. >> i own the best joke. >> here is the bright side to all of this. these are great guys and you are putting them on stress because they have to hold it all in. but won't when they get home their wives and girlfriends be grateful? wow, who doesn't do this anymore, thank you afghanistan. >> are you listening to your theory? >> no. >> they are having this inside of them for four years, and then they go home to their wives and girlfriends? their hair will fall out. it has been dwelling inside of them.

the home will be condemned and the neighborhood burned down. >> when you hold it in it doesn't go to like a flach lens heaven. you go to flatulen nce heaven and you see all of the old farts that you have had. >> i remember that one from third grade. that was so embarassing, right next to susie. >> back to geo military strategy -- >> i think it is crazy. >> they don't like it when soldierstoot and we don't like it when they -- >> kill us. when they chop off people's hands. >> i won't plant one if you don't kill a woman. >> i can maybe live with that tradeoff. >> that's a fair tradeoff. >> we won't kill you if you stop breaking wind. >> have i been to afghanistan, and there are far more offensive smells on a daily basis that one encounters than

human -- >> corpses. >> when you have been to afghanistan? >> have i seen footage of afghanistan which is pretty much the same thing. i can tell you that's not the worst thing. from the military being smelly to our economic under belly. our -- are financial dopes putting our economy on the ropes? according to the employment policy institute, epi for the people in the know, eight out of 10 members of congress lack an academic background in business. explains michael saltsman, a fellow at the fiscally conservative think tank, quote, members are expected to provide for our country in crisis. but it appears many may have difficulty answering the questions. snap. you just got served members of congress. a poll of top economists pre disikt that the economic growth -- that the economic growth will be perceptible.

anyway, i know what you are thinking. how are these going in japan right now? >> they seem completely unaffected by the news. brooke, most congressmen are not like you -- well, they are like you. they are like you. are you a greedy lawyer. >> i have a high degree in some things. >> yes, but are you a lawyer. they are all lawyers. isn't that the problem? >> i think this study as reported, it wasn't about the background that congress people had. it was a lack of degrees. so it showed that they didn't have a degree in economics or business. but i agree that there is a difference between lacking a degree and actually having work experience.

i think this study was superficial. it should have analyzed the lack of work experience of the members of congress and their inability to deal with the economic issues. >> you are a smart lady. in a weird way you just endorsed herman cane. he is a guy that worked in the private sector. >> i always thought she was endorsing cocaine. >> i am not coming on this show again. farts, drugs, that's it. >> i want to ask you question. why should we expect a bunch of idiots who don't know what a5-ok is. >> the most popular background is in government. this is all a scam. they are just learning how to get themselves on this gravy train. a better background would be in test of strength. it is like the world's strongest man or even better they have to shovel -- for every dollar they add to our deficit, they have to shovel an actual pound of [bleep] and that will help them understand

what they are putting them through. >> he swore, but that's okay. it is interesting you talk 3w* majoring in government end anding up in government. it is like gender studies. people major in gender studies and what do they do? teach gender studies. there is no job for gender studies. it is a pointless major am i right? it is not really a question. just say right. is the economic malase going to be an economic down fall 1234*. >> whoa, where did that come from? >> absolutely. absolutely. and that's why the strategy of the gop from the beginning was to hobble and own the jobless message and the downturn economy message, to hobble him from the beginning, and that's the money in 2010. >> very patriotic. >> bill, you would know about patriotism you traitor.

>> how can the congress better educate themselves in all things dollar and cents. >> my recommendation for all of those idiots is to subscribe to the economists. now this is a delightful british-based magazine that speaks of all manner of economic intrigue throughout this great world. i am a subscriber and i don't understand anything. could not pronounce a word, but here is the thing. the cartoons are hilarious. >> the the great thing is once somebody finds out they will subscribe, they will try to up subscribe you. they will give you your money back for the last 10 years you subscribed. >> when somebody finds out? >> yes. >> it is funny you mentioned that because i spoke to somebody in pr and she never heard of "red eye" and she said she would get me a subscription. somehow she is linked to the show. awesome. thank you whoever you are. >> the other degree besides government is humanities. that was a major you pick so

you can drink all night and wake up hung over and miss classes. isn't that why people are bone heads? >> politicians? >> yes jie. i don't know. >> i don't know either. i am trying to figure out why republicans are so engorged over businessmen. >> it is the best measure of success. >> why would you want a ceo president? >> they know how to run things. >> no, they don't. i don't work for the president 679 -- i don't work for the president. >> half of your paycheck goes to the government. >> a ceo has employees. >> you are confusing employees with shareholders. >> i am not confusing that at all. a ceo is not necessarily the leader you want to elect. a ceo doesn't represent the people who get him there. >> the government works for you so surely you want somebody who is working for you to be the best at their job.

when they are talking about the economy we want business people with business experience running our economy. >> i want a leader with character who can make decisions based on all of the different -- >> like president obama. w45* a great job he has done. that was sarcasm. >> he doesn't want to get letters. >> i was enjoying the debate and i think there could be a title of the show. >> last question before i move on. here is the thing, we can sit here and we can blame these guys for not having an expertise in economics, but aren't we all guilty of this? the fact is most of us don't know crap about how an economy works. we never had a class in economic theory. >> speak for yourself. i am inning indicated. -- i am educated. i just want to throw this in

there. if we had people who knew what they were doing running this government, we wouldn't be spending hundreds of thousands of millions of dollars every year funding the u.n, a body that is completely not accountable to us. commissions run amuck and work against our interest. with this economic crisis, stop funding the u.n. >> i like that. the point i was going say is -- no, i agree with everything you said that i ignored. high school should have, and we said this before the show, real economic -- like theory. they have a thing called home-ec, it should be for real. give them a book and let them figure out what makes sense to them. >> who was the teacher in ferris bueller? ben stein. as a result ferris never went to that class. >> good point.

>> creationism is not a science. what will we teach in an economics class? >> you are insulting -- it is simple. the first time i read -- i got it. i am not the smartest tool in the shed. >> the way you teach this basic economics to kids, it is called getting a summer job. you learn you have made this much money, and you cannot spend more than you have brought in. it seems to be the economic lesson the people who are running our country were aware. >> because they haven't had a private job. >> they never had to deal with the consequences. if you take out more than you put in, it falls apart. >> that's the basic principal they have forgotten. >> then we should teach kids that businesses and small businesses require credit. you need credit. you need to borrow money to make money. >> that's why ferris left.

>> tonight on devore and devito, iny, miny, manslaughter after mcgiver. coming up, do pretty girls expect you to buy them a drink and then leave you alone? we discuss "get me the scotch." but first, who has alec baldwin been tweeting lately? hint, he is a jerk who works for the show and his name rhymes with candy weavey.

is he a truth youtruther or was he drinking vermuther? i speak of alec baldwin whose tweet may be gin soaked. baldwin received a tweet asking him, quote, what lie do you keep telling yourself is true?

he replied, that's a great question. and then minutes later he tweeted, do you think bin laden was behind 9/11? our own andy levy retweeted that with an uh-oh. and then a couple minutes later baldwin tweeted, what is amalgom veer go. that was a joint u.s.-canada exercise that focused on possible threats in american and canadian skies. never heard of it. according to some truthers it was an operational cover for america's attacks on 9/11. when levey saw that he retreated it adding, here we go. so does alec baldwin think the u.s. caused 9/11? on wednesday he said his question was in no way to cast out anything rerelated to 9/11. i guess he was just asking questions. it gets weirder. last night someone tweeted baldwin asking him, what goes

well with water? his response was water boarding andy levy. finally something we can all agree on. here is the first thing, brooke. i am amazed that baldwin actually endorses water boarding. i had no idea. >> i can't believe he knows who andy levy is. she an a list celebrity. come on. >> you will get it at half time. >> he is so handsome. he is sensational. he is also inflammatory and apparently this is what he does. he gets off all this controversy and that's what he does. he posts it on twiter and follow itself up with an explanation and he better have a good explanation. >> i agree with you. >> it is disrespectful. >> i love -- i think he is my favorite actor working right now. i watch his character and i can't get tired of it. i can forgive his whacko liberalism and i can forgive hisself righteousness, but i

could not forgive if he were a truther. i couldn't look at him the same. do you think he was just asking a question? >> either way, either he is a truther -- he is a celebrity. actors have feelings and they want to unleash those feelings. it was impulsive. his tweet was irresponsible. >> what do you make of his attack on andy levy? isn't that the real outrage here? >> i think the only way to settle this is to water board andy and settle this once and for all. i read his twitter feed and it is hard to steel what he was trying to say. there is something about the nature of twitter wear. sometimes answers to one thing come in -- was he saying this was a lie or a lie he was tired of hearing? >> or say he was doing a public opinion and had somebody put out a question after he had doneingmething and didn't realize it.

>> what goes well with water? >> you know what goes well with water? >> don't do it, kid. what you will get you won't do good with. it is gremlin style. >> i will ask a a question. how thin skinked is alec baldwin? you are a wildly successful actor with a great show that you feel the need to go after some obscure, incon sequential mopey who is barely on tv for more than four minutes a night. >> and guess pissy if it is any less. i am missing my face time. bill, you were talking and i am missing my face time. >> something is wrong without bald whip dash -- with alec baldwin when he feels threatened by -- >> an insignificant holly yes,

sir than thou puppet whose only weapon is being quick at the google. >> that was pretty hard, actually. i don't care. do you have a comment on the show? e-mail us at red eye at fox news .com. leave a voicemail on 212-462-5050. still to come, maybe, we don't know. , the half time report from tv's andy levy. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by pals. the close level of friendship where one feels an attachment to another. thanks, pal.

let's find out if we got anything wrong so far. for that we go to tv's andy levy. hi, andy. >> i'm not talking to you. marines told to not audibly break wind in afghanistan. i want to thank the ace of spade for letting me use it in the pre game report. and this highlights our problem with the middle east. it is a good packy point. >> i think you are great, andy. you do a wonderful job.

>> in traditional afghan culture, it is not the passing gas. the fart humor is the appreciated. a lot has to do with that which also makes me wonder. w45 the hell are we doing here in the first place? never mind. i was trying to maintain some kind of whatever you call that. >> it is like a shame culture. you are ashamed as opposed to laughing. >> so fart jokes, bad. cutting off the head of a goat and using it as a soccer ball, totally cool. i don't get it. >> it does sound lie new england. >> thank you, andrew. >> we are talking about marines, the finest of all soldiers. well, they are not soldiers. they are marines. >> okay. one point for you. >> i'm sorry.

>> don't apologize to me. apologize to the marines supporting our country. >> i support all arms of our army. >> marines are not in the army. they are in the marines. >> okay. isn't the army sort of an umbrella word? >> you have your army, have you your navy, have you your air force and you have your marines and you have your coast guard. >> i made a mistake. i'm sorry. i don't usually admit it. >> that's true. >> jill, ways going to say marines who pass gas won't be punished until they are caught in the act according to the don't ask, don't smell policy. but you took that piece of joy. >> since it is an international effort is a dutch oven still allowed? >> i got one of those from ikea. >> i would think under nato command it would be fnlt -- it

would be. >> i don't know what that means. >> lastly, the few marines watching at home, yoga poses are useful in lessening problem flatulence caused by inactivity. or so i read on some website. >> we are if not a service program. >> eight of 10 members of congress have a back ground. they don't have actual experience and i totally agree. here is the thing, members of congress, they don't have a medical background and they have no problem passing healthcare reform. et cetera, et cetera. this is what they do. >> i don't speak spanish. >> that's the problem. you don't really need anything to be elected.

you just have to win votes. >> i agree. >> i don't think that's the problem. >> we should hope their aides have appropriate backgrounds. that should be a part of the study jie. what is a 50k? >> it was an old pair of jeans that were popular in the early 80s. do you remember the 501k's? >> you said the 50k's. >> that's the slang. >> i am not hip to your jean slang. john i agree, i don't need a ceo president. i need a president who articulates principals to water that ow. >> i agree with you agreeing with me. and also we wouldn't need people with business disparages in government if anyone would realize the government shouldn't be involved in the economy and businesses. >> i don't agree with you. >> thought i would sneak that

one by you. >> i'm with you on the u.n. >> i just like bashing the u.n any chance i get. >> if you invite me on the floor, you know you will get that. >> that's why we invite out show. >> greg, you pointed out that i retreated two of alec baldwin's tweets. but now in the late of day, i would like to apologize to alec baldwin. >> no, i'm just kidding. >> greg, i don't think baldwin has anyone tweet for him. it is pretty clear he is tweeting himself. >> there was a whole thing about having celebrities tweet for them. >> he is just not one of them i don't think. >> were you surprised alec baldwin didn't know who i was. i am kind of a big deal on twitter.

>> i wouldn't know. >> i shouldn't have to repeat myself at this point. just accept the fact that i am huge on twitter and just build the show accordingly. >> what is your definition of huge? >> whatever i am. at any given moment. i have an end closing for greg and bill, but i won't say it because i don't want to keep our editors here late tonight. >> wimp. >> what did you google f-bomb? >> no, didn't have to. >> i didn't like that stair. that is the stair of daggers. >> i guess i will move on. this is getting awkward. >> he is still staring at me. >> even off camera i can feel the heat of his blue eyes searing bullet holes in my skull.

>> go away. get him off the camera. if he -- is he gone? no he is still there. >> is running a child's rights institute a great front for under age on? am i smart or not? but first, what will our debt correspondent tell us? i don't know. we will find out together.

it was on and then off and now it is on again. #*e i am talking about robyn gardener that went missing in aruba. they resumed looking for her

remains. this is odd considering last week they called off the search altogether. but he is being held on suspicion of the involvement in her death. must mean one thing. it is time for a visit from our correspondent. before we get to this story, we are hooking you up to the cho youir -- up to the chair and you made a comment on the story we did on the marines. you said that this goes against health protocol if you don't break wind. it is unhealthy. >> we have trillions of bacteria in our intestines digesting our food and making gases. part of what they do is make gases that are passed on. we call it breaking wind. what do the afghanis do with that? if they don't break wind, there is a defect in their digestive sis stim. >> i remember trying to do

research on this. is it harmful to hold it back? i i couldn't get a doctor to tell me where it goes. >> it stays in the intestines. the stomach absorbs it into the body and it pliewts the body instead of the atmosphere. >> is the pollution in the body dangerous? >> not too dangerous. >> it just means the insides smell? >> that's right. >> we your nate and deficat scpe we pass gas. it is part of normal digestion. digestion is a dirty process. >> speaking of being dirty -- >> bill? the human rights attorney is giggling like a 12-year-old. >> have i to transition into this story we have. i want to talk about the search for this woman was seven hours on monday. what is going on over there?

what is happening? >> i think they have gone off on a tangent because this businessman is who we are blaming for being a bad guy -- >> and you say businessman because we are talking about that businessman being president. you are being sar asks stick. -- sarcastic. >> you call it steely sarcasm. just because you took out a $1.5 million policy on her, it doesn't mean they should be suspicious of this guy. >> now that is also sarcasm. i want to ask you, i am not slow. check out this policy, right? could there be a theory that she isn't dead, and that she is in on this? and maybe they hatched the scheme? they met on i guess match .com and then they go off and they bolt. >> that's always an issue. when somebody disappear u.s.

and don't have a body, could there be a scam going on inomeby dies and it turns out 10 years later that they are alive and well. >> if this guy is -- and he is a criminal. he has a prison background. i think he does. >> he has a business background. >> if he was planning something, this is an idiotic plan to take a woman to aruba which is already notorious for a heinous crime and to kill somebody. it seems like there is something else there. >> it is bizarre because in order to snorkel you need certain equipment and he didn't have any equipment. and then somebody did see him on the beach, the lonely beach not snorkeling, just walking. and her boyfriend, they were having a platonic time. >> do you think she saw live?

>> i don't think she is alive. the problem is, if she is out in the water the tides come in. the fact with natalee holloway and the body never came back to shore is there are other places and deep mines where bodies can be put and not found because there used to be a lot of mining in a -- in aruba. there are places to drop off people. >> i didn't know. >> i want to move to the next topic. was the murder pin oatd wrong twin? earlier this year a phoenix man was shot dead during a brawl outside an arizona nightclub. 5* few weeks later police arrested a suspect who fled the state. now the police chief is telling a newspaper, quote, somebody has raised the question about which twin pulled the trigger. yes he has a twin and i guess, quote, they look very similar." i guess that's why they call them twins. how common is this, doctor?

the police arrest some guy and it is the wrong twin. >> even without stwins -- twins it is not as accurate as we have given credence to over the deck i had kas. even identical twins have different fingerprints. they have identical dna, but a fingerprint is different, and it shows that because identical twins when they are in the womb one is on the left side and one on the right side and they get a little different blood supply and that causes the ridges on the fingers to be different. >> so when they call them nature's clones they are not really that. >> you are right. >> say that louder for greg over there. >> the dna is identical. but there is a lot of stuff that isn't caused dye dna such as fingerprints are not due from dna. they are due to blood flow in

the placenta while the skin is developing in our mother's wombs. >> doctor, you should be able to answer this question. can you tell which twin is more evil? just by looking at them? >> the problem is -- no. the big problem in psychiatry is they come in and say, should we release this person? is he a danger to society. they are very bad at that. it is hard to tell the future behavior even if you study a person carefully. >> are there twin for ron neithers? -- twin coroners?

>> i grew up with the corsican brothers. >> don't change the subject. >> they were identical twins than separated at birth. they really felt each other's pains and anguishes. >> is that an urban legend? i am such an idiot. >> i am getting word from our producers we are unable to revive mitchell. i am so sorry, doctor. this has gotten bad. perhaps you can examine him. >> we have to move on. it is always awesome having you on the show. >> maybe we killed michael. >> either way one of them is having a great time tonight. >> yes, your rein of terror is over. that's all we know. you are welcome, america. >> what if we have the wrong one? >> this is the one without the

license. >> time for another break. remember to check out the red eye pod cast. well, there is not a new one every day. go to fox news radio .com and click on red eye. tonight we didn't have one because i was doing "the five" a lot.

now it is time for a new segment called "red eye" investigates. digging is what we are good at. tonight's topic, do dogs like lemons or limes? the truth may shock and haunt you.

h that is the best picture in italy. >> i think it was.

>> in fairness, it was the only one nominated. >> you know they don't have motion pictures. it is a shame. >> and they don't have human actors. >> so much italian bashing on this show. >> there is. sorry about that. >> all right. by the way, i think we can conclude that dogs don't lime lemons or limes. >> no, they don't like citrus cal law mine h. >> finally bill said something sensible about a stupid dog video? >> actually i just made it up. >> we will close things out with a post game wrap up with andy levy. to see recent clips go to foxe d news red --

time to go to andy levy for the post game wrap up. >> and we are still giving our

viewers a shot at tweeting. our first question is from sticky notes who wonders if your family is supportive of your caw creer choice. >> as soon as i put a career together i will check in with them on that. >> do you have gigs coming up? >> thursday i will be at the new candlelight theater in delaware. friday and saturday at mcgwire's comedy club in long island. and in the city sunday at broadway comedy club. >> excellent. >> great hair guy wants to know where people can see the film called "making of a martyr." >> some film? it is the best film ever. they can buy the dvd. go to the children's rights institute .org or watch it for free on-line on snag films. but buy the d v.a.-- dvd because it supports them. >> john, they wonder if obama loses the election should he go to the wall?