for the prisoners it is worked out to this day. there are strong reasons to lookk back and continue the investigation into this secret of 9/11. for fox news reportering. i am bill hemmer. thank you for watching. welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld. i will be bringing my myself to the speed show. watch me jump a record 75 house boys. once out of the men's room i will do some house racing. now to andy levy for our pre game report. what's up? >> let love rule, america. our top story, a new poll

shows rick perry with a big lead over the republican primary field. our panel will discuss what this means for ron paul's presidential chances so john stewart does president yell at -- doesn't yell at us. and do ugly people need protection from discrimination? it will begin and end with everyone agreeing the answer is no, straight ahead. and finally michele bachmann's hair is sweeping the nation. well, her hair style. it would be weird if her hair were sweeping the -- never mind. >> thank you, andy. >> happy national trail mix day. >> i prefer to call it gorp. >> an acro anymore for good old racens and peanuts. >> it is an initialism. >> initialism is when you don't pronounce words like fbi and cia. >> but gorp is not an actual word. you don't go out and gorp something. >> it is a bacronyme. hikers made it up and they said it could stand for good old raisens and peanuts. >> not only is gorp not a

bacronym, but it doesn't stand for good old raisens and peanuts. >> what does it stand for? >> greg's oily residue frr pablo. >> i am here with new york editor lauren saw vont. and he is funnier than a bowl of clown soup. he is not smiling tonight. and he can be found evacuating nightly. my repulsive sidekick, bill schulz. and she is so bright that if you stair districtly at her you will go blind. next to me is a first time guest, dana pa ry no. she is a former white house press secretary and co-host of "the five" never heard of it. and he is a fraud. good to see you pinch. >> >> ♪ one pill makes you larger

♪ one pill makes you small ♪ and ones mother gives you ♪ don't do anything at all >> i'm afraid pinch actually drank david carr's quote, coffee this morning. >> maybe we should start the show, greg. >> ♪ i am a golden god ?oad -- >> that's a lot of production work for those eyes. >> i don't know what you are talking about. he is out in president fro of the presidential hunt. i speak of texas governor rick perry who after a few weeks is lapping the competition like a fast swimmer in a pool that allows you to do laps in a pool past other swimmers, a lap pool perhaps. the new poll has the gov getting 27% of republicans with the former front-runner mitt romney. that's a difference ever a lot. and perry's entry into the race has caused candidates like michele bachmann and ron paul to fall behind too. with perry now leading you

must run stories exploring why. maybe focusing on the economic boom under his leadership. yeah, right. the question they ask instead is, is rick perry dumb? it sites quotes such as" he is like bush, only without the brains" and then perry saying it is a monstrous lie and a upon swree scheme for young people. and calling for a national conversation on changing the system so it is still around for the brats paying around to. it how is perry's pet parrakeet taking all of this? >> wow. not well at all. dana, welcome to the program. >> thanks. i have been very excited since i decided i would come on. >> are you still excited? >> yes jie. do you have

regret? >> no, i am ready to go. >> i want to ask you, perry has never lost an election. he must be incredibly stupid, right? >> he is an i had idiot. -- he is an idiot. >> what always surprises me is republicans are always assumed to be dumb. believe me, tomorrow there will be lots of shows and blogs that say how dumb i am. -- how dumb i am for coming on "red eye." the thing i think is weird is they thought all republicans were done, but there is one i thought was an evil genius. >> he could be -- how can you be both? you you can't be both. george bush was also evil and dumb, correct? >> there is smart evil and dumb evil. >> has anybody ever asked if a democrat is dumb? >> well maybe in the prime time hour on the fox newschannel. st's a very negative term, right? is he dumb? like really is politico dumb to run a headline like that? i have written off a lot of

the media, and when i saw that, it confirmed everything. they said similar things about sara sarah palin. >> and michele bachmann and lauren sivan. that's why you dropped out of the governor's race. >> that's true. obviously if good looks and great hair and having someone else write what you read would get you anywhere, i would have a better job. i don't know, rick perry. >> is perry right about social security calling it a ponzi scheme. >> yes, he is. which is why i would never get elected. but you are not supposed to say. it i don't think rick perry is so sharp. he is saying these things. mitt romney is careful. he says the wrong things. i don't know why we are down on mitt. 14%. he looks good. he has the hair. just go with mitt. that's my message. >> i would like to correct dana pa ry no.

it is not smart evil, dumb level. she never played dungens and dragons. >> is that really a thing? >> it is a thing. >> no, i never played that. >> i have been wanting to correct her for years. >> well, let me correct you for your assumptions, sir. nobody in the history of history that looked like that played dungeons and dragons. >> dungeons and dragons is something for weird people. >> i think you nailed. it they are just little figurines. this is half of our viewer ship. >> i for one support all of you. >> you talk across the table. >> all right then. i guess you save money on that then. conversations were far too expensive. so you made up the whole world. >> it was before the internet. >> yes, it was before the internet.

>> instead of helping the girls across the floor. >> we had three years with the president who was supposed to be an intellectual. that worked out well, hasn't it? >> supposed to, and i didn't like your tone. that was your phrase and your inflection of sarcasm. a lot of people have been saying that he hasn't been beded enough. that comes from the midevil term where they would take the soon to be leader of a tribe and an open top corvette and they would throw squashes and gords at him. the longer he remained conscious the more likely he would lead the tribe. a lot of people didn't know that. >> i don't know that. >> i don't know if it was the paper or you that drank from david carr's coffee. >> this may be his coffee. what was he dwog news corp -- doing with news corp anyway?

>> should you call the white house after getting sauced and should obama bail out his uncle for driving while drunkel? last week the kenyan-born was arrested in massachusetts after cops said he made a rolling stop through a stop sign and nearly caused a cruiser to slam into his suv. the nonleader of the free world obama failed several sobriety tests and after being booked was asked if he wanted to make a call to arrange for bail. he replied awesomely, i think i will call the white house. very good. police say uncle omar as the president calls him in his memwior pled not guilty and was being held without bail on a detainer from u.s. immigration and customs enforcement which means it is possible he is living in the country illegally. like his brother or uncle. what was he again? >> either way. >> i believe we have more from perry's pet parrakeet.

>> nice work, i guess. lauren, i feel bad for omar because he is in a tough situation. it sounds like the white house -- it is or mar, right? it sounds like the white house didn't take his call which is harsh. >> think of how many people call the white house and say, hi. we've got a collect call from the president's uncle. i know the white house operators. they are fantastic people. many have been there for so many years they heard it all. yeah, okay, see you later, bye. >> i would never think to call the white house for anything. >> if this is the best they can do as far as a scandal goes at the white house, a dui

from a half uncle, that does nothing. for those of us in news that live on scandal, we were looking for something that the president has done like breaking and entering, both office buildings and women. this is not -- everyone has a drunk uncle. >> i'm the drunk uncle. here is the thing, i look at my family and everybody has an embarassing relative. i don't. so maybe that is the embarassing relative, correct? right now my family at home are watching and there goes stupid, drunk, greg. >> he finally gets it. >> at least he is dry tonight and they are talking about my clothing. tom, obama can't be seen as giving preferential treatment to his relatives. that puts uncle omar in a tough spot. >> why can't he be seen doing that? is that what we do? isn't that what america is about giving preferential treatment to your family? >> why don't we know about

these people? i didn't even know he has a uncle. don't we know about the president's family? remember billy carter? >> he was awesome. >> he was a great character and they talked about him all of the time. why not talk about these drunk drivers. >> and who was hillary clinton dais -- clinton's -- >> roarj clinton. >> oh, we all remember roger clinton. >> i was auditioning for "the knew gong show" in the late 90s. >> that sounds fun. >> yes, it was to be the host. you know who was after me in line to addition? roger clinton. >> and who got the job? >> it was a guy named chuck boom, if i am right. >> we should have a gong on "the five." >> that's a good idea, but bob would try to smoke it. >> oh i thought you said gong. >> exactly. where is the hole? >> there is a lot of -- martin

van buren's brother, clyde was on "the smack." he can't control his half nephews and nephews. that wasn't even a question, really. >> know your history. as far as this guy is concerned, again he is obama's dad's half brother. half brother. i'm sure he has not played that card and explaining that away. as far as i'm concerned a half brother, you are not even related. >> well uare half related. >> and you are wrong. are you a jennette tau cyst. were you in oxford for four years. >> i did not drink the coffee. >> are you not even supposed to be here. >> i should be working on something important right now. >> what is smack? >> that's heroin. >> i knew it meant something. but i was never clear on which drug it was. >> why didn't i lie and tell

him it was jam? that was stupid. you would have gone to your local bodega and ordered some smack. >> have you been to that bodega? you will get the smack. >> it is true, dungens and -- dungens and dragons keeps you off of drugs. >> i thought it kept them off drugs. >> no, they spend their money 0* cakes. from uncles that are strange to the end of hope and change. so obama is losing friends with one and four saying no more. yep, that same c and n poll -- >> now that's a dungens and dragons. >> this poll finds 27% of democrats would like to see their party nominate a candidate other than the current commander-in-chief. the political correspondent, he has great glasses.

whether they will come around to support owing bo ma is an open question. >> well, more important i wonder what the same one may think of baby's first roar. >> i don't care. tom, should obama just step aside and let someone else run it in its place? like the delightful chap ryan secrist? >> or that other guy. who was the guy in the rock band and hosts shows. he is like ryan secrist? i will go with hi. >> brett michaels? >> yes. >> i'm going with him of the. >> i don't know why presidents don't -- it is expected you will get two sterms. -- terms. why not step aside? why not run against the incumbent every time? >> we know for a fact that whether or not obama loses he is doing two terms. he is only 50. if he loses this time he is

coming back in four years. or eight years. and the older he gets the more distinguished he looks which means he is more likely to win, don't you think? >> you equate winning the election with looking distinguished? >> yes. >> or age? >> are they the same thing? >> mccain should have won then. >> well, you shut me down. >> he seems a little bill clintonish without the strong economy. >> what does he gotta do? >> i think the poll in any matter -- party you would find 27% of people who said they wouldn't reform. if i were the white house we would say we still have 27% of our people? good. >> that's a good point. the republican party nobody is agreeing to anything. they are in better shape. and they will all fall in line. i know this is the last time you will be on the show, so i will squeeze as much lauren love out of you as i can. >> you are hurting me.

it is actually hurting a little bit. i don't have a magic 8 ball on me. >> that's not what i heard. >> that's another drug term for people who didn't realize it. >> are those 8 balls full of smack? >> sometimes they can be a mixture of the two. how did we get on this topic? >> it true looy is a magic -- truly is a magic 8 ball. you are one of the gems to lose faith in the messiah. >> i believe obama will come out with something that is called a job restoration plan. and i am no number cruncher, but i predict his numbers will raise 350%. you heard it here first, america. >> you are a number cruncher. you were an accountant for 16 years. >> that does president mean you just lift numbers at the gym. >> it just means you make them up. coming up, what is it like to be the hot, drunk girl at

the bar that needs to be carried out every night into the cab by strangers? we discussed lauren sivan's new book. yes, that's me. first, should ugly people be discriminated against? we will discuss this topic and then probably discuss it again in three months opening you have already forgotten we discussed this tonight.

did the horse face have a legal case? they earn less, have harder time finding mates and face prejudice from good looking types from people like lauren sivan and of course me. is there a way to fix this injustice? and should we? in the "new york times" the

author of a book suggests we offer legal protections to the ugly as we do with racial, ethnic and religious minorities. homely people could seek out agency liekz the equal opportunity employment commission. we could even have affirmative action programs. the beauty is in the eye of the beholder, a phrase i just coined, fyi. how do you measure ugliness? we asked the vp. what say you? >> he is like bob beck le. >> always looking for a mirror. dana are you hideous, so i bet you support protections for the ugly. >> i cannot stand that guys like this right op ads like this in books like this. they get paid to write books

like this so they can get on tv and we can talk about it to say how ridiculous it is and then he can write another book. >> how else do you think i pay my rent? >> like i said, we will do a story and then in three months we will forget we talked about it. >> so much for this block. what else do you have? >> panda poop, but that's later. in the green room you said ug looy people make you sick to your stomach, and i am quoting you. >> right. >> what do you have against ugly people? you are the bull connor against ugly people and i don't know who that was. i said it before and i will say it again, they should be put in fema camps. i know it is a controversial stance. >> it is. >> there are two problems with this, aside from the obvious. most ugly people don't know they are ugly. they might want want the protection because they don't

consider themselves ugly. some people just give up on themselves. i would like to be 200 pounds and live in sweat pants, but i live in society so i am hungry and bitter and have a hair and make up team. >> it is interesting. you talk 3w* gauging like what is ugly. if only there was some kind of system where you ranked people like 1 to 10. wouldn't that work? >> it would, but who would engage in that? >> certainly not men. >> it is like when you have to do the self-evaluations at work and you always -- you pad it a little bit. you think of yourself a little better. >> you know what you would do is add -- you would add a .5, but then add another .5, and then all of a sudden by the time you get there you are at a 10, and then you just cross it out and then just say, this is stupid. i am too fwood looking. -- too good looking. >> i have a theory.

good looking people succeed because even if you are really good looking, you can't match up to how good looking you were in high school. that's your peak. >> i disagree. >> and you are outnumbered by two hot people. >> it may be true for men, but not for women. >> i never want to relive high school. >> you clearly didn't have a mouth guard. >> it is funny. >> somebody guard guarded me from my mouth guard. >> not wanting to relive it doesn't preclude my argument. they were so awesomely hot in high school, the best looking people, they achieved things in order to make up for the fact that their looks are degenerating from high school until their death. >> i am mesmerized by your handwork. what you are saying though is no one will agree to it because then everybody has to agree because they were not as good looking as they were, right? >> in high school i didn't have that problem. i created characters using a 10-sided dice.

>> when you did your hand like, this i was hoping you were talking about dice. >> that's what they do on dungens and dragons. >> i know what you did in high school. >> would ugly people like yourself really want to come forward and sue for discrimination. that would be humiliating to you. >> are you kidding me? have you worked with me? i have no shame. i would sue, sue, sue. and then i would buy, buy, buy. there are three different books out on this subject. one said quarterbacks with the same stats who played for approximately the same time, the more handsome one made more money. if herschle -- that's an ugly last name, by the way. he says over a span of time, handsome people make about $230,000 more than an ugly person. i'm starting to agree with the guy. also i hate everything. >> here is the thing. i am short. where is my handout. -- where is my handout?

tall people get everything. >> is this gender specific? i am short. >> nobody laughs at you when you can't get things from the shelf in safe way. the big guy goes, let me help you, little fella. enjoy your show. do you want the ladder, little fella? >> also he has a point. a petite woman gets guys. 5* petite guy like greg does not get guys. in certain themed bars, yes. >> gotta go. did you ever meet anybody with a lisp? >> i could use some. >> that's the thing about the lifts. you never know what is wearing them. -- who is wearing them. >> i wanted to wear a reverse lift and make my head taller jie. they call them shoe pillows. do you have a comment on the show, e-mail us. to leave a voicemail call 212-462-5050. still to come, the half time report from andy levy. she hideous.

ugly, ugly man. tonight is sponsored by blind date. the socialen dag -- the social engagement arranged by a mutual acquaintance. thanks, blind date. thanks to the venture card from capital one, we get double miles on every purchase, so me and my lads earned arip to san francisco twice as fast we get double miles every time we use our card... i'll take these two... ...no matter what we're buying. ...and all of those. and since double miles add up fast, we can bring the whole gang! it's hard to beat double miles! whoa dude. [ male announcer ]et the venture card from capital one and earn double miles on every purchase, every day. go to capilone.com.

let's find out if we got anything wrong so far. how are you? >> good. i got a thing. >> what's wrong, andy? >> it is that time again where

i think i will be tricked into buying yet another lenny kravitz album. >> we went through this before. you never feel good about yourself after you do it. >> but i always buy it because someone always says it gets a good review or this one is really good. and then i buy it and it has two or three songs and the rest suck. >> i had the same problem but with pumpernickle bread. >> what? >> i look at it, it looks good and i stake it home and don't like it. >> i'm the same. >> see, ya. i got back up here. >> not with lenny calf vits. not with lenny kravitz. >> rick perry, dana you said republicans were always thought to be dumb which, yes, is true. doesn't the stuff with perry go beyond the policy stuff? it goes to his entire -- it is this advice rail --viceral dislike by many people on the left. >> right.

i think that most people on the left think that anybody with an accent is dumb. >> yes. >> there you go. >> and that stupidity translates into this notion of being anti-science. >> or anti-science and religious. >> he is a little anti-science. >> not really. it is not that he doesn't believe in evolution. he just likes to wrap the roll -- the wrath of god into. it. >> not buying it. >> and the emerging technology fund that he did that attracts scientists to the state, that's not anti-science. kahn keep doing that, and it is not going to -- you can keep doing that, but it is not going to work. >> i am not buying it. >> why? >> it is not true. >> he is a little anti-science. >> no, he's not. it is from the emerging technology fund, andy. explain it. >> it is a way to get more oil out of the ground.

>> i'm pro science then. >> okay. >> tom, you said perry is correct in saying social security has a ponzi scheme. but port of a ponzi scheme is the scheme part where people don't know that the scheme is being run, right? >> is that a definition of a scheme? people don't know it is being run? >> i think it is the definition of a ponzi scheme is that you don't know you are a part of the ponzi scheme. >> i don't know if i agree with that. you could participate in the ponzi scheme. >> really? >> yes. >> if you were bernie madoff's son. >> perry should apologize and say social security was a upon see plan. -- ponzi plan. >> if you hit a jukebox with your fist and the music plays -- >> don't, don't, don't. >> you tried, andy. you saw it coming. >> we can drop the audio on that. >> no, we cannot. >> bill, while are you running your mouth, there were no

corvettes in the midevil times. the word betting refers that a harass be checked by a veterinarian before each race. >> your version is pornographic. this is a family show. >> and you mentioned your lord and save yes, sir obama's grades were better than rick perry's. really? how do you know? >> he went to harvard. >> have you seen his college transcript? nobody else has. >> are you saying he might not have even been an american? >> i am saying he never released his college transcript. >> you are questioning boldly, and i respect that. >> he has that transcript. >> he probably does. >> it is locked in a vault. >> so politico has a new rick perry article called perry panic fires up the left. it claims that the left is getting angsty because of the smashing debut shows the victory of a democrat is not a

step toward the nation, but a left ward swing of the pen due lum -- pendulum poised to rocket to the right. >> those are some words. >> they are. it doesn't make up for the headline "is perry dumb"? >> you have to give him points for trying. or you don't. obama's uncle arrested. tom, you said why don't we know about these people. really? you didn't even know obama had an uncle. yes, he has uncles like the rest of us. >> we don't see them. i think they should be in the tabloids all the time. it would be fun. >> obama mentioned him in his book. but i will -- i thought uncle omar was a character from "the wire." >> nice. >> other than that, lauren, i'm with you. as a scandal, this is lame. >> right? >> right? >> it is an interesting story. it is not a scandal. >> i agree. >> nobody said it was a

scandal. i like the idea of how do you deal with problem relatives. >> i never said you said it was a scan department of i don't know why you are -- i don't know why you are being defensive. >> i am not being defensive. >> i tell you one thing, dreams of my father's brother would have been way better. >> dreams of my father's half brother. >> a little more specific book. >> one in four want obama to run. >> when asked, generally making the candidate look weak which makes the party look weak, and therefore it is sfrowned upon by the party because as we all know the party is more pornts than anything else including the country. >> right. i guess so. but we do it all the time. republicans are running against each other. people love attacking each other in politics. why not go for the big guy? i think that would be great. >> dana any thoughts on that? >> no.

>> when you say big guy, are you talking obama or fifth level wizard? >> it would have to be lawful chaotic. >> dana, 27%, they will mostly vote for obama though, right? >> yes. though here is one of the questions i have been grappling with this week. can you name anybody who did not vote for president obama in 2008 who is going to choose to vote for him in 2012? what type of person might that be? >> someone who just turned 18. >> maybe, but they can't find a job so probably not. >> that andy is good. >> that is what i was most nervous about was andy levy. >> you should be in a puzzle book. it should be made from your flesh. i apologize for that. >> should ugly people have

legal discrimination or protection against discrimination? lauren you said ugly people should be put in fema camps? i may not agree with you, but damnt it, i respect you. >> no one will say it. >> you are saying a lot of people aren't thinking. also you pointed out a lot of people don't know they are ugly. here is my theory though. if ugly people are protected class, we will see an epidemic of self-mutilation so people can get -- be part of the lawsuit and win benefits and stuff like that. >> bill schulz is a great example. he doesn't even have any benefits. >> he just self-mutilates. >> that qualifies as something nobody was thinking about. >> maybe it can be a secret thing. the government decides if you are ugly or not and it is kept in a secret file. you never know whether or not until you are 65 and you retire. >> and then what happens is --

this is great. >> you spend your whole life as an ugly person and didn't know it. >> the government meets you when you are young and you get this free stuff. all of a sudden you wonder how did bill gates get to where he was? how did albert brooks get to where he was. were they part of the ugly group? >> they are part of the ick files. >> tom, have you ever been a hand model? >> no, i never have. are you refering to my gesturing? >> i noticed you had lovely hands when you were doing that. >> i get -- cane admit i get manicures? >> we are not going to delete that. >> i thought you were going to say you get mail. >> it is a good way to take care of yourself in the afternoon. >> greg, you said you are short, where is your handout? it is on the top shelf. >> that's not funny. >> yes, it is.

>> it is bigoted. >> and funny. >> it is not funny. >> it is not big sf. it is little. david shaw whimer is dead, tired of the rumors of a friends reunion. first, what can panda pooh do for you? sorry i read it wrong. what can't panda pooh do for [ male announcer ] you never know when, but thieves can steal your identity. turning your life upside down in a matter of seconds. hi. hi. you know i can save you 15% today if you open up a charge card account with us. you just read my mind. [ male announcer ] just one little piece of information and they can open bogus accounts, stealing your credit, your money, and ruining your reputation. that's why you need lifelock. lifelock is the leader in identity theft protection. relentlessly protecting your personal information to help stop the crooks in their tracks before your identity is attacked. protecting your social security number, your bank accounts, even the equity in your home. i didn't know how serious identity theft was

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strus shine get damaged across party lines? probably not. but they are getting requests for michele bachmann's look. sarah palin's hair was once popular and now it is michelle's do. what is it about the look? one stylist says, safe, but not soccer mom. it is sexy. i found it a little amazing how many women have been coming in and asking for her hair style even though they don't agree with her politics. that had to be there.

i feel we must discuss this in our -- >> lightning roooooouuuunnd. lightning round. >> it always makes me smile. dana, isn't the fact that people see people on tv, and then they want to look like the people on tv or what? >> i don't know how many people are asking for like the newt gingrich haircut. no one ever talks about men like -- well, they talk about their hair. i had to disagree with something. i thought andy would point it out, but he missed it. rick perry and mitt romney kind of have the same hair. >> absolutely. >> the hair is important for a presidential candidate. when a woman is running -- you didn't see any stories about women going to the new york salon saying i want the hillary clinton hair do. >> no. >> but the michele bachmann -- >> a lot of guys want the joe biden. i have seen it. >> it is called the accidental

joe biden. >> every time i shower i think i am getting the biden. >> they should save it. they can use it later. >> lauren, do you copy anybody's hair style or has anybody copied yours? >> probably. i don't know about her hair, but i love that perma surprise look on her face. i want to find out where i go for that. >> that's just happiness. maybe you should look into it. instead of being miserable you see somebody finally happy and you go what's wrong with her? >> she is somebody that doesn't look hungover. >> somebody who doesn't drink, that's what they look like. >> i like her hair. i think they describe it perfectly. it is not soccer mom, but it is sexy. >> i wouldn't know what to do -- i wouldn't know what to do. >> you would get manicures. >> i know what a hair style is. i know what it is. but when i look at michele bachmann, i don't see a hair

style. i just see hair. is it possible to have hair and not a hair style? >> that is an amazing question. >> i feel like you can see -- palin has a hair style. you can see it. it has personality. >> a sweep. >> how would you -- i wouldn't know where to begin to cut someone's hair. >> it is called the that the girl with marla thomas. look at bill. bill your hair style was inspired by the great erin moran in "jonie loves chachi." >> i thought it was rachel maddow. >> she uses too much product. this is au natural. i used to go to woman salons and asked for the jonie. now i go in there and i say now it is called the billy. >> they just give you the hair style and then sodomize you. >> that is not a salon and we will have to take that out. >> wait a second. we are not doing the pan due pooh story? we we don't have time?

we teased it. >> something to look forward to tomorrow. >> stay tuned tomorrow. >> quickly, i'm for it. >> lauren is smeared in it. we will take a break. up next, a special tribute you won't want to miss.

she is one of the most beautiful and bewitching guests on "red eye." former secretary of state madeline all bright had to cancel at the last minute. since lauren sivan was semilucid and in the neighborhood we asked her to stumble in and fill a seat. sadly the voice of long island is leaving us for newer and hopefully more newer opportunities in los angeles. as a result, we put together this montage of her finer moments on this program. enjoy, enjoyers. >> it was a disgusting cough and he is all thin and pale. >> you dated him because he was a racist. >> who is going to be able to live up to the huge personality of a giant dialysis patient? >> that's true. what a stab at dialysis patients. >> have you ever gotten in trouble for anything you put

on-line? >> i don't have any on-line accounts. >> no female congressman is going to be -- hey. is jugs a euphemism? you have the high maintenance of a girlfriend without the [bleep]. what was the question? why these shake weights came out -- >> can you do that again. >> let them have a beer. what's the big deal? i'm sure they could do a you lot worse. >> could it have been somebody else. >> you are bluring my mind. i can't even understand. >> i think we just made your sizzle real for you. >> you are welcome. >> i had no idea how much i shined on your show. >> you were confused and awkward. it is quite good. >> that good and yet obscene. i think i just lost my new job. thank you, greg. >> that's what we are here

for. >> there is always a place for you here. >> yes, an unpaid place. >> a once a month place. >> do we have time to do panda poo? all right. researchers at mississippi state university, go tar heels, may have found the solution to producing energy out of renewable sources, panda poop. after analyzing the stuff, a bacteria in panda feces breaks down the raw plant materials used to make bio fuels. why do i have to quote this guy? just move it along. >> you really don't like science. dana, will this help cut depend? >> i don't know why we are spending our time on it. we will run out of the endangered species more than anything else. >> it is a dumb idea. there aren't a lot of pandas. if there is not a lot of pandas, there is not a lot of panda poop.

>> it seems so good. the anticipation that once are you in. it what were we so excited about? >> i am so excited about it. >> i have a theory lauren, that what happened was there was a scientist who was hoarding panda poop. some guy goes, what are you doing? he goes, oh man. i believe i discovered an alternative fuel. the guy is like, is that why it is all over your face? he is like, yeah! you rub it in and it is -- >> you know who else that happened to? >> who? >> the guy that discovered cow's milk. >> all of these discoveries were made by perverts. >> that's right. >> bill, have you been collecting panda poop for years, but for different reasons. >> i stand by my perversion. if we don't come out and be more open about this stuff, we won't get anywhere as a panda society. i hate to say. it but i look at this and say, another thing coming out of china.

>> we are dependent on foreign sources of oil and dependent on china's pandas. >> there is no american brown bear making crap we can run things on. >> it is the bear unions of. >> i tell you what. did you see them protesting? they are mauling people. it was a horrible, horrible sight. >> all right. we have to close things up with andy levy. with andy levy. to see clips of recent shows

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post game wrap up. >> was being on "red eye" everything greg promised you. >> i think i survived and i won't get fired yet jie. i think you are fine. then again. >> i'm sure george w. bush will be so proud of me. >> he is a huge fan, by the way. of yours.