so he looks thinner. he has a sense of humor. i know him well and he has a sense of humor and he's right on galileo. eric is wrong on. >> eric: "an inconvenient truth." that was funny. >> greg: it was a satire. >> eric: that is not fair to say. >> greg: al is committed. give him credit. you believe that italians welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld. we enjoy celebrating the many uses of a jack-o-lantern. now to andy levy with a pre game report.

what's coming up on tonight's show, old sport? >> the gop wins two special congressional elections including one in a seat held by democrats for nearly 90 by democrats for nearly 90 we will talk about how this is a victory for america. and we will look at the "attack lodge" and a new study explains why drunk people make bad decisions. the shocking story that doesn't apply to me at all. greg? >> thank you, andy. >> happy felt hat day. >> another concoction made of felt. >> think of all the mom and and pop companies. >> i still don't care. if they can't stay in business, they shouldn't be in business. >> your anti-big felt and anti-mom and pop felt? >> yes. >> this is not about felt hat day, greg. >> i just don't see what is so great about felt. >> it is possibly the oldest

form of fabric known to human kind. >> who cares? >> what is this about? >> i miss them. you used to dress me in felt, andy. you know that. >> i didn't know that. i. >> suppose there is no way you could have. >> he is in a better place now. i got a postcard from him the other day. he is in guatemala. >> you too my friend, you too. let's welcome our guest. she is so bright that congress is trying to replace her with a fluorescent bulb. i am here with judith miller, the pulitzer prize winner, columnist and author. she is so sharp she is not allowed near the factory. his mole specifically ask to be removed. it is bill schulz. and he is considered one of the funniest humors alive today. sitting next to me, comedian

tom shlou, us expressive. and he is known for griping and wiping. it is our "new york times" correspondent. good to see you, pinch. >> hello, judith. way to warn me, greg. today in "vanity fair" they discuss the plan to revamp the famed monkey bar on park avenue. i used to enjoy it with the ladies' home journal. it quickly ended that while the heavily intoxicated truman capotti came over and used her as a bib while enjoyg a lukewarm lobster bisque. if only it could have ended better. hope are you well, jewish. >> nice story. >> -- >> hope you are well, jewish. >> nice story. there was a special election to replace the disgraced sausage vendor, anthony wiener.

bob turner now is the first republican in almost three00 years to represent the heavily jewish and democratic 9th congressional district. >> and the news was no better for those held in nevada. a republican trounced his democratic opponent by 22 points. in a district that liens republican, but they thought they might have had some future. the white house press secretary down played the loss saying special elections are often unique, and their outcomes don't tell you much about future regularly scheduled elections. never mind then. move along. nothing to see here. the former new york mayor felt differently and ed koch endorsed curraner to, quote, send a message about president obama's israel policies. politico quotes a high level conference call. that is specific. people feel betrayed,

disappointed, furious, disgusted, hopeless. somebody has a thesaurus. for more we go to the special elections cory spawn department, circle bird. what does this mean for obama in 2012? >> i don't get it. they are calling this election a referendum. i thought referendum was a body part. what does it mean when you have had a referendum? >> thought it was a vote. >> yes. just a vote? >>- q. i as -- >> that's as much as i do in politics. i thought this was an amazing election in new york. i don't know about nevada. there aren't enough people to fit into one district in new

york. >> that's true. >> it is a great day for ed koch and his own rainbow coalition. >> it does bring up a good point. i can see why ed koch is saying, let's bring a message how obama is not friends with israel. okay, well how will that fix the pothole outside my apartment in queens. >> the thing is i don't go to queens. that's not an issue for mee. not an issue for me at all. jaime, welcome to the program. people keep mentioning that obama -- this reflects a jewish problem. do you believe there is a jewish problem? and would this hurt him in 2012? >> it is hard for me to add to what they contributed to. let me give it a shot. there is a significant jewish population in this area. one area they are very big nationally in is florida. if this is indicative of what the jewish vote is doing, he

will win a majority of it. but if it is in florida a significant group goes over to the republican candidate. he could have a serious problem. it is obviously crucial for the 2012 race. >> interesting. i always come to you for my political analysis. i am not going change now. we were obviously glued to the tv last night. in the green room you said under your breath, prove that the jews control everything. >> i couldn't believe it either. he is a terrible person. >> should i have read your pamphlet. >> it was under my breath. >> so you really didn't say. it what do you make of this? >> i don't know what to make of it. i don't think anybody does. they say it is a referendum or several refer wren daw, but no one knows. every time it falls on their side they say, oh yes, this is a landslide victory for our party. but then when it goes against them, you can say gee, every election is unique. which it is.

you can't tell anything from a little election. nor can you speculate about the behavior of the jewish vote. it is just like any other vote. it can go one way or another. i don't think it had anything to do with obama. they were disgusted by wiener and they said let's focus on this other guy. >> if he was a disgusting republican and he was disgusting me, i would have gone and voted for the other guy. >> how awesome would it be once bob turny gets in office and he tweets a picture of his junk. >> he should do is it just to show people. >> you were shaking your head when tom was talking. a lot of people do that because they don't respect him as a person. >> i think if i were obama in the white house i would be thinking of something i could do to be nice to the jews. i think he would be very, very worried about that. not just as voters, but as fundraisers and activists and as his base of the democratic party to suddenly have that kind of desertion.

these are the jews you can lose. this is terrible for him. >> there are dirty tricks in the campaign. there was a guy running around saying he was jews for turner. and they thought it was the other guy in secret. that's no good. >> have i to ask -- i have to ask though, how is voting for the irish catholic over the orthodox jew a message to israel? and if it is a message to israel, is it one they want to hear? >> we don't want it in brooklyn. >> here is the thing, bill, could this be the return of wiener? now wiener will wait and come back and fight for his seat. >> are you talking about the politician or my dvd? i don't know maybe. he is back from vacation and his wife is about to have another little wiener. it is time to make career choices. >> i am not counting him out. >> it is not just the jewish vote that was a problem.

there is a union vote. that is important for obama's re-election in states like ohio. for obama to play indicate that constituency, it is going to help the economy which he needs to do better. she in a catch 22 there. >> and signing a popular book, i believe. from winng two to feeling blue, are sinking polls taking a toll? well it is a report about a report. it must be true. president obama is depressed. he says the "new york times" is checking into whether barack has the blues bad. the paper doesn't comment on stories it may or may not be work ofght let's not forget gawkers as reliable as my cousin sal who stole the banana seat off my shaw win in 1989. sal died of mono in 1989. 1997 actually. but could it be true? we are told by a source inside "the times" that the paper is preparing a story arguing that obama no longer finds joy in

the political back and forth. it seems increasingly listless to associates and it is generally exhibiting the lit knee of signs that add up to depression. whatever. i'm sure obama is fine. i'm worried more about sad kitty. >> how ironic that it is his depression that makes us smile. i think we learned an important lesson there, one i have forgotten. what do you make of this report? it is a report from a report from a paper that won't comment on it. >> that's where you get the best information. i think this is great. it is the best. it was never a projection of anyone else's feelings. that's why he rose to the top. when he says he is so smart, it is them saying he is so

smart. they think they are enlightened for voting for him. they keep patting themselves on the back. no wonder they think he is depressed. they are depressed. >> that's an accident -- that's an excellent point. >> you didn't have much competition from yourself. >> it was a tremendous achievement. it is the media that are putting this out there. and they are the ones that are the most depressed because they are the ones that pushed obama way up there as the anointed one, right? >> that's because they have to cover obama day after day after excruciating day of watching polling, ratings fall. my solution is very simple. i think this is the information because he really wants an excuse to start smoking again. >> and smoking does make you feel better. >> it makes you feel better and anything to boost. >> smoking cigarettes, correct? >> presumed.

>> dana said something on "the five" an interesting show on 5:00 every day. she says they put the stories out and they say these things in order to build president obama back up later. it is like you go through this valley of negativity, and then it all turns around and it is like he is the come back kid. >> is there a media planning like this is how we will make him rise? let's go with the depression angle. then he will come out and be a champion. maybe that's true. i have never been the listener that tells you these types of things. i am neither a doctor nor a chiropractor. far be it from me to diagnose from a far. but if he is really having depression like he said in the article where he barely got a bed if he is not the president, maybe it is time to let dennis could you sin niche run. >> he is a happy fellow. >> he doesn't get depressed. >> no, have you seen his wife? >> yes. >> if anybody is depressed

shouldn't it be you? you make me depressed just looking ought. >> i can see myself on the monitor. have i forgotten to shave again? >> that's the first sign of depression, bill. >> i am the rollercoaster of emotions every day. obama, i disagree with what you just said. i have never seen owe -- obama happy. i have never seen obama sad. i have never seen obama be anything but obama. if he can't be one thing, he can't be another. >> that is a good point. remember many years ago on "red eye" they did that thing about mccain being captain kirk? he is spoke. he has no emotion. you can't tell if he is depressed or not. >> concocted story. >> i miss those stories. >> he was more of a trible, though, right? >> you know what would cheer him up? think about the boat load of

money he will make. he is going to be the first billionaire president. >> think about the books. we can argue about whether or not he has written, and think about all of that that lies ahead. and all of those years of watching his wife go to j crew. >> all of the work that bill will have ahead of him. >> the great thing about obama is he is 50. he could play himself in the movies about him. isn't that awesome? >> it would be an excuse to buy some just for men. it is happening. >> from feeling stale to tattle tails. can they beat the right with a cry baby site? the team is confronting what they call lies with on-line cries. setting up attack watchdog .com made by everybody else. in an e-mail they wrote,

quote, there are a lot of other folks chomping. >> chiming? joy chomping at the bit. >> the tag line, get the truth and a sandwich they are linked to analysis to things like media matters, of course, and articles of news sites and obama is rad report .org. meanwhile, back in my apartment. >> i told julio not to touch

that stuff. my work pays for that stuff. >> is this a wise idea or do they all look like babies? >> i thought the economy was doing terribly. apparently if you compare it to the great depression. this enhances the president saying there are rumors out there. like his middle name is hussein. >> judith, does this make them come off thin skinked or even pair no ied? >> this -- paranoid? >> this is their attempt to mobile mobilize their base. if you see something, say something. >> tom, are you a comedian, and often you are heckled. >> it happens. >> yes, it happens a lot. >> you feel it is in your best interest to respond. >> if there is a heckler, i

let the audience -- i don't attack them. obama should do that. he already has people. he has a spokesman that will defend him. they are called thiewp and television. he seems petty and he has tons of mass media that will do it for him. >> good point. >> another good point. >> bill, you started a site to monitor nice things said about you. >> i need to start posting under a different name. >> he deserve itself. >> the born in kenya thing, the birth certificate thing, and even if you disagree with it having something like shmonald, shrump. >> i disagree with you.

>> anyway, all of these points and many, many, many more he had his jobs bill put on a paper clip. >> that went on for way too long. yes there is a website needed. when we talked of missing wmd's that was true. it should not have been that site. this site looks like it was made by republicans. this site is a parity of sites. it is an embarassment. >> they have a problem with him smearing him. >> if you didn't support obama , you are racist. >> i don't like that. >> you can show more stuff about racist stuff and tea party as you can democrats. >>

>> and attack watch, it sounds like a bad translation of an age in -- an asian martial arts movie. >> that's what i was looking forward to. >> if it were up to me, things would be different. >> should we pay the student athlete to play their sports? something tells me their next will be banter of said questions.

should scholarships be replaced with dollar chips? in the latest issue of the atlantic, they argue that the student athletes should be a paid one as well. they say the real outrage is

not over the recruitment scandals, but the fact that universities exploit all of their ball boosters for fun and profit, mostly profit. summarizes an atlantic bloger, quote, big time college sports are fully commercial liesed. billions of dollars flow through them each year. they make money and enables universities and corporations to make money from the unpaid labor of young athletes. let's look at the latest recruiting video sint through the lady vols program. >> kind of impressive. >> you know, the kids get these full scholarships at super expensive schools. even if they don't go to class, shouldn't that be

enough? >> they shouldn't. i read this whole article. >> apologize for that. >> it was an accomplishment for me. but i have a better point. how about this? don't go to college. get out. if somebody is so good at a sport that pipe -- that people are willing to pay him $1 million, you are done. close the book. you win. >> everybody from coaches on down make a fortune from these kids. doesn't paying them make some sense? >> there are stories, especially those who can't afford a train ticket down, and they really don't have time to get a job. he made ridiculous comparisons to colonialism on campus which has seen too much of a stretch for me. the question is does this apply to all sports or just the major sports? does women's polo get paid as well or is it just basketball and football?

>> that's an excellent question. i don't think anybody would pay aside from football and football, right? into -- no one watches anything else. >> i always want to watch serena williams make a fool out of herself and call the line referee an idiot. >> how do you feel about this? should the student athletes be paid? >> why not join the commercial eyeization -- commercialization early? why wait to make a killing until you are in college. i think we ought to start capitalism early. >> they learn to be jerks earlier too. major scholarship at emerson, what was that for? >> glass blowing. i found out when i got there, not a sport. >> what did you do when you got there? >> i thought i would show my skills and say come on in full ride. i am for this. it took me awhile to figure

out if i was undecisive. then i realized my daughter david an excellent, excellent synchronized swimmer. and i am even better at stealing from my i will legitimate daughter, david. yes, yes, and more yes. >> i probably don't care now, but if i were in college i would not want this to happen. these guys are already jerks. imagine jerks with money. these are guys that get all of the women. they are big, handsome blokes. it is going kill everybody else. >> let them be pros. >> i dropped out of college and i am on tv. >> there is a lot of people. i am not going to tell you. >> to be fair, i didn't go to college. and i don't even own a tv. >> you can't be on an olympic team if you are commercial.

what would happen to our olympic team. >> is that true? >> the dream team is all professional. i think there was some baseball you have to be amateur, but for some reason basketball can have the dream team. >> i don't have to tell you to jim thorp, mostly because i don't know. but i don't think he has a medal anymore. you can look that up, andrew. >> if you have ever been to jim thorp, pennsylvania. >> do you have a comment on the show? it is red eye at fox news .com. and to leave a voicemail call 212-462-5050. still to come, the half time report from tv's andy levy. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by finger nails. the flat transparent protective plate that covers the upper surface of a finger. thanks, finger nails.

welcome back. let's find out if we got anything wrong so far. for that we go to tv's andy levy. how are you? >> great, greg, how are you? >> i'm great. thanks for asking. >> fantastic. gop wins special election. you said if the jews are moving away fromwe ba you ma this can cause problems for him in places like florida. i want to get this out of the way. i can't say much, but after

meeting last night there was a sense of satisfaction. >> the elders are very happy. >> again, that's all i'm going to say about it. >> how was the egg salad? >> it was fantastic. >> it always is. >> like the egg salad is not going to be fantastic. please. you put it on fresh rye, it has to be good. >> i have to eat it on its own, usually a bed of lettuce. >> thases -- that's why you are not invited to the meetings. >> that and i'm catholic. >> you wonder how sending a message to obama about his israel policies will fix potholes. and then you wonder how voting for an irish catholic over an over that you dokz jew -- orthodox jew. >> after a week of good ombudsing, that that was the best you had. >> how can you sit there and

deny that this shows the jews control everything? >> that's the problem, you always say it under your breath. >> you think we can't hear it when you say it. >> and i meant it in a good way. >> you preve physician it with -- preface it with "thank god." >> my guess is he is finally planning a trip to israel. >>- q. i he wept once. he -- >> he went once. he went twice, actually. >> i don't think he has been there since he was president. >> i think once since he was president. >> i am going to have to check. i am going to have to check andy's pretty in pink. >> also if he does want to do something nice for the jews, send me a check. that's easy enough.

and i will distribute it. one thing none of you talked about was how gay marriage played a role. the democrat was a new york assemblyman. and turner hit him hard over that. they are not a big fan of the gay marriage. >> there you go. >> is obama depressed? you said a source in the times that the paper is preparing a story and saying that obama no longer finds joy in the back and forth and is generally exhibiting the lit knee of signs that add up to depression. who doesn't feel that way? >> i know. it describes my typical week. >> tom, your theory about how obama is a projection of other people's hopes and feelings and of course they think people are depressed. it is the stupidest thing anyone has ever said on the show. >> i feel like i am having a

pretty good "red eye." >> you were a little too self-satisfied. i had to take it down a notch or two. greg, you said the tag line is "get the truth and a sandwich." and then you admitted you display read that wrong. >> yes. >> it is "get the facts, fight the smears." but kudos to you for saying you may have read it wrong mplght. >> you never see shep say that. >> what do you have against the smears? they are a lovely couple. dane and mark smear? >> it is bob and roda smear. they are not lovely couples. >> they are a lot of smears. >> he has a problem with the jews because he is fighting the shmere. >> and when bop runs for something it will be a smear campaign, and there is no way he will win. >> also you read from an e-mail that there were a lot of folks chomping at the bit to destroy the president's

record. you asked if that would be champing. >> yes. >> jaime, you mentioned there are a lot of rumors out there like president obama's middle name is hussein. >> it is an outrageous rumor. >> here is the thing. if the website -- website were set up so it de bunked clearly untrue things like that the president was born in america wouldn't that make it okay? the problem with the website is it is political. >> actually it is really argument watch. president obama they say is not pro israel, but he is pro israel. it is giving a competing argument. >> i agree. a source within oat bo ma campaign says within less than 24 hours they found 100,000 people sign up at attack watch .com. they say it claims -- this indicates significant interest from supporters. i don't think they realized who signed up at the site.

>> just by saying that are you being reported. >> am i? >> you just said you don't think they know what is going on on their own site. that's a smear. you just smeared. >> we can drop audio, right? >> we will take that out. >> i don't want to on the watch. tom, your solution is for these guys to just stop going to college and go pro. if you are so good at a sport that people want to give you millions of dollars for standing near their product you don't need college. a stud de showed less than 2% of collegiate basketball and football players end up going pro. >> so just them. >> i don't think that solves the problem, tom. >> he has already shut down and cannot hear you. >> that was case closed right

there. >> lastlily, greg i feel you should have recaused yourself. you profit from the unpaid labor of the young athletic men. >> in exchange for the wisdom and the grace of an older male. >> is that what you are calling it? >> it is the cologne. >> by paco ribbon. >> you missed something though. >> did i? >> yes, in the election thing. i said it was the first time a republican was -- >> 300 years? >> yes. >> you were wrong about that. it is like 90 years. i was just checking to see if you care. >> i'm glad there was no challenge. >> all right.

bye. >> i agree. >> you got cutoff. coming up, jennifer lopez has drowned -- her sorrows with a boozing night out with her girlfriends. i can't blame her. but first, what is going on in the world of cheerleading? who cares? it is a story on cheerleading.

supply -- j do drunk people do dumb things? better question, why do things drunk people do dumb? that was a way worse question. according to research, a good friend of mine, after people are drinking booze dulls the brain signal that tells them they are making a mistake. professors at the university of missouri came to this important con clogs after getting people smashed and giving them a computer task.

what is new about this? well, contrary to previous studies, our study shows alcohol does president reduce your awareness. it reduces how much you care about making those mistakes. i wouldn't know what he was talk bsmght let's discuss this in our -- >> lightning round. >> you caught me writing something. tom booze makes us do dumb things. were you surprised to learn this today by that story? >> i was unsurprised as usual. >> every study i have ever re can be backed up by common sense. and if i read a study and i don't agree with it, i think, it is wrong. i don't believe in evidence. i believe in common sense. >> it is like a reverse engineering thing. a biologist asks about how your handworks. how convenient is that? >> you explained to me. everything is done by

scientists to explain the obvious. >> >> the people in the study, they were given placebo drinks. if you can't tell a real drink from a placebo, the menace is people who do the study. they were as available as real drunks. >> bill, we could spend an entire show talking about the dumb things you did drunk. can you narrow it down to the dumbest? >> i am good at it. you know that being drunk makes you do dumb things. but you do always remember the time thinking that it was dumb. and what the study said which i think was enlightening was yes, you know it is dumb, but the thing in your brain that says, you shouldn't do that, that kind of -- instead of saying stupid when you wake up, you say, i knew it was stupid, but i just didn't care. i knew i shouldn't have lit my friend's hair on fire, but at the time it seemed more funny

than wrong. that makes sense. >> that was a true story and it was your hair. >> it was my hair. >> jimmy, the point is, that's what makes regret part of the hangover. there is no regret until you realize what you are doing. >> i was surprised at the study. i didn't realize you would do things when you were drunk. it will stop me from drinking and driving now. >> good for you. >> i would like to point out that drinking while driving is not a joke. do you ever do dumb things when you are drunk? >> i can't imagine you are just crazy. >> compared to what 1234* -- compared to what? >> i want to know who paid for this study. it was our taxpayer dollars? and compared to marijuana brown knees and compared to -- and finally, finally this

explains the really dumb celebrity behavior. they don't know what they are doing or they don't care the next morning. >> it explains everybody's dumb behavior, and everybody's awesome behavior because there is a lot of things that never happen until you have a few drinks. helping your future spouse. that helps a lot of people who have the guts to do things. why is this study done? these researchers are dorks. they go back to these colleges. this is a whole scam by researchers. they go to colleges. they have never been able to ask women out. they say, would you like to participate in a drinking study? it is for them to get numbers. that's all it is. >> the only dumb thing you do is eat another pot brown knee. that's it.

>> i learned a lot reading tv guide. >> i don't smoke pot. >> monday becomes friday. >> wouldn't that be great if they said reverse week for the rest of her life? >> the beginning of the week is saturday. i always thought how cool that would be if they decided to reverse the week. >> this also happens when you are on a pot brown knee. >> what did you give me, bill? >> time to take a break. stick around or i won't water your house plants.

well, it was the lead story on special report tonight. a san jose coach is cracking down on uniforms. the piedmont high principal agreed that the higher hem line on the cheerleader uniforms has no place in school. the squad must cover up with sweats to wear their uniforms to school, meaning you won't be seeing any of this or this or this. or even this. >> you know, bill, i go to you first. you are a former cheer leader and we may have some tape of

you. >> were skirts short back then? >> as long as you know they are short shorts, greg. >> i didn't want to do a call back, but that's why i was interested in the alcohol story. if i had one less appletini at the sorority mixer that wouldn't have happened. >> i am good though. look at me. i was cut back then. >> and the guy wasn't so bad either. tom, cheerleader outfits are an institution in america. does this prince principal therefore hate america? >> i agree with the principal. but not because -- >> in principal. >> in principal i do. i am opposed to -- it is not i am opposed to the skimpy

outfits. the cheerleaders of today were more fit than of my era. they have an ample leg -- >> look at the expression of your face. >> the mini skirt doesn't hang well over that wonderful ample dissh. >> that's why. the spandex shorts are more becoming of the athletic female physique. >> can you follow-up? without creeping the hell out of america? >> it is hard to outdo. i think we should have the same standards for men and have them all dress alike. what we have to do is not only insist they wear stockings, but maybe headscarves and head jobs, gloves. anything else you can add to disguise the female body. i think that would be a good

thing. >> are you as outraged as i am. >> welcome to obama's america. we are slipping toward saudi arabia. >> opening a block. >> i think you hit on an important point. >> we have been saying it all along. now we have the evidence. we will wrap it up with andy levy. to see clips of recent shows go to foxnews.com/redeye.

i will be back at 5:00 p.m. eastern time for "the five." coming up tomorrow on the next "red eye" return appearances from former british soldier. elise, she is she is a nice lady and nick gillespie with hair.

back to andy levy for the post game wrap up. >> thanks, greg. >> welcome. >> tom, what is skullly square. >> that's where they used to hang out and it is the name of my barber shop quartet. we have a new cd out. they are sold everywhere but i tunes. >> can you sing barber shop without everybody else? >> you need the quartet. >> i know you do. i was just asking. >> i think people can get this album. >> you can buy it. i think it is on i tunes right now. i need to check with my guys, but it is there. >> check with your guys. >> you have to check with your team. >> it is on cd baby too. >> jaime, where can we find you on twitter? >> that's an excellent question. i don't know where you got it, but it is actually v