welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld star of stage, screen and television. my off broadway show will be performing with the brian park young men's theater company and i am auditioning performers for the fall season between the hours of 4 and 7 a.m. remember to write your name with a magic marker on your naked chest. tv's andy levy is off tonight. filling in is writer and comedian, jesse joyce. he has our pre game report. jesse, what's coming up on tonight's show? >> thanks, greg. yes, folks, once again andy levy was unable to make it for tonight's show. at this point andy is around less frequently than bill's dad was growing up. our top story, for the seconds time in his career, tim robins will crawl through a mileage of sewage for freedom. tim robins showed up at the occupy protest proving that an dree refrain can no longer refrain from yelling at people with ties.

nd morgan freeman hurt ticket sales. you know what hurt ticket sales? the plough the. the triumph of an amputee dolphin. who wouldn't want to see an amputee flipper? and conservative white males are least likely to believe in climate change. one group says, "we think conservative white males are jerky jerk sons. that statement was released by sweating penguins and polar bears." >> see you at the half. let's welcome our guests. she's so hot you can fry an egg on her forehead? who would? you have skill lets in every shop in the country. and he is considered one of the whitest in america. but jarls groden fell asleep in the green m -- green room.

and he makes his own string cheese, don't ask me how, bill schulz. sitting next to me, writer john devore. and he is a stupid talking paper, that's it. good to see you, pinch. >> working for the weekend, aren't you, greg 1234* this week in travel he visits gay paris. reminds me of the torrid affair i had with a paris eight n paper. viva no pants! greg? >> well done, my friend. >> thank you. >> didn't mean it. >> well. should we appoint a tea peat counter point? those other dopes are unworthy copycats. yet tea partiers chafed at comparisons between their crowd and the wall street protesters. one leader saying, quote, i

don't think it is the left answer to the tea party movement. and there are a lot of people there that don't support barack obama. they are unhappy people that don't know what they want. well, they seem to be growing by the day. now the anti-capitalist crowd has a gossip girl. she recently showed up at a protest. on the show he plays dan humphreys. anyway, also making an appearance, susan sarandon's son, tim robins who noted, quote, this is when an actual grassroots movement looks like. but not everyone is going on their own accord. a lefty organizer told the caller that he paid hispanics to occupy the bc protest. >> are you paying them?

>> some are volunteers. some of them aren't. i can't identify them. >> [speaking spanish] >> anyway, so while all of this is going on, one of the wall street -- what are the wall street fat cats doing? enjoying their ill gotten gains, of course. >> now i get it. the people walked out of the wall street protest and they are right. that's what these fat cats are doing. they are listening to reggae

music which is horrible. nobody listens to reggae anymore. john, i know your heart is with the wall street protesters. you have to admit that it is funny that you have to pay protesters to organize against capitalism. isn't that funny or ironic? >> since you cornered me, yes. that little moment of that little section is ironic. >> do you think these guys are the left answer to the tea party? >> they are the herbal tea party. and they both have a lot in common. they are both raging against their individual rights being compromised. tea party against big government influencing personal liberty and with the occupy wall streeters, they are raging against aristocrats. you know, scrooge mcduck, daddy war bucks. they are influencing against big money. >> while they are on the apple laptop. or a lapple as you prefer to

call it. >> what he said, tea party gash -- are they the same side? >> what is going on with my mouth? >> they need cones to block the traffic. >> two sides of the same cone. >> not at all. the tea party knows why they are there. they are organized and have a mission and know how to go about it. the wall street protesters it is a compilation of students and teachers who who hate wall street, but would love to work there. offer a job at goldman sachs to any of them they will take. it but they are going about it the wrong way. if you want to go after big business you don't protest on wall street. you protest on k street. that's where you go. k street and not wall street. >> the people did start out with a muddled message. it was healthcare.

it was anti-obama. the general sis of the tea party -- >> by the way, you missed that entirely. she was plugging her all girl band, kailey the and the k street. >> do you have sympathy toward the wall streeters? >> to be considered a serious protestor you need a powdered wig and not a sombrero. >> it is an important first step. >> he didn't say he was paying them. he said they weren't -- what was the quote, they weren't volunteers. to me all that says is the sex trade is alive and well. he was an older man surrounded by straping young lads. >> that's an interesting theory. one i won'ten -- i won't endorse. >> tim robins was there with a sign saying weed and not

greed. at that . had they won all of us over? >> absolutely. >> i i disagree with that sign because you need a little greed to get your weed in this depressed market. >> exactly. once you got the weed, the greed doesn't seem so bad until you are left with seed. >> once you've got the weed, are you not necessarily sure you -- why you are there anymore. >> when youy said goldman sachs i wasn't -- i just realized how funny that name is of -- name s. you have golden sacks for the man. the point i wanted to make is the thing i feel slightly guilty about is in the beginning we played off the stereo types because they were real. they made it very, very easy. and then you might see other people that aren't like that. and that's when you see maybe this is organic even though

you see the move on .org there. the residents near the protest are getting pissed off. women are topless in front of their toddlers. there are people using the bathrooms and leaving [bleep] everywhere. there is pounding of drums all day and night. if you want to be taken seriously, you have to move to the next era of protests or the next era of who you are and not be the next hippie who makes it easy for jackasses. i am being lazy making fun of them. however, if it is true, what do you expects of me? >> how do you go to the rally and layoff the fiber? >> prepare not to poop. >> i'm mode yum. clog yourself up and hit the park. >> don't be the pee party. >> i like that. i don't know if it is true or not. >> all i'm saying is if you

are going to use somebody's john, buy something there. bathroom? if you use somebody's bathroom, buy something there. so the people in the restaurants welcome you. this is the difference between the tea party and the pee party. at the tea party they had permits. they cleaned up after themselves. all of these businesses now are pissed off. where do these guys go? where do they go now? >> they follow the tea party. there are millions of liberals that watched the birth of the tea party. what a lot of liberals saw were angry people showing up townhomes and showing up politicians. was that the tea party? no. do i have sympathy for a group of americans -- you know, i have sympathy for it. but that's what i saw them begin as. >> but as greg said, they didn't leave messes. this is essentially a mob. they are leaving messes and going topless in front of

toddlers. it wasn't that way with the tea party. >> no, but there were signs equating the president with osama bin laden. >> one out of a crowd of a thousand. >> all it takes is one thing to slander. >> there are a plethora in this movement. >> the toddlers are actually a married couple. >> i love that. >> jack and mary toddler. >> we met them at a potluck dinner last week. >> from protesters to blockbusters, does living in a red state hate? uh cording to the hollywood reporter, your politics affects your taste in flicks. especially your conservative. the survey found 35% of republicans and 45% of tea partiers consider a celebrity's position before paying for films. so for int instance many don't want to see movies with charleston these stone because he was president of the nra

and sean penn turns off 40% of republicans and julia roberts repels 78% of dogs. >> wow. no argument here. >> that's uh amazing. >> does a person's politics affect whether or not you like a show or a movie or anything? >> most actors and musicians are liberals. you are limited if you won't watch their movies. one guy was flipping out about morgan free man and he is on the no pay, no watch list. i picture him with a laminated list, no pay, no watch. he went crazy because morgan free man was added. he had to leave work early to

go to kinkos and add him to the list. >> this sounds like the incredible hulk review, no pay, no watch. >> here is the thing, kailey, jason is saying there is such a huge amount of liberal -- is that true or is it just that there is an equal number of conservative ones and no better than to speak up? >> i absolutely agree with that. i heard rumors that angelina jolie was coming out for mccain, but obviously it was going down the drain. in terms of the story, of course i am not turned off on going to a movie if i know the actor has liberal views. where i am turned off is where it is giving me a liberal message. of a vaw tar -- avatar for intrans. >> "wizard of dogs." >> socialism. did any of those dogs pay for any of the movies? >> what was the message in "avatar"?

don't kill blue people? >> the invasion of iraq. >> james cameron made it known. >> i see a magical science fiction. >> he was against people holding their breath for a long period of time. that was a terrible, terrible joke. >> bill, you know, you won't watch "yes, sir ras sick park" because you think the rafters are not real. >> i care -- they are trying make "dolphin tale" safe for kids like they are friendly. >> get into the area into the fact they are into group sex. >> they are. that's a fact. and this is also a fact, they are the only mammals apart from humans kill each other for the fun of it. dolphins do that. >> they are sharks with smiles.

it is proof that you can get a lot further with honey than vinegar. the dolphins -- i don't know. the dolphins know that. look at the sharks they are not smiling. people don't like them. they practice it over a million years of going like this. >> picture charlie man son with a dorsal finish. that's what -- dorsal fin, that's what doll inifs are. -- dolphins are. >> i don't want to know how you know that. i didn't watch "the wall tons" because they are satanist and i didn't watch" sex and the ste sty" -- "sex and the city" and i didn't watch" dharma and greg." >> actors pretend to be other people. >> they are like drag queens. from murder to movie to

murder. what if i told you there was a secret panel of government that could americans on a kill or capture list? and there are no public records of this panel's separation or decision and there is no law that establishes the committee or establishes how it operates. you probably would say damn that evil george bush. no, this is happening now under the administration of nobel peace prize winner broom. -- barometric pressure. they say they put the al-qaeda terrorist on a list. according to routers it is fuzzy with sounds delightful in a deny built way. he is the first american to be listed there, and while the president wasn't required to approve this, he will be taken off the list. i haven't been this exiesed about anything since my days

calling races in ireland. >> i told you. everybody including myself is sick of the -- >> if bush did this thing. >> but if bush did this every lefty would be up in arms. >> it is terrible for the same reasons the enhanced -- the so-called enhanced interrogation techniques were terrible. it is an awful precedence. they were a bad men blah, blah, blah. how many years until an american citizen is executed or water boarded for no reason whatsoever. how long will it be?

>> thoughts? >> how is this less important than the "gossip girl" thing? >> you are right. that's why we made this the later story because we flipped a coin. >> that's how ideas are made. >> actually we flipped a cone. that's what you call a call back. it is a bad one. >> it is a bad call. >> i think i am the most liberal one here now scpri no problem with that whatsoever. do you want to drag him back to the u.s. and try in in front of the jurors. i think we would solve it immediately. >> he is an american hero. kailey, quickly. >> zero problem with this. certain things have to be top secret.

i trust our politicians, and that's why trust is pornts. it is not like they are going to say greg gutfeld is on the hit list. >> the fact is you find out about the person killed on the list, so it is not a secret list when it happens. bill, have you 10 seconds. >> i like cheese and also the movie "brave heart." >> i do too. by the way, fun having a list. it is gl to have a list. it is a fun list. should liberals be shipped to an island where they are forced to eat each other and star of? -- starve? next, why are white male conservatives less likely to be called skeptics? wow. i am already board by this segment.

does being a conservative white dude make you less than shrewd? a new stupid report says so. public research in the latest issue of global environmental change attemkeps to explain why people like me are less likely to believe in climate change. it is called cool dudes and among conservative white males in the u.s. note that historically white guys have had fewer obstacles in life. and it is something that would challenge the status quo is something conservative white males want to shun. conclusion? i like eggs. conservative white males ignoring the risk of climate change in this case. therefore it has to do with defending the status of their identity tied to the white male establishment. sorry about that, everyboead.

i hate it when i find out it sucks. i hope -- whatever. just watch this video. >> best part about the segment, if you ask me. >> this study boils down to if you don't like x it is because you are y. and if you go y they go it is because you are a y. that's the stuead. >> why are you anti-math? why are you opposed to matmath >> i get where you are coming from. >> if i were a pro man made

climate change i would be inisslted by this. >> i get it. here is what the study is. it is not about consenserative males. it is jocks versus nerds. sometimes jocks win like in war in this instance. -- like in war. in this instance, i think nerdz win. >> what do you make of the study? cool dudes? it is something my aunt candy -wuld come up with. >> you know what, i love your aunt. when ever i come by she has alwaguy -- >> you will hear from her on facebook. >> maybe the whole thing with conservative males, it is a sub limb national thing. >> it is white conservative males and they are the largest faction of our society. we stand opposed because i

think the sof oence would not prove otherwise but would put questions in terms of climate change. lo3 f back to 1950 and we thought an ice age was imminent. that never happened. >> the problem with the climate change is it seems to me they shut down the argument that completely that man doesn't influence his environment. >> you know who santt down the argument was people that decided it was 100% certain. >> there you go. >> that happened first. now you have the skeptics and you have an economic recession where people don't want to hear about it anymore. that's the biggest challenge is people don't care. >> i don't get a message about doubt. i get a message that is almost alwaguy anti-science. >> i am not anti-science. >> you are post science experiment. it is nothing but pain and extremes and soundproof walls. >> and although he is halfway to a human centi peeent. >> i guess, let me ask you

this, bill. you have to agree with me on this one. you disagree with me on my feelings about man made global warming. the simple point here is if you want to get published the easiest thing you could do is be pro global waran mng because this study is so bad it proves that anything could be . pblished if you are pro global warming. >> i would take the opposite route and say that is so flooded with people doing just that. if you take the opposite route you will possibly get a story on "red eye." >> there is a shorter line theory? >> yes. >> the shorter line theory works unless people doing ite approf oeal disagrees with you. a shorter line theory is you are looking for -- i don't know, what -wuld be a good example of a shorter line theory? a talking dog. there are no talking dogs. if you were a talking dog you would be the first in line.

>> but see, a it way, why am i ta@ ting about this anymore? it was a stupid topic. >> i like the dogs, the . pppies and the cats. >> if you have a comment on the show e-mail us at red eye at fox n nes .com or leave a voicemail. still to come, the half time report from jessedyoyce. he is delightful. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by beaches. the shores of a large body of water covered by sand, gravel or rock fragments. thantim, peaches.

welcome back. let's find out if we have anything wrong so far. for that we go todyessedyrce. >> what's up, greg, how are you? >> i'm great, good to see you. >> good to see you too. based on your wardrobe you can take time out from apple picking to be here. >> actually this is what i wear when i do a children's show in the morning. t is called "fun with greg" and i wear my sherbert. my name is captain ice cream. >> nice. classy. i like it. i also really appreciate that you asked me to do this after three and a half years of being on the show. how many people were on the list before me i would like to know. >> it wasdyohn devore, but he wanted to be on the table.

kailey, and we had a couple people working in the floor cr ne that wanted to do it. there was that homeless guy, vic. >> when you gave me the call i thought surely dane gnaw -- dana is fighting sexual harassment chame tes or couldn't find a clean come -- a clean cumberbun. john, you mentioned when you were talking about the tea party, you referenced their disdain for scrooge mcduck and ds abead war bisdtim. >> yes. >> i don't know from you aware, but scrooge mir a spinoff character from the dakenzian lesson about the evils of capitalism. >> right. and i think the tea partierwas the wall streeters they love

"a christmas carol" it makes them ss ab because at the end of the story a rich man has to take care of a lazy [bleep]. >> that's exactly what i learned from it. >> and he was haunted by ghosand,, terrorizeent. >> kailey, you said that if they offered a job, any of these people woulddyustdyump at the chance to work for goldman sachs. not true. i found out golferean sachs has aohery strict white guy with dreadlock hiring policy. >> you are right. they would have to get cleaned up first, but i'm sure they would do it to work at goldman sachs. -wuldn't you? straighten up your tie and take off the earrings? >> is the implication that i am not clean at the moment? >> yes. you are a dirty individanaoy >> well, i was under the

impression that i showered up and everythinad >> we have never met, but i can smell you from here. >> she didn't say whether it is a bs ab smell. >> it is bs ab. >> my previous shows with dana. obviously. >> you need a powdered wig to protest. apparently you need a powdered wig to be convicted in cans aba. not one of my best. i thought i was pleasant smelling. >> you know what she has done? she heckled you and put you off your game. >> i have. >> pretty white girl is comedy kryptonite. there is very little i can say to her where everyohiewer -wn't turn on me. they can laugh at your silly

pink sweater, but the second i make fun of kailey i am a jackass. >> it is unfair. >> it is totally unfair. >> gre fa i thoedyht it was adorable you got so personally tickled by the fact that golferean sacldd is a fun it ne because it had gold and saks in it. i don't know if you know thiwas --t there is a company in an offshore banking situation in the philippines that is called gold impotent house boy. >> did you know that you were ta@ ting about many of the protesters down there are going to the bathroom in mcdonaldgol >> really sf. >> yes. i heard a guy on the radio talking about it and i thoedyht that was interesting because mcdonalds is one of the more cor interprety corporations you can go to. >> and the batn incretd -- incredited plea clean. gi that's true. unlike mknow apparently.

>> but aren't they sticking it to the man? >> nicely done. >>ohery nice. >> did you see how i did that with my gesture? >> so you did. >> by the way, you and greg were both reminiscing about the married couplknow the toddlers? i hate to inform you that they separated citing irreconcilable adorableness. and biltio you also mentioned that dolphin rtz only animals that kill their own kinds. that could not possibly less accurate. every wild cat will murder their oyou t babies when a n ne male cat comes. did you do any research on that at all? >> no, you miss heard me. i said for sport. they do it for pleasure. male wild cats will do it for -- they are not having fun with it. >> how are you able to tell

the disposition of the dolphin. >> look how happy the dolphin is. that's what a dolve does. >> we will bring in a zoo ole cdost, but i think you will lose that one. >> i thought that was good. that was stellar. >> i disagree. >>dyesse, he has used that point three times on this show. no one has questioned it exces is for you. >> i am looking this point up and read it at a date to be named later. >> we can walk outside around time square and see two rats eating each other's faces oaw. it happens all the time. >> rats are very loving. >> i think i haveohery little john says that it is a nerdz versus joctim thing. i don't thinkdyoctim ever label themselves as jocks. it is nerds who label jocks, jocks. >> right, we believe in the

scientific process. >> oh god. you make me sick. >> i was getting to the fact that you are lumping yourself in as a nerent. >> n ow iform ady, yoblis >> you are a combination. you are a jerd. >> and las up a out that in 1950 they predicted a new ice age. that can't be entirely still believed that you could get polio from eating under cohe there was no such thing as chinese people. >> great pmints. go work on your smell. >> watch yourself, lady. >> i have some per -- perfume. >> i am giving it back to grerd. >> nice job there, jesse. i am going to the tease now. you don't want to show the video? isn't it weird how it seems i am talking to n didody? what is the best way to punctuate an intellectual point?

joy the devore discan wsses his ma myzine article. there he goes. >> what's this? a story about guns and pot? h i must have died and gone to gun and pot heaven.

should you face gun control because you smoked a bowl? the bureau of alcohol, tobacco and firearms thinks so. zotknow a it person who uses r is addicted to marijuana is prat itibited by federal law frm possessing firearms or ammunition. this week, the montana attornest general sent a letter of response to attorney general complaining the policy raises, zote a myin, serious le myl issues under the second amendment and due process and at dauses of the fifth

amenfereent. i'm sorry. >> that was dramatic. >> the issue first came to the s abmaruld after gun sellers, i love, this asked the agency for s abvice due to customers using their medical marijuana card as identificatiot? very smart. that's what we love about stoners. let's go live to the grillin fa chilling chimp for analysis. your thought? >> looks like munchies is

doing what munchies does best, and can you blame him? where is your head in all of this? >> my head is not here right now. i am kind of hungry and sleepy, but besides that -- no serious it is like an amendment issue. it is ridiculous. alcohol abuse can happen as often as marment anana abuse. >> good point, jason. what about the other controlled sntsstance that are allowed to buy guns? if are you a meth head you can't get your guns a it more? is what is this world coming to? >> i think we shoulddyust get tounk. >> i don't think that is safe. >> well, that's how we -- that's how we won the -- >> you don't want the potheads to mistake the guns for the gun ldyuhters and shoot

themselves in the face. >> that's actually a really good point. >> devorknow despite the fact that -- forget that. >> hi. >> i am pissed because people -evedthere is a double stanhapprd. drunks are more likely to shoot people. tountim are more l3 yely to be violent. when you go into a bar a stoner never pictim a fdyuht with you. pothea-- have a gun. >> i hav -- i have said on this platform pro gun rdyuhts, pro gay rights and pro gun to write. i want an america where tpy men can brunch and oil their ar15's bait. >> it is a dream. >> i would l3 ye to run your campaign. >> should people be mixing mariandana and amokunition? >> n ow but the fact of the matter is this is symptomatic

of obama nagcdong on the uno. >> when he is -- he is starting to crackdown. i don't know if it is an election year thing. he is cracking down on these guys he was laying oaw of for , and for every hippie going in to get their medical marijuana cahi., a lot of py.ple neesk3 and i am usually not that angry, but i am angry rdyuht noro >> tharams a weird thing though too. this is a states rdyuht issue. califoderiaohoted and it is legal. this is the federal government trying to keep the states out. >> here is what bugs me before we move on. eric holder has a problem with pothea-- didn't have a problem with mexican drug lor-- guns and walking guns into

places that end up killing people. 3 gumehow some guy whose bdyugest sin is eating too many funyons -- >> those are good. >> they r. bill went to -- >> rs abdyuast to do a thing on oktoberfest. >> and you wen@ t kailey. and i found some extra footage. >> what? >> i feel like she is getting a lot of lootim, but no chicks seem to be talking to me. maybe i am not showing enoedyh lerij >> that was eddie. >> did you give him a number? >> yes. ab3 gulutely. >> did you see him? of course i did. tall, handsome, muscular, smelled good. anddyesse. both of them.

>> she hates you, jesse. we are taking a break. comarng up, a special edition of mail time.

it is back. mail timknow the aople.ress is d este at fox n nes .com. send me something to read and i will res ab it. i am busy with my charity work so i will let the red eye robots answer the mai to to mnthia lea-- please don't share my e-mail address or the state i live in. herman canknow i guess you can call me a caneanine. what can he not do? >> cynthdown, i hope you are enjopping the lovely pennsylvania today. mr. cane is great, and yes there is not much he cannot do. but one of the things he cannot do is be a r, yoket ar,ientist. that -- a rocket science. that does not make sense. what makes sense is as soon as this serdment is over i will be tweeting your e-mail to my 40 marllion followeethi >> he's adyerblis

marianne, aloha. i usually don't e-mail because i'm sure it ends up in adyunk folder. thanks for including herman cane. him and make up their own mind. >> marianne, thank you for flpping all the way to california just to send an e-mail. hopefully there will be an intederet danie connecting your tiny island nation to the rest of the world. and yes your ethemail did end up in the junk folder to prevent this from happening a myin. please mmaile to the uuld states of america. it is a great country with ruar,iing water in every town and diawerent types of mustard. >> thees right. offis writese dna -- dana wonder why they never address from the oval offito mn? >> you have ms abe a grave marstake. never send an e-mail that addresses the lmailely dancom

let alone send it to us. you will pay for this era. i will be at your house tomorrow ndyuht. --t it will be too late by the time you see my face. so i willdyust say goodbye. >> finally oliver ethemails us. i got an e-mail from bob beckls. the day is at its end. >> thankse obviously you were referring to greg gutfeld. the fact that you even m gened up the two makes me wonder if you know him. anyone who has seen them together know they look nothing alike. he is a 6 foot 5 blonde cdown don'om the swedish gods who can bench press the ikea cat tau log and looks great indyeans. grerd is a ss ab excuse for a man. >> can't argue with that. we will close things out with a post game wrap up from jesse joyce.

see clips from recent shows fom nne u, jcom/red ed d.wha

back to jesse for the post game wrap up. >> jason, where can py.ple lohe >> go to the website www. drunk and funny .com and marsitter dethidyason cantoethi >>dyat itn, what are you doing this thursday? >> thurshappy 2:00 p.m. the premiere of the ring on howard 101. >> kailey, or pretty if you were home schooled, where can we find your articles on-line? >> yes, the daily -- you can inynd my historical proinyle there. >> back to greg. >> thank you. well donknowdyesse for a first time. i think you did a great job, kailey. uld ♪ new john devorknow bd d.wha