>> bob: we do not know their sexual orientation. >> eric: nine seconds. we have to get out of here. thank you for watching "the five." see you tomorrow, everybody welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld, host of this month's october-fist to be held behind the appleby's dumpster. there will be beer and fun and blood. andy levy is off tonight. he is not feeling well. filling in is a comedian by the name of jesse joyce. he is fresh from his goodfellas re-enactment group. jesse, what is coming up on the show? >> i am being to think this is like fight club and there never really was an andy levy. first up on the show, kanye west. his day was brief as he had to swing by children's hospital and show the kids how fast he could move around without crutches.

then off to a homeless shelter to show him pictures of his compound in bermuda. and also tonight, california passes a bill making it illegal to openly carry an unloaded firearm. this comes as a huge blow to the entire los angeles firearms fashion community. and finally as we all know, venezuela has some of the most lawless driving conditions in the world. so the city of cawacas has introduced 120 mimes who blow through red lights. that's right. venezuela has figured out a way to rid their city of mimes. >> thank you. i look forward to your humor this evening. >> this will be the greatest night of our life. let's welcome our guest. she is so hot she can melt the sun by holding a magnifying glass over her head. i am here with fox business director shibani joshi. and he is should sharp you can poke an eye out with his face.

and you can see his ears through his nose. my repulsive sidekick, bill schulz. and if intelligent commentary was a tab let, trucker s who take them in a men's m roo. next to me, tucker carlson. editor in chief of "the daily caller." and it is the liberal rag that makes us gag. it is our "new york times" correspondent. good to see you, pinch. >> camera, oh. what is black and white and read all over, the punch line used to be yours truly, but after viewing this guff i can safely say this pick -- this particular picture owns the market on those three colors and the color brown.

>> are we going move ahead now? >> will they stay bold until it gets cold? well that's what bloom is betting. the new york mayor and tortoise-like creature michael bloomberg says the scam ps can camp out indefinitely telling the wall street journal he has no idea how long the protests will last, but adding that, quote, part of it probably has to do with the weather. it lately has been lovely. i have been out there sun bathing. some the downtown protesters are moving uptown because that's where the wealthy are. the occupy yes, sirs protested outside the homes of j.p. morgan chase's ceo, libertarian billionaire david coke and news corp's own rupert murdoch. well, the richie riches are being targeted for, quote, their willingness to hoard wealth at the expense of 99%.

oddly, these millionaires remain unmolested. kanye west made an appearance at due caw tee park wearing a $355 da vinci plaid shirt 1k3* gold chains. as is russell and more than 100 counter parts were arrested for fortress passing. and president obama wants to be clear the supporters of the private property he supports these private property trespassers while the evil republicans do not. here is the senior advisor on some show on ties. >> you are concerned about wall street and our financial system. the president is in the middle class and a lot of these republicans are basically saying, you know what, let's go back to the same policys that lead to the great recession in the first place. >> you are boring. honestly, these stories are coming at me faster than a sneezing fit from a chiuaua.

>> i think that sums everything up nicely. that was marching down wall street, i would give everything to that sneezing chiuaua. welcome back to the show. >> thank you, greg. >> lovely tie-shirt combination. marching to people's homes is kind of creepy? >> kind of cameroo gr e. the idea is so stupid it is hard to take it seriously. that's because america's fund mental problems are caused by 1% of the population that is too high. the truth is we are broke because the middle class entitle ment's -- entitlements whose fruits we all enjoy, and these morons think jamie diamond had his salary cut in half, we would be richer.

you have to be stupid to believe that. it is an opportunity to have sex with strangers in parks. >> and by the way, that is a noble reason for doing that. >> absolutely. >> you don't need a rally. >> that's friday nights. >> all you need is an imaginary dog you are walking. >> here is a bit of advice, don't go to bryant park during movie night. it is a family-friendly area and you don't do it. >> we have learned about that. >> we did a whole segment on that. michael, kanye wore gold chains. what did i say, kayne? >> i think that is right. >> he wore thousand-dollar jeans. that's about $500 a leg, i think. >> that's a lot of leg. >> appropriate? super appropriate? >> greg, i brought a quote with me, but nobody else has discovered that there is a quote from kanye, 2010 on his twitter feed and excuse the

grammar it is kanye. the only thing i don't like is taxes. me and taxes gone fight. i think that means -- it is like they are gone fight or something. i don't think he understands the protest. it is a bit ridiculous to go -- they don't like rich people that are creating thousands of jobs on wall street, but they do love this guy who he has like a grill made of chrome or something. nobody seemed to notice. and they were attacking him. i thought they were going to tear him apart because he is the 1% who is super rich. >> celebrity trumps ideology. it is like, oh my gosh, a famous person! if kanye offered them a job as his valet, they would have taken it. >> no two occupy wall street. if you want to legit myself

your movement don't put kanye west in front of everybody and say this guy represents us. he doesn't pay taxes. he sings songs. he is the man. he is the man. make sure you -- who are you putting up there will fight. >> will this hurt the market at all? or this event? >> it hasn't so far. i think the whole problem with this occupy wall street movement is it doesn't know what it is about. they don't know if they are about wall street or taxes and freeing tibet. until they figure out what their act is they won't know what is going to happen. they are grabbing headlines and they are having goodes there and an unsanitary condition. and they are making noise. >> bill, we talked about this topic for uh while and we talked about the familiar ground. we talked about the sanitation and the direction. i want to move the ball forward and sound like i know what i am doing, when in fact i don't. have you had luck with the

easy, hippie dudes? >> well, i learned that they are quite discerning. they actually will thought have sex with any old tom, dick or harry or bill. this has been inspiring. as an plern -- as an american i hope to one day that will achieve success that will leave hoards of hippies deficating. it can happen to anyone. it is the american dream. >> it is not as much fun as you think it is. >> first of all, i would be one of the few houses that would prepare and would have a tarp. i just want to see what will congregate around me. >> leave the front door open. >> come on in hippie dudes. >> i'm sure somebody will find your address and put it on the web tomorrow. >> i don't have an address. my box moves. >> it is bloomberg saying that you can stay there indefinitely.

at first i thought he just handed private property over to these people. >> right because the park from which they are being stage said privately owned. >> correct. is he playing it safe saying we look bad and in two months it will be snowing and these guys will be gone? but i don't think that will happen. >> nobody wants to be mayor daily -- mayor daly. he is bowing to the mob as they all do ultimately. the trick is these people are not there randomly. it is back edz by the democratic -- it is backed by the democratic party. >> he doesn't want them near the house. >> he is like, hang out downtown, but just don't come up. stay downtown. >> is this going to hurt -- the democrats supporting him, michael, isn't that a pretty

risky thing? i do believe there are legitimate people there, but there is also a lot of idiocy. they are the usual suspects. if something happened, couldn't this hurt them? >> i think it could hurt them if nothing happens. it is like hitching your wagon to these guys. it is the working party who said we are the 99%, yet they only got 2% of the vote. >> if you are an adult and have kids and a family, how dare you waste a working day at the park deficating? >> the point is, you could be working -- you could be working at -- i don't know. >> i do want to point out that my old chum tucker has definitely pigeoned -- pigeon

holed them. >> we have one defication. >> type in protesters deficating and it will blow your minds. >> i have had that google alert for years. >> i like these guys. i agree with what they seem to say. but they are not that smart. they brought up the weather thing and they should have thought ahead. this is getting toward late in the fall. why occupy wall street when you can occupy sara toe tau? >> they will wind up in key west. >> absolutely. they are made for that. >> new york will shut down in a few weeks. >> you can't tell the difference between the people who live on the streets in l.a. and people who live in l.a. >> the bell got dirty feet.

everybody in l.a. has dirt ea feet. it is a fact and you can look it up. >> we are going to stand here and wait. i will wait later. from occupying the streets to packing heat, we will know more open carrie thanks to jerry, brown that is. they put into law brandishing barettas in public. they were said to carry unloaded weapons wherever, but people rejected because they felt afraid when they saw firearms in public places. quote, they are tied up dealing with calls about gun toning -- gun toting men and women. it is not safe and nun will get hurt. you know what else is not safe, uh apparently mountain biking.

>> that had to be planned. >> that was vengeance for every dear that tried to cross on i-95, that was their revenge. >> it goes to show you that even animals hate bicyclists. >> they don't know the embarassing parts of riding a bicycle. >> does california have a right to tell people they can't carry a weapon? >> first, california was bankrupt and now it is no fun. they are taking away tanning and the guns and the beer out of the convenes -- convenience store? >> in this economy? >> how can we do this story

over that story. >> how did i miss that? >> are you questioning my confidence right now. >> you can't tan, apparently if you are under the age of 18. >> most of the people in l.a. don't need to tan. catch my meaning, it is a new mexico, am i right, guys? >> thanks, sheriff. >> we should dress them all in pink. >> this is a state releasing criminals for lack of prison space. they are paying the prison guards $300,000 a year and medical and dental. and they can't afford it any mar. gins they don't live there anymore -- >> many of you are carrying unrelated weapons which is the last on my list to do. >> the way i look at it, you can't tell an armed criminal from an armed citizen. my . is an armed criminal wouldn't have the gun out.

an armed citizen would. >> his would be loaded. is there some sorted of epidemic of pistol whipping. oh my gosh it is a safety issue. they can no longer carry guns, but don't work. i understand what this is all about. >> you and your paperweight is dangerous. and yes i do hate california even more now. >> i love california. >> sorry, i do like california. >> what is next? the -- second of all i don't want to live in a world where gary by is walked around where it was california losing its right to a well-regulated ma slish shaw. can you imagine? the uniforms alone. it would be the most fabulous militia this side of militiaville. >> are you less likely to rob

a place if there is a guy in a holster. we know that. that makes the state less faff. the gun free zones as everybody knows our shooting gallery, you are more likely to walk into the zone. and lastly, i like to put my thoughts to gun in a holster. jay you know what isn't delicious? what they do to my thighs. >> it is not like i haven't noticed. >> >> that doesn't even mean anything. >> it is delightful. >> can we leave here? >> there is something going on, sister, and i don't like it either. talk to him because i am not. is tunneler carlton

discusses his hip hope when we return. >> and why is new york police going under cover at city colleges, you have no idea how the tease really works. you do, do you. story. that was kind of confusing. it has been a long day.

well, spying on college kids was never less sexy, and i should know. the new york police department has been infiltrating muslim groups at city colleges and placing undercover agents in their ranks. the surveillance is part of a secret nypd intelligence gathering effort. it puts muslim communities under watch. says one college elementary

education major, yes, they exist. we come to the room, we talk, we chill. don't know what that means. if another sister comes into the room and she's not a cop, that's not cool. sounds like she is hiding something. one law professor said one university signed a statement warning that such an separation may have violated students' civil rights. a new york pd commissioner ray kelly says -- ray kelly says police only follow leads and do not single groups out on religion. tv's andy levy wanted to comment on the story, but since he he couldn't be here, let's go live to him in his apartment.

>> this is what we do to get sick on our staff. >> i told you he does p war -- he doesn't wear boxer briefs. >> give credit where credit is due. >> how would you like to tape that one? >> that's why he is sick. >> it voferls college students -- involves college students -- well, almost all young men. what is wrong with muslim students? >> if you are a more ron who hates western education. you are right. i don't think the methodists are coming under scrutiny. i still don't like it. >> you don't like it? >> it makes me uncomfortable. the expansion of law enforcement after 9/11 is a mixed blessing. some is good and some is bad. i am grateful for that. even if you are not a lefty,

stopping and saying -- justify what you are doing. what specifically are you doing? >> it is a mixed blessing. it is awesome and it is really, really awesome. is that a mixed blessing? >> it is having some fat muss stash guy grope you when you are trying to get on an airplane. >> what are you talking about? that's what i dream about. >> there is so much that is awesome. >> what do you think, shibani? they turned their attention to college when's they heard about a student wanting to be a martyr and they went in that direction. >> i agree with tucker. there are better ways to deal with this. start from a grassroots effort. go into the mosque and befriend leaders in the mosque. this is a violation of privacy. you can't stand for it because

once you violate privacy and acts of freedom we get into a slippery slope. >> i will dispute it is an invasion of privacy. i still want to open the water theme park on a slippery slope. >> we were talking about this. and it is not copyrighter. >> that's not technically a water theme park. we haven't figured out a way to get back up. >> every slide has a slippery slope scenario at the top cht. and it is going to be awesome. >> it is fun up there. but when you end up down there you are like an evil racist. u.s. need one by the time you get down there. you are an evil wet, racist. >> and we will have a small thing saying there are cameras everywhere, including the

locker room. to avoid any type of legal mishap. but it will be great. >> i have a feeling because you are a libertarian you agree even more. i did like the george wallace conversation. i'm sorry. i have to agree with these hippies. it was a pretty thin read. they went on a paintball excursion and they did cricket and basketball. it is teams like -- where was the evidence -- somebody said they wanted to be a martyr. they didn't have anyone they could quote on that. >> they were just saying that to get rid of you. >> we all do. but it seemed like it was bad policing. especially today when there was an actual plot with an iranian operative. >> we all know why that was released today, right? >> timing. >> timing.

>> older. >> trying to create a distraction. >> broad left wing conspiracy. >> here is the thing, bill, this is my point, they say we thwarted 13 plots. if we did, we wouldn't be having this discussion. police have been so effective. >> they have been effective, but the largest population that has said something, muslims. muslim americans have been instrumental to go from the neighbor's place. they foiled 40 attacks and they had nothing to do that. you have to look at a situation like this where you have mainstream american muslims and they are being

investigated by the man through nothing they have done themselves. you have to wonder if this will affect them reporting things. >> and by the way, hand in your libertarian card, please. >> i wonder how much of the muslim community are they talking about here? i bet not a lot. >> based on what? >> this is my show. i don't need research. >> greg, you are totally right. i completely agree. >> i thank you for that. >> i hope you have me back on the show. >> i on the other hand will no longer appear on "red eye." >> have i done research for so many stories. do you have a comment on the show? e-mail us at red eye at fox news .com. you can be a libertarian and still do stuff like that. >> slippery slope is also the

name of ed asner's forehead. >> direct mail. you can get uh hold of me there. the direct line. what am i saying? i think something is wrong with my brain. still to come, the half time hadn't from jesse joyce. he is the new and better andy levy. it is sponsored by buffalo racing. the cattle compete against cash prizes .'s thanks, buffalo race -- racing.

welcome back. let's find out if we got anything wrong so far. for that we go to mr. jesse joyce. jesse, how are you doing? >> i'm good. how are you? >> fantastic. >> the last time you were on you made a comment about my shirt, and so i fired back and said that you look like a middle aged dennis the menace if he grew up to be a gay dentist. i just wanted to come on tonight and remind everyone how funny that was. >> that was a perfect opportunity for you to say i look like dr. health trying out for the part of the devil in "dam yankees" and you blew it.

>> i was trying to fix my shirt. >> seriously, the protestors are simply using this as an excuse to have sex in parks. i know one person who will be upset by that piece of information. that is actor michael parks. >> disgusting. >> also, i took your advice and i googled civil unrest and deficat scpe it took me to the visit germany tourism site. >> that is a culture obsessed with its own excrement. >> that is weird. >> it is weird. >> the pearl of wisdom says aids is a man neighed disease. it was a place in africa breaking up the black panthers. >> i don't think i said that. >> you did not? >> no, but i was thinking it. >> oh. >> you know what you did? it was a beginner's mistake. you read his talking .

he didn't say it. >> i didn't use that joke. >> you should have. it got kind of a laugh. >> it was funny when kanye said it and it would be even funnier when i say it. >> he also said that kathy lee needed regis the way you all needed jesus and that's a stupid one also. there is no mystery as to why the president supports the mobs. what is the political strategy? is it a good idea to align yourself with 50,000 bongo players and tim robins? >> no, but it is a good idea to blame it on popular minority to cover your own failings. he took ownership of the economy. the economy is in the tank. blame 1%. that's the playbook for every demigog.

>> i would like to protest railing against the 1 percenters. are they aware the pagan motorcycle club calls themselves the 1 percenters. >> and the hells angels too. >> you should be careful because we will have another hippies versus the bikers. it will be like the rolling stones all over again. you pointed out the whole dream act. there is no beer in grocery stores. you forgot to mention no possessing shark fins. >> again, no fun. why go to california ever again. you can't have your shark fins. >> i am simply suggesting if we start fitting them with prosthetic fins we have the feel goodiest movie of all time. >> it is not the same thing. >> fair enough. i agree. and michael, you mentioned that how many pistol whippings there are in berkeley, you did in fact mention that, did you not?

>> i have been fan tau sizing about it all week. >> and you also said that's another reason why you hate californians? >> yes. >> but you were trusting that all californians who say their guns are not loaded in fact aren't. i would just like to point out a statistic to you that there were 776 people murdered accidentally because their gun was not loaded this year. >> in california? >> in america. >> i don't think that's true. >> it is true. >> speaking of, bill, there was not a dear that hit the biker. it is the largest african antel. >> wouldn't it be awesome if mike huckabee owned a sessaby. >> and secondly when did this turn into tosh.0. >> we used those videos. i won't even give you more publicity by mentioning --

>> i just want to say that you saying that the words delicious and your size in the same sentence made me throw up more than andy levy and he has been out for a week now. >> are you welcome. >> that report from andy levyy. that's exactly how i was imagining and suspecting how he did the half time report which is why i brought my own chair. >> you mentioned scrutinizing muslim students, and i googled the phrase and you said fat groping and you know what came up? a visit germany tourism site. >> i am so with you. >> it smacks of the conduct on the campus in the 1960s. and we all remember how ineffective that was when

russia invaded us. >> and everyone is all up in arms about the parade of heading uptown. what has been over looked is the real tragedy which is the parade that happened today where more than thousands of new yorkers went out to support the columbus parade. congratulationss on that. >> kudos. that place is lovely. >> there were no newspapers. >> he insisted on calling them indians anyway. >> my friends -- he is indian. you mean he is cherokee? that jackass -- >> as an indian i am offended he thinks we all look alike. >> exactly. not cool. >> back to you, greg. >> thank you, jesse. i shall see you in about 18 minutes or so.

coming up, andy levy is dead tired of sitting at home and taking his medicine. get well soon, andy. take care of the cats. and what is with venezuela an mimes? my guess is it is probably something.

what are you doing, bill? >> i had a fingernail in my teeth. maybe i can use the string. >> don't do that. she wasn't feeling the rush. i speak of a texas woman suing the local police for forcing her to listen to rush limbaugh. bridgeen nicker son boyd said she was arrested for driving on the shoulder after pulling off the highway because her engine was steaming. on the way to jail the sheriff deputy cranked up and was making derogatory comments about black people.

now boyd is suing for defamation and inflix of emotional distress. is we must discuss all things rush in the -- >> lightning roooooouuuunnd. lightning round. >> yea. what are are yo thoughts on this? should she be able to sue because she didn't like what was on the radio? >> no. and by the way, it is total nonsense that she got -- she was arrested for driving on the shoulder? you don't get arrested for driving on the shoulder, and clearly the woman is a bit mentally challenged. shy got out of the car and the -- she got out of the car because the station wasn't the right station. and rush limbaugh was making some heuch racist -- i haven't heard about this, but eric bowler was off that day and nobody heard about it. if you check in with media matters you can tell she is lying. >> i would like to -- if someone read the story, she

wasn't riding on the shoulder. she was riding on the pedestrian shoulder. >> the last thing you should be thinking about on the back of a cop car is rush limbaugh. >> what country -- really, it goes back to trough -- it goes back to paternity leave. anybody who gives paternity lives is bound to -- >> what about maternity leave? that's what i thought. shibani, -- >> are you joking? let's not get into this. >> i am just kidding. >> who wants to hear a woman complaining for six weeks. >> i am for paternity leave. when my brother is born i take time of on. >> when your college pals are in town. >> yes, a fraternity leave. we take off and drink some

brewskis. i don't really have brothers. shibani, let me try and ask a question. >> okay. >> i for goat what it was. the charges are been dropped and do you think this was a legitimate case? >> what we were talking about? >> he was doing somebody. >> let's talk about the paternity leave again. >> here is the thing, bill, what is the worst thing you have had to listen to in the back of the cop car? was it a male wrestler wheeping for his mother? >> no, but the officer saw the weeping and turned on "it's raining men." after the fourth time it got a little annoying. >> you and danny bonn gnaw due chee were stuck in the back of the car. >> this is a ridiculous lawsuit. suing because of rush limbaugh. what is the story? >> so many sawyer on repeat.

>> ♪ looking to the limelight jew i >> i prefer to look into the lime line. california schools are cracking down on two high schools that issued color-coded id cards. based on standardized test scores. the incentive program allowed the highest scoring students campus privileges and discounts. the lowest scoring kids got nothing and had to stand in line, a separate cafeteria line as they were beat with broken bottles. not true. critics say it discriminated against students with test anxiety and whatever else. test anxiety, have you ever heard of that before? >> no, that is like paternity leave. they didn't have that when i was a kid. >> don't we all have test anxiety? >> who doesn't? i loik -- i like the idea. if you want to succeed, you

can have a performance in atlanta. >> is atlantis nice? >> i see the commercials. if you are at the manager's convention. >> you get to go there for three days. >> the only way to find out is a trip from atlantis corporate. >> you knew we would mention it over and over again. >> i am told their suites are paw lay shall. >> you could go swiming with manatees. >> really? >> it is a man in an oversized t-shirt. >> you know what would not sway me? i have no idea what i was talking about. the second story we have pretty much gone off the rails. shibani, if i ask you what you think of this, will you remember? >> i will. and what were we talking about? standardized test scores. i think parents should be responsible for setting

boundaries and rewarding school children and not the school system. test scores do not a child make. >> i agree with you. i revised my view on that. i think you are right. >> she is very persuasive. >> and now let's work on paternity leave. >> there was a great graphic and as an irish american from boston, the school was called john f. kennedy high school with a fighting irish man. >> that's not real. >> it jus didn't look like kennedy. >> you know what, sit there and drink your whisky and eat your potato chips. >> greg, do you have a question? >> i think i am a kwee -- a wee bit irish. >> it was named after kennedy, the long-time dj. up ahead, fans with more

stuff ahead.

can muted clowns get them to slow down? that's the idea as the capital of venezuela known as caracas has deployed 120 mimes to

silently shame bad drivers into obeying the rules. the odd approach copies the successful mimes versus traffic campaign in columbia. why are we doing this, bill? you dated a mime for two years. how frustrating was it when you called him on the phone? >> terrible. and you know i am a talker. if we have problems we need to talk them through. if you sit there in silence you won't get through anything. >> i that -- i hate that remark. sean needs to get into this. the mime suits are funny. >> what do you make of this idea? >> i have never heard of this place called caracas that you have made up. apparently they are honey combed with mimes. that city couldn't get any

worse, i think chghts. it has a higher murder race than bag -- than baghdad. let me just say that is true. this is a great had idea. dak -- this is a great idea. >> from you going to be a crack pot dictator, you should at least have a sense of humor. >> traffic rate down and murder rate up. >> the worst thing you want to do is drive over them. >> thank you. >> they love the earth. >> salk invented the cure for polio. he was a mime. >> the nonprofit. >> we will close things out with a post game wrap up with jesse joyce. go to fox news .com/red eye.

back to jesse joyce for the post game wrap up. >> so manienfuriating things in that one. where can we see more of you? >> every day on the fox business network. 2:00 p.m. >> and if you don't have it -- >> tucker, there is a lot of grassroots organization campaigns on your behalf for next year's nobel peace prize. is that true? why are millions demanding that the nobel committee honor you for your work? >> that's a good question. go on lining and look at the prairie fire. >> michael, tell me about the swedish poetry. >> that's a strange question. oddly enough i do have an answer for that. the only thing i have to plug is from yesterday when i read about the swedish poet, and now thomas transformer i