" >> hello, everybody. i'm eric bolling along with kimberly guilfoyle, ben bernanke, andrea tantaros, and greg gutfeld. it's 5:00 in the big city. this is "the five." a packed show tonight. who's a conservative, a rhino, who's crazier than your cousin eddie? we'll break it down. plus, lady gaga's assistant says she was a slave to the pop star, and you won't believe the demands she had to meet. and like a crack addict needing a fix, bill maher goes on another offensive rant for attention. his target? christians and tim tebow. this time he went too far.

i had to respond. we have those details and much more. "the five" starts right now. >> our top story, a week from today, 2012, presidential hopefuls will square off in the iowa caucuses. some polls have ron paul in a strong position, but listen to what dick morris has to say about the texas congressman. >> ron paul cannot defeat barack obama. he's really by far the most liberal, radical candidate of the bunch. nobody other than ron paul wants to dismantle our military. nobody other than ron paul wants to legalize heroin. nobody other than ron paul wants to repeal the patriot act and leave us essentially without defenses against terrorism. >> ron paul, not the most conservative of the bunch. >> i guess it's like saying, you

know, snooky is the least tan on the "jersey shore." i'm not sure what that means. when i see ron paul, i don't see the left or right, i see the curmudgeon, which is a reaction to the left and right, or to the republicans and liberals. they hate everybody, and they operate on an agenda that can't possibly work. it's the last time you saw this was probably ross perot, right? >> what do you think? >> legalizing drugs and heroin, that's as liberal as you get. >> that's a conservative one, too, right? individual responsibility. >> no. >> i want legalization. >> it won't play well in iowa. that's definitely not a conservative platform. i will say this, when you look at the supporters he has in iowa, a lot of independents, democrat based on the way you can vote in these caucuses, so he's not cornering the conservative market. only has 56% of republican support. i tend to agree with dick morris on this. >> are you going to explode? >> no, not at all.

i'm in a holiday mood. let me just say, this i usually don't comment on dick's analysis, but i will here briefly. first of all, you have to understand the historical context of libertarians. it goes back a long, long way. they've held the same positions for a long, longtime. he's been on both the republican ballots and presidential ballots as a libertarian. libertarians who follow this guy agree you that ought to legalize drugs. they agree we should not have been in iraq. he's got a fervent group of followers who are libertarian. that's not conservative, nor liberal. >> is it just that group that they're polling? at least the western parts of the state is very conservative, and they don't agree with legalizing heroin and pot. >> and prostitution. >> think about this for a second, pulling our military back from everywhere, though, the whole world. >> i don't agree with that. he believes in isolationism. it's very dangerous. his foreign policy is reckless

in every regard. i totally disagree with his policies, his opinion on drugs, whether or not she should be prosecuted. i don't know that i'd call him liberal, that he's just unsuited to be president. >> you can't label libertarian. the america first movement that came us out of world war ii, the libertarians are strongly against it, this is a unique kind of person and a unique political philosophy that doesn't have a category. >> i don't think we're disagreeing that he's a libertarian. he is. we're seeing some of his positions -- >> some? some? >> -- fall under the liberal column. >> i got to disagree. the drug piece of his belief -- the anti--israel stuff is found on the far left, the progressive movement, the people who hate israel. >> right. >> on the drug piece, you're finding more and more conservatives are believing that's the only way to go that, the war on drugs is essentially lost, and that we go back to

individual consequences of your own actions. >> i want to move on, but before we go i'd lake to vehemently disagree with you. i think the far right conservatives are saying, no, that's not what we're about. >> you didn't say that last night when we were getting high. >> don't say progressives are against israel. >> here we go. >> let's move on. >> we could talk about this the whole show. >> here's a new romney ad. >> do we have to? >> i'll make government simpler, smaller, returning programs back to states and finally making government itself more efficient. i'm going to get rid of obama careful. it is a moral imperative for america to stop spending more money we take in. it's killing jobs and it's keeping our kids from having bright prospects they deserve. >> oh, my goodness. >> kimberly, you said he touched you -- >> i know. what i meant -- >> she was talking about bob. >> yeah. bob touched me physically,

romney figuratively. when did i prefer? stay tuned to the end of the show. romney when he talked about his wife, that was it for me. this was a guy who i felt had a heart and soul, when he said this is my soulmate, this is my best friend, talked about his wife being sick, the struggles they went through, we can get through this, he just wanted her to live, even if it was a chronic condition. >> you weren't so touched. >> i know, it got you too. >> that ad, first of all, i don't know who did that ad. i did those by the thousands, and that one was good for a congressional district race, but that's the first time that mitty has seen a cornfield, i'll say that. good for him. listen, this guy is doing one thing that's obvious, trying to come across as the nice guys, the anti-obama guy, meantime his super pac has the most vicious ads. >> they're killers. >> you bring up a good point.

$10 million has been spent in iowa this month alone. there's 115,000 or 120,000 caucusgoers. >> it's not over kill, because it took newt gingrich out of the frontrunner status and propelled romney back into the number one standing. i thought it was a good ad. i compared him to the -- he's doing what reagan did. i worked for reagan's pollster, and they espouse this notion that you motivate by reason and persuade by emotion. >> persuade by emotion? he ain't going to get no votes. >> i'm so tired of the cliches in these commercials, the music makes me want to throw up. it works, because i hate sentimentality. >> sound like weight watchers music. >> it doesn't make me mad when i

hear the bs these guys are putting on the screen. i kind of laugh. it's great comedy. >> that's true. >> in iowa the week before the caucus, you turn on the television before the news, 15 ads stacked up, one after another, and you get lost. >> check out this ad, or a comment? >> i think it's a comment. >> massachusetts moderate is a negative. >> run nothing the republican primary, yes. >> well, i don't know. >> do you think it's a compliment? >> i think it's an accurate description of who he is. >> when they tape him there like that, he's like from the hall of the presidents. >> he loves that. >> newt gingrich has been waiting too long to hit back at this guy. he called him a massachusetts moderate, and people think that's a negative. what you really want to call him

is a flip-flopper who doesn't know what he believes in. newt mahe is trying to be a nic. he should hit harder and harder. romney has skated through this thing. he calls himself a progressive, a moderate republican, and -- >> mitt romney called himself a progressive in the video they found of romney years ago. >> yeah, but you guys are all falling for him. >> a moderate in massachusetts is to the left of karl marks. >> moderate is a dirty word in a republican primary. >> hugo chavez has said that obama is left of him. i'm pretty sure he said that. both of them are trying to become or be seen as more conservative. >> yeah, but you've got to be seen as conservative to be more conservative, and gingrich -- romney has run across a conservative principle he believes in since he was born. >> there's still 20% of

undecides, and 20% -- >> in iowa, ron paul will sneak through. >> you know why? because the pot smokers will come out whether it's raining, snowing, sleet -- >> not true. weather is the enemy of the pot smokers. >> coming up, harry reid may consider laying off the meth addicts, his claim that millionaire job creators and unicorns are a myth. >> what? >> that's right. ♪ ♪ [ woman ] ♪ what i want this season ♪ if you'd like to try and guess ♪ ♪ it is something very special ♪ i would readily confess [ dogs barking ] ♪ 'cause all i want this season ♪

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>> all right. a new report bite "washington post" has some startling new figures about the wealth gap between americans and their representatives in congress. according to the report, the median net worth of house members grew 2 1/2 times over a 15-year period from $280,000 to $725,000. well, meanwhile over that same time period, 1984 to 2009, americans' wealth decreased from $20,600 to $20,500. to make sense of the numbers, bob, is this significant? >> not like that i defend, as you know, defend millionaires, but there have been -- >> only when they're democrats. >> you're a millionaire. >> excuse me. you're all interrupting me. the reality is that a lot of very wealthy people have run for congress in the last two decades. >> okay. >> they've made a lot of money in the '90s, decided to run for congress. a lot of them inherited a lot of money from the greatest generation who went through the

depression, who saved their money, handed it off to them. the net worth figures are skewed. there's one person in the house of representatives worth north of $100 million. put it together, and you'll get a higher figure. i think it's a frankly a mismatch econfiguration. "the washington post" should do better than that. >> the point isn't where the money came from, how much money they have. the point is that they are clearly in the top 1/10 of 1%. >> they're supposed to be creating jobs. >> we'll get to that. >> they're making money, i'll tell you that much. >> all the wealth disparities in america, sports is probably one, acting is another, maybe third or so is d.c., and then somewhere down later on the road there's wall street. >> how about television? >> in the last couple of years, the committees have been recruiting what we call self-funders, people with deep pockets -- >> right, exactly. good point. >> -- who can write their own tickets. they say, let's find rich people

to run for office and write their own tickets. >> and why not? rich people are awesome. rich people are better than nonrich people. come on, everybody. i'm being facetious, but because they can spend their own money, that's better, right? i mean, bloomberg doesn't have to worry about -- >> let's not confuse the issues. yes, that's why they're in congress, but the fact that they're in congress, they're so far detached from the 99 percenters and -- >> the millionaires that line the senate make a lot of money, but a lot of families have worked hard for their money. i'm not going to begrudge them. some of them have really worked for it. >> hard to go to the probate court. >> the center for responsible politics, look at how much cash,

issa has that. >> i'm finding no fault with it. i'm just telling you that it's pretty huge. >> however, kimberly, what about fancy nancy from your hometown of san francisco? she's staying tat a $10,000 a night resort in maui. >> yeah, because her husband is worth $100 million. >> if she's going to spend her money on vacation, spend it in america. >> oh, wow. somebody get out the map. we've dwight problem. >> greg is still mired in the '50s. hawaii wasn't a state back then, i don't think. any statistical analysis you do, wealthy people will bring other people up. it's a worthless discussion. can we move on? >> this is the same woman who said god bless occupy wall street and beat up on rich people. >> that's a picture of the club floor at the maui four seasons where they give you free snacks and free wine. >> i've never been to hawaii

ever. >> i've been there. might as well be a write-off, because there's so many people in politics that go there for the holidays. >> she has in the past stayed in a $10,000 a night sweet. >> so what. >> all you liberal clowns who say they have them there, she stays there. if you're going to embrace occupy wall street, you deserve to be called a hypocrite for staying there. however, if you're going to vacation, pick no place that nobody knows about. you know, grenada or something. >> great travel trips. moving on, how about barack obama? apparently it pays it to be president. 2004, he was worth $300,000. now 2010, who wants to guess? >> $400 million. >> $7.3 million, and it only goes up, because look at how much clinton made. >> this is a fun graphic, but

the reality is almost all that money came from the sale of two books. >> you complained when herman cain was selling his books, when michele bachmann was selling his books, but it's okay when obama sells his books. >> what are you saying? i have signed copies of their books in my library. he sold two books for a lot of money. >> what's so frustrating, when you're a regular american, looking at washington, d.c., they're making all this money that we're paying them, and they can only extend the payroll tax cut to two

job creators are as common as unicorns, right? >> very upsetting. >> yeah. we went -- sorry, there was a group that did a study, i should know this. npr confirmed harry's number. here's the reality, though. the irs confirms there are 236,833 million-dollar filers. >> you're in a larger sorority i thought. >> if you use harry's number of 1% of business owners, that means 2368 business owners, and 5%, 118 millionaire business owners creating jobs. by the way, i just threw down of them. bill gates and steve jobs created 150,000 jobs. >> and bill gates was for

increasing taxes for millionaires. even for you that's bogus. the reality is if you take those people who created those jobs compared to those who don't make a million who create jobs it's 100 to 1. >> bob, in the liberal mind, even someone who makes $250,000, who might have a small business, or let's say a diner, you want to tax them at annex exorbitant. >> i'm not for taxing people who make $250,000. i've never supported that concept. the idea that the jobs are created by millionaires is just a ridiculous argument. >> even if you take harry's >> oh, gee. >> please, bob. it could be true. it could be 3 million or 4 million jobs.

you don't know how many job creators in the country -- >> don't be a hater. let everybody make money. why not? >> if they create jobs, that's wonderful. you can't that's their defense that they create jobs. the people that create jobs -- >> bob, has a poor guy ever given you a job? >> yes, he did. >> who? >> a junkie who gave me a place to stay. >> coming up, a new poll that republicans should be wary of. that's all coming up next on "the five." [ male announcer ] you have plans...

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>> i didn't know there was so much sunshine until i cleaned myself up. okay, i'm now in the c block, which is down from where i was yesterday. and there's a 6-1 bet that i'll be down at the e block again. >> i'm down at the e block tomorrow. >> okay, i mean tomorrow. listen, the gallup poll is out. they do a three-day tracking poll where it does averages rolling over three days. >> yeah. >> barack obama has gone up considerably given where he was in the beginning of this year, he's up about six points. yesterday he was actually more favorable than favorable in his job rating, which is unusual. today it's 46% approve, 48% disapprove. he was down as low as 40%. what i've been saying here all along is incumbent presidents are hard to beat, and this is a direct result, not necessarily of what obama did, but the lousy

job republicans did dealing with payroll taxes and millionaires. do you want to talk about that? >> i'm laughing, because yesterday you were doing the victory dance. >> i think you put your earpiece in my ear. it's vibrating and so crazy. >> go ahead. do you want to say something substantive about polling? >> in the third year of a presidency, it's likely the incumbent does well toward the end of the third year. i mean, you're the incumbent. >> that was not the case when clinton ran the year before he ran for re-election. he was in the doldrums. >> look it, i looked at it overnight -- >> obama has increased his numbers by four or five points. >> has he peaked? >> he'll to peak at 53% or 54%. >> if you peel back the numbers, he's gaining with liberals, not

moderates. i do agree with you on this point, but i hate to say these words, i agree with bob, but republicans botched the payroll tax. because they were visibly fighting and at each other's throats, he gets to talk to barbara walters and look nice and talk about his laziness. >> the view by the american public of the united states congress, particularly the united states house of representatives, is the lowest it's ever been since polling was done on that subject. that polling is controlled by the tea party caucus, the one that obama ran against, and he should. >> i think president obama has done exactly what he's needed to do, which is to stop doing anything. what has he done recently? nothing. he switched back -- >> payroll tax. >> come on. that was going on forever. all he did was -- >> okay. we got to -- >> don't cut me off. >> i'm sorry. >> don't cut me off! this is how he's going to win

the white house. smile his way back into the white house and not do anything. >> his latest drop overnight, maybe three days are catching up to obama, getting on air force one, going to hawaii maybe. >> yeah, that's exactly what it is. god, going on vacation. what a thought. a little bit off the subject, but off of polls directlying, but george will, the preeminent conservative columnist i guess you would call him, says that the republican party better be very careful and not be overly confident about beating president obama. so what do you think about that? >> who is overly confident? >> there's a lot of them. >> well, if you're smart, you're not over the confident. you have to earn it, fight it through the way, and make a great choice if they want a shot to beat him. >> i'll go back to what i said before, while the republicans tear each other apart, all obama has to do is vote present.

>> what he did in the senate. >> will knows obama will have a lot of money. he knows he has the machine behind him, that it's tough to unseat an incumbent. he knows that democrats will do everything they can and drag every voter they can out, and they'll play dirty. he has the bully pulpit. it's going to be very hard. congress has such a low approval rating, he can run against them, but a two-month payroll tax cut extension, the fact that the president thinks this will health department economy, it's a joke. >> why are you calling george will the preeminent voice on the conservative side? >> because i was reading my notes. >> that's wrong. >> okay, eric bolling. >> the conservative talk show host who probably has a bigger audience than george will, and they say, by the way, pick a republican because that's the one that's going to beat obama. >> he wants them to not throw it

away, and he's feeling that it's going to be close, a gore/bush thing all over again, republicans that blew it in years past, so he's staying, get it together and don't get cocky. >> that's why they've taken on newt gingrich. he was a dangerous person. i'll go to the tease, but i got to say, this a big breaking news fox story. doctors surveyed across the country oppose obamacare. what a shock. former democratic presidential candidate john edwards -- >> that's all you're going to say? >> you're not going to let anybody discuss it. >> no. he wants to delay his latest trial. ♪

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>> i'm shannon bream in washington. the big story today is the counted to the first voting of the 2012 campaign. tonight on "special report" we're back in iowa one week before the all-important caucuses. karl cameron will tell us what the republican presidential candidates are doing and steve brown takes a look at the ground game of some of the key players. two-term nebraska democratic senator ben nelson will not run for re-election, and that could open the door for former senator bob kerry. we have that story. there's plenty of economic news today. house prices are falling and one major retailer is closing dozens of stores. jim angle will tell us what it all means. and while president obama vacations in hawaii there's pressure for him to make what are called recess appointments to key jobs. republicans are asking him not to do that. doug luzader explains what's at stake. "special report" from washington starts at 6:00 eastern.

for now we'll take you back to new york and "the five." ♪ >> welcome back to "the five." all right. we're going to talk about john edwards in just a moment, worst person ever as some of us like to call him, but first we don't like to give bob the last word, especially when he drops the results of the obamacare survey and goes to break without letting us respond. >> i'm so used to being outnumbered -- >> you don't think it's a big deal that doctors think it will destroy the country. >> i speak to doctors all the time. >> you're a hypochondriac. >> guess what. doctors don't want to practice anymore. i'll tell you why. >> do you know how much i had to

pay for a drug last night? >> that's something you elect to purchase. that's not you require. premiums have already gone up thanks to obamacare because you're going to have a bunch of sick people signing up because the premium is much less than the penalty for not signing up, and the democrats cut $500 billion from medicare. now you take dr. mark segal, if he's not going to get that medicare money, you think he's going to treating patients? >> can't sign up until '14, and insurance companies are raising premiums because they're ripoffs. >> they know obamacare will raise the premium -- >> oh, please. of all the people, don't support insurance companies. they're dogs. >> i'm pointing out how flawed and broke obamacare is. >> it's not. >> they've already raised premiums 9%. you know this, right? >> yes. and what's their excuse? coming down the road is

obamacare. >> that's a crazy voice-over. >> ever been to an insurance association meeting? >> can't say that i have. >> it's like finding a gigantic pot of gold in manhattan. >> you're lucky, kimberly, because these doctors aren't going to hang around for a while. >> you want to talk about solyndra. >> no. i want to talk about john edwards first. john edwards has asked to delay his trial. he's accused of breaking some campaign finance laws and siphoning money to his girlfriend. so why is he asking for a delay in this case? is he trying to -- >> yeah. he sounds qualified to run for office, doesn't he? he has all the bases covered. now he wants sympathy after what happened with his wife, the cheating on her, hiding in the bathroom from "the national enquirer," now he's starting to say he's sick. get this. he needs to hire about 10pr teams. >> does he have a legal case? >> no, not at all. it doesn't mean that you don't try.

he really doesn't have anywhere to turn on. the case against him is very strong, so he has to do something. he better be able to back this up. >> listen, he was in court just a couple weeks ago and they said he looked very healthy. he's already had one extension, because he wanted to attend his daughter's wedding and have more time to prepare. kimberly, does the judge give him this extension? >> not without good cause and good medical to do so. >> if he doesn't, is he going to say, i'm not getting a fair trial? >> he can try, but that won't be a successful means of appeal, successful grounds. he'll fail on that. again, this is what you see with the defenses they throw against the wall to see if they stick. >> the judges in north carolina run for election, i guarantee you edwards has contributed to them. >> yeah. >> what i find most remarkable and shameful about this is he wants to move the woman, hunter, in who his campaign spent

$700,000 or $800,000 on, had his love child -- >> he was filming movies. >> excuse me. the national enwire report"the s this. >> do you think this is a smart move to bring in the love child to the household with the other two kids? he's claiming this is going to be a great idea. >> he wants a new reality show, a new modern family reality show. he wants to go kardashian. if that's the purpose, yeah, maybe. otherwise it makes no sense. >> i'm sorry, this is one of the most beautiful romantic tales of all time. i'm sick of you haters. this is clearly soulmates waiting to happen. let's get back to the real story here. is he or is he not sick? a, i didn't know reptiles got sick, but perhaps he has the swine flu. >> that's going around right now. >> he might have the mange.

>> think about his kids. these kids have lost a brother to a car wreck and lost a mother to cancer, and this guy wants to move that -- have you seen her? even i wouldn't walk around the block to have a date with that woman. >> they said they were going to book the dave matthews band for their wedding. >> i couldn't think of a better band. >> really? >> yes. remember, they were known for their truck, accidentally dumping raw sewage on a boat. remember? they're perfect for them. >> another democratic scandal, our favorite topic here at "the five," solyndra. say it with us. "washington post" has a study out, i think they're behind the curve. eric, i'm going to go to you. they say that than every single level, the energy program of the obama administration is painted with politics. what a shocker. >> that it was all about politics, as was corzine's donation to the obama re-election campaign. it's wrought with fraud and

abuse. >> look at bob. >> what should republicans make of this during the election? >> there's a lot of different things they can focus on. this is one of them. it's a significant story. we've looked at it extensively -- >> really? we have? >> we have on this show, through responsible reporting. >> the goal is -- >> we're investigators. >> the bigger point is the goal was to create jobs and cut reliance on foreign oil, which is exactly what the xl pipeline would have done, so instead they funded a pipe dream instead of a pipe. >> is that a metaphor? >> nice play on words. >> coming up, lady gaga's former assistant said she was a slave to the pop star. greg will break it down for us next. ♪

♪ >> hey. welcome back to "the five." so apparently lady gaga is a nightmare to work for. a former assistant is suing the pop star for nearly 400 grand, saying that she had to cater to gaga's every desire at all hours. jennifer o'neill season there were never any breaks, often needed for spontaneous random matters in the dead of night. shocker, lady gaga is a diva. look, when you go to work for something called a gaga, don't come whining when you get

treated shabbily. what do you her to be a joy to work for? that's now how it works. cher, madonna, naomi campbell, ben bernanke, you have to be rotten. it's in the diva handbook, which i wrote. i mean, how else are you going to convince yourself that as an untalented schmuck you're better than the mere mortals around you. anyhow, this person hired as an assistant is suing because she had to do work as an assistant gets no sympathy from me. like i sell my assistant seth, you answered the ad on craigslist, so you're not praying thpayingthe price. it's not dislikes sleeping in the gauge. >> i met lady gaga one day. i asked her, what do you do for a living? she reminds me of a woman i picked up in a bar in a trailer

park in ohio at 2:00 in the morning. what is it about this woman? she's actually talented. >> is that talent? this woman is -- first of all, it's true about these people who get very successful, very famous, and they get -- they asked for certain kind of water, for a certain number of flowers. i mean, are you kidding me? >> wait a minute. you ask for these lozenges. >> he has special tea, too. >> remember when you threw that intern off the roof, bob. >> she deserved it. >> kimberly -- >> what? >> lawsuit, a lot of money, says it's based on over 7,000 hours of overtime. does sheff a case? >> if you're smart and a

celebrity, you have somebody sign a nondisclosure agreement she's not going to get what she's asking for. let's be realistic. i'm sure she had her lawyer drop what your job duties are, obligations, expectations, like running out in the middle of the night to safeway to buy a big steak to put on her head. >> that's a good salary, and got to brag to her friends that she worked for somebody very famous. she had a lot of perks. were you ever an assistant? did you ever have to do anything disgusting? >> nothing disgusting, but things that i thought were unreasonable and out of the job description. >> i'd like to apologize. >> get your mind out of the gutter. the woman was a diva, you know, she was a big diva. i thought at the time, like, i can't believe she's asking me to do all this stuff. >> i think i know who it is, by the way. >> no, it's not that person. >> who is the woman in this thing, in our research we did,

great research here, about that woman aguilar and demanded -- >> i think you're thinking about jennifer lopez. >> paula abdul, her assistants walk around with a videotape because she doesn't trust what she's going to say. look, if they're paid well enough, if it's not her, it's someone else. >> i interviewed paula abdul when i sat in for larry king, and let me tell you something, without her makeup, ooh. >> well, you know gaga, right? >> they asked me, do you know who that is? i said no. >> stars want a type of tea, a type of lozenge, that's okay, i crack up when i see that j-lo's is required to read her mind when she's hungry. she's not supposed to say when

she's hungry, you're expected to be there with a snack. >> and lady gaga had some woman sleep in the room with her because she was scared at night. in my drunken days, i wouldn't sleep in a room with that woman. >> i was an intern when i got out of college. i did things for -- >> for who? >> i'm not saying to say who. i had to wash a car, mow a lawn once. >> that doesn't sound that hard, by the way. >> that wasn't part of my job. >> how about painting someone's toenails? >> you did that? >> i'm just asking. >> you go to nice restaurants. doesn't it drive you nuts when people treat waiters and waitresses badly and don't tip? >> yes! >> i was a waiter, my first day was a waiter, i was bussing a table and dropped a fork down a lady's back, and she berated me in front of a table of eight,

how stupid i was, how incompetent i was, and i'll never forget that. these are someone's sons and daughters. >> exactly right. i was behind the line in a very nice spa once, and a guy in line arcing about $5. he was a billionaire. i said get the hell out of the line. he said it's the principle of the thing. signed a nondisclose, and it's going to be long, baby. >> no joke. >> we're moving on to another subject. >> do you want to read the tease? >> yes. we have breaking news next on "the five." there's new outrage over bill maher trashing tebow. shocking, i know. thank you, greg, for letting me do this. "the five" will be right back. let me tell you about a very important phone call i made.

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all out," somewhere in hell satan is tebowing, saying to hitler, hey, buffalo's killing them. i tweeted bill maher is disgusting vile trash, i can't even repeat what he just tweeted about tebow on christmas eve, hashtag bil straight to hell bi. >> this is around christmas, celebration of our lord and savior. you do not use that name, use that ridiculous -- i've used that word plenty of times, but not referring to -- i'll tell you, maher is a liberal. bill, you ain't a liberal. we just sent you out of the barn, man. you're gone. i'm so tired of defending him i can't stand it. >> bill maher hates tebow

because tebow looks like tebow, and bill maher looks like a talking thumb with a face of an aardvark. >> that's true, because tim tebow is beautiful. >> he is. >> what i don't see, what is so bad about this? his mother was told he was going to be mentally handicapped. >> yes. >> she did not have an abortion. what do atheists have wrong with this? what do pro people have wrong with? they're allowed to get abortions if they want. why not him celebrate the gift of life because his mother embraced the right to choose -- >> talking about bill maher, trying to remain relevant while his show is on hiatus. >> that's a pathetic human being. >> the whole idea of bringing christ into this -- whether it's bill maher or anybody else. you know my feelings. tebow is a remarkably religious man who has a relationship with

his lord and savior. it should be left at that. one thing we have to talk about, our own greg gutfeld is going to sit in tonight for the big man, bill o'reilly. they're going to change the chair on the set. >> he's going to sit on phone books. >> you're worried about it, aren't you? don't be worried about it. >> i'm fine, i'm fine. i'll be okay. i just did four shots of tequila, so i'm good. >> he needs some red wine. >> i'm joking, by the way. i'm completely sober. >> i sat in last night. you're sitting in tonight. there's going to be horror stories, bill o'reilly stories, maybe we can talk about them tomorrow on this show. have you done this yet? caution -- >> i was going to do this. caution, this is my finger. >> what's the word of the day? >> i don't know yet. >> can i give you a p