tonight, o'reilly will expose the occupy wall street funding at 8:00 p.m. that is it for us on "the five." thank you for watching. see you tomorrow. ♪ welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld, or as i am known to dances with chaps, let's go to andy levy for a pre game report. what is coming up on tonight's show, old sport? >> there is no sun in the shadow of the wizzard. the congressional candidate says he will smoke a joint if he wins his race. spoiler alert. he will not win his race. and airlines charging families more to sit together? man is is that going to backfire. and can't keep your super heros straight? don't worry. neither can dc comics. >> andy, big news. >> what is that? >> meyer is coming back for a new season.

and even better, he is bringing another new tv series called "men at work." >> are you kidding me? >> i wouldn't lie about that. >> is this a new show? >> it is about a bunch of bros hanging out and helping each other out. >> what i like is they work at a magazine, don't they? >> it is called full steam magazine. >> is that what it is called? >> tyler is the pretty boy and gibbs is the sexy photographer. >> i am confused. tyler is the charming pretty boy. and gibbs is the good looking lady's man. i can't keep them straight. >> i can't keep them straight either. you know what? i am counting down the days. >> we have to get a unit could down clock. a countdown clock. >> go away. you sicken me. >> she is so hot that every one of her pockets is a hot pocket c. i am here with brooke goldstein, the founder of the children's rights institutes which is a product for making viagra. and if intelligence were an art museum i would spend several hours inside him.

he is the author and screenwriter. his latest fantastic book came out and it is called "law fare" just kidding. it is called crazy dangerous. and he always struggles when you give him a bath. it is bill schulz. and mall security at the local food court have his picture up in the break room. sit -- sitting next to me, it is called pro joyce. and his reporting is damnables. good to see you, pinch. >> today times writer reports that george lucas' rich neighbors are angry he is selling land to a developer to bring in low income housing. every house is to be built on a tree so it can house an ewok or wookie family of limited means. said one recipient -- greg?

>> keep going. and then there was any wok that says, yubnub. yubnub. a second district house race wants to put the grass in cong-rass. he says he will smoke a joint on the steps of capitol hill. andy capray is focused on battling climate change. who isn't? but he is pro pot, regularly smoking marijuana on the campaign trail. he wants nothing less than full legalization. >> it is a plant. it is a plant like so many other plants that provides medicines for people. and this is one of the most harmless recreational intoxicant there is. certainly such more benign than alcohol. >> there is your spokesman. meanwhile on monday, another advocate, pen gillette hammered president obama for being a hipocrite on marijuana

laws. >> do we believe even for a second, anybody believe, that if obama had been busted for marijuana under the laws that he condones, would his life have been better? if he had been busted under his laws, he would have done hard [bleep] time. and if he had done time in prison, time in federal prison , time for his weed and a little blow, he would not be president of the united states of america, and he would not have gone to his fancy as college. he would not have sold books that sold millions and millions of copies and made millions and millions of dollars. >> what he said. let's go to our hidden camera behind the mirror of an attractive lady.

>> can't believe she doesn't see it. jesse, good to see you. is it time we have a politician who openly smokes weed? >> it is not about the weed. first of all, i want to point out that pen gillette looks more and more like homeless ben franklin every time we see him. >> but he's right. everything he says is right. >> they quoted the book in the article and they said he used marijuana and maybe a little blow. blow? that's a pretty in the know piece of terminology. it would be like you say a marijuana cigarette. it is like saying, i may have been exposed to weasel dust. i may have one or two times banged the glitter gutter. i don't know. >> i don't know either. >> it is possible i went on a sleigh ride or two. >> i hate it when they use the word experiment. experiment is so broad it means anything. jesse, i have somebody else that wants to ask you a

question. >> hello, jesse. my son would like an autograph. he loved you in "moon breaker." just sign it, jaws. >> so much set up. >> here is the thing. i believe legalization for criminalization, anything that ends in ation. why is it the spokespeople, they are never the right spokesmen. when they say the first thing i am going to do is get high on the capitol steps that's the opposite of what you are about to say? >> i am from california and that's pretty much in keeping with the quality of the candidates. we gave you nancy pelosi who thinks unemployment checks are the best stimulus to the economy. and downtown jerry brown is going to tax the last six guys. and now this guy is basically his slogan, his campaign slogan is i need dope in order to focus.

you can't pay attention. >> if you keep stressing that marijuana is fun, no one is going to legalize it. or if you call it medical marijuana no one will legalize it. that works. brooke you are high right now. i can smell you from a mile away. do you think obama is a hipocrite on drug laws? >> loaded question. i want to address your other point. if you are going to admit to smoking pot while running for congress, admit you like it. that's the reason. none of this bs, the add or attention deficit disorder, that's not why people smoke pot. number two, if you want to attack it, your beef is not with the feds. it is with the supreme court. they ruled that growing a personal plant of marijuana and smoking it and not selling it somehow is a substantial affect on interstate commerce.

that is the credible legal argument gets the feds regulating marijuana. joy that's why we have her here. -- >> that's why we have her here. never mind she is hideous. >> is pen gillette correct that a lot of would be presidents of the united states aren't making it because they are in jail for pot? >> that's the presence i -- that's the presidents i would vote for. i am a little concerned he lives in humboldt county. for those who don't know much about pot which is two of our red eye viewers, that is the equivalent of norm leaving boston and moving to milwaukee. that's bad. second of all, the thing about penn that i don't get about any libertarian is when they talk 3w* social stuff like legalizing weed or gay marriage, the old thing about libertarians and obama is he has the same views on gay marriage as republicans. that's a moot point. as far as drugs, he has been

hipocritical. you really think it is better under romney. you think romney will put a rasta-fari hat on and it will be free wheeling weed from here in until the other side of the country? >> i don't know. i would say on both sides it is hopeless. the point is, maybe there is a president who will get these people out of jail. there is a lot of people there that shouldn't be there. our future einstein is in there, but then again maybe a future scrilix. i don't know which is worse. >> the worse thing is they make the police the enemy of the neighborhoods and people run and scatter because of the drugs. it is a problem and it makes policing twice as hard. >> a lot of people with einstein 's hair are absolutely no question. >> last word before we move on? >> no, i was going to say the state of virginia made sodomy

illegal in 2003, and i am glad he is not running on that issue. then we would have to clean the capital steps like a carnival pirate ship. >> it would be more entertaining. some graduating students are protesting the cost of college at commencement to -- bayousing their hats and showing the cash they owe. it is a lot of money. it started by occupy backers, workhorse pr's. and ben cohen of ben and jerry's who agreed to provide the inflatable ball to campuses worldwide. there were zero interest student loans and much talk about how their dollars are being allocated and cafeterias must pipe 234* dave matthews. are co-eds getting enough bookish bang for their buck? the amount of colleges time students spent studying has gone from 24 hours a week to 15.

what are they doing with all of their free time? we have tape. that is useful. jesse, isn't protesting loans that you voluntarily took a we bit hipocritical. we use the word we strongly. >> you are we. >> i agree. i think everybody knows tuition is outrageous. at the same time, i think i would support this more if they were doing it at freshmen orientation. they already got their education. it is like going to red lobster and then as soon as the bill comes it is like pulling out a sharpie and a protest sign. >> there you go. i think we have another question for you. >> jesse, my daughter says you asked her to a slip knot

concert. you realize she is 15. just because you're a manager at piercing pagoda, it doesn't make it right. >> how much programming time do we have to let him hitch his head? >> he is having trouble raising his kids. it is like he has a life issue. he is volunteering to take her to a slip knot concert. >> you are insulting a fake character. >> should these brats suck it up and live with it like the rest of us? >> i am going to get a lot of heat on this one. no matter how you feel about the occupy movement, and i know we all just shudder, but we have to admit we have a major problem in this country. the average tuition at a public school is $60,000. the average income of a college graduate after taxes is $42,000. how are we creating productive

members of our society? do we want a student loan to be the number one concern when we graduate? we have to solve this problem. how? i don't know. >> this is the root issue. because student loans were so easy to get, they gave them to everybody, and that allowed the colleges to just charge incredible tuitions. at the end of the four years you have these guys with outstanding loans. and now they are complaining. the fact is if you made it harder to go to college, the tuition would go down. >> here is the trick. there is no such thing as a free college education. it should be the guy who gets the education. if you go to -- >> unless you are an athlete ssments. >> of course. unless you are an athlete. >> of course. >> this is why occupy drives me crazy. it is the down fall of the left. to be an out of work, dirty, unwashed left wing dirt bag is to mean something in this country. >> you mean they fought for something.

>> give me money. jay somebody has to pay for -- >> somebody has to pay for this. if you go to college and can't get enough to pay for your loan? you got screwed. >> you know what a college education is like? it is like breast implants. you buy them on lay away and if you can't pay for them, no one will come and take it out. right? >> my college education is just like breast implants. it is amazing. >> i ironically majored in breast implants. >> earlier you were occupying a bong. as it occupied the shark. >> yes, it is in -- it is thanks to mr. lucas. it is easy for you fuddy-duddies. when you think you were paying when you were their age. compared to inflation it is wildly different. >> they know that, but let's compare it to getting a loan for a house.

that's frivolous. nobody needs to own a house. you can rent, most of new york does and we don't like it. college if you really want to get a decent job in this country, and i know it is horrible to say that maybe not everyone is meant for mcdonalds, you need a college degree. it is ten times more expensive to get it now. >> we have so many more colleges in this country than there are in any other country in the world. if you want a college degree you will get one. it is how good your college degree is going to be. >> how dare you insult devry. >> i agree with my friend bill who is dressed like a dutch tea cup. >> that was the metaphor i was reaching for. >> you had to think about disclosing private schools. i went to canyon university. it was a good school. however, in my senior year -- >> what was the name? >> ducane universities.

>> i went to a real college. >> they spent $180,000 on a salad bar. >> and it is super nice. >> that's all it does. for $100,000 they will fill the house with lettuce. >> that's true. >> or five filipino kids and a salad shooter. >> that's disgusting. >> but it is a fact. >> jesse has a good point. you can get a good education. much like he got a good haircut because fantastic sam's was too expensive. should you pay mo to sit with your bro? some airlines are asking for more money for families to sit together. if you want to sit by a spouse, child or friend it will cost you $25 or more.

said one person, who wants to fly like this? it gets more ridiculous every year. meanwhile. fat cat prefers to drive. this is just going to encourage people to have their cat get fat. they know we will play it. >> isn't sit august part from your spouse a treat? >> yes, but this is about separating parent from their children. how is this even legal? >> good point. one of the quotes was a woman who was asked to pay money to sit next to her four-year-old child. how is that legal? are there not laws about

letting underaged children loose in an airplane? it is unsane. >> how is it big deal? look at the amount of the size of the plane. having the four-year-old is like you being on a couch in the living room and you being on bike. >> the kid is acting crazy. what do you think? >> flying at this point they take a picture of your naked butt and then stick a hand up your crotch and take your wife and children. they have to pay me to fly. >> last word, jesse. >> i think bill looks like my grandmother's wallpaper. >> you can't sit anywhere in a plane. >> few shea. >> i have a friend who flew back from edmonton.

he talked his son into asking me if i would switch seats. he etch coached the kid and the kid came over and said, sir -- i had to look at the dad and had dad is like what are you going to do about it? >> i only let sexy kids sit next to me. >> jesse, i will take three motley crew t-shirts and can you throw in a marilyn man son key chain. i will put it on my hot topic gift card. >> so what would anthony michael hall really like? his experience as a "16 candles stunt double. we are happening -- hammering this into the ground. >> can you be fired for being hot?

is a man who flies a lover of guys? they announced one of the iconic characters will soon reveal that he is gay. the publisher best known for batman, superman, wonder woman and captain intestine wanted to make his character more likable to modern readers. they will introduce new lgbt types it wouldn't change the or orientation of an established character. but they say the policy has evolved and another tells abc news that the revelation will come next month. before you get excited it will be a character that has not appeared yet. it couldn't then be superman or batman or cap tin intestine.

they made a film called dog versus hog for this real life event. >> yes! >> tragedy is the hog wins, but he will be eaten by the dog's family. >> that was better than cockfighting. >> you are an author or so you claim. i haven't seen the books. >> are they trying to catch up with the times or making a calculated ploy to stay relevant or is that the same thing? >> that may be the same thing. it turns every character's name into a bad sexual pun. i am batman. >> i bet you are. >> i am ironman.

they just cheapen it. >> brooke, is this just politically correct pan doring, and should president obama be impeached? >> i think it is great. i think if being a super hero is about having core values and inner strength and not being super official, why not have a homosexual character? what i do find i'm plausible is a canadian super hero. what? that doesn't happen. >> you are canadian, right? >> i am. >> just wanted to make sure. >> do they give you directions? >> jesse, your alter echo has the power with of a man to look like a young guy.

>> i have been outed. if you want inspiration for a gay super hero go to the cried parade. they are wearing chaps and they look like they have been bitten by a radio active pom rain yen. he didn't like telling that joke because i made him change it. well i didn't make him, i asked him. >> jesse, we still have to unpack the van for the show. stryker needs their apps. >> bill, what do you think of this? who do you think the super hero is? i thought we were going to announce a straight super hero. open any comic book in the history of time. is there anything straight going on there? do any of these guys hookup c the females in the comic

book? does their lycra have lycra? they are wearing pants that fit, and maybe you will get an audience that is larminger than 10% -- that is larger than 10% of our country. >> they are all gay. how are they not? >> i have eyes. >> i have never seen an antique serving tray get that fired up. you do have a comment on the show in leave a voicemail 212-462-5050. still to cornlings the half time report from tv's andy levy. he is our super hero. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by the small insect eating reptiles with flatten ited bodies and short tails and flat horns on its head.

thanks thorned wizzard.

let's find out if we have anything wrong. for that we go to andy levy. >> how are you? >> pretty happy over the whole men at work news. >> good. we should talk more about that tomorrow. i have some thoughts. >> i would like to hear your thoughts. maybe we can jot them down. >> we'll do that. >> i love jotting. >> jotting is so much fun.

>> no one ever jots. >> there is not enough jotting. i agree obama is too cozy with the drug terms. even to this day he talks about shooting a little horse all the time. >> or he goes -- i love pen gillette, but his rant was wrong. he talks about how president obama's life wouldn't have been better if he had done time for smoking weed. as a foreign national obama would have had diplomatic immunity. >> that's true. his mom is from canada, so it is a nonissue. he is automatically an american citizen. >> he could have been born on the floor of the kenyan embassy. >> what do you know about the

kenyan embassy? tell me more. >> obama is the only guy who can put up his own belt with his teeth. i think jesse knows more. >> i am cover -- recovery. >> it is hard to believe you are 27. >> that's not far off. >> i am 33. i am not old. glia -- >> i don't shave for the show. >> you said of the california congressman they are making the legalized thing big. pelosi 1k3* jerry brown, i have no month problem. >> it is junk food and they

might go after it. >> what happens? the dog population would disappear. >> we already have a president who does that, greg. >> the legal argument needs to be based on the court decision. it is obama's justice department that has chosen to enforce the laws and raid these marijuana facilities in places like california. they don't have to do that. >> right. and they were given the authority to do that by the supreme court. >> okay. we agree. >> it is -- his justice department is choosing to strictly enforce these dos. >> and that's another campaign promise he is just not keeping. didn't he run saying the feds were not going to enforce these laws ? >> exactly. >> also, brooke, i am not sure why in addition to the legal argument you can also announce you are going to commit an act of civil disobedience.

>> but everybody knows that potheads don't smoke pot because they want to pay attention to what they are doing. he is just losing credibility. >> you have never seen a pothead watch "the wall." >> do you mean the movie or any wall? >> any wall. yes. >> the worst advocates for pot legalization are the advocates for pot legalization. >> imagine if you were trying to repeal prohibition. would you walk around? >> yes. i have been drinking for seven years straight. >> not sure why you are bringing it up. >> i haven't seen a clip where they have seen anything about romney. but maybe that's our show. >> obama has said one thing

and then done another is the point. >> they complain about -- the ones that get publicity, it is the worst when it is further from the truth. >> you want to see it get worse? vote for romney. >> they would get rid of the dispense res and gay marriage would be off the table. i brought up gay marriage as something people complain about. >> you like to do this thing where -- the story is about obama's huh poke craw see, and the fact he admitted he smoked weed. romney has nothing to do with the story. >> no i equated it with libertarians. yes, he was a bit of a hipocrite, but he said don't ask, don't tell. there are lesser degrees of evil.

there are various degrees of worse. >> i don't see how he can say otherwise. >> i completely agree. you like to make the story something it is not. how can i do that? >> by bringing up something that had nothing to do with the story. >> occupy graduation and his college. you said among occupy graduation demands are, quote, zero interest and tuition dollars being allocated and they must pipe in dave matthews to encourage vomiting? >> yes. while i agree, it is not one of their demands. >> it is one of the things i agreed with. >> that's a shame. i will just have to stand outside the windows and go like this. >> brooke, i agree that education costs are out of control. but i have a theory on what

will bring them down. people stop 2ing to college. they will have to lower the price until people can afford it. >> what is the point of college, man? >> especially law degrees. >> you were being nice to me. >> we haven't gotten to the other stories. >> i'm kidding. as much ace hate to say it, they are highly respectable. but jesse joyce is listed as an alum. >> where is that? >> wikipedia. >> look at you. you are going home to google. you didn't price check the salad shooter? >> i thought that would be something that would be on. >> no, i trusted you on that. >> generally when we have guests that are experts in a field airlines are charging

more. >> you asked how this is even legal. >> they are charging more for certain seats. >> they are not doing that. >> yes, they are. >> they are asking people to pay money to guarantee a seat next to your own child. >> no, what they are doing is charging different amounts -- different prices for different seats. you have to pay more money if you want to sit next to those people. they are not saying you have to pay more if you want to sit with your child. >> it is the same thing. >> obviously if you are going to need -- if you have a metal seat you will want to sit next to somebody you are related to. >> my point is, there are certain seats that are more money. the same seat in the same row, a window seat is differently priced than an aisle seat? >> that's what they are

doing. charging more for certain rows or seats. but from you in the same row they are the same price? >> what they are implying is if you are not going to pay for it, you are too cheap to sit next to your kid. that's what they are saying. >> they are happy about this. sorry little jackie. i can't sit next to you. >> either way airlines suck. >> we agree on that. >> once we were separated on the plane, never saw her again. >> i told you that would happen. >> you pay for my seat. >> yep. >> the character will be revealed as gay. >> you said it turns every name into a pun. you get some examples including flash which i didn't get. is it like flashing?

is and it was too dolled up for a guy. >> i have to take issue with this. i feel like you are stereo typing an entire community. >> he is right. >> bill, you seem to think that they never hookup with females which just means they do it all the time. they frequently get married. here is my theory by the way. it is going to be shazam, but he will be straight and then his altar ego will be gay which gives them some amazing story storyies. >> you know what, everybody is assuming it is going to be a male. >> they said. >> they have to worry is it black gay add lem or -- adam

or gay black adam. i am done. >> that you are. coming up, a story so inviting. if it was a tiger you would say that tiger is inviting me to a drink. and tigers don't do that thing you weird owe. coming up, can being well endowed cost you your job? i wouldn't know.

did she lose her 9 to 5 for being a 10? the answer, a 4. a new jersey woman claims she was canned from her data entry job at a lingerie store for being too hot. that's a prestigious job. her orthodox jewish employers told hershey was too busty and dressed too provocatively for the workplace. the lodge tall next step, hold

a press conference with lawyer gloria allred. >> i was appalled when my supervisor suggested i tape down my breast and wear my boyfriend's oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. i don't feel an employer has a right to impose their religious pleefs on me when i am working in a business not a synagogue, but selling thongs with hearts placed in the female general till areas and boy shorts for women saying hot in the but to bees area. buttocks area. >> i think that wallpaper would make a great shirt. she was told to buy a sweater that went to her ankles. is she was shopping for one they called her cell phone and fire her. i think we must discuss this in the -- >> lightning rroooouuunnnnd. lightning round. >> brooke, here is the thing about the stories. you never hear about follow-ups on these lawsuits that gloria allred represents.

you won gear if they get money and they quiet down. is this how it works? >> this is a loser. listen, husbandy. dark -- hussy. the employer can dictate what you can wear in the workplace. the employer has a right to fire you if your bra sex posed and it doesn't matter when -- bra 1* exposed. she was reading what gloria gave her to say. she doesn't believe what she was saying. >> gloria doesn't choose stickers. i don't know what i'm talking about? >> h is suspicious. no jew would fire a m would for having large breasts. it is not biblical. in the bible it says thou shall not fire a m would because of her breasts. >> the bible i read is "the bible of unspeakable truths" by greg gutfeld.

>> have you ever been fired? >> no, actually no, i haven't. this is a big misunderstanding. when they said they fired her for looking foo hot, the second half of the sentence says by looking too hot we mean looking like scandinavian snooki. i believe we have a question for you. >> jesse, congrats on being the on the cover of long shirt magazine. you will get a call shortly. >> last word to you, bill. >> the only thing that girl is doing is walking around while ep monthing. while moping. >> every shot was her going mmmmm. get some jobless now.

gluer yaw would have to say don't get happy. and this is all about getting five figures and six figures and then moving on. >> it is time to take a break. don't think of leaving me now.

he challenged college graduates to quit their phones and laptops for a day. take one hour a day and turn that thing off. take your eyes off the screen and look into the eyes of the person you love, jesse. have a conversation, a real conversation. he said that before texting me naked pictures of his feet. terrifying to ask. >> to turn -- i don't know if there was an insult in there? i don't pay attention when you talk. he said in fact i bet -- he said it in a snide. it was like i bet somebody is texting it right you no. sure enough there was a jackass kid saying listening to eric schmidt. if you were listening to him you would say, i am the problem with the internet.

>> brooke, what do you say? >> it is called shovis, and it is to the one hour. it is 25 hours okay schmidt. it just goes to show that the jewish value system is transferable. don't use your electronic devices. use it to reflect and become a better person. >> i think she meant that. >> it is a bore. stick on the internet. it is more fun than what the guy is saying. i would rather be tweeting myself. >> bill, you have an abicus made of twiny driftwood. >> have i a laptop and not one -- i have a laptop, and not one, but two tv's. the fact of the matter is this guy is absolutely right. i feel better about myself. i get along with them with prolonged periods of the day.

every person is awful. i get away from all of the electronics. >> we have one more question. >> not only does bill have an abicus, but it is a shirt made of pottery chards. >> does it cost more or less? that wasn't a question for me. >> i serve in the chef king's army. >> one last question for you, jesse. >> jesse, is it embarrassed for you? >> even your earring is embarrassed for you. we will close thing out with the post came wrap up. to see recent shows go to fox news.com/red eye.

time to go back to andy levy for the post game wrap

up. >> crazy dangerous is about a young man who be friends a schizophrenic girl and she starts to think her hallucinations are a prophesy he has to stop. >> is he right? >> you have to read the book. what is wrong with you? >> does she die? >> it is the words on the page. >> andy, i read it, and she is right. >> never mind, folks. >> brooke, i hear you are doing an event theks tuesday? >> yes, next tuesday we are working with the law firm of mayo brown. if you want to get invited to these and other events sign up for my mailing list at the law fair project .org. >> up m coming gigs? >> thursday the comic strip in new york city and may 29th through june 3rd ottawa.