goal eric started on it. >> andrea: your kid won't use the word after tonight. you are not giving them anything. that is it for "the five." >> greg: thank you for watching. see you tomorrow. i'm greg gutfeld, or as i -- as i am known in finland, jab minute bleeth. thanks for coming to the show. >> you will be sorry, america. our top story, a tough call for islamaphobic easy llama fobs. plus, is rudeness the new normal? idiot, maybe shut the h up and maybe you will find out and i will learn how to talk. and what does the study show of the quality of relationships of couples who have sex early on? the story so shocking we didn't get it to twice last week and probably won't tonight. >> why are we teasing this story over and over and over

again if we never get to it? >> why are you not getting it -- getting to it if you know i am teasing it over and over again? >> wishful thinking. >> it is a simple question. >> you don't have a simple answer, do you? let's welcome our guest. she is so hot you usually find her in pawnshops. i am here with anna gilligan. and if hilarious commentary was a cross-word puzzle my grandmother would do him on a rainy day. bill schulz is out still getting his body waxed. filling in for him once again is reason magazine contributing editor and jerk michael moynahan. and he is the star of the lifetime movie, got cash dash goth paper boy, writer and comedian, jesse joyce. his cd is called "pro joyce."

was he banned from the police on account of his beliefs? a muslim-american man, is there any other kind, says a new york police department wouldn't hire him because he believed gays should be thrown in jail. the dude identified as far hand doe is suing the department for discrimination claiming his 2009 application was rejected. when he answered yes to the question, do you believe homosexuals should be locked up? he changed his views saying homosexuality was a sin, but not worthy of arrest. but the department says no to doe and his lawyer claims that's a violation of first amendment rights and that the nypd can't keep him off the force for anti-gay thoughts. speaking of things that are filled with hate.

>> he is saying, i hate gay people. in the green room, i was surprised when you called this muslim-american man a hero. >> greg, you know where i stand on this issue without even asking me. this guy is terrible. you shouldn't get hired at any job if this is a question and you say yes the -- yes. or where you have the power to put them in jail. and there is nothing that shows they didn't hire him because of that statement. obviously this is probably one of many reasons. the guy seems a little nuty. he can't even prove he has the right to answer the question and still be on the police force. >> way to cover your tracks. i thought maybe you would come out and back up what you said, but apparently you got scared. you are libertarian and anti-gay and a homo homosexual. >> i am all for it. >> that's what makes you

amazing. i like the v-neck sweater. do they have a right not to hire -- say he is a come assistant -- competent police officer with those beliefs. >> of course he does. first of all a few things here. the first is that i didn't know that the nypd had a questionnaire was like, you want to lock up gay people? do you want to randomly lock them up? that was a bit of a surprise to me. the second thing i noticed about this story is if you are a muslim in a lawsuit they changed your name from john dough to farhando? is it like schlomodo? he has a right to not only -- if he hates gay people he should be allowed on the police force. as long as he doesn't arrest people because of their -- you can't keep people -- >> he might be better to gays because of that. he will have to cover his, you

know, his butt, so to speak. that wasn't meant to be that way. i was talking about the fact that he had prejudice beliefs. >> his lawyer is making a first amendment. >> and they did in mississippi. you ever watch mississippi burning? they really did a great job of covering their tracks. >> aim really one that thinks he shouldn't be hired for this? this is crazy. you can replace it with anything. women should be locked up. americans should be locked up. yes, i do believe that, and i should be a police officer who can then profile these types of people. >> could he have meant something else? >> where he is from locked up could mean some kind of romantic embrace. >> the thing that everybody is over looking with this is it is not just a statement about whether or not gays should be locked up, but his gaydar is off the map. he can detect a gay from miles away. it is so -- if his gadar was

low and he made those statements i don't think it would have been that big of a deal. >> that is excellent. jesse, you actually applied to be a cop, but that was in the village people. >> yes. they have an anti-gay policy that is really weird to me. i kind of disagree. because the question was would you lock him up? one of your main functions as a police officer is to in fact lock people up. like if the question was do you think they should get married, or do you get ashamed and angry at yourself when your naughty parts tingle when you listen to elton john music, and you can see him that would be fine. he flat out -- maybe we should give him the keys. >> he is going to have the keys for one shift. if he goes out and locks somebody up for being gay it is like, he is gay. there is not a lot of statute outs and i think he would be fired after that.

>> it is like if you are a referee and do you think the miami heat sucks and they always lose and they do illegal things all the time? yes, i do think that. you would not get the referee job. >> that's a pretty fair comparison. >> i am impressed that anna came up with a sports metaphor. >> was it more like a simalie? i i was making fun of you and i am the fool. >> i have a question for you from a "red eye" fan. >> jesse, i think it is great you have a pierced earring. now teenage girls will noah head of time -- know ahead of time if you will hit on them. >> that's true. that's why i do it. >> are you going to keep that? >> watch out, teenagers. >> are you going to keep that? >> the earring? yes.

i had it since i was in seventh grade. >> i thought he said you had power steering. jay no, an earing. it is the robot voice. >> all right, from the police to the polite. do we now expect a lack of respect? according to a soon to be released survey, the majority of americans say incivility is getting worse in our country prompting the rogers simon to write that, quote, rudeness is becoming the new normal. i hate this whole set up. we'll talk about that later. it was allowed an early look at this research. he is really, really important. where am i? most of us blame the politeness on politicians followed by, quote, the economy, the youth, the media, the celebs, internet slash social media and cell phones and twitter.

researchers point to this video as the turning point. >> i never get tired of looking at that. joe, here is the thing i am surprised. twitter came out the least -- i guess the least aggressive in terms of tone. i thought that has actually been the driving force. to be able to lob insults at people without them ever finding you. i don't know. >> there is something about the an ma anymore tee, and on twitter the fewer the followers you have -- >> that is true. but it looks like youtube comments. those are the true worst people on earth. it is more so on twitter. it is like the flashlights that hotels use on the dirty bedspreads.

they need to invent that for commenters where they can put it on and you can see their faces. >> i don't know if they can invent that. >> i don't think they can invent it, but it would be great if they did invent it. >> it gives some scientist an idea. >> i don't think anybody wants to put a black light on what goes on. >> is it fair to blame politicians? do they set the tone or is it your fault? >> it is partially my fault. i don't have that much reach. i would appreciate it if i did. it is ridiculous to blame politicians for people being rude to you. the set up of this thing, the guy got a screener copy of this report it is for politicians. i don't understand the connection. are they uncivil?

they should be uncivil. >> they were confusing two things. between tone and being crude. >> the idea that the tone is more debased than it has ever been. >> when people say the tone is getting course, what they are saying is they don't like your opinion, right this. >> bill marr said this. or rush limbaugh is being course. that is different from being crude, anna. you know about crude. >> i feel like they are turning manors into a political discussion. i think people have worse manors than they used to have. they rip out their cell phone and are half talking to you. men don't hold the door for you. it is not as expected as it used to be which i don't approve of. i think men should do that. i like the old-fashioned manners. >> you are a walking contridiction because you are a hard core feminist, but you expect men to open the doors?

>> out of control. look, i still make less money than a man with my qualifications. i still have to push another human being out of my body. open the door for me! >> she is talking about childbirth. >> no, actually i agree with you with the whole childbirth thing. >> the most important function in life is to give life. you should have doors opened for you. i agree with you. we agree. >> it is a good day. >> jesse, you are a massage nighs so we won't go into this. have audiences become less light? and is that due to the audience or the declining quality of your jokes? >> i wasn't listening to you, unsufferable leprechaun who is dressed like a hobbit car

salesman. what yardstick are we measuring less civil on? yes if we wanted to go back 120 years, we are not doing that thing where we throw our coat over a puddle anymore. however, if you go back 180 years we uninvitedly went into people's homes and gave them smallpox sandwiches and kicked them into the woods. that seems like we are more civil these days. >> that's a good point. i don't know. >> you mean the part of you looking like a hobbit car salesman? >> that was too far. >> i enjoyed it, but i am waiting for a question from one of our robots. >> jesse, congrats on making the cover of flattop digest. you are an inspiration to a generation of man babies everywhere. >> are you changing your haircut soon? >> we have the same haircut, but i have more because i am 20 years your junior.

>> just checking. what about the goatee? >> this is a new -- >> it is like a nest of fire ants. what i am trying to point out, now that you are newly single, jesse, you are adopting all of these cliches. goatee. >> vanilla ice circa 1990 something. i like that because that was my teenage years. >> there is a nostalgic quality that maybe some day have i to open the door open for her and she will push a person outside of her. >> this has happened at "red eye." from rude to -- i don't know what that is either. a woman actually gave birth on this table. it is this very table. from rude to rejected justin bieber is dead -- at least in spirit to the brooklyn new york principal who has now banned a bieber ballad. she was the lady originally nexted "god bless the usa" from a kindergarten ceremony.

greta hawkins claimed the song was offensive to some cultures while allowing "baby" by the canadian pop star. but under pressure she changed her tune saying bieber's song was inappropriate for five-year-olds as mayor bloomburg announced at a press conference on tuesday said bloomy, quote, the principal decided she is not going to sing that song. i love that he weighed in. thank god he weighed in. meanwhile, what is up with ukrainian bieber? >> that is amazing. >> that is somebody who entertains people. >> i just wanted to point that out.

you are a young woman. i am curious. i have three older sisters. at what age is bieber appropriate for kids, and when does he become not appropriate? >> well, i don't think it is an inappropriate -- like the song i listened to the lyrics, but don't do it because it is in your head the rest of the day. it is a weird choice. it is like they are celebrating that they are not babies anymore because they graduated kindergarten. i guess that's what it is. they are five. we are not babies anymore. but the song is about love, so it is awkward because they don't know what being in love is about. i say go back to boyfriend songs. >> you have the early 90s fetish there. >> i think this is on sandusky's i-pod. my goodness. i am disturbed by this whole thing. i am going write a series of letters to the new york post edit section. none will make any sense because they will get published.

joe, should all music at the ceremony be banned just to be safe? it seems like it is offending everybody. >> i never heard the justin bieber song "baby" but the lee greenwood song" i'm proud to be an american" i was forced to sing that in the boy scouts at every monthly meeting. at the end of the meeting we had to sing that song and salute a flag. but to me it represents huh poke craw see and a dampening of the human spirit, so i agree with the prince pl. i am going to have to listen to all of justin bieber's songs. >> do your research, michael. is this the most controversial kindergarten ever? i think we have done this story about 14 times. >> we did this one last night. >> i thought something was happening in my head. didn't we talk about this? the best thing about this new updated story beyond the comment from bloomburg who by

the way said that she was singing it? was the principal singing it? >> i guess so. >> lee greenwood said he was going to sing the song at the school. >> he lives in brooklyn. >> either way the woman who i pointed on ut a couple of monstrous things she did last year. she is under investigation again for apparently striking a child after confiscating a cell phone. to your point she is an american hero. >> she plays to her own rules, jesse. and the bloomburg thing drives me crazy. he is involved in every part of our lives. in a way it is a good diversion because it keeps him from going after our food. >> that's a good point. first of -- first off i want to thank you for wearing the suit you wore to your kindergarten graduation. whatten fiewr yates me the most is that five-year-olds graduate? why?

do some five-year-olds not graduate? >> it is a bizarre thing. all graduation ceremonies are pointless. >> what have five-year-olds done to deserve the con ferns of diploma. if you are at the age where if someone doesn't make macaroni for you you will die. that's why we don't make them at the nursing homes. i need to tease, but maybe you should turn the tele prompter on. coming up, how would you approach a beautiful woman? if you try to talk to me, i will throw scalding hot tea in your face and kick you in the groin. >> that's not true. >> it is true. first, what is the biggest sign you have reached adulthood? when a court ordered me to stay 500 feet from playgrounds and schools.

are you not fully grown until you own a home? a study out of the uk appears to have uncovered 50 signs that proves you are an adult. somehow owning a snakeskin shorty robe is not one of them. indications of adulthood is having a mortgage, but not relying on parents for money, being able to cook a meal from scratch, owning a lawn mower and having sex in the park like george michael. most don't feel like they are truly adults until aiming would 6, mostly because of the economy. says one, the complete right of passage is standing on their own feet financially is leaving us with a generation of teen inning aers in their late 20s. who cares? it is 3:00 a.m. you know who will never, ever grow up?

>> who hasn't had that happen every once in awhile? do you agree with a lot of them, and did many of these not apply to you? >> i realize that list is true, that i am an adult, but an unsuccessful one. i can keep myself alive and i can cook and clean and manage my checkbook, but i am not married and don't own a house and don't have kids. so i am lacking all of the milestones. >> do you really manage a checkbook? >> yes. >> really? you actually have a checkbook that you -- >> i physically have one. there is not a lot in my bank account, but i have a checkbook. >> i never balanced a checkbook. >> you don't? >> no, no one has. >> i thought you would be paranoid people are trying to steel from you, greg. >> why do you say that? >> i don't know. >> you are bothering me now. >> she really more consumed with his pot of gold. >> you have so much funny.

>> the little pants. >> people are always after your charms as well. your blue rainbows. >> i thought you were referencing he has two shows. >> he is comparing me to a leprechaun, do i need to spell it out for you? joe when did you know you were a grown up? >> to me the milestone is to own four tote bags and to have killed a man. if you have more than three tote bags you -- expru murdered a person in cold blood, you are an adult. >> that's a good list. >> i was going to say the same thing, plus punching a baby in the face. >> that's terrible. >> i do that sometimes. if they don't shut up. >> i am going to get letters from people who are against baby punching. >> it is my baby. >> somebody is going to call in and report you. >> i don't care. >> do you have a child? >> yes, i do. >> do you have kids? >> yes. >> vow actually adults. you two are adults and we are

not adults. once you have kids -- >> in england apparently it is when you no longer rely on mum or go to the rub bish tip. >> i like people who give credit for taking off their make up. that is just called being a human. >> having enough sense to take off your make up. it is weird it is on the british list. they are all born at 53. but there were things in like have multiple mortgages. one was enjoy taking a putter around the garden. just enjoying -- >> go get a packet of crisps. >> that's because there aren't a lot of things you can do anymore as an adult. nobody has any money, so it is puttering around the garden or buying crisps. that's what it is. jesse? >> i think the only person who could have done worse is bill. >> but i did think -- it was a weird collection. who ever did this had a

botanical hard on. do you plant flowers and do you enjoy gardening? you don't need to make them separate. >> i lost a point. >> they needed to get to the list of 50, and they were short. >> they are subsets of gardening. >> i think we have a question regarding this topic. >> great. >> jesse, my son says you stuffed him in a school locker last week. you realize he is only 11, right? >> why are you still hanging around there? >> i don't know. when ever i see somebody who is about that height i get serious. >> well thank god for that. do you have a comment on the show? e-mail us. and to leave a voicemail, 212-462-5050. still to come, the half time report from tv's andy levy. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by tattoo.

the permanent pictures or designs from the skin by staining it with an indelible dye. thanks, tatoo.

welcome back. let's find out if we got anything wrong. for that we go to andy levy. >> hi, greg, how are you? >> good, good. >> anna, i don't -- you have

to help me out. i am confused. in the green room you say he is an arrow. and then you say -- what is going on? >> greg is lying. >> i don't believe he is. >> you know i wouldn't do that. >> i would never say such a thing in the green room. >> you know if greg is caught in a lie and you catch him, he has to give you three wishes. >> if you say his name -- if you make him say his name backwards he goes back to the fifth dimension. >> i didn't even know that one. it doesn't work on me if i don't understand it. -- >> michael, first of all with that sweater you voted for that guy on "inglorious bastards." >> it is a man called levey.

>> you mention the muslim man that is being referred to as farhandoe. farhan means merry, joyful, pleasant or gay. >> is that true? >> yes. >> wow. >> that would be the source of his anger. what is that going to do to your self-esteem? >> that's what feminine children eat. >> i admire you for walking out on a limb. don't put that on your real. >> did you say jesse applied to be a cop on the village people? >> yes. >> i think it was "21 jump street." >> no i used that awhile ago. i said he was a stuntman. >> you look like an undercover cop at a high school. you think you are blending in

perfectly. >> who is that old guy with the smoker's collar? >> michael, you said the nypd can't not hire him if i cable double negative it based on how he answered that question. what is the point in answering that question? jay good question. -- >> good question. >> do you think he wrote the question -- you know you get the blank spot. if you would like to add anything else, and he wrote in. yes, if he were to ask me whether we should lock up homosexuals i would say yes. >> like at the end of the interview is there anything else you want to tell us about yourself. yes, i think all gays should be locked up. >> is there a question we didn't ask you. >> how many groups do they ask that about? >> do you want to lock up albanians? >> i really don't understand why they have to question it. probably michael you are right

it would be tough, but if they hire him and they have that information and they knew that ahead of time that's how he felt and something happens when he is on the force they are opening themselves up to a huge lawsuit. >> he wrote that whole thing. >> it was part of a long checklist. are you in favor of locking up murderers? >> it is a trick of the. >> and they put in the gay thing to trick them. >> on the new york post it was great. >> you know what happened? he evolved. >> joe, you said the youtube commenters are the rudest. monster people? i agree they are god awful, but are they any worse than -- are there internet

commenters? >> blog commenters are -- man. >> blog commenters? >> i don't read stuff on the internet that much. someone told me to mention youtube. >> i like magazines. >> have you ever read the letter to the editor? >> do they still make magazines? >> good for them. roger simon got an early look at this study. that's rude of them, isn't it? can't wait until everybody else sees it. he put that in there so that everybody is special. when we are doing a story about rudeness, it is over for us. >> michael, you think -- you seem to think the studies of politicians are to blame for

rudeness. and probably because simon frames it that way, but looking at the wording of the question, that's not the case. they asked people to rate media outlets and individuals from most to lead rude. >> they ranked fourth. i don't get it. >> you have to agree with me that michael was fantastic in black swan. >> it was good when i was in erasure. >> was it one of the nancy boys ? >> one of the ballet dancers. >> you are joining the nypd. >> i am casing on your sweater. >> anna, you said you have to push another human being out

of your body and greg agreed about the childbirth thing. is that what you meant? >> jesse, you brought up giving native americans smallpox just to point out this was never done intentionally. tts one of the stories that -- it is one of the stories that was out there. >> the indian act of 1830 there was no blankets? >> no mention that it was done intentionally. >> okay. >> what about amh ru st? that's the key story there. apparently there is no actual proof that it ever happened. >> i just watch polka hahn it is a and -- pocohantas and at the end they smother her. >> they are cute disney characters. >> how come i am the only one who has not read up on all of

these things. >> i think i thought of some proof. there is no more indians. >> what a coincidence. >> europeans came over here with their diseases and whatnot. they therefore had no immunities to. >> sometimes it just happens like that. >> how did we get into this conversation? >> i don't know, but i am going move on. joe, you said you never heard the justin bieber song "baby." seriously you are going to try to claim that? come on. people know you. >> you can only go that way. just take the word and say it in a sing-song way and you know you've got it. that's how we wrote it.

>> that is very attractive. >> i don't go for that usually. he is a good looking boy. >> have i to wrap up so i -- i have to wrap up so i will go to the 50 signs you are an adult. one of the 50 signs is having sex in the park with george michael? >> yes. >> the british are different. i was glad to see number 29 was spending weekend pottering, and then i realized it was nothing to do with the harry potter joy. and you said apparently it is when you no longer go to the rubb sigh h tip. but it is actually when you do actually go to the rubbish tip. >> i am done. >> that result of go away. coming up, what should you wear while beating up nerds in class? jesse joyce discusses his new line of clothing at macy's.

people still go to macy's. which jersey shore star had photos leaked on-line. i about bet it is snooki.

it is snooki as you never wanted to see her. ?iewd -- nude picks surfaced on-line. so for those of you who had june 2012 in the office pool for the this inevitability you win. the photos, one of them seen here because we couldn't afford to pay for the real ones show her pre pregnancy and wearing a white robe and nothing at all. ?o -- no word who leaked the pictures, but snooki's rep says she is not happy. clearly these are old and personal photos notment for the public. it is a shame somebody decided to leak them for obvious personal gain. well, i think we should discuss this in --

>> lightning roooouuuunnnnddddd. lightning round. >> why didn't we have this discussion -- >> i just didn't think it was interesting. >> i am going to you first. did you leak these photos ? >> yes, i did. >> why? >> because snooki and i have had a long relationship. if you have to pay for the photos, this was the question i was asking during the lightning round was if they don't know who leaked them, who do you pay if you want to use the photo? >> who ever bought the photos. probably tmz or something. >> i have to ask you because are you a woman. why do women insist of taking nude pictures of themselves alone? it never looks good. they always have their hand out in front. they are doing like this. it makes me feel sad. >> what is the alternative? having a friend do it?

>> it makes me feel so alone. >> here is my issue with her. i like a leaked celeb nude pick like the next girl. i didn't like this one because it was so clinical. it was like going to the gyno. that was the shot she gave. >> i didn't see that one. i only saw the above the waist. >> don't look, people, don't look. >> oh they are really not going to look now. >> i regret it. remember when scarlet johansson leaked. >> yes. >> they are pretty. she said i know my angle. snooki does not know the angle. she was up in the stir ups like here i am. >> jesse i am of the belief she leaked the photos herself. i think she felt she was being ignored and she leaked them. >> she has done stuff like this before.

these hoaxes where she photo shopped a picture of herself with a giant belly and wheated it as though it was her pregnancy. that's what this is too. this is actually a leaked 1984 1984ommpa of-loompa pap smear. >> joe, you have had nude photos leak on-line. what can she expect the next coming months? >> a lot of calls from my parents. i am still getting over the gyno reference. >> sorry. >> i haven't seen them. i am saddened. >> they are out there. you can look for them and you can find them. >> where do you find them? >> the web. >> where did you find them? >> my daily mail. i don't think she leaked them. if you watch "jersey shore" she has a hotheaded boyfriend, baby daddy. and she is going to be a mom

and i would like to think she has a little more morality than to leak pictures of her. >> i think you are mistaken. >> that's probably not true. the daily mail ended the story because they are the greatest newspaper on earth. they said this may be no laughing matter because she was raised catholic. what i know of this woman -- >> was that the last sentence of the article? that's the daily mail. >> did you ever go to the daily mail website and you can't get off. there are all of these amazing thicks and you are just going -- i don't want to forget the most important part of the story which is your affiliation with snooki. >> i have a very -- >> depressing affiliation. >> i have not been to your college in a longtime. joy that -- >> that sucks when your agent

is snooki's agent and he doesn't take your calls. >> i think we may have time for a question. >> jesse, thanks again for coming to my dinner party on friday. next time could you deliver the pizzas in under 30 minutes as promised? >> that's a good one. we have to take a break. don't think -- don't even think of leaving me now.

legendary comic slash figurine isn't keen on president obama and increasing taxes on the richest americans. in an interview she said, quote, i am being chastised because i work 18 hours a day and make a living. i am part of the 2% and really not interested in a woman who has 95 husbands. adding if i would, very hard i should be able to gather the fruits of my labor. jesse, i'm sure have you written a roasting joke about joan rivers. >> i actually wrote for joan rivers for awhile. she is actually super cool.

this is a paradoxical. she says yea capitalism, i should keep the money. but then she says we should have a monarchy. i don't remember the big eared inbreeding folks over there in london earning the castles and the fuzzy hated guards they have. >> i was raised by irish people. >> what do you make of this? >> she is the 2%? >> there is a big jump from the 1% to the 2%. >> i would say she is in the half percent. >> or the .01 percent which is the real rich. >> i traveled with her. i ?efer traveled with anybody, buts she is whisked through the airport. she doesn't have to go through security. and then they block off a part of the gate where nobody else -- they rope off 20 chairs and nobody else can go in that area. and then she gets on the plane

with the pilot. >> she is in a different ballpark. >> she lives like royalty. she supports all kinds of people. she payrolls all kinds of people. she does a lot of gad with her money. >> i love joan rivers. >> what is it with comedians freaking out on taxes? john lovitts did that. >> it is 1099. >> we need a third one to make it a trend. >> victoria jackson. >> that one doesn't count. >> yes, because she is out of her mind. >> her poetry is amazing. >> does she write poetry? >> yes. >> i interviewed victoria jackson in washington, d.c. i ran into her outside a tea party thing. my first question to her was about ellen clegghorn. the second one she said, no joke, the president was in it with her. >> maybe she is smart.

we are go is to close things things -- i was kidding. >> you were kidding. >> was i? stick around and find out. we will close things out with a post game round up.

i couldn't stop. i was on vacation. >> i got like 600, thank you, "red eye" viewers. we they'd more. please follow me. anna underscore gilligan. >> you don't get anything when you get more. >> i know. i like to gather them. >> upcoming gigs? >> this thursday through saturday i am at the comedy club in rochester, new york. that's what it is called, the comedy club. >> where can people find your latest? >> i have one coming up on charles baron who is running for congress in new york.