his job. i heard on twitter. >> eric: okay. >> kimberly: bad behavior doesn't pay. >> eric: we got to go. five seconds left. welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld. or jamie lee curtis. let's get the pregame report. >> greg, our top stories tonight, ryan lochte's mom says he got -- because of his rigorous training he only has time for one-night stands. >> the pentagon's missile defense agency warns staffers about watching porn. inassert missile joke. >> what's the greatest movie of all-time? we investigate how the voters left magic mike off the list. greg?

>> greg: magic mike is not a movie. >> it was. >> greg: it's an experience. it's above and beyond such moral endeavors. shut up. >> nobody loves magic mike more than i do but don't you think you're ridiculous? >> i think you're a jerk for suggesting that. >> have you seen magic mike. have you? >> no have you? no well, let's welcome our guests. >> so hot often mistaken for a toaster of ven. jill dobson. how vain is that and so sharp that ninjas use him to kill people, michael moynihan. and destroyers of career, and bill shut and if hill alert where a three legged race i'd do

him, and right next to me, anthony cumia. and the boring old drag half in the bag. our "new york times" correspondence. good to see you again, pin. >> amy o'leary, says online gaming is direct at name calling especially against women, becoming more sexually harassing. and you trying boobs with the respect she deserves, nerd. i don't know what online gaming is. >> rockets go boom. all right. somebody get him out of here. >> okay. they placed first at doffing their shirts two female protesters -- any kind -- went -- those are members of the

ukraineen's women's rights groups, targeting stuff like prostitution and sexism. look our blurry their chest is. one of them said, quote, the him yankee committee must not have allowed those governments to be represent in the olympics. they threat women like third-class citizens. let's listen to their demand with our eyes. [shouting] >> in other urgent olympic news. ryan lochte's mom is discussing his sex life, saying, quote, he goes out on one-night stands.

not able to give fully to a relationship because he is always on the go always on the go well, we'll have more on that in a moment. first, let's get a roundup of today's results from london. a reminder there may be a slight satellite delay. mike, who were the big winners today? >> thanks, greg it has been an absolutely huge day here in london. a out lot of action-packed events and a huge day for the east germans. that's right, great, winning the men's 200 medleys, narrowly outlasting the soviets in a hell of a race. the soviets pushing really hard at the end but eventually the east germans would win it. no bronze medals awarded. also earlier today in diving,

czechoslovakia, the team to beat, winning one and two, with french indo chynna getting the bronze. >> mike, that looks like footage from the 1948 london olympics. >> that answer to be a delay issue. >> do you have any real reporting to talk about? >> that's it from london, back to you, guys. >> i don't know if he is getting worse or better, but got some serious issues and we're going to regret not getting him any medical attention. anthony good, to see you. protesters actually have a point. there are countries that are very bad to women. >> i want to say that looks like it went swimmingly. that's right, people, dive in.

>> i understand why they're upset. we see countries that are real -- but honestly, look, china no one has problem with that and we know the chinese women gymnastic team goes back and solders 'ipads. >> it's amazing they have a women's team because they abort half their women. >> sorry about that. a bit depressing but true. >> stoning people to death based on looking at somebody's ankle, so be it. who are we to say. >> we for say because we're the world rest greatest country and those are the greatest feminist ever. i don't see american feminists going after sharia law. >> have h i would have been radical islam has a problem with women being educate would hold up my masters degree.

>> i was envisioning you doing this. >> this isn't going to make the late night talk shows. >> those are actors playing cops >> michael, welcome to the show. >> johnny wise mueller? >> control. sirra, -- syria, nye -- nigeria, should they get to participate or put a hold on their evil-doing because it's the himmics. >> the second you tell these people they can't participate, they're all going to tills we can't participate and it's going to be -- degenerate into a disaster. the one thing i found that all these countries have in common is they don't like americans. that's so -- there might be some -- might form a union of some sort, get one of these guys to organize them. >> they're so inpent. they would form a union and -- >> a union for stoning broads.

>> that's what they have. >> bill, as for the parents, got to be weird to hear a mother tack ber son's sex life. something you didn't have to sowons have to worry about it. >> as a parent i reserve the not to care, and if you read my fan site, you know i'm fully supportive of his lifestyle. lochte unloaded.org. today i mentioned there is just not enough of him to go around, and so one-night-stands it is. call me, you chest-shaven little miracle. >> anthony, here's the thing. what he points out is this facetious argument about selfless athletes. it really is all about themselves. i can't get involved with you because i'm training. that's selfless to me. >> no. it's got to be great for a girl. just looking at himself in a mirror. got to take a swim. hang out here and watch this.

>> it's status symbol for women. who can get away with it and be neglected and be crying about it. this is disgusting. >> his mother dish don't know. she might be in her 90s. it didn't say. but she said he goes out on one- night-stands? what happens when you go out and someone is drunk and you sveum lot and they go home with you. is he that good looking? >> it's not a date. it's a one-night sleep with you. >> never going to talk to you again. >> or leak in "good fella's." >> jill, do women go for handsome athletes who are really successful? >> i think some women do they're like, i'll overlook the fact your good looking and superrich and successful and go out with

you. but i think the mom sounds foreign. her name is ichta lochte, so i think she means he goes out on dates. >> how do you use "one night stand" and not -- >> our pop culture. >> last word to you, bill. basically it's not sacrifice, is it? it's selfishness on his part. >> you're being very hard only him. this is a great lesson, that women can be just as shallow as men. this guy is handsome, but if you look at any interview, he is a moron. i've never heard him say a complete sentence once. women or objectty identifying him. it's beautiful. >> i have to say for viewers at home it's odd to hear bill say this guy cannot complete a sentence. >> i've completed several sentences in various jails and proud of that.

>> from one night stands to sitting on our hands. are americas cheers worthy of jeers? the online magazine, salon, david has written something called "don't chant u.s.a." it's liberal americans' olympic dilemma, how do they root for the countrymen without jingoistic. >> he knows now that he is older he has a deeper understanding why we cheer, quote, we like to because of the deeper desire to publicly show indication mesh -- our shiny medallans and patriot tick brain assures us that despite our slipping world standing, we still kick international ass. despite some kill jios, the london games are not starring a

new generation of olympic hopefuls back home, like this up-and-comer. >> oh! >> i could watch this over and over. is this -- >> we turned into a country where you have to be ashamed we have done well in any aspect, business, your personal life, and the nation as a whole. we're good, we rule, but keep it on the qt. shut up. we're america. wrap yourself in the flag, cheer, who cares. good. >> just something moynihan in the liberal psyche that makes you feel guilty about achievement.

>> aguarantee you nobody ever called david cerota a traitor except for me right now. you're the access sally and the lord ha-ha of the olympics because he -- wants the guy to win. two things about this. i understand if you're cheering and shouting "u.s.a." as a bunker buster falls on baghdad. but it's -- another thing is other countries cheer. has he ever been to a european soccer match between countries? when european cup there are people that fight and stab each other. we don't do that. we say, yay, america. get off of it. >> jill do you feel bad now for rooting for your country? >> i don't. i'm a difficult person to ask because i'm the classic sad american. screaming out, "u.s.a.," or rangers if it's a hockey game.

>> the overweight women at home hate your guts. >> i am sucking it in so hard right now. >> when you call yourself a fat american there are people at home right now that are self-mutilating. >> it's been an adjustment, believe me. >> married to classic sad americans that are very angry with you right now. >> a lot of yelling with nachos flying. >> bill, what is your worthless opinion on this story? >> i tell you. this guy is talking about us being number one and rooting. we're not number one. if you go by the most fair way of doing, the most athletes competing versus medals, the number one country is north korea. i don't want to be number one. sure, they've got the most medals per cap tacoma but their gatorade is crab grass, for dipper, lunch -- and that must be amazing crab gramps i don't want that.

forget about being number one. >> for the record in case this comes back to haunt me, i was not laughing at the starvation. >> it was more in -- an aserb pick point. >> they want knows lose -- america to lose on the world stage. so everybody knows he was patriotism but he wrote it for his fellow editors and nobody else -- nobody agrees with him. he has chris hays syndrome. couldn't call anybody in the military a hero. it's something you say item press your friends and then everybody goes, that was stupid. you're stupid. >> all drop their fondue forks. >> i hate fondue. >> i found liberals denouncing

this on twitter, and this is the kind of thing it's the woman after 9/11 that wouldn't let her daughter fly the flag. the might be spies to make liberals look bad. >> even beck tell said it's ridiculous and shouldn't tar and feather all lefties but we're going do it all the time. peer pressure to rear -- peer pressure. new yorkers under 19 will need a note from their parents before they get their body pierced. governor cuomo send a bill with the requirement. patrol 20% of all body piercing rules in infection and also a risk of contracting hepatitis

from the procedure. i'm not seeing a down side. the law which excludes ear piercing requires piercing studios to obtain i.d. and you need a consent form signed in the witness of the piercer. now here's rg. >> when he wrote in, he said he was a rambunctious goat. i didn't believe him. the fact he wrote in was more impressive. jill, you're pierced on 0% of your -- 70% of your body. how did your parents react to this? >> it's cool, but the left ear is very 1991, or the guys who

have both ears, it's just cool. like chris jenner, luke perry. >> we're in a time warp, anthony? if you're going to be hip and edge and get a body piercing, don'tow deserve to get the infection? >> it's not from the piercing. it's from the cool sex you'll get after the piercing sense you're cool, and the government just forced teens to have them do it themselves and their friend does it for them. they won't go to some professionals who is antiseptic. use a coat hanger. >> i actually have -- it's interesting -- i have a piercing van i go around on weekends -- >> do you charge? >> no, i pay them. but it's the kind of thing like to do for the kid because -- >> parents don't understand them bill. >> bill, you got your nipple

pierced. >> a lot of people think it's a mole. stop writing in. it's a nipple. kids under 18 are not allowed to do a lot of stuff so let's add this to the list. if the concern is getting help site this b, and purple, you're going to get. the but people do this stuff to appear nonconformist but that follows into the con conformess realm which makes them conformist, which makes no sense to me. wasn't that funny. >> pierce your pancreas. >> what's the secret to healthy hair? jill dobson, i use the blood of baby seals. >> i club them myself. >> first, have pictures that are dirty in compromise our security in that's not a rhyme. ps

was their focus on porn instead of all things airborne, according to a memo, the pentagon's missile defense agency warned its employee to stop gawking at smut on government computers. they were detected in, quote, engaging in inappropriate use of the network and they reflect time taken away from designated duty. whatever, fun police. many adult entertainment sites are infected and they're used to steal government data and network. which is why iran has my workout photos. i wish there was a cat who could

hypnotizes me. >> i don't know what's going on there but i don't like that. anthony, if it's happening there, it's happening everywhere. this entire country is under the thrall of online porn. >> if you put a man in front of a computer he will naturally gravitate to pornography. it's been the way it was since the iniac computer. it burned out holeness the shape of a nude girl. >> it's more magnetic than magnets. >> exactly. >> give hem a little look at what are we here defending, guys? there it is. porn. >> gives them incentive launch the missiles. turn your key, sir, turn your key. >> when was the last time a boss

it would -- told you to curb your addiction. >> the only thing i ever got trouble at work was pitching too many stories. but being reprimanded for porn at work, got to be an awkward interview. >> never been able to chalk it up for research. >> all my cookies are fine. >> michael, could you sleep through a catastrophe, the effect these guys are not paying attention? >> i'm more worried that people actually have access to pornography on defense and government computers. i have work at ice cream shops that have dial-up that has software, you can't do that because anthony is getting a man in front of the computer. i do the second thing is check my mail. the first one -- you know -- >> depends what you mean by

check my male. >> oh! >> i see what you did. >> spelling change on that one. >> flipped the script. >> bill, defend their right to observe smut and put our lives in danger. >> i chant defend their right because this is a security issue, bold statement. they should have blocks on there. to paraphrase jurrasic park, porn finds a way. >> everyone is looking at me like a bunch of -- >> that was the computer virus. >> i know it is. i know it is you air began twerp. >> is the word chaos what he was -- >> oh! >> here's the thing. it is stuff net created by us to

destroy our own culture. pornography goes everything. >> are you making an antimorn nothinggraph point? >> what are the two magazines you edited? >> maxim and stuff. >> do you have a comment on the show? e-mail or leave a voice. still to come, the halftime report from andy levy. addicted to his own weirdness.

let's find out if we have got anything wrong so far. for that we go to andy levy. andy? you look like something is bothering you. >> something is bothering me, all right. this is a cover story on the cult of dr. who? he routinely receives tips from a fat and diverse number of tv shows. clark colis mentions "criminal minds,"" grey's anatomy" and it seems like somebody got liftoff the list. i i have made tartis references, but yet i am not

important enough for mr. clark collins to reference? "grey's anatomy,"" craig ferguson? that show comes on in the middle of the night. >> do i have to wear a fez to get noticed? >> i don't know, but i would like to see that. >> i would like to write a strongly worded letter to the editor. >> do you think we can tbet to the half time? >> why bother? >> i can't believe you read "entertainment weekly." >> here is the thing, this issue doesn't come out until later today on friday, but i am on a list where i get them early if i steel them off the desks of people in the newsroom. >> you mean my desk? >> no, i stole this from the newsroom. it is a good list to be on. i did that all right. olympics protest. greg, your olympic correspondent, he gave results from four countries of french

in-- indo china and i don't believe any of the countries he gave exist. >> i noticed that, but i didn't say anything. >> something fishy going on. >> you know what it was? it was a nepotism hire. what am i going to do? when the boss calls and says i want you to hire my nephew, and i go, oh, your mef few looks like -- nephew looks like a half naked bear. >> from the spin doctors. >> by the way, when another half naked bear off the street tells you to hire someone you don't have to do it. i don't think you know what nepotism is. that guy didn't work for the company. >> regarding the topless protest, our league was protesting involving two people. >> i don't care. that one person is equal to a thousand other people. that was 2,000 people. >> i just wanted to point it out. >> anthony, while the women are right about the easy law mist countries, you say everybody has their foibles.

it is funny to see stoning women a foible. >> i may have glazed over the stoning or burning people thing, but we sometimes have a high unemployment. >> so you are actually mocking relativism. >> thank you. i didn't know i was doing that. >> i heard it. >> anthony, just say yes. >> yes, that's exactly what i am doing. >> we can be no better than that credit. >> we will just edit it out and it will make you look good. >> it makes me look smart for my family. >> you look like you came from "scrubs." >> the show? >> yes. >> i wasn't sure what you meant. you said the second we tell you they can't participate they will say we can't participate because they hate america. you are right. should there be some basic level of human rights and freedom required before your country is allowed to compete, or do you do the whole you

don't punish the athlete, you know what the government does. >> we tried this before in 1979 and the boycott didn't work. the union did crumble 12 years later. >> that's a very good idea. >> absolutely. >> jill, you mentioned that it was odd ryan lochte -- michael said it was odd that lochte's mom said he goes out on one-nightstand. jill, you said she sounds foreign, racist, and she probably meant to say he goes out on dates. the question is, why are you ruining this beautiful story? >> because -- >> jill, in your life, are dates the same as one-night stands? >> i am anti-one-night stands. get married, fall in love, have babies. >> and then have one-night stands. >> it is the american way. >> for a guy with no time for relationships the australian press said lochte has been

seen cozying up with blair evans. >> their babies will be the fastest swimmers. >> they apparently touched under the water. >> there is a great guy. >> oh, blair is a dude? >> no, blair is not a dude. >> that's not what i heard. >> then they will have babies who are fast swimmers. >> what is wrong if he happened to be a dude? >> nothing. >> jill? >> it would be harder to have the baby. >> why don't you go eat at chick-fil-a. >> if you have ever seen a john hughes movie you know blair is a male name. >> i was clarifying the having babies part. >> oh because they president cay have babies -- they can't have babies. >> so you are a racist and a homophobe, amazing. >> just don't talk about the jews. michael, you said nobody called him a traitor until right now. are you going to make him lose

his job too? >> have you ever read "salon." i don't think there is anything you can say that would make you lose your job. >> he is pushing biggest hack. >> i wrote something about michael, and i recommend the viewers to look that up. it was pretty good. >> and they did a bid on it on "the five." >> i did a monologe. why are we talking about things the viewers don't care about? >> you said we turned into a country where it is a shame to be solves. and you are right. there is a certain type of person that fees that way. is there a middle ground between that and maybe being obnoxious and going over board? >> gloating or something? no. especially in the olympics. it is all about cheering on your country and the athlete. what are you supposed to do? sit there and feel bad? oh, we just got the gold.

xnay on the olgay. >> he talked about the dream team in 1992. i have been saying this for awhile, but we proved our point in 1992 that our basketball players are by far the best nft world. best in the world. we can stop that now. let the college kids play. it is just a bunch of routes. >> i don't look that too deep into it. i hold a beer up and say, america! >> i don't care how deep you want to get. it is usa and it is america. are you a comme? >> it is pathetic he had to go back to 20 years ago for an example. right? that's his example is the usa team in 1992. >> has it happened recently? i don't watch the olympics. >> our basketball teamly routinely beats the crap out of people. >> do you think they should play with less players? >> i think the olympics would be better served by letting college athletes play.

>> if you have kids and they play in little league, would you say like you shouldn't keep score? are you one of those? >> that's completely different. i think our college kids could win. >> how about we were paying attention to all of those rules about no professionals in the olympics, and then other countries were putting their bestest, bestest people in, and we were getting racked. >> so what, they are cheating. >> well then why can't we cheat on an equal level. >> if you have to cheat to win, then that's -- you suck. >> it is the american way, andy. >> what are you talking about? >> i get what you say, but i don't think our college kids could win at this point. >> occupy london. >> i don't have time for that, but it was a good point. consent for body piercing. jill, when you said -- when they said you pierced 90% of your body, you didn't deny it. >> i don't deny a lot of things. i club baby seals and i am a

meth addict. >> my general understanding is if you don't deny it, it is the same as saying that is true. >> believe what you want. >> that's how journalism works. >> by the way, we are pulling that out of context clip with jill saying all of that. >> i club babies, i do meth. what else do i do? >> your mind is so wrecked you can't even remember. >> i don't even know where m why. >> no time for that. the pentagon missal defense agency. anthony, you said watching porn maybe gives men the incentive to know what they are defending. here is the problem with that, from what i have been told, but a lot of the porn sites are foreign, and many are russian. so it might stop the men from launching against these countries because they don't want to kill the beautiful women. >> we are a melting pot. we bring these people to our country where we are all one big happy, naked family. >> i could be wrong, but i have been told a lot of the sites are foreign. >> when we watch a porn in

america, we like that they are all-americans. >> usa! usa. >> you know, it is funny, i do feel when i am watching pornography, when i see americans i refuse to cheer. when they are performing exemplary i just stair. >> why did you clab with one hand. clap with one hand. >> oh jeez. >> go. all right, coming up, stories so incredible if they were pigeons you would say, wow, those are incredible pigeons and you would stomp on them because you are a bad personment. >> that's what i would do. >> i know. how much dos pauly d make on appearances? whatever it is it is not enough. the man has a gift. i have seen him four times.

it had a good run at number one, but "citizen cane" no longer ran. the greatest film of all time is alfred hitchcok's "vertigo." it has been bumped to number two and "vertigo" has been steadily climbing the charts since its initial mixed reception, much like my 1980s aerobics video. shall we discuss this in the -- >> lightning rooooouuuunnnnndd. lightning round. >> anthony, it is a proven fact that anything done before 1960 is boring. why do people insist on rating these movies as classics? >> i think when they are older movies by directors that are dead, they become classics. even ed wood's movies are like, wow, it is a classic. those stunk. >> they are terrible. >> i think it is because they can never, ever make one again. >> what is your favorite movie? >> my favorite movie of all time?

i change them, but "fargo" right now. you are darn tootin. i can't get enough of that one. that undercoat. >> i shouldn't have asked. all of these top 10 movies were made more than 40 years ago. why no modern flicks? >> i don't know. i looked at it, and i was combing that list for "zargas." >> sean connery. >> wearing like some sort of sumu outfit. a great film. i think critics think it makes them appear smart when they pick the soviet film that is silent and shot in moscow after the russian revolution. now, it is fascinating, but you don't get the kids on the couch and watch it on saturday night. that's a sign it is not a good movie to the movie critic. >> do you think we will ever see a chick flick breakthrough and make the top 10, or are they that bad? >> as long as it stars katherine heigl it will remain

time less and top of the list over the long run. >> or how about train spotting because it reminds you of your life. >> train spotting is the original chick flick and inspired "love actually." "love actually" is something you would see when you were on heroin. bill, you said neither of those fine films made the list. >> no, they are not very good. i know i used to be a "hotel for dogs" guy. i switched. "space chimps." many say if that's your cup of tea, why not? an ape on a planet. these chimps are in the space. they are talking and instead of chimps in space, it is a cartoon. signed, sealed, delivered. >> so the chimps are in space? >> they are not only in space, but there's a lot of them. >> i have an uh finish tee for talking -- an uh finish tee

for talking animal movies. i love "alvin and the chipmunks" and i thought how can you make it better? if only jason lee would create a franchise. see what i mean? >> the "turner and hooch." >> not on the list. >> "air bud." >> i rented that movie thinking it would be something else. wide retriever. don't leave yet, blah, blah, blah. more to talk about.

they unveiled a tumbler account called keith olberman. it has nothing but grainy pictures of sunsets over new york city. i used to be a semiprofessional photographer, emphasis on semi. they make pills for that,

keith. anthony, is this what happens when you don't know what to do with yourself? >> i have been fired and had no clue. we didn't have insta gram or anything to put up on the tumbler account. i think i just went into the remote controlled helicopters. like i really had no idea what i wanted to do. all my friends were working. i was like, helicopters -- that was it. >> you were awesome. >> it is better than this. >> here is the thing, mike -- these are not good pictures. >> no. the thing i think is funny about this is first it is actually keith olbermann because there are so many fake ones. this is the real deal, guys. if this was somebody that was not keith olberman, i would look at these pictures and say, look, i get it. are you rich with a great apartment and great views of central park, but because he is keith olbermann they say, that's fascinating. >> it is a metaphor for his career. >> jill, i like the fact that

he caught lightning. he got a picture of lightning. a lot of people don't do that. >> i am not going to bash the guy. he is twice as professional as the jill dobson show.com, but if you are going to be on tumbler, you have to go to surrey's burn book, it is surrey cruise out fashioning all of the other kids. >> that's what you have when you have millions of dollars and nobody likes you. >> you have to sit there for awhile to get a lightning picture. that just doesn't happen. you are at the window 24/7. i will say the only difference between this tumbler account and my tumbler account is mine is called keith olbermann actually. >> and pictures of thunder. >> what is a semiprofessional photographer? >> i have no idea. this topic is so boring. we will close things out and to see recent shows go to fox news.com/red eye.

we'll see you back here tomorrow for "the five." tomorrow we've got michael ian black 1k3* harris falkner. >> back to andy levy for the post game wrap up. >> are you still an lig for your own talk show? >> i am. i need the viewers to make it happen. if you know network execs, viewers, give them a call. my beautiful blog hasn't made it happen yet. viewers, i'm counting on you. >> ed might be watching. >> give me a call. >> you don't want that

actually. >> are you taking the old time radio show on the road? >> we are going to chicago august 10th, and i cannot go to chick-fil-a, but in chicago i can still get shot. >> good luck with that? >> michael, get anyone fired lately? >> no, why would you ask? >> i don't know. >> i don't know what you are talking about. >> got any new articles in the pipeline? >> it will be on the show on sunday talking about somebody who didn't get fired. >> really? >> he is going to be on kurt talking about the controversy. there was a writer who had written a book in which he had fabricated some certain things. and created quite a controversy within the journalism world. >> and cost a man his job. >> and i feel terrible. >> a man who did