okay. that's it for us at the five. thanks for watching. going to see you tomorrow if you can believe it stay tuned for "special report" coming up next. [ laughter ] welcome to "red eye." it is like mr. smith goes to washington, if by mr. smith you mean greg gutfeld and by washington you mean naked spin classes. let's go to tv's andy levy. what is coming up on tonight's show? >> our top story tonight, a country star and a hip hop legend get together to record an awesome song about racism. i'm just kidding. it really sucks. and melissa harris perry wants your kids taken from you and raised this communes to become god less slaves of the state. and beyonce and jay-z celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary in cuba. should we be outraged or were they uh -- were they havana

good time. >> what a great play on words. >> i am putting that on parcheezy. >> you mean nothing to me. let's welcome our guests. well, she knows district courts like i build pillow forts. a first time guest, john gnaw spilbore. and if he was balloon animals, clowns would blow him at a party. , joe devito and my repulsive sidekick, bill schulz. and if thoughtful commentary was a gong he would get banged during the song "knights in white satin." >> a block, the lede, that's the first story. take it away, greg gut-field. i know what i said. >> what is the point? i want to point out that we

have a jonah and a john gnaw and a joe. so at any moment we may get the wrong camera. i am saying hey, joe and they may go to jonnah. there, they did it again. >> and my cabaret name is juju. >> and you are catholic. >> let's do a story. is it country or an affontry. brad pacely wrote a song helping to ease racial tensions. and critics won't let him forget it. they rip accidental racists and calling it superficial and heart less. it is the worst song ever and a mourn will ballad about how hard it is to be a white man. but is it as bad as they say? is it worse? point your ear holes this way.

>> ♪ i hope you understand ♪ when i put on that t-shirt ♪ ♪ the only thing i meant to say ♪ ♪ is i am a scared -- i am a skynyrd fan ♪ >> is that it? no it is not. later l.l. cool j, i believe who is a hip hop artist and an actor, raps his mind. >> ♪ just because my pants are sagging ♪ ♪ doesn't mean i am up to no good ♪ ♪ you should get to know me ♪ i wish you would ♪ my chains are gold ♪ and i am still misunderstood ♪ >> ♪ i'm proud of where i am from ♪

♪ not everything we have done ♪ ♪ i am getting the iron chains ♪ >> when he said could i had no idea he was going rhyme that with wood. that is why he is one of the greatest hip hop artists of all time, and he was. >> paisley said this is not a stunt or something i came up with to be shocking or anything like that. this is a very sensitive subject and we are trying to have the discussion in a way that can help. one internet critic explained in a video why the song failed. >> what was that? are you mad at us? >> jonah, all right, we had a long discussion in our pod where we work about this song, and it is so easy to rip this

apart and make fun of it because it is awful. at the same time, at least they are trying to do something about something that is something. >> yes. >> i don't have to say yes to that. >> no. i don't like country music. i don't like the song. it is a bad song. totally fair game for this guy to walk out and put himself in the cross fire and get shot at, figuratively. at the same time, we have been hearing from people forever. all we need is a conversation about race. the attorney general called us a nation of cowards for refusing to talk about race. the guy goes out and writes admittedly a crappy song about race. they say how dare you do a song about race? >> anytime you start with a

message unless it is grand master flash, you almost always fail. when you start with an idea and then try to write around an idea, you always end up in a bad place. you have to start writing and then -- what am i talking about? >> elvis presley is in the ghetto. >> exactly. devito, you are a music critic when you are not lifting weights over a naked mirror. they say it glosses over the legacy of racism. do you think it does? >> the problem is i can't tell a country music song from a country music song parody. they sound the same. except the part during l.l. cool j's break. you can actually hear him signing the back of his check. i think it is corny. i laugh every time i hear it. but jonah makes a good point that he doesn't say anything

racist. perhaps this clumsy, awful song does have a message of i am thought a southern person, and we forget the people in the south, this idea of, no it means we are proud to be a southerner, we should ask them, we see the confederate dplag -- flag and that's not what happens to us. it doesn't make sense to us. we do need to stop freaking out and you say our people feel this way, why do they feel this way? perhaps this horrible song. >> yes, in a weird way, could this song unite all races and hatred for the song? >> it probably could. paul mccartney and stevie wonder did the same thing and people loved it. they got to sing it for the president president. this is a dumbed down twangy version of the same thing and why do we hate it so much? >> we are not fans of country music and we have a lot of fans at home of country music. one is dana marine know who is

probably -- dana perino who is probably watching and throwing things at the tv. it is trite which i think and the problem, bill. this is l.l. cool j wrapping, if you don't judge my gold chains i will forget the iron chains. is that the most important lyric in music ever? >> i forget what he rhymes flag with. i won't have a problem with your red flag. you can have a problem with that. the confederate flag is not an issue. the whole delivery is tentative. i am not 100% -- can we have somebody that we can buffer this through? you are right. we do have a lot of people out there that do like country music. i do have to tell you sincerely from the bottom of my heart, stop. >>- q. i i am not a -- >> i am not a country music fan, but country music doesn't

have irony. when somebody actually expresses an honest view point, and if he was really a racist person he would not have l.l. cool j with a hat. he is speaking from a good place. >> i think he meant to do something well. the moment it came out everyone jumped on him from the onion to andy levy. they are an avowed racist. he hates every minority with a passion. he hated this because he knew it was a threat to his race istle. to his racism. this is a rap from ll. just because my pants are sagging doesn't mean we are up to no good. you should get to know me. i wish you would. aren't the sagging pants a way that people don't get to know you? >> i am not part of the

group. i don't wear sag gee pants. saggy pants. >> it comes from prison. they will confiscate your belt. >> you raise another point here. again the song is fair game and all of that stuff, but there is something about these 20 something liberal guys, white guys who went to ivy league schools and who blew up on the internet about how outrageous it was, as if they were deeply invested in these issues or were around during jim crowe or any of this stuff, the idea that we see the authority and the people will forever tell -- white people are doing something sincere and you can't do that because we get to decide your race. >> what have you done, blogger for the onion? seriously. brad paisley sat down and did something. the title accidental racist, that is a great title for a skit.

you know in every "three's company" there is sexual innuendo. i think it is the way you live your life, bill. >> i think it is a good excuse. i didn't mean to say the n-bomb. it was an accident. i actually fell on to it. >> like you fall on to a lot of things. i am a little bummed though. l.l. cool j, i miss l.l. cool j. >> he used to be cool. >> mama said knock you out, going back to cali. >> the only bad rhyme he didn't use in that song was rhyming "i'm here to say with in a major way." ♪ i'm here to say, blah, blah blah ♪ ♪ in a major way >> that is usually done in a public service announcement about reading. my name is jim and i am here to say as a librarian you should read away jie. i -- >> i hate illiteracy in a

major way. >> you have the home answering machine rap. >> that's the dad rap. you would be embarrassed when your high school friends would call. >> i love the story and i would salute brad paisley and ll l.l. cool j doing something interesting and vital even though we are mocking it. we are idiots. from bad songs to bad muppets. a man who dresses like an unlicensed cookie money, put that on your resume. so what did you do the last four years? >> i was a cookie monster. this guy has been arrested after pushing a two-year-old boy to the ground. the kid's mom who happens to be a bally wood star says they were swarmed by puppet impersonators who urged her to take pictures. problems arose after she informed the cookie monster

she couldn't pay for the pictures. do we have a picture of her, tells the new york post owned by our parent company, nice people who like to have fun, but will kill you, incorporated, that the muppet responded, quote, give me money and i have $2 for a photo. the stuff is trash. and she says the manic monster then pushed her son to the ground. not appalled yet? well feast your eyes on this. >> do you like cookie monster? >> no. >> not anymore. >> i like elmo. >> why be so rude to somebody for $1 or $2? it is shocking. >> what happened with the cookie monster? >> he give me boo boo. >> three things, he is adorable. she is gorgeous and don't like elmo. meanwhile, the character has

yet to make a dollar. >> that is disgusting. >> if you could get your picture taken -- if you get your picture taken, you should pay even if it is a creepy, weird owe costumes. if you are going to do that with a bucket there, wasn't she obliged to pay or do you think they jumped in? >> first of all it was only $2. but moms, how about we keep away from the guys in the furry blue suits who want to touch your kids for $2? i want to sign that kid up as my client. we are going to sue. 10 fur bees and any other in a class action lawsuit. bring me your children. that's what we will do. >> it is true though. if you are a pervert, buy a

costumes and go to time square and you not only get paid, but you get like your little rocks off in a sick and perverted way. >> we condemn it. >> we do condemn it. where do you get those costumes? who is right here? the furry freak or the hot mom. >> don't make me choose. this is the end result of the de regulation of the muppet industry. the scarest part is they said her husband was going to the atm to get money. as soon as they dealt with this horrible situation a giant dora explorer rushed them. it is creepy to walk through that part of town with the giant cartoon characters. >> you know what you are getting into. >> what are you in the muppet district? >> have i to walk through times square every day to work and i'm telling you buzz light year with his giant hat in front of me trying to buy

whatever he is trying to buy. i can't stand buzz light year's hat. jonah, okay, how can a cookie monster be an unlicensed cookie monster? imagine there is a guy in time square. have a picture with unlicensed jonah goldburg. it is a conspiracy of cliches. it is not you. >> it is a guy wearing a giant jonah mask. >> well, first of all, that's not part of the problem. it is unlicensed and it doesn't really look like cookie monster. it is a hong kong knockoff of cookie monster. i guess it is a union thing, right? you can't get the job unless are you in the union. that's the only way you can be a licensed cookie monster is you have to prove yourself. pay your dues or something. i think this is about the strangest story i have ever --

it strikes me as copy write infringement. what you need to do is get the children's television workshop to spend some of their hundreds of millions of dollars that they get from taxpayers and shut this thing down. >> the cops should be arresting these guys like they arrested the vagrants that want to spit on your windshield and then wash them off. i don't think they have handcuffs big enough to go around the paws. >> wouldn't it be great if they had cookie monster in prison still in the costumes. >> awesome. >> disgusting and i don't condone that either. bill, you are in time square often dressed as a urine-stained homeless guy, ie, yourself. >> it is a character. >> it is a character. there is stephen colbert and there is stephen colbert. >> have you had encounters with these furry stars? >> yes, every time we do that. we do most of our man on the streets in that area and i see those guys all the time. the most impressively awful thing about them is, a, how

horrifying they are. there is a reason they don't really look like cookie monster. the affect of not making them look like cookie monster, they are more yelling than smiling. the eyes are going like this and they are not really into it. this is how they sell themselves. and we are supposed to pay money for this. >> it is how desperate tourists are to get a picture with anything. they will take a picture of a guy using a jackhammer. he will be there like this and they are taking a picture and he is like, what the f are you taking a puck tour of me for? they will see a person having a heart attack, a heart attack, and a guy trying to revive him. and people will be taking pictures of it. let me get a picture with a dead guy. >> this happens on tort 6th -- 46th, 47th and 48th day. >> what is an awesome way to impress a woman?

>> make a portrait using my own toe nail clippings. did cuba bend ova for a man called ova. my favorite show is nova. on your prepaid card?

introducing chase liquid. the reloadable card with no fee reloads and withdrawals at chase atms. all for one flat monthly fee so there's zero confusion. get rid of prepaid problems. get chase liquid. parents? that's what the detectives keep telling me. a new msnbc promo suggests otherwise. she finally got her own lean forward spot. the results couldn't be more spotty. >> we have never invested as much in public education as we should have. your kid is yours and totally your responsibility. we haven't had a very collective notion of these are our children , so part is we have to breakthrough our private idea that kids belong to their parents orchids

belong to their families and recognize that kids belong to whole communities. once it is everybody's responsibility and not just the household's then we start making better investments. >> it is really weird. she just stands in the middle of a park and does this. unusual. john sex ton from brett bart.com says a college is known to anyone who wants to work at it. and there is a preschool where if it were to pass kids enter public care at age 3 and continue until they are 17 or 18. this isn't commune -- communal enough. let's go to cat who just discovered mirrors. >> wow. >> without mirrors we don't

have half of the videos. >> are you welcome, greg. >> mirrors can talk. >> joe, if you can spread the wealth, why not spread the kids? >> the idea that kids belong to anyone makes it sound like an investment, a piece of property. i thought that was a creepy way. it would only be so open. who is making -- did we make that video for her? the only way we would look at kids is for their stem cells which i will eventually need. >> i was going to say child laborer, but stem cell beat the child laborer. anyway, jonnah, is she advocating a lazai form of communism? she won't come out and say? >> here is the thing, kids are

optional. they belong to the person responsible for keeping the little rug rats from kicking the back of my sit for the four-hour flight to las vegas. that's who they belong to. they don't belong to me. i pay my taxes and that is great so they can get their education, but they are not the fruit of my loins, then they are not my responsibility. >> i bet are you a terror in vegas. >> i love -- craps is my game. >> i bet. i bet when you are on a run it is scary as hell. if some dealer screws you up you throw a hot drink in his face and stab his boss in the eye. >> and then i keep on playing. >> i know you do. you don't even care. >> i don't miss a beat. >> you are like joe pesci in "casino." jonah, nothing good comes from a collective. you should reach for your gun and hide.

>> this is an old thing in progressive circles. hillary clinton said in the 1990s she said we as a country need to move beyond the idea that there is an idea of somebody else's child. somebody who has a child the reason we have a second amendment is my child is mine. the thing i love about the ad is it is sort of like -- first of all it would have made more sense if she was saying what she was saying while in an unlicensed cooking. at least you could see them coming after kids. it is like a bad idea in the gene commercial that she says this out loud. i think a lot of people actually believe and it is an age old project to do this. >> i want to point out too, a humil of bob denver is not a child. it is a collectible, but not a child. a collectible for the collective. >> i will show you the back of

my windowless van. never mind. >> bill, kids belong to everyone she seems to say. isn't that great for you? >> i wish this was the case. ii december streetly -- i could use some help for my super i will legitimate daughters. i realize i should stop calling them daughters because the doctor wrote indeterminant in the gender area of the birth certificate. we as a table can't do this story justice. today on a show i like to call "the five" they call this socialist and fashist. i nominate you guys for the 2013 outragey. >> by the way, i coined the phrase, outragey. >> reporter: and now it is an entire award. >> that should make it easy for you to get it. >> "red eye" should do the out ray gees. i hope nobody else is watching this. >> we will bleep it. >> that's usually the case.

>> if you do the outragies, it is a clip of the unlicensed cookie monster that you have 10 minutes to get your hand off my crotch. >> no it was 10 bucks. >> where has this gone? do you have a comment on the show? e-mail us. red eye at fox news.com. and do you have a video of your animal doing something disgusting, but sophisticated? go to fox news.com/video. still to come, the report from andy levy, jerk. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by jerry blossoms. the flowers of the cherry tree cultivated for ornamental use. thanks, cherry blossom.

we're back, let's see if we got anything wrong so far. hi, andy, how are you doing? >> good. >> did you turn off your phone? >> no, i just took it out of my pocket. accidental racist. greg, you said the song is awful, but at least they are trying to do something good. >> yes. >> so this is music and not a freshman term paper. >> you know what, let me see you try to do something good for america. you racist scum. >> but i choose not to. i believe it is better to not do something than to try to do something and fail. >> then why do you do half time? see what i did there?

>> he is too busy shuffling papers. >> the shuffling will not let you escape your own mortal coil. [laughing] >> jonah, hi. >> hey, what is going on? >> how are you? >> you said all we need is a conversation about race. i think you said we need to con veer say the about race. >> you're right. >> is that an actual word? >> no. >> it should be. if you can dictate, salivate, you can con veer say the. notice i didn't use the other one. >> i just figured if anybody is making a fool out of themselves why get in the way? >> it is a word. >> it is not a word. >> con veer say the? >> it is probably out of usage. >> i think it is a word. >> to the google machine. >> if only there was a way to figure this out.

>> it is a word. >> it is not a word. >> to conversate is a word. >> stop it. >> we have three producers. >> thank you, thank you. >> look it up on your phone. >> webster's dictionary according to todd kelly. come on speaker right now. todd, tell andy. todd, do you have a thing? >> i have just been told it is not a word. >> todd just said -- >> you don't know what they just told me in my ear. the publicave one of the show library and then four hours later give us the top schools. >> it is a word. >> it is not a word. >> on twitter they have a sweet conversation. >> punish him. >> honestly i will say i don't give a crap if it is in the

dictionary, it is not a word. >> then you are no longer america's only bud -- am buds man. >> i am the world ombudsman. >> no, if you can't agree it is a word, you know what you are? as racist as you always are. >> i'm sure if david duke used the word he would be okay with it. >> david duke would never use something that was not a word. >> see what i mean? >> you always support him. >> you said paul mccartney and michael jackson can perform ebony and ivory and why are we hating on this song so much. that's a fair question. that song sucked too. >> it was a beautiful rendition of two races coming together like keys on a piano. >> and it was steven wonder. see how racist you are. >> really, really deep lyrics about coming together like the

black and white keys on a piano. >> that's what it monte? that's what it meant? i thought it was an attack on elephants. bill ll says if you won't judge his do rag he won't franchise your red flag. >> they arey quitable. >> well that word is racist because i wear a do rag all the time. >> i managed to clean up the doo doo with my rag. >> joe, you can't tell a difference between actual country music and song parodies. i think what you are missing is what paisley and ll were doing is meksing bad country and bad rap. >> mission accomplished. >> it is a great country and there is great rap. >> what about my confederate flag do rag. >> i don't know. i was told we shouldn't judge it. it is something to wear when

you are buying meth. >> you are not wearing teeth. >> you said accidental racist was the title for the skit. and on twitter he hopes the song triggers emotions. >> why are you being so hard on brad? >> it is an awful song. >> brad is is probably a good guy. >> he probably is examine i am not a brad paisley fan. he has written many good songs and this is not one of them. >> he is a good person and he did a good job. he had good intentions and i would like to support brad paisley. unlike weird owes brad paisley tried to unite people. that's the difference. and i president whatted to work in the name jim carrey.

>> obnoxious kid and his cheapskate mom screw over cookie monster on time square. shame on you for your slanted coverage on this. oh let's support the pretty woman and the cute kid and blame the blue monster. you make me sick. >> maybe you are thought racist. >> are we sure this is not an andy levy moderator? >> fair and balanced is the motto of this station. >> are you saying we might have let the motto down? >> possibly for the first time in "red eye" history you ma i have done that. >> that was an unlicensed story. >> you said moms, but what about the guys in the suit that want to scare our kids? >> how dare you? >> how dare you? to some people this is how they make their livlihood?

i am getting a vibe this is more of a personal story. i would have been best but in this position i can't. the cleaning fees on those things, $2 really helps. let's prove this and waive croopily. he's one of them! you are an elmo. >> look at his eyes. it is great when they come toward the kid and they bend over and try to do all of this stuff. you know inside they are dying. it is horrible. >> honestly it has to be a horrible way to make money. >> and by the way, you just know that a lot of these people are happy doing this because they came from a far worse place ssments -- place. i am not wherever i came from, insert country we don't like.

>> like msnbc. >> i can't believe i remember that name. >> is that how you fro nouns it? -- pronounce it? >> i don't know. >> nobody knows. perry wants your children to belong to everyone. she wrote a long post, and she started off with my inbox was filling with hateful, personal attacks on monday. >> none of us experienced that. >> conservatives never get that. liberals would never do something like this. >> nef -- nothing is happening to thatcher. >> you said this continues from the long -- this comes from the long-time progressive notion. we need to move away if there

is as something -- somebody else's child. i think that is what she was 8ing in the promo. in the blonde post she tries to frame it. she is talking about her mom volunteering for daycare centers and her dad coaching basketball teams and crossing guard. that's what she meant just so you know. >> she is what social sciences call a big, at that time liar -- a big, fat, liar. they had to go through layers and layers and layer. she is talking about a private notion. it is nonsense. >> she was not talking about volunteerism. maybe she was just con veer say thing. >> i think she was. >> by the way, what is the difference between obnoxious and noxious? >> well, obnoxious can mean smelly.

that's all i got. noxious is more poisonous. you said her 30 second segment was more poisonous. >> sure. >> this was a great conversation. >> you think 50,000 people just turned off their tv's? >> wow, go away. >> you go away of the it it is "red eye" with greg gullet felled. never, ever forget that. >> coming up, why do you come in hire looking all dressed up like a schoolgirl's dream. not a story juch an odd complement -- compliment. first, it is people drinking in bars. people drinking in bars have

one for me. and by one i mean a cyanide pill.

smie did beyonce and jay get the okay to stay? these parents took a trip to cuba to celebrate their anniversary. it is something ordinary admonishes can't do because of a -- ordinary people can't do because they had power from the u.s. government. it was a license to promote people to people contact. you will never know that, bill. the head of a group that works to normalize american-cuban relations tells routers which is the name of my german masseuse that there was characteristics of licensed trips undertaken by thousands. some lawmakers beg to defer or differ. like republican congress m --

congresswoman who tells roiters roiters -- routers that it is wrong. anyway, while the superstars were in cuba, they learned how cigars were made. i believe we have tape. >> that video cost me $1,000. >> money well spent. >> we have to fire that guy. johnna, they didn't go i illegally, what do you think? >> i am so sick of them. can i just say, i love them as artists, but, god, do they have to do anything that the rest of us can't easily do?

it is just because they are beyonce and jay-z? >> just go do something good instead of just waving to the people. that's another thing i am mad at. mrs. carter, have your own identity, beyonce, please, go home, get out of here. >> jonnah, wow. >> she is not putting a ring on that, greg. >> we have a minute and a half here. much a do about nothing? much a do about something? >> the obama group can do better and the only way to kill the em barring go is to do it. >> didn't they trip it like something you put on and then take off. the fact that castro doesn't like black people. >> it is true. they said this is a trip a lot of americans go on every year. i remember last time i wet to cuba and people mobbed me

asking me to sing "single ladies." >> who doesn't have a condor omelette? >> bill, are governments trying to get you to go to cuba for years and hopefully for good? >> i consider it a compliment. if anything they should just highlight the fact that this embargo against this country which has been going on for 50 plus years now is as effective as our war on drugs. let's do it the right way and get the pop culture on to the land and attack them. it is how we beat communism before. just don't hit on brad paisley. >> when i hit on him, i will know. >> we have to take break. don't think of leaving. "joy of hate" buy one now, buy 20 for your mother.

california lawmakers proposing extending last call at bars at 4:00 a.m. as a way to draw more tourists and have more revenue and jobs and of course vomit. mark leno says the move would make the golden state more competitive with places that serve booze 24 hours a day like new york, vegas and my astro van.

law enforcement says it will increase the chances of violence and drunk driving. john gnaw, a bad idea? >> it is a great idea. here is why. people are drunk at 2:00 and then they get kicked out. now if you are drunk at 2:00 and you can stay there on the dance floor until 4:00 without drinking your blood alcohol level will go down, and people will go home not legally drunk. fantastic idea. >> she is assuming that the people stop drinking even though the bar is open for two hours. that's crazy. >> i think it is a good idea. leave it up and the bars should be allowed to stay open as much as they want and smoke too. >> i love that, but it will never happen. >> it gives guys like you a chance for a final hookup. >> think of how much of an uglier person you can go home with. that way you and the drunken skank can go to breakfast.

>> that's awful. that is extra money. >> you are already in the denny's parking lot. >> trays true. that's true. will any of this make a difference? >> it won't make a difference. but between your vagary spawns and this i think you might have a problem. if you do, i am single. >> he is a single lady. nothing good happens as you know after 2:00 a.m. so what? nothing dwood happens anyway, at all. >> that's why you stay in the bar and get drunker. >> nothing happens good when you get up in the morning. it is like, oh god. >> that's why you start drinking in the morning when you wake up. >> keep it open. >> forever. until you die. we will close things out with a post game wrap up from andy levy. for more go to fox news.com/red eye.

back to andy levy for a post game wrap up. >> it is coming out in paperback anytime soon. >> it was counted on "the five." it was coming out at the end of the month. >> excellent. >> so if people want to con veer say the about it, where can they find it? >> at any local bookstore if the thing still exists. >> excellent. john, i understand you are nervous about something coming up on saturday? >> i have to shave people's heads for a children's cancer charity event. they ever done it before and i was told i could hurt something. i was hoping to practice on somebody. what are you doing after the show. >>- q. i joe, -- >> joe, upcoming gigs? >> i will be out next week starting on sunday night. >> very cool. >> back to you, greg. >> thank you, andy. well done. thanks for admitting that you