>> bob, will you be in times square, walking up and down? >> the massage parlor. >> the massage parlor. welcome to "red eye." it is like "wizzard of oz" if by wizzard you mean a gnome and by oz the men's room. andy levy, what is coming up on tonight's show? >> germany, france and other european nations are upset over revelations the nsa bugged their offices. some say this is hour rabble, but others say who cares? and the fox news poll shows the majority of people think the founding fathers would be unhappy with the way washington works these days. except for the metro that franklin said is cool. and the world would be better off without the internet causing the internet to say the world would be better

without washington post op-eds. >> i would like to thank you for smaining what the abbreviations meant. >> absolutely. >> we couldn't have figured that out on our own. >> i don't believe you could have. >> i think the guests could have, but maybe you couldn't have. >> you are saying our guests are stupid? >> no, i am saying you are stupid. >> let's welcome our guest. she is so british that earl gray t drinks her while sitting in her pajamas. imogen lloyd webber, her latest book is called "the twitter diaries" and if hilarity was a cabin on a rainy saturday i would spend all day inside of him. comedian keith albertat. in brazil he is considered a weight belt, bill schulz. and his hair boxed a kangaroo and then stole a motorcycle after robbing a brinks truck.

next to me, nick gillespie. stop touching the hair. the editor-in-chief of reason.com. >> a block. the lede. that's the first story. >> they are bugging because of our bugging. and crying because of our spying. some of our european allies are not too happy about the latest round of edward snowden's leaks disclosed as the nsa accessed -- excuse me, bugged their offices. the european unions said, quote, partners do not spy on each other. and jerl knee's government -- and germany's government huff and bugging friends is unacceptable. president obama says hang on a minute, sparky. those were his words. it was at a conference in tanzania. that is what intelligence

services do, he says. >> i guarantee you that in european capitals there are people who are interested in if not what i had for breakfast, at least what my talking points might be should i end up meeting with their leaders. that's how intelligence services operate. >> it is just preparation for meeting people. it is just like doing a little background research. snowden himself is still in moscow, wherever that is, with one russian news agency where they formally requested asylum and vladimir putin saying he wouldn't consider the request unless they stopped seeking america's secrets. you know who else is looking for an escape? >> i can't wait to see what you got. >> good luck to you. >> i didn't even know he was depressed. there are people who can help

you, little kitten. >> i made a phone call to the people there and he survived the fall and he is doing great. he is now actually working as a counselor for other de spawn dent kittens. de spawn daunt kittens. of course we will try 20* bug our friends' offices and they will bug ours. >> the idea of being super powerful is that you don't get caught doing it or don't get caught with your pants down. forget snowden and forget putin. if the u.s. cannot keep its secrets from its own employees employees -- we are awful at this, besides all of the facts disturbing on the government spying on us. they can't even spy on the people who are taking their secrets and giving them to other people. >> if anything we should be spying on our spies. >> you would think that would be the first thing. >> keith, where are you on

this? we haven't had you on the show. >> it has been awhile. >> on purpose. i find you miserable. >> good to see you, bill. >> i am just practicing my paul mccurio insultsment. >> what do you make of this? >> well, i read -- when "the guardian" said some were france, italy, japan, south korea, i didn't realize some were our allies. i can't keep up. the allegations and the story came from the newspaper dear spiegle. when a german newspaper is blasting your privacy and democracy standards, it is time for self-analysis. it is like getting parenting advice from the lohans. it is not something you want to put up with. >> there is a lot of tough love with the lohans. imogen, your folks invented james bond. by folks i mean the british.

>> my grandfather is one of the men it was based on. >> oh, at least are you not bragging. aren't europeans being dramatic account acting like you are -- acting like you are shocked this is going on? >> it is pretty normal as obama says for frenemies to spy on each other. it is unusual not to. the u.s. and the uk have one, but the u.s. and france do not. the reason germany is so sensitive is actually because of what went on in east germany and that's why they claim they are into their privacy. it is not really surprising and we should allow the germans -- >> under their own government. >> come on. east germany before the war fell it was a nightmare. >> there was a separate of germany. >> this is why in the current generations it is about freedom. >> it is mind boggling that the u.s. can't keep track of

people like snowden. what was he a minimum wage snooper for two or three weeks and then is able to walk out with everything he needs. >> and also, what about the idea that he actually took the job with the express purpose of doing that? >> and he told his interviewer, look, i am not planning on -- you are going to have to pay me benefits because i will only be here a couple weeks. >> just a little while and then i am taking off. bill, to help things run smoothly on "red eye" i have andy spy on you and you spy on andy. he enjoys it and you enjoy it and you have stuff on each other. >> the element of cloak and dagger before our meetings is amazing. it is fun for the whole office. has anyone thought maybe obama said this to make tan swraw knee feel better -- tanzania feel better? there are a lot of countries spying on a lot of countries. there are no bugs in. there if there is anything

listening it is with the cans with the string and the guy is writing it down as he is whispering. >> this is more racist than paula deen. >> i am just saying more countries spy more than others. >> you had to bring race into it, sir. >> he was complimenting tan swraw tanzania although i can't follow bill anymore. none is making sense to me. i made this comment on "the five" and nobody laughed. when nobody laughs on "the five" i reuse it to see if it works here. i said because snowden is an american, putin treats him like a dissident. if snowden was russia he would treat him like dessert. >> no? >> he turned him into one of the sushi things and you eat it while naked. >> you are right. a stupid joke. from a missing snow to a sad j-lo. she offered her voice in a country where they have none.

yep, on saturday night, an actual day of the week, nick, j-lo performed at the birthday celebration of the brutal dictator or gerber as i like to call him. his government is accused of arresting and torturing political dissidents. they rank him as, quote, among the most oppressive in the world on par with countries with north korea and vermont. j-lo who personally serenaded -- and i am sober. she later apologized saying she never would have attended if she had known the country's human rights record. the concert was sponsored by china national petroleum. it is true. a big investor in the gas industry and my pilla tease instructor. before she took the stage a

gym nays per -- gymnast performed. >> that is great on stage, but afterward when he went to the bar and the hotel it was unbelievable, imogen. she said it is basically their fault. >> here is the amazing thing. according to forbes she was like the top earning celebrity last year, $52 million. what, nobody can google and no red flags about the chinese petroleum?

actually, fundamentally, she is one of the celebrities that likes a big pay day. hillary swanke hung out with chechen terrorists. all of those people went and played for qaddafi. mariah carey played for qaddafi and usher played for qaddafi. she is just on the gravy train and she is just greedy. >> it is the same coming out, i just say. >> bill, unnecessary. it is monday. why do i even go to him anymore? >> keith, did you think maybe this guy was a good dictator and not a bad one? >> the human rights organizations are right on. i have been to turkministan, i did a one nighter there. low pay, but i got to sell cd's after the show. >> made a killing. >> i did. literally. she wentdied. there. unless she was drop offing boxes of san antonio spurs

championship t-shirts, but i don't know -- >> that's where they end up. >> bill is doing the joke explanation for you. that's where they end up. that's where professional athletes jerseys that don't win championships end up. >> no, i was still thinking about what happens on my pay day. >> there are people there who think the buffalo bills had a dynasty. nick is this really a bad thing? does president it help when western pop stars go -- >> this is like sun city. once they see the electrifing sexuality of j-lo. she is bringing down the system from within. it is bad enough j-lo's music is on the air in the west, but to pollute asian pacific it is a bad thing. i hope she takes a hit from this. it is stupid and offensive and it is i idiotic beyond be leave.

>> you are angry about this. are you more angry than this over the released of gili. >> i don't know. when you listen to the director's cut it does -- doesn't make sense. >> can i have one more comment? if you have seen j-lo from the waist down while on stage it is like she drank the grave retrain. >> terrible. she is quite the full figured lady. >> you have an entire country at your disposal and j-lo is like your first -- >> they like famous people for -- i know. they like to brag to their kids and their kids like to brag. bill, you had -- who did you have sing at your birthday? >> soupy sales. >> it was actually a soupy sales impersonator. >> it was a woman so it was horrible across the board. news weekly said she got $1.5

million from this. that's hard to say no to. not to be team j-lo you realize -- >> but if you have $52 million -- >> does she after taxes? you know that little boy toy of hers. >> why wouldn't somebody -- google is everywhere. it doesn't take long to google. >> maybe she is like, no, i am doing this. >> there are over 650 countries -- >> no there isn't. >> there are at least three of them. >> i like how you didn't think we would call you on that, did you? there are 650 countries. by the way, they could have googled -- well, you cannot google that guy's name and get it right. they probably googled his name and it was spelled incorrectly. >> i have turkish men named stan and there is a lot of them. i want them at my birthday

party. remember, one of the reasons we didn't catch snowden was because we didn't have his name spelled correctly. perhaps the long name -- it was a huge name that is what prevented this -- >> if somebody offered you $1.5 million nothing comes up because you spelled it wrong, wouldn't a red flag pop up? >> if you can't spell it the china petroleum corp would have been a red flag perhaps? >> i would take money from china. they take money from us. we take a lot of money from china. >> and in fairness they have a red flag. it is confusing. we are talking about j-lo and what about birthdays. every time they say it you have to pay the money. did they take the money? that's the question.

>> you know what the question is, if you could have anybody who would you want sing at your birthday? >> i was going to have j-lo, but the romance is off. >> what is your runner up? >> i will order last. >> how about you? >> this is a real stumper. >> have you ever thought about this? >> there are just so many options. >> david lee roth, ozzy osborne. >> i will go with keith richards. >> he is not a great singer, but it would be fun. >> it would be. i wouldn't understand a word he is saying. >> in hard castle and mccormick, what is the dude that played mccormick? >> i can't remember his name. >> i want rueben stein. >> i am thinking of a different comedy. >> mick jagger. look at it on youtube and 57 minutes in when he starts

singing "satisfaction" amazing. >> why? >> i want to say imogen. >> i can't sing. >> she likes the -- she has the hypnotic accent. >> she is not a gym. i'm a gym. >> what is the best way to beat the heat? nick gillespie discusses his new book. i wear a tank top and drink lots of fluids. would the world be better off without the internet? the internet says no. mind your own business, internet. all right, greg, sorry.

should the cabin crew be a size 2?

should too many pounds keep them on the ground? an indian airline is reportedly planning to hire only skinny female flight attendants. it is in order to cut down on the price of fuel. go air as it is called claims the policy will help them save $500,000 or a half million dollars annually. and they can rejoice as the company's all girl goal does not exend tend to the gender of the pilots who will remain male. what is that? thank god. amazing. they are looking at eve possible way of -- every possible way of cost-cutting. the program continues to lose money. >> all right come on.

>> that one ferret has got it together. what do you make of this? a fair idea or is this an attack on overweight women? it will put overweight women out of jobs. >> i thought it was quite ironic that to get the flight attendants to lose weight they will feed them nothing but indian food. >> i love indian food, but it is true. >> it clears the runway fast. >> altitude doesn't help either. >> you have to get used to it. i can't believe we are talk about -- talking about indian food. >> it is making me sick. >> if you are flying an airline you have bigger problems of whether or not the stewardesses are there or not. >> they have lots of great ideas. why does the airline industry seem to be terrible across the

board? >> you know, it is weird because we keep having more and more airplane flights, but it does seem like every airline loses money. i chalk it up to the magic of the market. it is how planes fly. it is magnets how do they work? >> we don't have to. >> they don't make money. that is what is great. capitalism is the mostal true wise stick thing in the world. everybody loses money and we get everything for free. >> the clown possey gave me a better idea. that would be amazing. >> are you going to have a weight problem. >> there will be no weight issue. >> i don't know if you will have a no weight issue because they will be up so much. they will get everything in there. imogen, are you skinny. i am thinking you are on the

go air side of things. >> this is an outrage. this is what they did to the pan am girls. >> you can't see the pilots. >> i like saw samoan. i like the policy of weighing the passengers. i know that may not go down well with passengers, so the revolutionary concept just charged for luggage. >> they are doing the flight attendants before they do the passengers so they don't look hipocritical. >> they are hipocrites because they will have fat pilots. they should have skinny, women pilots. >> wouldn't you want an excellent fat pilot than a skinny and not great pilot. >> you don't what a skinny girl trying to open the doors and rescue you. >> you don't like skinny people. >> they are talking about how

the water tanks can be filled to 60% capacity. they would like to fly on an airline that would make it to 60%. >> bill, how come you never consider work as a flight uh uh 10 tent. you are -- flight attendant. you are skinny and you are high a lot. >> i agree with mr. imus over here. why can't women be pilots. it is not like they have to parallel park up top. >> you just got served. >> dudes rule again. nice try, ladies. >> it is just an excuse to get better looking flight attendants. this is all a trick. >> from big airlines? >> big airlines. >> big airlines and big birthday in one show. >> i think it is time for a big break, what do you say? >> no big break 1234*. >> i want to keep talking. >> let's re-do the whole

segment of the -- the whole segment. >> what goes great with biscuits and marmalade? my fist. it is kind of blunt, actually. should exvegans pay a price 1234* sure, why not.

well, common sense prevail

or stuck in jail. i speak of a texas teen who has eight years in prison for a joke he made on-line video game. in february 19-year-old justin rt cayer -- justin carter playing league of legends. i read books. according to his father after another player called him crazy and messed up in the head, a compliment, the boy wrote back, quote, i am real messed up in the head. i am going shoot up a school full of kids and eat their still beating hearts. and the next two lines were lol. don't know what that means. and jk. meaning it was just a joke. a canadian woman who saw the post looked up carter's address and saw it was near an elementary school and called the cops. he was arrested a month later and charged with making terroristic threats and has been in jail ever since. this was back in 1972. no, i'm just kidding. discuss in the -- >> lhtning

rooooooouuuunnnnddd. lightning round. >> all right, nick. why did the local police dismiss this after they visited the kids' home. isn't this bizarre? >> the kid is obviously guilty of something. i just want to get that out there. he will crack soon enough. this is one more reason why nafta was a big mistake and not because of mexico, but because of canada. what are they doing trolling the facebook pages? >> now they will call and have you arrested. it is your show. it is "red eye" with greg gutfeld. >> i do not endorse what he is saying. >> it is a travisty of justice. >> shouldn't we be arresting half of the commenters on the internet? >> they use a sarcasm defense

to use. it des doesn't mean anything. >> that would have been a different thing. >> kids today talk about how awesome their video games are and how much better they are than the ones we had. i never got in trouble for bragging about taking a wooden mallet and throwing barrels at me and dressing up like a frog in traffic. that never got me in trouble. >> times have changedment the family started a petition to get the terroristic threat laws changed. do you think it will work? it is like everybody forgot about this kid including us. we didn't even know. >> i don't know. this is three months within sandy hook. if this happened in new york in a blue state i would have thought well maybe the kid is completely innocent. the texas authorities took it seriously.

maybe something is going on with this kid. it is very much in a red state. >> i want to point out the missed punctuation. he said there are still comma beating hearts instead of just beating hearts. >> i knew that was going to bother you. >> i saw that too. >> i just know this is an injustice and i am sorry i wrote that crap about you on youtube, but at least you are not in jail. >> what did you write, exactly? >> you were involved in a series of grizzly crimes. >> as long as you suggest it. and i encourage everyone that we are having fun with this, but i encourage you to spay and newter your pets. you should not have them reproducing the livelong day. let the rancher does it. i >> i can't believe there is a kid in jail for making a joke. >> we will forget about this. >> that's the sad thing.

we have short attention spans. >> what were we talking about? >> j-lo is in jail? >> it is already monday and i am getting mad at my guests. they will gish on what you -- dish on what you eat. a new on-line directory seeks to shame former vegans. the vegan sellout list is 100% user submitted and according to the site, quote, it is our answer to the epidemic. it is an epidemic of vegan sellouts. they are suffloked by meat, dairy, egg, fur and leather production, yet choose to look away while the animals suffer. why are sensitive do gooders such a-holes? >> they can hookup with go air. two problems solved. >> enough with failed vegans.

how about those who are going to become vegans? we can do this now. >> how would you do that? >> i have no idea. do i look liked ward snowden? >> you could. you are edward snowden with better hair. keith you eat nothing but chards of metal. does this interest you at all? >> i have said for years i don't know how vegans operate. i don't know what they eat like shadows and dirt. >> that's a great diet. >> moon beams and self-righteous raps. i don't know how it works. but i went to this website and it was infuriating. these are bullies. they are bullies and calling people out by name and talking -- here is one i noticed. one of the sellouts they list, and i won't say her name, but they say now she parades around town in her yoga pants eating entire packages of bacon on every street corner

as if a middle finger to people everywhere. we just walk around and stop on the street corner. >> i kill a pig and i sit and eat it. >> i am from tennessee and that is accurate. this woman is from washington state and i have to say it is not accurate. >> you kick a toy dog. we hate animals. >> other than impeach owe obama do you have a problem with this? >> i am not jedediah. vegans are kinder to animals than they are to people. they are scary and that's because they are hungry. there are a million v gee an -- vegans in america and run away from them. they are frightening. >> bill, you don't eat anything. when you see somebody eating anything do you get angry? >> i get angry, but it tends to be a fake for me.

what is the end game here? will they get hate mail and say i should go back to this? they are happy they are no longer an ashy gray. their hair is growing back. this is the icing on the cake on them not being vegans anymore. >> if you think about the ideology behind veganism, if you think eating animals is wrong it is disgusting. it makes sense if you are becoming repulsed by -- it is along ideology that takes over your life. if you say like i can't wear animal skin, then you are a monster. >> you can't even wear human skin. >> i'm sure that damaged your life. no wonder you only wear black. time to take a break. g gutfeld.com. it was the greatest book.

it was the greatest book ever written in the last, i don't know, year or soment -- year or so. i wouldn't go back that far.

would no net mean no fret? a washington post columnist, is there any other kind, has argued the world would be better off without the internet. robert samuel sen writes the countless benefits of the web don't outweigh the cyber war. quote, by cyber warfare the capacity of groups whether nations or not to attack, disrupt and possibly destroy the institutions and networks that under pin everyday life. so much depends on the internet and the red wheel bear row. that is -- i don't know why i felt like say thasmght that is -- that is vulnerability to

sabotage doomsday visions of the break down of order and trust. true, but without the internet we will never know about this. oh my goodness. i can't believe i was able to pull out of my brain. so much depends on the wheel bear row. >> blazed in rainwater near the yellow chicken. i don't know anymore. >> i thought that was beautiful. >> and now carlos williams is getting attacked by vegans. >> nobody gets attacked by vegans. >> when cars were invented

they knew they would drive. >> i am nostalgic for a time when land lines are not something in the museum. they met up with somebody and they didn't spend time on the mobile and eke whiching the internet or checking their e-mail or saying they were meeting you and not concentrating on you. bring back pen and paper. >> i am a big fan. >> i am a big fan of pen and paper. i have to be honest. i skimmed this column and i read the phrase "its virtues are overstated and the advice is understated and i thought it was again about bacon. >> you can write on bacon. >> there are a lot of problems with the internet. there is no question about it. with that being said, go visit my website. >> i like how you don't give out the name of your website.

>> you don't have the web. >> i can't see my toes because i am wearing shoes right now. she has a column to fill and if anyone benefits more from the internet it is the journalists. if you don't believe me you don't know what microfiche is because it was a gd nightmare when we had to do that. information and speed will trump anything else. that stupid internet has made that woman's life -- >> what woman are you talking about? >> the woman named -- >> i don't see gender. or that column apparently. >> clearly you don't see gender. >> cyber warfare is the most overhyped threat since the final revolution. there is no problem. the cyber warfare is not going to happen and if you go back to the good old pen and paper

and the last time i checked it is the good old-fashioned way. >> do you have a video of your animal doing something keen? groovy, cool? go to fox news.com/red eye and click on submit a video. we might use it. coming up, the post game report with andy levy. jerk and a half. >> the half time report is brought to you by scorpions. thanks, scorpions.

bill, everybody is, back to andy levy for the post game report. >> european countries are butt hurt we spied on them. nick, you said the idea of being super powerful is you don't get caught bugging. that is the crime. the crime is not that we bugged our friends, but that they found out. >> i think it is a crime to spy on your allies. but more importantly it goes to the point as to why we shouldn't let the government spy because they are

incompetent. >> to be fair we didn't get caught by the people we were spying on. >> we got caught by the person we were paid to do the spying. >> andy -- >> who does president believe dirk spiegle. >> chicago 60609. >> why wouldn't i believe the spiegle. >> if nick says the governments cannot spy who spies? do we have private organizations do it for us? >> sure. >> i am for that then. >> what are you a narco capitalist nut job? >> he thinks it should be spying that is privatized. >> it already is. >> the nsa was contracting out. >> you don't have an answer for this. >> no, i do. what i am saying is the government stinks at spying

and we know that because they couldn't even keep their secret. >> hang on a second. maybe you think they stink at spying because it is all a laid out elaborate plan like when the coach leaves his playbook on the field. >> that was the plot point in the brady bunch. >> the fake playbook was stolen. >> they are getting us to look over here. >> go ahead. >> you said your grandfather was one of the men who the movie james bond was based on. do you know who 007 was? >> it was any mall go mages of men who worked in the 30 assault unit -- >> no, i mean the original 007. >> it was john d, advisor to queen elizabeth the first. >> there you go.

>> he would sign his letters with two circles that represented his eyes because those were his eyes and then the number 7 because he was a mystic. >> there you go, andy. we learn something every day. >> you know what is funny, andy? >> what is that. >> the fact that imogen used is what a british guy would use in america. i don't have a place to stay and i am broke. >> i completely agree. >> it is amazing. >> do you like me accent? >> i even went to fox and friends and had a photo and effing. >> guys would not be impressed with that, but girls would be. >> guys are impressed by that. i think they are. >> it would be cooler if your dad was gold finger. >> imogen, guys would not care about this fact coming from you. they would still like you

without the fact. >> the character was based on my dad. >> and more don't care. you said you have been to turkministan. i don't believe you. >> you lied. >> the character dr. know was based on my prom date. >> i see this joke never ending. >> what if we end it now? >> i can't think of a bond villain so you win. >> nick, you seem pretty angry about this whole thing. let me add another level on top of it. a source tells e! news -- i can't believe i just said that, but i did. it is unlikely j-lo will donate her fee to controversy as they believe it will be quickly forgotten. i think they are right. >> good for her. >> paula abdul is so glad she didn't pick up the phone that night.

>> when you are listening to it, do you feel really, really warm and you are really happy and you want to love everybody? >> i didn't hear what you said. i really didn't. >> you didn't? it is not worth it. it is not worth repeating. >> bill, regarding singing happy birthday, i am going to guess that they don't pay a lot of copy write fees. >> i think you should write a strongly worded letter. >> by the way, at the very least , a google search would have shown that the china petroleum association was involved which may have been the clue to look a little deeper. >> what are you saying about iran? >> they are a rogue state. and the reason the chinese petroleum corporation is in bed with them is because all of the western companies pulled out because of the captions. because of the sanctions. >> you both talked about indian food not loving your stomach.

i am thinking that if you are indian and you are descended from people that eat a lot of indian food and you yourself eat indian food, that's not an issue for you. >> i think you are right. >> i don't agree with that. >> imogen, you said this is an outrage and you said this is what pan am did in the mad man era. please don't say mad man era. >> sorry. i apologize for nothing. >> you can just say the 50s and 60s. it is an over rated tv show. >> i thought pan am was an under rated tv show. >> i meant mad men. >> i am talking about pan am. >> and it would be like referring to the 1850's and 1860s as the gun smoke era. >> although that was a good show at least. >> a great show. >> keith, you said justin carter is using the car -- the sarcasm defense. of course it does. how could it not?

how does that the not make it clear that he was not making a threat? >> that close to sandy hook? >> it was months after sandy hook. >> you can't yell fire in a movie theater. >> but there is no law against making a joke. there is no comedy. >> i think he certainly should have been looked at after making a comment like that. if something were to happen at the school, then there would have been -- somebody would have said why didn't we see this come ?g. >> absolutely okay to look at it, but clearly he was making a joke. >> you are agreeing to agree. i think they are looking for fights. >> red river. >> this is like them saying you can't make jokes about terrorism in an airport. >> guess what. you can. it is not illegal. >> and nick just swore.

>> thank you, andy. imogen, schulz, keith, nick. that does it for me. i'm greg gutfeld. editors kept that swear word nick just said. how dare you? -- same place.

right now o'reilly is back and is he live and coming at you. >> bill: the o'reilly factor is on. tonight: >> i tried to stand up and that's when he grabbed me by the head and slammed my head down. put his hand on my nose and other hand on my mouth and [bleep] >> bill: the jury in the trayvon martin case hears the defendant george zimmerman tell police he was defending himself from harm. do you believe that? we will have the latest from the courtroom. also, bernie goldberg will analyze press coverage from the trial. >> there is no stopping the publishing process at this stage. great care has been taken to make sure that mr. snowden can't be pressured by any state to stop the publication process. >> bill: the united states telling russia and ecuador it better not harbor edward