welcome to "red eye." it's like "wheel of fortune" except we don't crush people's dreams and laugh about it. there will be no pre-game report. let's go ahead and welcome our guests. she use a flame thrower as a toothbrush. not sure what that means. she's host of big morning buzz live. she can wave on vh1. a new season. keep doing that. premiers september 30th. let's forget the rest of the show. filling in for tv's andy levy. he's not related to the famous

gymna gymnast. having seem him perform privately, he's every bit as flexible as that young woman. a little thumbs up there. his parents prayed he would have been kidnapped. it's my repulsive side kick. sitting right next to me, writer, comedian and barely shaved jesse joyce. >> a block. the ledge. >> finally, he's being nice to me. will they seek the the immortal. google, announced it's launching a new venture that will look at ways to slow or reverse the aging process. the company aims to extend life

for ever. don't hold your breath for the end of death. google ceo larry page tells time magazine which still exists, it could be a couple of decades before their efforts start paying offer. experts say if they are successful, immortality will only be available to a few. the 1%, the rich. there will be a separation of humans between rich immortal gods, the 1%, and the rest of us poor mortals. let's check in with someone that learned that death is inevitable. ♪ he's suppressed. that's what happens when you find out your mortal and don't believe in a higher being.

>> he looked happy to me. >> as someone who is trying to stay young who is dressing like an extra in 21 jump street. >> sure do. i can continue to dress this way. i'm going to do this well into my 60s. you have no idea how old i am. >> i happen to google the term slow the aging process and the number one hit was drink pomegrante juice. they come from india. i don't know if you've seen old indian people, but it does not look like they decoded any secret to stay young looking. >> we don't know how old they are. >> will you people stop being inflammatory. we just got a miss usa indian. >> which the temple of doom. that witch doctor looks like a

sun dried crocodile. >> finally, did you ever google google, you asked the secret of immortality. it's a picture of jesse's face being stepped on by a large indian man. you're 74 years old but you stay young by drinking the tears of orphans, starving orphans appare apparently. >> virgin orphans. >> we hope they are. >> what do you think of the findings? >> do we think they want a crap about our living. they only want our views. >> if you live forever you can keep viewing. >> it's not about us looking pretty. it's about us clicking. >> she's totally right. this is the narcissism of the multi-millionaire ceos of goo e

google. >> don't agree with me again. >> i disagree with everything they said. they think they are god. >> they are god now. >> they kind of are god as the other god is dead. >> thank you for that. >> they're already putting all of their money into -- they're trying to live forever. they could care less about us. it's not the 1%. it's those two. >> the funny thing about bill is you discovered immortality, being so disgusting death looks at you and says no thanks. >> even death now. obama hates me. polls. this is somebody that works at google and decided to put that into the press and send that out. there's the 1% in the sky. >> shut up. thank you. i thought andy was going to pass

out. >> that's what it is. >> no, it's not. >> here is my problem with this. this is going to happen. it may not happen in the next 100 years, 200 years. because it will happen all the dead are being cheated. it's discrimination against the dead via progress. it's not fair to the people that have already livered. >> right. we should do no medical research because if we cure diseases it's not fair to the people who didn't have the cure. the ceo of calico doesn't work at google. he's the chairman of apple. the real agenda is to bring back steve jobs. apple is hurting. that's what's going on. >> that makes more sense. >> i too did some digging. all the company will be doing is hiring people to look really closely at google maps to try to

find the fountain of youth. >> somewhere in tallahassee. >> i want that job. >> andy listened to your question and answered that and went ahead with his talking point. i haven't heard a [ bleep ] word you said in three years. >> i don't know why. maybe you should get your ears clean. >> did you really just write that down? one f bomb. >> it's a drinking game aplomon the "red eye" viewers. >> i love this. there's people out there thinking about weird stuff like this instead of going we have to make a faster cell phone. >> can we take a sthhot of kerr and bill. i was watching the view this morning. it's like she's the better version of generalmy mccarthy and he's a better version of

barbara walters. fear of death is massive. we will take anything. this is important. it's not like they will take your body bag. it's about your consciousness. your body is not going to be part of the immortality. it's going to be your conscious, your brain will be floating. you will be living the life of a search engine within google. >> you'll be in the cloud. >> you can't use porn because you have nothing to use it with. the fact that it just speaks to how much we love life an hate death that we would be happy to be eye babbballs and a pillow. >> i think we will use porn. >> why the you have to say that? i say something amazing and you

focus on the porn thing. >> it wasn't amazing. >> the people that want to stay alive are the narcissists. the people that run google and you. >> we welcome your death. >> people like yourself can't imagine a world they don't live in. they can't imagine being hoold d dying. >> i imagine all of that. >> we're going to figure out ways of getting high when we have no body. that's so yes. >> then you'll have the dead occupying cemeteries like occupy wall street. they'll be protesting. instead of being contrite, they want to put up a fight. several parents are considering a lawsuit against bryan hollaway after they trashed his louse.

they broke windows and urinated on carpets and caused 20 grand in damages. the former new england patriot created a website naming many of them including pictures they posted on social media from the party. he says that instead of making amends some parents threatened legal action over the site. >> all the things that were broken could be fixed. everything could be returned. there's 300 lives at stake. i have parents upset at me. your child was in my housebreaking and destroy stuff and you'll get plamad at me. >> glad he wore his possessions. he said he's still cleaning. take a look. nothing i like more than a duck being vacuumed. jesse you show up at high school house parties with a case full

of zima hoping a 16-year-old girl might talk to you. >> that's where we met. >> what do you make of these parents? >> i knew that was coming. i'm inviting the teens that i manage to the forest this weekend to tear up the toadstool that you live under. i hate teenagers a lot. >> you dress like one. >> i know. i think it's awesome that he published the names on his website. he set up a fund so he could raise money to fix his house. then here is where he messed up. he put his florida address on the website for where you should send money. why would you -- did you learn nothing. you just published here is my other house. i'm in new york repairing this

one so i'm not at the other one. i'm on "the view" right now so i'm not going to be home for a few days. >> are the parents idiots, stupid heads? >> they're stupid heads. these are the parents that give trophies to the kids that come in last place. why are these parents doing any of this. their kids [ bleep ] up. sorry. they destroyed some guy's house and they're being nice about it. >> you know what it is. because they are worried that little more and mrs. precious won't get into their favorite college. >> maybe they shouldn't have posted it on their facebook page. >> you think they are the kind of kids who piss on a carpet in

rochester. >> i'm from buffalo. watch it. >> i knew she was from buffalo. check out those wings. >> how would you punish them if they went wild at a hobby store. >> i say good for these parents. how dare this guy repost the names and pictures of these kid who is are guilty of nothing more than trespassing, destruction of property, underage drinking and bragging about it online. shame on you. you keep up the good fight. parents of the kids who trespasss you are teaching us a lot in genetics which is the stupid gene can be passed along. >> no one can trash your home because fill in the blank. >> i'm a nice guy.

>> homeless. >> i'm fun. s >> there's a lot of things he should have done. he said how his friend had gotten in contact and said dad, look at twitter now. there are all these people partying. he's doing this play by play. i was like this is terrible. at no point was it discussed to call the cops. none of the kids got taken away. at no point did anyone call someone. all of a sudden he forgot he doesn't play for the patriots anymore. i'm concerned. >> way to make fun of the victim? don't answer the question. >> i am the victim. >> from partying to profanity. should teens say boo to chants that are blue? major league soccer has a problem and it's not that the sports suck and super boring all

though both are true. fans are yelling in unison. you see them in store fronts. the chant was copied from similar ones and rhymes with you suck a hole. >> you suck [ bleep ]. >> i guess it was worth showing. they're eager to end the obsc e obscenity because its broadcast deals are up from year. they asked fans to refrain or play a more interesting sport like badminton. what's more exciting than soccer and higher scoring. this. >> going for a new record. one.

two. three. four. five. personal best. six. sev seven. >> obviously we don't have tape of the hours upon hours of training that went into that for that poor animal. >> i bet i could do that. >> prizes for dogs. can't stop talking right now. andy. aren't vulgar chants protected by the constitution and is this further proof that soccer is un-american and should be abolished in the united states? >> yes to all of that. i can assure you i'll be chanting obscene things too but they will be directed toward the people who made me go to the soccer game. >> soccer is fun to play. it's fun to play. >> it's not. >> it's not fun to watch.

>> make the nets bigger. it's boring. >> was he talking about the players? >> no the nets. >> children attend these games. yelling obscenities could be a problem or is it the funnest part. >> i think it's the funnest part. i think cursing and sports go together like cursing and sports. you can't really take the two away from each other. >> that is true. >> i mean i don't really watch soccer. i don't really watch wrestling a whole lot but if the wrestling fans haven't getting there vulgar then are they doing? >> trying to kill some time. >> is that what they're doing? they're just bored. >> your court ordered community service forced you to coach a soccer team and after they won you would hand out cigarettes to players to pick up their younger

sisters. i was kind of disgusted about that. >> they brought the best oranges. the problem is on paper this seems offensive but i looked into this particular clip and i turns out that posing goalie actually is a [ bleep ]. >> and he really does suck. >> where ever you go in life -- >> this is going to be positive. >> people chants the same thing. they same you suck and please die. >> people that don't even know me. stop with this. all should count their blessings. look at what we're yelling. look at the brothers across the pond and tell them at least our chants are racist. they go away from f bombs and

say the n bombs constantly. >> you mean nice guy? >> yes. >> when they say it those accents it's offensive. >> i like it when you said the '20s because the '30s and '40s were so calm. what are perks of working in the business? first, should people be buried with their pets? no, next question.

do men not mind in their looks decline? a new survey says guys give up their appearance at age 46. women hold out much longer making an effort until age 59. why? why do dudes stop caring? men want to eat and drink whatever they want. they prefer comfort over style and don't want to spend the time necessary to look good meaning they got married. some men haven't given up and never will. ♪ that fat guy in speedo's retreat. >> that was one of your better parties. >> it was. >> i'm certain that came off your hard drive.

>> you know it did. jesse, since you're already talking. will you stop caring about looking like a rad dude who just got back smoking a doobie. i will probably do that when you stop dressing like a guidance counselor. >> i will not do that because i'm here to help people. >> george clooney came out and says he gets scotox. >> yeah, but i think he just came out. >> how dare you say that about clooney. >> it's a beautiful day out. >> he loves gay. >> he's 52. he obviously still cares. >> he's a homo-ner in italy. he's been for a long time and you need to check out his play.

>> does that count about caring for your appearance? >> he's gay. you're not playing it right. >> why not? >> it's supposed to be like you're supposed to drop off the second half of the word. >> it was a delayed one but i saved you. >> we'll edit it together later. >> andy, you gave up on looking good a long time ago because you have no one to impress about your cat who doesn't care how you look. they just want to be fed by you and live. >> wouldn't they want to be fed by someone who looks good. >> in seven years when i turn 46, i'm sure i'll stop caring. you start losing your hair. unless your one of the few lucky white guys to look good bald, there's no point.

you're more tired when you're older. you have aches and pains. from a fashion perspective when you get older you don't need to feel as cool as much as you used to. that one is not a problem for me because i've never felt the need to be cool. >> that brace you wear on your arm. >> absolutely. you'd be surprised. you would be surprised. >> bill, you gave up caring how you look as soon as you discovered booze and drugs, so this story doesn't apply to you. >> the drugs haven't affected my powers of observation. if only way to get it up is for the early bird special at deny's. there's the guy that buys bucket load of viagra. they have the hair plugs and the botox. they have stuff that helps them work down here, they still care

about what's going on over here and they still end up looks like seigfried or roy. >> you just stop caring. >> if you come across probably a plot point from "american beauty" but when you see a married man who has kid who is is obsessed with his looks is cheating. >> i think that's the wrong plot point you picked up. i think it turned out he was gay. >> was he? i don't remember that. >> you're thinking of the actor. i'm sorry. he had an academy award for his performance. >> i think you're onto something. >> i thought for a second you thought of might not understand what i was doing. >> nobody. >> they said two-thirds of the people think it's normal to give

up caring about your appearance once your married or has a serious partner. >> doesn't that cause you to cheat then more if everybody just stops caring and you have one person. >> you can't cheat more because you look like crap too. >> you make a deal that you're both going to decline. >> then you have to stay together. >> i'm kidding america. >> this is the saddest conversation. >> also the most accurate. >> the next segment when we talk about pets and deaths and then cats and then parasites. we'll do claws and this is a great tease. jon gosling is back. how should you get ready for fall in jesse joyce is selling his new book. is the war between cats and mice finally over? the story the media doesn't want you to hear. dad. how did you get here?

i don't know. [ speaking in russian ] look, look, look... you probably want to get away as much as we do. with priceline express deals, you can get a fabulous hotel without bidding. think of the rubles you'll save. with one touch, fun in the sun. i like fun. well, that went exactly i as planned.. really?

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to be buried next to his dogs. people get a sense of comfort from knowing they can lie for eternity with their pe loved pet and could be loved and protected in the afterlife just as faithly as when they were alive. lightning round. >> jesse you want to be buried with that snake around your neck. >> i graduated to a ferret, first of all. they arecuddlier. the person that wants to be buried with his or her pet won't be found for weeks.

>> that leads me to andy. do you worry your cat will outlive you. you'll be on the floor struggling. >> the state shouldn't regulate it. as long as health codes are being followed let them be buried next to whoever they want. >> i can be buried on sixth avenue? >> no. i said if health codes are followed. >> can i be buried on my front lawn? >> fine with me. i'll help. >> what are your thoughts on this? keep it clean. >> this i have nothing to say. once i'm gone, i'm gone. it doesn't matter. i don't know why there's a law that says you can't be buried somewhere. it's stupid. however, if i die, i hope to go to kitty heaven, want to come? >> sure. >> kitty heaven sounds like a bar in dallas.

>> it's pretty awesome. >> we have to go to kitty heaven. they've got these private rooms. >> i know a guy who can sell you beer from his truck. >> kitty heaven is good bye kitty instead of hello kitty because they're dead. >> americans at home can vote by throwing something at their television. you most likely die in a drainage ditch in far off queens. are you jealous these dead animals are being cared for by their loved ones. >> no. they will decompose and go back into the earth. >> he started early with the decomposition. >> he's talking about how much i smell.

>> bill fingernails still keep growing. >> coming up. >> can you say this in a new hampshire accent? >> the only problem i see here is -- >> from pet cemetery. >> the thing that drives me nuts is there are people when they are passed away their their pets euthanized. scientists say parasite makes mice no longer afraid of cats. it can only are reproduce within the feline dput. it's figured out way to get out there by infecting mice and making them fearless of cats.

it first effects the jerries of the world and make them lose their fear of cat urine and top pops by to make an easy meal of the clueless rodent. what's the story about the giant -- >> the thing. the troy. trojan horse. >> in fair everything is giants to you. >> the giant fire hydrant, greg. >> snow white an the seven dwarves. >> who's afraid of those enormous smurfs. >> all right i'm small. the cats must be terrified. the cat is a trojan horse. >> as the only person with a background on this panel, it

takes away fear of cats and rodents. what they found out is the lack of fear remains even after the traces are gone m may have rewired the braen. that's interesting to people who are listening. >> a lot of cat goners will take this parasite and they no longer are bothered by the swell of the cat urine. >> i've been using it as moisturizers. how can we use the cat an mouse metaphor. as a writer i'm distraught. >> i view that show entirely differently. >> it was a documentary. >> knowing jerry was suffering

from a terrible disease. it feels like when i was watching the brady bunch before i know he had aids. >> how are you able to stuck an aids joke. two somehows from my childhood. >> it was a rhetorical question. >> i can't remember who i have or haven't been to. >> we're giving him beer muscles. >> yes. >> what's the point. >> are they going to give it to us so we don't have a fear. they're working up the chain of animals. the cat eats the peace and bill eats the cat and then we all die.

i saw his face. >> coyotes eat cats. >> a lot of people have this parasite in them. >> i'm a little worried about this. what does it do to us? >> mostly harmless in adults. the other question. >> do i have a question for phil or do i have to move on? sg do you worried that your story about sewar suits. sg >> it's about science.

a parasite would know to get inside a mouse so a cot would get it. i'm not that clever. i'm thinking about other things about what i'm going eat. >> it's evolution. >> i like how he sneak in there. >> it's true. i have tried to sneak into a mouse. time to take a break. the joy of hate. autograph.com. you have to buy this book.

a california man, is there any other kind, has won over 6,000 stuffed animals from the popular claw vendsing machine since 1997. stan bent says he's been fascinated with the game for his job. i like the challenge. makes sense to me. he gives away most of the triezs and claims his secret is to look for the other prize that's lost others in place. after that it helps to squeeze the law. >> can you read that slower? >> he removes hi pants and robbed the place.

>> best first date ever. it's the same thing. you get like 57 stuffies. it's like what am i supposed to do with all this. >> you go and call your friends. he's a little strange but he went to the club and it was the most amazing thing. he cleared out the whole thing. i slept with him. the next day we go somewhere else. i'm going who did i sleep with. >> you can be a rock star for 24 hours. >> it's like 662 billion prides per year. >> what? >> who sleeps with a person for a second time? what kind of american is that? you said california man, is

there any other kind. i looked up the powulation in the world. okay. >> thank you for that. i was going to ask you what it's like being a veteran employee but i think you spoke to me. let's go to andy. wouldn't it be easier to say i'm not going to do it anymore or is this a disciplined man. >> what if he called himself claw master and one of the those giant excater cranes and went around grabbing people. this guy is, thank god for him. that's a waclose.

it will be something else. bill you lived inside a claw man pu no one ever tried to win you because you're disgusting, sad and sick. >> i ended up growing atus tommed to my surrounding. you don't have to use the giant law machine for bad. this guy has used all of his talent to spend hours and hours at a machine pulling out stuffed animals that were made 20 years ago and are now covered in hepatitis. >> how dare you be smir ch him. >> he's giving these animals, now they're more machine an man. >> you're a sick, sad, horrible person. i clus. this man is an american hee owe.

we have to take a break. do you have a video of your animal doing something interesting. go to web web slash red eye. maybe we don't know anymore. our final story, we'll discuss it straight ahead. with the spark cash card from capital one... boris earns unlimited rewards for his small business. can i get the smith contract, ease? thank you. that's three new paper shredders. [ boris ] put 'em on my spark card. [ garth ] boris' small business earns 2% cash back on every pchase every day. great businesses deserve unlimited rewards. read back the chicken's testimony, please. "buk, buk, bukka!" [ male announcer ] get the spark business card from capital one and earn unlimited rewards. choose 2% cash back or double miles on every purchase every day. told you i'd get half. what's in your walle

a brand new red eye returns monday at 3 a.m. eastern time and midnight pacific. we have harrgreat guests. do you ever wonder what happened to the guy in the show on that channel sometime back in me neither? he was probably terrible. time for a new segment i am calling -- >> we don't care where they are now. >> tonight's subject is john gosselin. this week the former store of john and kate plus 8 told entertainment tonight he is living in a cabin in the woods and waiting tables at a local

restaurant this after losing his money in an expensive divorce in 2009. still, however, he seems okay with it all. >> he said you hit rock bottom. have you? >> i have hit rock bottom like 20 times and i bounce back and go somewhere else. >> how hard is it for you to find work? >> next to nearly impossible to find work. >> i have hit rock bottom, too, but it is a club in chelsea. >> you dated gosselin briefly. thoughts, feelings, regrets? >> i think after you completely humiliated yourself on a national level, there is no place else to go but in the woods. >> in the woods. >> i feel like paula deen may need to take a mote. >> in the woods is not a bad things. it is probably a great place to be after you have, you know, been a jerk, you learn things about yourself, jesse. eight children, you and gosselin have a lot in common. you both dress awful and have a terrible job. >> that's right. i am really looking forward to

monday's show where it will be featuring rich little and greg little littlest. >> now you will see what it is like to be a side kick. >> greg littler would have been funnier. >> that would have been funnier. >> bickering like language couples. >> thick and thicker. >> the gosselin story sounds like an insane nursery rhyme. >> gather around and i will tell you about a man that lives in the woods and has calamari. >> he should have another reality show where he lives in the woods and waits tables. >> you guys are acting like what he is doing now is worse than being on a reality show. i don't get that. he is making an honest living waiting tables. nothing wrong with that. >> what he did is let reality

television blow his marriage and family. that's what was wrong. >> what he is doing now is good. instead of being on a reality show he is in the real world but not the reality show the real world. >> like ray liotta at the end of "goodfellas." i was going to ask you about living inside a claw machine. >> that was the other story. >> yes. the only person mor you. >> i guess that's good. positive end to a positive show. i did think it was funny that atlantic wire, the headline was john gosselin's new humble life. humble, you have a lot and you aren't show it. he is forced to be where he is at. nothing humble it. he is just screwed. >> what an upbeat way to end a show. >> he is not invited a tv crew to watch him wait tables. >> they were looking for it. just wait. >> we have to go. >> go.

>> all right. that does it for me. i am over here camera guy. what are you doing? what do we pay you for? what do we pay you for? seriously.

announcer: get caught buzzed driving, and you could do some hard time. woman: craig. knock it off! sorry, mom. announcer: it could cost you around $10,000 in fines, legal fees, and increased insurance rates, and that could set you back a few years. buzzed, busted, and broke because buzzed driving is drunk driving.

starts in three seconds. >> tonight on huckabee, >> the american people don't want the government to shut down and don't want obama care. >> house republicans push to te fund obama care. the exchange program hires novis navigators. do you want them handling your private information on the internet. >> it is people in the house throwing a party. nthrow hundred teenagers trashed his house. he might get sued now. brian holloway gives a look in the damaged home. >> plus.