>> greta: all right, mike. i appreciate the call and we'll talk soon. we have another secret caller tomorrow night. plus, former defense a second donald rumsfeld and senator rand paul, is he going to go "on the recor well, well, well. don't adjust your television. a black guy has taken over "red eye." welcome to black guy. let's welcome our guests. i am here tonight with an old neighbor and a confidant, jedediah bila. and i am here with my roommate , tv's andy levy. give it up for andy levy. no clapping. and my spiritual leader, bill schulz. and standing next to me tom shillue.

thomas? >> there is no applause. >> i have applause in my head. >> his cd is called "impossible." he signed none of them. >> a block. the lede. that's the first story. >> guess not. >> should every teen get screened? a northern new jersey district is considering a proposal to conduct random drug tests on students who participate in extra curricular activities. supporters point to the rising use of drugs among high school students in the area, especially heroin and opiates. i think opi is a full name on "the andy griffith show." the school board president notes heroin is cheaper than a six pack of beer now. bill, let's make a note. not all parents are convinced with one mom saying, quote, we are talking about the school involving themselves in

behaviors of students outside the school which is not their province. mind your business. i cite the juarez example. do you know what that is? think about a 5* regular, boring wore res is like. juarez is like. and now think of what he is like stoned. >> that was a regular walrus with music. >> you put the funk emu sick -- the funky music in there. i am high right now. i am baked. will this deter kids using drugs at a young age? gill i think there are athletes -- >> i think there are athletes who have parental consent and

they will know what is going on. i don't have an issue with it and it could potentially work. >> you want to get rid of drugs. >> no, you don't. on this issue i am a civil libertarian. first of all, the extra kir -- the extra caw rick lar activities are the ones who don't do the drugs. why don't they let the parents do the drug testing or as they call it in my home, parenting. >> you drug test your kids? >> i drug test by being a good parent and knowing they are not a couple of idiots. >> they will be in the commercial where they say we learn from watching you. andy, what do you think? are you a libertarian. what is your side on this? >> i agree with -- nobody. i agree with jedediah. you need parental consent, but i don't like how this works.

the board member supports the testing. she says 90% of students at the school have tried marijuana. opponents say that is an exaggeration. they say i got my stats from a police detective. the detective says the numbers were an neck dough tall and probably inflated. even if it is 40% it is too high. we have gone from 90% to 40%, but it doesn't matter. but it does matter. you are using bad stats to get what you want and you shouldn't do that. >> what is interesting is they are saying they won't suspend or arrest the kids. it is just they won't be able to play in those activities. i don't know what the point is if there won't be a serious consequence. playing football is not enough of a consequence if you find out if the kid is doing hard drugs. >> what if you are on the chess team? will they throw you to the chess people because you are baked? >> you will not be on the chess team if you are baked. maybe the checkers team.

>> the drugies in my school -- well this was the 80s. >> you called them drug -- drug gees too. >> we called them burn nows. >> well, the drug gees didn't even go to school. the kids could smoke in smoking area. they don't have that anymore. >> that was in high school? >> yes, it was called the pit in high school. >> you can smoke? >> yes. >> that's incredible to me. >> cigarettes must be a gateway drug because all of the kids in the area did drugs >>- q. i and in -- they did drugs. >> and they all had mullets and a little earring. and it might have been on the right here. >> but to be fair we all had that. >> and they had something you all didn't have, virginities. if you smoke you poke. >> or you act like you did. >> are you afraid it may affect your year-end sales in

drugs ? >> the supreme court ruled you could do this and it didn't affect these kids' fourth amendment rights. somehow the government forcing you to pea in a -- to pee in a cup if it helps you to not do drugs. it totally worked. it didn't do anything. yes i worry about my own personal sales. if the pee is really yellow that is not good. it means you are unhealthy. if it looks like gatorade that is not a good thing. >> there shouldn't be that much discoloration. >> but if it is cloudy mwow. you are all right. >> now high school kids are selling pee in the hallway. >> that's true. tom, you made a good p oi nt about parents stlaw to do this stuff at home. a lot of parents support this. that's because a lot of parents want to send their kids to school.

hands-off. i don't want it to be my problem. let the school do the job that i don't want to do. >> but to be fair there are parents who are saying what tom was saying. don't do that school. that's our job. >> they are duking it out now. >> and what happened in the board meeting? immediately when the parents said don't do that, the parents have said do it and they looked there and said you smoked drugs with your kids. these board meetings have turned into a cable news program. >> a lot of parents telling their kids not to do it and then parents who smoked when they are in high school and he said i started this in 10th grade because that's when the fun ms could. from weed to welfare. should white people get free money? jedi says yes and i say no. and in switzerland, my home country surprisingly, they will vote to give every adult a basic income of $2800 a month. i am so moving there.

the aim is to provide a financial safety net for the population. i am still moving there. organizers submit it for the referendum and dub the 8 million 5-cent coins outside the parliament building. another up for a vote would limit pay to only 12 times the amount of the company's lowest paid employee. love that. for more let's go to bark, bark, the dog raised on government handouts. >> do you want a treat? are you sure you want a treat? okay. >> beg, you dog. >> you said they have the right idea with all of this. >> this goes against everything i believe in. i hate giving somebody something for nothing.

it kills the drive. >> it is not something for nothing. >> that's true, but you will be bankrupt and you will have lazy people who don't have to strive for anything and it is a way to tank your country. if you want to do it, go ahead. >> you think it will tank the country? >> i thought we were giving swiss beats $2800. >> that joke is resonating in the hood. >> that is a joke only you could make on the show. >> i find that highly offensive. >> let's remember this is a petition. it got 100,000 signatures, but it is not close to being a law. the only part of this -- well, one of the parts i don't understand is they want to guarantee the income to all citizens, but then they also want to cap executive pay. well that is the pay of the people who will have to pay for all of these other people's guaranteed income. i don't know where they think

this money is going to come from. >> the extra money will come from the -- well they wouldn't share that money. >> they would because they would get taxed on more money, so more money would go into the tax system. >> like what obama wants to do here. >> here is my question, if they limit the income of the executives where is that money going? does it stay in the company? >> it doesn't exist. >> what? >> if they don't have to pay the executives, where is the money? fox news, where is the money. >> melissa francis, where is the money? check it out. >> tom, is all kenyan born -- no, who wrote this post? >> you did. you wrote it. >> who wrote that? what do you think about all of this? >> the swiss, of course, it is always the swiss. what are they doing now but

living off the interest of the drug dealers and the embezzlers. >> the swiss bank account. >> they are still making swiss pocket knives. >> eve time i get into an argument i always say name one country -- switzerland. they don't even know what is going on over there. i don't mind -- this is where i differ from jedediah. i mind if it happens in the united states. but we have the impression that this is not happening here. did you see that 60 minutes report on disability? we spend more money -- we write checks to people with disability and they spend more money than the department of homeland security combined. >> i will hire them. i will have them work for me. why not? >> to do what? >> they can do it. >> bill, what do you think?

everybody seems to be against it. >> according to the world economic forum, switzerland has the best economy in the world. it does. and to quote a good friend of mine who got throat cancer in a weird way, socialism for lack of a better word works. it cuts through and clarifies and it is the -- i don't know who you are talking about. >> michael douglas in "wall street." >> apparently it works. >> only in countries in switzerland. >> i wouldn't choose for lack of a better word, work. >> what is the population of switzerland? >> 2.3. >> how much money will run the country? we have 300 million people here. >> switzerland is roughly the size of new york city. >> a little smaller. >> i thought those shoes were in holland. >> they probably have wooden

shoes too. they are high all the time. >> holland, the dutch. >> they are fake. that's as real as narnia. >> i like the big cap in the executive salary. that's awesome. >> what is the incentive when are you an executive and you are at the top and you will get your money taken? >> enjoy. take off the wooden shoes and enjoy. >> enjoy a little swiss miss. >> exactamundo. >> put your shoes up like obama does. >> not tonight, andy. of all nights, not tonight. from the swiss to the bliss. the aging rocket said humanity has less than 15 years to live because of climate change. he said we are macing a massive extinction -- i can't

get the word out. >> because it is not true. >> and he also says, and quote, we may not get to 2030. you are talking like we are getting to something. he said the next world war would not be world war i and world war ii. but it will be the end. for more let's go to the puppy. >> it added little to nothing to the story. i'm glad it happened. >> is he crazy or should we listen to him? >> he is crazy, but if the world is going to end i have to start enjoying my life more. there saw lot more i want to do. just in case he is right, i am starting tonight. >> maybe the incas or the

mayans who said we are going to end. >> he is talking about climate change so it makes him trendy and popular. >> speaking of climate change, you don't believe in climate change. if it happens it is your fault. >> you like many people because of the re, mas i make -- because of the remarks i make -- people think i don't believe in it. i do believe in it. i believe it is happening, but i just don't care. >> i like the truth. we need more truth. >> i think people are focusing on the wrong thing. i don't think we should be cutting carbon. who is the guy that wrote the book "cool it." >> dr. suess. >> he is swiss. no i will think of his name. >> you hate all people, andy. so the end of humanity is a good thing to you, right? >> i have to admit it sounds peaceful. i am looking forward to the song "we were the world."

>> this is an example of why i mostly agree with climate scientists, but it makes it tough because you get the chicken little sky is falling people who just -- >> who ruin it. >> they have to shut up because they #r ruining whatever evidence there is. >> it is like gangster rap. a lot of gangster rap stuff came out. we liked it and then a bunch of sorry dudes came out and ruined it. gangster rap is like climate change. >> have you heard my last album? i'm wigidy, wigidy whack? take a listen. >> you think that? >> i believe in climate change. i don't believe we will end in 2030 because gildof said it.

>> you just made swiss words that sounded swiss come together in a fake name. >> he wrote a book called cool it. it is full of real stuff. >> most believe in climate change. the debate comes in as to what we are supposed to do about it. are we supposed to have government involvement. how do we uh prop it? some is man made and how do we approach it. >> are we going triple our economy? >> he wrote another book that said just that. look it up. >> it took me awhile, but i got it. >> in the movies when the earth ends --

>> it is swiss. thank you for trampling. >> in the movies when the earth ends we always find a new earth. would we find a new earth? >> i hope so. they are doing it right. i believed the scientists when they were telling us this they were scientists. now i know it to be a fact. sir bob geldoff told us this. >> you didn't call him as such. he earned the title. if lance a lot came over here and said the world is flat, you best believe i am going to believe it because otherwise he will slay me. that's what nights do. >> i apologize. coming up, tom shillue tells us how to drain blood without getting a drop on your new sweater vest. i enjoyed that on the way out. what did president obama say about the redskins?

i think i speak for the rest of the panel which i say we support obama 100% on everything he says or does.

should the chander -- commander-in-chief keep his sports talk brief? president obama, yes he is still president, wipe the tears from your eyes was asked to weigh in on the debate over whether the washington redskins should change their name. have a listen entitled white people. >> have i to say if i was the owner of the team and i knew there was a name of my team

even if it had a storied history that was offending a sizable group of people, i would think about changing it. >> thanks, shaft. let's go live to the redskins training facility to get reaction from dick mutkis. what do you say, dick? asalways working that guy. always, woulding. are you happy about this? are you as happy as i am president obama got involved? >> i would be inclined to complain about the president, but he was asked. >> i believe the word is axed. that's all right. you make mistakes. >> i blame the ninny state. we will not stop talking about this nonsense. the sportscasters and the athletes, everyone should just

shut up about it. it is obviously ridiculous. >> what? >> you are ridiculous. >> are you not for it? >> no. it is all absolutely politically correct silliness. people love to have controversy. no one is offended. >> okay, shoot him down. jedi shoot him down. >> you got him in a tizzy. he is tizzied right now. >> i was going to suspend the president's -- i was defending the president's right to an opinion. with that being said, is anybody surprised he took the politically correct approach? it is kind of what i would expect any president to do in a way. you don't want to offend anyone. you want to take a safe stance. with that said it is not meant to be do roughing tore.

what are we going to change everyone because someone in the room was offended? you can't to that. if we are aiming to be a polite society all the time we will be boring and you will not be able to make your jokes or make everyone laugh. we will always be afraid we will offend somebody. >> i am angry at people who want to change because they don't care either way. either people want it to changing or shut up. if he is really -- if he feels like this and not being political about it i am for it. but if you are getting on the ban wagon because one of your indians friends once said when were you watching a commercial about an indian crying and the redskins make him cry too. >> he was an italian actor. >> see, that's how many were killed off by the white man. i think that deserves a name change.

>> what you said in the green room, you said are you all for the redskins keeping their name and they should make it more harsh. >> you said that? >> they have red butts too. >> first of all, i don't mind president obama weighing in. the shutdown and he literally has nothing else to do. i disagree with jedediah and tom. i am with you, sherrod. i think they should change the name and it is offensive. would you walk up to a native american and call them a redskin? i don't think you would. if you wouldn't do that, you shouldn't have a sports team named after it. you can yell at me all you want, i don't care. >> now that you have given her the publicity, she will. >> what do you think? >> i wouldn't go up to someone and say that. >> i think there are people in this world that will be offended by a lot of things you say.

when i was younger people used to say you are wearing a guinea tee. they used to say that to me all the time. that is one of those wife beaters. >> this is a typical chick response. >> but come on. i want to be able to go to a comedy show and laugh at what you say. i want to enjoy a sports team and not worry about what might somebody mean by this or that? the majority of people aren't offended and when you poll the majority of people they say leave the name as it is. they don't get. it. >> with my jokes i won't say a joke i won't say in front of somebody's face. i won't say redskin in their face, i wouldn't say it at all. with a joke, i am not going to hold back a joke because muslims are in the audience or muslims in the audience or my mother is in the audience. i definitely would go hard with my mother in the audience. i would go to my sex stuff. i can't change it. if i can't say it to their face there is something

wrong. >> if i had a close friend -- it wouldn't be funny to me. i would not feel offended jie. i would call somebody a seahawk or a giant. >> you don't walk up to people and call them a seahawk. >> well, there is one girl. >> i go to some bars where they call me a chicken hawk. >> that's what i thought he meant. >> that's when it is sketchy when you can't say it to a person. >> it is just weird not offensive. my dad was a st. john's red man. it is weird. they went from an awesome mascot which was a native american that everybody loved. to a guy in a baseball cap. >> a red storm is scary stuff. >> is it -- it is not about people changing this. they want to flex their

power. they want people to do what they want. >> i don't think that's true. >> they want to make people do things. >> that's like me saying the people who wanted to stay are just all afraid of change. >> they may be. >> but they are not. >> my point is they are not. >> you know, what i love a white fight, but we have to take a break. i love a white fight. that's my favorite kind of fight. >> coming up, jedediah bila will discuss her latest memwiors i will only sleep with black comedians whose names sound like marod. and what about advice .osting my first red eye? for starters they said don't do this in the rain.

welcome black. can they try gradings from the ravings? they started adding to the usual daily tv ratings with twitter. they started measuring the on-line chatter with something they call twitter tv ratings. the "breaking bad" season finale had millions of tweets. they said the tv networks will

promote the ratings the same way they do the actual broadcast ratings. let's chat about this more in the -- >> lightning rooooooouuuuuu nu nnnnndddddd. you lightning round. >> almost passed out. >> what is going on with this? it seems stupid? >> i think it is stupid. it is interesting. twitter is -- when i looked at the top tweeted shows and a lot of them are kind of dumb shows that you don't have to watch. like "dancing with the stars." >> you just put it on. >> or "the voice." >> or "breaking bad." "breaking bad" had a huge twitter and they don't feel like they have to watch it. that proves that "breaking bad" is a show people would rather talk about than watch.

>> that could be true. i think you are on to something there. bill, what do you think? >> how easily could this be manipulated? we know there are a million fake twitter accounts for people who say they have a million followers. or even people who exist. how easy would it be to manipulate them in someway? maybe give them money. get them to promote a show even if they haven't watched it. i shouldn't be saying this because we have a healthy twitter following. this seems like it can be completely rigged. >> the "red eye" twiller followers are awesome. hash tag red eye. that's my crew. andy this. >> i think you disagree with tom. >> let me clarify. i am not saying "breaking bad" is a bad show. it is worse than the hype. that's why the ratings spiked the last two episodes.

half of the viewers wanted to be a part of the hype. >> i think that's probably true, but i also think at least from looking at my twitter feed, most of the tweets about the series finale were not during the series finale. they were before it and not discussing it afterwards. they were not during the hour. >> i modify my opinion. >> bill, do you think it would count in the ratings? >> first of all that is scurrlous, but my tweets come from a real person with a real voice and a real interest. people want to log on and see what i am watching, i encourage you to do just that. what i am saying comes from the heart. what these tweets will say will probably be coming from somebody encouraging them to promote a show they are not even watching. it is, to sues something the kids are saying poppy-cocc. >> i was trying to figure out

how i could monetize twitter. look it shows that twitter is really the way to sort of take things to the next level. esh -- everybody looks to twitter for everything. i know congressmen and congress women who say i get my news from twitter. or commentators say if i can't log on to the wall street journal they look to twitter for a summary. everyone out there is looking to twitter to see what is hot and what is trendy and what people think and how to make a quick buck off of it. >> i will be tweeting live during the show. sherrod under score small. >> you know what you can't get off twitter? >> next topic. last week a 9-year-old boy went through security and snuck on to a delta airlines plane from minneapolis to las vegas without a boarding pass. spokesman, he was unclear why

he was going to las vegas. because that place sucks. should he get a raise? i'm impressed that he didn't go to six flags or disney world. he said i am going where you really have fun, vegas. >> where are his parents? anybody know where his parents are how this kid made this happen? i give him credit. he did something i didn't think a kid could do. where his family was was beyond my wildest imagination. what are they thinking now? i wonder if reporters are trying to get in touch with the parents and why they are so absentee? do you know where your kid is at 10:00 p.m.? he is across the country. >> i don't know why anybody was so impressed with him. you go to the airport and they are like scanning things and people holding up their phones. there was a big, wide space and you can walk on to the plane of the he is a kid. people don't bother kids.

they thought he was going to see his mommy. you know who is not impressed? "catch me if you can." kid. >> if you help the kid, he is your responsibility. get on the plane, i have to go to cinncinati. andy, what do you think? >> this kid obviously has a gambling problem and all of you who are making light of this are enabling him and need to knock it off and open your eyes and get him the help he needs. >> this kid is bad as. remember the kid took the plane to the bahamas. remember that kid who took a plane? >> i am team tom. hasn't any of you idiots seen love actually? it is easy to get through airport security.

particularly if your mom has died and your step-father is having trouble showing you how he cares for you. airports are airports. check out my blog. back to the matter at hand. this kid wasn't trying to go to las vegas. this kid was chasing true love. >> now it is a better story. >> i am afraid it will end up that this kid was badly treated at home and was trying to run away. i am worried about that. i justo bring everybody down. >> i would be at the airport, my mother beat me. send me to jamaica jie. he was there the day before. he was hanging out at the airport and trying to get away jie. it is time to take a break. more stuff when we come back. is the -- it is the sherrod takeover of "red eye." stay right there.

o'reilly, hannity, cavuto, what do they have in common? other than the fact they are old and white and mutter about the weather? they have experience hosting shows on fox. i wanted to talk to the people. i hit the streets looking for some free advice. what i found was love. >> it is my first time hosting a show. any advice? man to man? canadian to american? >> be natural, be comfortable like this. >> be myself? >> be yourself. >> let it flow? >> sensor. >> sensor myself? you must know me. i am too much for television, right? >> i don't know. >> she checked me out.

>> i am checking you out. >> i am guest hosting a show on fox news tonight. >> no you're not. >> i know, i know. i lost a bet and they got me. >> no you didn't lose the bet, they lost the bet. >> the short dude, he is out. >> "the five" guy, right? >> greg. yes. what do you think about greg? >> i love his answers. they are goofy. >> do you watch greg ever when he hosted "the red eye" show? >> i do, only when i am up doing late work which is not often. >> i do what i call at late night late work too. dvr it. >> 3:00 a.m. and this will be on there. you will be on the show. >> cool. right on. >> tell my friends, all three of them. >> it doubles our ratings. >> you on fire right now. i'm gonna be myself and take it from the heart and the head and put it out there to the people. >> it is 3:00 in the morning. who cares some. >> from your mouth to god's ears. it is 3:00 a.m., who cares?

i can mess up. i can take a dump on something. nobody is watching this. somebody yelled my name. when somebody yells my name in the big city i go for them because they recognize me. >> how are you doing there? he has a photo of me -- what kind of weird [bleep] is going on? >> i am guest hosting "red eye" on fox news. >> no kidding. >> i am just as surprised as you are. >> you guys are fantastic speakers. i love the ad-lib opinions. >> yes, they are. >> i don't even think about mine. i just say it. >> that's great. >> will you watch tonight? >> absolutely. thank you so much. >> where are you headed? >> world trade center. >> okay that's where i am headed. can i get a ride? come on in? they said i am part of the family. let me get in on the back. you are too sweet.

>> here is my advice. there will be people talking on the panel do not listen. get a thought and just stick with it. you are raw and unschooled. you are not interested in doing a good show. you are interested in getting through it. >> you just read my tattoo word for word. >> my advice was watch greg gutfeld and watch his tapes and do the opposite. >> do the opposite of greg. >> people were saying that and i appreciate the advice. >> can i go now? >> what do you mean? your show is over. we are going to a strip club after this. >> as usual. >> he is right. >> tom, you hosted before, how do i do this. >> we are having a ball. you went on the streets and did that today? >> yes. >> when i host the show i sit and worry all day by the computer. >> don't you wish women were

allowed to host the show? >> it would be awesome. it would be awesome. i fought for the right to vote for nothing. >> andy? don't you wish jews were allowed to host this show? >> sherrod, jews are allowed to do whatever we want in the media, you know that. i learned something though. >> what? >> the three black people watching the show should take note, from you in new york and want to get a cab, black people, hold a microphone. >> that was a family sedan i jumped in. it wasn't a cab. there was a family in that car. >> my point holds. holding a microphone is not so scary. and that was not a mic by the way, i was just happy to see them. penis joke. bill, you were asleep most of the show. >> i was not and we brought out a graphic card to show people. i don't know if you can see this. we asked graphics to do a thing with the previous hosts and do a what is wrong with

this picture thing. you have your greg gutfeld and you have your tom shillue and your andy. and then jim norton hosted and here is the photo from jim norton. >> true story. >> this is a photo. unfortunately he was filibustering in congress. >> i don't know what happened. he was studious looking. >> i don't like i am in the alice position. >> i don't like being the made. >> do you have a comment on the show this e-mail us at red it at fox news.com. and do you have a video of your animal doing something? go to fox news.com/red eye. click on submit a video and we may use. it stay tuned and we will be back with more stories. just two more stories.

>> e block. the last story. that's the last story. >> good thing that guy was here. >> it put a crimp in our shrimp. yes, thanks to the government

shutdown 90% of american seafood imports are going uninspected. according to the food safety news where i get all of my news, inspectors of the food and drug administration are on furlough until the mess is resolved. that means the fda is not doing one of the main jobs blocking shipments from foreign companies with a history of tainted food. much of the shrimp comes from countries and is decomposing and riddled and sal money -- salmonella. that's disgusting. if the fda is not checking it, what do i know? >> nothing. >> what do you think? >> you have a purse full of shrimp with cocktail sauce. i go through women's purses and that's how i saw it in there. will you cut back now? >> i hate the shutdown. i love my shrimp and i am not talking about short men. i love my shrimp and this is disgusting. i had food poisoning and it is the end of your life. you feel like you are dying

and i don't want to go over that again. >> should the knuckle heads in dc have their shrimp with no worries? >> i feel like eating any kind of seafood. the gamble is part of the fun. you go out to seafood. once a year i have mahi, mahi. stripes. >> red stripes. >> so you turned jamaican. >> do you see i have stripes? >> oh it is the mahi, mahi. >> you said thanks, mom. >> this is ridiculous. this is insane. >> bill, what do you think? >> getting what we deserve, what was the government

thinking genetically combining the dna of shrimp in popcorn to begin with? have you ever seen a donkey? it is an f-ed up mutation between a horse. >> americans eat four pounds of shrimp a year. >> that doesn't seem -- how much? >> four pounds. >> i have eaten that much shrimp for an april paw tieser. i don't think -- appetizer. i don't think your numbers are right. >> not four pounds? >> the important thing everybody is forgetting is cocktail sauce kill ease co lie -- kills e-coli and salmonella. >> october 17th through the 19th, next weekend, check me up.

must be the money, look at the shoes. must be the honey. must be the honey. must be the honey, check me out. i would like to thank my special guest. judah --

hello, everyone. it's 5:00 in new york city. this is "the five." happy monday. welcome to day seven of the harry reid government shutdown. on the left. unwill to negotiate. a small group of gutsy tea party backed reps who are doing exactly what their base elected them to do. fight obama care at all costs. obama care launched tuesday anyway amid massive glitches. here's