welcome to "red eye." >> are baby tigers sending decoding messages to space coast? the shocking new evidence that will leave you speechless. plus, is president obama secretly building an army of robot teddy bears? the white house is denying it. >> the president never considered that. >> finally, are scientists testing a new drug that could turn humans into dust. more of those stories on "red eye" tonight.

>> let's welcome our guests. i'm here with miss america 2008, kirstin haglin. andy levi is off this evening. thank god. he have getting on my nerve. his latest comedy album is called don't force it. sitting right next to me he's hideous. he's horrible. he makes me want to vomit. >> a block. >> should we balk at dirty talk.

a texas court has ruled it's okay to have sexual online conversations with minors. i don't mean people who work with coal. i mean kids, which brings us to a new segment. >> victory for perverts. >> any way. citing the first amendment the texas court of criminal appeals struck down a law that lawed sexually explicit communications between a judge and a minor. judge kathy cochran wrote the law was was too broad. she cited "50 shades of grey" and sha ed shakespeare. pervert will be free to cowoman bombard or children.

how do the perverts feel? here is tape from outside the courthouse. it's amazing. i had no idea. there's 40 to 50 million perverts that are rejoying. tom, good to see you as usual. >> good to be back. >> it's great day for perverts, ie, you. >> at first i thought this judge was off her rocker. i thought this is a victory for perverts. she made a good point. the law prohibits and punishes is speech or already prohibited by other stuff. i'm really doing this. i'm arguing the facts. the thing is all of these terrible things one might do, it's already prohibited by other laws. this is what gets me. i say enough laws. if they are covered by other

laws don't pass new ones. i agree with the judge. >> i don't know about that. i think she's saying talk dirty to minors. >> greg, you can talk dirty to kids in texas but you can't make any plans. i think chris hanson screwed it for everybody. i think this is going to be a boon for the theatrical makeup business. you'll have to go back to the old way with ice cream trucks and maybeup. chris hanson ruined the whole island kitchen market. every time i go into a house where there's a kitchen island i think i'm going to be molested by a strange man bearing a six pack of wine coolers. >> they were always in great houses. >> i apologize for this story. isn't it a parent's job to keep track of who their kids are chatting with? not the government's job. >> of course it's the parent's

job. we would all wish parents would pay more attention to what their kids are doing. when i read this story i was shocked. the fact the supreme court went down to the basement to watch all those videos because they were talking about the obscenity laws where they could limit freedom of speech the internet today second-degris the public . there's some jurisdiction here that warntss some laws being made against what adults are able to communicate with a minor. where was this law when anthony weiner was texting minors explicit messages? i think it's pretty serious. our kids need to be protected online. >> i agree. i condemn every joke that's been made as disgusting and offensive. speaking of which, bill, if i'm

to follow this law does that mean i can walk up to a kid on the street -- >> you're not allowed to do that. >> i can say filthy things to a chd. if i'm not limited online, how can i be limited offline? >> this is a victory, not for perverts but freedom of speech. i was told i was going to be a silhouette and you would manipulate my voice. we're editing that out. this is a victory for first amendments, not just for pervs. as a random person on the panel. >> you know what's funny about that, that would be the way "red

eye," if "red eye" had a guest on, we don't have the budget to actually blur your face. you'd have to put your hand in front of your face like this and change your voice. >> i would not do that but the other person that said that would. i condemn him. >> here's the thing. i'll open this up to the table. we live in a time where we're absolutely intolerant of halloween costumes or off colored jokes or anything considered offensive to specific groups but somehow not this. slightly hypocrite cal? >> extremely. >> i don't think so. there's a different level of seriousness. >> that's what i'm saying. they're okay with this. >> you mean that they say first amendment, blah. i'm totally on your side on that. there are many times in the history of this country where the first amendment has said it doesn't apply to that. privacy and security, yelling

fire in a movie theater. >> i once shouted in a movie theater. >> i made the best point of the segment. it's already illegal. >> we couldn't stop there because we would have four minutes to fill. one person's dirty talk to a kid is another person's -- >> one person's dirty talk to a kid is -- >> cookie monster. >> you're scaring all the people watching. >> it's a terrifying voice. >> that how bill see himself in the mirror. >> that's how bill cease everything. >> the court order is strong with this one. >> don't encourage him. >> who? we don't know who we're talking to? >> under obama care men are covered when they give birth.

it's a day whatever of whatever. >> a congresswoman challenged kathleen about coverage you might not need like paternity coverage for males. >> the policy covers family. men do need maternity coverage for their spouses and families, yes. >> single male age 32 does not need maternity coverage. to the best of your knowledge has a man ever delivered a baby. >> yes. >> they're called ob/gyns. six people have enrolled on the sixth day. speaking of good intentions.

>> faster. >> yeah. >> i didn't see that coming. >> neither did i. i thought they were boing to make love. you were an actor or are an actor on general hospital. that kind of makes you an expert on obama care. >> and on many thing, doesn't it. >> what do you say about the fact they only signed up six people and you are eligible for maternity leave, care. >> i want to know if i'm going to get maternity leave at work. this is the most transparent administration in history. i feel like this is one more example of what a debacle is.

people love to give breaks when it's honest. >> she noted an insurance policy has a series of benefits whether you use them or not. isn't that the problem? it's like a one size fits all. >> it's been the government stepping in and saying we know better what you need than do which is patronizing. i know someone who said she had been save saving away 300 or $400. she is forced to put it toward a plan with higher premiums. she can only afford a hospital birth. it's taking a way choices from people and women. has a 32-year-old male ever given birth. she should have said what she said earlier, whatever.

>> if you need a midwife, i am a pretty good one. >> i'll recommends your services. >> i'm a mid guy. >> what does it mean midwife? it's such a weird term. >> you're weird. should men pay for maternity coverage? >> of course not. it's like comical. a benefit is still a benefit whether you use it or not. no it isn't. that's the definition of a benefit. how can you benefit from something that you don't use? it's truly an oxymoron. all the metaphors are falling in on themselves. i want a bicycle. i want to ride my bike to work. they want to give me car. it's so ridiculous. >> that's an interesting way to look at it. insurers consider you high risk

based your honor hit of petting raccoons and your heroin addiction. shouldn't you have to pay more than a normal person like shawn who is really normal and hot and you are high risk and ugly in. >> okay. i think we established that early on. i'm usually high on heroin before i pat the raccoon. rarely does the raccoon come first. it goes both ways like you on saturday. if i'm going to pay for someone's maternity care, i expect them to pay for my prostate exams. i get them weekly. >> going back to my point. one size fits all will always be inefficient basis we're individuals. your benefits should reflect your need, not the government's

needs. >> i think we know why you're so angry at one size fits all. don't bring your tiny agenda to us. i might be able to wear shawn's coat. you are not the norm. >> i thought you were talking about something else. >> this is an 11:00 show and i'm not an dirty individual unless you want to blur me. >> sex workers are enrolling. they interviewed them about how they are happy about obama care. rather than curb their risky behavior they want you to cover the diseases. all behavior is covered. >> you can get a prostitute to say almost anything if you ask the question directly. >> i'm going to get to this story. are you old enough for a puff? new york is raising the age to

by cigarettes from 18 to 21. the more likely they were to become addicted quoting this would save many, many lives, literally. senior health correspondent ambulance dog. . >> that's funny. he has no idea why he's doing that because he's a stupid mutt. i guess under 21 members of our military won't be able to calm themselves with a camel when in new york. that seems unfair.

>> this is like a wolf in sheep's clothing. we know smoking is bad. it's a drain on the insurance and health care and that sort of stuff. >> wolf. >> the thing is it's one more nanny state intrusion. it's in new york. if somebody is 18 years old, they're old enough to go in the military. >> there's an inaccuracy in your statement. cigarette smokers are not a drain because they die sooner. >> they can develop heart issues, lung issues. they won't necessarily develop it. >> the most expensive years of your lives are the last three to four years of your life.

the that's the ones they don't get. exactly. they'll think you are less creepy than you already are. >> i did have a chevy. i don't think this is right in line with everything that's going on. why should we let them smoke if they're on their parents insurance? >> because we're paying for it. >> that's exactly right. when i read this article it's amazing to me. you think raising the age limit will help people stop doing that thing. it helps to get them not addicted. for example, binge drinking is on the rise among people.

>> it's segmented prohibition. the city council voted to send you as many free cigarettes as you could smoke in the hope you would kill yourself faster. >> i just heard the free cigarettes part and i approved. >> i'm going to have to go with bill and buy him secrets. >> a, thank you. >> you look so young. >> binge drinking is fine. drink away. >> the black market is no joke. i used to live in east harlem. i would come up from the subway

and it would be drug, drugs. by the time i left and the taxes were going up, all i was offered was black market cigarettes. i'll tell you something, i miss the drugs. whoever is keeping score. >> it's going to turn me into a cigarette pimp. all these young people will try to get me to buy cigarettes. i'm going to be a horrible cigarette pimp. coming up. i saw something moving in my sad had. i ate it because i'm a weirdo. how does this model ruin one poor slob's marriage? we'll get to the bottom.

a red lobster waitress, is there any other kind, claim a customer left her a racial slur, the "n" word instead of a tip, but was it a hoax. she posted this on facebook. the receipt shows the name of an alleged racist. according to handwriting analyst, whoever wrote none in the tip line is not the same who wrote the "n" word. one analyst says the waitress might have written it herself. nobody knows. we asked "red eye" handwriting analysis to weigh in.

that's just like me reading entertainment weekly. i can't find anything i like. i just thumb through it. tom, the waitress says she believes the guy didn't write it. kind of late after his name got posted on the internet and called a racist. >> why does she believe that? perhaps because she wrote it? >> if this gal were smart, she would have erased the "n" and add a little hundred after that. you got a hundred tip. >> i did. it was from the man that became my husband. men out there, if you are at an establishment and you see a young woman worth your time and energy, give her that $100-tip. >> you married a guy for a hundred bucks. >> if i really want to find a

hot one to marry, i need to pay her. >> no, no. oh my goodness. i'm saying it's a nice gesture. >> it's not a requirement but you might want to. >> how did this turn into this story? >> if you want a hot wife, make it rain all over the table. >> after she posted that receipt, she received ten grand in random support from strangers. won't that inspire other waitresses to do the same thing? >> absolutely. i have all these notes about how defending someone's right to free speech no matter how odious it is and the whole thing turns to out to be a hoax. it's going set a bad precedent. >> we can't say she wrote it.

it's a way for lawyers to make a lot of money out of litigating this. >> i would sue. if somebody said i did that, i would sue. i would have to sue. i don't like lawsuits. >> there's another thing as play. it's not her property to take that and put it up on the internet. i'd be very surprised first-degrif this guy doesn't have an actual position against red lobster. >> that's who he will go for. they have the money. >> we're talking about race here. >> we don't see its color. >> i don't see fake racism. what i see is what she got

initially is this $10,000. i'm going to ride in cracker. go back and give me a little more money or i'm going public because crackers have feelings too. >> they do. tom, there are more officially fake hate crimes than real ones. i can't keep track. >> it doesn't do any good. if you didn't see the handwriting was quite dramatically different then it doesn't make sense. why would anyone do that? also this guy originally i thought this guy was being kind of a jerk writing none like that. he took his order to go. that's why he wrote none. i might say to people just as etiquet etiquette. >> don't point at me. >> if you get it to go, that's

going to ring up on her total for the night. >> i always wondered about that. the cashier might keep the tip. >> red lobster, it's probably not going to be that high of a bill. >> don't eat out if you're not prepared the leave a tip. if you can't afford the tip, don't eat out. >> don't eat out if you're not prepared to get married to the waitress. $100. >> what restaurant was that? >> it was a restaurant in atlanta. like a local sports bar and grill. it was a nice one. it was really nice one. >> not hooters is what you're trying to say. >> fun bags. now it's time for "red eye"'s glacier of the day.

i don't know where that is. it could be antartica. look. it's kelly hooks. that's the story about kelly brooks.

french is the sexiest language in the world. the lingo was followed by italian and british and dare i dare to dream. what did i say? >> lightning round. >> my french accent was german. is this further proof our country is going to hell in a french hand basket. >> i think men think it's sexy. women tlilike the italians bett and men like the french.

melanie lawrence, when she talks you just sit there. >> french has to be spoken softly to be sexy. >> when you yell it it's not good. i can't speak any languages. what accent turns you on and which one disgusts you? >> you just called bill a [ bleep ]. >> i did not. i said i speak a little bit of french and i went to paris on my honeymoon. i am partial. i love everything french. i love the food, the art everything about france is romantic. >> because of the accent. you went to france on your

honeymoon. your husband tipped you $100. what's next. our next segment is going to be on -- >> if you want to go somewhere that's french speaking an just as romantic, quebec. they disagree with us on everything politically but you can hear a sexy accent. >> women just like the accent that is your face, don't they? no matter what comes out out of your voice -- >> i was hoping this question would not be directed to me. >> if you had a french basaccent wouldn't be fair. >> i would be surprised that german and arabic doesn't come in. >> japanese is what somebody is yelling at you. >> don't do that.

bill your accent has been described as nasal and annoying. do all chicagoans sound as dumb as you. >> now you're besmirching an entire city. one that's never heard of you. german will never be on this list. you're not going to hear a lot of middle eastern countries on this list. upper class british accent on women great. on men, a little bit gay. southern accents kind of like rural southern accents. sort of the gentile on the veranda. >> can we stick to the french accent. russians accents are always villains in movies.

in sitcoms the long island accent is the guy that comes in to fix your plummings. with the french it's always sophisticated. they are ideas that are more destructive because it's cloaked in a romantic accent. that is wrong. all right. >> how do you say le pandering? did an odor cause disorder? emergency crews were sent to a brooklyn school for report offense a hazardous smell. it was axe body spray. it was squirted into a room full of sixth graders. according to statement released by the department of education,

ems transported eight students to the hospital and parents of two students took them to doctors over axe body spray. a punishment is pending an thank god for that. isn't sixth grade a little too old to be wearing body spray? >> not if you're the teacher. anybody that's been in the elevator has suffered the singe of an axe attack. this stuff is terrible. it is. >> is it really? i find toyoit to be a beautiful sexy smell and drives men and women crazy. >> it's horrible. this was marketed the boys if they want to get a girl. i was won wondering did axe

plant this story. >> i've never tried this. i'm too old. tom, do you think the acted so rashly in. >> yes. they obviously did. it's unmistakable the smell but it does smell quite toxic. men use them instead of showering. they go to the gym and they're like i'm not going to take a shower. men, you can't wear your gym shorts twice. not even twice. >> that's true. >> they put them on again. it's horrible. >> there are people that do three or four times. you're there on the stair climber and you're like boy, i smell bad. >> isn't that what febreze is for any way? >> that's been my lifesaver. the only thing that smells a

worse than axe is you. is they why you're not allowed in high schools? >> that's one of the reasons. >> they thought it was pepper spray. when i was a kid, we had these horrible girls that i used to hang out with. they sprayed a little bit of pepper spray. no one saw them and after a while everyone started coughing. everyone thought someone has poisoned the food. what happened is i'm sure there's been a problem with that and they probably smelled something odd. >> i had to defend axe because i'm sure it's a fine product. it's sufficiently. >> you know what i like? >> what? >> old spice materhorn. >> i don't like the old space in

the red container. >> doesn't every old spice come in a red container. >> i don't like it. i like the guy in the sweater. >> the original old spice guy was matthew perry's father. >> another interesting fact, what happened to matthew perry? >> painkillers. >> bill, i told you never blame painkillers for anything. they kill the pain of life. >> don't they also kill careers. >> no, they help careers. trust me on this. >> painkiller people send them this way. >> axe, i think you're great. i'm just hoping for an e endorsement. >> you can go online f you have a computer. it's one of those things with button plugged into the wall.

the joy of hate. order it. amazon.com. autographed copy. it's a greatest book ever written.

british guy, is there any other kind, was kicked out by his wife after he left a comment u under gallery of kelly brooks pictures. he wrote she's so sexy that i would leave my wife and kids for one night with her. one commenter said i hope your wife reads this. the wife did. she said my idiot husband forgot his comments are linked to our facebook account. she said i hope your brother has

room on his couch. i'm having the locks changed. was the wife too tough? >> i don't think so. if kwlour nyou're not smart eno monitor your behavior online, this is a really bad thing. i just hope they can part amicably but he deserves to get caught. >> shawn, you leave comments on websites, mostly racist rants. >> he did not follow porn

etiquet etiquette. it's to be used anonymously without comment and in if comfort of your own closet. it's a one way thing. he's not supposed to be leaving comments. >> you're an adult. do not leave comments on anything. everybody sees it, tom. should he be held accountable for a silly online comment? >> i gave this guy the benefit of the doubt. he said i would gladly leave my wife and kids for one night. >> whatever. >> yeah, yeah. he was going to return the next day. he wasn't abandoning his family. >> he was just stepping out. >> you get a celebrity freebie. that's like in the bible. >> that is not in the bible. i'm sorry. as the only woman in this panel, i'm not going to stand for this. it's not acceptable. it's unacceptable.

>> next week you will not be the lone woman on the panel. i can assure you madame. >> you can stand up with me and say this is unacceptable. >> i'm still doing the heels thing. >> he just said what ever man thinks when they look at kelly brooks. he was honest. women always say i want my husband or boyfriend to be honest. he was honest. >> i was honest when i say he married a jerk of a wife. in sickness and in health and through thick in thin. she's no doubt thick. he wanted the thin one. she should expect him to come back and give him another chance. there should be a three strike policy. >> some kind of sports metaphor would be good at this point. >> if he's going to tackle a home run, make it above the rim. >> it should be like bowling where you get ten strikes.

then, there's more than -- ten strikes. >> then with like eight muligans after that. and it shouldn't count on sundays. >> what? >> one day of the week you should be able to do whatever you want. that's how you keep a marriage going. >> it's like the purge online. >> i think all of america will agree with me. >> sunday is your online purge day. >> yes. >> oh, my god. >> do you have a comment on the show? e-mail us. do you have a video of your animal doing something, send it. coming up, the latest comedy album. i can hard by wait.

♪ all right, a brand new eye returns monday, 3:00 a.m. pacific. that's next week. ♪

because he's evil. he's been with us all night and he asked us to do this segment. it would have been awkward to say no. so we're going to talk to tom about his album called "don't force it." i've downloaded it 17 times. >> illegally. >> this is your 900th comedy album, right? >> it's my 12th of the year. i was online, and i said, my 12th album is out. i released one a month for 12 months. i'm like evel knievel. somebody wrote, are you kidding? i thought this was a red eye running gag. every time i got on here, i plug a cd and it's always a different one. so fans think i'm joking. i'm releasing comedy albums. >> you did one a month for a year, and it's real, it's not a joke. how much did this cost? >> the full bill was probably around $2500 for all of them. this is the modern era.

i just record my sets, and it just goes into a digital recorder. i put it through garage band, it's free -- >> you're a genius. >> and it put it online. >> are you making money off this, or is this a pathetic ruse? >> i think i might have made my $2500 back. but tonight, it's all going to change. the thing is, it wasn't really designed to make money, because i'm selling it for $1.99. the whole thing was like, i want more fans, that's why i come on shows like this and say things i don't really believe. but i thought, how can i get more people to be into me. i thought what if i put out album after album. to be frank, they're not even that good. i didn't even care. i said i'm going to reach a deadline. but they aren't bad. i was listening to one in my car

the other day, and i'm like, you're okay. >> maybe you should keep going. don't you believe in the law of diminishing returns, that people like to have stuff spaced out to appreciate it more? >> if the country was in love with me, i might space it out. but i want to bombard with people to get them to pay attention. finally they're going to get sick of looking at me, and they're going to say i'll buy one of them for $1.99. and then they're going to -- i'm going to get them hooked on me and they'll listen to all 12. >> you know what the best part about this that i learned, though? every fan thought we were kidding about the 12 albums. that means nobody thinks i'm a homeless transgender drug addict. thank you, fans, for being smart. >> i think they think all of those things.

>> no, they don't. that's scurrilous. >> that does it for me. i'm going to sit here and stair at you and you're on facebook.

have a great weekend. i'm megyn kelly. this hour, when he talks, washington listens. charles krauthammer. his uniquely american story. his journey from m.d. to the pulitzer prize. how he over came a devastating accident with a determination to lead. a life that matters. hello. i'm brett bear. i hope you will enjoy this special as much as we enjoyed making it. fox news viewers know where charles sits on most of the issues but we bet there is a lot you don't know about the all-star panelist, syndicated columnist, harvard trained ps