record" each night. that way you never miss it. see you tomorrow night. go to greta wire.com to eltell us what you thought about tonight's show. that's it from washington. alberto. welcome to "red eye." tonight. >> have these chefs come up with a cheese burger that can help you lose weight? we will show you the incredible science behind this hot new dieting trend. and how long did the president and his vp waste on a recent trip to bed, bath and beyond? >> we spent close to an hour in there looking at everything there was to see. >> and finally, the tragic tale of a dog who won't stop popping balloons. helping your canines with this horrible disease. none of these stories on "red eye" tonight. >> beautiful. and now, let's welcome our guest. she is so hot that smoky the bear keeps trying to put her out. it is miss new york, usa and

he is just waiting to die. tv's andy levy. i think he is almost there. and from the daily caller, senior editor jaime weinstein. come on, call yourself james. and story teller tom shillue. his latest comedy album is called "don't force it." i have six copies and i sleep under them in the park. look at that. >> a block. the lede. that's the first story. hey, greg, i like the way you comb your hair. i like your stylish clothes you wear. >> at this point you are mailing it in disembodied voice. >> his interpretation was a fabrication. the sign language guy for the memorial at nelson mandela was a complete fraud. the unidentified man sat beside noted speakers and made hand movements that had absolutely no meaning. i love this person.

prompting anger among deaf people. let's pause and take a look at his work. >> in which they have been hahn hahn -- honoring and remembering the memory of nelson mandela since he passed away. we applaud you and thank you for that. >> they are the same hand movements apparently. said the head of the british deaf association, quote, the gentleman, being polite, is a fake and he has no real clue about sign lange wig dash and has obviously upset the deaf community. the south african government says they are looking into the matter. which means get lost. it is not our fault. in russia -- >> a guy fell out of that. he is doing fine.

in russia he is dead, but he is doing fine. tom, this is an amazing story to me. it could be the story of the year. >> it is a heartwarming story. >> why is it a heartwarming story? >> i don't think this guy meant anything wrong. i think he is a fine guy. they asked him to get up on the stage. ii don't even think he knows what sign language is or it is a language or there are deaf people in the world. he has seen a lot of speeches and there is always somebody next to the guy going like this. so they are like stand next to him and he said okay and just did all of those things he saw being done. >> or somebody canceled. this is my theory, somebody canceled at the last minute and he was a friend of a friend and they said can you do this? >> and they have to have somebody on there. that's ridiculous. i play a lot of colleges and they always have somebody doing this. it is terrible and a lot of visual clutter. it is a language. i actually think it is a good language. it has its place, but it does president need to be there all -- doesn't need to be

there every time at every speech. we don't have a interpreter for the blind at the ballet. she is on her tows. she is go -- toes, she is going higher. we don't have that. >> is there a sign for digging a hole like you just did? >> it is cool you think you should decide when deaf people should hear speeches. >> andy, you make my point perfect. my analogy for the ballet is apt. we don't have somebody yelling at the ballet. he is throwing her in the air now. >> but it is different. >> andy would say, that is wrong. you want to deprive the blind people from hearing what the man with the six legs is doing it. >> i don't know if they have it at the ballet, but they have earphones people can wear. >> it is a play by play. >> well then deaf people should get a little screen. >> they have closed captioning. >> you know what would be

funny? they are closed captioning right now in a bar. watch this. >> i am the closed caption guy. i hate that guy in the zipper sweater. i am going to stop closed captioning and just talk about how much i hate that guy in the zipper sweater. i am getting in trouble right now. >> you are a jerk. joanne, i don't know what happened there. this is a scary thing to me. this guy was allowed to get next to the president of the united states. how easy is that? >> i need extensive background checks to apply for an apartment. that is not next door to the president. i just don't understand what cracks he got through. he is actually south africa's catcher for their baseball team. he was doing a lot of -- >> there you go. >> it was the same exact movement. >> it looked more like an air traffic controller. >> here is the thing. i think he could have pulled it off because he fooled like -- most people didn't

notice it, jaime. is this how you go after a world leader? could this have been a dry run? >> i think most people didn't notice because most people aren't deaf. i think deaf people noticed it. there is a danger aspect of this. as you said, the security concern that the guy got in. i have my own theory which is different than yours. this is like third world cleptocrisy. this is what happens. the president's brother's buddy needed a job. we need a sign language interpreter. he has done it more than once. this is not the first time. it is given to some guy whether he knows how to do it or not because the brother's buddy needed a job. that's how he got there. >> andy, earlier today "the today show" i don't know if you are familiar with it, it is on in the morning and you are usually out galavanting with your cats. they had fun with this bizarre story. it got a little ugly. >> he is just repeating the same gestures over and over. >> the question now is who the

guy and how did he get there? we reached out to the british deaf association and they told us the same thing. >> do we want to reach out to the american deaf association? >> no, no, no, wrong. >> that is horrific. >> you know what is interesting going on there? i don't know if they notice it is offensive and they realized it is going to lead to an apology. it is like oh my god i am deeply offended, oh no we have to apologize. stop now. we have to apologize. and, andy, they apologized. >> of course they did. here is the difference between the real fake guy and the fake, fake guy. the real fake guy, that was funny. i know it wasn't funny in it deprived deaf people from knowing what was going on and if i were deaf i would be pissed. but the guy looked all serious. did you see the motion he made when the south african president said mandela passed away?

he went like this. he did a throat thing. >> that might be. >> for passed away? i don't think so. >> i don't know. >> i don't think it is. >> that might be from an old school signage. maybe it is slang. >> i don't think so. >> none of us know anything about sign language. >> i know a little bit. >> oh god, please. >> i said i know how to play hockey, but i don't. but i somehow know how to say that. >> do you know how to lie? >> hire me! >> for all of us sitting here criticizing him, at the end of the day, he had a front row view of history. he will have this forever. we are just going to be prattle in the pictures next to president obama. >> maybe you, but i would not cheat my way to a his historical event. >> can we put up the picture? you got a fake sign language interpreter next to a fake american.

i mean, how fitting is that? >> andy, are you going to get some mail tonight. >> that is horrible, greg. that is horrible. >> all right, here is my theory before we move on. i call it the gluten free theory. it is idiotic, but bear with me. say you are going to a country like south africa or say you are going to mexico or wherever. you sit down in a restaurant and your wife says does this have gluten in it because i am allergic to gluten and the waiter is like [bleep]. he talks to the chef and the chef is like this is like the third american that has said they have a gluten allergy. just tell them that we are gluten free. that's what happened here. it was like, they forgot to get a sign language interpreter and they said just get one. no one will notice. they just lied. >> let me tell you why this may be the first time in the history of the show your

insane, idiotic theory may have a grain of truth. >> i like that you said grain though because it is a gluten. >> good point. >> sometimes it just happens, the humor. gill during uh apartheid there was two sign languages, one for whites and one for blacks. now they have south african sign languages, but there are only six accredited interpreters for the south african sign language. you may be right that they couldn't find somebody. >> maybe he is one of them and maybe all of the people who are complaining speak white sign language. maybe it is a bunch of racist people. >> that's not how it works. >> if there are two kinds -- >> flow is one they are trying to standardize, but the people who know the language say that's not what he was doing. >> i like when we have five people together talking about something we don't understand and we come to some really, really meaningful conclusions. >> i am the closed captioning guy and i hate this show and i will stop closed captioning it right now. i will talk about my aunt betty.

he will get fired, this guy. >> this is a great idea. you should do this wherever you go. just to get the closed captioning guy fired. he is an awful man. just say it. i am the cloptioned -- closed captioning guy. i am a white supremecist. >> they already fired the first guy. the second is getting fired now. >> oh my god. they spent -- i don't even want to do this story now. they spent 300 next to nil. >> who the hell cares? >> ask the closed caption guy. it is weird when people see i am dating an 8-year-old. >> this is an amazing story, even for the closed caption guy.

oregon signed up only 44 people. only 44 people. this after spending $300 million on the faith-based exchange. this is like $30 million per person. i didn't do the math. i figure it is pretty close. this new report by the department of health and human services says the state had the fewest enrollees in the nation nation -- enrollees? that sounds italian. i will have six enrollees. >> i would like a sausage enrollee please. >> the lack of succetaking in my to build and promote the exchange in all of the two states and despite out reach efforts like this music video here. >> ♪ i will sing for the place that my heart is called home ♪ ♪ where the salty air ♪ meets the cold mountain snow ♪ ♪ i am free to be happy and healthy and strong ♪ ♪ live long in oregon ♪ long live the oregon spirit ♪

♪ long live the oregon way >> i am the closed caption guy and i hate that broad. that is sexist. i don't know about you, but that is pretty sexist. joanne, that is like they should have given a million bucks to 300 people. >> i would gladly taken that money. i could have paid a lot of hospital bills for my friends, for drug addicts, whatever. >> i like the way you think. which is very little. >> my biggest issue is long -- oregon and long, isn't it supposed to rhyme? >> yeah. i think you found the most important element of the story. >> that's the only worth while thing to say. >> i am the closed caption guy and i am thinking about calling up that girl on "red eye." is that against company policy

if i do that? i mean will anybody find out? maybe if i lie. after all i do steal from the company. i am going to milk this joke until it is no longer funny. problem -- probably is already not funny. this is like a magical achievement that you could spend this much money. >> oh i thought you meant the commercial. >> i was looking at him and said tom. i will go to you and then you answer the question. >> did you see the rainbow that was shooting out of the dark cloud? i thought that was disturbing and weird. yes this is ridiculous. young people are not going to sign up for obamacare. it doesn't matter what state you are in. everyone knows in your 20s you don't have any insurance. you are invincible. here is the commercial again, wonderful. then as you become more comfortable with the fact you are going to die at some point, you add insurance.

>> exactly. >> now i am fennelly insured. i was president insurance -- i wasn't insured until i was 35. >> you are supposed to have cheap premiums and don't care. >> they thought young people would run out and buy this is ridiculous. it shows you how little respect they have for young people. we would put on these stupid commercials and they will run out and buy something. >> they think they are stupid, jaime. i will ask you the question i asked tom because i thought i was asking you. i dropped my pen and it confuses me. this is like an achievement. it really is. the amount of money spent on so little, it is like almost -- this is like the pyramids for big government. >> it is amazing. the website doesn't actually work which is why they have such low enrollment. they can use a paper application to get enrolled. i have a theory for this as well. >> does it involve gluten? >> no but it involves our sign language friend. clearly he has been put in this role to design the websites which is why we have

seen them in disasterous shape. what is interesting is this also explodes another one of the president's arguments that even though the federal exchange website is working not as well, the state exchanges are working fantastic. we can see in oregon that's not exactly right either. >> andy, is the problem, and i think you are going to agree with me, is that they are not spending enough? >> absolutely, greg. let me explain to you how the world works using a thing i like to call math. if spending $300 million leads to 44 people signing up and oregon's population is 3.9 million, all you have to do to get everyone to sign up is spend $26.6 trillion. this is scientific logic, greg, something son serve tiffs should look into if they want to join the reality-based community that is comprised of intellectuals like myself. >> all we really need to do is print more money. >> if you need to, fine. but just spend what you got. spending $26 trillion, a small price to pay for free health care. >> that's true. that's true. joanne, you were nodding

along. were you being polite? >> i was trying to do the math in my head. >> i did it like six times. >> when i don't know the answer i just nod. >> that's great. you are really good at nodding. tom? >> you have to spend more for the first 44 and that's where you have to put the up front money. after that you can taper off. >> that's what they will tell you, tom, but they don't tell you. they get out back end. >> i think it is quality and not quantity. they only have 44, but they are the right 44. they are the best 44. those are the ones you want. >> you need the connectors. people who have a lot of friends on social media. maybe they signed up some people with a lot of twitter followers. >> that may be right. i don't know. i lost interest. but at least i am being honest. closed caption guy, hey. it has got to be a commercial. if i am the closed caption guy you know what that means. off comes the pants, happening out. looking at porn. >> is obama the 44th president? >> yes. >> and 44 people have signed

up? >> oh wow. >> what is going on here? >> you have cracked the case, columbo. >> closed caption guy, help me. you are my only hope. >> i called you jewlumbo. that's a jewish columbo. maybe the closed caption guy will say it. finally somebody is speaking my language. the panel will exchanging secret santa gifts. i got joanne my toe nail clippings. it is what you wanted is time the pope of the year or is year the time of the pope or is the pope the year of the time? oh forget it. stupid mess.

do babes get better grades? it is actually a woman, but the closed caption guy said babes because he is a pig. a new study found better looking high schoolers actually have higher gpa's. researchers reported that students rated as being above average looking are what they call standing out from the crowd or ie, the gutfeld quotient, has higher marks in school. they also concluded that super attractive types like me or john stossel don't have an advantage. let's go to "red eye" correspondent, fat cat. >> well, i guess that was truth in advertising and ended rather abruptly. joanne, you are hideous. doesn't being hot get you extra attention from teachers and that helps your grades? isn't that it? >> well in high school i was the girl with the back brace.

i don't really fall anywhere into this study. my good grades were not because of looks. it was because i was an overachiever with no friends. >> report they always like -- aren't they always like that? the hot girls? she was alone. >> and there is a study that says 82% of teachers have back brace fetishes. it may have something to do with that. >> and the weird thing is that's all she wore which was amazingly disgusting in america today you would walk around in a back brace. where am i? jaime, do you think this idea holds true for both sexes or just women? >> probably for women. but i think there is a possibility that thisy are not considering with this. maybe people in school find those who have high gpa's attractive. maybe that is what makes the people attractive. >> have you been to high school? >> no. >> not in the last month. after that incident. >> i am not allowed within a

hundred yards. >> who isn't? tom, i have a feeling you have very strong, strong feelings about this. >> i do. but jaime took my theory and i think he is right. the thing is that when you are very young you don't know who is good looking. i want you to open up your yearbook and look through and look at the girls that you ignored in high school. they are as scrumptious as a piece of baby watson cheesecake. they are fantastic. you walked right by them in the hallway. >> that is true. >> you don't know what is good looking. you can only go on who is popular. and popularity is formed young when it is usually the smarter kids in the class. oftentimes the first and second in the class, the valedictorian is seen as nerdy and weird, but the top 20 in the class are the popular kids , and that is why people think they are good looking. jaime, you are right. >> i actually don't even believe my own theory. i was just trying to be counter intuitive. >> he changes his mind.

>> when tom agrees with you it scares you. >> he actually convinced me my theory was wrong. >> that shows you the kind of iconic class i am. >> what about boys in high school? i will sometimes look at my yearbook and say what did i see -- i mean what did they see in him? >> you know who fell the furthest? go to your high school reunion. the big men on campus have fallen the furthest. you can recognize them from the high school face, but all of the features are crowded to the middle. it is a phleby head. >> they go to the center. >> they look like a parade float and their little head is -- they are trying to be tough. shillue, nice zipper sweater. >> they are like parade floats. and they lumber around. oh that's so weird. andy, do you have a theory? >> not really. >> i am scared of theories right now.

>> what i thought was interesting was it was all above average and not about being gorgeous. there is no advantage to being gorgeous. we were discrime ?ait -- discriminated against. there is no way we can be smart. >> that's valid. >> thank you. >> also, the person who conducted this study, they said they couldn't directly measure if teachers gave better grades to better looking students. that's an important part of the study. >> the reason you do it. >> right. why did you do this study then? >> to get -- you know what, to talk to the hot student. this was all an exercise in perversion by some under grad -- sorry some grad students in college or perhaps the professor. what he was doing is he was like, dude, he is telling his buddy at the campus pub, i got it figured out. get a grant, do it on the evolution of physical attraction and its effects on grades.

that means we get to talk to all of the hot students. >> what happened is they tracked him after high school and they ended up talking to parade floats. >> oh really? >> it totally backfired. >> they tracked him down. this also proves my other point about the true bigotry in the world is attraction. ugly people get the short stick on everything. >> that's true. but i'm telling you in high school there is not that many ugly people. they all look tbr. >> they do because they are in the prime of their lives. that's why miley cyrus can run around naked. she is supposed to. she is 20. not when she is 60. i don't want to see that. or maybe i do. >> you are an ageist. >> i have had enough of this story. coming up, the c block. c block is sponsored by the bulldozer. look at that one. that is a powerful tractor. look at that broad, upper right blade. in the front. it is for clearing the ground. thanks, bulldozers. >> you're welcome, greg. >> oh wow. hey, would you like a one way

trip to mars? if you do write the words yes mars in spaghetti sauce on your tv screen and nasa and myself will be contacting you shortly.

this is a fox news alert from america's news headquarters in new york. i'm andy levy. devastating news out of pew rare toe rico where "magic mike" star lost his abs.

he is in a tank top and it is not hiding the flesh -- fleshy growth of his stomach. tatum was helping to save the white house from a mercinary attack leaving the question whether the disappearance poses a threat to america's national security. this has been a fox news alert and now back to short guy and panel already in progress. >> where did that come from? has there been any updates in the last four seconds? >> there have not been any updates since i read that, no. >> just checking. >> if there are i will break in. >> anything? >> not yet. >> joanne, are you as heart broken as i am -- >> wait. i am being told -- i kid. >> now i will never be able to finish the question. all right. i am devastated by this. to me he was the icon of abdominals. what about you? are you heart broken? >> he looks like a regular guy now. man, i should say something

about the double standard about women gaining weight, but i just don't care enough. i still think he looks great. just say you are doing it for a role. that's the perfect excuse. >> i say that all the time to the police officers. just doing it for a role. and then they put me in the car anyway and grab my clothing. jaime, should we be happy for chann nie g? >> he is probably eating a lot of good food. i can't say i am an expert on channing tatum. he doesn't look that bad. they are itching for a story here. i don't really see the story. he doesn't look like he is disshelfed. >> this was a fox news alert. >> and that is a fox and it is news and we are alerting. >> i thought fox news alerts are supposed to come from the breaking news center they built and not from the -- >> well you thought wrong.

>> look, i think he looks fine. like a boxer -- >> priorities. >> at this point, you know what -- >> i am giving up. >> tom, here is my theory. i have a theory. abs are on the way out. day tunnel is a -- tatum is a trend setter and he knows. he is transitioning into a new body. it will be great. >> do you know why abs are on the way out? gay marriage. now that they can marry they don't have to worry about abs. it was the gay influence that people were so into abs. >> it is not the dumbest theory. >> it is brilliant. >> studies of marriage show men and women gain weight when they get married. when i got married i put on 30 pounds. that's what happens. >> no married guy had abs, but the gay guys had abs.

now the gay guys are getting married and they are losing the abs. it is over. >> sad day. >> it is a sad day. except channing tatum is not gay. >> but the gay guys love him, right? >> i wouldn't know. >> who on this show loves channing tatum? i have talked about this guy so much on this show and i have never seen him in a movie. every time i am here we talk about him. >> you know why? he is an icon. i like him. he is the strong, sigh lept type. she not afraid to show his feelings while breaking some heads. under rated actor "magic mike" was a solid film, with a b plus and maybe an a minus in a couple years. >> do women like -- >> why is it strippers wear a tie with no shirt? i think that looks dumb. >> it is so true. >> i am not sure. >> good point.

>> also because he does president have a neck. he doesn't have a neck. >> that's not a good look, is it? >> shall we move on? kansas state board of education says students should learn curvsive. they are approving new hand writing standards for public schools and mandatory back rubs from unmarried gym teachers. i had no idea. students are expected to learn to write cursive in the third grade and legibly by the fifth grade. cursive advocates, yes, they exist, say recent brain science indicates the fluid motion used when writing script improves hand-eye coordination and develops better motor skills. this is an amazing story. apparently this promotes reading, writing, and cognitive skills. what about you? do you think this is going to be a requirement in the 29th century? >> no, just like mental math. you don't meed to teach it with the advancements in

technology. you don't need this. you don't need third grade. >> you don't even need third grade? just go from first to -- from second to fourth? >> yep. >> why not second to eighth? >> that's when you learn to share and learn those skills. you should do some of that. it is so true. when you drew cursive did you dot the i? >> sometimes i let the boy do the heart. >> that's a little weird. tom, what is next? >> you know, they are going to be eliminating all sorts of stuff, but they shouldn't. it is useless. there is no reason to learn cursive because you will not use. it you know what else you won't use? latin. a lot of the best things are -- you know what else is passe? reading. you don't need to read anymore. there is video. you have written two books. have you read any? i doubt it.

people don't read anymore. it doesn't mean you shouldn't learn to read. write cursiv expe look at the steve jobs commencement speech how he took caligraphy and it changed everybody's lives because he, woulded them into the mac operating system. >> that's fantastic. he does have strong feelings. andy, your parents were teachers and you suck. i guess this means cursive writing is pointless. >> no, i will tell you why all-american school children should learn it. can we put up the image? you know what this is, greg? the constitution of the united states of america. the greatest document ever written by human hands. you know what it is written in? >> cur vive. >> cursive, greg. if it is good enough for the founding fathers then it is good enough for me then damn it it is good enough for school children. >> you should print that and laminate it and wear it as a pin. >> i have thought about that and then i decided i am not a tool.

>> jaime -- >> such a patriot. >> we are falling behind compared to other countries with names i can't recall. but we are falling behind those countries nonetheless because i hear about it a lot on this very station. they are countries like that one and the other one and the big one and the big scary one over there, that one especially with the guys who look funny. what do you make of this? >> recess is a more important class than cursive class. we are not leading the international tests into math and science. maybe after we get sufficiently teaching the students math and science then we can discuss cursive. my favorite part of the story says some educators question whether cursive is necessary. some? who is actually thinking that cursive is necessary? it is not. we are in the age of technology. >> let me ask you question, how do you sign your name if you can't write cursive? >> how do you write a check? >> with an x. >> you have to write out -- i wrote a comek and it was sent back -- wrote a check and it was sent back because it

wasn't all filled out. >> you can squiggly line. >> if you go by what is necessary then nobody would learn anything. art is not necessary, but everybody should be learning it. >> that's true. see he blew your theory away. >> i think we should go back to signet rings where you stamp things. that's my answer to that. >> i love jewelry. i am all about that. >> i also like cursive. i used to dot my i with a hood. >> like your klan buddies. >> we have to take a break. terrible. more stuff is on the way. i got a new book, probably haven't heard about it, coming out in mar: you can pre -- coming out in march. look at the cover. it looks like a kiss album. kiss stole the album. you can go to my website g gutfeld or you know what it looks like? the beginning of bohemian rhapsody. go to g

gutfeld.com.

must he be pale if from the south pole? that is not even a rhyme. i expected it to rhyme. a writer at salon.com says santa should not be a white man anymore. slate? who did this today. iasha -- is that right? >> at this point who care. >> it is less and less white. a melanin deficient santa in malls and casting calls. you are say wing should create a new santa of christmas cheer and santa should be a penguin. making santa an animal instead of an old, white male could spare millions of nonwhite kids the insecurity and shame that i remember from childhood. by i i mean me and not the writer. >> i thought the closed

caption guy. >> the closed caption guy is going this sucks. why couldn't i do the other job. >> santa saved a pang win -- penguin from the evil war lock. and then he melted the winter war lock's heart by giving him a choo-choo toy. >> does he have a point? >> was that the 6th corrine thee yens? >> she has a point. how can we spare millions of nonwhite kids the insecurity and shame i remember from my childhood? come on. did she really have insecurity and shame or did she develop that insecurity and shame in graduate school? >> will give you. it is that kind of thinking that is elevated and she might have had it in a kid, but it is indulged in college. why is the default of our culture mainly because they

are mainly white people, but why hospital we change that? >> we -- why shouldn't we change that? >> we have to many other things to focus on. male. i think santa is a woman. very organized. sneak egoing into your home. we stress eat and that's what the cookies are for and we need milk for calcium. that is the issue at hand. >> actually we have been living a complete lie. the woman who wrote this is sexist although we don't know what exis the penguin is. do penguins have sexes? >> yes. >> they are gay. >> well, the male penguins stay with the baby. >> the woman leaves. she walks off. >> if santa is to to be an animal, i uh appreciate it being a penguin. >> why not give him abs and huge pecs while we are at it? >> will the war on christmas never end? now they are going after

general santa claus? actually i am for making it a penguin. mainly because it is ridiculous and ridiculous things are funny and i like to laugh. i am with ms. harris. let's make santa claus a pang win. >> i think penguins are creepy. i can never tell if they are fury or slippery. i don't like animals you can't tell if they are furry or slippery. >> they are slippery. >> but there is fur. >> it is a slippery fur. >> fur is not supposed to be slippery. >> it is slippery when wet. >> and so is bon jovi. >> can i solve this problem right here and right now? stop lying to your kids about where the damn presents come from. >> what do you mean? >> problem solved. >> you know what, there are people at home who have no idea what you are talking about. >> children are watching this show. >> there are a lot of kids. >> it is 3:00 a.m., i can say that. >> it is true. kids who are watching this at 3:00 a.m. that's the parents' fault. we can talk about santa. santa is real.

>> can we just add to santa's powers and make one of his powers is he appears to people however they want. white people could have a white santa if they want and black people can have a black santa. women can have a female santa or men can have a female santa and be hot. >> that's what iesha's dad told her and she didn't believe him. >> she went to grad school. >> no, the problem is in our culture you see white images of santa and that would have to change. i know that would bother someone like you with your lay taint racism and homo phobia. >> it would drive you crazy. >> how about like groundhog day, just one day a year we spin a wheel and what ever color it comes on that year santa will be that color or that race or male or female. >> or make him or her purple, then nobody is worried about it. he is a different color or she is a different color from everyone. >> i don't like purple

people. >> you only like white people. >> no, just purple. >> no, it is everything but white. >> it is just purple. >> i like purple because i like grape juice. >> you would. >> what does that mean? >> i don't know. >> why are you laughing at me because i like grape juice. >> that is something he would like. >> grape juice is more fun -- whether you a kid you had orange juice and apple juice so when you had grape juice it was a big deal. >> i liked grape soda. i do have to say jie. this is pointless. we were talking about grape juice and not grape soda. two different things. do you have a comment on the show? y mail us. do you have a video of your animal doing something? click on video and we may use it. coming up, "time" man of the year.

coming up tomorrow on the next "red eye." >> e block. last story. that's the last story. >> the pope beat the dope. it is the time of year for time's person of the year, aka, everybody remembers there is a "time" magazine, only to

forget tomorrow. "time" picked pope francis and why pick god's guy? francis has changed the tone and perception of the catholic church. stressing passion over condemnation on hot button issues like abortion, gays and contraception. tom, you claim to be a catholic. was the pope a good choice? >> wow, the press is now worried about the catholic church all of a sudden. they are worried about what the pope was say. >> didn't he win person the year one year? well the thing is i think we can all agree that the press was not going crazy for john paul ii. >> it wasn't as big of a celebration. >> they didn't print his

speeches and talk about the new tone. they had a lot of things to say about communism. the pope comes out and says one word. it is something he doesn't understand which is economics. he is clueless. i read that speech. and you know they love the guy. >> i get it. he is the soft, fuzzy pope. >> they said -- i was reading this article and they said he is the obama of popes. he is the john mccain. the press is gonna turn. just watch. >> look at you. >> the closed caption guy is thinking you are a jerk. who would you pick as person of the year? >> definitely not miley cyrus. i am happy she didn't win. there has only been 4 women who have won this. i am just really glad it wasn't her. but then again i view this as a pageant. there wasn't a lot of competition. you know what i'm saying? the pope won, but there were no standouts. >> i agree with you.

i could have won i think. >> just to clarify too many or too few women? >> okay. >> you are proving my point because we need more. >> the "time" editors are not aware that the pope is against gay marriage. if they knew that he wouldn't have won. the most sig -- significant person is a bad guy or somebody who starts a war or the president of the united states who influences the news. everybody likes pope francis, but he was not the latest in the news seek kill. it should have been snowden. not only did it reveal the unethical lengths they go to spy on their citizens, he looked at an alignment in american politics. we have privacy advocates and those who don't think a free society should feature a government who pokes their nose into private lives. let's call them freedom lovers. we have the usual big government on the left. the proponents of small government on the right and

now stand revealed as posers and fakes and reality have no problem with a central government exercising whatever power it feels like. let's call them sheep. i thanked ward snowden revealing the sheep in clothing. >> closed captioning got fired again.

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oh, hello, everybody. i'm greg gutfeld. it's 5:00, you knew that. the north pole is melting and it's your fault. which is why for christmas, green peace has bar offed out a video of santa looking like saddam trapped in a spider hole. this is not santa but a bad actor playing him. >> i've dreamed of bad tidings. for some time now, melting ice here