go to greta wire.com and vote. we will see you right here at 7:00 p.m. eastern, washington. good night. uh -- averto. are you about to enter the greg zone tonight on "red eye." coming up on "red eye" have government scientists helped you invent a burrito to help determine the lottery numbers? the story they don't want you to hear. and how serious is the white house about spending billions to create a working hover board? >> our position on this is clear from the beginning. we want it done. >> and finally is bubble soccer less boring than regular soccer? our panel debates the topic espn is too afraid to cover. none of these stories on "red eye" tonight. >> that looks interesting. let's welcome our guest. she is sharper than a switch

blade made of cheese. i am here with fox business network reporter sandra smith. aren't you delightful? after the show he is going home to do absolutely nothing, tv's andy levy. that is actually a fact. and his hair is considered a landing pad for drones. it is buck sexton, co-host of "real news" on blaze tv. and he is as funny as a dead mime being devoured by starving mimes. remi munasafi. >> a block, the lede. that's the first story. greg, do you have sunburn or are you always this hot? >> sometimes he is nice and then other times he is not nice. he keeps me on my toes, so to speak. are problems in bed putting us in the red? it is time once again for --

penis pumps, whatever they are, reportedly cost the government $172 million between the years 2006 and 20011. that's -- 2011. that's five years and that's a lot. it is true. a government watchdog report found medicare paid almost a half million claims for vacuum election systems. vacuum erection systems. it is a treatment for erectile dysfunction. worse, medicare shelled out twice as much as consumers over the internet paid for these devices. and a spokesperson said, quote, shouldn't we be focusing this program on real life saving treatment? you mean this isn't? and equipment to serve the health needs of seniors instead of subsidizing penis pump purchases? maybe they are life saving, good sir. here is a cat watching a penis pump in action.

>> that's every man's nightmare. stop staring at me, cat. i'm doing something. buck, welcome to the program. >> thank you, sir. >> $172 is that too much to pay for penis pumps or not enough? >> it gives new meaning to vacuuming up your junk. let's get that out of the way. >> i can actually say nobody was going to say that. it wasn't particularly funny or interesting, but go ahead. >> if you are going to overpay for something, let's be fair. this is like the sushi buffet concept. you don't want all you can eat sushi. if you are going to pay a lot for something, you want to pay more for a penis pump, am i right? >> it is not like you are getting a paper clip.

>> and i am bitter because my insurance won't cover antibiotics when my arm is going to fall off, but medicaid covers this? i have to get old fast. >> you are getting there. sandra, i know you are -- >> i am dreading this. >> no, here is the thing, you feel uncomfortable about discussing this topic and i understand. but you are a business person and you work for fbn. that means this is a business -- put on your business cap. look at the erection device or the penis pump as a widgit of some kind. why shouldn't medicare pay for the devices if they help people? >> i should be arguing that the government should beheld more accountable for the amount of the so-called devices that they are handing out. i will leave out the name of these. who wants to approach somebody and ask them or test their worthiness of such device? i think that could -- >> there are people. >> maybe the cat. i don't know. >> if you actually drive

around the senior centers in your shaggin wagon i would be happy to test that out. >> it is a public service, greg. >> remi, good to see you with your collar up. should the country be in debt so seniors can get erect? >> no, it is $172 million. i did some research. you never pay retail for a penis pump. there is always a coupon. it is like shopping at michaels. always a coupon. >> basically you would be all right with this if they had got a better price? >> well that is the first thing that stood out to me. if you are paying double for penis pumps -- i mean they should amazon these babies. don't you get emma's e-mails or is that something else? >> those aren't penis pumps. >> they do something down there. >> andy, i suppose being jewish that medicare is paying

twice as much for the penis pulps. penis pumps. >> we are having fun. you know when a story like this is so outrageous it makes me so angry. all we can do is just ask ourselves stupid questions. like andy. >> no, i think it is fair to say medicare is -- they have committed a big boner here -- this is what happens when you have programs that make it hard on taxpayers and they pay a stiff penalty. that's exactly what is going on here. they don't have competitive bidding for these. that's the problem. this is a completely serious answer. >> i was waiting for another horrible pun, but go ahead. 24r* is no competitive bidding. >> which is why they are paying twice as much as the veterans administration is for similar uh could you trough men. >> they should be getting penis pumps. >> this is depressing because

elderly guys are still worried about this. >> i think it is invigorating. >> shouldn't you just be like, i don't care anymore. >> with veterans it may not be a certain age. it could be a younger age. >> i am talking medicare people. >> i don't know if you can judge when we give up, andy. >> really? for me it was -- it was 24 months ago. >> and you have never been happier. >> i have a lot of free time now. >> i also get upset by the words flaccid and abuse. >> i am surprised at a table full of men you would even put a price on this device. wouldn't it be any price, the government paying for. it the health care company paying for it? wouldn't you be a fan if you got it working again? >> i did not realize these things worked. >> i have always heard they don't work. they work temporarily.

>> that's probably good though. >> we had this whole conversation and everybody has a visual on what this thing looks like. disturbing. >> none of us. it is just you, sandra. >> i need to take these out of my spam folder. >> spam folder, is that a weird euphemism for a body part? does his tweet signal our defeat? he seems happy with the nuclear deal -- iran seems happy with the nuclear deal they agreed to. it takes affect next we week and on tuesday the iranian president tweeted this, "the relationship with the world is based on the iranian mages' interest in geneva, agreement world power surrendered to iranian nation will." not sure i read that in exactly the right way. but basically he is saying rewooled -- he is saying we rolled over for iran. they will dump enriched your

uranium for sanction released from the u.s. and other countries. might he say it is not surprising to him nor should it be to you they described the agreement in a certain way for domestic audience? >> it is not surprising to us, nor should it be to you that the iranians are describing the agreement in a certain way for their domestic audience. they did the same thing following the greement of the -- the agreement of the joint plan of action and we expected they would do the same thing this time. >> i haven't seen a beard that bad since john travolta was dating lily tomlin. ladies and gentlemen, you remember that story. for analysis of this nuclear deal let's 2 live to this dog. that was a good joke.

>> forget that. i think my john travolta and lily tomlin joke was up there with some of the best jokes. remi, republicans already hated this deal. when the president of iran -- he is the president, right? i can't remember. when he is gloating on twitter, that has to prove to the republicans he was right, right? >> i don't think he sees it as a loss if he is out there tweeting that we surrendered. >> you should see what he put on facebook. oh, man. >> i think as often as they are doing an end zone dance and jay carney is like, when they say death to america, what they really mean is they want a long-standing comprehensive agreement. oh, psych, suckers! it couldn't get anymore obvious in our faces. obama promised flexibility and what he is showing is he will bend over in some of these stuff. >> i feel like we have cried

about a lot of things and maybe they didn't work. i am open to trying different things. >> are you iranian? >> no. >> get the hell out of here. >> these israelis are open to trying something different. they have fueling their jets. >> on a serious note, why wouldn't the iranian president feel he could taunt us on twitter? we have in in fighting going on, congress yelling for more sanctions and the white house and john kerry say don't do that, it is going to ruin our negotiating power. there is a huge opportunity for other world powers to mock us. this was another weird mental image for me. picturing the iranian president sitting at his computer tweeting, right? that's a weird -- >> he may have somebody tweeting for him. >> it was in english and he used the w slash for wit. i'm going to assume that t was not him. >> he threw in hash tag death

to america. >> go ahead and defend your hero. >> i actually think -- not that he is my hero, i think jay carney is right here. it doesn't matter what rouhani tweets. he is tweeting and that's what they do. the only thing that matters is whether the deal is a step toward iran moving away from developing nuclear weapons. sure, it is easy to say there is absolutely no reason to trust the iranian government and any deal is fool hearty and naive. there is a back story and that this guy's greatest resume bullet before he was like, what's up, america, you got fooled? it is to say what's up america, you got fooled in the last negotiations. it is like bush, fool me once and fool me twice. >> the penis pump was fun. our leaders never, ever say crazy [bleep]. i think it is time -- why can't we be more like iran?

why can't we be more chaotic? why can't there be films of our people in the streets screaming and yelling? imagine if you had a successful western country with everything in the world, but also had a badass leader. >> we had reagan. >> that's what we want. >> reagan is like what's up, tyrants? do what we say or else. >> we can be as crazy as you can be. somebody has to do that. you need that after obama because obama has been too calm. you need somebody crazy. i don't know who. >> ron paul. >> rand paul. this is paul. >> we should declare them a promise zone. we'll see what happens. it is not a sin for her to pin. the federal judge has ruled a seventh grade girl can join her school's boy wrestling team. despite objections from the district. and nature. the lion mountain school district claims by keeping

little adrianna beatty off the team it protects her from physical and psychological risk and preventing sexual contact between her and the boys. the judge said the district failed to justify claims and gave an injunction allowing her to be part of the team while the case proceeds. cat roof wrestling remains unsanctioned. >> don't wrestle on a roof. that's the lesson we learned from the cats. you don't wrestle on a roof. just so you know that was not at remi spencer's house. a little throw back to last night's episode. remi said she didn't like cats. sandra, are you a former jock. what do you think? should little adrianna be

allowed to wrestle with the boys? >> there is a two-part answer to this. yes, let her do it. it will be over faster than if they fight her from being on the team. this happened at my high school. i saw a girl go through this. i don't think her parents did her any favors by letting her do this. let's be clear. there are boy parts and girl parts and wrestling involves grabbing those parts. there is no quality in this. >> there is no equality. >> buck, she has a point. at a certain point nature and wrestling don't jive. >> i think it is important they not allow this and here is why. just imagine you are the poor, wimpy guy who happens to get your butt handed to you by this girl. kudos to the girl and i'm sure she can take down some of the guys in the class, but you will be the wedgy master for the next five or six years of your life, no question about. it rut tabi that was pinned by a girl in a bad way?

think about that. >> and you know what happens? you can only buy a used station wagon and call it the shaggin wagon. >> what is worse, now imagine this -- well maybe not worse, remi, but say if you have to wrestle a girl, you are not going to win on purpose because it is going to reflect badly on you to beat up a girl. basically you are beating up a empyreal. if you lose you are going to walk around and say i let her lose because you don't want to be seen as somebody who lost to a girl. for boys it is a lose, lose, lose proposition. >> when i lose i will say it is on purpose. i will absolutely say that. the point resonates with me. if she can compete, great. but why would she want to?i knoo ride the metro because of groping perverts on crowded cars. once they hear that wrestling they can wrestle girls -- >> she does want to. >> once the perverts find

out. >> the perverts will -- a 50-year-old man will try to go to high school wrestling. he will shave his entire body and say i am 12. >> remember why the girls keep doing this. it is because there are no girls wrestling teams. >> is that really true? >> no. i think it would be awkward if girls were wrestling girls, right? >> i can't get comfortable with the female nsa stuff. >> they are punching each other. andy, you love that stuff. >> it is fantastic. >> and the boys are going all right. >> i don't know. it sounds like the school actually made some weak arguments and that's basically what the judge said. the school made overgeneralized arguments and the judge said that's not going to cut it. i'm letting this go until it goes to actual trial. i think that is really all that happened here. i feel bad for the school

district and i think they are trying to do the right thing here, but the judge basically said you are not doing -- you need to do better. >> it is like one of those scenes out of the good wife. you are not wrong, but you have to do a better job. you do watch a lot of tv. >> a lot of your conclusions come from tv shows. >> mostly "l.a. law." >> that was like going to law school. >> i am a little behind. >> you are a big behind. coming up, the winter olympics in february on another network. first, what is so remarkable about it tortoise? the story hannity refuses to cover.

has she laid bear a system unfair? beyonce says women are oppressed and we are anywhere near gender equality and it is a myth we need to stop buying into. the pop singer wrote in a post , quote, today women make up half of the u.s. workforce, but the average working woman earns only 77% of what the average working man makes. she then added humanity requires both men and women and we are equally important and need one another, so why are we viewed as less than equal? these old attitudes are drilled into us from the very beginning. we have to steep our boys the -- teach our boys the rules of equality and respect. typical chick. let's go live to "red eye" women's esh yous correspondent. issues correspondent.

>> have i no idea what that -- i have no idea what that was. i think we will have to blur some of those mannequins. that was just strange. that has thrown me into a deep casm of chaos. >> can we go to break? >> we have to shutdown for an hour. sandra, you claim to be a woman and i don't doubt that. has she made points? >> it was very hard to see you reading those quotes and watching her stand there about her chest hanging out of that dress. that is really fighting for equality. listen, the number of women going to school and graduating from college surpassed men in the 70s. we are graduating from college than -- in larger number than mens and we are in the workforce more than men. i am one that does president believe it -- doesn't believe

it helps to pointh these out. she is using statistics that were proven wrong. president obama used it in the last election. the 77 cents on every dollar a man makes. that is false. >> everything he says is true. >> anyway, pointing it out makes the problem worse. yes, i still think we need bigger strides, but let's do it on our own merit. >> andy, you were shaking your head over that a statistic. >> it is accurate. >> how? >> at the present time 10 census -- 2010 census figures show 77 cents of what women make and president obama added men doing the same work. that's not true. the work is different. if you take the qualifier art, the statistic -- beyonce -- >> that's an important qualifier. astro phiz swraw swrises should make more than the guy who cleans up at the zoo. >> as beyonce said as with everything be yawn swrai -- beyonce says is absolutely ect correct.

and women do make less than men in the same fields. it is not just 77 cents on the dollar. >> they also leave. >> even with factors like hours worked and length of time on-the-job there is still an unexplained gap of 9 cents. >> i just want to dance, greg. for example my dancing around on stage doing what i do and it is funky, i am not going to get paid as much as beyonce. >> i am not so sure. >> there is a gender bias in which beyonce is is much more marketable because her moves are better than mine. that's garbage, but i admit men and women are different and the buck hustle doesn't get as much views as the beyonce shuffle. >> you should have been born 25 years ago. you would have been a great villain in an abc college drama. >> i have been told that before. >> even your name, buck sexton. you should have gotten into

the tv version of "animal house." you could have been the guy that says, hey, you guys, you need to get out of there. >> i was told i was the last guy on the cobra kais. yeah, get him. >> i think i know what he means. >> what are your thoughts? is she talking to all -- is she talking about men looking at women as less than equal? could she be referring to hip hop culture? is that what shy -- she is getting at? >> it is this thing that other people have written and coincidentally how you make it in pop music. there is a parallel. sounds like everyone here can agree that it might technically be true, but it is a lot more nuanced than that. >> i think what is happening is she just had a baby girl. she is speaking out and she wants to carve the way --

>> she doesn't have to worry about going back to work like you did. >> we should give her a pass because jay-z is all about women's rights. >> 98 problems -- 98 problems and a woman with a phd is not one. >> bite your tongue, but men die younger. why do men die younger? they take more risks. we do jobs in which we die. let's talk about inequality. >> greg, greg, now you are opening a whole other door here. bottom line women are better at men than just about everything on the planet and better negotiators and problem solvers. it has been proven in ivy league study after ivy league study. this will take a little time. >> i like her so i agree. >> nothing beyonce said was wrong. coming up, the c block. tonight's c block is sponsored by combine. the power operated machines

-- >> love it. midwest girl here. >> that's great. thanks, combine. you're welcome, greg. i would like to harvest you. that's weird. no you're weird. this isn't the time or place. no, you're not the time or place. >> that doesn't make sense. >> do you have any cocaine? >> all he ever wants from me. first he makes compliments and then asks for coke. i give it to him because i am stupid. what is up with justin bieber? according to reports, not nothing.

all right, let's get to it. it is day 649 of -- i'm thinking of changing the name of the show to unrest. >> i like. it. >> it is a good idea. that's all we do. it is 3:00 in the morning and you don't rest and we cover stuff like that. i think it is a great idea. remi, they arrested a dude for cocaine. he was holding on to bieber's coke, right? oh [bleep]. i have to read the story. the los angeles sheriff's department searched justin bieber's home tuesday morning after he was labeled a suspect in an egg tossing vandalism case. the incident has been classified as a felony because homeowner, justin's neighbor

valued the damage in the amount of $20,000. look how big that house is. officials discussed what they found. >> we collected evidence related to that crime. mr. bieber was present. he was cooperative. he was not arrested. there was another arrest for felony narcotics violation unrelated to this investigation. that was not mr. bieber. >> the man arrested was one of bieber's houseguests. he was taken away after investigators found cocaine in plain view during the raid. remi, now i can go to the question. this guy was arrested holding cocaine. usually if you are a celebrity the guy arrested with the coke is holding it for you. that's my theory. >> it could be true. it is at his house, right? >> yes. >> i don't know how 11 squad cars or patrol cars went to bust this up. apparently there are no murders going on in california ever. >> slow day. >> this just gets sadder and sadder. i feel like this is how "home

alone" -- this would be" home alone" if kevin's parents never came home. it is adorable at first and the kid is like 19. >> i disagree and i think it is getting better and better. >> bieber is innocent. i know bieber is innocent. you know why? he throws like a girl. he couldn't get more than 10 yards with the egg. no offense to the ladies. but he couldn't get it more than 10 yards. no way he could get it in the next yard. and the drugs were totally planted. if they did a real raid they would find count choc lo a and harry potter pajamas. that's justin bieber for you. >> he does a lot of drugs i think. he is hanging out with a bad crowd. sandra, are you disappointed in bieber? you are a big fan. >> yeah, no, i'm not. when he peaked in the bucket -- when he peed in the bucket in the restaurant that was the end. he is constantly hanging out with this bad crowd. justin biebe years

old. i wonder if you were put in the same position you were living in that house and you had multiple fancy cars and girls flocking to you, would you be able to behave well? >> i would behave very well. he is 19. i know he should start acting like an adult, but it has to be difficult i have to imagine. >> you get everything you want and nobody tells you no. >> right. and serena gomez lends him credibility. >> celine ?aw? >> selena gomez. she is put together and hanging on and i wonder if there is a decent side to the guy. am i defending justin bieber? >> the house, let's talk about the house. it has a trampoline. >> love that house. >> i don't trust people with trampolines. >> it is the weakest trampoline. it has the netting. >> i hate trampolines. >> and there is a halfpipe. >> it is all fun and games until your drunk friend forgets the attachment and the leg is stuck in and the

ambulance is coming. >> why were the cops raiding the house? i don't understand. he threw eggs. if they find eggs he is innocent because he didn't throw them, they are there. if they don't find eggs he is guilty because he threw them. >> doesn't everybody have eggs? >> you have to find the egg back to the point of origin. >> tmz thinks the drug was not coke and it was mdna or molly. free lil-za. that's his friend. it was found out in the open in bieber's house and how is that his fault? >> lauren sivan tweeted how funny it was that they went to dump the eggs and left the coke out in the open. >> they were making omelettes. >> could somebody create an omelette station? i can't just cook an omelette. i have a real issue with omelette stations.

you don't need a station. >> you don't need an omelette. >> you don't, except omelettes look kind of cool. i like a good fritada. >> i like the scrambled. >> scramble is a fantastic thing, but you have to spend 10 minutes explaining it to somebody. >> it is a badly made omelette. >> no, it's not because it has a certain moisture to it that is missing in a badly done omelette. how dare you? >> this was in calabasas and apparently the neighbor was not just furious, but it wasn't just egg whites. >> the principal of a new york city school forced fifth graders to attend a bizarre party dressed as brides and grooms. according to the new york post owned by our parent company, ihop, for the past three years they made parents cough up $110 per child are to the prom in which girls wear wedding-type dresses and boys rent tuxedos with tails. the school was dubbed the

school of no us because it has no gym or art classes, textbooks, none for the core curriculum as mandated by the state. this is not a good school, remi. but having kids in tuxedos are adorable, so it is a tough call. >> it is really cute. i am a fan of that coat. i would like a coat like that. where do you get it? it is really sad. when you read the article and see these kids might not even learn how to read. we know how that correlates with graduation rates and graduation rates correlate with incarceration. it is sad. >> it is sad, but at the same time it is adorable having a little prom. >> nothing adorable about it. these kids are under privileged and get free lunch and free breakfast and many live below the poverty line. this principal has mental

issues. shy shows up in a fur coat, late if at all. apparently she is absent a lot. >> every day of school but one. >> i am thinking she has a fantasy she is trying to live out. either she never got married and had a horrible wedding circumstance. every year she shows up in a fabulous gown. she is living out some sort of fantasy for herself and this is the way she is orchestrating it. >> buck she made $128,000 a year and apparently she missed every day of school but one. it is almost uh strucken and admirable. >> i won't lie. i don't care much about the kids in the story. i want to know how i get -- i love kids. i'm just kidding. $a $128,000 a year no show teaching job? find me that job so i can move to new york city where my roommates are not furry creatures. find me that $128,000 no show keeping job? you are off on six months of the year anyway.

>> it is incredible. what does she do for summer vacation? she doesn't go to school. >> got it backwards. why are people piling on this poor woman and trying to instill a little fun and grace into the kids' lives. weddings are fun. >> let me tell you where this story will go. no textbooks, no all of that other stuff. apparently the kids watch movies all day. last week they watched "fat albert,"" monsters inc." and " chip mopings." all of this money is probably going somewhere and that is probably straight to her. i have absolutely no evidence for any of this. but i am guessing this will end up not only does she not go to work, but pocketing a lot of taxpayer money that is supposed to go to these kids. >> the parents are getting

screwed by corruption. it is protected by the government. >> the only way to fix it is to shovel much more money into the school system. trillions of dollars to make it better. >> i think you convinced me. >> we have to take a break. don't think of leaving me now. why would you? you love me. not cool. there it is. it is coming out in march. pre order it. did you just swoon? >> sandra swooned over the cover. it is the floating head cover. the floating head cover as pioneered by greg gutfeld and the kiss solo albums. anywhere else? maybe the french revolution.

they want to ban the niners fan. yeah, it is time again for -- >> i love the map of seattle.

>> what is that? >> money goal yaw or something -- mongolia or something. >> i have no clue. this is how we get new graphics. we tell them we are doing a story. seahawks will face-off against my beloved san francisco 49ers in next sunday's nfc championship game in seattle. not everyone can go. the team announced tickets will be available to fans with a billing address in washington, oregon, montana, idaho, alaska, hawaii, canadian provinces of british columbia and alberta. in other words, if you are from the city by the bay, stay away. anyway, a similar thing is happening in denver. the broncos who will play the patriots and are only selling tickets to people named rocky. actually, people living in the rocky mountain region which i am told doesn't include new england. sports store. sports story.

where do i start? wow, sandra. >> probably with the girl, right? >> you are probably more sport ethan anybody. >> no, i was just going to say because i am a girl i am not equal to you men. if anyone is tuning in i am referencing an earlier segment. i am not really meaning this. clarify for me. is this because the 49er fans happen to be a little bit different? >> i don't know. >> or is this just to keep out the crowd and try to create -- >> they are letting all of these other people in except the fans. i think they are worried about violence or cheap wine. >> so it is a violence thing. interesting strategy. i think it sucks for the fans. >> it does. buck you seem purterbed or drugged. >> both. i am purterbed because i blame this on president obama and here is y. it is the national football league. they were of onerring tech cets to canadians -- were

offering tickets to canadians ahead of the bay area. what sort of marxist plot that the national football league is going north of the border to canadians? clearly he is trying to get with the queen of england and i am done. >> what about thechem trails and the fluoride in the water, what is going? >> do you have mercury fillings? >> i have mercury feelings. >> have i freddy mercury feelings. >> who doesn't? if he had dental work he would be great. god rest his soul. smart, petty? smetty? >> i it may be smetty. it is smart. i like it. it is a free country. they can do this. other teams have done it to keep their fans in the stadium. you are free to keep people out. the jaguars for a good portion of the season it appeared they

didn't let their offensive line in the stadium. >> wait a second. if you can get players from other parts of the country on your team this sounds bigoted. our quarterback is not from san francisco. he's from somewhere else. that's wrong. that is wrong, andy. >> this is not wrong at all. >> because it is in the constitution? >> absolutely. >> demand an apology? >> i think the leaks from snowden show that -- no. i think the reason i think this is smart is it is a good way to make it easier for the hometown fans to get tickets. >> really? >> why do they let everybody else tickets? >> because it is the region. i get that. washington state team, if they are fans in canada that's the closest team. i don't understand letting hawaii ans.

that makes no sense. >> and how do you deal with the hawaii an currency? >> passport situation. that's a nightmare. the only time it is embarrassing if one of the teams fail to sell out. oh, now it is okay for california. >> you know what, i hate sports stories. coming up, a very special tortoise.

>> e block. that's the last story. >> all right, he took his shell and left for a spell. a giant tortoise, seen here, went missing for a year has been reunited with his family in arizona, as if he knows. oh, i am back in arizona. 18-year-old sampson escaped from his owner's yard in november of 2012 and wandered around for six months before somebody found him about 30 miles away high on meth. no. he spent the next six months in a foster home before an on-line posting and a microchip in his leg lead to his return. while sampson was gone he traveled far and wide as these photographs reveal.

>> wow, i don't know what is more impressive? he can surf or time traveled. and i would like to thank the nirvana tribute band for providing us with that. it truly was co-painful. all right of the. >> please come to me first. >> sandra. do you think he was planning these us scape? >> i don't think so. i happen to speak turtle.

you talked about how i was a joke, but i was also very much a tom boy as a kid and my first pet was a turtle. i was obsessed. his name was turd. i adore turtles. it is like looking at a dinosaur, but living today. i truly believe there was a bond with this family. i don't believe the turtle ran away. i think he loves the family. i am glad they were reunited. >> you named your pet turd? >> yes, turd. >> quickly, remi, he is 18 and wanted to see the world. maybe it was time for him to go. >> maybe. i am just looking -- i didn't know you could own tortoises. i always wanted to ride the for to us. >> how do you lose something that moves .2 miles an hour. that's the obvious question. how happy was this family when they found him. oh, whatever your name is.

>> it has been tbon for an hour and how big of a perimeter do you have to put up. moves two feet in every direction. >> they float down rivers and things like that. >> he made it 30 miles. that's more than you traveled in the past decade. >> let me explain this one. they have 18 tortoises and 36 peacocks and six chickens and al paw caw snakes -- alpaca snakes. this tortoise just wanted alone time. you would you shut up. it is like a ma nag re. >> turtles should be traveling more. they are a mobile home. if i was a turtle i would be all over the place. >> especially if you could float. >> they are great floating. >> you could surf on a turtle. >> you could do a lot of things with turtles. >> you want to do a lot of weird things with turtles. >> tortoises. >> what is the difference? >> tortoises are bigger.

they live livelonger. >> i think turtles go in water, but i could be making that up. >> i don't want to be a turtle and nor do i want to sleep with one. that's disgusting, america. good night. a tap away on the geico app. could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. everybody knows that. well, did you know that when a tree falls in the forest and no one's around, it does make a sound? ohhh...ugh. geico. little help here.

i'm eric bolling along with kimberly guilfoyle, juan williams, and greg gutfield. it's 5:00 in new york city. this is "the five." we have a huge show for you tonight, including lone survivor, the blockbuster film depicting the firefight that killed three navy s.e.a.l.s that detractors claim is just war propaganda, and the heart-tugging reaction from a mom of one of those killed in action s.e.a.l.s and a former medal of honor recipient. first, a story you'll only see on fox. last night, fox's james rosen broke the news that president obama, the white house, and many obama senior advisers knew within minutes that the attack