we want to hear from you good night and see you tomorrow night right here good night from washington. tonight on "red eye." >> coming up on "red eye," is this band of innocent looking mier cats taking over headquarters? we pick up where "special report" left off. and does the president think the olympics are a dumb idea? >> probably nothing has done more damage to america's credibility in the world than the spectacle that we have seen these past several weeks. >> and finally, paper towels, do they really absorb as much liquid as you think? we will settle it in an unit interrupted debate. >> let's welcome our guest. she hates pickles, but loves cucumbers. i am here with joanne and i

did not write that. jay i wrote it. -- >> i wrote it. >> i have no idea what it means. he is the former chief of staff to president ronald reagan, andy levy. i had month idea. very quiet and behind the scenes. he makes us laugh while hating white people, sherrod small. >> hash tag red eye. who loves you baby? >> and she is so sharp that knives call her for tips. it is fox news national security analyst kt mcfarland. >> a block. the lede. that's the first story. a lot of people say you are dark and handsome, greg which is short of true. when it is dark, you are handsome. >> we will try and get through this without joanne burping. >> i'm sorry. >> we are staring down a shortage of clown. it is day 46 of --

>> it is happening just as i predicted, only months ago. we are facing a national clown shortage. the new york daily news reports membership at the country's largest trade organization for the jesters has plummeted in the last 10 years. explained the president of clowns of america international or cai, what is happening is the older clowns are passing away, end quote. as the dead drop the young scoff. the younger generation is not interested in filling their floppy shoes lamented the president of new york clown alley, yes, that one. american kids these days are thinking about different careers altogether. it was a career. they are thinking of anything other than clowning. that's bad news for america. let's look at some of our favorite clowns past and present.

♪ >> that was supposed to end with president obama. i'm disappointed in our editing abilities. sherrod, is this the end of clowns? >> are we talking about clowns or not just dudes that cut me off on the west side highway? >> clowns. >> i think they can do more than being a clown now. they have more as -- as spur rations, if you will. i think "modern family" ruined it. he was a full team clown and now he won an emmy on an actor. >> i had no idea why he was

an -- he was an actual clown. >> i did the research. >> not many people know this, but you considered a career in clowning. why did you decide to hang up your floppy shoes? >> i got a degree and that was more opportunity than being a clown. >> do you ever regret it? >> it was back when we won the cold war. all of my pals, there was nothing left to talk about. maybe it would have come in handy. >> are you worried? >> i am concerned if this is a clown issue or a labor union issue? are there clowns who are members of a union or is this a trend where people can be clowns and have to be members of a union? >> is it a union or a little car they all climbed into? >> well the cars come smaller.

>> i think that was always an issue i could not understand. why do they have to drive in a tiny car when clearly there were other cars around. why does your generation refuse to take an interest in clowns the way say my generation did? >> i think it is because half of the millenials are terrified of clowns and the other half have a fetish with clowns. no one wants to be the clown. also we have to pay off loans and lots of other expenses. this career just really does president off -- doesn't offer a big paycheck. >> no woman would date a clown. >> the worst groupies. out of all of the careers, they have the worst groupies. >> i want to be the one wearing the worst make up in the couple. >> you don't want thicker thighs. >> you said it. nail on the head. >> no wonder neither of you dated andy.

his thighs are the size of pyramids. >> and shape. >> not that i would know that. do we need clowns? we have netflix and other things . >> that's a clown question, bro. anyone who watches c-span knows we don't have a clown shortage. they may not bewaring the make up or the costumes, but they are sout there. pop culture killed the clown industry. growing up it was bozo the clown. he was friendly and kids loved them. and then the clowns were evil and terrifying. the doll from "poltergeist" and killer clowns from out of space and" it" and robin williams as patch adams and they were terrifying. and you had pogo the clown going to parties and killing people. no wonder nobody wants to be a clown anymore. >> what about ronald mcdonald? what about crusty? those are clowns you like.

you like crusty the clown, right? he is a drinker a smoker? >> how can you defend clowns when there are so few black clowns? >> how dare you? that's where the obama joke could have come. we have black clowns, but they are not big. i know a couple of black clowns like black-o. he was a wonderful clown. he would jump around and he had a lasso. >> i think that may have been irkle. >> he was dating my aunt. >> there was homie the clown. >> he was violent. he was on "in living color." clowns got a bad rap the last couple years. >> and i will say before we move on is that clowns really are a test meant to how bad entertainment was when we were younger, and even before that. when life was nasty, brew tish and short, clowns were your relief.

what does that say about life back then? and then we started inventing entertainment. we don't need this overweight weird man who smells of bourbon in my house playing with my kids. >> that was your uncle. what is going on here? >> i think we learned a available lesson. nobody cares of the clowns except me. >> do men of the left lack masculine heft? women prefer conservative men. not only do 82% of the loaded ladies like the side of the right, but democrats did too. interesting. their reasons, quote, i want to be with a man who is ambitious and liberal men are not ambitious. they plan for the future and are in it for the long run. shut. liberal men are less masculine and greg gutfeld eats too mop chinese food. i believe we have side by

sides of liberals and conservatives who may help explain the result of the survey. here is an example. there is another one. that's mobey. there is chuck norris versus lady gaga. and clint eastwood and janeen go rave pho low. go raw pho low. that's all i needed. wow, that was bad. do you think liberal men are less masculine or a bias study that "red eye" reports because it validates my assumption? >> i think there is something to it. it is a stunning statistic. less than 10% of women prefer liberal men. that's not a statistical error. you think of a man. they are the wealthy guy who has any woman he can have. what does he want? the cute bimbo.

high doesn't care what she thinks. in fact, he thinks she shouldn't think. she wants a guy that will protect her and take care of her. men are from mars and women are from venus. >> i have never heard that before. did you coin that some. >> did you ever watch "the good wife"? >> do i? >> she is the alpha female on that show and who does she choose to mary re? the sarah palin guy. the guy with the guns and he is tough. >> that is a tv show though. >> somebody wrote it that way. >> i wouldn't use that in a court of law. >> i think it proves a point. >> there is one thing i know. conservative women, liberal women, they all want the same thing, a black man.

deal with it. don't look away. i am talking to you. i will be conservative on that night. you will want me to be a little more liberal when it comes down to it. >> you may want to date a liberal guy, but you want to marry a conservative. i can tell you from three years experience. >> touche. i will leave that night. >> there was a lot of stuff in the apartment. >> a couple of things. but you will hear about that in the exit poll. >> joanne, one woman said con sowf tiff men are real men -- conservative men are real men and wear the pants and treat you like a lady. do you agree with that a? >> yeah. as men age their political views tend to shift as well. >> labido? >> man, that too, but there are pills for that. >> thank the lord. >> sleeping pills. >> i turn on my sound videos.

>> as they get older they abandon the liberal ideals. you think about the 1% and occupy wall street. i don't want to marry someone like that. i want somebody who will take me out to a nice dinner and put a ring on it. >> if he owns a tent, it better be for adventure camping and not because he is out in front of a bank. >> maybe he is a poet and he is trying to change society. you can't share a can of pork and beans in front of wall street? >> you know that is a scam. they say they are the poet to get the woman without having to pay. >> so i shouldn't trust the dude under the tree with the uh could you cities guitar? uh couldacoustic guitar? >> "time" magazine found out liberals prefer cats. that jives with this, right?

>> does it? i don't understand why. >> i put the stories together for that reason. a man who likes cats might probably be more liberal because he doesn't have the wherewith all to take care of a dog. cat food is cheaper. >> cats are cheaper. i like one of the people who does the survey. but this whole entire survey was dumb for a lot of reasons. first of all it didn't account for libertarians. since libertarians don't have a clear play, blah, blah, blah, don't frame it on the liberal conservative spectrum. in the 1980s when you said were you a libertarian they said what is that? that's not the case anymore. people we accept now that not everyone is a liberal or con sigh tiff and add -- conservative and add it to your quiz. he does say felines are the most libertarian of all animals. >> i knew he would defend the cat. >> he said feline rtz most

libertarian of all animals. >> i think we will exit on that one. should what is in your shorts make a difference in sports? a male california high school student, very attractive, is joining the girls softball team after coming to identify as female. pat cordova goff played as a freshman and is phiz phiz -- phiz yow logically a boy. but there is a law that says each student has access to sports teams that are consistent with his or her gender identity. meanwhile, this chick is trying to join the boys' treadmill team.

>> he is running because he is afraid of being sucked under the treadmill. >> he will go under and keep coming around like that. >> sherrod, it may be fair to pat and i am glad the name is pat. >> that was the dude? >> without having the surming re -- surgery attractive female. >> eddie murphy will pick it up. >> that's a broad statement and no publicken tended. public -- pun intended. males have more body mass than women. is that fair? >> when you go up against a venus williams sister say that. i mean, come on. they are even matched. you have to let them play it out. high school kid and have to let him play. just let him play. he can't stay in high school forever, right?

>> that's true. well, you did. >> that's different. i had a problem with the science teacher. >> the science teacher had a problem with you. >> i was smoking with the bunson burner. boom! >> play softball, not play softball? >> i just can't believe we have gotten to the point where that is a big issue. high school used to be an easy thing. you are either on the team or not on the team. >> maybe for someone leak you, kt, who has no confusion in her life. there is probably something to that. the fact that we are making it into such a big deal, it is not good for that person. >> you know what, it is great for "red eye." >> for sure. >> then we do the story. joanne, what could stop me from doing the same thing other than having no coordination? >> all of the above. i think it is great she hasn't

felt ostracized by her peers or any of the sports teams so she is going out for this team. after playing baseball your freshman year, the fact that you are still so open to it and willing to participate knowing you are going to get so much backlash from people who don't understand that's great. as far as the whole having the male muscles and the more power on the team, some people argued that if she is taking hormones, then that might not be the case. she said she can't even afford make up or these things to really transition into being female. i don't know if that's the case so that's where it gets tricky. >> she is going to become popular and then here comes the prom and then she gets, what, king, queen? >> let's talk about this. she made history last year and she was the first openly transgender student to be elected to the homecoming court. but she lost the homecoming queen vote. >> she voted against herself. she is like i'm not a she.

i am a something else. >> she is also the student body president. >> i have a feeling pat is running for too many things. >> spreading herself to thin. >> exactly. i find that to be the real problem. by the way, if pat were 6 foot 2 and 220 pounds would it be as -- because pat is actually smaller, right? >> however in this article what was it? strapping, broad shouldered? i hate this article of who ever wrote it. that's the most offensive thing. you are limiting this girl. you are shoving her right back in that male hole. >> whoa, whoa. >> interesting. >> i know what hole that is. >> there is one troubling part of the story. sources told the san gabriel valley tribune she wasn't going to make the varsity team, and they didn't post who was making the team when they were supposed to. they said after the coach met with the lawyer they added her to the varsity squad.

i think if she meets the qualifications she should be allowed to play, but not jumped up if she doesn't have the skills. >> i don't know what to believe. but i know we are running out of time. enough out of you, joanne. stop burping. rocking chairs are they safety seats or built at the hands of satan. first, is doing porn cool if it pays for school? or does the girl from duke deserve a rebuke? this story along with more rhymes after the break.

did she deserve scorn for doing porn? a freshman at duke university has been outed as an adult actress.

lauer, not -- lauren, not her real name, said she did the spread and enjoyed adult entertainment. she admitted it to him and begged to keep it quiet. after he told all of his frat bros. lauren who identifies as the libertarian says he began working in the industry to pay going to duke. i wish i could just do porn and pay for my college and not get [whreep -- get] bleep [pr anally levey. >> that's why i will no longer make donkey videos because of the persecution. we have one of her videos and it is very graphic.

>> that was amazing. although, i don't know how long it took for them to figure that out. joanne, she said she felt more degraded waiting tables than doing porn. >> i have never done porn so i can never look at the two realistically. it can be degrading serving tables. but have i my clothes on. that's better. i think she is being resourceful. she is hard working. she is honest about it. what's the problem? she says she doesn't want to get [bleep] on this, she is a sociology major. what does she expect? there is a stigma on porn. you are on duke's campus and there are frat bros. >> we mentioned the big story. this is the one girl who finally when she said i am

doing it for school she was. you know how many ladies of the night who say i am doing this for school money? sure you are pumpkin. >> i'm glad you cited it. >> the one girl who ever actually used the money to go better herself. good for her. >> they said everyone that she is a dental hygenist is not what shocked me. this is obama's fault, correct? >> i think the big story everyone is missing is how expensive college is. 20 years ago you could go -- when i went to college i could get a part-time job as a secretary and could take student loans and work in the school library and i could pay for college. i had student loans and could get a job after and payoff the student loans. now this girl is looking at a

quarter million dollars a year for a four-year education. she will never pay back the college loans. >> she can now play secretaries secretaries secretaries secretaries and librarians. >> you are missing the point. >> the point is tuition screws students and now students have to screw to pay the tuition. >> boom. >> all right, andy. let's hear how em pathetic you are and how progressive you are and how great this is and how we are porn shamers. >> you know i do charity work with college freshmen. my advice for this young woman is stay strong, sister. as a feminist i support a woman's right to choose what to do with her body. she may end up regretting it as she gets older. there is an unfair stigma on those who work in the porn industry and it may hurt her

when she tries to get a job. can we agree the creep is the guy who promised not to tell anyone and he told his frat boys? >> apparently he commented on line saying i am going to "f" her. who wants to "f" a girl in porn? >> does she think college men don't watch porn? was that a shock to her? >> i am not so sure there is something wrong with the stigma when you talk to so many people who get out of porn and punish they had gotten out sooner. somebody could have said, lady, this is going to be bad for you later in life. >> it is like an orgy. if you are having an orgy you always say i should have left five minutes earlier, but i got greedy. >> i have never been in that situation. >> as an older woman, i have to tell you, of what you do in your life, you want to have it be something you can have your children view with you at some point. this woman may have a problem later.

>> what a grown woman does with another grown woman and a man and a cow is their business. >> it is their business, you are absolutely right. but it is also -- if you want to judge somebody i think you can judge somebody. sometimes judging somebody may help them later in life. if you say you want to have kids and by the way at 40 you will not have this job anymore. porn uses women like that. >> or she can just marry charlie sheen. >> and that will last. >> or she can become a director. >> you are certainly the progressive. >> why does charlie sheen need a prenup? that prostitute will be dead before she can collect. >> go to the dead porn star's website and you are not kidding. they don't livelong. they don't last. they get high and od or dye horribly. >> i know the genre.

>> that was your name for awhile, genre. >> it worked. >> it did. coming up, "the five" in 14 hours but first, is hollywood no longer the mecca for movies and what does this mean for models, slash actresses slash caterers.

will a name only bring pain? a kuwaiti man, i think that's the one on the left, is getting crap for naming his son after george h.w. bush to thank the president for stepping in when he did in 1990. he explained, quote, this is the least i can do for his efforts to liberate kuwait and save us. naturally it has got some less than positive feedback. wrote one, this is the top of mental backwardness. that is going to leave a bruise in the twitter sphere. i will go to you because this is the political story. does he have a right to do this? the man saved his country. >> i was at a dinner with president george h.w. bush and with barbara and a man came

over and bent down and kissed president bush's hand. he said thank you. i would not have been here today and my family would have been slaughtered. >> that's a great story. >> that's what i do, a clown. >> the fact is, joanne, he is like their george washington. not really, but that country would be destroyed. >> i understand to feel endebted for that, but to name your child that exact name? george h.w. bush? >> that is going a little far. >> the fall of the iron curtain people in poland a and the czech republic and hungary and russia would name their kids ronald reagan. >> do you think they uh appreciate it? >> i like it. you know why? he named his kid after george

h.w. bush. it could be worse by one letter. dubbya. >> i saw that one coming. >> we know nobody remembers history. >> what if everyone was named after another person? >> like margaret thatcher? that would be cool. >> i am naming my first daughter margaret thatcher. >> are you? >> no. >> it is like the show on abc called "the neighbors" and the aliens took names like larry bird. it is other people called by other people's names. >> andy, what famous name could you give your child if you decided to pro create. it would have the same effect in the united states. i am thinking jack efron. >> i am thinking not greg gutfeld. >> i helped your career, young

man. >> you would say hi, i am not greg gutfeld and they would be happy. back to your point, there was one furious commenter who said a kuwaiti man named his son after george w. bush. >> i will call myself oj. >> that name i'm sure is probably rare. >> orenthall. it sounds like an ointment. >> or a cough drop. >> it is a name no one uses anymore. >> i don't think they used that before either. >> neb -- nobody used it. >> how about people who name their kids jefferson, washington or or lincoln? >> when i have a kid i will name him clive owen. just because it will be fun when i spank him to call out clive owen. i never had that opportunity

because he never returned my calls or letters air e-mails. he is not on my good list right now. >> i wonted -- wouldn't give him anymore than seven responses. >> cut him off. >> next topic, a text use at the university of south carolina paints ronald regan as a sexist who failed to appoint many to power of his presidency. the unfavorable portrait and introduction to social work and social welfare does not jive with the gipper's record. the book failed to mention that regan appointed sandra de o'connor. a mistake, i might add. and the first female ambassador to the u.n and then also he was instrumental in getting henson to play for the rockford peaches . a little "league of their own"

fact i came up with. >> i was one of those women. >> exactly. i bet you want to pufn this textbook in the face. >> i think it is silly. it has no relation to the reality. i can't believe somebody is taking a course to read that silly book. >> is this why college is over rated and we should stick to reading wikipedia? do you need college? >> who reads textbooks anymore. don't you have a tablet? >> maybe it could be on the tablet. >> tell the story the right way then. regan was a lot of things. history changes history. let's leave him where he is. some people liked him. some people didn't like him. he didn't do a lot for my people. by gones are by gones.

>> he did a lot for americans and you are an american. >> it is not trek kill down. trickle down. >> joanne you were born -- >> she thinks it is humorous. i am a woman like this author and i know what it is like to be a jilted ex-girlfriend or she applied for a spot at the white house and very bitter. >> why regan? >> it was during his term. >> right, before you were born. >> i believe people wrote books then. >> so, yeah, i think you are going to run into lots of people like this and read a lot of these books in college and that's why we are going to hate people on the left.

do you think more college sophomores should challenge the curriculum like this woman did? >> the name was anna chapman. wasn't she a russian spy? i am not sure i trust the store. i think it was planted. >> you mean pay back for winning the cold war? it was a russian plot? >> yeah. >> oh. talk about a conspiracy. >> regan in his first term uh -- appointed three women and jimmy carter uh painted four. when you expand that regan was 17 and carter was 18. it was close. if you go by percentages reagan was 18%. to single out ronald reagan, it is dishonest. >> we agree that jimmy carter was awful. you want to be two or three more than him on anything.

>> carter brings some facts. >> that was an opinion. >> those are all of our opinions. >> consensus equals fact. we have to take a break. i bet you haven't heard of this. i have a book on march 18th. that's a month away. what's the date? >> it is now the 19th. >> i can't remember. >> it is called "not cool." i may be coming in a bus. i will be in 31 cities in 11 days. i will be in texas, michigan. indiana, south bend, don't know what that means sound bend, carmelo, cincinnati, i am naming them all. there has to be more. that's it? i am depressed. 2k3w0 to g gutfeld.com for the entire schedule to find out where i am going to be.

is tinseltown going down? it has gotten please yes, sir to make movies in -- price yes, -- pricier to make movies in southern california and they are asking to cut prices for the film industry. they are looking for greater incentives for productions to stay in cali. they said, quote, we are concerned of the status of motion picture production is at risk. translation, we like it when you raise other people's taxes, but not ours. joanne, will hollywood ever lose its crown? everyone is leaving. >> no.

it has everyone's stars on the sidewalk. i have never been. >> you have never been to california? you.. >> maybe somebody wants to plan a trip. >> i will plan one, but you will have an agenda when you get there. >> i think the tax breaks on the east coast are great. it is giving the actors on this side of the country a wonderful opportunity they may not receive otherwise. i love walking down the street and seeing films shooting here in new york. but that's because i walk and i don't drive the car. >> 20 million in tax breaks? he wasn't planning to move to l.a. anyway so they didn't need it. >> what is funnier, the huh poke craw see or the hipocracy. >> it is like the guy who kills his parents and then throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an

orphan. >> they did it to themselves m they did it to themselves. >> they want -- listen, a lot of places around america in hollywood and l.a. are giving tax breaks. look at stanford, home of the talk shows and this is the t-shirt. new york has to do something. it had to do something jealous. everybody is saying i can go to new york and shoot for cheaper. >> "breaking bad" was filmed in next -- new mexico and it was supposed to be in riverside. it is not because of the tax breaks, but the taxes suck in california. they are killing industries. they are moving to texas. andy, are you awake? >> not really. you are talking about taxes. it is very exciting. >> you are a libertarian, you are supposed to be against them. >> i am. how can they not realize that cutting taxes stimulates the economy?

>> they still spend. >> they still vote for democrats across the board and they still make movies that push liberal agenda. it is mind blowing. >> it it also doesn't work. isn't that what president obama is saying we will tax, tax, tax, tax? there won't be an effect and industries won't go overseas? >> producers and directors find it easy to shoot-out side of l.a. and it is cheaper to not be there. >> what does your shirt say? >> this is my twitter army. make sure you get your t-shirt. the money goes for a good cause. >> what is the cause? >> conservative children. >> i don't believe you. >> conservative children of america. cca. i am actually going to start that. you know what is funny? i can say i am starting a

twitter address, but i will forget and somebody else will. it will be great. >> you have right now to do it so the show has bt aired and you can shart it up. >> >> make sure you get yours now. it is good quality. >> conservative children of america. >> do you have a comment on the show 1234* e-mail as you. do you have a video of your animal doing something? click on submit a video. we might use it. coming up, trolls. i like trolls.

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[ man ] i don't know if this is gonna be a first or second, but this is gonna be a medal! [ man #2 ] and it looks like we could have another one of those photos! [ female announcer ] every minute. every medal. every screen. the nbc sports live extra app gives you unprecedented access to every moment of nbc universal's coverage of the sochi olympics, now on your tv. the x1 entertainment operating system, only from xfinity. last story. that's the last story. >> all right. is the twitter troll a real life a-hole? the rise in social media has lead to blood bathes and vicious comments inflicted by anonymous users or losers. the university of manitoba located somewhere shed light on the dark under world of

internet trolling. the research found, quote, cyber trolling is an internet manifestation. they exhibit traits like narcissism and keeping a container of nivea handy. all right, were you surprised by this research or is a jerk always a a jerk no matter the venue? >> certainly that. we now know about this jerk. we will know all about him. we will know the websites he visits. we will know who he e-mails. i think his days might be numbers. >> that's what i like about the nsa. going after internet trolls. that would be great. sherrod? how do you deal with twitter trolls besides killing them? >> i threaten them and i say racial stuff to them. i talk about their mothers. trolls hate stuff about their mothers. it gets under their skin. what are you going to do? it is always trolls. you can't get away from it.

so accept it. >> enjoy it. i talk to them. joanne, i was told to ignore bullies. do you ever reply? >> i would like to, but i always believe in having other people fight my battles for me. i call them the feux heros. they jump in when youd need and when you don't you cry a little bit. itit is a part of life. you will always 1r criticism. >> thick skin. >> exactly or just collect the little trolls. i loved those. >> with the funny hair? >> yes. >> telling people you should get thick skin, there is probably somebody with -- the disorder of thick skin. >> i'm warm all the time. >> do you feel bullied by the research? >> in our seven-year history

this is the most worthless. people who were jerks on-line are jerks this real person. >> it is true though. >> they are being framed by everyone. >> they are hacking into their account. >> exactly. i think that it is possible this is good because it keeps them from being sadistic in real life. it is an outlet they don't go expo tack somebody. >> they say the people who use the internet as an outlet won't approach you. >> i always say opinions need to come with the possibility of getting your ass whipped. >> by the way, i encourage getting my ass beat. we have to go. that was a fun show though. >> that was slebt. >> we did politics and everything. thanks to sherrod and kt and

that does it for me. i'm greg gutfeld. see you next time. now i have 10 seconds. >> go to his shirt. >> point to my shirt. did you know there is an oldest trick in the book? what? trick number one. look-est over there. ha ha. made-est thou look. so end-eth the trick. hey.... yes.... geico. fifteen minutes could save you... well, you know.

hello, everyone. i'm kimberly guilfoyle along with bob beckel, eric bolling, dana perino, and greg gutfield. it's 5:00 in new york city, and this is "the five." the show must go on. can america survive if americans don't know anything about our country? check out this new presidents' day prank pulled off by jimmy kimmel. one of his reporters on the street notified people about the death of fda. >> president roosevelt passed away due to natural causes at a very old age. do you have condolences to give his family?