right now go to gretawire.com and answer this. do you know of any 19-year-olds who watched president obama's interview on do or die and decided to get health insurance? good night. tonight on "red eye." >> coming up on "red eye," the mermaid debate heats up. should we let them roam wild or keep them in an aquarium like our cruel, british neighbors. and what does jim carrey think about greg gutfeld now that he finished his book? >> he has been given a gift he is not appreciating. and he scared the hell out of me. >> and finally, are man-eating sheep attacking our nation's teens. how to stop the beast from devouring your loved ones. >> now let's welcome our guests. she does pull up from a toad stool and rides to work on a

carpet beatle. and one of my co-hosts on "the five." there she is look happy. she will meet you anytime you want in an italian restaurant anytime you are paying the bill. and don't judge what she drinks. and after the surgery is complete he will be the next bachelorette. it is tv's andy levy. and i am as tickled as hot third grader at woody allen's house. first time guest and i have never said that out loud. his latest and greatest book came out in january. it is called the baby boom. >> a block. the lede. that's the first story. remember, greg, intellectual, you tower over everyone. >> it is a word you read, but never say. >> he used laughter to sell

disaster. it is day whatever of -- >> obama-apacalypso gate. >> it is the big story we will forget by tomorrow. president obama appeared to urge young people to sign up for obamacare. let's watch fans of watching. >> my guest today is barack obama -- president barack obama. >> good to be with you, zach. >> first question. in 2013 you pardoned a turkey. what do you have planned for 2014? >> we will probably pardon another turkey. we do that every thanksgiving. was that depressing to you seeing one turkey you taken out of circulation, a turkey you couldn't eat? >> there you go. one more clip please. >> i have to know what is it like to be the last black president? >> seriously? what is it like for this to be the last time you ever talked to a president? >> it must stink though that

you can't run three times. >> actually i think it is a good idea. if i ran a third time it would be like doing a third "hangover" movie. it didn't really work out well, did it? >> where are you planning on building your presidential library, and why in your home country of kenya? both places would seem -- >> that's a ridiculous question. >> obvious leet interview was manufactured to be awkward, but this was authentically odd. >> thank you for that report in that attempt to get something out of the major figure in this case besides the governor. thank you chris christie. i mean chris -- >> let's go that over again. >> thank you michael istacoff and thank you -- chris -- >> thank you.

>> it is wrong to laugh a that because it is going to happen to us the moment you laugh at that. >> it will happen to bob beckel. >> i don't know about that. so he goes on the show and the president is a hip guy. he is funny and can pull this off. is this normal or is it the opposite of normal? >> i am not getting it. i just feel like one of the nuns at catholic school with the dead baby jokes. is this what amuses kids today? i don't know. i really felt old. i am sort of not going to pass judgment on whether that is funny or not. that would be judgmental.

>> being judgmental is not funny anymore. >> i watched the whole thing, and it stank. >> i really don't know how to put it more than that. >> i haven't thought of dead baby jokes in decades. you can't do that anymore. you cannot do those. joanne, you don't know what i am talking about. >> i wasn't born yet. >> you are -- you were not even an alive baby. >> what a is the difference between a truck full of dead babies and a truck full of bowling balls. we are not going to broadcast the pump line. the punch line. >> a lot of you out there of a certain age will know. >> there are media reporters saying i don't know what they are talking about. ask your parents. dana, we talked about this earlier. and we are going to talk about it again. basically there weren't a lot of good stories today.

does this demean the presidency, or does the presidency demean two ferns? >> the two ferns have a lot to say for themselves. people like me say i would never ask the president of the united states, the commander-in-chief, the leader of the free world to go on to fern to sell his failing policy. i just wouldn't do it. however, i think they look at somebody like me and say that's why republicans don't win elections. that was hilarious, people. >> wait, that is why republicans vote? >> we don't think two ferns is funny. >> i don't think i would have put him there. and the other thing the white house tries too much to be -- it is like the feature in "us weekly" and it is just like us. i don't want the president to be just like me. i want him to be better than me.

i don't want him to watch two ferns. >> it is casting too. somebody said one of the old hollywood movie moguls when ronald reagan was running for president. ronald coleman is president. he is the president's best friend. >> i have seen president obama at those denars in washington. at those dinner in washington. you have to be cast right for it. >> that's the thing. a celebrity will do this. i have watched this between two ferns before and he has celebrities come on and he pokes fun. why would you as a president be willing to go on and poke fun at you and your career? >> he was selling obamacare. this is propaganda draped as irony. what drives me nuts is the office humor. instead of applaud the laughter it is the awkward stair. we are all in on this manufactured awkwardness.

but that was the cocoon. inside that cocoon was the obamacare bomb. >> he was selling obamacare, but he wasn't doing it well. he said most young americans are uninsured. it is actually only 25% of americans are not insured. he didn't even go -- do a good job. >> because they are on our insurance until they are 40 because of obamacare. >> they should do something about that, if you know what i mean. >> they should smoke and drink. get sick, kids. otherwise what is the insurance for? >> andy, could anybody on the right pull this off? any candidate that you theng that is out there that can do this, and isn't that probably one of the issues? >> i think it is the issue. we were talking earlier and maybe chris christie is the only one who could do it. >> i am not sure his ego would be the straight man. i thought it was funny. i liked it. i think to me this is conservatives falling into the same trap they fall into every

time. they act as if pop culture doesn't matter. it is called pop culture because pop is short for popular. people like it. >> i didn't say it wasn't funny. i just said i didn't get it. >> but that's okay. you admitted that. >> my problem is it is for a group of people that like to sneer at the elite. conservatives can be more elitist than liberals. >> they understand that pop culture sells and conservatives mock it. >> and look what that has gotten them. >> it got them the presidency. >> look where it got the country. >> are obama's numbers up? >> they didn't have an affect on obamacare. >> putin did not start quaking

in his boots when he saw this. >> should i answer the question about the republicans? >> ted cruise could do it well. i think so. >> i don't know. >> john mccain. >> john mccain was funny, but i guess he -- >> rom nay it -- romney could have done it. >> i guess. >> they will do the same thing in 2016 and look down at stuff like this and sit there and go i don't know why young people won't vote for us. >> i like that voice by the way. nice impression. >> that was my we just blew another election voice. >> we want to make sure the 45 million on food stamps can get off food stamps. >> she which one gets people to the voting booth. >> they always have five audiences. the young people are one audience. >> they say what is he doing? >> now that marijuana is being legalized you won't find anybody under 45.

>> that was why it was criminalization. >> get them out of there. >> unless it is a dorito exemption. >> they start giving out free dorritos. >> are we happier or crappier? >> that's the subject of tonight's -- >> "red eye" do beat live from the" red eye" debate center. >> welcome live from the "red eye" debate center. it is the host of the "red eye" debate. refrain from applause until after the debate is over. according to a fox news poll, 40% of americans think the country is better off compared to five years ago. 60% disagree. to put that in perspective, that's the difference between 34 and 60%. 59% say he is mostly failed. so are we better off as a country? we asked a panel of experts for their opinion.

>> they seem indifferent to me. i don't know. i could stair at it for another hour, but i don't think it will change anything. pj, are we better off or are we worse? >> we are all five years older. >> that is ruining my life. i'm old now. >> did they ask us a day after crimea? have we improved america's image around the world? i don't think so. >> you said we were better off 5 years ago thanks to objectiony objectiony -- oxycontin. >> it helps. i am thinking more clearly and i have to balance it out with

other drugs. >> the fox poll is almost consistant with every other poll. they have america thinking that we are on the wrong track at 62%. these are durable numbers and it is a trend. it is hard when you are in the second term to enter -- to improve upon those. the question that will start -- that we will need to ask from both democrats and republicans is where do you want to be five years from now? >> what do you think you can hope for at that point and that's what the election will turn on in 2016. >> i just want to be alive. i have low expectations for my future. as long as i am hanging around. five years ago you were in second grade. life has to be better for you because you don't have the weird lunch box smell that seems to permeate. >> that's all. >> not if you have a kid that has a peanut allergy.

>> i think five years, it is like a relationship. that's how a lot of americans feel. it is like what have i gotten out of this relationship in the last five years? not much. i had all of these expectations. you promised me the world in terms of employment and health care and i am not getting it. i can't break up with you. i am just going tell you how upset i am. i don't know what else to do. >> and you are going to cheat. >> i will smoke some pot until i feel better. >> you know, especially with the oxycontin. >> i want the kids out of the damn house. that's what i am looking forward to. the presidential candidate who comes along and promises the program to get the kids out of the damn house in the next five years has got my vote. >> that program is jobs. unforunfortunately we don't have any.

five years ago you were full of hope and idealism. you are covered in cat dander and hoping for a quick death. >> that's not completely true. my first word was ug. i have never been full of hope or idealism. >> have you ever been in love? >> yeah. >> wait a second. that's a scoop. >> really? >> with a person? >> make sure you get to your blog and put that out there. >> i think you might have been on to something or maybe just on something. i am not sure. i think to some extent we have been conditions to be less happy or to expect more. they were happier with less because they didn't expect more. it is not necessarily a bad thing. we should expect more. but it is tough for people to be happy when they are told you are not supposed to be happy unless you have all of this. >> do you know what this is?

>> all of the politicians overpromised to them. >> the stimulus will help the economy and america will be more respected in the world. none of that comes true. >> i don't even mean politically. i mean just in our lives in general. we have become -- earlier generations had a lot less than we do. >> i can remember when the kids got out of the house. i got my driver's license and they never saw me again. >> you are an early generation. you just want the kids out of the house. and then you will be happy. we want more than that. the generations before us -- >> good luck with that. >> you know what it is? remember the old slogan, the rent's too high? the kids are too high. my theory is because the expectations -- expectations are high because you can see

everything people have. you can turn on any cable network and see that somebody in your age-group has more than you. it used to be around people were you were envious of your neighbor. >> i blame this on penthouse magazine. back in the 70s you would open up a pept house and you can see -- penthouse and you can see everything's she's got. >> was more of swank. no pun, barriers to entry for certain things have disappeared. in testimonies of contacting people like friends purchasing items and pornography, it is easy to get everything now. that probably contributes to a lack of happiness. >> i just got an e-mail from the kid who told me there was no santa claus.

he wants to get back in touch. >> i would also argue that dana's oxycontin is prescription. i don't think it is. i think she has a guy. >> well i have to get that number. we solved nothing. coming up, tuba's musical instruments. the 12-part "red eye" investigation starting next year. first, is keith richards writing a children's book? let's just say he is not, not writing a children's book.

he went from writing books to kiddie hooks.

he signed a deal for a kid di e book. the book is called "gus and me" the story of my grand dad and first guitar and it is about keith's introduction to music by his jazz musician grandfather. said the 70-year-old still living legend, quote, the bond -- the special bond between kids and grandparents is unique and should be treasured. that is so true. i am warm all over. >> plus it is keith richards. >> i'm pretty good. >> well done, guys. t.j., have you ever thought of writing a children's book? >> oh yeah. do you know how many children's books sell? >> i don't know. >> it is like national debt numbers. any author would fall upon their laptop in despair seeing

this. and they contain nothing. "hunger, hunger caterpillar" was written on a bet under water in 10 seconds. >> that's the secret. that is the secret. >> my theory, dana -- actually when you go to a bookstore do they normally point you to the children's section? >> yes. >> i believe almost all of these are vanity projects from rich people who are bored. >> yes. raquel welsh had one. i have a grd idea. if you are doing a children's books you have to think of it as a series. remember where's waldo? seriously, hear me out. where is jasper? you take him around and can do where is jasper in new york city? where is jasper colorado 1234

where is jasper canada. we can travel the world on jasper's dime. >> everyone knows where jasper is because you tweet it every five seconds. >> that's a tease. >> i got a great children's book had why thinking about for years. it is called "heather has two nannies" and it is for rich. >> there it is. i think we made the book cover. that is actually a great idea. don't we have dana's book cover? probably asking too much at this point. >> there it is. >> jasper the well read dog. >> i love that! >> can you show my book cover? i think it is the most important. the friendly man in the white panel van. i think there is a war on strangers. most crime is committed by people you know jie. woody allen has the movie rights.

>> the third book in the series got really dark. >> i guess whatever kids that are still left that are reading it, you know, they understand. >> it is a warning to children. anyway, joanne, you recently learned to read. congratulations. >> do you think writing a children's book is an accomplishment? >> we didn't get to my book cover, but it would be called "my back brace and me." >> it was a struggle being younger having scoliosis and it would have been nice to have a book to guide me through. >> think about all of the children you will help. >> and the dudes into chicks with back braces. >> are you kidding me? surprisingly there are a bunch of celebrities who you wouldn't think would have children's books, but have. alex rodriguez has one.

sting. >> sting? >> weird al? i'm getting that for my kids. >> and julie andrews. that was the weirdest of all. >> why? she was mary pop -- poppins. >> i was making a joke. >> i was playing along. >> which brings us back to between two ferns. it never works. >> i was making a joke and playing along poorly. >> andy, keith richard's book though -- are you a musician. i think his book is great. it is teaching kids to play an instrument. it is the most important thing you can do for a kid's brain. >> gus is street slang for oxycontin. >> i disagree. >> that's what kids are into. >> i disagree. >> they are into add deer roll. >> i wrote a children's book of my own. it is called keep it down or

you will wear a frown. tls the story of how keeping -- being quiet is good. i can read a little. keep it down or you might drowned. keep it down or you will bust your crown. couldn't get a lot from publishing. >> are you jewish. >> i can't think of any other reason it wouldn't get punished. >> you do own all of media. >> i can't help but think that's what it was. >> there is a lot of anti-semitism. >> it is self-hating. >> self-publishing and self-hating. >> i do think that book is actually going to be a millionth seller. >> mine? >> yes. >> go to sleep. >> that was -- we had that guy on here. it angered me. >> how about "everybody poops."

smart. >> i didn't need a book to know that. >> once you get past a certain age it is not necessarily true. you know for grandparents' day or some other occasion. >> "everybody poops" should have been the name of chuck berry's auto-biography. >> you are sick. >> it hple at home. google chuck berry. >> by the way i didn't google that, but i heard you and bob talking about it. >> it is one more thing you don't want to know. that's what the internet is for. what don't i want to know today? where is my 16-year-old daughter? i don't want to know. >> that is so true. you know what, the things you don't want to know you end up having to look up. >> you do. >> you can't stop yourself. >> there is an app for that.

>> it is called throwing away your laptop. >> coming up, the c block. the c block is brought to you by mountains. mountains, large, natural elevations of the earth's surface, sometimes referred to as a steep hill. thanks, mountains. >> you're welcome, greg. did you get my e-mail. >> yes, i was really busy. >> you are always busy. >> that's not true. >> greg, i am not dumb. i can take a hint. >> i am not. >> we peck up where no one else left off.

can a doll destroy a dream? researchers say girls who play with barbies see fewer career options later in life. one group of girls were given a doctor barbie or a fashion barbie and a second group got a mrs. potato head. after play time the girls with barbie felt they had fewer career choices than boys. unlike those who played with mrs. spud. they blamed barbie's sex liesed liesed -- sexualized appearance. i blame it on the stupid study. for more let's go live to this dog.

>> that is not funny. >> i don't find that amusing at all jie. it really belongs between two ferns. >> at least find the humor in it before it goes up there. >> did you play with barbies? is that why you self-harm? >> i can't remember having a barbie until i was older. my parents didn't buy stuff like that for us. i also had a mr. potato head and i had a mrs. potato head and they got married. >> and they had tater tots? >> in russia and china they are studying how to rule the world. in america, we are spending money on studies about a toy that has been the most overstudied toy in the world, ever. >> it should only be studied by cub scouts. >> as a former cub scout, barbie does destroy dreams. my sister said i took the

barbie's clothes off and there is nothing there. nothing, nothing, nothing. it destroyed dreams. >> i was 35 before i was taking the clothes off of a real girl for fear. >> i wonder if that is true. that could be very, very funny. where am i? joanne, when you were a child you didn't have much you played with discarded chicken bones found in the trash. you turned outcome pleatly screwed up. could it by -- could it be if you had a barbie it would be better? >> i made stick figures with the bones. this is all i am used to. we really need to give them more play options. >> isn't this a complete load of crap. >> it is girls ages 4 to 7.

they don't have a greater grasp of anything. they are just trying to play and have fun. maybe they thought they were the color purple or they thought they were a star. i can't be a race car driver because i am not a real person. >> i think they were thinking about their career options. >> that was an option. >> but let us think back to when we were in college. who majored in sociology? who majored in psychology? who majored in anthropology? morons. >> psych majors were crazy. >> psych major were crazy and sociology majors were lazy. ananthropology majors wanted to screw foreign girls basically. >> how did they screw them? >> they would sit them in a room with a barbie and a

mrs. poe -- potato head. >> andy, what is behind all of this barbie shaming? >> i think it is okay if they use the doctor barbie doll. >> i think the study is backwards. i think playing with mrs. potato head dolls made them open to more career options. it is not that barbie made them open to fewer. think about this. when you play with the doll you can put the mouth where the ears go and the mouth where the nose goes. it teaches you that possibilities are endless and you can do anything. >> i would argue the opposite. >> i am convinced that i am right about this. these guys doing the study are morons. that never entered their minds. >> the reason why you see an increase in serial killing is they played with mr. potato head and they said i can

remove their ears and noses. >> that opens a career possibility. >> also the rise of plastic surgery directly related to mr. potato head. >> i am tired of this. we have to take a break. we will talk about the latest book. "not cool" coming out next week. in a city near you. 31 cities, 11 days here is is a look. regan library, yipee. g gutfeld.com. i meant that sincerely. the schedule is there at g gutfeld.com to find out where i am going to be.

republican party reptiles, parliament whores, "50 shades

of gray." and the latest and greatest "the baby boom" how it got that way and i will never do it again. let's talk about this book. it is about the baby boomers. it is good and nice to them. >> i had another idea for a book. i go to my publisher and he says, that's stupid. he said do you realize -- this is like two years ago. two years in 2014 when this book comes out, it is the year that the youngest baby boomers turned 50. the generation that was going to stay young forever, the youngest of them are 50. >> i was born in 1964. >> you are there on the last -- you are very, very -- you are in your 50s! in

hong kong with an old buddy of mine and he puts his arm around my shoulder and he said, pj, is there a girl who just completely broke your heart back in high school, and you remember every horrible detail of it? and i said yeah. and he said she's 50! >> that's really true. >> now i feel happy again. before i was sad. >> the whole book was to make us feel happy again. >> how do you do that? >> i just write about all of the other things to the eke tent any of us can remember. again if keith richards can write an auto-biography what can he possibly remember? >> go ahead. >> take the generation informant, the big end of the generation that is born in the late 40s and it takes us through the early 70s and it takes us up to the p oi nt we

created the world. >> we created a lot. we created sex. babies were found under cabbing cabbing -- cabbage leaves. if you don't believe me, think about your parents having sex. >> no. >> it never happened. we invented the self. we made it a completely self-centered world and it works. it is like adam smith with everybody works selfishly for their own benefit. in the baby boom we don't work, but we ray selfish for our own -- we are selfish for our own benefit. we are such a much nicer generation than the greatest generation. we just want to give the world a hug and a drug. we don't want world war ii and we don't want world war 3. >> i think you invented stress. remember we -- we call things stress now that used to be life, right? >> not really.

our parents were interesting about this. they did worry. not in the way we do. they smoked while pregnant and had a couple of extra for the drive home and turned us loose in the backyard with lawn darts, but in a crime free neighborhood they are locking every door. they had specific worries. they didn't have the luxury of free range worry the way we do. we are anxious about everything. but we also invented drugs. it is all okay. >> it is true though. i am married to a russian and it is like being married to somebody from the previous generation. she looks at me like an alien being. >> peanut allergies? >> it is bizarre. i am living in the eisenhower era in 2012. 2014, wow. >> whatever year. >> you said the baby boomers

used up all of the weird. >> we did. we did to that. we do do that. it is a shame for you younger kids. it is the duty of every generation to shock its elders. the roman empire was wearing their toe goes too short or whatever. when the people who came in, generation x and all of the generations that came after the baby boom, when it was their turn to shock their parents and be weird and be different, there wasn't anything different left to do. all of the weirdness had been used up. weird beards, we grew them. weird words, we said them. weird thoughts, we weird hair, we wore them. they had to get pierced and get neck tattoo to shock the old folks. that must have hurt and i apologize. >> i joined the army. >> whoa, dude. >> that's what you had to do

to shock your parents. >> that's taking it a little too far. you have gone around the bend there. >> i have to ask you about -- there are two things you did that affected my life. that was republican party reptile which was published in 1987. i think it was the first time i heard the idea that what is normally stodgy can be fun. you are always operating under the assumption that being a republican or not being a liberal was being awful. are you tired of people like me who tell you that? >> no one gets tired of praise. back in the 80s i was facing up to the fact that if you told a girl you were a republican she would start looking through the sock drawer for something to stuff into the rubber. she had your number. oh this is going to be a fun night.

the original concept -- it was john hughes, "the movie maker and i." the movie maker and i. we came down with pants down republicans. we are refusing to bus our children anywhere other than yale. the idea that you couldn't have fun, that you could -- you had to be liberal to have fun is something i worked my whole life to destroy. all it has done is wreck my health. >> i am going to take a break, but i want to talk to you more about your history with national lampoon. the name of the book is "baby boom." go and buy it. do you have a comment on the show 1234* e-mail us. >> it is so butch better than "hungry, hungry caterpillar." >> and kids can read it too. gather them around the fire. what fire? there is no fire in people's houses. do not light a fire. there is no arson here. i apologize for that. coming up, we will talk more

with pj about all sorts of stuff of the stick around.

you can see andy levy on wednesday at 9:00 p.m. eastern on the fox business network.

coming up tomorrow on "red eye" jesse joyce. pj, your first job was -- was it basically at national lampoon's? >> yes, and you got to be funny all day. in fact, you had to be funny all day. it was the weirdest place to work. normally work sucks. going to the office is fun because you can go and have fun and have the office flirtations and the drinks afterwards. national lampoon's was fun. you make fun of everything. going to the office -- having like 30 humorous in one place is like a sack full of cats. it is awful. everybody is constantly spiting and clawing at each other. >> i have to say it was what you did after "mad magazine." you started with "mad" which was a great world.

there was national lampoon over here that scared you. >> it was up higher. >> cooperate reach it. >> it frightened you. the great thing were the illustration eds -- illustrations it was norman rockwell, but evil. the girl was hot. i am 10 or 9 and looking at this and going there is something there that i have to get. and then my mom did it when i was homesick. they were out of "mad" and bought national lampoon. the first time i saw breasts. >> we were always careful. >> you did photo funnies. >> they all invariably involved naked girls. we didn't know any though. we found there were these model agencies who can come and get naked. that's as close as any of us got. it couldn't have been more fun. we can't take the -- the real

credit goes to "mad magazine." "mad magazine" taught a lesson we all knew by the time national lampoon came along was that grown-ups lie. when they advertise things sometimes they are fibbing? it really isn't the best coffee in the entire world? we didn't make that major breakthrough. there was something about the lampoon and it culminated in animal house. you know, "animal house" was when the baby boom took over. that came out of the national lampoon stories that were published in the national lampoon. if you don't believe that is when the baby boom took over and when we began to rule the world, go to washington and see how many senator blutarskis there are. there are a hundred.

>> the end of animal house predicts exactly where we are. >> yes at the end credits there is a picture of john bough lieu she as senator blutarski. >> that whole era and a few years later was national lampoon's stamp all over the place. the magazines, the books and the movies and the tv all had the national lampoon flavor. >> a bunch of writers that went over to "saturday night live" like phil donohue. >> who created mr. bill. >> who created mr. bill. he is dead too. >> kinney passed away jie. yes, back in 1980. >> that's a bummer. anyway it was a pleasure having you on the show. >> it was a delight to be here. >> you were my inspiration growing up. that sounds bad. >> it was bad. but look how it turned out. you obviously played with

barbie and not mrs. potato head. >> that does it for me. i'm greg gutfeld. see you next time. bye-bye. campaign raised go for

infrastructure. better have a big lock box. they never do. i'm eric bolling along with etc. etc., bob beckel, epep, and greg gutfield. it's 5:00 in new york city. this is "the five." so the world is on the verge of mayhem, vlad putin flexing his migitary muscle. kim jong-un got 100% of his people to vote for him or die, and the what is the leader of the free world doing? >> do you send ambassador rodman to north korea on your behalf? i read you would be sending hulk hogan to syria, or is that more of a job for