tonight on "red eye." >> coming up on "red eye" will cats ever catch the red dot or should they just give up? our panel debates what some call an exercise in feline futility. and vice president biden's update on his effort to build the world's largest bouncy castle in the base meant. >> it has been a long struggle, and recently there has been real progress. but there is so much left to do. >> and finally, is soccer any less boring when robots play it? we will tackle the question the mainstream media is too afraid to ask. none of these stories on "red eye" tonight. >> and now let's welcome our guests.

she is so hot that birds fly to her in the winter time. i am here with a first time guess. guest. the business contributor and she has to be up very early. thank you for coming. she confirms it did hurt when she fell from heaven, but feels better now that earth has an angel. what is that laugh a? that's a psychotic laugh. that's a laugh when there is nothing funny. that means you are crazy when you laugh and there is no joke, that's a sign of psychosis. and he would like to take this opportunity to reremind you that if you tweet him about his cat he will block you. it is hard to believe the his follower account has stopped going up. it is tv's andy levy. and he was once fired for washing his limp bizkit t-shirt at the panda express. you can see him on comedy underground. it is on comedy central on may 31st.

>> a block. the lede. that's the first story. i would give uh thought, greg, but i'm not sure you would know where to put it. >> making them squeal is her appeal. 2016 is still 10 years away, but that's not stoping us at "red eye" from endorsing joan knee errnst for president of the world. she is running for u.s. senate and this uh macing ad was -- amazing ad was just released. >> i grew up castrating hogs on an iowa farm. when i get to washington, i will know how to cut pork. >> mother, soldier, conservative. >> my parents taught us to live within our means. it is time to force washington to do the same. to cut wasteful spending, repeal obamacare and balance the budget. i am joan knee ernst and i approve this meetings because -- this message because washington is full of big

spenders. let's make them squeal. >> that's amazing work. joni is one of five republicans hoping to win back the senate seat for the gop. the other four are -- who cares? meanwhile, you know who else is going after crosses? this puppy. >> be careful. >> that is very painful. not that i would know. i used to walk like that a lot when i was a child. >> and that puppy costumes cost me a lot. >> you have to find a really big kid. >> first time on the show and this is your first "red eye" question. this is your first campaign ad ever. this is kind of awesome. i think this could be something big. >> i don't have a scrotum and it made me feel uncomfortable. >> is that a swedish car? >> i love the political tactic

scaring men out of their you know what to get them to vote for you. it could work. >> i think it could work. does it excite you to know she may make men as incomplete as you are? >> it is upsetting. that's why i have a little -- i can't actually listen. she says she makes them squeal like a pig. a lesser candidate wouldn't be able to wedge in a quote. >> you know, we will have to bleep that out, but i think people will know what scene you are talking about. it is a b-word and it is not banjo playing which is also a great theme. that is my favorite scene, the banjo scene. joanne, what i like about hershey is colder, in fact colder than you r. she talks

about castrating with ease. >> she gets it. women don't want to be equal to women. we want to be -- did i just say women? >> yes. >> women don't want to be equal to men. we want to be better than them and higher than them. we want to stand over them and look down as they bleed to death. >> you are a killer. >> i love how in the beginning of the video it looks like the snl commercial and you think oh she is serious and i feel bad for her husband. >> she is psyched with that big grin on her face. >> are we sure h is real? this is real, right? i love her. when she talks about castration it is with the chilling ease of hannibal lecter. were you turned on or really turned on? >> i don't have a scrotum and this commercial really frightens me. she is a social conservative so i will decline to join your endorse ept in --en discourse

-- endorsement. >> i dnt know her beliefs. >> what do you mean? she is into hard work. >> that's two of my beliefs. i believe in some other things too. >> no business having -- muffins. >> they are taking -- muffins -- from other pigs. >> a lot of bleeping. >> she favors keeping the renewable future standard that president obama is trying to roll back. >> you mean ethanol? >> it is tax subsidies for ethanol. as you pointed out, nobody cares who the other candidates are. now they only care about who she is. it is a great commercial and probably the best snl digital short i have seen in awhile. >> that beats everything on funny or die. >> and she sure has a pretty mouth. >> she does. she is a a veteran. i have to look at her. i didn't look at her plank.

we need scary people in office. we have needy people in office. we have people who want to be liked. i don't want somebody that wants to be liked. >> there are towns in iowa. there is one town that every february they have the original testicle festival where they serve pork mounted oysters. the younger they are, the better they are. >> this is going in a direction i find awkward. >> speaking of facts, there is a real quick google search. there is an iowa state senator named jim hog. did you know that? she was like, i grew up castrating hogs. everybody else is like, haha. that guy says did she just say she was going cut my -- muffins? >> we learned something today. would you avoid working for a droid? that's the subject for tonight's -- >> "red eye" debate 201 --

2014, live from the" red eye" debate center. >> welcome to tonight's "red eye" debate live from the" rid eye" debate it is sponsored by the ssp racers. when you want to race something, make sure it is the ssp racer. tonight's debate, would you take orders from a robot bought. a study out of canada asked humans to complete tasks given to them by a supervisor. some tasks were fun and others were boring. either way the subjects would do them 86% of the time if a human boss asked them to do. it but if it was a robot it fell to 46%. we will talk to our panel about this pressing issue after a quick word from our sponsor. >> do you hear it? i hear it. >> here it comes. from frol electric sound. when you pull that piece it is filled with power.

crash em, smash em. sonic sounds and super stocker. king cobra, detonator. now with sonic sound. >> i tell you how awkward that is going into the er with that counted coming out of your -- sound coming out of your pants. >> wasn't that your first car on the left? >> yes, it was. the side things hurt. how would you know? based on the study humans may be guilty of robot discrimination. as a woman does this remind you of anything? >> the first five men i ever slept with, yes. or 10 or 20. i lost count. speaking of humans like robots i worked for a robot before. editors and the loser who sits next to you in the cube and has to instant message you you. it is c3po style and i would be cool with that.

>> in a weird way we are becoming like robots. we are not talking to each other. we are using technology to take that part away. you have been a foot looker striper and can you imagine you are moving up slowly? can you imagine a pair of size 11's from the back and can you take that as an insult? >> half of how i get to where i am going is sleeping with management. and i don't work at the footlocker in tokyo. >> they have sex in -- with robots. >> how would you feel taking orders from an enormous two-foot tall robot? >> that's hurtful. i am going away for a week and will leave with a sour taste in my mouth. andy, most people don't listen to you, but at least the robot has 46%. that's 46% more than you

because nobody linses to you. -- nobody listens to you. we need to stop using term robot because it is racist. synthetic american is appropriate. there is no way i would take orders from an oil-eating talking poster. this was not the way the world was meant to work. maybe it is where you come from and you big city folks. >> joanne, i think you would be comfortable because you are as soulless as a robot. >> i don't have many feelings. that kind of -- i don't have to deal with other people's feelings. it makes the whole how is your day going? you can cut the chit-chat. >> there is should small talk with a robot in the elevator. >> so, how is your wheel? you don't say how is your

wheel? >> the only thing i would be neither success about is what is the incentive to work hard to become a boss. don't you want to work your way up the ladder. i think robots should be the entry level jobs. >> what you are saying are robots are taking our jobs. the robot ceiling is bad. coming from a woman who shouldn't be working it is offensive. >> you can never tell from their face whether they are joking or not. >> andy is like that. >> thank you. thank you. >> the twitter people are going to go, oh i get the subtle -- gill i think they watched me long enough to get the joke. >> andy's last talking point sounded like it was written by tennessee williams. it was really involved.

>> wait a minute. is wearing white face beyond the pale? nick cannon has gone caucasian to promote his new album which makes us wonder -- >> is this racist? >> welcome to the latested dation of "is this racist" the peabody award-winning sire reece in its 12th year. actor, rapper and mariah carrie marries has a album out. to drum up attention he drummed up a persona. the caption for the picture here reads "it's official. i'm white. # white people party mu sifnlgt dude, go get it, # good credit, # dog kissing, # beer pong. # farmer's markets. # fist pumping.

# cream cheese. somebody loves to stereo type. there was also a a video on instagram which is him apologizing for this offensive joke. >> connor small, that's the name, bro. >> that was no uh poll joe. you know who doesn't see skin color? a cone head dog. >> she is like a lawn mower. >> andy? i don't know. >> i don't know either. >> it is a jewish dog. >> was it a jewish dog? >> i don't know. >> you are the worst anti-seem might ever. >> i am lazy at a it. as the only black person on the panel what do you think? >> eddie murphy did this better with the "white like

me" sketch. the wayans brothers did this worse before with "white chicks." chris martin and gwenyth paltrow are separating so why are we talking about this? >> we didn't have time to talk about it. >> i love that high -- that he hash tagged good credit. black people can't have good credit? >> i don't know. on a scale of 1 to 10 -- just go ahead and answer. >> tgi friday's something. that is a hack joke. it infuriates me when black comments do the good credit thing. you are a millionaire. your credit is fine. hugley said that once, i can't take a cab. when is the last time you took a cab? i can't afford your neighborhood.

>> you are in a community. >> because you are broke. >> right. is anybody really offended? >> shaun white because that's who he looks like. >> who is equal. >> i thought he looked likely saw kudrow -- like lisa kudrow. i put her head on everybody's face. that started when i first made love. i don't even know what that means. i was going to say, chappelle did it all the time. it was hill hilarious. >> was that the blind guy? >> no, a newscaster thing. >> i'm just saying nobody is offended. they are like, if they can, then we can. >> i want to ask if she is going to stop by.

>> absolutely. i am shrubbingy i have a lefty collection. >> this was edgy for him. he was watching "america's got talent. this is going somewhere. >> i loved him in "drum line." you didn't like it? >> i didn't see it. i saw rarely anything he has been in. this is the best thing that happened to his caw rear. he is making a name for himself out of the wife. i am curious what white people party music sounds like? we just listen to every color music depending on where you are in the country. >> it would have to be john kerry. he been dead for 30 years. >> you can find out what whited people party music sounds like.

>> or just get out of the paw mart meant. we are worried about you. we knock on the door and find you passed out and the oven is coming. >> it is cold. i like to keep it warm. >> why the note? i am tired of getting that e-mail. cruel is not spelled with a k. >> coming up, what is the latest craze swapping the nation 1234* jesse joyce discusses his latest cook book. is the government planning on texting obese people in order to get them to be healthy? i have been toughing -- huffing paint thinner all evening. i don't know@w@wowowpg÷÷owúç÷g

they will keep a tab on your flab. the government could be getting more involved in the lives of obese people. that's one of many ideas to come out of a recent hearing out of the guidelines committee or day jack. the committee that meets every five years is made up of 15 academics from the fields of public health medicine and nutrition. it can be used to, quote, help people choose a healthy diet that works for them. one of the committee's most -- more controversial decisions, fat belts for overweight guinea pigs. >> that's a furry barbell. all right, sending fat people text messages, are they really going to enjoy being told they are fat?

>> the fatter the nation gets, the more acceptable it is to be overweight. you can send a text message and you should let my dad write them. my dad told me when he saw me eating a kraft singles, instead of put them in your mouth put them on your thighs because that's where they are going. >> my mom told me, that's how you will end up single. >> and wrapped in plastic. >> and orange. >> only smaller. >> it always goes back to that. jesse, so there is a war on the obese, but chubby people keep you employed at sbarro's. >> see you had that built in to make fun of me. >> i wrote it just now which is why it was kind of lame. >> whatever. i don't have anything to say about this. texting is like what teenagers do. >> what's up fatty?

are you still fat? they should be sexting instead of texting and send pictures of very large people to you. >> and say what? >> that's as far as i went. i put a little more thought into this. they spent diss 3 million developing this idea. that's fascinating. where does that money actually go to develop the idea to text? who gets that money? >> photos of hot people and they say you will never get laid by this man or woman if you are the size you are now. >> that's the issue. they are never going to tell them dash ad they will do things like did you have enough broccoli. did you get your six glasses of water? they will never say when i started at "red eye," i was overweight. you know who got me to lose weight? the viewers.

they called me a fat, disgusting tweety pig. >> now they just call you a disgusting sweaty pig. >> after awhile it is like, i know, i am fat. time to stop. >> do you think one day they will hear, you are right, i work at sbarro's. >> maybe i should stop dressing like i work at budget rent a car. >> i am dressed like a bad guy in an up coming "back to the future" movie. it looks like those are the clothes that were stolen. it is an oldy, but a goodie. at some point i asked you a question. the text messaging is part of a volume run spram, but it is a stretch to say is the same government will one day make us wear monitors to check our

body mass index? i think i think not. it is the same company that will some day be texting you about your weight without your permission? i think not. wake up. whennicely done. way to bring up the all important khem trails. >> it is not a controveou tryina tony tonight. your performance is amazing. >> a tony, no one can win a tony. >> neil patrick harris can. >> dmon of -- none of us can siping. coming up, the c block. it is to completely honest people who have been given the power of esp and allowing them to sing in the future. you are welcome. >> i can see the past, present and future. i know how this show ends.

no spielers. >> i won't tell you that "the tonight show" sputters out at the end. >> i said no spoiler. >> with all of jesse joes' faults i -- i -- >> i sure will. bye. >> that was long. does being drunk make you funnier? not if you are driving. don't drive drunk. it is bad and stuff.

does the way you dance give you a chance? a group of european evolutionary biologists, all named john paul, discovered which dance movements capture someone's eye. the study came out in 2010, but -- >> it's new to us. >> we are a little behind. the researchers found the best male dancers use larger, more variable movements of the head, neck and torso. this is attractive. arousing if you might add. also important, lots of fast leg movement. women consider this to be an example of a bad dancer. the researchers suggest that men's dance moves matter because they could carry, quote, honest signals of a trait such as health fitness, developmental history. this man has a mental issue. personally i think there is only one good way to dance.

>> i filmed that at my bachelor party. i was the one holding the camera. only one came back. you are a woman or so you claim. how key are the dance moves? did you like the first one or the second one you saw? do you agree with the findings? >> clearly republican joni got uh hold of this. i dig men who don't have testicles or penises. that's what i'm going for. if you want to get a girl, you shouldn't even dance until you have been married five years, period. it is never gonna work out unless you are bruno mars.

>> i kind of agree with you. when you are as tall and ga a ngly as you dance moves don't matter. it is like when blades come up on a helicopter. >> this is very accurate description. a couple of vietnamese people die every time. >> anyway, look, i don't believe this is true. if women were genuinely attracted to characters that were hairless and the blue man group would be the hottest in the world. nobody says that. >> they were over rated. wasn't a big fan of blue man group. i was just putting it out there. are you buying this evolutionary angle that you would rather reproduce with somebody who is a good dancer? >> i would, definitely. whrapped to fred -- what happened to fred estere and gene kelly? >> they died. >> they dbut they lived long

lives. they were dancers. >> that's true. >> even john travolta "saturday night fever"" stayin alive" is my favorite. >> you should date him. you have a strong eye for heter so men. >> it is so true. let's make this happen. let's make this happen. >> i think i know his agent. he will be pleased to meet you. >> clearly you didn't see " "stayin alive." >> it is a great movie. it is fantastic. it is better than the original. but i have no memory of it. anyone who saw channing tatum dance in "magic mike" wanted to dance with him. >> you don't remember the study from four years ago. i was proud it was my avatar's dancing that was rated highest by the women.

or i call them, all the ladies in the house. it hurts my feelings that you just wipe that out of your mind somehow. >> i try to forget things that involve you. dancing makes no sense unless you are alone and wasted in your apartment in front of a mirror like the guy in silence of the lambs. dancing and going on. >> with a good tug going. >> the guy in the second video wasn't even dancing. he dropped his keys. >> the saddest thing is you have to use lifts. >> we are going to move on. >> he is looking for his keys. next topic. the w hotel in new york which is named after the letter is offering a social wedding concierge. they take over your social media accounts for the ceremony and reminds guests who are posting on insta tbram to use a special special -- instagram to use a special hash tag. i hate that word. they want to avoid selfies.

you worked as an over side -- over sized tuxedo model. you must have seen a lot of stressed brides and grooms. do they need this service? >> i didn't model it at the wedding. >> what are you talking about? >> who is this for? nobody gives a [bleep] about your dumb wedding tweets. you look at people who would ever care to read at your wedding will be there watching the thing happen. >> it is for the person that dumped you. maybe jerome will see that i met -- a and then he will run and it will be too late. >> i have personal questions. >> i am for this if the person doing the tweeting is taking video of the bride being a

[bleep] to the brides mades. and the husband is oglimg at the maid of honor's jugs. and the drunk aunt pulling her skirt up to relief herself on the golf course, or not. that's what i'm in favor of. >> i have been going to the wrong wedding. >> andy you are probably never invited because you never have a date. is this a part-time job? >> it is just me. there is extra room at the table. there is a part i really like that they make sure that all of the guests are using the correct wedding #. a media person got mad and a bunch of other media people were at the wedding. naturally all they did was tweet about it, but they mostly were using the hash tag, so i was able to mute it and i didn't have to see it. >> who got married? >> an unnamed media person who

works at another network. >> he is a nice person. it was absolutely disgusting and ab noxious watching these media people tweet at the wedding. >> as somebody who will never know the. >> of marriage this means nothing to you? >> not now. it might later. i will probably get married let's get serious. >> this is a great job for the girl that really wants to be in your wedding party, but you don't want her there. i you save the $3,000 and you give her a special job of being in charge of the social media. >> it is ensuring that they will take a picture of the bride being a [tbleep] to the drieds maid. >> i remember i was at a wedding where -- this is how old i am. they put the disposable cameras in the middle of the table.

>> everyone uses appropriately. >> so one guy, of course, there is one guy picking up the cameras and taking a picture of his general tills and putting it back on the table. i was not that person. >> i used to take people's cell phones and take a picture and then set it as their wallpaper. that's professional. >> why didn't wiener use that as an excuse that it was a buddy of his doing this. that would have saved his life. kind of sad. >> can i say that andy's plea to be invited to weddings sounds like it should be the title to his auto-biography, it's just me. by andy levy. >> i will take the salmon. >> i will never take the salmon. >> that's why you are alone.

>> do you want me to help clean up? you don't want to go home. >> i am an excellent wedding guest. time to take a break. don't think of leaving us now. look at that t-shirt. that's a "not cool" 4 t-shirt. it is scary and it comes in black. my face is on the front and the schedule on the back. runs small through extra large sizes. you can find them at premiere collectibles.com. here is a look at the start of the sture. or go to g gutfeld.com and you can figure it out. all right in -- all right? okay? good.

well, it has been named best book ever by the society of not fake awards. thank you members of the snfa. i wrote a book called "not cool" and filled with the stuff the mainstream media doesn't president what you to hear. like words and other words. for this segment i thought who is the most worthy and knowledgeable to interview me? i decided it was me. without further adieu, take it away, me. >> first off i want to thank you for doing this interview with me. would you prefer i call you greg or mr. gut spheld? >> mr. fine, thank you. >> thanks, mr. but felled it is then. you look great. what are you doing? free weights, aerobics, a combination of both. >> thanks for noticing. i do ab work for four or five minutes. i do 45 minutes on the stair climber and i watch what i eat. i do a low carb diet, but i am glad you noticed. i work hard at it.

>> fantastic. why do you write this book? are you such a busy man with commitments and charity work with the children. a lot of people find your work with animals repulsive, but you still continue to do that. why this book and why now? >> the most destructive things in life are done to be cool. cool is a value free term that exists between good and evil. it is no wonder people ruin their lives when they want to be cool. it is sad, but true and i am here to stop it. >> you are really a self-less person. you can see where culture is headed. here you are trying to defend basic common sense when people like jesse joyce are poisoning our youth. it is not so much a question as how horrible jesse joyce is as a human being. he is sis gusting. what is considered cool these days? right now any kind of sub per sigh ago a tiff tee is under

attack. it is cool to under mind things that work without offering anal other than tiff. dash >> that's the problem in america today. this is an easy question for you. do you consider yourself cool? i would think you are cool. you are very good looking. sexier than most movie stars. it must be hard to maintain any level of self-esteem when they are around you. they must feel like failures. i would ask them, but they would bore me with their stupid answers. the question is, are you cool? >> i am not cool. i prefer good and i believe i am good. people can be good or bad and not cool. i cannot be cool either. >> greatest, you are way too modest ssments i want imagine how lucky your wife is. i'm sure if she were watching she would great.

most talented anchors would find them unhirable and unwatchable. why is cool successful? why does it find new members into its cold? all humans have a desire to be liked the moment they enter school. they tell young people if you don't do the cool thing you will not be liked. that's why they employ celebrities to help with obamacare. if you watch somebody famous they will act like they like you and then you will go what they say. >> i can talk to you all night. >> will you be promoting this book? i haven't heard a a thing. i guess i was wondering if we can see you at hastings on friday and abilene, teg text or barnes and nobel in midlands. what about saturday? if i books a million or the barnes and nobel in the wood lands.

or perhaps on sunday you will be at barnes and nobel in waco. then the barnes and nobel in fort worth and then the barnes and nobel in plano. >> anyway, if you want to find out where i am going to be go to g gutfeld.com. i thrb in three to four cities a day. lastly, i would like to wonk around town with your face on my chest. is that possible? >> yes, i have a t-shirt that is available at premiere collectibles.com. you get a second one for the same price. i am done here. >> thank you so much, greg. this was great. have a great day. or night. good night. what a great guy. >> i consistent want to interrupt you too. >> a good looking couple. >> i think so. i think i found my perfect match. >> what kind of laugh was that? that was a medicated laugh.

do you have a comment on the show e-mail us at red eye at fox gnus.com. do you have video of your animal doing something click on our website. foods make you funny. [ male announcer ] at his current pace, bob will retire when he's 153, which would be fine if bob were a vampire. but he's not. ♪ he's an architect with two kids and a mortgage. luckily, he found someone who gave him a fresh perspective on his portfolio. and with some planning and effort, hopefully bob can retire at a more appropriate age. it's not rocket science. it's just common sense. from td ameritrade.

"independence" wednesday at 9:00 p.m. on fox business network. coming up tomorrow on "red eye." buck sex ton and kennedy and joe devito. >> e block. last story. that's the last story. >> i love that sound. do too many drinks make jokes sink? a new study found contrary to what you could think booze does not make you funnier. the uh snore of with the the human code gathered numbers. what a classic that was to see if their jokes got funnier as the rounds went down. the ad execs say a sober panel displead. disagreed. >> i jabbed you. >> you got me. >> i stabbed you in the face.

>> something made of pain. a jobing disik. stick. >> no wonder you are trashed you are so funny. >> when you are sober drunk people are annoying and not funny. >> it is truffe we need to be -- it is the truth that we need to be drunk all of the time. aver -- after five drinks things got offensive. >> that's because when you get drunk you get honest. that's the way the world should be. always walk around like we are drunk. then you can say what you really think. right now if you were drunk what would you say? >> oh so many things that would probably make more sense. when i drink i am more lucid in my thoughts. it is easier for me to get them out. >> does that say more about what you are like when you are

sober? >> which is no fun. >> it is funny they say the ad execs are less humorous. who is making these ads on tv? like the adopt me pet commercial. >> those are wasted when they taped it. >> you don't dreck at all. drink at all and you are berrily funny. i didn't write that one. somebody else did. >> this is infuriating. ad executives? they are not funny. that is the fly in the ointment of every jackass. he says my mom giggles when the geico commercial come on. >> i hate the dumb lizard or do i. it is subjective.

they had to write a joke and then the joke could be funnier or not funny ready less of the alcohol. you can't quantify -- that exists in a world where uh courting to the study call jokes are equally funny. it is a horse [bleep] concept. >> i love how you are so serious. >> i worked at an ad agency. i was a writer for. it then when i came here to new york i tried to get a job at an ad agency and every jackass was like we are hilarious. we have a basketball hoop. look how hilarious mad men is. >> andy have you 15 seconds. >> everything jesse said is what i was going to say. the people behind me clearly aren't funny sober or drunk. watching that commercial drunk it is not funny. >> nobody likes the talking babies.

>> all right. great job. please come back. tv's andy levy and jesse joyce, i'm greg gutfeld. see new a week i believe. @w@wow

have got hit. i would like to include your voice when i can. huckabee is next. tonight on huckabee, a judge gives perm neanent custody of tr daughter to the state of massachusetts. college football players allowed to form a union. >> i am taking a stand. >> big- time college programs. and getting a piece of the pie. >> and gwyneth ethpaltrow's conscious uncoupling and charlie daniels tells us how it is. and shoes how it is