>> don't miss this very special greta investigates here on fox. go to gretawire.com and read the poll question there for you. good night from washington, d.c. it's a poll question. gr tonight on "red eye." >> coming up on "red eye." why was the transformer known as bumblebee found hiding at the top of the empire state building 1234* we will investigate rumors that he may be in fact deciding to join the deceptecon. and is a sequel to "mrs. doubt fire" in the works? >> we should be open to other ways we can make it better. as president that's what i intend to keep doing as long as i'm in this office. >> finally, does stifling a sneeze make you look polite or just really stupid? we will get to the bottom of it next. none of these stories on "red eye" tonight. >> now let's welcome our

guests. she is so hot she arrives an hour early so she has time to cool off. i am here with dagin mcdowell. if you don't have fbn, you don't have it. she is saucier than a dish at the olive garden and her bread sticks are bottomless, it is joanne. season says the next "american horror story" will be based on his life, andy levy. and he took time off of the tilt-a-whirl, gavin mcginnis with us as always. his movie which i saw and it isn't bad. >> it tells you how to be a man. >> you have another movie. the brotherhood of traveling papt rants is available on netflix and how to be a man. >> how to be a man a better film. >> a block. the lede.

that's the first story. greg, now that summer is approaching how about you break out those tank tops? >> i will. he dropped by to ask if they spy edward snowden made an appearance at the call in meeting with the nation. and so i wonder if the trait russ swine asked if russia stores or analyzes the communications of millions of individuals. >> does russia intercept, store or analyze in anyway the communications of millions of individuals? >> always with the surveillance stuff. he has a one track mind. here is how putin responded. >> case closed. it is hard to argue with that.

we don't have a translator because we don't have a budget. what is our commander-in-chief up to? delightful. anyway back in russia one citizen used a q and a with putin to pass along important information. >> how do you take off this short usually? say you do it like that. so many steps to take off the shorts. or some people do it like this. like this from the bottom go up. here is the fastest way if you want to come home and take off the short super fast way here it is and with one hand too. you stand like this and grab right here and boom. that's

easy. that's how you take of on -- take off short that fast. >> if they have a russian "red eye" he better be hosting. >> gavin, let's tackle the important stuff. that is a better way to take off your shirt. >> much better. >> you looked at him and said what is wrong with this guy? and then you came away and said your mind is changed. >> you can have velcro tabs and then rip it forward, but that takes hours. over the course of 9,000 years you have saved almost one minute. >> so true. enough about that. pew tip told snowden not to worry that they don't have any interception or mass system for surveillance. is it possible that he could be lying? >> it is funny you start out with putin told snowden. that is what happened. did you hear how he recited it?

putin are there things going on in the surveillance of different people listening at certain times? and then he goes, yes, thank you so much. thank you for asking. that was a crazy question. i didn't know where that was coming from. coincidentally, i have an answer. remember when kim jong-il died and they cried on the cement. and you watch them going how are those actual tears hitting the cement? these dictators are so devoid of the free market and checks and balances they end up confirming what they are trying to disprove. and that is -- i am answering questions i wrote for myself and i look like a total [bleep] right now. >> you almost made it through without an edit. isn't putin using snowden to troll obama? this is for his amusement. >> absolutely. i have the putin translation.

duh, is bear in woods? you you have two edits now. edward snowden is in exile in russia. did he confuse like the kremlin with cinderella's castle and he thinks he is in the magic kingdom? they want a his secrets and the question is are they safe or not on the computer. >> he is like little red riding hood quizing the wolf. he never thought to do that with our governmentng with yes. it is because of all of the pome to ask him questions they have a camera on him and he knows exactly what he is going to say and he is right there. that is definitely -- he is putin's puppet. that would be a great name for the russian sin -- cinnemax show. because of the g-20 summit they bugged the goodie bags. that's thest thing you can do. mass surveillance in goodie bags? you will never trust again.

>> snowden you are a spy. we are speaking the same language of the communications going on at this time. >> that's what he said. >> the language of love. >> andy, go ahead and defend your hero, snowden. it is a little late. >> i am a little confused here, greg. of course the russian government sur veils the citizens. it is called keeping them safe. we live in a dangerous world, greg. there are a lot of threats facing russia. i am all for putin and the russian government doing everything they can to make sure their sit vens protected from those threats. if that means the government is reading e-mails and texts and keeping a record of their phone calls, greg, it is a small price to pay. plus i assumed the putin government was doing this. you are naive. >> apparently when they are spying on you they will break into your apartment and leave behind something that says to you that they were there. apparently one of the items is a 6 manual -- a sex manual on the bedside.

i am leaving my windows and dos open going baby come on in. >> i break in and leave a dirty protest. sometimes i get nervous. >> what is a dirty protest? >> nothing, gavin. what do you think of the selfies? >> what is with their teeth? i was shocked by their teethes. they look like chiclets eaten by a horse. >> is that a doctored photograph? >> i need to give them less sons on the selfie. that's a little too close. you need it farther away and up more. >> you shouldn't judge a horse by -- >> men actually want them closer to the camera to appear larger in real life. >> that's what we learned from wiener. >> i hope they are so self-obsessed that a they do something stupid like schmecretary -- come on he has had work. >> you are pursing your lips.

>> men shouldn't take selfies ever. end of story. >> they do it with girlfriends. >> you can't look like a man taking a a selfie. you look like a giddie schoolgirl. >> you you are saying i am attractive and god provided men with scrotum which means you are not sexy. >> you can't be sexy with that appendage. >> that shriek saying -- that is like saying don't ever think you are attractive. it is an underwater upside down alien head. >> that will be the new trend. scroto. it sounds like a delicious cereal. >> it is delicious, but it is not appealing. >> i like when my scrot os get soggy. >> have you had frozen scrotos. >> very tart. >> frozen scroto is amazing.

i worked there as a summer job. stop the scroto jokes. now to matters that are less exciting. paul has gal. paul krugman likes to rail against inequality, but he is putting his mouth where his money is. a couple of months ago the city of new york announced it is hiring its bearded blatherer to serve at his luxembourg center that researches income and equality. he said they paid him $225,000 for nine months of casual work and four times than the median household income. while he lives in luxury, these beavers watch in horror as their homes are destroyed.

>> terrible what they are doing to the poor beaver. you don't treat a beaver like that. back to what's his face. >> was that a flirt? if you lived as long as i have , then you have no idea how badly the beaver gets treated. >> i tried to get past the euphemisms and i failed once gn. once again. all right dagin. derwood. >> what are we talking about? >> i don't know. they called darrin derwood on

"bewitched." >> let's talk more 60s sitcom. >> dagin, amazing. >> that he should take that money and buy a mirror and look in it. that's the best research he will have on income and equality. that's all i got. general petraeus got a big amount of money from city university of new york. it is like $150,000. he was criticized and he took a dollar. >> he took it and harassed by students on the way to class. definitely deserved the money he would get. this is only a portion of what krugman makes. i like people to make a lot of money. >> with income equality and with ceo's of corporations when they make $25 million and the guys on the plan are making $25,000 a year it is infuriating, but what are you going to do? especially if paul krugman

says if globalization is a myth we are all going to be fine. we should out source all jobs. we should leave -- give up on the manufacturing, and then it blew up in his face and he went went -- paul krugman said i was wrong. his act quote was globalization has a dark side, but i won't say no to a massive amount of money to talk about something i know nothing about. >> that was per accept tiff of you. thank you. >> thank you. >> joanne, you get paid in wine and more wine, and you seem happy or at least drunk. does it matter that krugman rails when cashing huge checks? the checks allow him to fight the fight more, right? >> he needs this money. what else is he gonna write about? this is a part of the bigger plan, people.

this is a part of the plan to help with his writing. he needs to then -- he needs to have something to talk about. he is the subject of the paper. he gets a grad assistant? to do what? >> you know. >> i hope he pays them because that's a lot of work. >> it is a lot of work. >> it is ironic that the guy who came up with the idea that globalization is good and changed his mind is the head of income equality. he is the cause of income equality. >> that is ironic. go ahead and defend your hero. >> my only real problem is the university of new york is a public university. >> paid by taxpayers. >> me and my new york city residents have the privilege of paying his salary which is a privilege i would gladly give up. the real problem here is that a hack like him is actually -- has the prestige they want to

do this. krugman can shape and slice and leaves him open to assault, greg. and the person who said that was "new york times" am buds man in his farewell column. >> and this is a guy also by his own admission he doesn't read stuff written by conservatives because they agree with him. in a perfect world that would make him a horrible choice for a professor ship. but it actually makes him a great choice. >> he makes eight times what professors make. >> he doesn't have to teach his first year. >> what a great job that is. he can grope -- he can drop by and chat. >> when they announced they were giving him the job they didn't disclose how much money it was. >> they hired him for prestige to say they had a nobel prize winner. >> he is a well paid blogger. >> that's what it is. he has a cat, andy.

he likes to sit with his cat. that's what he does. >> that's a small cat. >> that's racist. >> i don't even want to know why you think that is racist. i don't know. i am all for him making money. >> that's the irony. he got that job being mad at other people making money. >> he should want everybody to make money and not just himself. that's the moral of today's story. coming up, my breakfast. i ate something i found in greg jarrett's head. what happens if you ban chocolate milk? i hope we never have to find out.

should they ban milk that's tan a some 11 elementary schools in oregon, they have them there, gavin, banned chocolate milk from school lunches in an effort to get kids -- are you okay? >> i am going like this because my cold hands. >> how many drinks did you have? >> it is the end of lept so after 40 days of maker's mark it was splendiferous. >> you could have waited until after the show. >> it would have been great for zero dollars. it was the best elixir invented by man. >> let me start over. 11 elementary schools in oregon banned chocolate milk from school lunches. but you are falling asleep. >> i am not falling asleep. i am itching my wedding ring thinking about this lady going what if?

>> let's start over. go back. 11 elementary schools in oregon -- >> are they editing that out? >> i am leaving it in. >> it helps you covet. >> anyway -- >> coming up. >> coming up, 11 elementary schools -- i think i said that now 11 times -- in oregon have banned chocolate milk from school lunches in an effort to get the kids to drink the healthier crappier skim milk, but they saw a drop in total milk sales and they drank almost 30% less milk than before. the students were getting less sugar and fewer calories the intake of calcium and protein also fell.

schools are cutting back on chicken nuggets. we asked a chicken to comment. ♪ >> did anybody -- in putting this show together, did anybody think maybe that was too long? let's go for 40 freaking seconds?

>> you know what, just start the story over. >> 11 elementary schools -- and i like chocolate milk. daggin, it seems the first reaction to a product is either everyone needs to have it or no one should be allowed to have it. 24r* is no middle ground. chocolate milk is so good. we can't let kids have it. >> and now the poor children didn't have milk to wash down the dry cardboard pizza with. very dry chicken tenders. i am surprised. it is oregon. you can't get more left than that that it is not soy milk or almond milk. >> and almond milk is disgusting. the school banned chocolate milk. is that racist? >> a little bit, but i don't know why. this is unintended consequences. unintended consequences are a

rich and vibrant part of liberalism. but it is okay because they are always in the right place and that's what really matters. >> do you remember the ethanol effect? >> yes. >> they mandate levels of ethanol and it leads to the price of american corn sky rocketing that leads to exports shrinking and an increase in global hunger. it happens every time. every time they intervene there are unintended consequences and they said we didn't know -- and they sound just like that. >> they do. joanne, you get most of your milk from new mothers dozing on the subway. they have a nickname for you. >> people will pay for that, by the way. >> liquid gold. >> they want kids to brink more milk. chocolate milk is milk.

>> they have it backwards. you can't even say there is more sugar in the chocolate milk when they are pushing fruit juices with just as much sugar. i remember being the milk monitor in kindergarten and wheeling the wagon and there were pouches of milk. do you remember the pouches? >> you are 12. we the cartons. >> they were plastic pouches you stick in the straw and the milk would get anywhere. i didn't even like the chocolate milk. >> you probably don't even know how to open it. >> it is either that or the knob on the side. >> it was a different time. >> that was eight years ago. >> these schools are becoming like fat cams and these things are contraband. these kids are then going to once they are out of school go nuts. >> they are going to fill the bathtub full of nesquick and have chocolate orgies.

>> i grew up in the 50s and our teacher said i don't want you dating any of the black kids. what a lot of the white girls would do is say i am not dating. they cut out all black guys from -- they cut out dating in general. >> i see the metaphor. if people don't drink milk if they don't have chocolate milk. i said what is going on with you ladies? they said chocolate is so delicious that we don't want to get involved. they ruined dating. >> i get the metaphor. >> wait, so you are saying, if i understand this correctly -- >> when i was a boy, they thought that black people were just too delicious. >> chocolate milk is awesome. regular milk is gross. >> yum. >> white milk i can't stand it. i was the milk monitor. >> we have a bump of nerds on this -- we have a bunch of

nerds on this panel. >> really? i was a milk monitor. >> i can hear the jealousy. >> i was in a gang. >> i was concerned about the calcium. >> don't you try to take a second milk, cleveland. >> all right, well, you know what, this was supposed to be a pro chocolate milk segment and it has turned into nothing of -- but rantings of a mad man. i love the glass bottle filled with creamy chocolate milk. >> good to know. >> when you are hung over there is nothing better than chocolate milk. >> if they had a chocolate milk drinking contest i would win. it is a talent i have yet to use.

sorry i am not as drunk as you are. >> oh that's it, hitting somebody's affliction. >> we have to take a break. >> peppermint schnaupps and chocolate milk is delicious. >> i think it is called a girl scout cookies. >> and you need ovaries to drink it. >> maybe he does. >> there is a choke -- there is a joke, but we are already losing the viewers. thanks, ghosts. you are welcome, greg. thank you forgiving me a platform to talk about the issues in the ghost community. what issues 1234 we are becoming an endangered species. we are hunted by fat nerds

with cameras. hope things get better, ghost. >> what is mr. pooh's favorite movie? angels with dirty fees cease?

psa, more likepoo-sa. you -- unicef is launching a

campaign to get people not to deaf pho ad sh cay sh to deficat nee public. 28 million people don't have toilet facilities at their school. they have a mascot called mr. pooh and its title is "take the pooh to the lou." i hope this is real. >> ♪ first thing in the morning and what do i see ♪ ♪ a pile of [bleep] ♪ staring at me ♪ no matter where i go ♪ there is no getting away ♪ it is the pooh-lou ♪ the pooh-lou >> wow, that is actually really, really good music. and i like it because it is a good idea and getting the word

out with a catchy song. >> but the pooh is having a good time. does it make you want to take it to the restroom? it is saying let's go out and i'm planning a vacation with you. >> it is preaching the wrong -- it is taking the poo out instead of putting it in. >> there is like a $350 pair of velvet italian made slippers hot in new york. it is the pooy -- poo-emogie. >> why is poo linked to the shoe? >> it just is. it is trendy. the poo-emogie is trendy. >> why do they market something to 50% of the population? men are the only guys that poo. they are cutting out half of the world.

women don't want that. >> they don't even know what it is. >> they say why am i hearing about the bubble gum process. the little bubble gums come out. right after their periods. >> why does that have to come out? >> a bubble gum square and then they are good. >> thank you for the biology lesson. >> that's what i think happens. >> a lot of things that you think happen never do. >> oh they poo? take a crap? what else do they do? beat up ninjas? >> andy, can you explain how this got this way? why is it in this day and age hundreds of millions of people without this? >> that's the thing. i am all for respecting other cultures. i am happy to be a child of western civilization. >> this is pathetic and bad. >> they say -- the unicef

coordinator says if we are silent we are contributors. it is basically if you smell something, say something. and this was banned in germany. they don't like the message. they want their poo where they want their poo. >> can we stop smearing the germs? >> joanne, is this song this year's call me maybe? >> it was 28 million children don't have toilet facilities in their schools. and then if you never used the toilet as a child you will not want to use one as an adult. what i don't understand is how watching this video will make more toilets and it is going to make sanitation issues better. >> this is an important point.

this is why global warming spending is such a dangerous thing. this is where the money should go. the money should be dealing with sanitation. if you are poo-ing outside the amount of disease you can get from that has to be astronomical. >> and kids touch everything. >> the problem with globalism is assuming all countries are the same. it is called a turd world for a reason. india is a toilet. i wouldn't be surprised if mr. poo is the prime minister. >> that's in the next video. >> one of the top officials is sheila [bleep]. >> i would have to disagree, but i think you are right. it is true. >> that is her married name. keep your maiden name. >> by the way, despite the fact her name is real we are still bleeping it. speaking of names, his name is cocaine.

a florida man was arrested for drug possession. the judge did a double take because his name looked double fake. >> how about edward cocaine? >> what? >> we saw it -- we thought it -- >> what a is your last name? >> my last name is cocaine. >> how many times did the police tell you to step out of the car in your life? >> just about every time i get pulled over. >> cocaine then went on to explain the unusual name. >> my great grandparents came here from greece. >> they changed it from avakokini to cocaine and that was in the 1920s. >> he was arrested for possession of xanax which is funny because across town a guy named xanax was arrested for possessing cocaine. what is the real story here? it is not about his name.

the real story is when it comes to like a dude has coke in jaw jamaica, he did have coke. this guy had some xanax on him. the whrol -- the whole western world is on add -- aderol. you need the xanax to come down. he didn't do anything wrong by having a few tabs. >> i have them when i fly. you have to have it in a prescription container. >> as far as i'm concerned l.a. is a half hour away. sir you need to get off the plane. oh i'm sorry. >> we should point out he had six pounds of xanax. >> that is a bit rich. >> it is not measured in pounds. >> he had a few tabs. he's fine. leave him alone. >> you can't have a last name

like cocaine and be a fat dope. your body has to go with the name. >> the worst part is that the judge starts to do a stand up routine. how many times do the cops ask you to step out of the car? >> in his defense he is talking about -- talked to a guy who stabbed a baby and ate a head. >> that was the highlight of the day. >> every 9th thursday he can make a joke. >> he was like judge leno. make a better joke. >> i would rather have a funny judge than hanging judge. >> and we know how generous they are after lunch. mr. cocaine was like i'm making the judge laugh. what i thought was funny was the public defender. he goes, no cocaine cocaine.

>> it was the worst joke ever and it took for of to come up with the crap joke. >> that was the lamest joke in the history of jokes. he finally said, no cocaine, cocaine. and then he says sorry. i want him in jail. >> i jo wanted to -- i just wanted to point out your last name and you are mocking cocaine. >> i guess you are right. >> i smell that one. >> i don't know how you can't. i smell that one. >> lent was 40 days of no booze. can i have a maker's mark. >> you are making up for all 40. >> next year we have to book

gavin on the 39th day. >> if i had only known. i should have been following my -- now you are drinking herb water. now you will have to pee by the e block. time to take a break. don't leave now. more stuff to talk about. new york time's best seller. amazon.com and buy it at a local bookstore. i will be at your belinda -- yorba linda. and you can buy a jacket and a hat and a t-shirt and a coffee mug at g gutfeld.com. they are pretty awesome.

he got the boot and a lot of loot which makes us ask -- >> is this evil? >> i wasn't ready. what is

better than work forget yahoo!? not working for yahoo! apparently. after only 15 months with the company, enrique de castro was fired from his position at chief operating officer walking away with a severance package worth $58 million which is easily twice my salary. they had stolen him away from his job at google hoping his expertise would improve yahoo!'s ad sales, but it didn't. they say enrique was not a bit bit -- that is regrettable conclusion and a conclusion we tried to avoid, but it was the right decision in the end for the company. in the end, literally, right? technically the package is from yahoo! stocks, but does it make it less evil? >> he only gets a million bucks in cash, dude. you can't even buy a tent in

silicon valley. i think she is using him as the fall guy because she wasn't getting it done in terms of ad sales. she wasn't taking the blame for it. stocks are up. that's why this package is worth so much money. >> what does yahoo! do because i don't know. i am infuriated by this lack of equality. there is nothing we can do about it. when we see them make the same amount of money we say this is wrong, but in forcing some sort of justice is worse. >> you have to sit at home and go sh -- there is nothing you can do. >> joanne, you had relationships that lasted the same time. did you ever get good gifts or package. >> i steal things. i stole a toaster oven and it was one of the most resourceful things.

>> who would you date that didn't have a toaster oven. >> it was in college. it was gold. >> he was a rich kid. >> i think it is great the uc's make so much money. they have stress and so it is comparable. that's what i hear. do you think de castro will go back to any job? >> why would you ever work again? this is the time where i sim that you thighs with the occupy movement. it is obscene and we can't pretend. >> it is only unseen if you own stock in yahoo!. who gives a flying flip? they hired him and gave him the package. >> it doesn't bother you one bit? >> no.

i just want to know if the duty is single. i think it is genius he walked away with this much coin. >> i have had e-mail as my e brail -- e-mail because i don't how to not have it. they did a redesign and you can't use yahoo!. it is terrible. i can't use it. but i can't lose it because it has my life. >> you use a blackberry and .com.-mail is greg at yahoo! >> close. or blank . mind spring. >> a kid in a claw machine.

andy will be on the independent friday at 9:00 p.m. on our fox business network. he is part of "seven deadly since" special. >> we were in the sale -- the same segment. i touched his knee. >> tomorrow camille foster and remi spencer and sam morell is back. >> e block. las story. that's the last story.

>> pretty certain all of those guests will be sober. he went from awe to claw. a 3-year-old boy managed to squeeze his way moo the game at a nebraska bowling alley after escaping from his home unnoticed. police eventually tree treefed the child -- retrieved the child. how does this happen? >> best fort ever. is mama didn't lock the door and kid is out the door. whe are you gonna go? you are going to hang out with stuffed toys. make it happen. >> gavin, what would you do if that was your child? >> she didn't lock the door? i wish i could meet somebody south of the mason dixon line. door. door. >> the truth about the story is haunting. >> don't say anything disgusting. >> it is not disgusting. the woman had a miscarriage -- >> see! stop it! you are a

father. shut up! >> it lives on snacks and smartees. >> shut up! >> a few people tried to rescue it. >> can you stop talking? stop talking. >> it lived. >> stop talking. >> it is a wonderful human being. >> this is not an accident. they didn't leave when she wasn'ting looing. wasn't looking. you are not -- going to go there and get me that money and then was distracted by the toys. she climbed up and said no this is not the plan. >> that's exactly like a premie case. it has the plexiglass and the warm lights. of course it it lives. >> i always wanted to be in there because it looked like fun. i never won anything. i always believe it was a scam. why are those games so hard?

>> first of all this is cheating. the kid has no respect for the rules. what happened was they were trying to get him out and they kept dropping him. they called him jake segford. until his best friend was killed and he hasn't clawed since. they brought him in and he was sweating and they con quinced him to try it and on the first try he got the kid out. >> he was driving across the country and coming out of retirement. he was tempted to have a drink. >> they said you have to let him go. he said that's what happens. that was the problem. >> the movie is called "never letting go." >> can't wait to see it. i of. >> me either.

thank you. that does it for me. i'm greg gutfeld. see you next time.

this is a fox news alert. president obama just wrapped up a news conference at the white house where he addressed the crisis in ukraine and also took another victory lap on obamacare and engaged in one of his favorite pastimes, bashing republicans. >> i find it strange that the republican position on this law is still stuck in the same place that it has always been. they said nobody would sign up. they were wrong about that. they said it would be unaffordable for the country. they were wrong about that. they were wrong to keep trying to repeal a law that is working when they have no alternative answer for millions of americans with preexisting conditions who would be denied coverage again. or every woman who would