that is a great picture, thank you for joining us, we'll see you again on monday. there is a special end of the week open thread for you, thank you for joining us. phil is up next. tonight, on "red eye." >> coming up on "red eye," what was lou dobbs doing this morning while most americans were still in bed? the incredible footage that will make your weekend look totally lame? plus, are the president and joe biden cutting a rap video and when will it be finished? >> this is a project that we're working hard on to get it done this year. >> and finally, will corgys and goats get along or will they always be enemies? this and more stories on "red

eye". >> well, she is so hot she has a tattoo on her back that says "caution, hot." in los angeles, congratulations on that hand, and everything is bigger in texas, including her mouth. it is comedy writing jenny johnson. his talking car is in the shop but if you invite him to your diner, he will fix your juke box who is going to teach the sharp how to survive him? >> sitting right next to me, u.s. special forces member terry shepherd. >> if beauty were timed right you would be eternity. and o-- awful. >> all right, do they need do with their number two? the school in florida, they have them there, will no longer serve

children mountain dew before the test, they have been giving them the cup of the cure, along with trail mix. prior to the florida comprehensive assessment test the principal said she started the soda and drink regimen while reading about it in a journal, the mountain dew was supposed to get kids excited before the test. they were encouraged to get a good night's sleep and wear comfortable clothes. we go to our mountain dew activist, tim diamond, you are a mountain dew activist, is that correct? >> that is correct, but i prefer the term dewer, it is all id ew. >> and should kids be allowed to drink it before the test?

>> of course they should, do you want tests to be down in the mountains or sipping some dew. very simple solution, more mountain dew, you can't crash if you never come down. >> that is a good point. do you think the media is attacking mountain dew? >> of course they do, this is another shameless attack in the war on dew, just like the rumors that mountain dew lowers your sperm count, not all dewers are evil-doers. >> good point, clearly you talk the talk but also drink the drink. >> i do, i live on a strictly mountain dew diet, starting my day with two, for lunch, i have a code red, spice things up, for dinner, i have a two liter of mountain dew. >> it doesn't affect your mood at all? >> no, not at all, i'm a very

passive well level dew. >> all right, keep doing what you do, you strange man. all right, i never knew, jenny about mountain dew being used as a study aid for children, i think it is wonderful. >> well, this is florida, so chances are children have just come off a diet of sugary surreal. my nominate is, it's florida. >> florida is the greatest state in the union. that is to stop the letters from coming in. and i was just in florida and i didn't see any strippers on meth. sadly, i was looking. lauren, you actually stripped for a long time and that didn't work out. but do you believe that crystal meth -- >> depends on your definition of success. >> success is not clamydia. that is like a double insult, by the way, not only were you a

stripper you were not good at it. >> in florida. >> speaking of riddles, do you think mountain dew can help you solve puzzles. >> yeah. no, listen, i'm more concerned about this trail mix that they're also giving the kids which i read it was a mixture of almonds, raisins, ritalin and aderol. the principal, her excuse for this is that she read about it in an educational journal, like honey boo boo's guide to success. >> in florida. >> we're going to hear about this. >> i know. but i do agree with you about the whole trail mix thing. i think they also call it gorp, remember gorp. >> is that the street name? >> but they pretend that it was invented for hikers, but it was

invented by drunk mothers who had to feed their children. they found food underneath sofa cushions, but there would be like trail mix. >> a key that goes to nowhere. >> already we're going to be sued by florida and big trail mix. >> and drunk mom. >> kerry, welcome back, you look as grizzled as ever. >> thank you, you're welcome for your freedom. there is a reason that you look like this is to keep you people -- >> keep me stripping. >> keep you on antibiotics. >> out of florida. >> you would be eating cat food -- >> no, i look at your beard and it is like a bear skin rug and i want to roll all over it naked. get a picture. >> dear diary.

what is wrong with this? if it helps students they should be able to have it. >> if it increases the test scores, like really buzz kill grandmother, let it go. i thought it was interesting, the medical study, mountain dew, trail mix, i like that idea. i think the same thing, too, in the military, sure there was a time they give us stuff to keep us awake and make us sleep. >> they don't do that anymore. >> not saying that do that now. >> some say o-- >> studies have shown. >> there was a time i would have signed up then. >> you would have fought for your country. >> that is right. >> if lance armstrong were to bike -- a cocktail of fun stuff. >> he won that tour de france even without a bike. hey, andy that was an old joke i used on "the five." just thought i would let you know. andy, you drink soda constantly

and you can barely stay awake on this show. do you think it was a placedo study -- >> the cognitive studies -- >> several studies show that nicotine, you have to give the kids a quick puff or throw a patch on them. >> the amazing test scores is immoral, maybe in obama's america, not in mine. >> they probably are filled with second hand smoke because of their moms, and florida. >> like you said with the meth there is a good chance the mountain dew is to calm them down. >> it is -- >> what did florida do to you? what happened there? >> as a former news producer i wrote many stories that began in florida and ended with -- and everything was fine. >> my theory on florida, i spent a lot of time there and it is

great. it is hot down there. when you have hot weather you have a lot of people outside and you're more likely to do crazy things outside than inside. that is why on "cops" everybody is shirtless. >> that is why crime rate goes up. >> that is true, there were no urban murders in new york in january because it was snowing. >> and there is a dedication, called florida man -- >> anyway, last week, russian president vladimir putin was asked if he thought that president obama would save him if he were drowning, and he did. and south korea, our president agreed -- >> i absolutely would save mr. putin if he were drowning. i would like to think that if anybody is out there drowning i'm going to save them. i used to be a pretty good

swimmer. i grew up in hawaii. >> i'm sure he meant to say kenya. meanwhile, he explained what war between russia and the u.s. would look like, it would be a quote, bloody mess, he said the best option would be if we fought something like a proxy war. and russia helped the north vietnamese beat the u.s. in southeast asian, if that pattern holds and ukraine is the battle ground then it is bad news for the occupying army. what would a war look like? nasa just released this troubling video. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> well, you know what? if they came to invade i would

surrender, and then worship them. putin drowning, would president obama be right to save him? >> who cares? >> did hitler and roosevelt ask these questions? >> come on, stupid questions like that, that upsets you. >> it really bothers you. >> should he be impeached? >> i'm not saying yes, i'm not saying -- >> all right, i like that answer. lauren, you have actually had the opportunity to save people from drowning but passed on it because you didn't want to ruin your alexander mcqueen boots. >> in fairness, greg, they were not world leaders. >> but they were 4 years old, they might have grown up to be world leaders. >> unless they were from florida. >> i mean, obviously, obama just wanted that question so he could brag about what a great swimmer he is. >> yeah, we know. >> but i think that a war with

russia, what it would look like, hopefully shirtless, if we know anything from vlad, in a tank, shirtless, but two of them, that i might sign on for. >> yeah, but obama would have a good old bike helmet on. >> who would show up on the horse with a battle axe. >> by the way, he is so much better. >> jenny, what do you make of the possibility of a russian-american war, does it bother you? >> well, i have to say that russia, given our previous olympics. let's just say that i have already trashed florida so let's jump on russia. our olympians were basically showering in sewage, i don't think we want to have a war let alone travel there. unless they prepare for a war like they prepare for olympics, then we would easily win. >> they prepared with $50,000 on

a road. the challenge with the russians, they may not have everything they need but they will spend everything they have to kill us. >> they will have to keep their fantastic weather, their great food, their comedies. they have so much more. >> yeah. >> and they really have a lot to offer. >> i'm married to one, jenny, she is going to kick my ass, went president obama telling the truth -- >> he was telling the truth about saving putin, but not about something else, greg -- chuck, do we play that tape? >> i grew up in hawaii. >> he goes to his ear when he says i grew up in hawaii. you can tell he is lying. >> yeah, he is lying, he is absolutely lying. >> where did he grow up, andy? >> i think we all know where he grew up. and it was not a place where you could go swimming. >> where perry is going -- >> a place where there are a

number of dogs missing. i want to get to you, because you are -- >> i don't like to fight. >> i know, but okay -- >> where is your beret? >> you will have to find it. okay, the real casualty in the russian/american war is me because i am married to a russian. what do i do? what happens in situations where there is a conflict, but the couple is like -- because i know we're going to say it is fine but then when it happens, it is not going to end well, will it? >> i met your wife. >> she will kill me. we're going to have to fight to the death. >> you're going to have to stay in your apartment, saying time starts now. >> you're going to have to kill her or she is going to kill you. >> i think you are going to have to go. time starts now. >> no, she will take me. she would kill me for less. >> and not that her russian family, you're done. >> i want to make a point where we could never be at war with

russian, because let's face it, they are too hot. i mean, the russian women are beautiful and look at the men. >> i'm sorry, putin shirtless on the horse? come on. >> they're the kind of guys that don't wear underwear with their sweat pants. >> how do you know that? oh, from the stripping. they're making a stink, employers were asked which personal attributes would keep them from hiring them, they said tattoos. this could be a step without a step at america's work place demos giving surveys that show at least 81% of young americans have a tattoo. and banning neck or head ink along with sleeve tattoos among arms or legs or other things. it applies to new recruits. soldiers covered in ink are grandfathered in.

sounds kinky. >> i know. >> why can't we solve all of our problems that way? that i how i do it. hey, show me -- terry's new tattoo. >> not new. >> i thought you were working on those -- >> oh, no, these are old, i've had these. >> but here is the thing, i want to ask you about the army regulations. because i think -- >> just take your shirt off -- >> are we going to lose out? because if you want to fight for your country who cares if you have a tattoo? >> here is how i look at it. i'm old and beat up, my time is over, but the military is moving into what i call the peace time army. i showed up for an interview at

your -- >> network. >> i was going to say company. >> or your strip club. or your news office in florida. >> you wouldn't know that i have tattoos and that is the way i like it. i do agree in the military you should not have neck ones and hands, because in your dress uniform you should all look like what you are. i think one is what is happening now, this is what happenings when the military starts to draw down, they have to start to filter guys coming in. when the war was at its height they had no problem taking guys like that. but can i say something else? >> no. >> i'm going to. because this is about me. i do judge people with tattoos, because when i see someone coming i go oh, are they a hoodlum like me or what? i get that, i have for problem understanding. >> you're like a black person who crosses the street when they see another black person. you're a racist? >> i'm a tattoo racist, i'm a tattoo judger.

but i understand that. i'm also never going to have a real job. it's not going to happen. >> you're the only real job at this whole table. >> yeah, but i understand, people go oh, you shouldn't judge me, we're judged every day all the time on everything. it is no problem. >> yeah, lauren, most women have like a tattoo on the lower part of their back, they usually have a tattoo. oddly enough, dolphins have a tattoo on the lower back. no question again just thought i would put that out there for you. >> it is interesting. >> yeah, anyway -- >> no, listen, the guys with the neck tattoo that is who i want to be fighting our wars. they are fearless, psychotic, some of them. that is who i want in the military. but i don't want a guy with a neck tattoo telling me what kind of insurance to buy. if you're not smart enough to go to college and know you need to get a job one day, i don't want to see like, i love murder.

>> i will be great, though, if they were at the gynecologist and had a huge neck tattoo. >> that is what i like for myself, but it is like a personality opinion. i mean, if i had to have surgery, i wouldn't want my surgeon to look like tommy lee, but i would dry a drum set. we can say we don't judge, but i'm sorry. >> yeah, a tattoo, as you may know, greg, when i got the tattoo at 18 years old, an idiot. there was no such thing as a tramp stamp. >> you're like a pioneer. >> you have the donald on your back, you call it a tramp stamp. >> i have a life size tattoo of you on my ankle. >> really! that was a small joke. >> well played. >> we got to go, they're yelling

at me. coming up, terry, we're going to let a lucky viewer find the knife. and are they more entertaining, well, they are more lifelike than andy lee.

she has been a princess, a mermaid, an aerobics instructor. >> live from the red eye debate center. >> anyway, well, tonight's red eye, live from the red eye debate center from east lansing, michigan, hello, all you east lansingers, anyway, mattel and

sony pictures have an announcement about the producer of "sex & the city." they call it a truly funny concept. and buzz feed reports the live action film will quote, see barbie in havoc. and princess, president, yeah, right. mermaid, to inspire change in the lives of everyone around her. speaking of setting anyone back, training, practice throwing a grenad grenade. >> yes. she -- >> the throwing barbie.

>> she throws like a girl. >> you know what? i'm glad you said that and not me. >> jenny, are you as concerned as i am that this movie will not be as good as the doll? >> i don't know that the doll was that great to begin with. >> you're not an american. >> well, you know there was the human barbie, who is by the way -- >> ukrainian. >> i didn't want to say, i am glad you said it and i didn't. but i think as long as they just really stick with barbie, i want ken to be there, genitalia is gone, just completely smooth. i really stick with it, skipper, flat chested. i need everything to be accurate. >> i want the house to be the malibu barbie, the ranch style house. >> i want the pink corvette. >> and lauren, you were offered the part of barbie's alcoholic

disaster of a friend. gabigail, i don't even if that is a real name. is barbie a good role model for girls? >> i'm sorry, did you say i was offered -- >> she teared up. >> i got all excited. very emotional. >> really happy for you. >> everybody is really happy for you. >> i think you're playing porn star number three. >> isn't there a barbie in every feature length film? they say this it the first, it is not. >> that is a perceptive comment. >> i'm shocked, my favorite part of that story, she is going to inhabit her iconic profession. it is kind of funny and silly and stupid. but i want to know -- the movie

would be her interaction with her closeted boyfriend, ken. >> he would probably be her best friend and get her to like open up. >> ken is so great at doing my hair. aren't i lucky? >> i can't believe she hasn't asked him to marry her yet. >> we got tickets to lady gaga! >> i think it is, that is the plot from "toy story." i'm going this is not an original idea. remember, because ken is really meticulous in "toy story," he never really likes her. maybe it was "toy story" 2, i don't know. >> actually, you're on a roll. >> spends less time defending the country, more time watching mov movies. >> but i don't have children. >> it was "toy story 3".

>> you're a big fan of barbie, could this movie tarnish her legacy? >> absolutely not, i think now although move into the williams studies at women's they're going to look at that. it is going to be a thoughtful dissertation. i think it is great. boobs. >> andy, you have a large collection of doll heads in your apartment. it is important to have hobbys. >> they're not doll heads, everything used to be. >> here are the studies shown that if the proportions were taken to actual size she couldn't survive. she wouldn't be able to lift anything because of her skinny wrists. this is going to be like the elephant man. >> she sounds like one really beautiful -- >> i think she is going to be a stunner. >> i think it should be a live action movie that involves real people and barbie dolls.

and they should like admit, they actually trip and fall and go to the emergency room. >> what? >> coming up, the c block. tonight's c block is sponsored by pants, an item of clothing worn from the waist to ankles covering both legs separately. >> greg, you love being on the show but i love it even more when i'm on your floor. well, aren't you saucy, pants? yes, you need to learn to eat pasta without dropping noodles. i think i need to retire. how awesome is this buzz? i want answers on my desk by the time we come back.

was it just a game, or was he in pain? this week, an unidentified insect who prefers to stay that way apparently twirled a piece of popcorn with his legs for hours. let's roll some tape of this roller rollers. >> somehow, special report missed this story. and it is shameful. but a science writer for

"discover magazine" wondered on twitter if the critter was having a crisis. meanwhile, the insect played like that nonstop for three whole hours, meaning at no point did he stop in to help the bug, which raises the question? >> is this evil. >> hence my sign, lauren, is this evil? is it racist, is it evil? >> by the way, it is white pop corn? >> is it racist? is it evil? i am the graphics department. >> is it racist, evil? >> no, but i mean look at this, this poor guy, all the guy had to do was just tip the little bug over and the bug could have gotten home for his little bug family. now his wife and kids are going where is he? will he come home? you know what?

dammit, lauren, he thinks he is walking. >> what if he is having the time of his life? what if he is just working out? i had an existential crisis just watching it. i mean, this guy has it down, why do we even think he is in trouble? >> because i empathize in ways i can't even explain. maybe he thinks it is an exercise he invented. >> he does think he is walking. the problem right now as an insect he is vulnerable to predators. you should take the pop corn and move it away. dude, do you not have a job? three hours you're watching? also help the guy out, pick up the pop corn, eat the pop corn, it is probably clean and have the bug walk. bugs. >> if there is bugs in pop corn

anyway -- could he possibly get an agent and become some kind of celebrity in the bug community? i mean, he is -- >> i mean, i'm watching it and it is no different than i watch lindsay lohan's show on own. it is no different than watching lindsay lohan just sleep until 4:00. it is just the same thing, we're pointing and laughing. if this was a kid and somebody actually sat there and said hey, let's take this stupid kid and watch him roll this around for four hours there would be outrage. >> if it was like an elderly person it would be funny. >> well, in florida -- >> in florida. >> andy, where do you stand on this on the bug? >> no, i would never do that. >> i'm with lauren, the bug is working out. somewhere right now there are aliens gathered around work tube, watching video of a human on a treadmill. they're doing the samething,

why is he on there for so long? >> he was on there for 30 minutes. >> also remember, the legs are a long workout for bugs. they have six of them. three hours is really not that much. >> he will feel the burn. he will feel it. >> feel the burn. he will probably need some mountain dew after. >> you know, i can't help but think this bug and that pop corn is a metaphor for the obamacare debac debacle. it really is. >> it really is. >> i just thought i would work a little politics into the show. and speaking of computer generated japanese pop star who will open for lady gaga on her north american tour beginning next month. the 5'2"3-d image, they could have made her taller, she is a hologram, who projected in front

of a live jam at shows was originally created as a mascot for a boy's program. since then she has amassed a following and played to arenas sold out all over japan. so why the dig obsession with a she-bot? let's have a listen. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> well, i know who i'm going to be seeing this summer? some dude named frank. terry, how long have you been a fan? i find her to be amazing. >> i was consulted on what i wanted her to look like, and i wanted a 5'2" japanese hologram.

>> are we going to get to the point where we have one you can have sex with -- i think there is a weird detachment, you wouldn't be rejected by that. so no matter what, that little animated person is going to love you, faults and all, greg, and i think that is what is going on. and that is a nice thing. >> that is beautiful. and lauren, you have been called a hologram for your shallow personality and your lack of caring nature. >> yeah, the lack of personality. do you understand that deception. >> by the way, lady gaga without makeup? she is a hologram performance. i mean there is a team that works on that. my problem with following her,

she is never going to get arrested for a dwi, never end up in a celebrity rehab. those are the pop stars i want to follow. >> she is not going to hook up with james franco, and get hepatitis. most of the pop stars lip sync. >> this is an honest pop star. >> but also, this is japan. >> oh, here we go. wait. wait. >> we're on to japan now. and i'm going to say that some of the weirdest stuff i have ever seen comes out of japan. and lauren is a dear friend and we exchange a lot of texts. and some of the ones that come from japan, i would say some of the ones we shared it will curl your hair. >> they have hair curlers in

japan. >> they can't have curly hair, the japanese don't do that. >> japan seems like a fun place, but it seems like you can get into so much trouble because there is an endless supply of things to do. would you ever play with a hologram? >> it is at the point now, if you think you have come up with some new weird concept or fetish, if you do a google search they have been doing it in japan since 1998. >> they are the trail blazerers of the truly unusual, and i think we have to salute them. all right, we have to take a break. still on the best seller list. amazon.com, look at these young ladies. what are they doing? oh, one is laughing, you know why? she is happy, she is wearing my face on her back.

i can get you one, but you have to pay for it even though you're in the military. oh yeah, you think you get the crap for free.

whenever we do this story, we do it every year. and i recognize why do we do this story anyway? so who is the most influential? but you know what. they're going to agree with me. >> coming up, the mosting story you will ever see, coming up, when lout has the most clout? >> live, from the red eye debate center. >> well, tonight's red eye debate from huntsville, alabama, i'm greg gutfeld, as a

precaution, all the people in the front row will have to strip down to their underwear just because last night it got a little ugly. time magazine has released the 100 most influential list. and once again they failed to include channing tatum's abs or nipples. and beyonce made the cover, so i guess she made the cutd the nba player, pope francis, hillary clinton, and edward snowden. the magazine missed a lot of key movers and shake ers so to filln the gaps without further ado, here are the 100 most influential in the world.

♪ ♪ ♪ >> he was from "too close for comfort". >> never saw the show. >> well, you didn't miss much but he was fantastic. i think our montage collector didn't understand what the story was. >> also was not 100. >> should we try to do 100 next time? >> i think so. >> lauren, you were on the cover of drunk chick's magazine of most influential drunk chicks. what do you think of this? >> you thought it was twice -- >> go on. what do you think -- i mean, this is the list of the most fascinating people on the planet? what, hard for me to stay awake

reading through all of this. i think it is funny, though, they had some of the honorees writing about some of the other, hillary clinton had to write about john kerry, like oh, it drives me nuts, the guy that has my job now. you know she just wants to write check, and be president. >> i was not on the list, jenny, and neither were you, but beyonce was. >> she was on the cover. >> that is because she married jay-z. >> what a slap in the face of the pope. the girl who sang boodilicious, it was a great album. what a middle finger to everybody who has actually done something. >> yeah, that is true. >> i had a direct line to the pope, he was kind of upset. they kind of prepped him and told him he was going to be on

the cover. how does barack obama get to write a tribute to pope francis? >> he is not even from here. his whole government is like the whole birth control thing -- >> your whole chest is getting red. >> your diary, he laughed. >> and you made the cover of depressive shut-in magazine. >> they're laughing because it is true. >> we're actually expecting record low attendance. so we're all pretty unexcited about that. >> you know, andy, the most influential people of course are the jews. and they were not on the list because they kept the jews off the list so they could do all their work behind the scenes controlling the media and our thoughts. >> i think it is also one of those things once you make the

hall of fame you're not eligible during the year. the war on fox news, megyn kelly was on there, congratulations to her. somebody has to say it. >> yeah, i completely forget. i'm going to take a break now. >> is she from florida? can i get security? >> coming up, david gregory. and vé

. his show is on the brink, so they hired a shrink. or did they? david gregory denies that nbc hired a psychological consultant to help fix the struggling "meet the press." as sir gregory said there was never a psychological consultant hired. that is utter fiction, there was never any psychological consultant hired. >> that is utter fiction, gossip reporting gone wild. >> says the network brought in a marketing strategist to develop the program's branding.

but of course he would say that, jenny, wouldn't he? >> he would say that. and you know what the problem is, covered in tattoos. they probably did, he had no idea who he was talking to. >> they told him he bawas the marketing consultant. >> his name was dr. phil. terry, could it be that he is just unlikable, and refuses it? >> yeah, your show sucks, and you brought in somebody to make it not suck, and now you have to deal with it because it still sucks. i was using that as hey, we're talking about him from a third person? >> oh, shut up, terry. >> your show is awesome. >> lauren, your station in l.a., they brought in shrinks to help, did that help? >> i was going to say, good news

they're not bringing in psychological analysts on this show. y'all would be locked up if anybody got a look at you and what you do in your free time. why don't they analyze the viewers of "meet the press." find out why you haven't gotten the message to move on everybody. it is a third-rated show. everybody is over at cbs and fox news sunday. i can't believe they're still watching. >> andy, i got a minute here, i might as well let you say something stupid, david gregory's hair. >> his hair is beautiful, his hair is not the problem, anybody that says his hair is a problem, has a problem. his hair is gorgeous. >> stop it. >> utter gossip. >> i know he says this is not true. and i really hope it is not because if it is, it means he let nbc send a shrink to interview his wife and friends, really, would you ever do that? >> i would.

>> i would volunteer to be interviewed on andy's behalf. >> that would be great. >> i think we all would have something to say about that. >> i think i'm going to let this show just run out, and thank you for sharing. >> one of those '80s things. me

back on monday. have a great weekend. hello everyone i'm dana perino along with kimberly guilfoyle, bob beckle, jesse waters who is turning on his phone right now and greg gutfeld. it's 5:00 in new york city and this is "the five." well, dozens of sick veterans died while waiting for health care at the va medical center in arizona. some senators are demanding a congressional investigation. a new report says that feds waited -- vets waited months even years and the va created secret waiting lists. >> they dismissed him like an animal.