live from america's news head quarters a couple highlights for white house correspondent's dinner. this is arguably the biggest night of the washington social year, an opportunity for senior officials to hob knob with the press core and punch lines were aimed at the top guy in washington, d.c. president obama proved once again he can dish out as well as he can take them. >> can we get the new presidential set up out here?

it's worked before. that is more like it. it is great to be back. what a year, huh? i usually start these dinners with a few jokes after my stellar 2013, what can i possibly talk about? i admit it. last year was rough. sheesh. at one point things got so bad, the 47% called mitt romney to apologize. of course, we rolled out health

care.gov. that could have gone better. and in 2008 my slogan was yes, we can. in 2013 my slogan was control, alt, delete. on the plus side, they did turn the launch of health care.gov into one of the year's biggest movies. but, rather than dwell on the past i would like to pivot to this dinner. let's welcome our headliner this evening, joel mchale. on community joel plays a

preening self obsessed narcissit. i want to thank the white house correspondent association for hosting us tonight i am a little jet lagged from my trip to malaysia. the lengths we have to go to to get cnn coverage these days. i think they're still searching for their table. msnbc is here. they're a little overwhelmed they've never seen an audience this big before.

but look, everybody is trying to keep up with this incredibly fast-changing media landscape. i got a lot of grief on cable news for promoting obamacare to young people between two fronts. but that is what young people like to watch. to be fair i am not the first person on television between two potted plants. sometimes i do feel disrespected by you reporters but that is okay. seattle seahawks corner back richard sherman is here tonight. he gave me great tips on how to handle it. jake tapper don't you ever talk

about me like that. i'm the best president in the game! what do you think, richard? is that good? more feeling next time? while we're talking sports last month an american won the boston marathon for the first time in 30 years. which was inspiring. and only fair since a kenyan has been present for the last six. to even things out. we had other athletes here tonight including olympic snow boarding gold medallist jamie anderson is here. we're proud of her.

talented young lady. michelle and i watch olympics we cannot believe what these folks do. i can't seen anymore pull a 180 like that since rand paul disinvited that nevada rancher from this dinner. and the general rule, things don't end well, it's the sentence starts, let me tell you something i know about the negro. you don't need to hear the rest of it. just a tip for you. don't start your sentence that

way. speaking of rand paul, colorado legalized marijuana this year. an interesting social experiment. i do hope it doesn't lead to a lot of paranoid people that think that the federal government is out to get them and listening for phone calls. that would be a problem. and speaking of conservative heros, kokh brothers bought a table here tonight but used a shadowy right wing organization as a front hello, fox news. i'm just kidding. let's face it, fox, you'll miss me when i'm gone. don't be harder to convince the

american people that hillary was born in kenya. a lot of are us are concerned about the way big money is influencing our politics. i remember when a super pack was me buying marlboro 100 instead of regulars now, that it's 2014, washington is obsessed on the mid terms, folks saying with my sagging poll numbers my fellow democrats don't want me campaigning with them. and i don't think that is true. i did notice the other day that sasha needed a speaker at career day and she invited bill clinton.

i was a little hurt by that. both sides are doing whatever it takes to win. the ruthless game. republicans, this is a true story. republicans brought m a group of consultants to teach their candidates how to speak to women. this is true. and i don't know it will work for women but i understand american teen-age boys are signing up to run for the snat in droves. anyway. while you guys focus on a horse race, i'm going to do what i do, focused on every day americans just yesterday i read a heart breaking letter. i get letters from folks around the country every day. i get ten that i read this, one got to me. virginia man stuck in the same part time job for years. no respect from his boss.

no chance to get ahead. i really wish eric cantor would stop writing me. you need to pick up the phone, eric. and i'm feeling sorry, believe it or not for the speaker of the house as well. these days house republicans actually giving john boehner a harder time than they give me. which means orange really is the new black. but i have not given up the idea of working with congress in fact, two weeks ago senator ted cruz and i, we got a bill

done together. and i have to say the signing ceremony was something special. got a picture of it, i think. i know. washington seems more dysfunctional than ever. gridlock so bad in this town you have to wonder what did we do to piss off chris christie so bad? one issue we haven't been able to agree on is unemployment insurance republicans continue to refuse to extend it. you know what? i am beginning to think they've got a point. if you want to get paid while not working you should have to run for congress just like

everybody else. of course there is one thing that keeps republicans busy. they have tried more than 50 times to repeal obamacare. despite that, 8 million people signed up for health care in the first open enrollment. which does lead one to ask how well does obamacare have to work before you don't want to repeal it? what if everybody's cholesterol drops to 120? what if your yearly checkup came with tickets to a clippers game. not the old don sterling clippers the new, oprah clippers would that be good enough? what if it gave mish mcconnell a pulse? what is it going to take?

anyway. this year i've promised to use more executive actions to get things done without congress. my critics call this imperial presidency. truth is, i just show up every day in my office and do my job. got a picture of this, i think. you would think they'd appreciate a more assertive approach considering that the new conservative darling is vladimir putin. last year pat buchanan said he was headed straight for the nobel peace prize. he said this. it sounds crazy, but just to be fair they give those to just about anyone these days so it

could happen. but it's not just pat. rudy giuliani said putin is what you call a leader. mike huckabee and sean hannity keep talking about his bare chest. which is kind of weird. look at us they talk about it a lot. it is strange to think that i just two and a half years left in this office. everywhere i look there are reminders i only hold this job temporarily. but, it's a long time between now and 2016 and anything can happen. you may have heard the other day hillary had to dodge a flying shoe at a press conference.

i want that picture. regardless of what happens, i brought my last campaign and i'm beginning to think about my legacy. rahm emmanuel announced he's naming a high school after me. it's humbling. rick perry is doing the same thing in texas. take a look. thank you, rick. it means a lot to me. and i intend to enjoy all of the free time i will have. george w. bush took up painting after he left office which inspired me to pick up my own

artistic side. i'm sure we've got a shot of this. maybe not. the joke doesn't work without the slide. oh, well. assume it was funny. does this happen to you, joe? it does? okay. more serious note, tonight reminds us that we are lucky to live in a country where reporters get to give the head of state a hard time on a daily basis, then once a year give him or her the chance, at least to try to return the favor. but we know that not every journalist or photographer or crew member is so fortunate. because as we celebrate the free press tonight, our thoughts are with those in places around the

like like ukraine, afghanistan, syria and egypt who risk everything and even give their lives to report the news and tonight reminds us the fight for full and fair access goes beyond the chance to ask a question. as steve mentioned decades ago an african american that wanted to cover his or her president might be barred from journalism school, and banned from press conferences. after years of effort, editors and publishers began meeting with fdr's press secretary, then, met with the president himself declaring a black reporter would get a credential. and and he made history, he wasn't always welcome by other reporters but welcome by the president who told him i'm very happy to have you here.

that sentiment might have worn off once he asked a question or two. and harry's battles continued but he made history. we're so proud of sherman and his family for being here tonight and the white house correspondents' association for creating a scholarship in harry's name. over 100 years the white house correspondents' association told the story of america's progress you've lived it, too. allowing equal access to women, minorities and gays and americans with disabilities and yes, radio and television had reporters as well. and through it all you've helped make sure that even as societies change our fundamental commitment between those who govern and those who ask questions doesn't change as jay will attest it's a legacy

you carry on enthese yafticily every single day. because this is the 100 anniversary of the association, i reported n additional brief thanking all of you for your hard work. can we run the video? >> congratulations. what is going on? i was told this would work. does anyone know how to fix it? oh, thank you. you got it? >> i see this all the time. . there. >> congratulations heres to 100 more years. >> thank you very much, everybody. god bless you. and god bless america.

thank you. >> white house correspondents' dinner oftened served as a spring board providing a national spotlight for steven colbert or seth meyers this year, joel mchale. . >> all right, everybody. here we go. i am the last person standing between you and your after party. so in just an hour and five minutes you'll be walking out of here, tonight? i'm going to break jay lenno's record, strap in. good evening, mr. president, as paul ryan refers to you yet another inner city minority relying on the federal government to feed and house your family. i'm a big fan of president obama. i think he's one of the all time great presidents. definitely in the top 50.

please explain that to jessica simpson. you're right. that was low. all right. how about the president's performance tonight, everyone? it is amazing you can still bring it with fresh, hilarious material and my favorite bit of yours you said you'd close detention facility at guantanamo bay. that was classic and hilarious, hilarious still going. i'd like to take a mement to recognize the first lady, mrs. obama you have been very kind to me and my family. especially when you showed us how to tear a phone book in half with your bare hands. that is incredible. i'd like to thank the white house correspondents' association for having me. and for not being able to book jimmy fallon. that is true. all right. um, look.

i know it's been a long night. i promise that tonight will be both amusing and over quickly. just like chris christie's presidential by the. i got a lot of these tonight. so, buckle up, governor christie, excuse me, extender, buckle up. oh. i deserve that. i agree on that one. allow me to tell you about myself. my name is joel mchale on a nbc show called "community". that is what i thi also host a soup" on the e network. two republicans in tendance, e is a chance your deeply closeted gay son likes to watch. democrats it's the same channel your happy, openly gay son likes

to watch. he's also home for the kardashians who believe it or not are republicans. and i know that because they're always trying to screw black people. yup. no. just the men. okay. it's an honor to be here tonight at the washington hilton. i'm continuingelling with excitement for maybe that is just a bed bug. i hope you enjoyed your dinner. the fillet tonight was grass fed beef, freshly dragged off the cliven bundy ranch. steaks are very tasty once you pull out the tiny whoot hoods you like cliven bundy? great. let the record show. all right. tonight's show is being broadcast on c-span. c-span is like one of those

paranormal activity movies. just grainy shots of em-i rooms interrupted by images of people you're pretty sure died a few years ago. yeah. oh, and stay tuned after the correspondents' dinner for an all new episode hit show "so you think you can remain conscious". very competitive. this is the 100th year of the white house correspondents' association. yes. 100 years ago, cnn was only searching for the wright brothers plane. it's true. and the correspondents' dinner is a tradition dating back to 1920. back then, this event was only for men. it's true. and there is a plaque in the lobby commemorating this as a location of the very first ever total sausage fest.

hash tag total sausage fest. now it's a land of diversity. only here would you fine a black president, soon to be hispanic majority and all 19 nationalities contained within arana huffington's accent. it's a thrill to be here in washington, d.c. the city that started the whole crack-smoking mayor craze. i hope he's not here tonight. um, people say that toronto mayor rob ford is a clumsy mess he's a big guy. like a bull in a crack pipe shop. between rob ford, justin beiber and ted cruz, you want to say relax. we already have a florida. ted cruz proposed a government

shut down to protest the affordable care act. everyone else in congress decided to along with it simply to get time away from ted cruz the tea party is antisocialism and anti-immigration. it makes sense their hero is a cuban from canada. poignant, that is poignant. the vice president isn't here tonight. not for security reasons he thought the event was being held at dulles airport appleby's he's talking to a construction cone he thinks is john boehner. also true. it's crazy to think that that joe biden is only one heartbeat away from no one taking him seriously as president. sorry for that one. biden will likely be running for

president in 2016 saying, and i quote, there is no obvious reason not tochlt he talks about motivation for presidential run as if he's deciding to finish a meat ball hoagie. hey. it's there, isn't it? the bred is toasty and cheese is warm. i'm going to finish that thing. jill, bring me my hoagie bib not that one. the fancy one. hillary clinton has a lot going for her, experience, she's a natural leader and as our first female president, we could pay her 30% less. that is a savings this country could use. who is with me? hillary's daughter chelsea is pregnant. meaning in nine months we'll have a sequel to "bad grandpa".

it also raises a question when the baby is born, do you give bill clinton a cigar? you guys sound like you're on a roller coaster right now. there is a heated race on the republican side. they're all vowing to see who will win over the g.o.p. base and more importantly, who gets to apply turtle wax to shelton addelson's rascal scooter. jeb bush says he's thinking about running. wow. another bush might be in the white house. is it time for our every ten years surprise party for iraq? it's, um, as it stands now, republican presidential nominee will either be jeb bush, rand paul, or a bag of flour with ronald beigean's face drawn on

it. bag of flour? all right. people are asking will donald trump run again? the answer is, does that thing on his head crap in the woods? i don't know. i don't know. i don't know if that thing on his head has a digestive system. speaking of digestive systems, chris christie is here. he's actually here. tonight. wow. sir, you're a glutton. for punishment. so here we go. chris christie, his administration cancelled a train tunnel to manhattan. they're closing the polaski skyway and blocked the george washington bridge. finally. a politician willing to stand up to america's commuters do you want bridge jokes or size

jokes? i can go both. i can go half and half. i know you'd like a combo platter. i get that, i'm sorry for the joke governor christie. i didn't know i was going to tell it. but i take full responsibility for it. whoever wrote it will be fired. but the buck stops here. so i will be a man and own up to it just as soon as i get to the bottom of how it happened because i was unaware it happened until just now. i'm appointing a blue ribbon commission to investigate the joke i just told. if i find wrong doing on my part, a sure you, i will be dealt w it turns out i'm not responsible for it, justice has been served. he's going to kill me. mr. president, you're no

stranger to criticism. ted nugent called you a subhuman mongrel. it makes me think whether we can take the guy who wrote "wang dang sweet poontang" seriously anymore. mitch mcconnell said his number one priority was to get the president out of office. so mitch? congrats on being just two years away from realizing your goal. you did it. kind of. mr. president, your harest critics compared to you adolf hitler and satan. those are outrageous. you look way older than those guys. just because morgan freeman played a president a few times that doesn't mean you have to

look exactly like him. all right? but you're healthy which is great, every year. the white house doctor checks the president's colon for polyps and george clooney's head. yes. oh! all right. yeah. it's good to see that white house press secretary and boy detective jay carney is here. big night for jay. i haven't seen him this nervous since the president told him just go out there and tell them the web site is broken. they'll understand. and that actually probably was a moment. um. mr. president, you have to admit and you have, the launch of health care.gov was a disaster. it was so bad. it was bad. look. i don't have an analogy.

the web site is now people use to describe other bad things they say stuff like oh. i shouldn't have eaten that sushi. i was up all night health care.goving. that latest johnny depp movie really health care.goved at the box office. look at my new rug. the dog health care.goved on it. but thanks to obamacare or as the president refers to it, me care, millions of newly-insured young americans can visit a doctor's office and see what a print magazine actually looks like. that is awesome. now, over 8 million people have signed up for obamacare which sounds impressive until you realize ashley tisdale has 12

million twitter followers so pretty good. there is a lot going on in the world. right now. there is a madman who had plastic surgery running around annexing small countries in eastern europe. all i keep thinking is what the hell is bruce jenner doing in crimeia? do they get that show there? sir, i do think you're making a big mistake with put yivenlt have you to show a guy like that you're just as crazy as he is. you invade cancun. russia takes back ukraine, america takes back texas. something to think about. julia pierceon, new director of the secret service is here tonight. yeah. under her leadership secret service agents no longer can sort with prostitutes thanks to the too drunk to make it to the brothel program. i'm sure she loved that.

the director of national intelligence james clapper is here. finally. i can put a face to the mysterious voice clearing it's throat on the other end of the phone. it was weird. and you know to prepare for tonight i have been watching a lot of cable news i'm a big fan of that lesbian on msnbc chris hays. she's great. yeah. yeah. i agreechlt msnbc is a confusing place al sharpton is there. skinny guy. and cnn is searching for something they've been missing for months. their dignity. totally. that was just that table. at this point cnn is like the radio shack in a sad strip mall you don't know how it stayed in business this long, or anyone that shops there they just hired pierce morgan.

thank you. fox news is the highest-rated network in cable news. yeah. i can't believe your table is up that far. and it's all thanks to their key demographic, corpse of old people who tuned into fox news and haven't yet been discovered. former inside edition host bill o'reilly is not here. he did post. that he's got another book coming out soon. he's making ghost writers work around the clock bill o'reilly, megyn kelly and sean hannity are the mount rushmore of keeping old people angry. this event brings together washington and hollywood the relationship has been a long, fruitful one. you give us tax credits for film and television production, we

bring much-needed jobs to hard working american cities like vancouv vancouver, toronto, and vancouver, again. hollywood helps america by projecting a heroic image to the rest of the world we just released another movie about captain america. as he's known in chiena, captain who owes us $1.1 trillion. there are a lot of celebrities here tonight. they're the one that's don't look like ghouls. look around. the cast of v.i.p. "is here, what is what if a seinfeld star landed on another good show." the folks from "duck dynasty" had a very challenging year. the grandfather made homophobic and racist comments but people are overlooking another issue

he really hates ducks. "house of cards" had a huge impact on washington. what a great show. i haven't seen a southern senator give a tour de force performance like that since lindsay gram played blanch dubois in "a street car named desire". lindsay if you're here now, you can drop character any time, man. oh, my. and i'm not going to spoil the shocking twist on "house of cards". it was so surprising nancy pelosi's face almost changed expression. did you like that one, nancy? i can't tell. all right. i'd like to congratulate jared leto on his oscar. ask to republican senator who asked to be introduced to quote, that hot chick from dallas buyers club. you're in for a very interesting

evening. richard sherman. already had an impact on tonight's event. he's intercepted all three of tim tebow's attempts to pass the dinner rolls russell wilson is here. peyton manning wanted to be here but can only move four yards at a time. you're right. he's not here to defend himself. robert de niro is here tonight. everyone. now, i don't do a de niro impression but i do an impression of his agent. ring, ring, he'll do it.

mr. de niro i was in "spy kids 4". so i will see you on the set of "spy kids 5" i'm sure. biz stone, the founder of twitter is here so any of yu congressman want to cut out the middle man just show him your penis. not now. are you nuts? those are my warm up jokes i am kidding. i want to leave you with a bit of a pep talk. america has seen her share of challenges but as my agents told me when i booked an nbc sitcom, things could be worse. have you watched the news? i mean, not cnn i mean real news. it's pretty bad in other places. by america is doing great. this year, after months of heated debate and controversy, we achieved something that will

impact the health of millions. we brought back twinkies. ask we're no longer the fattest country in the world. now, mexico is. but don't worry. we'll be number one again as soon as they all come over here. and what is our biggest concern as americans? tv show spoilers in other countries a spoiler consists of i haven't been back to the village yet. don't tell me who survived the drone strike. no spoilers america still has amazing technology innovations google glass hit the street. now, just by walking down the street we'll know how who to punch in the face. we see gluten and peanuts as threats to our kids. in other countries, those are names are child armies

america is doing fine how do i know that? because we're making a fourth movie about truck that's turn into giant robots. why are they making a transformers four? because there is so much story left to tell. so chin up, everyone this, country is still number one. and all-important categories of cream filled pastries, space computers and robot trucks education, economy, environment? hey, we'll get them next time. here is why america is the best country in the world a guy like me ask stand before the president, the press and patrick duffy, and tell jokes without severe repercussions. instead of being shipped off, i'm going to the vanity fair after party. that is right this, is america. where everyone can be a pussy riot. one of the coolest things that

ever happened to me in my life. thank you, mr. president, thank you, mrs. obama. thank you white house correspondent dinner and thank you, c-span viewer. good night, everybody. thank you. all right. >> that was joel mchale delivering as the feature entertainer at the white house correspondent dinner. earlier president obama delivered a number of one liners himself. it's become the one night of the year where the president and journalist who's cover him try to find something nice and funny to say about each other. there are some recurring hot topics in the jokes. those including the roll out of health care.gov, united states

relationship with vladimir putin, and also, recent controversy surrounding l.a. clippers coach donald sterling. during one joke about health care.governor outgoing health and human secretary made a brief appearance on stage. some journalists are also honored for their coverage. in addition to attracting a number of journalists and politicians, the black tie event draws many celebrities and entertainers among this year's attendees were robert de niro, sophia vergara and jessica simpson. the association which represents the white house press corps is celebrating it's 100th anniversary this year. i'm marianne rafferty. now, join justice with judge

jeanine, already in progress for latest headline news log on owe to fox news.com. how many of you thought that we were done hearing about obamacare website problems? the latest, the company hired to fix the disastrous site wants an additional $121 million of your dollars. with me, betsy mccoy. why do we have to give them $1

twn million? >> because they have to create most of the back end of this website. the reason for this is the lies, lies, and lies that came from the president and his secretary of health and human services. you remember last summer, secretary sebelius assured congress the website would be ready. then when it collapsed in october, she assured the nation it would be ready by december 1st. but that was only the front end. and in fact, the president even assured bill o'reilly right on this network that it was fixed. remember super bowl night? but in fact, only the cosmetics were fixed. the back end was still missing. >> what is the back end? explain that. >> that's all the mechanics that link as many as 21 agencies so when someone applies for a subsidy on the obamacare exchange, they can check with all these different agencies, the social security numbers, the income, the labor department, the irs. none of that was completed. i'll give you an example.

this is like, honey, the first kitchen contract i signed, i forgot to ask for running water, so the new contract costs more. >> all right, so now they say with $121 million, that we'll get the website fixed, but this is a different company. >> it is a different company. >> should we sue the other company for the money we already paid them? it's our money. henne, they didn't fix it. get the money back. >> this is clearly a case of throwing good money after bad, and frankly, it's time to repeal this clunker. >> okay, i know you're still carrying it around, but the enrollment period is over. the horror stories continue. is there anything positive -- let's try to be really positive. anything good happen in obamacare? >> well, many, many people are glad they can keep their kids on their parents' plans until they're 26, but that's a one-liner in obamacare. that can be included in any new

law. so the point is to repeal this, unfortunately, many republican leaders are now saying, we don't think repeal is possible. so we're going to ask the american people to just settle for a fixing this within the framework of the law. those republicans clearly haven't read this law because if they had, even four years after it passed, they would know this law is corrupt at its core. >> you know what i think is interesting, betsy? is that the 2014 elections are going to be very telling as to what happens with obamacare. >> it will be a referendum on obamacare. >> betsy mccoy, always good to talk to you about obamacare. thanks for being with us tonight. coming up, the botched execution of a convicted murd murderer sparks new outrage in the death penalty debate. should a killer suffer? i'll t [ music and whistling ] when you go the extra mile to help business owners save on commercial auto insurance,

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this week's botched execution of oklahoma inmate clayton locket has reignited the death penalty depend. in a moment, my take, but first, what sent location to death row to begin with. >> we now know there was 43 minutes between the first time the drug was injected and between the time he died. his victim endured hours of unthinkable agony the night she died. stephanie nieman was driven to a remote area, beaten, raped and forced to watch her own grave being dug, she was forced to go in the grave, when she told her kidnapper she would go to the police, he shot her and the gun

jammed. despite her screams he shot her in the head. locket was told by an accomplice she was still alive. he ordered to a accompli-- the o bury her life life. the family says every day we're left with horrific images of what the last hours of stephanie's life was like. did she cry out for us to help her? we were left with the knowledge that she needed us and we were not aware of it and therefore unable to help her. >> there was outrage that it took 43 minutes for convicted killer locket to die. indeed, the 8th amendment to the constitution prohibits cruel and unusual punishment. and the united states and the supreme court has repeatedly held that the death penalty does not constitute cruel and unusual punishment. the only difference is 43 minutes, now, it evokes

reaction, supporters can't understand why it is so rarely sought. i'm not one of those people who thinks that the death penalty necessarily deters murders. but what i do know is that the death penalty will specifically deter someone who has killed from killing again. but for me, the most important reason to impose the death penalty is that it is a just punishment. now, although we say as a society we want justice, the reality of seeking it is a different matter. the press most office focuses on the criminal. we long to find reasonable explanations for horrific criminal acts. we want to believe that the most violent criminals are better now. that they won't do it again. rarely do we even think about the victim. my take? stephanie was 19. she was not only a attorney, she

was an only child. she had her whole life ahead of her. she didn't do anything wrong. her misfortune, she was at the right place at the wrong time. where her predator and his accomplices turned her innocent life into a nightmare. she was violated again and again, shot in the head and buried alive. her screams and her cries and her hours of unbearable pain and degradation preceded her final death. locket committed the ultimate crime. he deserves nothing less than the ultimate punishment. to me, he has forfeited not only his right to walk freely among the rest of us but also his right to breathe our air. to eat our food. and to share our space on this earth. we should not be required to endure his existence for a moment longer than is absolutely necessary.

indeed, we should be allowed to purge our senseabilities of him. locket chose to be a murderer. stephanie did not choose to be murdered. the unspeakable atrocities that she endured, her screams for mercy went unanswered. locket should be given the same mercy that he gave his victim, stephanie. and that would be none. 43 minutes be damned. and now, for the results of tonight's poll. we ask you, should the president be impeached over his administration's handling of the benghazi attacks? barbara says, of course, the whole crew in the white house should go to jail. robert says yes, i believe the president and his crew should all be edward snowden's roommatroommate s in russia.

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