another. this is something we should never forget. and never stop doing. ♪ but tonight on "red eye." >> coming up on "red eye." what is it like to be riped and ridiculously handsome? lou daabs lets you in on the secret of his success. and what did the president tell joe biden after he suggested renaming the capital the thunder dome? >> think about that for a second. come up with something a little more fresh. >> and finally, are homemade potato guns ever a good idea? probably not. our panel will debate it anyway. none of these stories on "red eye" tonight. >> and now let's welcome our guest. she has more hang ups than my walk in closet, and my walk in closet is huge, america of the i am here with joanne with the

waive. his wit is dryer than a desert, but without any rays of sunshine. it is tv's andy levey. he tells jokes like it is his job because it is. it is the delightful comedian shaw rad small. >> -- sherrod small. lightning roooooouund. >> he and he is so cool air n could decisioners turn him on -- air conditioners turn him on. lou daabs. he is also the author of the smash hit "upheaval." >> a block. the lede. that's the first st greg, the fe of "red eye" is -- never mind. i got nothing. just start the show. >> there is a new man in town. his name is harley brown. he is a biker, an exnavy man and he is on a rocket to

somewhere crazy and awesome. he is running for governor of idaho, a state, and he hates political correctness he claims as much as sherrod hates white people. >> that's a lie. >> i know. on wednesday, the candidate was asked about the nonpc jokes to put p mildly or what he calls harleyisms that he keeps on his campaign website. >> you have posted bigoted jokes on your website securing women and gays and jews and asians and polish people. >> and bikers and irish men too. >> yes, irish men too. how is that sort of disrespect for people help you govern. >> a substantial portion of my political campaign is campaigning against political correctness. those harleyisms have a warning. you may find it offensive, but

i had everybody, jews, polish people, irish, italians, religious jokes and black jokes. by the way my wife screened that and we took the hard core zingers out. so if i catch any flak from people like you i can fire that back and attack my attackers. i don't like political correctness. can i say this? it sucks. it is bondage. i am about as politically correct as your turd in a punch bowl. i am proud of it and going for it and going for the vote of the real people out there and not these bondage-type people who don't have a clue about picking up strangers at night and hauling them god knows where. >> all right, next question. >> i love how he says, just so you know my mom took out the bad ones. if you see what is on there, that's not a good thing to say that you actually had worse

jokes. there is more. >> the key is getting our land back from the feds. here is my plan of attack. the three best men for the mission is myself as governor because i have a masters in raising hell. from the john wayne movie "true grit" you know that lawyer? here is my plan of attack. you go in there and you use spiritual warfare. everybody talks about the natural, but i will talk about the other realm we exist in. you bind the evil spirits behind the feds with the blood of jesus and the name of jesus and the power of the tomb of the holy spirit and the power of agreement and the word of god. take air superiority and roll in with your tanks. blitzky. >> mr. brown, the question was about taxes. >> i love the man to his rife. -- to his right. do we have one more of this

guy? i think we do. >> mr. brown, your closing remarks. >> this has been a great honor. thank you league of women voters and thank you public tv and thank you folks fortuning in to see us in action. let me finish that story the -- that story. after god told me i would be the president i got the seal tattooed on my soldier. my morale went from negative 500 to off the scale. i am an aa plus guy. i was living in fat jack's cellar for three years. i had the credibility of chicken little, you know, the sky is falling? and then this bishop from africa came over and said i am a prophet of god and i authenticate that god told you that. i said would you put that in writing? he said sure. i got it in writing and have

the original at home and i went up to my detractors and say na-na-nah. i want practice. i don't want to say sorry if the bombing caused you inconvenience. you have your choice, folks. a cowboy, a kromungeon, a biker or a normal guy. thank you very much. we are leaving it up to you. >> thank you so much, mr. brain. mr. bays your closing remarks. >> what is going on? >> i don't know. >> where is idaho? >> it is in between washington and -- washington and montana. >> i want to go there. that is crazy. i like the fact that he called the other guy the normal guy and said that is a problem. >> i don't think we can characterize any of them as media slips. i loved it. not the language nor the

obscene and horribly offensive jokes, but i think there may be something happening. >> i thought this dude had no chance of winning until the camera paned out. until we saw the rest of the crew. >> you know who that guy next to him looked like? he looked like grandpa simpson's friends named jasper. >> he looked like the photo negative of the duck dynasty dude. >> yes, him! >> the two other guys on the other side were in suits and clean cut. and then at first it looked like an "snl" skit. >> is fat jack's cellar a bar? >> that's what i'm thinking. it has to be a bar. >> it is better than living in a cellar at a guy name fat jack. >> what is going on? >> it is the white version of the rent's too damn high. you have to get one too. you have to get one of those

crazies too. >> everyone has a crazy. the problem is he is saying he is against political correctness. does that mean you get to say for example joke 38 on the website that i can't repeat? >> can i say joke 52? it offends the japanese, chinese -- he said a japanese will out jewish a jew, but a person will out japanese their hues? >> why is he doing jokes? >> that's obviously a limrick. >> are you trying to rationalize it. >> this is why i can't vote for him. >> this is great. it says god how i wished we

had picked our own cotton. >> what does that mean? >> that's something black people would probably agree with. >> now he sounds ungrateful. >> i didn't even see that one. they are very unoriginal. rehab is for quiters. >> why is he doing jokes and running for governor. i would say i want to be your next governor so i say nacogdoches. >> i can el it you this for many reasons that i am anxious for the elections. >> he was great in the debate the way crazy people like him or the rent is too damn high guy are always. >> he said in his opening statement, don't think i'm crazy because i'm not. anybody that starts with don't think i'm crazy has a little crazy. >> he is like the guy in that dodge ball movie. >> he is. >> you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.

>> he has a website and he has two federal issues he cares about. one is getting rid of the debt which he has a weird way of going about that. the second is he wants to round up military reserve aircraft and bomb the living hell out of forest fires around the clock in hundred or thousand plane formations around the clock. that's his platform. >> that's insane. or it is genius. while there is a fire -- >> can we rule out genius? >> yes we can. >> it is a great country though where everybody gets a chance like this. what other country can you go around and a psycho path can say give me the next 10 minutes? >> in another country he would win. >> maybe. some countries. you might be right. >> why wasn't jesus born in poland? they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.

>> oh man. oh man. that's my new joke. i like that one. >> let me tell you something, this is my point. joke 38 is a play on an old joke where it says why is having 6 with -- having sex with a certain type of person like riding a certain kind of vehicle? because you don't like -- they are fun, but you don't do them in public. he changes it so the moped is a human being with a derogatory description. so he actually takes a joke that is kind of already semioffensive and he makes it even worse, and then he says oh we had worse ones on there that we took down. >> what i like to see is he has a normal married life. his wife is the arbitor of standards. >> you always see the silver lining. joanne, do you have any predictions here?

>> you know he is going to win. you know it. he is going to do a great job and he will work his way up to commander-in-chief. he said it in his opening statement and it is his goal. >> that's right. he is running for president. >> is mike baker advising him? >> mike baker may know him. he is in idaho. >> he may be behind that. >> actually that a is mike baker in a fat, harry suit. >> do you think mike is funding him? >> i think the biggest shame is they never had reaction shots of the other people's faces when he was talking because that would have been great. that poor moderator who is trying to keep things together. >> you can tell she was losing it. >> he would be an interesting neighbor. >> for who? >> for fat jack. >> all right. >> this would be a weird story.

they said nay to the ymca. get ready. it is time for our latest edition of -- >> is this racist. >> some kid is waiving at me over there. there you go. >> you have to pull back there. we always wonder -- do people at home go oh look they have a holly wreath. i will keep watching the show. they have like red tinsel on the bottom. >> it looks like the blood of our victim. >> the first gray class in fargo -- >> do you remember when we updated our graphics in 1987? >> who was hosting then? >> it was saggit. >> a first grade class in north dakota will not be singing "ymca" after a mom called the per fomple mans

racist. the teacher asked them to wear costumes to resemble the village people. they are on your left. they were to come to class dressed like cowboys, cops, construction workers and even a few leather daddies as he are called, lou. but the stereo typical native american attire bothered elaine "buzz kill" bullman. she hopes the school can make the right choice that any culture or race will be singled out or like their race -- or feel like their race is being stereo typed. a little slow today. a little worn out. the school pulled the song from the talent show. how is the class pet dealing with the turmoil?

>> oh that just makes me happy all over. outside and inside. lou, you were once in the cover band called the macho men. does this bother you they are denying the pleasure of the ymca or the village people to these children? >> i think the first graders being denied their constitutional rights, privileges and just the shear entertainment. >> of ymca is something that shouldn't be tolerated by any community anywhere. >> i don't think anybody could say that better. sherrod, i will give uh shot. is this racist? >> first of all, no. you never hear that from me. they are not making fun of native americans. they are impersonating the village people. native americans have nothing to do with that. >> they are appropriating the village people who appropriated the indians. >> i love it when we get into the subtle interest elect

actual architecture. >> it is like the difference between doing a carson impersonation and the rich little impersonation of him doing carson. you are not hurting no one. >> could you do that for me? >> i can't do it. >> joe app, the -- joanne, the village people couldn't exist in this climate, right? >> we are missing the bigger picture here. the grave injustice is the fact that our kids cannot sing this song. and the ymca was an amazing establishment that provided safe housing and in a dangerous area. we helped to develop a community and promote physical fitness through these clubs. so if these kids are taking away the right for them to learn about this and praise this establishment with their arms, bad. i never knew which way this c went. is it my c or your c? >> if you are look at it. >> i was just happy they had a

black cop. >> you know he was probably corrupt. >> that's the worst cop is a black cop. they want to show off for the white tees. >> you know what is a good point though, i used to work out at the ymca. that was the only time i was ever approached in a shower. >> really? >> yes. arlington. >> what happened? don't stop. >> i was wearing contact lenses so showering and can't see and i open my eyes and there is a guy at my shower. >> and we have been friends ever since. >> i credited you with that. >> i love a story with a happy ending. >> i completely agree with sherrod. the students would be dressing up like troughs. like rose. they would be honoring him. if you did a play about the

village people, you would dress up as the village people. that's in essence what they are doing. it is not a halloween costumes. >> even halloween costumes are fine. >> i learned so much. >> i do think it is great they are completely over looking the gay thing. >> lou. >> back then i was considered gay. >> even going to the ymca back then. there there was a lot of reach arounds back then in the days of the ymca. >> i don't know what that means. >> we should go now. figure out what we are going to do next. coming up, what is it like to be lou daabs? find a out with lou daabs new

book? it is hard to be awesome, but i do it every day. they call me captain awesome. and is sony planing a movie for edward snowden? who will play the scum? my money is on that yum dude on the tv show and is also on the internet and is skinny and weird.

they are bringing the traitor to the theater. they write to no place to hide's new book about edward snowden, barf. the movie will be produced by the same dude behind the james bond franchise. he won a pulitzer prize.

they heard rumors the wish list may will you -- may include edward norton playing himself. i came up with better casting ideas. here is snowden being played by a giant rat. and here is greenwalled. meanwhile it surfaceed on-line. let's take a look. >> i was definitely shoehorned into this section. i don't know where to start so i will go with you, lou. are you as angry about this as i am? i know they are making money off something that is actually harming america. that bothers me. but i guess you can say that about a lot of things. >> yes to both.

let me say this delicately. i just don't understand them. the fact that he is a russian agent should be crystal clear to the simplest mind. >> that is true. i believe he is a russian agent. >> make the movie. >> we have a show on television called the russians. i know what they are trying to do. >> but they will make him look like the hero, right? snowden? >> not necessarily. did you read the book yet? >> of course not. they kill him at the end. they born identity hem. >> we have to see how the story plays out. i am not going to read the book. but i want to read more about the story so the movie is a perfect way.

>> andy, are you upset no one asked you to play your hero snowden? >> i am a little hurt, but i can't wait to see the movie because i love patriotic films. >> you are an ass. >> i want it to protect our freedoms. >> he is a russian spy. >> based on what? >> based on you have a little feeling in your gut that may as well be -- >> there is a great piece that shows the information that he allowed was specifically helpful to the russians. >> he also believes in the conspiracy theories. we can talk about that later. >> he has written for 30 years on the subject. and he is very knowledgeable. >> unlike me who was never wrong. i rest my case. >> absolutely no rebut tall. >> here is my casting.

snowden should be played by buchins ky. and he should be played by dan because he looks like him. i think they should get an orphan black thing going and have him play both roles. it would be a fantastic movie. >> this is oscar bait. if this guy was a real patriot that would be different. joanne, view -- have you considered auditioning for this movie? you could play the stripper love interest. i think her name is lyndsay mills. >> i mean i'll take it. he is going to need a russian agent because of all of this press and all of these appearances. it depends on what angle they will go. isis it a hero or a villain? if it is a hero andrew garfield and villain justin bieber. the whole country hates him. >> that's true. >> i think we can assume that

since it is based on green wold's book he will be a hero. >> you never know. >> i like the fact that you say that with such for tutued. such fortitude. >> it is people who made your life less safe. >> i put my money in the pockets of patriots. >> i want us before this movie comes out for america to go to russia and pull them out. by america i mean terry sapor and mike baker should get in their own private under ground plane. yes, an underground plane. and then bomb the forest fires. pull them out and bring him back. >> that's just it. you can't make a movie because the story isn't done yet. we need to get him because the story is done and then you can make a movie. >> by the way, he is not a hero. he was an under performing

dweeb who saw an opportunity. >> i look at him as a role model. >> oh crap. i know i should have locked my office door. >> is he really a hero if he hasn't slowed down the spying and surveillance of twitter, microsoft, google, yahoo!, should i keep going? >> did you say google? >> we need more move -- movies. >> they are next. first take down the government and then we will move to these corporations you love so much. >> not the corporations. >> and then the banks. >> no! >> it is all coming down. >> i am so close to joining anonymous. >> what makes a perfect tweet? it is any tweet directed in all caps with lots of hash tags. he loves those. first a word from our sponsor. >> tonight c block is

sponsored by wordlebitss. kid tested and wordle approved. come on down. hurry, supplies are jimmy think. thanks wordlebits.

donald sterling's pimp said he liked women of color.

it is day 90 of -- in an interview with cnn or cmn -- >> just say the pimp. >> what is his name? he goes by one maim? one name? he runs an escort service in las vegas. he liked a certain type of women. >> i have known him to always want a woman of color and to say what he said just threw me off big time. now i do believe he is a racist. >> not the pimp, greg! >> he is so let down. he was a man of substance. >> how do you lie to your pimp? >> i don't think that is his real name. a self-described pal of sterling said he was upset when he heard the racist rant. the pimp said he recorded the

conversations and he is the person behind the release of every recording of sterling besides the original one. also he is a pimp. >> wow. >> so he likes women of color. >> for a certain price. >> you can be racist and still like women of color. >> of course. he never had a problem with black women. he had a problem with black men. he didn't say don't bring none of the black women to my game. definitely not the sexy ones. that's not the problem. >> conversely if you can be racist and still like women of a certain color it stands to reason that you cannot be racist if you do not prefer women of a certain color. >> 80% of any man being racist is against another man. it has nothing to do with women of any color. booty is booty. even the pimp is like, booty come in every color, why do this? why separate it? >> i forget for lou. in his talking points he wrote booty and you beat it to him.

>> this pimp dude is just like the lowest people of society coming out now. and this is the crew he ran around. this chick who stabbed him in the back and had this pimp saying you crush his heart because he didn't think you were a racist and you are. >> it is a tragedy of so many proportions. >> it is getting rob ford ugly. >> it is like a parking lot. it has a lot of levels. >> i don't even know. >> lou, give us some of your louis dom. >> can you say booty is booty? >> booty is what a? >> the booty is booty. >> you know, i can't really think clearly about booty at any point or not. >> the greatest day ever. >> is it somebody else's turn yet? >> actually i want to spend

the next 10 minutes reviewing the whole case with you, lou. should he sell the team? there is a basic question. >> this is condescending. breaking it down to daabs' level? >> i'm sorry. >> i frankly would hate to see him sell the team to be honest. it would take away one of the craziest stories i have ever witnessed. i know that you were looking for a sincere answer and something that comes from the heart. that's where i am. >> joe, what are your thoughts in this matter? >> my pimp knows not to talk to the media, one. you sign something. also, so i don't like usually blonde headed men or red headed men, but does that make me a hair colorist? >> can they go to your

schools? do you accept them in your school system? >> oh, of course. education is for everyone. >> really? >> not everyone. >> are you pointing to me? are you pointing to me or my t-shirt? what are you doing here jo-jo. you have to get home safe. remember that. >> i don't even know what that means. andy, as the only black person on the panel what do you make of this? >> a couple things. now we know what it takes to offend a pimp so that is good. i would say a white man can want to have sex with a black woman and still be racist. slave owners did it all the time. and i love they said thought. >> thought, thought? >> he actually said thought. >> that sterling was using it? >> the pimp used the word. >> what are you talking about? >> it is an acro anymore. >> thot.

>> what does that mean? >> that ho over there. >> he called v whatever -- >> it is an alcohol drink kids are drinking. it isg you will drink. >> when did i get old? i don't know this. >> it is hood. >> is it cough syrup? >> trust me on this. it will get to the commit whiewnt -- the white community. watch. remember i brought it it up. >> what is in it? >> everything. the future. >> so this is replacing what bieber drinks which is a replacement of yogurt and cough syrup? >> yes. it is the next generation of that. >> it was yogurt and cough syrup -- >> where are you getting yogurt? >> yogurt is not in it. it is cough syrup and liquor. >> where did you get yogurt? >> go and pick up a pint of yogurt. >> you think john stamos is

getting high on something? >> i have seen him recently. it can't hurt at this point, poor stamos. i am old. am i supposed to know it is not yow import? >> by the way, this is the portion we submit for the award. >> this is the nickelodeon award. where am i? we have to take a break. don't leave. we have more stuff to talk about. "not cool"" order it on amazon.com. and now these sweatshirts are sold out and we are reordering them. we sold 60 million of them, sherrod. they were for $1,000 each. >> i am robbing you instead of jo-jo. >> all of the money goes to charity which is the name of my stripper girlfriend.

now it is time for a new segment. most call it lou daabs and i call him lowell dabs. >> preif -- previously on lowell dabs. >> they are claiming victory after the primar elections and the chances for taking back the house of representatives now looking bleak indeed. we begin in nebraska. joining us is the president of the american atheist organization. good to have you here. >> thanks for having me on. >> why would atheists need a chaplain? >> for the same reason anybody else needs a chaplain. >> our next guest is running for governor of texas.

he sued 30 times and now he is gearing up for a new fight with the bureau of land management trying to seize 90,000 acres of private property on the red river. joining us, the attorney general . mr. attorney general, good to have you with us. a british company given $1.2 billion to hire 1500 workers to process applications for obamacare. [applause]. >> but there is nothing to process to their employees spend their days at the computers hitting -- well we are sure there are other buttons as well [laughing] >> but refresh. >> oh no he didn't. >> do you see where ideas come from. when i was spelling your name i wrote lol. loldaabs would make a great show. >> that is genius defined and i can't tell you how much i appreciate everything you have done for me there.

>> it is so stupid. but it is an accident. i said let's do a segment called lol dabs. >> it felt like too close for comfort. >> that's an 80s show. we will have more and it will be exciting. we have to do what is the perfect tweet? one way to measure success is i retweet you. how do you get noticed? that's the subject of tonight's -- >> "red eye" debate, 2014 live from the" red eye" debate center. >> welcome to tonight's "red eye" debate. i'm greg gutfeld host of the "red eye" debate. cornell researchers, aka nerds discovered the secret of the perfect tweet. it is all in the wording by using algorithms, adding more details a and popular jargon there are more favorites favorites and retweets. it means you are are more likely to use them who has

been called the king of tweet you have an army of followers who tweeted you, lou. >> do you do your own tweets? >> well to be honest and pair i do also -- i don't always do the promotional piece but i do the opinion base. >> if you have people do promotional tweets make sure something bad doesn't happen in the news that day. an intern does doesn't know and they are writing the tweet. 60 people are dead and they say come to the grand opening of jay's shoes. >> let's go to the person who knows twitter. joanne, do you agree with the cornell researcher's findings? do you agree with anybody? >> of course it is in the wording. you have 140 characters. i think really the point is to

be funny without seeming leak you are trying to be funny and to say something off beat. hope sherrod retweets it. it will get a ton of retweets. >> he never retweets anything my time line is never filled up with sherrod's tweet. >> i am there for one reason to invade twitter and shut it down. i am not there to say i hope it is not offending anyone or somebody's time line is clogged up. i will set your time line down. twitter army. >> i turned mine off. >> did you really? >> yes, door is shut and nobody can get in. >> i will tweet out his e-mail. we are gonna get greg tonight. >> andy, you hate everything about twitter, but you are on there all the time. >> they love andy. >> can i give an example of

the worst tweets. retweeting compliments. easily the worst thing on twitter. replying all and saying thanks instead of the person who sent it to you jie. and then you get in the back and forth. >> that's it having conversations while including someone else's twitter name in it and keeping it there. >> i do that all the time. >> i made this list for a reason. don't just say i do that all the time on 1. >> i do all of these things. i hash tag it out. and i have bigoted stuff on there. >> i don't mind the big goaled goaled -- bigoted stuff. >> i will include you on every retweet. >> you retweet stuff without reading it. >> i have people who retweet my stuff out for me. >> yo, roofy joanne. >> that means he likes you.

>> you retweeted things. i can't wait until they get rid of gutfeld. >> and then you write me too money. >> that's the one time you retweet. >> i always promote your book on twitter. >> just stop. >> i love compliments. >> lol dabs. do you have a comment on the show? red eye at fox news.com. do you have a video of your animal doing something 1234* coming up, dirty dogs and how they kiss.

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factor" i think later today. on the next "read --" red eye" dash cash. >> e block. last story. that's the last story. >> you made a terrible joke, joanne. i am not going to repeat it.

should you smooch your pooch? according to scientists think twice before frenching the frenchy. a microbiologist, is there any other kind? tested the saliva of dogs in west palm beach. i don't know why. apparently the most disgusting spring break cities in the country. they found bacteria linked to std's, pneumonia and plaque. >> what has he been eating? >> i don't know. it doesn't stay in their mouth too long though. they are off licking the next thing, maybe paris hilton. you have a lap dog. >> thanks for bringing it up. my dog passed away in twenty -- 2010 at 15 years old. >> i thought you still had a dog. >> i had a yorkie, but he passed away. >> you wrote the question. >> we talked about this. that's what really hurts. >> you knew i want have done this if i knew your dog was dead.

>> before i had a dog, that dog, why people let their dogs eat and lick their mouth. come here and lick my mouth. you love your dog and you don't think about it. they say a dog's mouth is cleaner than humans. i am around dirty people. >> are dogs showing affection an evolutionary way to keep you from killing it? >> if that a is a strong way to believe, i agree 100%. i have no strong evolutionary ideas on that. i want to apologize at the same time. thanks for the opportunity and now i am through. >> joanne, do you think dogs were out at the time of dinosaurs and which were the pets? >> oh my god, i don't know. >> you wrote the question. >> i'm still trying to figure

out my answer. i never had a dinosaur or a dog. >> you didn't have one growing up? >> i ate hershey kisses and that's about it. >> i get it now. >> i carry around a bottle because any mouth has seen something. and then i get a buzz. >> she is a drunk, andy. >> i know that. >> it is ama that happened. >> the number of empty listerine bottles is unbelievable. >> her breath smells great, but she is a mess. >> you are running out of time. >> i don't care. >> in the last couple days cats save kids and dogs give you std's. >> i rest my case. >> you do rest your case and quite well i might add. that was a a fun show. >> that was a great show. excellent. >> great show. a lot was due to me. lol dabs.

lol dabs is a show. it is a show. i am going to make it happen. that's the power i hold. joanne, sherrod, andy, lol dabs, i'm greg gutfeld. see you when i see you. now i se

the o'reilly factor is on, tonight. >> it brings tears to my eyes to know how women are working so hard and are getting paid less. >> a big women's pay controversy at the uber liberal "new york times." the top editor is out, perhaps because her pay did not measure up. laura ingraham on that. >> i think you are too sensitive by the way ms. walters. >> why? >> i think you tour sensitive. >> barbara walters leaving tv and we have many questions for her. >> you are the most successful woman, journalist of all time. did you ever think about why? ♪ it's