tv Red Eye FOX News June 13, 2014 12:00am-1:01am PDT
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will be back soon. that's tonight's speed read. thanks for being with us tonight. i will see you saturday night for justice tonight on "red eye." >> coming up on "red eye," is laughter yoga is great way to relief stress with friends? or is it a front for cults with a more sinister purpose of murder? plus, does the president want to use the skin of kangaroos to build a space net to defend against alien attack? >> it will take some resources. that's why uh australia is so important to us. >> what is cuter? a cheetah, a puppy or a puppy hanging with a cheetah? none of these stories on "red
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eye" tonight. >> and now let's welcome our guests. she is hotter than a subway platform in july, or so i'm told. i am too important to ride the subway. i am here with jedediah bila, author and columnist and co-host of "outnumbered" weekdays on the fox newschannel. she is as sharp as a tack, but a little less tact. the cold, uncaring and ultimately doomed joanne nosuchunsky. you didn't read one, write one so i did one for you. and she is good with money so joanne will date her. liz macdonald. her new book "skirting heraasey" came out this month. buy it. >> a block. the lede. that's the first story. have i a confession, greg. i stole your head shots and
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started a fake account to impress people on-line. >> all right. waiting for the next part. she has a bone to pick with keith and mick. lynn stewart per ri more, if that's her real name, thinks the music at trader joe's blows. the senior editor was shopping at one of the chain stores when the rolling stone song "under my thumb" came on. she could not believe what she was hearing. she writes, and i quote, "and under my thumb, the singer boasts how he gained control of his girl comparing her to a squirming dog. why should i hear about a guy comparing his girl to a dog when i am buying vegetables? she decided to put per phd in theory to work. she went home and printed out the lyrics and confronted a poor trader joe's employee who
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eventually shifted her to corporate where oddly nobody seemed to care because they have other things to do. you know who didn't have a problem with the music? this trader joe's customer. >> what did they do to that dog some they ?iped -- ?iped some tendons. they did something to that dog. dogs are not supposed to walk like that. trust me. i did find it quite arousing. as always, on stories like these, i like to go first to our expert on women's issues. andy, what is your take on this? is this legitimate outrage? is she so right that people need to be fired? should heads roll? >> well, look, the leer ricks "under my thumb" are
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problematic, we can agree on that. and youecan draw a direct line from this song written in 1966 to elliott rogers' killing spree. >> she did in her article. >> absolutely. and she is right. she shouldn't have to listen to these lyrics shopping for vegetables. some argue the beauty of capitalism is she can shop for vegetables somewhere else and put in ear buds and continue to shop at trader joe's. i would say in the interest of social justice, trader joe's should set up a website where everyone can send in the names of the copings that people find offensive and then they will know whatnot to play. i prefer trader joe's do this voluntarily. if they don't, we may have to look in other methods of making them get it. they just don't get it. >> i think that was a reasonable response. i think we will touch on the name trader joe's later. it implies actually a masculine patriarc structure, joe being the trader. what is he trader?
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trading. he hates women. jedediah, perimore has a phd in cultural theory which is important to have. isn't she well qualified to harass poor store employees trying to get their work done over something as serious as music choices? >> i feel bad for her. first of all she is in trader joe's. usually the ion -- the line is out the door. if your life is so miserable that you have to go to trader joe's and what music is playing and it may or may not offend you, i think we have to feel sorry for her. andy, it is only an amount of time before barack obama regulates this anyway. >> i hear he is calling perimore as we do this show to express his sympathy and help her through this tough period. she was so wounded by this song that it caused her to rush home and publish an
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article. >> that's right. a 50,000-word article. why didn't they just play the clash's song "lost in the supermarket" so she can get lost. you probably saw this, but when lou reid died she tweeted "rest in peace, lou reid. you were the sound track to my 20s." one of the lou reid songs songs is "there she goes again" and there is a line" you better hit her." >> yes! yes! lou reid was not -- >> shock. >> lou reid was not what you would call -- what's the word, andy? a modern male. he was not a feminist and anybody who knows knows that, joe. when you go shopping which is rare because you don't have any money, but when the stores play music that remind you of a bad break up is that tough?
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pretty much every song reminds you of a bad break up. you can empathize. >> this is why i go shopping at trader joe's. when i get there i don't hear any of that music that reminds me of the bad times. i only hear my stomach growling because they have all of these delicious finger foods that are frozen and you candy frost because that's the only cooking i do. i am not paying attention to the music. >> she will write a secret about the trader jose salsa and the spaghetti sauce. that's racist. >> it is racist, trader jose. >> that's a good point. you go to the grocery store. if you are daydreaming or thinking about anything it is food. i go there and i'm like a savage, whatever i can grab. i am not thinking about the leer ricks of a song. >> it is interesting that she says these songs can make men feel aggressive or anger toward women. well this poor store clerk she went up to was probably angered by her, but he is not
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going to kill her because some people just don't kill other people. music or no music. >> and she writes in the article that when she went up to this kid or whatever she said "i explained in friendly terms that i was a frequent shopper and heard a song" and she goes on and on. she said "his first response was to tell me smugly that art was a matter of interpretation." so she was friendly and he was smug. i am guessing his story is a little different. >> to me it read like the not another onion story. it should be in the onion. >> here is my point on this. while she was probably upset about this or was definitely fake outraged, she had in her mind to go and write an article about this. i bet there was somebody in a wheelchair having trouble getting into a bathroom at a supermarket.
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there is actually probably somebody somewhere with a legitimate problem, a legitimate beef in a public place a and it had nothing to do with music. it was getting up a ramp or getting stuck in line. it had nothing to do with that [bleep] music. >> and she took that guy away. >> she went to trader joe's because she was on deadline and didn't have any idea for articles. while she was in there the song came on and she is like, that's it. >> there was a polluted stream of consciousness. >> that person never complains. people with legitimate gripes they never write the letters. it is i bought lettuce and one piece of lettuce was brown and now i will sue the store. it is always those people. >> what is your educational background? this is what you are qualified to do when you get a degree in cultural theory. what else are you going to do? you are not working in trader joe's. >> she trained for this.
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>> boy, at first restarted out supporting it and then we changed our tune. >> perhaps. >> people who bake are bept out of -- bent out of shape. governor chris christie and some new jersey legislators want to impose a tax on e sigs. they like when successful quiters fail. retailers are seeing red says one vape store owner. you put the tax on and they will all find the products on-line. why would you come in here and buy it from me? i sure wouldn't. christie thinks the new tax could bring $35 million a year or what owe riley spends on tries. on ties. they are considering a 6% sales tax on health clubs and yoga studios. we went to a typical gym to get a reaction.
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>> dogs on treadmills and running out of things to put there. the government is taxing healthy people too. i like that. even though i hate taxes, they are the smug ones that laugh at jerks who have sinful behaviors. i must have spent thousands of dollars in cigarette taxes. >> you don't want to tax your way out of problems. last i checked christie was supposed to be a conservative. and now his instipg is -- instinct is to say we're broke and let's tax people. you will destroy the businesses and these retail places that sell the product and they don't care. every trendy product is another thing to tax. >> i was referring to the health club tax. >> the other question was is
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christie a jerk? is chrisy a jerk -- christie a jerk for something that could save lives. i haven't had a cigarette in eight months because of e-cigs? >> it is jerky. apparently they will use revenues raised to fund stop smoking programs. why ruin the thing that helps stop smoking with taxes? the @ealth tax thing, stepping back, why not tax the anti- smoking drug that causes chest pains and hyper ventilation and suicidal thoughts? why not slap that with a tax. >> because people aren't buying that. people who are healthy and want something are not going to be attacked. >> just for fun should we be taxing lap band surgery? take something that affects chris christie at his gut.
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find a lap band cornel retax and -- band surgery tax and tax the thing that makes him healthier. >> it is not about health. it is about what will make them the most money in tax revenue. new jersey is the only state that does not invest state money to anti-smoking efforts. it is not about the health and kids are going to see these and they will start smoking and it is bad for the children. they didn't want the funding to go there. that is a good idea about him tasting his own medicine. >> exactly. get him where it hurts, andy. i discovered chris christie. >> nobody knew who he was. >> until we started playing the christie porn. >> him yelling at people. there is a guy i can vote for. >> a christie spokesperson says governor christie wants to level the playing field between cigarettes and e-cigarettes. >> by all means level the playing field between
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something that causes cancer and emphysema and something that helps stop use the thing that us cays cancer and emphysema. thank god for tolgate or he would be a presidential candidate. >> it makes no sense. they don't read the literature. who are they talking to? it is infuriating. it bothers me. >> the dc tax, what they are doing in washington, they are talking about taxing carpet cleaners and car washes and bowling alleys and pool halls. >> that's my saturday night. >> exactly. >> my saturday. what is next, dollar stores and milk tea shops? >> they will tax anything they can tax. they would tax a tax. >> they will tax meth clinics. >> i counsel 18 to 21-year-old women. and a lot i manage to get into the car wash business to make in the extra money. these taxes are going to kill them. i think for their sake we have to stop this. >> is the sales tax on the
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calendar too? >> you can buy it direct. >> check out andy's car wash and cutoffs calendar. it is all pictures of middle aged men in cutoffs washing old classic cars and there are holes in weird spots. the militant group that has seized key cities in iraq says it will start imposing islamic law. in mosul and other areas, the islamic state of iraq and sear sear -- syria, isis has banned guns. they laid out the new rules and drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and guns are outlawed. in short, fun is banned. i can read that. and it shows women -- says women should only go outside if necessary. so not all of the rules are bad. members of isis were shown burning cigarettes and booze. that should be considered grounds for war.
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speaking of wasteful, another animal. >> what are you doing? >> what are you doing? >> are you having fun? >> when you need that much toilet paper, it is time to change your diet. no matter how much you wipe, you are still wiping. jedediah, shut up. they are banning cigarettes and guns, jedediah. america, we know better than the jihadys. >> this is the opposite of everything we stand for. which is why we should have left some residual troops to make sure it didn't happen or put a status of forces agreement in. if we were investing blood and money and troops in this venture we should have done it right. this is what happens when we leave too soon. >> exactly, liz. is iraq lost. >> it seems that way. it is splitting up.
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i agree with jedediah. >> that happens in marriages and they are still friends. >> not really. >> mom and dad still see each other. >> seeing those guys with the blackout fits and the masks on, i will say something controversial, but how are they different from the ku klux klan? dressing up and not showing their faces and attacking and brutalizing women and children? >> they are pretty bad. it is safe to say that. andy, go ahead and defend your heros in isis. this is not the metal band, or, andy -- joanne gnaw cameron who is so cute. that's the real isis. >> how does she fly with those shoes? >> you say all mighty isis and a lot could happen. >> let's get back to the horrible things. >> this is what a bloomburg presidency would look like. it is not a good sign when iran may be the good guys here. they may have to be the good guys. is the pottery barn rule still
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in effect? do we have to fix this? has the warranty expired? >> i think the warranty expired. we are done. now we just have to look at our border. it is time for the mote people. it is time for the great wall of china all-around. you are not coming in. that's where they will go. the ooze of islamic terror will flow to the least resistance and it is going to be down south. josephine, you saw the -- saw them destroy the shock pile of booze and you started shaking like a leaf. >> i shed a few tears. the only thing i can say about this and what everybody should take to heart is waste not, want not. >> i wonder what booze they were destroying? >> it is the booze they don't like. i hate these people. >> it was mostly well booze. >> yeah, well booze. you know what this is? this is an argument for border
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reform. if we can't beat the crazies abroad, they will come here and beat our broads. >> they are change the shape of the border. >> i am not using the phrase immigration reform. i am calling it border reform. >> catchy. >> you can't fill a tub without a plug. coming up, my self-confidence. it happens every time i eat a bat. but first, what is in your local library? some quiet and a homeless person peaking? if i said hookers would you stick around? well, it is hookers. cute ones too. female announcer: get on board for better sleep.
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found teens who acted cool in school were more likely to have problems in early adulthood. they followed 184 adolescents from age 13 to 33 and report that those who were dating and breaking the rules later became less competent in relationships and had more issues with drugs, booze and the law. said the author of the study, it appears that while the kids' behavior may have been linked to popularity, these teens needed more and more extreme behaviors to try and appear cool. what a brilliant assessment. if only someone had written a book about this topic. anyway, keep going. i didn't even think that was going to happen. that was nice, everybody. a nice surprise. we asked the cool kid to comment.
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>> that's my smoking cat. >> see what i mean? once he starts smoking it is all over. >> andy, you were captain of the football team and dated the head cheerleader and possibly shoved heads in lockers. are you an exception to the rule? >> no, my life is a mess now. but i don't care. i was a cool teen. that's all that -- those six years of high school are the -- if you are cool, those are great times, man. >> the last two years especially. you could beat up everybody. >> instead of spending time and money on a 10-year study watch any movie ever made or go to any high school reunion ever and you can learn the same thing. joanne, you claim not to have been cool in school which is strange since you dated every has been 80s villain. is the study making you think about your life?
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>> it is. there are so many out l h yers -- out liars. performing arts high school, uncool. school with money, a little more cool. >> i see what you mean i guess. you are giving me a look. you have something to say. you have something to add. >> what were you going to say? >> i was going to say what do you think? >> i was thinking, how do you measure cool? what is cool? >> what is cool? >> did you read his book? >> yeah. my feelings are hurt. >> i will save may time for jedediah. >> you claim to like nerdy guys, but i think you hang around nerdy guys to lure and bait muscular bullies and then you go home with the muscular bully. >> i never dated a muscular bully. the best boyfriends were the outcast with the braces and the acne.
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they didn't get the egos. along the way they learn to say things like i'm sorry. i was wrong. they are not jerks. >> i didn't date anybody in high school. my sisters joked i was virgin by popular demand. >> you are beautiful. i hate your sister. you i was such a nerd that my acne had braces. >> look how well you turned out. >> it took a longtime to get success, my friends. it is incremental. if you get it too early you self-destruct. nothing makes you feel better and you have blown your so to speak. i have nothing else to add. except buy my book and you can hear more about this later. coming up, my favorite story or one of my favorite stories, the tickle bandit. first a word from our sponsor. >> tonight's c block is
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breaking into three homes with this week near boston college. i didn't know they had colleges there. cops said the pervert who has been at there for awhile came through unlocked doors and attempted to particular keep people's tootsies. said one person, my roommate was asleep and felt somebody tickling his foot. he thought it was the cat, but there was a man crouching by the bed. the tickling bandit then fled -- >> yeah, into the other bedroom. >> and locked the door and masturbated. but eyewitnesses got a good look at this guy and police released this sketch of the perp. plot twist. >> he looks familiar. >> who was that? >> i don't know, liz. what would you do if you woke up and a person was tickling your feet?
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>> we had a similar thing happen when i worked at a magazine. we had a guy who would come in and sneak in and smell our shoes if they were lined up. >> was his name chuck jones? >> no, but might have been. no he was a messenger. and we had another messenger who was the dart man. remember the dart man? he would go to midtown and throw darts at rear ends. daily news took a shot of him and he went like this. >> wouldn't you say you would have to be pretty short. >> to blow darts at women's rear ands? >> it seems like you have to be short. >> they said he was playing pin the tail on the honky. >> what a terrible joke. i condemn. >> jedediah loves it. >> completely offensive. >> she is cracking up.
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>> jedediah, are you okay? are you choking on something? what if he breaks into the wrong home and dash a dash somebody is tickling my foot i would shoot them. and it would be self-defense. >> if you are going to have an intruder i would rather have somebody break into my apartment and tickle my feet than kill me. >> did you hear that a? >> i mean, a foot fetish intruder, that's like the most harmless one. >> no, no, no. the bottom of my feet are so ticklish, i can't get massaged. i can bury walk on t ground. i can bury walk on the ground. >> what is going on? is this true or a prank? >> is it a made up story? >> i don't know. let's pretend it is real, liz. >> i think joe has an opinion on this. >> i wrote this is definitely not a prank. >> he is a freak who loves feet. who ever is doing this investigation is not doing a
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good job. they are not putting the people together. there has to be something about each case's feet that this guy is going after. like pedicures or size. >> maybe it is somebody who deals with their feet. it could be somebody at the footlocker. >> let me tell you what these people have in common. they don't lock their [bleep] door. they interviewed one guy and he said he came in the house last semester. we started locking our door and it hasn't happened since then. who would have thought that? boy the college kids are on top of it. >> you have a weird fetish don't you? you said cops say the pervert? >> yes. >> let's not be judgey. the man with the alternative method of pleasuring hems. >> everybody has a fetish. >> i like to be picked up and
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carried around. >> that's hilarious. >> i like people who can pick me up and carry me around. >> that's hilarious! >> i have one. i like to be put to bed. i like somebody to put me to bed. >> wow, this is the greatest segment ever. >> i want to be tucked in. every night i have to be put to bed. >> that's not a -- is that a sexual thing? you just want somebody to take care of you. >> that's amazing. joanne? >> christmas music. >> really? >> no! >> she is backtracking. i can hear her coming from her office. "gipping gel bells --" jingling bells." >> i can't think of any. >> every human being has a weird thing, and if they say they don't it is really,
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really weird. everyone knows. >> what is your fetish? >> you said it on the show. >> you with your freaky cast thing? >> i just thing women in casts are cute. >> what? >> if they are in a ski -- not like a -- you know, a sports injury. >> is that why you volunteer at the hospital each saturday? >> we need to re-do that cast, ma'am. i'm saying a sports injury. i don't know why. >> are you a cast tickler too? >> i am a cast scratcher. ma'am would you like your cast scratched? it is free. we have to go to the next story. i love this story. she hooks next to books. cops in massachusetts arrested a 20-year-old woman for prostitution in a public library.
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she was overdue for a screw. police got a tip she was soliciting instead of studying and sent over an undercover cop. speaking of books, check her out. a little public. the uh -- a little pun. britney mac intire approached the police officer and exchanged note and a sexual act for $60. we don't know what the act was, but i am guessing it is novel. jedediah, i am so confused. i did this last night. do you feel bad for her? she wasn't walking the streets. she was trying to do her prostituting in a nice, warm place. >> i am not surprised. i find libraries sexy. the old books. >> the privacy. >> it is not just because i like college police officers. >> another fetish. >> i should have said that one. >> if somebody carried you into the library that would be amazing. >> they will have a really good night.
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>> andy are you surprised if the prostitute is attractive? >> no because i am not like you. i like that she is passing notes in the library. she was raised correctly. i am team britney on this one. >> i am too. joanne, guys who look at porn in the library are worse than what she was doing. she was doing it quietly and providing a service. unlike people in the library. >> it is great pr for libraries. free pr. although i want to have a talk with her. $60? you are worth a little more. know your worth, women. >> you know what she is? she is a victim of the drug war. she is doing this to pay for drugs. that's why she is there and prostituting herself cheaply. if drugs were legal she wouldn't have to do this and she would be leading a much better life, liz. >> i am not sure. i think she is smart. i think she went foe the geek market in the library and
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priced it right. by the way, andy made an interesting -- this blew up on the internet. why is she writing it down? i think andy was right that she didn't want to be rude and talk about it. >> i think we need to adopt her. "red eye" needs to adopt her. i was going to let her stay at my place and get back on her feet. i don't know if my wife would mind. >> it is for a good cause. >> she would think it is okay to have a hot prostitute. >> i see no problem with that. >> i just won't tell my mom -- my wife and i will bring her home. coming up, is this 11-year-old white rapper the next justin bieber? i hope so. we need more biebers.
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rap songs and his squeaky clean way. here he is doing jay-z and rihanna's "run this town." >> ♪ we gonna run this town smote. ♪ ♪ we are, we are ♪ pledge of allegiance ♪ all black, everything black ♪ ♪ black curves ♪ everything ♪ talented ♪ getting ready so original ♪ couple hands down on my way ♪ ♪ say you got a boyfriend >> our society is wonderful. and here he is doing chris brown's "loyal" minus the n-word. >> ♪ you give a girl your heart and she treat it like dirt ♪ ♪ she mind ♪ ♪ i ain't lying ♪ oh yes that nerve
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♪ she's a big flirt ♪ on the mic ♪ and you doing all right if you apartment tricked again ♪ ♪ that girl ain't love you ♪ that girl ain't love >> we need to see more of that. can we cut more tape please? maybe 10 seconds would have done it. we didn't need that. would you buy stock in this boy sensation? >> no. by the way, i i don't think he is 11. he is like 4 years old. >> it is awful. ant 11 fifth grade? >> don't ask me like i would know. i don't keep up on that. >> let me check michael could you later. on a scale of one to coconut juice, how evil is this? >> he is better than macklemore. obviously the cultural
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appropriation is problematic, but you knew i would say that. he is not the worst thing i have ever heard so good for him. >> what is the worst thing you have ever heard? >> adam levine. >> he also covers chris brown. >> i think the kid is talented, but where are his parents? >> they are looking for justin bieber. they put out youtube videos and they become enormously, famous and rich. it is parents driven. the parents are crazy if they think this is a good idea for kids. >> so you say it is evil? >> evil times two. >> i don't know if you can multiply evil. it is like multiplying a whole. >> i can't remember where i am. joanne --
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>> this is a fox news alert. i am in new york and a statement by the department of defense confirming army sergeant beau bergdahl is back in the united states. the army is keeping his arrival under wraps. there are no pictures of his arrival because of the controversial response by the obama administration for his release. he was swapped on may 31st for five high-profile taliban prisoners held at guantanamo bay. the taliban held bergdahl for five years. bergdahl was being treated at the military's regional medical center in germany before leaving yesterday. the news conference is expected sometime later today on plans for bergdahl's treatment at the medical center. again, fox news can confirm that beau bergdahl is back in the u.s. his freedom coming after the controversial release of these five taliban prisoners. stay with fox news for the
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very latest on his return. i'm marianne raferty in new york, back to "red eye" in progress. >> that's not a horse. that's a zebra that fell in black paint. i don't even know what i meant by that. >> soued good. >> it did. do i have time to move on? what am i doing? i lost track. coming up, zen ties, the fetish you didn't know you wanted to have. fox news.com/red eye. female announcer: get on board for better sleep.
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i have recently become interested in party goers who are participating in activities like plastic wraps. i invited my co-host on "the five" to try it. i think it was a success. the appeal is in the sensations and the anonymity. the body suits come in many materials, colors and sizes. and you can have yours custom made. mine is maiden tierl of the -- made entirely of the human skin i was saving. i do shed. liz, you go to these parties. >> it is really enjoyable. i like to be wrapped in bubble wrap. >> it is a different sensation. >> and then you like to be put to bed. that is an interesting sensation. jedediah, i am guessing you have worn weirder things. >> probably have.
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>> why don't you date a fireman? >> i will do that later tonight. there is only one person in a costumes of that nature, and that, my friend, is spider-man. if you are not spider-man, it won't be confined as such. if you want sensation you can put more layers on. isn't that more sensation than whatever that cloth is? >> i don't know anybody who finds satisfaction in not being able to move. this is like a sleep paralysis dream. you wake up and you can't move and you can't scream? i hate that. joanne some say part of the fun is people don't know who you are. it is like you all the time. >> i wouldn't like going to a party like this. >> which one am i? we don't know. much easier than this, how about just doing drugs?
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>> so you are telling our viewers to do drugs? that's great, joanne. >> i didn't say that. i could maybe do the suit, but the wrapping in plastic, that would have made me wet myself. >> i don't get the wraps of plastic. >> some are vacuum wrapped. >> they get really tight. >> can't you die from that? >> i think you do. we were told never to do this when we were children. the tokyo zenti club has a hundred members and i'm sure you have applied? >> i was shocked this was happening in japan. on the other hand, is this weirder than dressing up as batman and lurking outside my neighbor's window and hanging out on the fire escape? >> i like the batman thing. >> you are a weird owe. would you like a man dressed as batman like to carry you
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carry you over -- >> when i hear sleigh bells. >> and liz can be put to bed while i hobble around on a crutch. actually i am not the one injured. in fact, it is not injured, but have a little cast. i don't want anything signed. i want the completely clean. >> i can't believe -- i can't wait to bring it up and you will be like, i can't believe you are telling everybody. >> that does it for me. jedediah, andy, jennifer, liz. ♪
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or would we? it . hello, everyone. i'm andrea tantaros. it's 5:00 in new york city, and this is "the five". well, america, have you heard? the world is safer than ever. >> the world is less violent than it has ever been. it is healthier than it has ever been. it is more tolerant than it has ever been. >> and of course the president and his vp have also told us that al qaeda is on the run. >> there should be no doubt, today america is stronger and al qaeda is on the path to we decimated altd ald's leadership. al qaeda is on t
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