hello everyone. it's 5:00 in new york city. this is "the five." so sue me. three short words but when delivered with a certain tone speaks volumes and when it's the president of the united states, the man the country is supposed to look up delivering those "so sue me" words those lines, has our commander-in-chief checked out. listen to this tape from yesterday. hear the arrogance, the c-- >> i don't have to run for

office. you hear some of them. sue him. impeach him. really? [ laughter ] really? for what? you're going to sue me for doing my job? okay. think about that. use taxpayer money to sue me for doing my job. while you don't do your job. >> you know what's sad. we have a president who rather play pool and drink beer rather than tackling problems that attack america. what's really sad we elected him twice. a little tone change. >> most stores have an excellent return policy and i like to frequent those that do. sort of your money back guarantee. here the deal, america bought him, twice. twice. have we learned anything from this education? what i do know he seems to remarkably be in some good spirits. look at all the things that are

going on around him. the whole house is crumbling down. the foundation has given out. still it seems he doesn't quite understand the severity and the gravity of the problem. so am i to be encouraged he seems so relaxed and aloof and sort of like out of touch or what? >> we have so many things going. bob, can we jump over here for a second. angie, a lot of things going on around the world. a little aloof. >> yeah. too cool. that's okay during the first campaign. maybe okay during the second presidential when the middle east is burning, veterans are dying and the border basically put under siege. we talk about tone a lot. this tone reminded me of a student council president. something you hear on a college campus. bob is laughing. college campus or high school. maybe high school junior high running for class president. on the permanent campaign and i think if he had advisors around

him that weren't stepford staff nodding at whatever he said would pull him aside and say this is not a good look four. this is serious. i know you want to win the house and you want to keep the senate but there's serious stuff here. going after republicans and joking and laughing and chugging beers and playing pool you have to stop that for a while until you figure out what to do. >> greg, he makes a good point he doesn't have to run for re-election. if this was four years ago would he be more attuned to what's going on at the border. >> that's why polls don't remember. if he was a conservative, a republican, you should act that way. if you know you have no consequences you should do everything you can to fulfill your ideology. i don't think he was bad last night. when i watch him speak i say the republicans should have that. should have a guy who has that kind of confidence. i don't like him using the word

"really." that's a bad phrase. fox news has said this whole idea of this impeachment movement is ridiculous. he's he ecoing what we're sayin. he's won two elections. he done care. he's changing society. to him watching the border break down is a political triumph because his mission is to create comprehensive reform. this isn't bothering him. this is what hope and change sal about. the republicans need to find somebody who can do that. >> what i learned from this, you've been looking for a guy like this. >> i've been saying the right needs to find their obama, somebody who can handle this kind of stuff. >> part of the problem with that theory, why president obama is acting like this because he can is the fact, bob, that we're probably the seventh crisis in in the last five and a half years. >> there's a method to his

madness. first of all, in every one of these things he said i'm doing my job, the republicans are not. and that's his message. frankly, it happens to be true. on immigration he can say the house can bring it up, they don't like what's in the senate, debate it, amend, go to conference. they won't do that. when boehner says he'll sue him, come on. they going time peach him? the guy from texas is the only guy that signed on to that. there's more here than just taking it too easy. >> he's not doing his job. either he doesn't understand or care about constitution which is weird as a constitutional attorney. bob, it would take one quick fix in the law that's on the books to handle this situation at the border, at least the court and deportation issue. there's no effort by this administration to do any of that. >> you know what he needs? in every movie the main character has a best friend that comes over and tells him all the thing he needs hear to get the girl back.

he has less friends than e. coli. he doesn't have anybody in his circle saying dude time for an intervention, you're scaring the crap out of the country, you have to stop playing pool. time for an intervention. but the groupies in the media won't help him. >> maybe valerie jarrett can. >> we so happen to have a couple of people that he should start listening to. here's mark halperin first. >> how does that speech, how does that tone, how does the confrontation, given all the history totally accept, how does that solve this. how does that deal what kind of country are we that the president can't figure out a way to lead, to get the situation with the kids solved. >> it gets worse. roll the carrville. >> it's a mistake. a significant mistake. public expects a president to show up at these kind of moments and frankly i agree with the

democratic consultants that came before. people are frustrated. he should have gone. >> they are jumping off the band wagon, bobby. are you, by the way? >> no. but i talked to a guy who is intimately involved in their campaign, both of them. and i said to him, can you guys give me anything to work with? anything? it would be nice. he said about greg's point about the close people around him, he said you have to know what it's like to get through valerie jarrett and michele obama and i think that's a tough deal for anybody on a staff to do. he made it clear to me, the stepford comment is something to that. he lives in a zone that nobody else goes. >> stepford staff, they just sit around and go, ah-ha. nobody has the guts to say knock it off. >> he doesn't want to hear it either. >> you're right about that. >> he doesn't want to hear it. he doesn't don't criticized.

this is an individual where life has been kind. he's been popular his whole life. gone to the best schools. he has all the people fawning over him. we've all had bad things in our life. he's in the white house. won election twice. things are going pretty well for him. >> when he goes and says i need $3.7 billion. not only do i need 3.7, it's an emergency, here's how i want to spend it. i want to spend it on things like health care for these people, processing these kids, sending the kids back, talking to the countries that are sending the kids instead of closing the border. he can't be so aloof we'll pony up $3.7 billion. >> if the media won't call you on it and are confident that the pretty that write the history books will give you a good review he's right. in his mind he thinks he is the best president. when you look at what he wants,

multiculturalism, open borders then he is the most successful president of time. he's getting exactly what he wants. >> the media is, you know, is actually the main culprit here because you see those guys complaining about obama because they already voted for him twice. now they can call on him. our border is their burden. they are documents their perilous journey. they don't look at the struggle of citizens in towns immigrants end up in. we know the side the media is take. same side that our president is on. they might complain but it's phoney. >> it's been appropriated in the house and tacked on to the homeland security bill. do you think anybody will vote against that? >> maybe. i don't know. here in lies the problem. he says he needs it.

>> it's a very smart move. >> $3.7 billion. $74,000 per kid. look at it this way. 68,000 teachers we could be spending that money on instead. >> there's a lot of families who are really struggling in this country and children that are hungry and starving. shelters where people can't provide meals for their children. people are disgusted and heart gender how arrogant, cold and callous. i do feel bad for these children. who wouldn't. why are their parents put them in harm's way and sending them across the border like this with drug dealers and coyotes. that's not a safe environment. we should do something to protect the children by securing the children so these predators can't take advantage of it. >> there is one shelter that i think is useful, it has 132 rooms and 35 bathrooms. called the white house. you can probably put eight bunk beds in a room, get 1,000 people

in there. is that mutation of language. we know what a refugee is. a refugee is somebody fleeing persecution. calling all these people refugees is a lie. they are not fleeing persecution they are fleeing a crappie country. people leaving chicago are they refugees. if you leave detroit are they refugees. if you believe these are refugees what do you do about it? you go to those countries and fix those countries but nobody likes american exceptionalism. >> here's the point. the real culprit the mexico. mexico allows them to transfer through their country from central america and drug lords control that border and that's what's happening. mexico should be called into account. >> why do we funnel millions of dollars to central america. we were joking we should move to el salvador and open up a pr

firm. we can have tequila happy hours. do you think you can buy a pr campaign. these countries know if they send people there they are going to say. actions speak louder than words. >> here's the action. u.s. aid stops. >> how about this. meet with the president of honduras, guatemala. just meet with them. sit down and say. >> the president of mexico too. >> why not encourage a central america spring. why not? because they love our country so much -- >> you just started revolution. >> let's export our country there. that's american imperialism and everybody hates that. >> bring them to lower manhattan and occupy wall street. don't you think the obama donors would love that. >> no spring this year. >> stay tuned we're just getting started. greg will tell you about a new war in america next. later, my fool of the week. back in a moment.

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♪ there's a new war in america, the humane versus the inhumane. the humane are those who see borders as obstacles who believe homeless should get free pot, who see gender pronounce are evil. the inhumane are the rest of us. deport babies. let the sick die because we hate obamacare. probably homophobic. led by a white house that sees all through the prism of politics. >> we have to acknowledge this as the humanitarian challenge it is and make sure the united states will receive these

children in a humane way. >> the president has asked for additional resources from congress to open up detention facilities across the country where these individuals can be housed in humane conditions. >> i'm also focusing myself on giving the administration on the resources they need to protect these children and treat them humanely. >> we stand ready to support efforts to treat little children in a humane way. >> i'm so inhumane. remember when the right, left and center shared one thing, a bothered. it made us americans. remove that and what are we? the debate over citizenship is the debate over survival. anyone fleeing from persecution knows this. humane masks policies often that are anything but. it's free pot for the homeless. you think that makes them less homeless. you think pot improves their lot? i say not. look at the border. the humane has gone insane. buildings full of blank faces some pauns others cons on a

question of separation and sadness. those who see this horror and want answers are inhumane. we've seen history and they are full of those who are namely in humane leaving them weeping in their wake. so, isn't it more humane to use these children as pawn, kimberly? >> i don't know. so much politics coming in this. when you see criticism that's really fairly accurate and reasonable coming from both side you know you have a serious problem on your hands. i would like nothing better than the president to rise to the occasion and do something about this. something lasting instead of always looking back to say this is why i'm having problems now because of the guy before me. that's not leadership. take ownership much it. you were elected twice. liberals want to control your life from birth to death because they know best. if you do, president obama tell us how we can solve this problem and do something about it. >> bob, there are a lot of people that are worried so when they are on camera they are

angry and cameras are in their faces and they look angry. are they inhumane for being concerned about gangs or illness? >> here's the problem with this whole discussion is that i don't believe that republicans are inhumane. i think a lot of them are very humane. i don't believe all democrats are as you described them are liberals. i recognize that you paint a broad brush. but the fact is that there are 11 million illegal immigrants in this country. there are 60,000 kids down there. it is much bigger problem. and i think if democrats, republicans can get together they can get a bill, simply sit down and talk to each other. politics has played a role. obama has politicized and the republicans hatch politicized. we're not inhumane or humane. you guys are humane people. you don't want to see -- i certainly don't want to say that i want to see a socialist country. i don't. but i certainly do believe these kids should not be sent back and i think they are a small

percentage of the bigger problem. >> isn't part of the problem, eric, servicing a team sport now. everybody picks a side. it's okay to do that but when it's your border you kind of go, that's off limits. >> so you ran a bunch of sound bites of democrats only democrats using the word humane because they are trying to garner sympathy for the cause. how humane is abortion? you don't hear a democrat say apply the word humanity, humane to the abortion cause. because if they did it would blow their theory out of the water. >> i don't think it would send a message. some people believe it's a humanitarian problem. >> said humanitarian problem. happens not to be our humanitarian problem. >> it is because they are here. >> there are different ways to hand all humanitarian problem other than saying that those who disagree with you aren't humane.

i mean, to me in my mind the most humane thing in the world, in the history of the world has been the united states. we've done more to help the world than anybody. why can't we export our values to places where there are problems rather than the problems forcing people to come here? >> the reason that they use the term humane is exactly what you said because then it has the benefit of implying that anyone who doesn't agree with them is inhumane which, bob, you even agree republicans that don't support this bill no matter where the fund cigarette going are inhumane. juan earlier in the week said why are you attacking kids. you are very humane today. i'm all in favor of you having dates after the show. very humane. >> got be careful in painting these broad strokes. that's what greg does. look you do it well. >> don't you think it's inhumane to keep these kids away from their parents, to keep these children and these young girls

at risk of being raped. do you think these conditions are humane at all or do you think it's humane to let veterans die. >> look, i don't believe any of this is humane, the va or anything else. parents sent these children up here and the mexicans allowed them to come through. >> these conditions are anything but humane. you got gang members, ms-13 coming in and recruiting. >> that's why you need money to take care of this. >> it's always money is the answer for liberals. republicans are inhumane. that's not the situation. >> if you're not going to get them all out at one time and they can't live in conditions like this. >> it's awful for these children. >> kimberly, you mentioned these gangs and i think it's inhumane to call them a gang. it's cruel. maybe call them a troop or a cooperative, a merry band of men

seeking adventure. >> they are boy scouts troop. >> i'm so sorry. it's from my prosecutor days. it hardens me. >> nancy pelosi thinks five men on the supreme court shouldn't make decisions about women's birth control. megyn kelly isn't buying it. you'll hear why when we come back. ♪ ♪ great rates for great rides. geico motorcycle, see how much you could save. legs, for crossing. feet...splashing. better things than the joint pain and swelling of moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis.

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♪ all right. nancy pelosi getting a little hysterical over the hobby lobby decision and playing the gender card. she thinks five men have no business ruling on birth control. >> we should be afraid of this court. "the five" guys should start determining what contraception are legal or not. that court decision was a frightening one that five men should get down the specifics of whether a woman should use a

diaphragm and should she pay for it or her boss. it's not her boss's business. >> megyn kelly isn't buying it. >> nancy pelosi either doesn't know what she's talking about or intentionally mislead ug. first of all the gender of the justices in hobby lobby decision is irrelevant. it's an attempt to stoke resentment. when roe v. wade was men in the majority. does she think those justices were ill equipped to decide that case? if speaker john boehner made a similar comment about female justices nancy pelosi would be crying sexism. >> what do you think as a man. >> i'm the worst person to go to. i agree with megyn. it's not just pelosi. it's liberals. they do the same exact thing.

if they get a supreme court ruling they don't like the supreme court is biassed, 5-4. we're screwed. we can't wait until there's another democrat appointed or whatever. >> are you kidding me? >> when they go in your favor like obamacare and things like that, oh, they are the best things -- >> she whined so much about the obamacare 5-4 decision -- >> you whined about the hobby lobby decision. >> i was just about to say. >> i was about to say -- i was going agree with you. when you get beat in the supreme court you don't like it and use whatever ammo you got. >> definitely a bold move on megyn kelly taking on nancy pelosi in a very pointed way. how do you see it? >> the next segment we're going to do on the show is how women can get away with things men can't. women can get away with what nancy pelosi got away which is

blaming men. part of the democratic party either play the catholics on the supreme court or blame the men on the supreme court. so i'm sure they said okay you're a democratic female, your hit that woman talking point. and if you would put any other word in that blank, kimberly, right, jewish, right. any other word. single woman. and imply that somehow single woman on the supreme court are making these decisions, their heads would blow off on the other side. >> there would be an explosion. >> it's sexist what she's doing and cheap too. i have this last question. the birth control case was decided on the supreme court, w. does pelosi have a problem with that. >> she's very selective to try to make an argument to attack. the bottom line is if you equip yourself with the law and the constitution then you know that it was a ruling on sound legal principle. is what the supreme court is supposed to do. they are not a partisan arm of either party. >> if you look at brown versus

board of education which i think was the most important decision in the civil rights movement, all white males and they voted unanimously. so i think you go to be a little careful. you can line when we do something. you have to be careful with your words. you also have to know your history. if you don't understand history -- >> is this your advice to her? >> yes. >> why are you being so logical today? >> i had a rough day yesterday. >> who is this woman you went out with this afternoon. >> i got a call from pelosi's office and she wants you to ban five men and five napkin burger. >> pelosi is right. men made that court ruling. they also invented electricity. the polio vaccine and birth control pill. what a bunch of sexist jerks. pelosi should think before she speaks but then she would never speak.

she's sexist towards not just men but women but think women are incapable of existing without a government sugar daddy. to her women are helpless and the government is white knight, i'm sorry racist, the knight in shining armor to save the day. >> my ex-wife believes electricity was done by a woman. >> wasn't it thomas edison. >> it was. >> ben franklin the key and the light bulb. it really was nicholas tesla who got his stuff stolen from thomas edison. we know that's right. >> that's another episode of "the five" goes hay wire. can women get away with some things that men can't? stick around. we'll debate that lightning rod topic next on "the five."

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this one. we're now going to debate things in life that women can get away with that men can't. there's alis. here's some interesting ones. women can go gaga over cute animals. order overly complicated drinks. people watch without looking like a total creep. and this one probably isn't up for much debate but women can easily get out of speeding tickets. >> that's true. >> okay. kimberly, i added some to this list. >> okay. >> line jump. you can cut a line. >> done that. >> men usually can't get away. shriek when we see a bug. >> i though i took on a cock roach. >> fuss about our hair and get along with it. >> whatever you do don't call bolling when he's in the hair

chair. >> eric can get away with it. you guys don't -- you can get away with it. >> we're girls. >> that's my point. i got this all figured out. women, they never forget anything. if you have an argument with a woman six months later you think it's resolved. she goes remember that thing we talked about. the other thing you know why they get out of speeding tickets? >> be careful. >> daisy duke. >> they smile. >> what were you going say. >> the new bob. this is awesome, by the way. >> how do they get out of them. >> i think they flirt with the cops and the cops are men. >> you are so well behaved today. did you have a date this afternoon or lobo torch my. >> the lobotomy happened a long time ago. >> here's one. when you're on the beach, my wife will see a good looking guy and say good lord look at that.

but if i see an attractive woman not only can i not comment on it i have to pretend i'm looking the other way. if i glance in the general direction i get smacked. >> she's very open with you. >> greg, some italian man told me you can do anything you want as long as you look good doing it. is that your life motto. >> yes, it is. there's one perk women can't get away with and that's giving birth. because they give birth they can have all the perks they want. if you had a choice, no perks at all and you don't give birth or giving birth and having the perks. i'll take the no perks any day. it's a mistake that feminists make. chivalry exists not because men believe women are the weaker sex but women have the tougher job. the reason why men die younger

we're busy preserving the more important sex. >> i don't think men get enough credit for the birthing process. >> were you there? >> itches there. >> women can slap a man but men can't slap a woman. >> i know some men really like that. >> at 2:00 in the morning -- my wife can't to "the five" arm. >> she's a great golfer. >> she was. she was a nice person. >> i never really thought of it but that one birthing experience makes up for a lot of opening doors. >> the reason s-from a biological standpoint they are more valuable than the male. that's why you can populate a city with one man. >> we have to shave our face. >> they keep moving our crap

around. if you just could let it sit where it is and not move it all the time. >> that's another relationship segment. >> it is? >> yeah. >> make sure to stay tuned for this next segment a big birthday party and all of you are invited. veggies you're cool... reworking the menu. mayo, corn dogs...you are so out of here!

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♪ all right. >> today is a very special day for us on "the five." it's our third birthday.

is my tie straight now? thank you to all of our fans for sticking with us in the last three years. we're going to go around the table now to talk about some of our favorite moments of the show. let's start with kimberly. >> a lot of moments. most of them involve you, bob. yes. new year's was nice. still living down that dream. but, you know what i loved? i loved broadway joe namath when i was interviewing him. you never know when the guy will go in for the smackdown. >> you heard it here from the greatest joe namath here in times square. >> leave my girl alone. you're not strong enough. your knees are bad. >> he's got bad knees. that's right, bob. >> i thought you were just saying that. >> that was me on tv right now?

>> how about you? >> well done. do i this before every show, check out what happened before one of the shows. watch. >> it's 5:00 in new york city and this is "the five." >> look at this. >> we have to let people know eric's exuberance knocked a cup of coffee all over dana's lap. >> it's 5:00 in new york city and this is "the five." >> not that every moment of this show isn't wonderful but that hilarious. as we're coming up on screen. >> it went every where. >> how about you? >> this is like an obscene gesture in the greek culture. >> really? >> three years later i thought i would clue you in. >> it means five guys.

>> five guys? in court. >> i was going to pick when sean hannity cooked us stake because he lost a bet. but i picked something sweet that was recent and it was the opening ceremony, footage from the games. that was really truly special, i would have to say the best moment of the last year. >> it was. it was a great piece you did, too. greg, how about you >> mine is a downer. remember on one more thing when i told you about how i went biking and i accidentally ran over that kitten and then here's dana's response. [ laughter ] >> we had to edit that out for the late night repeat because i. >> she's a dog person. she's america's dog person. >> speaking about dana. dana is not here today but she

sent us a limerick so i'll try to do my best. who thought this show would still be here at the end of year three but there's no better way to round off the day and that's how we all want to it be, happy anniversary fivers. very nicely done, dana. did you have to mention the dog. can we get through one shoes not here and not talking about the show. >> if it was by jasper you would have to pause. >> happy new year. >> i decided i was going to use some of my raw ones but given my habit i thought i would go with one i'm very proud of. greg tipped me off on this. when we took on cbs over the amazing race and so this is the, one of my tirades at cbs. >> cbs can't do any better than that have people go to a

memorial where people died take that show and shove it. you guys were anti-american and he deserve to apologize to veterans. after hearing from you folks cbs did just that. >> i want to apologize to veterans particularly those who served in vietnam. >> well done. >> i'll say this. it's amazing to me how many people in "the five" audience responded to that. i had a chance to talk to the head of the american legion and he was working -- a lot of people worked -- but the five audience cbs got over half a million hits on that and got a lot of pressure put on them. they said it. it's the power of once in a while you have some influence here and i think it's great. >> you were also excited that someone else was apologizing other than you. >> yeah. that's something that happens to me. remember the apology tour. i was going to go with that. but i said something there that was at that real problem.

>> people know your is that right in the right place. you're a great guy. >> we know it's been in the right place. it's been removed and put somewhere else. >> i said grease balls and you said you shouldn't talk about italians that way. greg said wait a minute when you cook you get grease up in your hair and i should have run with that i didn't. i went right back to the italians. >> do you think it was a good idea to repeat it? >> i don't know, eric. it is what it is. i am what i am. i can't change that. so there you go. all right. one more thing is up next.

all right. it's time for one more thing. andrea being kick it off. >> i love water slides and officially,000 the water slide in greg's apartment is the second largest. >> accidental water slide. >> kansas city, kansas is now home to the world's largest water slide. check this out. this is what it looks like to slide down the water slide. >> so crazy. >> i love water parks. so cool. not scary at all. >> don't look fun? >> it doesn't look like controlled water to me.

>> we should go to action park. >> that looks like fun. >> greg, you're up. >> i'm up? >> anthony will be talking about his outrageous tweets. i have a double ban phrase. putting aside and, what's the other one? we need a longer conversation. both of these are the ways of saying i cannot defend myself against your facts. so if you say something if aing the you a all, putting that aside or nail them they always say we need to have a longer conversation. then they scurry away. don't use those with me or i'll kill you. >> eric. kimberly. >> i didn't do it. >> were you hosting a segment. >> why is bob calling on people.

>> i have absolutely nothing. that was the last segment. in time for -- ♪ >> fool of the week. every week my toughest job is to figure out who is the fool of the week. so many to dploos. >> one thing we're going to do during this week sooner rather than late serato ensure that women's lives are not determined by virtue of five white men. this hobby lobby decision is outrageous. and we're going to do something about it. >> senate majority leader mr. reid, five white men. did you forget about this guy? this guy clarence thomas clearly not one of the five white guys you referenced. you are the fool of the week. k.g. you're up.

>> that wasn't good. all right. so let's talk about the united states of america and how amazing it is. >> we never do that. we constantly bash america. >> i want to talk to you about something i'm proud of and it's incredible and speaks to the greatness of this country. we have the united states naval hospital ship, the uss mercy and participating in the world's largest maritime exercise rim 2014 and this marks the first time in the 24 history that a hospital ship has joined the mission. keep in mind they can house up to 1100 medical personnel, ct scanners, four radioology machines. that's what this country is capable of in disaster relief. >> i just wanted to say, i think i have to speak up on behalf of all of us, this show -- >> don't speak for me. >> okay. the reason this show is a success is because of you all.

you are loyal viewers. you get in twouch us about a lot of things. you don't hold back particularly with me. we couldn't have been here with you and we'll be here for a lot more years. i didn't think we would last for two months and we did. >> happy anniversary, bob. >> have a great weekend, everybody. thank you for your service. you're fired. how the u.s. military is cutting staff by giving out pink slips on the battlefield. this is "special report." good evening i'm bret baier. losing your job is hard. finding out about it when you're in a war zone is something else all together. tonight correspondent leland vitter tells us that's what's happening and more to come for america's heroes. >> reporter: in combat every second counts, every ounce of energy is needed for "stayling alive." fox news has learned many