if you can't watch live, dvr. do you think the media will ever ban together to hold president obama to his promise of tonight on "red eye." will baby goats ever grasp the reflective properties of light? we have the heart breakingly adorable video. and what will they see if joe biden beat a preschooler in a game of scrabble? >> he would say what's your secret, joe? it had to be something special. >> and finally, slow cookers. why do they take so long to heat up our food? are they super lazy or just not give a damn? our full report is just eight short hours away. none of this is stories on "red eye" tonight. >> i'm tom shillue in for greg gutfeld who is back tomorrow. now let's welcome our guests.

her wit is quicker than quicksand and like quick cabbed it sucks you in until you cannot breathe. i am here with the national review reporter. she calls nyc her home now, but when she leaves will she miss her former new york? it is joanne joanne nosuchunsky. he is whip smart and like a whip his whip smarts. it is tv andy levy. and he was just on "the good wife" i know because i just watched" the good wife" it is a fantastic show. >> a block. the lede. that's the stories story. dash -- that's the first story. >> they are picketing the ticketing. robin hooders are walking off the streets of new hampshire filling expired parking meters and bugging parking attendants because they don't like paying particular cessments they

claim they steal from citizens to generate revenue. here is one guy explaining how he got involved. >> i racked up a bunch of parking pickets the only way to get my car back is to pay the $185 they say i owe. my own way of getting this back is where you go around and save other people from getting parking tickets. >> i already explained what robin hooding is. thanks. but is there -- is their f-u to the city legal? they are looking at whether they are in their first amendment rights. and the parking attendants claim their behavior is harassment and it keeps them from doing their jobs. let's see them in action. >> so this meter lady behind me, i president do know if you can see her, but she is who we are following today. >> who is going after her? >> seeking justice, parking justice.

>> thrilling. can we see that again in slow-mo? >> katherine, there are two sides to every story. are you on the side of the passionate young people or the greedy old bureaucrats? >> i think this is like a battle of losers here really. there are people like oh i am changing the world boy putting money in the meters and other people say i will changing the world by fining people with money. i don't know. >> do they really think they are changing the world? >> they clearly do. >> they are meter people. >> they all played yu-yo cards in high school. >> what is that? >> i only know because i dated

a guy that played y u-gi-o cards in high school. >> so you side with neither of them. >> i side with neither of them. i am anti-government so obviously i side with the people who are stoping the government from stealing. did you see them? they are losers. >> boy, tom, you like to fight. i know because you are wearing that jacket. do you applaud their protest? >> i side with law enforcement on this. >> oh you are a law and order guy. >> i was a cop back in the day. i hated lawen -- not law enforcement, but parking enforcement. we used to chalk the tires and then we did that. some jerk would come along and wipe the chalk off. they were robin hooding and it would annoy the hell out of me. you are an accessory to a crime. i am enforcing the law and you are not allowing me to enforce

the law. >> they are preventing crime. how are they preventing crime? >> by putting coins in the meters. if you are parked there, you are committing a crime. by them putting coins in the meters they are preventing you from committing a crime. they are crime prevention. >> what about erasing the chalk marks? >> would that be obstruction of justice? >> that would be along the lines of aiding and abetting. >> how are these people -- if you live in new hampshire and you are used to people saving you by putting coins in your parking place you will never come out and move your car. it is going to lead to traffic congestion. maybe this is interfering with traffic. >> whose side are you on here, tom? >> i am playing a host, andy. i like to see all sides. >> i greaty with katherine -- i agree with katherine. the first side said i racked up $185 of parking tickets.

they don't say you owe it, you owe it. >> what did he do? leave his car for a week? >> on the other hand the city -- in their lawsuit they claim the meter maids -- can i say a meter maid? >> it is sexist, but you can say it. >> meter matrons, i don't know. the city is claiming the meter maids or matrons are being harassed, but haven't filed charges. one would claim their charges are bogus if they make false claims. i am not one of those people, but i have heard of people who think the government makes false claims. this might be one here. >> i think they are being harassed. you saw the videos they are making. >> we have video evidence that the proof is in the pudding. i saw no harassment there. for all we know these meter maids are like celebrities. what is worse paparazzi?

they are saying the same sorts of things and getting the same attention. i would rather these teen/adult men do this than huff paint. >> those are the only two options. >> what else are you going to do? >> keep that in mind. >> i have never been there. >> this is the second time in two weeks. this is where they had the riots. the pumpkin riots. >> oh wow. >> you are a cop. >> i am against it. it is aiding and abetting. >> i believe in the first amendment of the constitution and they are within their rights. >> how are you aiding and abetting by putting money in a parking meter. >> you are allowing people to skirt the law. they didn't put the money in the meter. you are doing it. you are the coin ferry. >> no where on the meter does it say the person who parks

the car has to put the money in. 24r is no law being broken. >> you are nit-picking, you are picking nits. >> they said can you put 50 more cents in the meter? >> hold on a second, everybody. i think it is illegal to feed the meter at all. if there is a two-hour limit you are supposed to do the two hours and then get out of there. you are supposed to move the car and not put more coins in. >> you would think that. we worry about hacks more than attacks. a new gal lop poll shows credit card hacking is the crime most americans are most concerned about. more than getting mugged or murdered with cyber breeches at retailers like target and home depot more people are aware of the threat. 69% said they fear the thieves will steal credit card data. the next was computer and smartphone hacking followed by home burglary. and then car stolen or broken into. list, 28% and 18% fear lower murder and two% worry about

being punched by a kangaroo. that seems both high and low at the same time. you know what people should be most concerned about? pandas. >> i don't think that was a real panda. >> it was. >> it was? >> he was tall. >> are we worried you will be the victim of a crime? are you planning your next cyber heist? >> more people know someone who have had their credit card info stolen than know someone who has been murdered. >> a lot of people have been murdered, andy. >> when you are part of it, yeah, of course you do. >> i think this makes sense.

you have target and the other places who have had their stuff hacked. people who shop use credit cards or whatever. the interesting thing is going to be this new apple pay thing. apple has it on their iphones. >> which will be flawless. >> it is not that it won't be subject to hacking, but when you use apple pay your credit card info is not stolen on the servers. what people are worried about in the poll is the hacking of the company servers, places like target being hacked. if you use apple pay your info is not stored on the servers. it won't matter for you. >> you work for apple now? >> had thing about apple though is it is a fingerprint. now they have the eyeball scanners. where before they used to steal their credit card. they will get your eyeball and take your thumb off. that's how they will get out -- >> i saw that movie. they take your thumbs. >> that's creepy.

>> not anymore. >> are you afraid somebody hacking in and stealing the very little money greg pays you on the show? >> that's very little so i am not afraid. it has to do with your living and environment and hobbies. i live in the city and don't have a car. you want to come to my place and clean it? sure. there is nothing to steal. i am more worried about everything i see on "law and order" mugged or murdered. >> you were there in the 18%. >> yes. >> what happened to this thing of oh americans we are so cared cared -- so scared. we are afraid of phantom terrorists. it doesn't feel we are. >> i don't care if my debit card is stolen. i have had 19. i left one in a boot when i was trying clothes on. luckily people don't look l there. no judgeys. if it is stolen you don't have

to pay the $5 fee. then i started saying it was stolen and they said no. >> i don't think you ever have to pay the fee. >> you sweet talk them on the phone and they say we will take it off because you are a nice customer. >> have i a hard time being nice to people. >> are their fears rational or not? >> no. who cares? if you lose your deb bait -- debit card they can give it back. if you are brutally murdered, you are brutally murdered forever. >> that is true. andy what you are saying -- >> violent crime is low in this country right now. >> people who get murdered don't care. >> i am talking statistics. in certain areas that are high crime areas it is not the case, but this poll is nationwide and nationwide violent crime is down. it is not like people were calling up gal lop and saying i am afraid my credit card is hacked. they were giving us a list and they put this at the top of the list and i think this makes perfect sense. >> but isn't it still over

blown? if somebody hacks into something on your computer or if they get their credit card isn't it easy to fix it? >> no, you call the credit card. they mail it to you the next day you have a credit card. >> you are cleaning up a mess though. if you are hacked by a russian kid -- you can't see your perpetrator. >> you hate russians. >> i am afraid of a hacking cough. but i had my identity stolen once and two days later the guy gave it back because it suc cz to be me. i do know that the moping up after that and of having your credit destroyed and all of the things they can do and wiping out your retirement funds, that's long-term. you get beaten up, boo-hoo. >> people have stolen my credit cards and it has cleaned up with me the next day. >> what is your social? >> have you ever been mugged? >> one of these things has

happened on more than one occasion. >> people are not saying i am terrified this will happen. there is a better chance of this happening than this. i know you are trying to move on to the next story. until you admit you are wrong. admit you are wrong. >> all right. i have to move on. what do i do? i am a consiliatore. does wearing a hoodie mean you are up to no goodie. >> is this racist? >> yes. they put up signs telling customers "do not enter with hoodie or mask." the notice rtz brainchild of a philadelphia businessman. did you know they have them there? they tell dna info.com that we are trying to put robbers and shoplifters on notice. when you get a guy walking in the store with a hood up and a mask up, it can be a scary

thing. but some residents find it offensive with one saying i am tired people of color being viewed as criminals for wearing hoodies. if wearing a hoodie makes you a criminal i should have been locked up years ago. well, thank you for admitting it sir. we asked a hoodie wearing shopper to comment. ♪ >> you said you like jiff the best? >> you know why? >> it is the worst for you. >> it has the most sugar. choosey mothers choose jiff.

>> examine i can do my grocery shopping. >> what is better than sweet vanilla in a hoodie? >> they are saying the hoodie is a cultural thing. they say anything that blocks your head. you can't wear it because we can't see who you are. >> hoodies don't block your face. >> they block your -- yes they do. >> from the security camera. >> not from the front. >> right, but the surveillance cameras are in the ceiling. >> yeepg it is anyone's -- i don't think it is anyone's business but the business and the customers if these are a good idea. if the community doesn't like what is going on they won't shop there.

when it comes to faces, we are not aces.

it is another time for another edition of -- >> is this facist? >> a new study claims that we are all a little bit facist. researchers at carnegie mellon university, home of the mellon, say we make sweeping and inaccurate judge ments of people based on their facial features. it affects who we vote for, hire, promote and even put in prison. their research shows that politicians and businessmen with competent looking faces are more likely to win elections or get hired. having a dominant face is helpful for promotion in the military and looking untrustworthy with sunken cheeks and eyes makes you more likely to be convicted of a crime. otherwise known as andy levey. meanwhile, dogs judge people in a different way.

>> i can't believe people keep horns down there. >> where else would you keep it? >> that's where you have to keep your horns. >> katherine, they say the facial judgements we make are unfair, but are they unfair? isn't that what it means to be human? >> clearly these people who did the study have unattractive faces. they are mad about faces and also because they are scientists. >> scientists. >> definitely. sunken cheeks, yeah. i don't want to party with people with sunken in cheeks, do you? >> no, i don't. i like being around good looking pome. i should have the freedom to

be. i don't think this is the problem. andy, shouldn't you be -- if you have a business -- you were talking about the free market in the last segment. if you have a business hospital hospital -- shouldn't you be able to hire good looking people? >> of course. no one involved in the study said you shouldn't be. >> they implied it just by having the study. they said we are facist and we should distribute all jobs among ugly people. >> i don't think they implied anything. everyone is agreeing they are right. right? you are agreeing they are right. you are agreeing they are right. >> but what can we do about it? >> not a damn thing, and thank god for that i say. >> mind control. >> you call your face the old money maker, right? >> still waiting to make all that money. >> but you've gotten where you are because people look at your face and think you are great, you know? >> you are laughing. >> i think you don't like this story. >> i am guilty of this myself,

but it is not to my benefit. i will see a good looking man with nice symetry and a good jaw line and i fall in love. and then he turns out to be a serial murderer or something. i'm that person who falls in love with someone because of their looks. personality traits and character aside. that's awful. i really wish i could learn more from this, but i can't. i am conditioned this way. >> you are saying you are a shallow person? >> yes. we already know this. >> we are all shallow people. everyone is a little shallow. >> you said saw metra cal -- symetrical? that is important? >> oh yes. even babies are attracted to symetry. >> are you a good looking guy for a comedian. >> why do you have to qualify it? you said the old money maker. that's the young money maker. >> i attract old money. >> tom, your face has gotten you where you are in the business, right?

if you weren't such a handsome guy you wouldn't excel at stand up comedy. >> i can't be a victim of facism because i am they don't know which one. >> what if you are on the upper eastside of manhattan and you had a lot of work done. does that come into play with how much your face has changed? can you change your face to be less -- >> yeah. >> i think that's why they get work done. >> although i find people -- you know i mentioned this the other day. i saw a wealthy woman and she was wearing nice clothes and she had good perfume. she had a sag gee face. it looked great to me. you hardly ever see a wealthy new york woman that doesn't -- >> did you tell her that? >> no. >> it is noocially sag gee -- it is unusually saggy. >> coming up, the most interesting ping-pong video since forest gump. first, a word from our sponsor. >> tonight's sponsor is sloth.

sloth, the only animal that doubles as a deadly sin. they are cute and cuddly and their lethargy will leave them forever damned. so enjoy them now. thank you, sloths.

is it wrong to champion a pong? the table tennis champion has been fined all of his prize money for celebrating his -- after his world cup victory win on sunday.

it was a little too exuberantly. guy that was the cry -- >> that was the cry of victory. he said i am going to win. what a worthy finals match. >> it is a photo finish. >> an uncharacteristic move. >> i always take my shirt off first and then do the kicking. for that the interest national table tennis federation docked him the full $45,000 purse. the 26-year-old from china later said i am sorry for what i did and it is not acceptable behavior and i'm sorry. this was a perfect victory. i have been under a great deal of pressure with people for questioning my form. it is true. they have. possibly because he nearly lost in the first round of the tournament to an unknown rookie. i believe we have tape of the match.

>> that cat is good. you are not allowed to hold the net like that. >> tom, there is no way those boards cost $45,000. what kind of fine was that? >> they are stye styrofoam. i hate show boating in anyway. in the nfl when they do all of that stuff you are a comedian and you don't kick over the stool. >> no, some people they drop the mic. >> please, get over crores. get over yourself. he does president throw his scape pell and then -- his scalpel and rip off his surgical gown. act like you've been there. i have been questioning his form for years. >> he is a fit guy. i didn't know it takes so much out of you. >> it does.

>> katherine he didn't have to smash it. >> he didn't have to apologize. he lost $45,000, but he could have gotten it back with axe body spray endorsements because he looks so manly. >> he made ping-pong sexy again. >> look he is on television. i don't see any other ping-pong people. i don't even know what they are called because nobody knows. >> they are called ping popping people. >> he ruined it. he was going with i am a testosterone heavy ping-pong player. >> you followed the world championship very closely? >> every year. >> do you think they are in financial trouble and they are taking back the $45,000? >> the reason is we wanted to view table tennis for what it is. a sport. it is in fact a sport. and just like all of the other sports when their athletes like football they go into the

end zone and they do the celebrations and they are fined. so just like any other sport we will fine you if you do a celebration. that's what they are doing. >> why not let the authorities take over? >> let the government deal with it? >> united nations. >> i'm sure he is in trouble. he is from china. they don't like their athletes misbehaving. >> i think the big problem is he took his shirt off. the world of professional -- they are well known for homophobia. >> it is? >> yes. >> you told me on that. i bet it is. >> when your celebration looks like a tantrum you are probably not doing it right. look excited that you won. he just looked angry. >> the first time i saw it i thought he lost. >> he looked like he just lost. >> it was roid rage. >> they need to test for steroids. >> i think that is a-rod in the audience. >> did you ever watch one of

the whole matches? >> no. >> they are very -- >> we have lives, tom. >> it is a bot to help you shop. lowe's home improvement warehouse is testing robotic shopping assistants. now you can buy appliances and talk to them. the helpers can scan and identify items and lead shoppers to the right aisle. said a spokesman, peel can come in with a -- people can come in with a random screw and say mr. robot, i need more of these. and if they have it in the store, they can find it. in other productivity news, taco bell is making fast-food even faster. they unveiled a mobile hap that helps people order and pay on their smartphone and then walk in or drive in and pick up their food. that is great. i am excited about the mobile app. this is a market thing. people complain saying these apps will put people out of business. good. it makes people more

efficient. >> i am just glad there is an app that can give you explosive diarrhea. >> is that a crack against taco bell? >> a great dining establishment? >> katherine, i think all technology is a good thing. people always complain that we are putting workers out of business. other people get hired to do other things like people have to polish the robots. >> it is bad because first of all we don't need to make it easier for all of us to get fat. we are disgusting and we celebrate our independence every year with a hot dog eating contest. we are the best country! look how fast we can eat our processed meat. it is gross. these are only called mr. robot or are you so used to the patriarc key that you don't notice it. there are at least tons of 14, maybe 15 women out there who are in hardware. >> but mr. robot will get it

for them. if they go to the salon mrs. robot can do their hair. >> i am being oppressed by the race culture. >> joanne, you love this technology. you don't have a car and you like to walk around and use your smartphone to pay for things. >> there is nothing i hate more than going to the store and having a salesperson go can i help you with anything? i get on the defensive. no, i am just looking. meanwhile, i don't really know how to find what i am looking for. what is more awkward? being lead around the store -- andy, you have things too. being lead around the store by a person or being lead around the store by a robot. i feel like the robot option is a little more awkward. >> i was just in chicago. >> quit bragging. >> i went to a dumpling place and they had these kiosks

outside the store. you go in and they call your number. you don't have to deal with a human being at all. that's the wave of the future. >> so you are anti-human. >> there is a lot of sentimental tee around. the robots are going to replace them. >> remember rosie the robot on "the jetsons"? she was a maid. that was a job an illegal alien could have had and by then i mean another galaxy. if you have a taco bell app on your phone you need to look at yourself in the mirror and reassess your life. >> none of us go to taco bell? >> sometimes, but it is not premeditated. >> yeah, but you can wait two minutes for your food. >> it is fast-food. does it have to be hyper fast? >> you know what i mean. you go to a drive through and they don't understand it and they get it wrong. >> they -- you want them to fire a chimichanga out of a

sling and right to your car. >> that's the way it is coming out too. >> first, here is what is coming up tomorrow on the independents. >> good evening. it is so late. tomorrow night on the independents, i will head to time square and hand out some trick or treat candy. >> there you go. happy halloween. there you are. >> penguins can't fly. >> so fun. it is 9:00 to midnight tomorrow night on fox business network.

finally ivy league students can now take a college course on wasting time on the internet. are they kidding? that's the subject of tonight's -- >> at the university of pennsylvania scrolling around on the internet which i like to call surfing can now get you college credit. the course's professor, kenneth goldsmith, who is a world renouned poet told vice's motherboard, i am tired of reading articles in the "new york times" that makes us feel bad about spending time on the internet, about dividing our attention. there is a new morality built around guilt and shame in the

digital age. i know you want to make fun of the professor and his class his statement seems to be backed up by the fact that we are bomb -- bombarded to us about talking to each other like this one. >> looking into their eyes or the name o the screen. i took a step back and i looked around and realized that this media we call social is anything but. we open our computers and it is our doors we shut. >> it is no wonder in a world filled with imacs, ipads and iphones and so many eyes and so many selfies technology has made us more accept tiff than ever. >> i am always looking at my phone. like at the beach. you know why?

i am working at the beach. if i didn't have my phone i couldn't go to the beach. i would have to be coped up in an office -- coupey d up in an office. i was looking at my phone all day. you know what i was doing? writing this monologue. and it is brilliant. shut up about the de humanization of technology. i travel around the world and can talk to my kids face-to-face at bedtime because of these devices. they are fantastic. >> andy, another monologue that we agree on, right? what good is it staring at the beach when you can look at your phone. >> i am looking at you saying you can't go to the beach. >> i that guy in the video went to the beach. i don't go until after 4:00. >> so you admit it.

>> i don't have a problem with people wasting time on the internet. let's not pretend it is not wasting time on the internet. you are not talking about wasting time on the internet. you are talking about reading the monologue on the phone which is not wasting time. it is possible to spend time on the internet because you are learning. you can learn about chem trails and how the moon landing was faked and the code on the back of street signs that will give the u.n troops directions to the fema camps when the nwo takes over america. >> are you waiting for me to cut you off? >> wake up, tom. >> cot rine, do we want to go back to the days of looking somebody in the eye on the subway? what good was that? >> sometimes i stair at babies that cry and then they shut up. i will be a great mom one day.

>> is it better to look at your phone than look at everybody. what did we do? >> i don't know what we did back then. i am always staring at my phone. i like to look at pictures of fro-yo on my phone. stream of con shusesness and text message my friends. what about g chatting. you tell them it is sad and your friends say it is okay. you save a lot of money on therapy. i watch netflix and dateline every night. >> i watch "to catch a predator." >> "dateline" is that still on? >> it is on the internet. >> why do you go to me after "dateline"? >> are you tired of being told what to do by these beat poets ? >> i went to columbia. i i know about the writing thing. i don't know how you get college credit for surfing the internet.

i do a lot of writing. the doctor calls it carpal tunnel syndrome. i injure my hand because i do so much writing. i think the jury is out by telling us we are wasting time. >> one man's wasting is another man's -- >> lewis and clark. >> you are agreeing with the professor. >> robert you tired by these ivy league -- >> by the guys in the video. it is okay to study the internet and it is legitimate. >> i love classes like these. i would take it. it is about theory and philosophy. you know the first two weeks will be about what does the word waste mean? is it even possible to waste time? we are going to find out. no, there is no such thing as wasting time. any conscious time spent doing anything is good. including the class. >> so zen. >> coming up, nice guy on our last show. they finish last.

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thank you. ordering chinese food is a very predictable experience. i order b14. i get b14. no surprises. buying business internet, on the other hand, can be a roller coaster white knuckle thrill ride. you're promised one speed. but do you consistently get it? you do with comcast business. and often even more. it's reliable. just like kung pao fish. thank you, ping. reliably fast internet starts at $89.95 a month. comcast business. built for business. "outnumbered" later today at noon eastern. a new "red eye" returns tomorrow with greg hosting. >> e block.

last story. that's the last story. >> the nice guy deserves a try. according to "glamour magazine" bad boys are so last season. 10 reasons to give a nice guy a chance, the former bad boyen enthusiast jillian kramer listed the traits nice guys have. a nice guy will turn you on from his mind from facts he whips out on the random to his ability to debate mac veal yen theory. you should see me when i whip my thoughts out. nice guys go out of their way to make you happy. that includes in the oral department if you know what i mean. i think i know what you mean. the oral department because you just said it. he will go out of his way to help you, even if that means missing the game to help you prep for an interview. maybe you didn't have to go on so many job interviews if you

keep passing on these articles. when he says he digs how you look in that dress he is not plotting how he can get you to take it off. i think this does president -- i think this guy wants to try it on. mr. new york recently asked if i heard about the fight at our local bakery. when i said no he said two rolls gt fresh. have i made my point? yes. she a cross dressing crack dresser. was she at all about mr. right? >> is mr. new york your husband? >> we are divorced. >> i shouldn't have brought it up. >> to be clear mr. new york was a monicre for her fictitious boyfriend. >> mr. big was taken. i get why she is doing this because people love to read lists.

what i love more than this list is a list that are@@ following everyone. 10 ways to are a girl to be nice to the nice guy. and then a man will write it and she counters it. it will be great. >> that's what i was hoping you would do is repute it with a list of your own. >> nice guys are a dying breed or a myth. it is a scam. it is a jedi mind trick to get women in the rack, in the sheets. chicks like the bad guy thing, right? >> i don't think we are calling them chicks anymore. >> dames. >> katherine -- >> beautiful women. >> you are an expert, bad boys or nice guy. >> it could make some girls very happy like those who stitch marilyn monroe quotes in a pillow or talk about which friends character they are.

i only like guys who look sort of home ease l. homeless. sort of homeless. >> he is in a coma if he gave up watching the game. >> andy levy, joanne and tom kadder. that's it for me, goodbye. thin.

feel that kick on the way out? yeah. hello, it's 5:00 in new york city and this is "the five." >> the senate is up for grabs, so let's set the state as it stands today. there are 45 republican votes, that mean and -- that means it we are assuming that with democrat bob beckle's -- ten contested states, highlighted he