wednesday after developing serious health problems. 43 yea. dominic was a great friend, av" pate i don't knowing and -- pat and we will miss him. i am megyn kelly. this is "the kelly files." this is a fox news alert. i am leah gabrielle in new york. a security advisor briefed president obama on an apparent hostage situation unfolding in sydney, australia. that from the white house official. the xicommissioner spoke he sai he is doing all they can to reach a peaceful resolution and situation is obtained. let's take a listen. >> look, i am not in a position to confirm any of that. my briefing to you is high level just to ensure they have the understanding of the situation. it would be better belt with by the operational commander.

can. >> my advice is we haven't had contactqdrk with the armed as s. >> there goes there is at least one. >> it is heavy. it would be difficult to fully number them because they are involved in everything from securing streets to responding to and checking over this year we have tactical officers neglect kuwait tors. of course lots of general duties traffic please. we were here in big numbers. there were hundreds of officers involved in that very small tight location right now. >> if need be we will take it to many more. >> i missed thev(e[ç first one.

>> you night need to go back to the police commissioner. i am not sure where that is coming from. >> we are looking at a range of calls we have taken and a number had of people that have advised us. everything we have done to this extent to date has involved to be negative. >> at this stage we have not gotten into direct contact with the offender. >> (inaudible question) >> my understanding is it is an undisclosed number and at this stage they would be berter put to the operational commanders. certainly we are working as hard

number. >> tsz a flag we have had people looking at. we are trying to work out exactly what it stands for but at this stage it is probably best not to take that any further. >> (inaudible question) >> similar question was from this side of the room. at this stage there is no connection. >> (inaudible question) z3ptñ >> we have looked at this in the past. we have exercised around this. we continue to focus on this. like we do with every other scenario. we have to be prepared. certainly this is one that has

been part of a range of scenario. >> we are incredibly proud we will continue every day. yes we are being tested today. i am thankful for the police and their activities and what they have done. >> (inaudible question) >> of course it is. this is an event that affected it is something we must deal with. we are dealing with.

the important thing is we have a we are dealing with this and its best if we get back to 0opçthat. >> at this stage those that would be moving outside of that location would be on advice. i am told it would be limited footprint. >> i have been in discussions an minister. i have talked to my counterpart with the federal police we not had to pull down any resources because of the nature of the event. we have not yet confirmed the terrorism related event. we are dealing with a hostage situation with an armed defender

and we are dealing with a recording. we are ready to escalate should we need to. >> we have just heard from the police commissioner and another official in sydney, australia talking about an apparent hostage situation that is happening as we speak. cops swarmed around a cafe in sidney. they have not confirmed the number of hostages, but there are nearly 10 employees 30 customers held inside. videos show people with their hands up in the air. the u.s. evacuated the consulate in the city as añp#] precaution issued warnings to americans there. official the are urging u.s. citizens to maintain a high level of vigilance and take steps to keep:lce÷ them safe. >> he is urging australians to go about their business.

also receiving reports they are not allowing groups to leave the school grounds. they are following the story closely and will bring you updates. for all of the headlines log on to foxnews.com. the abe told police the kids were not sup viedzed but the mom was watching. >> if you looked you would have seen me, i was visible. >> he brought hid 7-year-old to a car show he didn't want to stay. >> i was bored i was hot i wanted to walk home. >> we walked to the shopping mall before. there are police station on the corner the whole way. i said all right walk home. >> i keep reading about these abductions. >> it is possible to be hit by lightning or struck by a meteor, too. >> i wasn't very far and the cops asked me where are my parents? >> the child lived a mile and a half from this location. it's a great distance for a

young 7-year-old to travel by himself without water or any nourishment around with him. we were able to charge mr. arthur with reckless conduct. >> we all want kids protected from abuse but don't parents get to decide if their own kids are mature enough to walk home on their own. >> to think that a child let alone parents sometimes make really good judgments whenñea"h are in a situation that they cannot predict? they shouldn't be surprising themselves. >> you can get money from parents by making them very nervous.

>> this company built tracking devices. >> the device is locked on to your child. >> making it hard for the kids or strangers to get the band off. >> you can don't a tooth print make an impression your child bites into it then you have a ten- tal impression of your child. yo, t find the body and it is mangled beyond recognition. >> if you are worried about risk don't put your kid in a car. >> driving is more dangerous, sow is swimming tools. >> it is greater if you do not raise your children to be independent learn how to make decisions on their own. >> the free range kids climb trees. >> a lot of parents think i am crazy. she might break her arm. >> she might. but on their own kids learn to -- >> running the risk makes you

stronger and valuable i feel. >> if the parent is saying that branch can't support your foot, it's not as val yémh°ieve or the parent feeling t-- child fe saying oh will that support my weight? >> they know not to do that coming down. >> if you are a free range student you care just as much about your children. >> amy writes the mommy files. >> parents fear when they give children freedom that they are not going to make them good choices. they actually make better choices. >> what about the risk? >> the risk is so low. >> i used to be kind of afraid. there is not much to be scared of. >> they are even basic responsibility. this mom will not le 10-year-old hold a knife. >> i cut up his meat for him

still. >> i don't need it cut. >> you are going to choke on it. >> he finally used the knife because aghast the tv show of lan newergñ let him. >> what is he doing? >> there's an assumption any time a child is up unsuperviseded they are in danger. >> he knows how to use the burners and the oven. he can make pancakes better than i can. i let her completely run lose in the kitchen. >> they envy her experience. >> they say that is so fun. >> and the free range kids say they are more comforting. >> i like the free range kids. >> i like being free range adults. >> coming up the most important thing your kids need to succeed.

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. there's a lot of pressure on kids. study, achieve, >> there's a lot of pressure on kids. now there's a counter move. every kid is a winner. some people call that? >> the wouldn't say f

woosification of america. >> what is woosy about kindness? >> critics call wussification is just fine. >> it is the qualifications of a wuss jesus was the biggest wuss of our kind. it is in itself derogatory it is slightly homophobic. >> youth soccer league may require ygqñuuáy >> if anything ever happens to my kid on the soccer field i could not live with myself. >> you call it wussification. i am going to call it a spiritual awakening. >> a move to protect our kids from it dangers like what this motorcycle does. he saktakes his hand off the handles of a harley6or his 6-year-old steer. the boy isn't wearing protective clothing. >> hold them under the arms up

like this and slam. >> ore people object to what this father does. >> you think you can take your own man? >> kav have been mcginnis posted a video entitled how to fight a baby. must have struck a cord. >> yes. when they see someone brazenly whipping their kid around they say that's what i do. they are showing time and time again children benefit from rough housing. you are bonding with your child and i can72é from this. when you tell them stand back and don't touch you create an experts were tip to call gavin a strong parent. >> gavin put his hands around

his neck. >> just because they arguably lead to something serious doesn't mean we have to avoid it. in fact living that kind of life where you say children avoid this and that you are teaching a child to be scared of the universe. >> in canada a kid broke his leg climbing a tree. >> people demanded the tree be cut down. >> what is wrong with that. there is a big sign. >> my heart as wells with pride wi if my son has a cast on. >> but they are little kids you want to protect them. >> when they are little people you have to teach them the real world. >> now in america we protect older kids from dispinting by giving other -- >> when i was a kid trophies had meaning. you only got one of these things if you were good at something.

in my kid's soccer leagues everybody got a trophy. they seemed happy. > i am told good to praise kids. >> the research is the opposite. when kids are told they are wonderful the next time they try something they will screw up. >> 40 years ago child raising was self esteem. california started a self esteem task force. you are mocked by a cartoonist. sha make sure everybody feels good about themselves. the self esteem moment was influential. they say avoid competition. competition is bad. it boosting self-esteem does not improve academic performance.

>> they can get this over inflated praise and become more reticent to try things in the future. >> she said there's why trophies for all is a bad idea. >> i heard others so upset they dump them into the trash kaven and set them on fire. >> because they knew >> he was insulted. >> what about the self-esteem for the kid who isn't as good. >> that hurts, yeah. >> you are not as good. you are not as handsome as brad pitt, you are not as intelligence the guy that can do pie. the best thing you can do is accept that and move on. >> my kid worked really hard they went to practice every week. they didn't no you drove them.

>> makers of tro effies want more kids to get trophies. >> i used to joke there was a trophy is -- they have lobbyists for people wars of those in the system. >> we need to encourage kids -- >> if you get a trophy for anybody there's no meaning. >> she holds on to the trophy çp)÷yñ> what does this mean? >> i showed up i finished something i accomplished something. >> they can't believer the way the grand kids are being protected. >> it is okay.

it is new here. >> there is no outs? is how do you know who is winning? >> in it league we don't keep score. every game ends in a tie the>> turns out the kids keep score secretly anyway? >> by 4, 5 they know who is the best leadreader and athlete and drawing. they know and it is confusing to them when we pretend there aren't. >> dad, we don't worry about lines. beautiful. that is absolutely beautiful. very avant-garde. >> i don't see why kids must color within the lines but what is calling them peck cass so do to kids? >> i peaked. i can't top the best picture

ever. >> they are ranked number one in self-esteem for men. they ranked 27th in performance. >> american kids think they are doing so well when they are doing badly. >> how about you acknowledge what they did do well? what about the one who gave it a good shot and wasn't good. >> we are talking about kids, you know. >> there's nothing better for a kid than to learn how to m#itlo. that's what childhood is about making mistakes learning to lose, learning to fail. neutral parents. >> he asked us am i a boy or a girl. do you feel more like a boy an that girl? >> okay girls one more time.

we have one here, here and here. you know, if you play football for a long time like i did, you're gonna learn to deal with alot of pain.

but it is nothing like the pain that shingles causes. man when i got shingles it was something awful. it was like being blindsided by some linebacker. you don't see it coming. boom! it was this painful rash of little blisters. red, ugly stuff. lots of 'em. not a good deal. if you've had chicken pox, uh-huh, we all remember chicken pox. well that shingles virus is already inside of you. it ain't pretty when it comes out. now i'm not telling you this so that you'll feel sorry for me. i'm just here to tell you that one out of three people are gonna end up getting shingles. i was one of 'em. take it from a guy who's had his fair share of pain. you don't want to be tackled by shingles. so please go talk to your doctor or pharmacist. talk to your doctor or pharmacist about your risk. many americans who have prescriptions fail to stay on them.

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sydney, australia continuing to unfold at this hour. getting an update for the homeland security. an unknown number of people are being held hostage at a chocolate shop. there are 20 boy pleas 30 customers held inside. there are no reports of injuries at this point. 7o in rr@e force. they are treating it as an armed incident and looking for a peaceful solution. there is one armed suspect inside the shop. so some of the hostages have been lined up. it shows two people holding up what appears to be a black flag with white arabic writing on it. they are looking at what is on that flag but they are not classifying the terrorist incident at this point.

he is urging australians to go out about their business. they issued an emergency warning to americans who were there. they knew the agency report officials are urging them to and taking extra steps to keep them safe. it is the afternoon in sidney. we are following the story closely and will be bricking you updates as we get them. now back to your regularly scheduled programming. >> there's gender neutral, transgender. more? >> gender fluid, genter creative, gender educated. >> education professor teaches teachersú4ç don't treat kids li

boys or girls. >> he asked am i a boy or a girl. i ask him do you feel more like a boy or more like a girl. he says i feel like a boy. we said okay you will feel like a boy. >> this playground is for everybody boys can play, girls can play, transgender kids. >> it sounds like garbage you indoctrinated him with. >> the great mistakes they are making is the notion that in order to ensure equal opportunity we have to put our heads in the sand and pretend f/ doesn't matter. >> she asked her son do you feel lower like a boy or a girl? >> the unintended message that the boys and girls are getting is hey the grownup is on another

planet. they have no idea what matters to us. >> is it confusing for the kids? >> they are not. >> assuming they don't get manipulated by the sexist society. >> media messages, movies. what our parents taught us. we internal lies the norms and we think that is now it should be. it is not something biological. >> most boys do like the active violent sports. >> there are average tendencies. doesn't matter most. >> aren't most boys different than most girls? >> i would disagree. >> i once believed that but then i had kids. my wife didn't allow my son to have toy guns. >> he likes to b=h÷o everything

into a shooting mechanism. >> don't discourage this set. >> if the son is behind the couch he reprimands. says mom i love you but i wish you were going to the final game. there was a generation of boys who want to engage in scram booking. the boys are getting their ideas in masculinity from that. >> which is probably not a good thing given what's on the internet. to reduce the influence of sexist culture sweden pushes toy ads that are gender neutral. kids play with guns. >> if you want to vacuum or iron? >> if that is what speaks to them. she is making all single rest rooms gender neutral. >> the latest is to get rid of

the boy and girl label. >> what happens when you ask boys and girls to draw whatever they want? is girls draw people and the flowers and the trees. this is done in america, africa highland, japan. >> they are doing something profoundly different. they are drawing at-batting because the industrying els.  maybe they are acting! differently. >> that's what i÷6ññ learned wiy ph.d. in psych following 30 years ago. you made the same choice. we have three different studies. the males want to play with the truck. in? because it has legals.

saw boom. these differences are clearly hard wired not spoegsly constructive gaubecause they ar found in four. >> gender differences are exaggerated. ññ of this is propaganda. >> all social if not biological innate. >> it makes mine because i think it's mostly wrong. next a woman who says more moms to be as tough as my mom was. >> that could say things like he is the worst person ever born. but i did. i'm mike, and i'm very much alive. now my doctor recommends a

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a parenting book >> extreme parenting. >> they were upset about the woman who called herself tiger mom. >> surprising details of her strict mare wenting method th that -- parenting that causes controversy. >> not allowed to be in a school play, complain about not being in a play watch tv or play computer games. this seems mean. >> i don't think so at all. the message is i believe in you, you are capable of so much more than you realize. if you stop whining and don't give up and don't make excuses you can do anything you want in your life. >> she forced them to practice piano and violins. 4, 5 h

day. >> many americans think that is incapable. >> her girls excelled here they are performing5 /ñ at a grownup concert. one daughter alsoç excelled in tennis. at school the other made valedictorian. the tiger mom's book got lots of criticism. doesn't let kids make their own decisions. >> a manual for parents who want tofz% weed out any genuine insamples. you get the child before you can invest the theory of relative sit vat. s to not the secret to happiness. enjoy whatever you want. >> you called your daughter garbage once. >> i mentioned it at a dinner

party. several people walked out. so. you are destroying your child's spirits. >> to me the message is i think you are better than that. you should hold yourself to a higher standard. parents are so terrified of making their children feel bad. >> everybody knows asians are more likely to commit suicide except what everyone knows is wrong. >> asian americans have the lowest suicide rate of any group. >> it is true. the asian suicide rate is half that of the general population. maybe tiger moms are -- >> you can tell your child you wat that doesn't instill true self-esteem. it has to be earned. asian americans get better grades than average higher

income. now in her new book the triple and her husband any parent can do it cubans nigeria or pores. >> tiger mom is back with a despicable new surgery bo>> teams to be racial dpi there reallied. look, if you look at america most successful boots end up in mine. (inaudi) they made up the black students. something about culture and how they are raised and expectations. >> you know the secret of success three things.

>> first is a per dash of insecurity. i am not quite good enough yet. i shouldn't sit back. >> it's contradictory. >> steve jobs had a superior complex but all his friends also described him as deeply insecure. i think that's what creates this chip on the shoulder, this goading feeling like i need to show everybody and prove myself. the third element is impulse control. >> can your child sit still and concentrate on things that won't bring rewards for years? >> chinese immigrant parents force their preschool children to do one hour a day on a focused activity, reading, drawing, something with no distractions. one hour a day compared to six minutes a day for americans on

average. >> but does this obedient sitting and drilling kill the creativity that leads to innovation, the american tech entrepreneurs, many are college dropouts, not studious kids raised by tiger moms. >> i look at the innovation in america, facebook and google. these are not kids drilled or raised by tiger moms. you are programming the kids. >> you know, actually if you look at silicon valley, a hugely disproportionate percentage of the innovators and startup founders are immigrants and immigrant children. >> the co-founder of google, youtube and yahoo. >> it's the parents' job to give them the tools and the ability to focus on something so when they can find their passion they can do something with it. >> you had nasty fights with the girls. >> incredibly nasty especially

with my younger daughter. she refused to do it and was stomping off and i said get back to the piano and i said maybe she just can't do it. and i said you just don't believe in her. i'm going to do this. we drilled and we drilled and it wasn't that pleasant. but then suddenly after an hour and a half her two hands came together. she realized it at the same time i did and after that, he refused to leave the piano. and years afterwards she told me i remember that moment. and i think that's a life lesson that lasts forever. i think that's how you instill real confidence. >> your daughters like you? >> i think they love me. ever since darryl's wife started using gain flings, their laundry smells more amazing than ever. (sniff) honey, isn't that the dog's towel? (dog noise) hey, mi towel, su towel.

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what's the >> what's the biggest predict tore of success in life? brains, good looks? none of those. the biggest predictor is can you delay gratification. >> here's the deal. marshmallow for you. you can either wait and i will give you another one if you wait or you can eat it now. >> it smells yummy>> it smells

really good. >> this is an experiment tried in many forms in many kids. the idea is the same test whether the child can eat the candy now or get twice as much and he gets twice as much. only about a third were able to delay often distracting themselves by looking away. about a third were able to wait 15 minutes. >> how did you do? >> earn the extra candy. >> the first group of kids took this test 40 years ago were followed and tested years later. the kids who didn't eat the marshmallow had a higher act by 13 percent. >> they de clayed gratification at this age and did much better

later in life. not just better in school but theyrwlr more money. they are happier. they have better relationship and less likely to get into trouble. >> the kids who ate the marshmallows many were in trouble. >> he replicated the marshmallow experiment in south america. the kids behaved the same way. north american kids, did, too. >> take a look at this girl. she is hyperventilating. they are playing mind games i>v order not to eat the marshmallow. >> most could not wait. >> this doesn't mean they will fail in life but researchers say it means he's more likely to struggle. since the data showed the ability to delay gratification is really porn. >> we teach them skills that would take them to where the to

work hard and persevere. >> we all had marshmallows we want now. some of us have learned to wait. >> susan merrill runs the parenting advice web site i mom. >> when the kids want something you till them save up for it. >> they each had three sets of jars you want to buy something save your money. it is yours. >> seeing the money in the jars reminded them to wait. >> it is really good for them to see that mungro. they get into it. how much did you save? i saved athis much. >> doesn't need to be money. >> privileges. >> when her kids wanted a while doing something that was hard for them. >> megan was potty training she wanted the mermaid doll. put it up on the shelf three-days dry she did it she had success. >> she could look at it. >> but couldn't have it?

>> if the child demands and throws a fit? >> it is important to not give in. this commercial has a clever take on a boy who wants a bag of chips right now. >> now! >> instead of giving in mom imitates him. >> he is embarrassed he puts the chips back. >> what's the moral? >> you really, really can work with your kids. i think sometime the parents are just too busy to be consistent. they are fearful their child is not going to like them. >> this is how they see you. you have faith, money or a rainy day. they have to see you doy, whater you want them to do. >> finally kids will only learn

to wait if they see delaying gratification is something good. >> parents need to follow through do what they say. >> if parents don't keep the prom mission they wait for the award. >> researchers first promised kids. >> is it too late for me to get one from the other room you can use a big set. then they break their promise. i am so sorry i don't have the regard what you were talking about. >> he's trusting the adult method. if you delay gratification you will get something better. >> if a parent is not consistent this child will not trust that they will get what is promised. we do this as moms all of the time. we say in a minute.

in a minute. >> bottom line tell kids the truth teach them the benefits of waiting when they are young. >> reward them when they do wait. >> three of them? >> flee of them. >> coming up, if you are touch on your kids will they hate you? . dayquill cold and flu doesn't treat your runny nose. seriously? alka-seltzer plus cold and cough fights your worst cold symptoms plus your runny nose. oh, what a relief it is. but the comfort it provides is it's justimmeasurable.ece the america red cross brings hope and help to people in need every 8 minutes, every day. so this season give something that means something.

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>> i will tiger mom my kids. >> her younger kids;#çz was les thus i can't say tick. -- less enthusiastic. >> it had its ups and downs. i am a 12-year-old kid why do i have to do this? happi happier. >> she just began her freshman year at, where else? harvard. her older sister goes here, too. >> i love my mom. she is awesome. >> she is awesome. she went in the military. she already meets the army's basic standards but she wants to get the top scores so they works out often. >> as a girl it is important not just to meet the standards. >> kids raised by:e regular parents she says don't have the drive. >> going to college think how many amazing brilliant people would encounter an obstacle and be like i can't do this. i can't do this is genuinely a feeling i have never had. i have what it takes to do

absolutely anything. >> most of us hope our kids have that feeling. some of it just exists in human nature as these commercials suggest. maybe lots of tests even if they fall they try and try again. many parents want to protect them from falling, but protection has a down side. >> when you create an vulnerable. >> being able to fall and recover is useful. >> i work with young people today and when they hit conflict they have a meltdown. >> because they have been protected? >> yes. if you fire someone who is 22 today, it is notd unusual for hr or him to crash the place and then have your parents call. they have been pampered they are whole life and the sad reality of the world is you get slapped

into the face all of the time. >> you have to get tough. not too tough but enough freedom to let them learn on their own helps them grow up. that's our show. thanks for watching. >> this is a fox news alert. i am leah gabrielle. an advisor briefed the president on an apparent hostage situation in australia. the police commissioner from south wales said they are doing all they can to find a peaceful resolution. australia media reports there are ten xhoi es. it shows two people holding up what appears to be a black flag with white arabic writing on it. australian's