scott, thank you as always. thank you for being with us. see you tomorrow night right here at 7:00 p.m. eastern. good night from washington d.c. go to gretawire.com. called the haunted bed pan. tonight on "red eye." >> coming up on "red eye," what will the" red eye" staff wear this weekend? they call it the most interesting wardrobe since narnia. and are giant dolls this year's christmas gift? we ask the consumer experts to stop screaming their calls. and did the vice president reveal a secret plot to infect the baldwin brothers with a neuro toxic? >> i spent time with all four of you and i'm counting on you being contagious. >> none of these stories on "red eye" tonight. >> and now let's welcome our guests. she is more buzzed than a military haircut. i am here with the always drunk joanne nosuchunsky. she can barely hold her hand up.

and he is less animated than lint. he had a person's name in there that was -- tv's andy levey. his humor is darker than joanne's liver. i feel like i used that one. and sam morrell the comedian and perhaps a coward. and if you are alive it is because he hasn't gotten around to killing you yet. sitting next to me, mike baker, current president of diligence, diligence makers of diligence tapestry's and thumbtacks. for all of your numb tack and monacle need. they will skin you alive with a tooth pick. >> that's not easy. >> a block. the lede. that's the first story. >> their jihad was flawed. on wednesday three men were arrested for plotting to join isis not a boy band, in syria and wage war against the u.s. one wanna be jihady was busted at jfk airport and another in

brooklyn and a third in florida. his name otherwise known as [bleep] head. he was unable to make it to sear sear -- syria. that's him by the way. that's a sketch. >> it was based on the statements that if they were not able to go that they would seek to acquire weapons here handguns machine guns and seek to attack very specifically police officers. >> he first got noticed by law enforcement last summer after he posted on an isis website, quote, greetings. we want to plenl our allegiance and commit ourselves while not present there. is it possible to commit ourselves as dedicated martyrs?

ask for child porn while you are at it. in threats closer to home. >> i guess that is threatening. all right, baker. earlier today i was chatting with another talking head who said basically we should not be worried by people like these. this is not isis. this is a handful, a somewhatterringing if you -- a smattering of incompetent losers. first of all i thought you were the only talking head you spoke with. in a sense it is true. these guys are obviously -- we are not talking about lex luther caliber terrorists. there is no doubt about that. but it doesn't take lux luthor

to cause that kind of damage. in the world of terrorism you have to worry about the [bleep] bags and the committed individuals who are berry sourced and smarter. what saved us with this crew was they were on social media, and that is good. that shows us that what we are doing works. we were able to identify them. they decided they are going to fly to istanbul. any committed extremist -- i don't know why i am saying this, any committed extrim mist would know that the authorities are watching istanbul. my old outfit is going crazy. what the hell is he doing? >> you are worse than snowden. this is unbelievable. this is unbelievable. >> it actually is. no, that's been in the paper. i am just trying to point out you have a range of these people. the fact -- and the authorities are already saying in europe where these foreign fighters are traveling and they go through other places

and they are trying to get to syria. they are trying to stay one step ahead. they are not the smartest, but it doesn't take the smartest. we have to worry about all of them the idiots and the smart ones. >> i say that all the time about my guests. >> they wanted tay plant a bomb on co knee co knee -- coney island which is home to the cyclone rollercoaster. why do they hate fun things? they were going after mall of america which is where i might add you were supposed to perform and you canceled. >> some of us are cowards. my agent called me and said the club manager said it is fine. so is there jihadist intel i don't know about? >> if you called diligence we would have provided you with a fire theme. and this week we are doing it at a 10% discount. >> i would have my own bomb

squad to worry about. >> one of these guys says he wanted to travel to syria to wage jihad but his mother took his passport. some of these muslim extremists have moms. >> mom where is my passport? i put it somewhere you can't find it. in my house it was a shelf i couldn't reach, but i always knew. that's what chairs are for. i climbed up on a chair. >> you expect them to love the artesianal cheese. >> one of the jihadys worked in a mall in florida. already more successful than you are. >> hold on. some of the malls are outside. they are like strip malls. that's not like the mall of america. we can agree to disagree. i have always said no to hanging out in brooklyn.

i am really happy i have. knowing me i would have met one of them and fallen madly in love. >> true. but you would have prevented him from becoming a jihadist. i don't know. it is hard for me to say no to things. i am easily influenced. >> but they are jihadists. they are not gay. >> or are they? maybe they are not very smart but the thing is they are very dedicated. >> and that overwhelms their intelligence. >> people may be saying they are not smart or they couldn't really do any harm, but they would have found a way if they weren't stopped. >> i think that is important to note. the islamic state or al-qaeda, they don't care whether they attract a psychotic, a [bleep] bag or an idiot or somebody committed to the cause.

i worked in the [bleep] bag division for years. but they don't care. it does president matter. it doesn't matter. we try to say look, these people are clearly not serious. it doesn't matter. as long as these people commit a violent act then from their perspective they have won. >> so andy, mikey is making valid points. >> he is making points. where do you stand on this? do you think it is a grave threat or was it something snowden would dismiss and leak available information that puts all of our lives in danger? >> the latter. i think to be safe we should arrest everyone in brooklyn with a beard. let's get that out of the way. i do think these guys do seem like bafoons. i feel their plans have more potholes than "the dark knight ike the messages they left it was

like, we can't get over there to do jihad but is there anything to do here? that's sort of like when somebody has something bad happen to them and if there is anything i can do to help knowing there is nothing i can do to help, but you make the effort anyway. the fact they are bafoons doesn't mean they couldn't hurt or kill people. you have to arrest them. >> those two guys in boston were not successful but they killed a handful of innocent people and maimed 70 or 70 some odd people. >> most of these guys are not at a bin laden level of planning and executing attacks, but it doesn't mean you sit there and say we don't need to worry about it. >> because global warming is a real threat we need to be concerned about. >> thank you for bringing that up. for the next 20 minutes we can talk about global warming. that was all interesting. let's move on. are they crazy for using swazey. they rue -- they are using the

movie why the road -- "road house" to train police officers. a scene from the film was shown at a mandatory retraining course shown to 22,000 officers. in the clip swayzee's character tells the staff three rules of dealing with customers. >> one, never underestimate your opponent. expect the unexpected. two, take it outside. never start anything in the bar unless it is absolutely necessary. and three, be nice. >> and he explains that even when people call you nasty names , you have to be nice. >> if somebody gets in your face and calls you a [bleep] i want you to be nice. ask him to walk but be nice. if he won't walk walk him but be nice. if you can't walk him one of

the others will help you and you will both be nice. i want you to remember that it is a job. it is nothing personal. >> i want to uh poll -- apologize anybody at home who was hearing the word walk five or six times. it can cause a lot of confusion especially at 3:00 in the morning. you go walk a dog and unless of course you are kevin specey. the reaction was positive with one saying it is ridiculous the stuff we are showing them. the nypd showed another movie to teach officers how to deal with known criminals. >> let's get that turkey. >> what a waste. there was nothing in the blow

up doll that was worth killing. good idea? classic movie being used to convey a message? >> it sounds like a good day at the nypd. also you cut out the scene where the guy has a sleeveless flannel on. >> i find it quite sexy. >> i like the sleeveless flannel. >> i made a conscious choice to keep the sleeves on. >> you cut out the end where if somebody calls uh [bleep] be nice. if they are selling loose cigarettes, kill them. >> mikey i feel bad for the police department in a sense that these are things that -- these are like things you have to do to play indicate activists -- placate activists and you appear to care. it actually has no productive value, does it? >> it is a sophmoric attempt

to de escalate a potentially difficult situation. the police do work on that and there is a lot of ways you can convey the information and train them and put them through role playing scenarios, but showing "road house" was that the mayor's idea? >> the mayor wanted to play "dirty dancing qpts. >> that was a good movie. >> little known fact, i love that movie. >> joanne, you wanted them to play "ghost." it helps to learn how to make a pot. >> and, two, in "ghost" he can't actually touch people. the cops need to be less hands on. if they show "dirty dancing" they can teach the cop how to lift perps off the ground correctly. >> it is all about the balance so there is a lot to that. >> there is. i would do anything patrick swayzee tells me.

this would be a great training method for me but i don't think for most people. and for the public who is already questioning everything the department is doing, it just makes the mom reof the whole thing. >> a mom re, andy. a mockery. >> what does your friend snowden say? >> i think what they should have done is shown them clips from the great movie "citizen ford." >> i knew you were going to say this. >> anything has to be better than sitting through a boring retraining course. anyone who has worked anywhere knows you go through these stupid things. they should have shown the whole movie in the morning and broke for lunch and then shown "point break" in the afternoon. that is a good day. then what you do is tell the cops, all right if anyone asks , we taught you some very available things here and you readjusted your thinking and

everything is better jie. you have a really good traffic school guy who says just sign this form. i am going to smoke this pack of cigarettes. >> i get swayzee mixed up with kurt russell. >> one is dead. >> but who can keep it straight. i love slickson. >> that's one of the reindeer. >> i love "snake" they should have shown that movie. >> thank god the next story is ready. not pretty watching watching flounder like that. >> if it is too bright it is not right. her head is making them red this an attempt to be more sensitive, apple released a new set of globally diverse emojis. but their choice of yellow as one of the new skin tones is

being called offensive to asians. many users especially those in china took to twitter to voice their out rain. apple claims the emoji represents jaundice americans. i kid. originally the iphone emojis were whitewashed with two asians and zero blacks. to add the six new tones, apple had to get approval from the powerful secret group that sets the standards for all emojis or what we call the illuminadi. let's go to our youth correspondent. ♪ >> well that is interesting. do you believe these are racist? >> yes. there are only three shades of blackie mow gees. blacky mow joes. how are hatians supposed to be there? they should take them and

animate them -- i think they are hilarious. i don't know. >> keep the camera there. no one say anything. >> let's cut to a sad -- wawa. playing a numbers games and the asians are probably making the emojis? >> i think this came from the top of apple. i don't think this was low-level management. i think this came from the top. >> it was a message. >> my problem is though if you don't use any color then that would be seen as exclusionary. apple was trying to be inclusive, correct? >> i don't even know what a [bleep] emoji is. >> no need for swearing. >> i didn't even know i was talking out loud. my point is i don't know what a [bleep] emoji is. >> you made that point.

you were very clear. you were clear in saying you don't know what the [bleep] emoji is. >> joanne what should april pell do? >> keep making money. people will be upset either way. damned if you do and damned if you don't. >> wow, you are good. >> my issue is they have santa clauses that are every color, but none are women. all of them have a beard. we all know that no man could you know, create a list that is that orderly and get everything done in one night. santa and you have a lot in common. you get it done in one night and have beards. no wait you are the beard. >> it works either way. >> andy? >> yeah. >> first of all they should have stuck with the one color,

like the bright yellow happy face and then nobody gets offended. >> wear the hair colors and the eye color. i have to use emojis with lane ordinary, brown eyes. where are the big, beautiful, blue eyes ie to represent the master race. >> where is the ginger emoji? >> where is the trans gendery mow gee. >> come to my place. i have them in different colors. >> can we go to a commercial? coming up, flip-flops, harmless sand dahls are for the -- sandls for the feet. and looks like me and his dad have something in common.

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he is ugly and he knows it. this week my beach volleyball partner, mark anthony revealed growing up his dad was candid about his lack of cuteness. >> you know, my dad told me early on he said, son we are both ugly. >> he did not. >> i swear to -- he says it to this day. he said you work on your personality. it builds character. >> and so with his father's advice mark anthony went on to become an award-winning

singer actor producer and jennifer lopez's ex. you know what else he doesn't like to see in the mirror? >> a metaphor for all of us egotists. mike, are you a dad, so you claim. >> yes. >> didn't anthony's dad help him with his honesty because he got him to try harder than coast on his good looks. you don't do anything because you are so good looking. you do absolutely nothing for us or for anybody. you stand there -- charming mike. you know what, it is not easy going through life being average. >> average in the baker family. >> we have learned to make it happen. i get what mark anthony is saying and i find myself with my own kids saying look,

[bleep] -- stuff. sorry. stuff won't be handed to you. you have to work for it. just because you are a white emoji doesn't mean you will get stuff. >> you throw in the blacks and the jews and it takes it too far. >> they learned it from you. >> you were over for the barbecue. my theory is if you think you are good looking you won't work as hard. he made his son a star. this to me would have been the lead. >> h% is one of those guys that is so unattractive that he is kind of attractive. >> i think he is gorgeous. >> what are you complaining about? you pulled j-lo in her prime. you are doing great. he looks like a latino steve buccemi.

>> but better teeth. i like the fact he never fixed his teeth. andy because you lack one how important is personality? >> the good thing i am so damn handsome because personality, whoa. he is not ugly. >> he is not. he's a seven. he is a famous seven. >> i can't believe you are grading another dude. >> can't handle it? >> i think we should be rating j-lo in her prime. >> i think that is sexist. >> it is a good lesson to teach your kids that they shouldn't rely on your looks. i don't think you have to tell him you are ugly. >> it was lovable. joanne, what did your your -- i'm sure your parents said here comes pretty face.

ew. stinky, stinky pretty face. that's what i would call you. >> yeah, but all i'm hearing is pretty oh, pretty. i do think parents should be honest with their kids. maybe not just looks but talent. the number of acting classes i had to go to with kids who are not cut out for it. >> like that matthew mcconaghey guy and clive owen and jodie foster. all of those people are no where and look at you. >> just hearing pretty. >> we tell kids they can do whatever they want but don't tell them the odds. >> you tell them to follow your dreams. >> follow your dreams as long as it is plumbing. >> we lean on the odds. you can be anything you want, but fat chance. >> legally. statistically way off.

that's why securities are good. the higher the self-esteem, the less likely you achieve. there was something i always site and i can't find the study. prisoners, inmates have higher self-esteem. the reason they got in jail is they felt they didn't have to follow the rules. they break the law. >> you get that with traders. it is the same thing. they thought they were smarter than everybody else and they are all sitting and rotting in hell. >> except snowden. >> but the other night during the oscars not to distract but emily came home and said you are not watching the oscars? it was just in time to see freaking citizen 4. what would have been beautiful if they cut to a shot with snowden in moscow thanking them for the award.

>> he did that afterward. >> how come you haven't gone to moscow and taken care of this the way diligence takes care of it. >> i am not saying we weren't asked to. >> at least you are a patriot. >> scomming up, what is the best drug to do? send them to me. just kidding. just meet me outside at 3:00 a.m. >> tonight's sponsor is conspiracy theory liquor. it is the first alcohol that still gets you drunk. thanks conspiracy theory liquor.

poor girl. the bell tolls for internet trolls. some on-line a-hole challenged an mma fighter to a fight and got his butt kicked. it is the subject of tonight's -- >> what did you expect? >> what did you expect? josh the dentist was getting taunted on facebook by a big idiot named patrick martin. he would say things like i will put you in an ambulance and you won't hit me guaranteed. at bloody elbow.com the guys

say he was talking about mma fighters for about a month. he said his tormenter is over a foot taller than him. let's see where they are meeting. tool -- fool me once. don't fool me twice. let -- let's see the real one. >> get out of the way guys. he was helping him. even after the video was released martin went back on facebook -- facebook is great -- and he said he would like a rematch mike, you have had your share.

you wouldn't do another approach and ignore such? >> no he is an m ma fighter. and the guy was. i completely agree that the guy was a dumb ass. who does that? >> well there are six billion people on the planet and the internet has brought us altogether sam. this can happen all the time you must get this a lot. as a comedian a guy says i saw you at the la -- laugh a go go. >> i am trying to get into the laugh a go go. there is an urge. it is actually more of a violent urnal than if you talk to somebody on the street. >> you know they are hiding behind their keyboard and they are cowards most of the time.

who challenges a guy named "the dentist" to a fight. you know you are not winning the fight. just a guy who nick -- nicknames "the dentist." >> it is not because he gives cleaning. >> silva rousey, take notice, joe mackey is talking trash. . >> to be fair, the proctologist is the scarest fighter. >> not where i am from. >> you have your opinion and i have mine. >> should he have responded or taken the high road? >> i don't know. i usually like to ignore bullies. i recognize an insecurity in them. when someone tells me i have large balls and that i am hide hide -- hiding i would like to think they are insecurity

about it. ii know where they come from. this video makes the mma fighter look bad in my eyes. obviously are you a professional and you are beating on someone who does president know how to do it? >> that's an interesting point. it is like when a skillful caw yen they continue to eviscerate him. is that a good -- >> no, not at all. i agree. th guy was not just saying you're a jerk or you're an idiot. he said you can't beat me up. okay i can settle this. so go ahead -- he should have stopped. once the guy is down on the ground and he is whaling on him. obviously the dude couldn't

fight like he could fight. i have no problem. the guy goes i won. i want a rematch. i think he just wants friends. >> i think he likes being beaten up. >> you don't have to go down town to pay for. it. >> you just have a great story if the troll beat him. >> he was looking for his 15 minutes and he got it, but 14 minutes was on the ground covered up. you put somebody down and you want to make sure you stay down. >> mike knows that feeling. you say that with some regret. don't just bury him and walk away. they will claw their way up. new research finds marijuana is 114 times less deadly than alcohol. meaning it is okay for kids.

i joke. researchers looked at the risk of death associated with qhol, weed, heroin ecstasy and meth. they found that booze is the most deadly and cannibus is much, much less so. marijuana poses mental health issues, but the risk of a pothead od-ing. is od-ing the best measure? >> marijuana is still safer because potheads live with their mother. >> so true. >> you never did coke when you lived at home with mom. >> no. why would you want to? nothing will make you confident. >> i feel great! >> why would you want to be awake longer jie. in your own room and staring at your high school posts.

>> stop acting like -- it is not prohibition. they call it prohibition. pot is not that illegal. it is not that hard to get. do you want pot bars? >> all i know now joanne walking around i smell it everywhere. when i walk to work people are getting high. there are drunk people walking around. i walk by schools and i am smelling it way too class to school. that's why we should teach drug use in schools. >> it is the most deadly because it is the most popular. you will have the more deaths with the more consumers you have. >> so it wasn't done by percentage? >> andy did the research. >> drunk lady is accusing you of doing research. >> it says unlike alcohol and

cocaine you can't inject enough thc to kill you. you could if you were really moat straighted. >> you would go crazy. >> you will stop being able to take it long before you could take the dose that would kill you. >> there are other ways is how addictive it is and whether regular use can crew up your life -- screw up your life. the question is can you kif yourself smoking pot. you can smoke pot and wiewk into into -- and walk into traffic. >> mike end this segment. >> andy, are we ever going to agree on anything? >> i have a concluding statement. >> really? all i heard was you were saying to the is good for you. you didn't say that? >> i didn't say pot is good for you.

i am encouraging of the -- >> do you have a point? >> no so much. twenty seconds to go. >> see he proves the mark anthony story. every time baker is he doesn't try. >> i don't even though -- >> someone who doesn't smoke weed you argue like a pothead. >> so true. >> i guess we have had enough. >> in high school hey handsome face. hey, what is going on, handsome face. handsome face, over here. >> coming up bionic hands. steve uh stin, they are we come. amazon.com, g gutfeld.com.

here is what is coming up on kennedy. >> tomorrow night jim norton. that's on fox business network. whrap

dismie it was my favorite show from the 1970s, murphy brown. i kid. i speak of the $6 million man." and now we are a stip closer to the real thing -- we are a

step closer to the real thing. three austrian men chose to have their injured happened amputated and -- hand amputated and replaced with bionic ones. transplanted from the leg to the arm allowing signals from the brain to control. he has no feeling in his bionic hand but it can do everything his boring that can be. this was my dream. we don't have much time. the $6 million man's hand could happen in my lifetime. >> first it is uh tree yen flen. and then it said fought to get mind control. i was looking for a video. >> it is amazing. with the bionic hand you can hold an entire box of wine. >> i wropt foe when it is empty. i can't feel which is

unfortunate. so they took muscles from the leg and put them in the hand and the arm. and the brain would register it. if you are running does your arm start going since it is the muscle of the leg. >> i'm sure they figured that out. >> it is a good foint. >> it is like phantom limb pain in a way. >> andy? >> sure. the nerve doesn't know where it is from. >> i am a scientist. i have a political science degree. i like to talk about dogs and i would never leave the house and i'm sure this is something amazing. this is great mike breaker. mike baker. >> i love that show. >> i love it so much that i wanted to be bionic even if it

meant i had to lose parts in my body. >> they lost their hand. >> you doptd -- don't make a salad. it is important you point that out. coming up a victory for rats.

in our house, we do just about everything online. and our old internet just wasn't cutting it. so i switched us from u-verse to xfinity. they have the fastest, most reliable internet. which is perfect for me, because i think everything should just work. works? works. works! works? works. works.

program note. if you missed last night's show due to breaking news we will run it again tomorrow. it was a great show. you will love it. i will host "the o'reilly factor" friday at 8:00 p.m. eastern. >> e block. last story. that's the last story. it turns out that it was the jerbils who -- the gerbils who spread the germ-ils. the rats were blamed for the black playing brut gerbils may be to blame. it turns out central asia's wet springs and warm weather are likely to like it and they

brought it on their flea-infested bodies. theyalso have a cuteness and ended up in celebrities butts. documented by many blogs. vindication for the rats? >> i am happy for the black rat. that's all i had to say about this. about time. >> it is about time. does this change your opinion about the rat? >> it also -- the gerbil as well. now i think what richard gear did was really gross. i don't know. it is gross. the bubonic plague, i still don't like rats. they are just not cool to me. >> they somehow seem less threatening. >> it is true. now i am going to be friends with them. >> a lot of celebrities need to get tested for the plague.

>> you are going to the well. >> may i say this greg, about the study? >> yes, please. >> i smell a rat. it would be interesting to see who did the study. i would be surprised if big rat was behind it. it is convenient it is not the one study doo after 800 years knowing it is the rats. >> no, it is not the rats. >> can we get that again? >> i don't want to see that again. >> sigh yens was settled. -- science is settled. >> they are rat deniers. >> joanne, how was this not discovered sooner. was this a weird hoax? >> i don't know. it is making me question all theories like the titanic? i can't believe that now. regardless of -- >> why? there is a ship. >> regardless if it is a rat

or gerbil i don't trust row dents or guys in finance. that's my rule. >> what is the theory of titanic you don't believe? >> i want to hear about guys in finance. >> that the movie didn't actually sink. >> guys in finance, what is the deal? >> it is like wall street. that was pretty good. >> so you de bunk the rat theory and we are all okay. >> she had a little -- convultion. where are you sam? >> milwaukee comedy cafe. march 12th through 4 teenth as long as

al-shabaab is coming. no threats. i have to do this. layoff milwaukee. >> milwaukee in march. i am excited. >> that's for us. thanks, mike.

breaking tonight, new signs of the sick ideology of isis infiltrating the united states with word tonight that there are three arrests in new york city and an ominous warning for the director of the fbi. welcome everybody to "the kelly file." i'm martha mccallum in for megyn kelly. so as we continue to witness these atrocities, these kidnappings, these beheadings at the hands of isis, the threat now hits closer to home today. because three men originally in this country legally now face charges. two nabbed here in new york. they were living in brooklyn. the other in florida. two waged to plan jihad overseas. and if they couldn't get there, they