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>> hi, i am greg gutfeld. thank you for not watching csi.

it's a rerun. tonight's topic, evil. evil is bad. but how bad? for the pie chart. evil contains four ingredients depravity, cruelty, self interest, coconut water. without coconut water evil is benign like canada. add coconut water canada becomes france. see quebec. who is evil? in a poll of liberals 100 percent said conserveties. among conservatives 100 percent said liberals. in a poll of libertarian 100 percent asked for weed. the point today is easier to call itself evil for it eliminates the pain of debate. the science is settled everyone is evil. look at him ry clinton. >> 53 percent says she is not honest and trust worthy. cindy bloomer thall raked in 10,000 a month while giving clinton unsolicited advice on

libya despite a white house ban on him working for the administration. >> hillary rodham clinton? how evil is she? hillary 7 letters, rodham 7 letters. 767. remember that. u.s. code title 18 chapter 101 addresses crimes to e-mail records which would could be us rodham. chapter 767 minus 101666 the mark of the beast. satan 666. that's 36s, 3-6, 36. hillary was 36 in 1973 the same year that kiss first appeared in public without makeup. kiss, kiss. what's that stand for? knights in satan's service. a coincidence? good question. i would ask hillary but today is may 31st, the 5th month, 5:31 together that's 36.

3 plus 6. now look at me. greg gutfeld. gregory john gutfeld. search letters, four letters, seven letters. that's 18. 18. russ westerly was number 18 in the days of thunder. he almost killed coal trickle. >> that, friends, is evil. we can find evil in anything and everything. which means we must prioritize real evil instead. >> first evil isis. the tweet they killed 400 women and children in syria just for tick kicks. they incinerated a woman for not

agreeing to her own rape. let's agree that isis hits the jackp jackpot. clearly that's worse than not baking a cake for gays. torching a girl is a true war on women unless you see it as the next renewable fuel. speaking of, number two, climate change. the topic of many college commencements even for our president. >> i am here today to say the climate change constitutes a serious threat to global security. immediate risk to our national security and make no mistake it will impact how our military defends our country. we need to act and we need to act now. >> what's missing context? is this the hottest in history even with the 17 year pause or have we been down this road before, before there were suv's. we can agree climate changes but what should be done beyond demonizing the anti panic wret ren who also happen to be

scientists, too. on the evil scale global warming is 15 on par with men's sandals and pelicans. for context who is what is worth for global warming unclean drinking water, poor sanitation, poverty, lack of basic healthcare ks lack of education and of course, this. ♪ >> what is wrong with america? these are real world problems which could be solved with the billions chasing a sliver of cells why yous. number three, racism. it is safe to say it is evil. that's why i don't watch hockey. it is too white and it's why i di don't like the nba it is too tall. racism is viewed different

discriminate against blacks you are done. discriminate against asians ho hum. they filed a discrimination complaint against harvard over unfair admissions practices claiming the quota system harms them. did you hear about it? no. because they are asians. we rarely see a math asian protest. except here. >> amazing. >> in short racism is evil but some is more evil than others. perhaps because blacks bought a worse. slavery jim crow dismissing these past sins is wrong and evil but so is using it to sow division. this conflict is an old as thomasever so-- thomas jefferso. he signed the declaration of independence but he owned slaves.

he is so too faced his head should be on the nickel. what made this country best ever is so pleasant even with the past blunders. the left and right makes mistakes but the progressive solutions are disastrous. at this point can it get any worse? i say enough division. remember when you loved the steelers and i loved the raiders and we both hated come mes? can't we do that with isis? sadly the world has changed. ideology is a team sport now. identity is the new patriotism. it is no longer who is wrong but who is evil. let's stop attacking and instead let's go after judgment. i can be right but i could be wrong, too. but evil that he 's just silly. >> i am excited it is time to go to our liberal panel for a

partisan debate on the problems of division. liberal panel it is good to see you. >> great to be here. congratulations on your new show. >> i appreciate it. this divisive at no, smoss fearo be getting worse but liberals are stoking it. >> p isn't that divisive to say the liberals are stoking it. you said something divisive. >> i did, right. >> but the point is, i want divisiveness to end but it is the left who keeps stoking it. i am asking the left to stop. that's not being divisive. i am extending the hand. >> one side is stoking it. you know what's worse than kids witho -- kiss without makeup. you know what's worse about pelicans no planet. >> because of a slight increase in secelsius the planet is goin to implode. >> it is more than a slight degree and it happens over time. racism, yes, all of those problems with evil, no planet bigger evil.

>> you are saying the planet based on computer models is far more harmful than isis which is currently beheading hundreds of people killing and raping, but the projected climate models which have been wrong every time that is telling you it is more dangerous. >> long time evil no planet. it's called science. >> don't use the science card on me. i have been reading the studies on climate change. we are going on 17 years of a pause. do you understand that? >> a pause? >> this is the longest hottest decade in history. >> not in history. >> you are saying recorded. >> it is. >> but you know that it was hotter before we even had cars. >> there's no proof of that. this is climate scientists making assertions not scientists who have nothing to do with the climate. >> i am sure you are going to bring up the 97 percent myth. i am not going to talk about that because i am tired of the

wooden portrayal of leftism. how about this, hillary clinton is creating more by demanding all women vote for women. >> i don't recall her saying that. but many people on the left like bernie sanders. >> he is a socialist who relies on capitalism. he is selling t-shirt on his web site for his campaign. >> you are against capitalism? >> i am against you and bernie sanders. they both have term mights. >> he is not a wall. i am. >> for the mandatory social that i am contractually bound to tell you to follow at twitter@gutfeld show and to like the greg gutfeld show page on facebook, whatever that means. charles core rault never had to do this and he had a secret family. let's go to a secrete location

where we find our op ed for tonight she is watching the show to tell us how we are doing. any thoughts other observations? >> very weird. did you say a singing cricket a 0 on the evil scale. like jiminy cricket. >> you are picking this shifled top hat thing for a sign of pure goodness. >> jiminy cricket was something in my childhood that makes me happy. >> it's a talking insect. i notice you have the fake cartoon glasses. >> my glasses are real. look. they are right here. >> yes. take them off, please. >> are you sure? oo i don't think people will like me without them. >> clearly that's why. it's a self esteem issue. >> okay see you lart in the show. >> the republican candidate feels he has grown dramatically in the past week.

>> we have 19 candidates vying for the nomination. let's take a look at what some of the presidential hopefuls have on deck over the next few days. here's the next installment of the series that ponders the tough yes facing the candidates on the 2016 campaign trail. >> coming up this week on the campaign trail 2016 mike huckabee rallies the poor in the heartland. is he planning on financing his run by selling his gi joe with the kung fu grip? >> i still got it. it is in mint condition. >> hillary clinton meets potential voters in iowa. is he considering changing her title to space commander in charge of global domination? >> i might. i have to ponder it mentd i will put it on my list for do consideration. >> marco rubio will take a break to attend the private advanced screening for star wars but should he have to wait until

september like the rest of us. >> they suggest i should step aside and wait my turn. i cannot. god bless you. >> rand paul fires up his base. he admits unicorns are awesome. not now not ever. >> until next week on the campaign trail 2016. >> breaking news. while that mpackage was running 25 more candidates have joined the republican race including actor billy zane who is an american treasure. former san francisco short stop johnny lander and formerly van halen. he could win on looks alone probably. it is time to take a break. if you leave now there's nothing i can do about it so please come back.

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>> what about if i have a guest on that is boring and he is supposed to be on for six or search minutes -- seven minutes abort it or keep going or is there a way to save it? >> you know what to do. i will tell you exactly what you do, you cut to huckabee.

>> my next guest has had the distinction of being a col pal pundit on all eight channels. he is host of fox and friends weekend. his latest book is called politicians, partisans and pair site para sites. it is the long-awaited sequel to his 2003 best selling autobiography tucker carlson was nice enough to stop by and talk about the book. let's get the first one out of the way. what inspired you to write a sequel in the first place? >> when you wrote an autobiography at 32 it turns out to a lot to live. >> i can't believe i got into this. so boring. tucker this, tucker that. blah, blah, blah. i am sorry. i think i have a piece of candy in my pocket. would anybody notice if i eat it? gum drops. my favorite.

they remind me of candy land. i haven't played that game in ages. if i ever played candy land again i would play with rob o'neil. he kil bin laden. that guy seems pretty cool not like tucker. tucker shut up. is he still talking? should i just let him keep going? i will day dream until he stops. >> it is your move. oh>> know blue. >> you go for the ice cream cone. >> that is so wrong. this is going to take forever. >> double red. >> that's a winner. >> i beat the guy who killed bin laden. >> well played, sir. >> thank you for your service.

i am interested, what is your life like after this happened? how has your life changed? it has been different i get recognized in a lot of places. i was concerned about that but it has been overwhelmingly positive. the best story i haven't told yet. i had a woman standing in line she elbowed her daughter. the daughter looked at me and said we have a test about you on monday. a test, what do you mean? she said current events class we have a test about you. do you have a pen and paper? what's your name in victoria. i wrote please give victoria an a. >> what do you do now? >> take a selfie. >> when my teacher ask me what happened? >> tell her you took the assignment so seriously that you found me. it is weird like that but i get a lot of people coming up to me and saying thank you and it was a noble cause. >> victoria said she didn't

believe her. >> the selfie wasn't me it was brad pitt. >> now that you bring that up. if they are making a movie which i think at some point they are going to be making another movie, who would you like to play you? i have some options? >> i have one, too. i bet he is on your list. >> jake busey. >> that's good. but you don't look as mentally ill as jake busey. >> you don't have that weird hereditary wild eyed insanity look. >> i was thinking more like a young ron howard. you look a little bit like ron howard. maybe clint howard. have you ever seen his other brother? >> what about cuba gooding junior. >> why shouldn't it be cuba gooding. >> if you were president of the united states what would you do with isis? >> with isis we were plague candy land that was the castle we controlled it i would make sure all of these were u.s. marines send them on a gave she

ship and i would try to work on foreign policy with the rest of the unicorns and bobble heads and make it a help year place. even though it is canned leland it is 2015 and no reason to murder each other because we don't believe in the same thing. >> this operation you took part in was jep tune eers. who names these? >> i don't know. i came up with a few. unicorn girdle. like tightening the neoose aroud a flagy unicorn. operation pegasus chap. chaps are the pants without the backs. or operation gutfeld. >> you can use that any time you want. i have an idea of how the bin laden raid went down. threw there are probably people who don't. we don't have much of a budget. if you could show us what went down that night using the candy land game board, we sdfrnt hadi

enough piesces to create the scenario. those are the helicopters. the game pieces are the brave seals who did the job. this is bin laden right back here this is bin laden. what happened? >> we have to start with the spin first. then once we did i think they would come in here and he would go like that. >> the helicopter went down. >> right. >> they would go up the stairs like this and split off there and then he would tackle them and a little cherry thing right here ends up right there. >> that is you. this is bin laden. we couldn't find a bin laden doll so we used walter white. >> rob, this has been krindbly instruction al and entertaining. i would assume that this constitutes some kind of evidence that we should get rid of. >> absolutely. >> should we burn this? >> one of the things writing it

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right now i am for it because i think humans must seek their own relief. government. shouldn't decide it for you. i feel the same way about guns, food and musical theater. however with pot i realize that i may be wrong. way wrong. especially about its effect on society. i have no idea what the outcome

will be for this country. it's not like i have to worry. i boov kids so i don't smoke pot so it can't stunt my growth. what is left to stunt. what if it is like after prohibition but what if it isn't. alcohol had a counter wait in family and religion which helps reign in all of our drunks. most men who suddenly showed up to mass just got told by their wives clean up or move out. church was the suburban aa. now with family and community and religion in the decline every pot head can ingull j in a lifestyle free of speed bumps. it is a hazy world of video games porn game of throwns and binge watching. watching someone else do something that's a breeze. while i think of war on relief and a painful world only creates more pain i can't be certain. i know if you watch the world go by in a sofa it will be over

before you know it. joining me is someone who is convicted as i am -- conflicted as good as i am. good to see you. look great as always. >> thanks greg. i have shep's personal trainer a strong guy. he has refined my technique. >> whatever you are doing keep doing it. it is paying off big time. >> i will, greg. can we get to the request he is? i have charity work with way ward teens i need to get to urgently. >> as i was saying i am for legalization but i think it can be bad in the long run. really bad. do you agree? >> i can understand the conflict and i admire your hon teesty ths why you have your own show while many lang wuj in obscurity. legalization could not cause more harm than the war on drugs already has. we way too many people whose lives have been ruined because they were seeking some relief from a cold and brutal world. they just choose a different

method than a martini or hot yoga. >> your mind is overflowing with insight of the thoughts. you are a bright man. >> takes one to know one, greg. maybe after the show we can get together. >> you know what, i would like that. >> i would like that, too, greg, i would like it a lot. >> before we go, a quick update on a story we have have been following. a family of black bears startled a group of tourists on a bridge at yellowstone national park. the bear ate every last one of them. i couldn't help but wonder, what about the bears? is i sent a reporter to find out. here is the first installment of where are they now? >> some tourists chased by bears at yellowstone national park after a mother bear became agitated when the people got too close to their cubs.

>> that was in 2015. deborah barrington and her cubs after their tourist chasing video went viral. the young ones went on to form the first ever all boy bear band hibernation nation. the first album went platinum in 12 minutes and a u.s. mall tour followed. the success came at a price. deborah who was mare manager turned displeasure and was prompted fired. had to embark on a 'ole low career but at 4 and a half told bikes executives she was too old for hollywood. in a chance encounter with alec paul ball win in spago may have led to bigger better things. they are teaming up this fall in harry situation. the legendary actor was asked how it compares to the last movie he did with a bear the edge. >> i lining that it is edgier.

>> it is another nail biter. >> where are they now? >> congratulations, alec baldwin on his new project good things for good people. >> if you leave now i will stab tucker in the neck with an infected umbrella tip. whehe trusts onlyon duracell quantum because it lasts longer in 99% of devices.

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and it helps give me the nutrition i was missing. helping me stay more like me. [ female announcer ] boost complete nutritional drink has 26 essential vitamins and minerals, including calcium and vitamin d to support strong bones and 10 grams of protein to help maintain muscle. all with a delicious taste. grandpa! [ female announcer ] stay strong, stay active with boost. >> you know anybody who knows channing tatum. >> no. >> why would i know anybody who knows channing tatum. >> you are kind of a celebrity. >> kind of being the operative word. >> i was thinking you may have run into him at a party. >> you don't go to those parties. this is fox. you are nothing going to get anybody -- >> who do you think i should shoot for if i am going to be realistic? >> dick bore rest?

(laughter) >> it is a known fact when people are p interviewed on tv they often say dumb things. some people are so dumb it makes me laugh. and laughing always makes me feel better boo myself. that's why we see so many man on the street interviews to help you us feel smarter on ourselves. so i sent out a correspondent to times square which is known for its dummiedummies. the topic harriet tubman replacing andrew jackson on the $20 bill. anything you would like to say before we play the package? >> no. take it away, me. thanks, me. >> there's nothing more american than women's history and money. we are going to see how much history people in times square know. let's find out. people say we need more women on u.s. currency. there are three women on coins. do you know who they are? >> susan b. anthony, helen

keller and pack joe we awe. >> is that right? >> very right. great. >> and who was susan b. anthony? >> she was president of the national american women's sufficient raj association. >> i think that's right. >> very lucky guess. very lucky guess. good job, ladies. >> i would love to see a female on a $20 bill. i would love for it to be one of the current justices. >> what about the other two? >>ciety sotomayor i remember. and elain yaw kagan. >> what is soto mayor -- sotomayor's middle name? >> maria. >> that's right.

>> harriet tubman has been chosen to replace andrew jackson on the $20 bill. great choice but another nominee was wilma man killer. do you know who that is? >> the first female chief of the cherokee nation. >> that's right. >> who is the richest woman in the world? >> christie wal-mart harris. >> how much is she worth? >> like around 41.7 billion. >> seriously? how do you know this? so who was the first female u.s. treasurer? >> georgia clark. >> i am thinking of a number between 1 and 10. what is it? >> 3? >> and a color? >> orange. oo what happened there. not only was it not funny it made us look bad. we were supposed to expose

america's ignorance. you assured us you could do that. what happened? >> i just like to take this moment to apologize not only to you, greg, but to the network and the viewers. most importantly millennials. i kind of let my generation down with that one. i don't know what happened. i did everything you said. i p went on wikipedia. i found the most obscure questions i could find. i didn't even know the answers. i went up to people holding selfie sticks because that's a magnet to the dumb. it was just my unlucky break. but i will never make the same mistake twice, greg. no. no. if you keep me on, i hope you do. i will do better. i will do better. >> we need to send you some place dumber but we don't have the budget. >> i will pay out of pocket. >> coachella or dc. >> dc would be better for me personally.

because i like the cherry blossoms. >> that's good. that's good. that's where they are. >> don't take it so hard. >> i just want to say, you are so talented and for giving. i really like that about you. >> that's good to know. i will put that into consideration somewhere. while you were wasting america's time with this segment i am told mere people decided to run for president. the gop field is up to 100 candidates. the latest additions include coco crisp who could win on his name alone. alpaca which is a very under rated animal. a pack of killer bees. i am not sure who their voting base is and an old xhcome med dr computer. the seattle space needle entered the race. it is a very large needle, tucker.

what do you think? >> it is a very sharp needle. i wouldn't want to fall on that. i tend to fall on sharp things you can ask a local emergency room. >> up next our op ed katherine temp tells us what we have wrong. you have 3 minutes and 40 seconds to go. make me a sandwich. we all enter this world with a shout,

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a oo welcome back to my show. let's find out how the getses did and how i did p tonight. let's go to p tonight's op ed national review reporter katherine timpft who has been watching the show all night i hope. she will assess how many things i got right and how many things all got wrong. isn't that right? >> i have been going through all of your mess on the hillary is evil stuff. it turns out that it is not mass. >> what is it? >> it was numbered. >> also you said that kiss went out into public without makeup for the first time in 1936. not true. they weren't alive. >> i said it was 1986. >> also when it will be the first time you go out into public without makeup on? >> you are changing the subject. i said 1986.

>> no you didn't. >> i am om budsing you. >> no you didn't. >> you made a mistake. >> i don't make mistakes. joanne, if you wanted people to not know the answers you you should have asked harder questions. >> i thought they were hard. >> the only easier questions would have been if you asked about women's basketball trivia. those would be the only easier thing i could think of. you said like the second easiest thing. >> you are right. you are right. >> tucker. you said you laugh, cry. you experience the fully motionnal range. >> that is noddt the fully motionnal range. laughed so hard you cried. the cried so hard you laughed. the being not mad disappointed being disappointed just mad. those are just the ones i have had today. >> all was in there for sure. it was implied. >> greg, you got a lot wrong on the pot head stuff.

>> explain to me what you got wrong. i would love to hear it. >> you are not considering all of the ways pot heads are contributing to the economy. >> give me some examples. >> snacks, bob marley posters, infinity tattoos. urban outfitters would go out of business completely. and the fast food industry. what about the fast food industry? >> there's a lot of nonpot heads that use the fast food industry, too. >> i don't know about that. also you saying that is detrimental and makes people sit on the couch. looks like liberal internet is not too happy with that. seeing headlines fox news host, drugs are the reason all poor people are poor. that will be a little rough. die know. seriously go out into public without makeup. >> i do all of the time. i look better without makeup. >> i understand. the lathes time i did it some kid looked at his dad and asked

if i had ebola. that was a little tough. you got to do tough things sometimes. >> how did the first show so far go comparing it to other firsts like the first star wars or the old testament? >> i have never seen star wars and never read the old testament. >> you are the best. >> b minus. >> b minus. okay. that's all right with me. all right katherine, joanne and tucker. thank you for being on the first show. but it is not over. for you at home i have something to say after the break. first let's go to the live traffic cam outside of the st studio. it is a mad house. people trying to get into the show. the buzz about the show is really building. they got rid of the traffic lights to see if it would floi any better. it does make things smoother. ta.

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>> could i have a kind of signature signoff. johnny carson did the golf swing at the end of his monologue. >> right. >> should i have a signoff? >> how about something like this. >> i like that. that's a good one. >> all right. did you like the show? good. er weird. but weird is good. weird ask normal. because these days have been flipped what was wufshs normal is odd. what is usually edgy is mundane. that's why we had to cut out our health segment. >> this suction device creates a vacuum inside of the cups. these cups are placed on various acupuncture points on the body. they are moved around in a massage like motion.

>> that doesn't hurt at all. >> it may look strange. i can tell you cupping really does feel like a deep tissue massage. >> i can promise you from here on in this show will not be edgy. edgy was a term created to pawn stupid stuff. pro by lotic -- probiotic joe gurt. taking jabs at things people fought and died for that's not risk it's a costume. these days risk is doing something the media derives saying cops are awesome. military rules, identity is increases from the upper west side to the backyards of brentwood a snickering of a class trained by the public applause sign. real risk is taking a look at different things in an unabashed way. the fact is if you are watching

me now they already do. watching fox news is the equivalent of shooting kittens from an humvee. struggling baby lambs with stacks of bills. it is like making dgu losh homeless. wealth is a measure of greed. if you are watching this show gr congratulations, you are not like them and you are one of us. we are glad you are here. here's what's on the show next week. ♪

>> tell people to watch this show. if you don't i will hunt you down and kill you with kisses. >> so, how was the show? >> don't ask. >> same place? >> are they expecting us? >> everything is all set up just exactly as you asked. >> do we have the wax? >> hot and melted. >> the way i like it. let's get the hell out of here,

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