>> well, here we are. >> i don't know, lou. here we are. can't i go to work with you? >> you're going to be fine. if he gives you trouble just ignore him. >> he's constantly following me in the halls. >> the halls? >> in the halls. >> well, ignore him. >> i'll try. thanks. >> have fun. >> i'm going to try. >> greg. >> yeah. did you forget something? >> thanks. peanut butter. >> exactly. greg. >> yeah? >> this. >> thanks, lou. >> greg.

>> oh. >> and this. >> yeah, yeah, thanks. i almost forgot. >> this. >> okay. >> anything else? >> thanks, lou. >> hey, you dropped your alligator. >> i don't think he knows what he's doing. he's in way over his head. >> i don't understand like why people tolerate this kind of nonsense. >> looks like he is weak. >> he doesn't know what to do. >> this guy is freaking moron. >> start doing what we pay you to do. >> i'm greg gutfeld and i

dropped my alligator. tonight's topic, a pool party gone wild. roll the tape, tape roller. >> relax. >> you thought i was going to show the girl and the rogue cop in texas. you've seen that more time than william devain selling silver. to me it was a local story gone steroidal. it's big time grafting onto larger epidemic about race and cop brutality. it attracts media like free adderal. now isolated incidents are linked together to tangle law enforcement. once you bring down the law, you bring down society. who should we blame?

me for starters. we played the tape because it gets eyeballs. the story that lacks good visuals is ignored like a hairy baby. we can't find good shots of computer hacking. this stock footage like this. while we focused on mckinney, hackers hammered the office of personnel getting data to millions of federal workers. social security unusunumbers, h records. this is really bad. it's a huge military defeat. how can we care when a pool brawl is way more interesting than stock footage of a wonk pressing send. maybe it will help if we imagine america as that poor teenage girl in a swim suit and the red army as the small town cop and

imagine our nation's defenses are in the hands of a community organizers, that's the picture this story needs and it's one that should scare the pants off you. period. >> i love that. >> look who's here. he's so smart his iq requires a comma. i want to go to you first. this theory that when local goes national it trumps all stories. it's put into a larger narrative and other stories that have no visuals are ignored. do you buy that? >> i do. our show was delayed by a breaking news of video of a

purse snatching in a soup market parking lot. an vent that would not make the police blotter except it was great video. there are other kinds of bias. there's good video bias is a luj one. i agree with you entirely. the only thing i want to point out is it often works the other way too. sometimes the mainstream media will use the excuse it's a local story not to cover something. remember the guy working like -- >> killing babies. >> it was like out take from the movie saw with body parts all over the place. the washington post explained they didn't want cover it because it was a local crime story. >> that's because they have nagtives they want to tell or sell. romant romantic fiction will win over dry non-fiction.

whatever video or elements they can get, that's what they will focus on. >> i blame your generation. at fox news we like to blame the millenials. most americans don't care about hacking private info because you give it up. you're floozies with your information. >> it's almost like we become more important if someone wants our information. it says status symbol more than anything. >> that's pathetic way of looking at it. we should declare a vice amnesty. i would forgive you for your gambling habit. sooner or later we're all going to be leaked. we have to decide to forgive and forget. >> i always like the idea of buying send offsets like carbon offsets. if you -- if you have a thing for shaved lemars.

>> i don't. >> you can buy a send offsets and you're free and clear. >> that's a great idea. i'll steal that for the five on monday or tuesday. when ever i do that show. this is the best story ever. i love this woman. speaking of identity theft we're talking about the white president of an naacp chapter who has been telling everyone she's black and who are you to argue. >> are you african-american? >> i don't understand the question. >> are your parents -- >> that's amazing. clearly she's from kenya. rachel dolezal runs the spokane chapter of the naacp. she checked off african-american on the form as her race. a quick check of her birth certificate is something her president has, she's white.

both her parents are white. here she is as a teenager. she's obviously asian. this could be performance art. she's playing the long game. >> you think so. it's a fantastic story. i it's fantastic story. i think we live in a society where we subsidize identity, politics stuff and you get more of it. a few years ago there was a blogger who pretended to be gay girl in demascas. he was living in scotland. we get this fakery a lot of places because we privilege people because of the color of their skin or the sexual identity and this is what you get.

>> how dishonest is she. she's basically 50% less black than our president. >> technically. >> i only go by the science. >> i think people are upset the fact she wasn't clean. it's her. someone in this position love great dialogues. >> naacp is talking about how this country needs an honest conversation about race and people who are putting on fake black makeup. >> it's amazing. the naacp is okay with it. i think they should change their name to the naacplwtbp. the national association for the advancement of colored people and white ladies who think they're black. i don't see race or gender. we're all earthlings.

i'm no different than a cow. i'm no different than a pig or a horse. if i feel as my identity might change that i want to be an animal, why can't i be an animal? it's my identity. i might be hairless overgrown ferret. sometimes i feel that way. i want to check in with our always entertaining, always adorable liberal panel. it's always good to see you again. >> hi, greg. >> i would assume you support the white/black lady or the black/white lady. >> it's pronounced wafrican american. that's what she prefers. if she identifies as a black woman then that's what we should respect. i identity as a black woman named champagne and you refer to me as liberal panel every week. i'm champagne. >> do you think it's logical, as

a wall, that sometimes you think you're a door or chair. it's the people that perceive you that matter and they don't see you as a door or chair. >> will you stop trying to silence my narrative. i think we all need to watch the netflix program about rachel. it's called orange is the new black. is she a modern day heroine. >> i think she's been a personal heroine for me because i've been having a rough week. i found a good meditation practice. if i close my eyes and focus on my breathe and repeat at least i'm not rachel dolezal that makes me better. >> how are you feeling in

general about this? you know this story inside and out. she rejected some students in a class experience because they weren't hispanic enough. >> she did. she said she was going to tea party rally because there would be too many white people there. she must be really, really bored and looks like she's a really awful person. >> i disagree. i think tshe might be troubled. it becomes your identity an that's under threat. it gets kind of dangerous. by the way, she's a great artist. have you seen her art work. she doesn't have to do this. >> there was that one video of her drinking wine. it was excellent. >> i wasn't talking about that. i was talking about the sculptures. she has great ones. stop looking at me. we'll talk to you k.t. later. up next jerry seinfeld is mad

about the speech police on college campuses but will he lift a finger to help? our latest campaign trail installment that ponders the tough questions facing the candidate in the 2016 presidential field. watch. >> coming up this week on the campaign trail 2016. rick perry meets with potential voters but will his first move as president be to encourage zane to rejoin one direction. >> if he does that, he will be the greatest man of his age. let's give him that second chance. plus, will ted cruz continue to turn his back on the camera. is his imagine too reoccupied with time or both. >> imagine it's 1775. imagine it's 1776. imagine it's 1933. indeed to some they may seem unimaginable. >> finally does hillary clinton want to be president or is she more excited about joining the

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>> you know when yo you know when you have a show, the most important thing is how you look. i don't just want to look like a million buck, i want look like 6 million dollar. that's why i invited lee majors to help me pick out my wardrobe. follow me. do u yyou wear this around your waist or neck? >> it looks pretty good. that's a fox. any way, a nice black bet. simple black belt. black jeans look great. you can't tell it's not a suit from distance. >> tricking the public. >> and you want comfort. black jeans are classier. >> everything about you is black. >> black you don't go back. i don't know.

>> i've heard that somewhere myself, my friend. >> terrible. jerry seinfeld will not be perform at your college auditorium where he says campuses have gotten too pc. >> i don't play colleges but a lot of people tell me don't go near colleges. they're so pc. my daughter is 14. my wife says to her, well you know in the next couple of years you'll be hanging around the city more on the weekends so you can see boys. my daughter said that's sexist. they just want to use these words. that's racist. that's sexist. that's prejudice. they don't even know what they're talking about. >> college used to be exactly the place where a comedian would go to try their edgier material. now the kids have become stallen. even a professor wrote anonymously on vox.com that his

liberal students terrify him because they don't want their believes challenged. joining me is comedian nick de paulo. seinfeld's complaint. he reminds me of charleston heston. you've been talking about this for a month. >> at least 20 years. someone said to me you're political incorrect. you're good. that's the trend. even back then i go what are you talking about. seinfeld, let's give him credit. remember when michael richards did his little thing. he went on and defended him. he didn't run away. stop voting dem if you don't like this. >> he's a very wealthy man. he could do stuff about it.

he could start like events on campuses to fight this trend. why doesn't he put his money where his mouth is? >> too busy trying to set his daughter up with boys in the city. >> find a plan in the suburbs. >> go to the city and meet some boys. >> i here it's fleet week. >> take your time, don't come back. just tiptoe. if you bring anybody, i'll make breakfast. >> people in comedy clubs will feel if your humor is too mean they will complain. that's what it's about. they feel the joke is mean. use to be offensive and now it's moved to mean. you've written extensively. the irony is the biggest threat to free speech are the protesters. that blows my mind.

>> i've been saying for a long time i've been to a lot of campuses. maybe 100 in the last ten years. >> often uninuninvited. >> in a gray panel van. if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. there's this attitude like you can't just have your own life. you can't have your own believes. you have celebrate everyone's feelings. they raised in this environment. i think it starts in grade school as these delicate flowers. if you say anything that hurts their own self-conception of who they are or their identity an all that stuff, now the buzz word is triggers. you're triggering people. it's like an allergy to any truth you don't want to hear. >> i like it now that liberal professors are worried. it's like boohoo. where have you been. this has been going on for ever.

>> you're enabling these kids. you're part of the problem. colleges wear their pc attitudes like greek letters. it's this badge of pride that they are doing something good. they're part of something good when they're really excludeing people from their group. if someone thinks differently, you can't be part of it. they're not really learning. these professors aren't helping them grow. >> it used to be like if you were into bands or a type of music, like you were a punk or a head banger. now it's gender or ethic identity. it's like a white woman wanting to be black is like chet hayes, the son of tom hanks trying to be rapper. now it's purely, i don't know. the other thing is they don't just target. it's not about what you say. it's about who says it. for example, conservatives were criticized for being critical of

caitlin jenner. bill maher was the most brazen. not a peep. >> political correctness. the main purpose is to shut down white heterosexual male speech. >> you're the victim. >> i'm going to get in trouble for making fun of white people. >> he can't be racist anymore. >> that's not the only reason. you're supposed to be an ally of mine. >> remember the good old days when you could say whatever. >> geez. >> i'm just doing the kind of criticism that you normally get. i want to go to the liberal panel because i know what side he's on. i bet you applaud what's going on on campus. >> first of all, my name is champagne. >> sorry. >> boohoo nick. a white male can't say whatever he wants anymore.

i for one is happy to have seinfeld and his violent observational humor finally go away. this is the year of mindy kaley. >> i can't stand you. we've got to move on. thank you liberal panel, i think. it's like talking to a wall. are robots lulling us into a false sense of security? if you say no then they've already won. stick around. [ female announcer ] who are we?

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to make working as one easier than ever. virtually anywhere. leaving you free to focus on what matters most. >> i have a theor i have a theory, robots are going to kill us all. making the rounds on the webs. hilarious videos of robots falling over like this one here. [ laughter ]

[ applause ] >> maybe they're drunk. laugh away you superior humans. it's hilarious to see how clumsy and pathetic these machines seem to be. these videos were will lull us into a false since of security as the robots plan our end. perhaps they aren't clumsy at all. just really good actors playing to the camera. here is what the robots are capable of when they're not pretending. you see humans laughing at robots are like dinosaurs laughing at asteroids if dinosaurs actually existed, but that's for another time. mark my words, in 15 years

robots won't just be doing our jobs, we'll be doing their bidding. probably naked. >> she's so bright, the sun is told not to stare directly at her. that's our third joe today. what do you make of my theory? brilliant or awesomely brilliant? >> robots are good at heart. >> how do we know this is this. >> they do things that can help you. they can make your smarter, more innovative. they can help you make more money. here's the thing. darpa is an agency of the government. they are helping sponsor some of those crazy robots what you just saw. what they also do is something very interesting. they do bionic arms they can help save your soul, greg. >> i don't have one. there's no soul in this body. >> maybe they can implant one.

>> how can we prove those robots weren't acting? they were falling on purpose. you can't disprove that. >> i can't disprove that. maybe they were doing it to get on your show. >> i have another theory. a lot of people will like robots as pets. that's going how it's going to start out. you don't have to water them like plant or feed them like a dog. you don't kill it. then the pets, what will happen is, you'll have instead of cat ladies, you'll have robot ladies where women will have like 20 of these little robots and live in a house and be robots squirming and then they'll kill us. >> it will be slave arm. you also saw the beginning of the original planet ape movies where they were our butlers and became self-aware. it's going to happen one day. i welcome our new robot

overlords. >> that's smart thing to say. >> you're preparing. you're already a turncoat. you're the benjamin arnold. >> it's more ben brockman. in the simpson's he's welcoming the overlord. >> we could replace you with a robot, which would be an improvement. i would think. >> i think they have planned this falling down. making mistake s human things to do. we don't want to humanize them. they're not one of us. they're not more valuable than us. i'm not falling for it. pun intended. >> starts with they realize they can build a 3-d gun printer and then they tell the other robots and become term ninators. >> it starts with having lee majors on your show. >> that's true. he was the original. >> kind of like the robot animals. you don't have to follow them

around with a plastic glove picking up stuff. we build these thing ps. it's like a couple worried about their kids killing them. >> kids do kill them. >> you have to have kids. >> they can't multiply yet. >> this is my theory as well. we'll build such amazings robots combined with artificial intelligence they will develop their own rights groups. robots will be activists and say we are non-human or we have non non-human rights which are more valuable. >> i can't believe you're already against robot rights and they haven't been born yet. you're just really -- >> you're calling me robotist? >> yes. >> robophobe. >> robots will not take a great leap forward. it's going to be in little spurts like cell phones and before we realize it, they become alive and crush us. you guys are laughing at me now but in 20 years if you're not

married to one, you'll be killed by one. do you have anything for us? >> yeah. you said that jonah is a turncoat like benjamin arnold. who is benjamin arnold? >> he was a guy i lent money to in college and he took off with my money and benjamin. he owes me money. >> that was tom arnold. >> tom arnold took my drugs . >> good save. >> that was a nice save. >> after the break, joanne, explains how music festivals n benefit us all. more advice from my squash partner, lee majors. >> i think it's time for me to start wearing ties. i hate to tell you that i don't know how to tie one. i usually have other people tie it and i put it around my neck. >> what? who dresses you? >> anybody in the vicinity.

>> you don't know how the tie a tie. you're going to do the show. >> yes. >> we'll try to get a tie. >> one is longer than the other. i remember that. you go like this. >> you go like this, like that. something is missing. >> there's place i'm supposed to put this in. do i go like this? this is a trick tie. this is a trick tie. >> no, it isn't. >> this is a trick tie. >> we'll come back to that. here, try this. >> this is nice. i had one of these for my first communion. >> get it on there. >> i see. i can't do the clip on because i am functionally unstable. yeah, how you like that in. >> all right. you're selling the mitchmobile!? man, we had a lot of good times in this baby. what's your dad want for it? ..like a hundred and fifty grand, two hundred if they want that tape deck. you're not going to tell your dad about the time

my hamster had babies in the backseat, are you?! that's just normal wear and tear, dude. (vo) subaru has the highest resale value of any brand... ...according to kelley blue book ...and mitch. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. [p[man] hello,totten designs. sales department? yes...i can put you right through.

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i believe tha i believe that i can beat you on $6 million man trivia. first question, what was bionic on steve? was it the left eye, right arm, both legs or the right eye, right arm, one leg. >> left eye, right arm, both legs. >> all right. that's okay. that was easy. >> i had the operation. >> the bionic, who was that. >> van patten. >> vince van patten. >> what was the name of the boy? >> i don't know. i called him boy. >> what was the name of anthropoligist who was seeking big foot. >> it wasn't andre the giant because he was big foot. >> why were you trying to fight big foot? he wanted to fight you. >> i wanted his chicken bones.

>> i win because i had the answers. >> it's your show. >> this is the whole point of having a show. i win and lose. i would write into the script that i win. >> i'm not even getting paid. >> that is so true. you're getting paid with love. i got kissed by lee majors. that puts me in a select group of hollywood. >> a lot of people have been kissed by lee majors. are they just harmless fun for fans of all ages or most likely a tool of satan that's ruling the country. here is joanne. >> that's right. music fast values have beestiva getting a lot of criticism. if you love your country and you're proud to be an american,

you will go to a music festival. the most noticeable part of the event is the fashion. people plan their wardrobes way in advance knowing that these looks will be blasted all over social media. i say a native american tapestry worn as a halter top is cultural appreciation. those flower crowns will be responsible for the boom in horticulture's popularity over the next five years. a woardrobe is only one of the things many concert goers spend their parents hard earned money on. it's great for the economy, travel, hotel, camping gear, organic tacos at the vegan food stand. so many businesses in the surrounding area are profiting and thriving. the real highlight of a music festival is the camaraderie.

nothing warms my heart more than a group of young people with different backgrounds and beliefs gathering together this solidarity and mud to support the arts. arts programs are being cut left and right from schools so the fact there's still an interest this music and self-expression gives me hope for our future. that is why music festivals are great a idea and you should attend some this summer. >> i couldn't disagree more. music festivals are evil. they're disgusting. why mix mud -- >> did you not listen to everything i said? >> i listened and i listened patiently. it's a mixture of mud, drug, bodily fluids. there's always someone that will now up on your sandal ps p. >> we have to lyisten to this. >> you're really dating yourself. >> they can't handle their booze or drugs. they're the worst advertising for having fun. you know why the drug war started? wood stock.

everybody saw all these people getting high and throwing up and falling all over each other. if nobody saw that, we would have legalized drugs. i blame music festivals for the drug war and for the incarceration of millions of people. >> last festival i went to, men without hats. >> that wasn't even a music festival. it was bald guys doing weird things in an alley. >> they don't do drugs at festival. stay away from the brown yogurt. >> that's true. everything is healthy. organic tacos and go do ecstasy. i'm going to watch my colon and fry my brain. what's wrong with these people, america in. >> organic chemistry. >> time to take a break. first, a word from our transportation sponsor. >> transportation provided by my neighbor carl. he's a decent guy if you give

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>> >> >> >> >> >> we go to our op-ed, how is it

going so far? >> well, i'm going to start with you, nick, i don't appreciate your horribly sexist comments. okay? you're a man so you can understand how hard it is to be a woman we have to see horribly sexist institutions, like subway, forcing female employees to make sandwiches for men. >> jonah, you're not excited by the way. >> joanne, music festivals are great but after, it's crying, throwing up and girls with flower crowns going where is crystal? she's so messed up. you find her, no, you find her. and jolene, for a robot expert, you don't understand much about robots we're going to die because of

them. you know, greg, greg? do not not organic tacos and ecstasy until you try it. >> yes. because i want to get very, very high, and then have diarrhea? >> i love you spent time ranting about a local story and this rest of the segment talking about black, white, wanted to let both in. >> and because that is a funny story. >> all right. thank you. >> so what you're saying is that i'm guilty of what i was condemning? >> that is what i'm saying. >> i was aware of the hypocrisy. it was fun. >> yeah. no. you didn't say that. >> i didn't say that. >> all right. is that it? >> yes. for now. >> there she goes. >> just took her away. thank god. maybe we'll see her next week. who knows. coming up, more stuff.

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>> time >> time for the letter of the week. this is an actual e mail that i got from a viewer claiming i minced -- mispronounced the word dissect. the long i. name withheld fairfax, virginia. all right guy. never mind that someone had the time to write this letter to a complete stranger.

dcc my boss roge >> he cced my letter which means he is not only correcting me he is trying to get me in trouble. the writer is what we used to call a think. wi that's with a short i. thank you for your helpful input. don't get me fired. i don't have any other talents other than shouting. >> finally tonight my favorite part we present the first installment the very first of hard evidence. this is a show within a show where we examine one of the most disturbing cases in recent memory. this is the story of trevor a man whose life took a detour that involves kidnapers drug dealers murderers alien invaders a man known only as the seeker that culminated in the trial of the century. here is trevor story in the first of 52 parks.

>> trevor is born and raised in houston, texas. most of the days were spent driving a zamboni at a hockey rink. he went for a walk by the beach by the atlantic ocean. it changed his life forever. forensic pathologist michael bad din explains. >> this is entirely unexpected. because of it we had to make a much further investigation. >> it was a cold july night with snow on the ground and through his breath he could see a pair of headlights approaching on the highway in the middle of the desert. he could see a vehicle approaching him with huey lewis and the news on board. >> that was the first clue. >> first kicked off to what was going on on the surface. >> what happened next will

change the lives of millions of people. >> i don't know about you guys but um going to be sticking around for that follow up. 52 parks. >> riveting. >> it is amazing. i think we are done here. thank you jonah, jolene, joanne, nick, that's three joes and a nick. an interesting film i once saw in college. katherine and the libl bereral . happy flag day. >> i will see ya. >> what's up, bill? >> how was the show? >> it was pretty good. >> i was great. show is okay but i was good. really good. >> so you ready to go, champ? yeah, let's get out of here.

>> you didn't tell me we were going to a costume party. >> oh, we are not. >> live from america's news headquarters, new york police say two convicted killers on the run may have been spotted near allegheny county near the pennsylvania border, 350 miles away from the prison they've escaped from. there is a possible sighting last week in the same area. police are sharing no other details. richard matt and david sweat escaped two weeks ago. sweat is serving a life term, matt serving 25 years to life. police say the pair should be considered very dangerous. >> an intense manhunt in new orleans for