tv The Greg Gutfeld Show FOX News August 1, 2015 10:00pm-11:01pm PDT
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>> i am not getting it. so educate me. >> what is he talking about? >> are the american people already alarmed? >> forget it. i have had it. i am done. i am through. >> seems to be just failing on every level. >> hi, i am greg gutfeld. thank you for not watching "naked and afraid. the best five words ever burning smoke album. which candidate lost my votes all because of van halen. can everyone please stop discriminating against vam fires. open your minds and your veins
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america. but first. tonight's topic. childhood obesity. i am kidding it's donald trump and the awesome lid. >> i don't know if you saw the poll. they did a poll in nevada. the state of nevada. i am way ahead. more importantly as far as i am concerned i am way ahead with the hispanics well into the 30's which i think in seconds is like 11. >> well done trump. fre freedlander call your lawyer. polls are rating faster than hair gel in a hot car. >> a shane saw. how very trump. gentlemen bachelor lindsay gram felix unger. >> he gave me his number. i found the card. i don't know if it's the right number.
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let's try it. 202-228... i don't know. maybe it's -- it's 3, 4 years ago. i don't know if it's the same number. >> here comes graham with a cam. >> back to trump. what will donald give out next. ben carson's atm number. the code for the governor's mansion. marco rubio's jim locker combination. speaking of where is rubio? there he is doing trump. >> will e already have a presid now that doesn't have class. it's important to have a president that restores dignity and class to the white house. i don't believe that some of the language that mr. trump is employing is worthy of the office. i just do not. >> that's more church than trump. you know who really trumps trump? slick rick.
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>> he offers a barking carnival act that can be best described as trumpism, a tocks iks mix of demagogue reand mean spiritedness and nonsense that will lead the republican party to perdition if pursued. but no one be mistaken, donald trump's candidacy is a cancer on conservatism and it must be clearly diagnosed, exized and december carddiscarded. >> that's a metaphor. like a personality strain of ebola everybody is catching trumpitis for fear they will fade like yesterday's santorum. it is the trump show where everybody is brash and raw. you get meat cleaverers and name calling. it's the housewives of the rnc. all that's missing is the gay best friend. the trump verses republican it is a sibling squabble of he hit me first. why this eternal beef? the problem with conservatives
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is we hate government so we end up even hating conservatives in government including war heros. we disdain bureaucracy preferring to stand outside and heckle. trump has that because he's the heck ber roasting his peers like peking duck. he changes decisions more often than an indecisive foreign star who are you going to yell at then when the guy you love so much becomes the guy you loathe. when it is the trump show you are another extra. it is little lie unlikely he will even remember you. >> joining me tonight she is so hot she gives the son a dane -- lash sunburn host of the syndicated show the dana show. he's so smart he's not allowed near condom factories republican strategist and fox news contributor. dana i want to go to you first. he is obviously making a huge
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slash. i am wondering if this is -- it is kind of a natural have aadva when you are dealing with conservatives who already hate government. >> no. i love your monologue because i think it's spot on. this is turning into control 16. instead of deciding who will be in the white house. it is mean girls 2. people are angry and they don't want a -- she or he who slaps the hardest is the person who will win in 2016. i wish other candidates would wake up and realize they don't have to be so careful and kittens and sunshine with their speech all of the time. it is more the message than the record. we have a year to be completely disappointed by everybody else. >> that's true. we have a year. by this time next year all of the candidates could be mud wrestling naked in a giant cage. >> that would be disgusting. thank you for that image by the
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way. getting to understand trump's appeal ir rev vant competence, combativeness. a lot of these other guys lack that's understandable. the question i ask is this the guy we want to be the champion the voice of modern conservat m conservatism. you talk about the fact we have the primary voert who's like the fact that he is irreverent and he is loud. donald trump was the poster person for tax payer krohnism. i love here in erk no. he declared bank see four times. >> dana, he makes a very good point about the shifting positions. you wrote a pro gun book i think it was called hands off my gun. you know donald has expressed very strong gun control beliefs. are you worried at some point he is going to return to that? >> i don't know what to think about trump. he told me tuesday he was never going to run as a third party
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candidate and then thursday he tells the hill hill well if republicans don't treat me nice i may run as a third party candidate. i think he is just as shocked as anybody else that he is this far ahead in the polls. i do believe he is a conservative. i don't believe he has a conservative record. i like the disruption, though. i think he's a roar shock test ott least myself and everybody else watching this are sitting back watching well is he going to insight the candidates to respond with the same force and fury. he told me he has a concealed carry permit in the north in the past he says different staples. i don't know if he has come around. the voters will decide it. >> tony last word to you. >> i am all for disruption. i want more excitement. i want some of these guys to stand up to the plate and give us something to be aspir --
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inspired. at the end of the day you have what his campaign boils town down to is it hurts our party. he is saying he might run as a third party candidate if the party doesn't treat him right. he has to be treated gently. we have to put him in bubble take. this is what happens. they go after you when you are leading the pack. >> thanks for that point. he is like a the national lampoon cover where they have the gun to the dog's head. they are going buy this magazine or i will shoot the dog. trump is saying support my candidacy or i will shoot the party. dana, what should you do if your name is not trump?
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>> that's a great question. he has another guts in his pinky than i have in my name. u.s. marine staff sergeant joey jones. he is so preppie he tattooed an alligator on the side of his chest. >> charl son is here with the green room food. finally she swears her stuffed animal speaks to her at night. katherine tim from national review. made it wood and up to no good. he is our liberal panel, he's back. boo on him. >> shut up. >> i want to go to you first. i feel like we have spent 7 years hammering the media for carrying obama's water. i am not going to turn around and carry trump's water when he says stuff about mccain. i don't understand how people can say it's just being brash. am i wrong? >> not at all. at the end of the day think about what he said about senator mccain. mccain isn't one of the senators
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trying to run against him for president. i don't know if he knows that. he's doing a good job with perry at one percent. at the end of the day, i lost my leg in afghanistan, i hope he doesn't store me under for that. i want to know, duckie, with my legs here, am i a failure? am i an under achiever? >> your legs got captured. >> he likes the veterans that bring their legs back with them. maybe if he is president he will take care of that. >> veterans like him, though. oh oo active duty and retired veteran proos he fer trump to john mccain? is that because his views? no. two reasons. one it is thrilling to listen to a man say what he thinks. nobody else does. two the people who run everything have failed demonstrablebly. funding this question on fake money from the feds, no.
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he's not more ludicrous than they are actually. >> he is not more ludicrous than ludicrous the wrapper. >> i miss ludicrous. speaking of rude chris. trump banned this iowa paper from his events. because they are mean to him. his supporters praise him for being really blunt. if anybody is blunt to him he's very sensitive. >> you have ton willing to take what you serve. >> speaking as a waiter and bartender. >> i give you food you give me a tip. this makes no sense. people are going to rit size you like you have been criticizing other people. you have to take it because the way he is, he will hear something he doesn't like that will give him more ammunition to come back and make another point he thinks is astute. bring him in. >> katherine you are waving at me. >> yes, yes, i am. i don't think you are giving him enough credit for not being so kind to people who don't like him.
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i found a tweet september 11th, 2015, where he said i would like to extend my best wishes to all even the haters and losers on this special event. i don't know why anybody would say he is crazy. >> liberals must be ecstatic over trump. he's taking a lot of attention away from your party. they are a miess right now unti hillary's e-mails came out again. >> donald trump is everything i could want in a republican candidate. once dennis rodman becomes his vice presidential candidate he can't lose. listen to me fox news people. vote for trump. >> you have to admit you have your own trump. you have bernie sanders who you coddle. >> we have no one nearly as entertaining as donald trump. we don't coddle bernie sanders.
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president sanders will do a great job. he will turn this country around. let's not talk about democrats. let's talk about donald trump and why everyone should vote for him fox people. >> shut up you stupid wall. >> bernie sanders like you have never heard before. dave's been working on his game, and starting each day with a delicious bowl of heart healthy kellogg's raisin bran. how's your cereal? sweet! tastes like winning. how would you know what winning tastes like? invest in your heart health, with kellogg's raisin bran. no crying today... do you suffer from constipation or irregularity? trust dulcolax® for dependable relief. try free at dulcolaxoffers.com dulcolax® stool softner makes it easier to go comfortably. hurry! try free at dulcolaxoffers.com. dulcolax®. designed for dependable relief.
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>> donald hogged the spotlight. we forget there's a whole other equally evil party out there. let's check in on... >> that thing we found this week is the bernie sanders album he made it back in 1997 when folk was king and i was dating sharyl lean polton. here with this land is your land the sounds of bernie sanders. >> i went walking that ribbon of highway i saw above me that endless skyway. i saw below me that golden
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valley. this land was made for you and me. ♪ this land is your land >> i think that's probably enough. feel the need to inject a pachuli. >> it is easy to laugh think because it is easy to laugh at this. but it is also beautiful. >> whenever i hear folk music you know what i think? if i had a hammer. >> i was in high school fwh 1987 it was not the dominant genre. i grew up with liberals who liked folk music and were afraid of microwave ovens they thought they were nuclear. i mock them. i still do. what a better species of liberals we had than now. >> they are like our folk music players without the folk music. they just say things. >> they are members of the red
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guard cultural revolution getting people fired for having the views. i like the old fashioned passive stinky liberals. >> at least he's got a nice kind of harmless hobby. >> his folks music should say on in the pret troe fitted prius where i live we will get back to what we need to get done. >> you know what i like he's very pro second amendment where everybody kills things in vermont. >> capitalists play golf an a anarchists designate against cop cars progressives into folk music. >> just because you are into folk music is becaudoesn't mean should record an album. everyone humor him. there are actual artists who would love to record an album who can no the afford it. he should be giving some of his money to the artists spread the
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wealth around and encourage the artist community to come forward. >> her poll numbers have democrats biting her nails. she was before uber before she was against it. private e-mail accounts could be t her undoing. where she killed a family of three in carson city. kidding. that didn't happen. don't call me. what do you think tucker? >> i see them as pretty confident. >> they think they have demographics on their side. they think they will get a big percentage of women. >> her poll numbers are way down. >> i am lying. >> they are not. she is very popular. >> every person i hear or talk to not one of them makes a case for their candidacy. they say things like she understands me like a woman. >> she is like the wealthy lady with the dog that steals your
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cat. >> she is like an upper east side socialist who breaks winds in the elevator and blames you. that happened, america. not by her, though. what do you think of her? in the sweet state she is being beaten by republicans. >> the latest poll is she doesn't do well on honest and trust worthyness. she is a politician. i don't know many that do. uber is really curious. sometimes liberals can make an inequality where one doesn't exist. if you are an uber driver and you are being labor intensive you turn your phone app off. i don't understand why uber is auch -- only she should have a driver. they have dom mock tized chauffeur. we need a chauffeur for 15, 20
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minutes. when you get into an you beer car you fileic you are getting -- i demand a mint the moment i sit down. katherine, what do you think they are strategy will be with the e-mails? i think she is going to rely on her gender completely. >> she has an interesting strategy for avoiding having problems with cscandals. she had so many of them people are like oh, yeah, another scandal. i really judge anybody who is going to vote with her. peas people have -- i bess you are sticking to her 2010. >> first of all let me talk about uber. what does capitalism do except make products and services better?
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>> that's true. >> i don't understand what you people are talking about. i cannot wait to vote for hillary clinton and bernie sanders. both of them. >> that would be a great ticket. >> sanders clinton. >> yeah. >> i would vote for it. >> i just want to add see if i can get this in everybody watching vote done bald trump. first our olympic hopefuls. oo tonight's event urbanczyking. i love this. i love this. >> are you all why are all these people so asleep, yet i'm so awake? did you know your brain has two systems? one helps keep you awake- the other helps you sleep. science suggests when you have insomnia,
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>> now the segment that is business in the front but party in the back. it is the news lumullet. nice. first the business. the pentagon is asking armed volunteers to drop the guns outside of military recruitment centers. civilians have been guarding them nationwide in the wake of the tennessee terror attack. defense secretary ashton carter says the government is using other options to enhance security. governors in other states have arming of personnel at local
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recruiting centers. obviously you came have a very risky place. now it is kind of risky here. how do you feel about civilians taking the responsibility? was that wise? >> i am a civilian now. if you go through a recruiting station where i joined there's bubba standing there with a sawed off shot gun. these recruiters can't put bars on their windows and have a security guard up front. they are trying to get the cream of the crop like me to be a military and be a part of their foal. at the end of the day you can't throw up a bunch of blockades and hope people join. the next logical step is to arm them especially when they are going called out on social media and every where. for the civilians it's a great gesture. if you arm the recruiters they are going to get trained for that environment and they will be beyond a guy carrying a pistol on his side.
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if you see some of the pictures it is really funny. it is hilarious. >> i argue in the strip malls there are far more dangerous things. there are coin operated horses. have you ever tried to ride one of those? >> i did the other day. >> i was thrown off had a semi permanent head injury. >> bucked me across the parking lo the. >> you are more likely to die in the shower than a recruiting center. it doesn't lessen the tragedy. it does say something ominous that people veterans feel like america is so out of control the military can't even protect themselves in our own country. whether it is real or not is another question. the fact that people feel that way suggests a real lied. >> what's wrong with one gun? >> there's probably things. i have never held one before. i grew up in jersey. i am a shore girl. >> you only held 16 ounce beers.
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>> taped them to your hand. so you don't drop it. i am tired of speaking to our lawmakers and other people who really don't know anything about this what we should do. how about we talk to our veterans and see if they are the ones who want guns in these recruitment centers or not. i feel like we are not hearing them enough and we need their voices to be heard more. >> interesting point to make. katherine there are assumptions more guns in the mall would rupp the i srisk of somebody being s. that's factually untrue. >> i am confused how all of these shootings keep happening in gun free zones. guns are not allowed there. if guns aren't allowed there's not going to be any guns, clearly. >> according to research where there are guns there are fewer gun attacks. >> an armed society is a polite society. >> a study showed they prefer to target people who aren't armed. >> wouldn't you? >> that's how i spend my afternoons.
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that's it for the serious part of the news mullet. now the party. >> anthony weiner he hand his manicured crotch got a new job. it's at a pr firm spes liedzing in crisis management. the guy who had to resign for tweeting pictures of his primped privates will be advising the firm's board. that's not a euphemism. joe ann, how does keep finding work sng it's amazing. oo you've to know the right people. it's not what you know it's who you know. that's what they say. there are politics every where even in politics. we think we have seen the best scandal from him? no there's more to come. as soon as people are given a little bit of authority they think they are invincible and they start getting really lazy. we are going to see more
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pictures. i am looking forward to it. >> here is a guy who couldn't manage his own life is going to help people manage theirs. he is totally by definition unqualified. turns out when people are in trouble they don't want good advice they don't want to be judged. >> anthony weiner is the one guy who won't judge you. >> he sent naked pictures of himself on twitter. >> wouldn't it be great if the person in crisis goes i feel awful. he immediately sends a picture of his crotch. this will make you feel better totally shaved. you know what i think? this is a guy who should not be working at home. when he is alone -- you have to get him in an office with a glass door. maybe a cubical so he can't lock the door and say i am making a nap. >> in the military lead by example lead by the front.
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i don't think it is frontal nudity. >> we joke he's an expert in crisis but he makes the crisis first. >> i just got done vomiting from hearing the phrase manicured crotch. >> i don't know. people still kind of like him and think he's funny. i think he's great at not good at hiding things. the cia shouldn't hire him. pr is kind of the right move. good luck. >> this would never happen to a conservative. he's a liberal. he has a lot fdz friends in my pla high places. it will prevent your company from being hacked. he will never not have a job because he knows all of the right people. it is like hiring ted bundy to be the star of the bachelor. no one is safe. >> the done another party -- donner party to run pita. >> they eat humans, too.
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>> if you think about what you want when your life is collapsing and you have tweeted naked pictures of yao you are self. >> sem my naked. >> i was wearing a tan body suit. liberal panel as a wall you have seen a lot of people do many things. is it time to for give anthony weiner or is there anything to forgi forgive? he is a liberal and has no values whatsoever. >> as a no penis american. i did not judge wiener too hard. >> you should be ashamed of yourself. if you have a penis related scandal you want someone with experience in pr with penis response. >> thank you for saying that word at least four times. but it is 10:00. still ahead vampire rights and do we need a potato chip that tastes like a rubin? i say yes. i am a big fan of a rubin
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>> the following may be offensive to a select frew. we pause for this trigger warning. it's in the line through out history. these pale humans are even burned at the stake. we shed light on the bigotry. p dj williams of idaho state university people who identify as real vampires risk ridicule and diagnosis for mental illness. they are really successful ordinary people and shouldn't be blamed for their blood less quote they believe they awere born that way. they found 11 people that self identify as ta vampire.
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it is a con sen shoes and ethical one. where are they and how do we accommodate their concerns when the time comes? do we develop garlic free zones? should stores remain open 24-hours so they can shop at night and avoid evil sunlight they can trigger traumatic memories. what about the crucifixion around your neck? should your cross be their crass to beaare. it is not who you know but who you want to be. in if the age of identity obsessions there are three easy steps self identify demand sensitivity. we will mace tick this as empty and appeasing the only. which is why i am a leprechaun and if i don't get my daily pot of gold you are leprechaunists. >> sucktucker requeswhy not vam?
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>> trigger warning was funny took me a while. >> in 20-years we will go back and say you are vampire i say. they will be marrying mummies in vermont. >> when did jungle owes been a persecuted group. group. people go after them>> we are going to look back on this moment 2015 as the fever pitch of insanity before somebody stands up. knotted all 320 million of you can be victims at the same time. >> instead of their own individual identity they have chosen group identity which creates factions that will war upon themselves. it will happen on the left but on the right, because we don't care any more. we don't care if you think we are racist. it will turn on the left. this opens the door in my opinion to zombies which will then cause an end to cremation
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and burial and will have to be freezing corpses because we will never really know if they are dead. >> i am going to do the world a favor and say if you drink blood you are weird. yes i judge. you everyone judges you. i am allowed to judge because drinking blood is objectively weird. >> i think that is bigotry what she just did, right? >> if you drink blood, honestly pi peta has a problem with you. if you side with them the world is har moan nows. >> they are drinking human blood. >> that makes them a culprit. i will be volunteer to be a part of the vampire hunters. i was a big fan of buffy. >> who wasn't. i think you are right it's the end of identity. now anybodying join even you. >> isn't there something nice
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about not telling everyone what you are and not being accepted. i like to refrain from telling people about my theater background because it's a secret club we are a part of. >> it is annoying when you talk about it. >> exactly. i don't want to be joked of on national tv. >> it is sunday night. the draum gnaw club is the annoying group identity you can be a part of. >> we know that. >> you all become actors and waiters. >> yes. >> liberal panel have you ever thought about organizing other pieces of wood? >> yes. i am trying to get all to support me. i worship secular humanism. >> very good. i am not surprised that. up next find out which candidate already locked my vote. first these messages. >> there are plenty of fish in the presidential sea and hooking a good one can get pretty
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going to play the sound track of your life what would the band be? >> van halen. >> if you stopped there you would have had my vote. >> doesn't matter if it is david lee or sammy. either one. >> that's where you lost me. doesn't matter if it is dave or sammy? america cannot afford to have a president who waffles on the issue between two singers. i tell you what the difference is between dave and sammy it's a difference between getting my voted and losing my vote. you scott walker have lost my vote. >> tucker, eye wasi was a huge of scott walker. van halen will david lee rock is different than van halen with sammy hagar. that's idea ottic. >> it is insane. pushing the limit. i agree with that. >> it is not a small thing either. >> na lot of 50-year-old men upset about it. >> like not knowing the
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difference between sunni and shiite. >> some days are shun, some days are shiites. that's how it goes. >> i don't know what that means. >> you have to right it out. it's a veteran thing. it's not journey or ac/dc where you can say it kind of sounds the same. it's different. i want to stick with reo speed wagon and take it on the run. >> very good. nice. >> joanne, you weren't born when van halen was here. sammy hagar was in a band called montrose. he had a solo act he did a song called red which i happened to like. when they had a falling out with david lee roth, sammy jumped in. sammy was okay. they were heavy on the sin thighser. i wasn't a fan of that. they had a falling out. i prefer to ignore that part of the van halen -- >> i prefer to ignore the topic.
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you know who lost my vote is marco rubio. he pronounced chipotle tchipolt. >> maybe he is right and your i don't think. >> i don't know if understand who van halen is and how important they are. >> i know it's something that dads who are trying to be cool like, say they like. >> dads trying to be cool they like nirvana. >> no. i like nirvana. i love nirvana. my mom took them the cd's when i was 15 because she thought they were making me sad. >> you are really a sad person now. >> turns out i was born that way. >> that's true. >> liberal panel, i am going to
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test you. can you name all of the van halen singers? >> first of all i am only a fan of spoken word folk music. van halen is the sound track offal hammism. ---al all h hall ichl /* /- alcoholism. >> david lee rock gary sharon from extreme, one left mitch molloy came in the 90's after sammy hagar. i don't think he ever recorded with them. kind of sad. let me ask you something. bowe bergdahl was picked up in a pot farm or something. have you heard about this? >> if he has been in afghanistan he's under performing because the gallons of tons of black tar they had to burn there's a serious opium problem. pot is his flavor. in all seriousness, this guy is responsible for american deaths. that's how i feel about it. i take big issue with the fact
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>> the flair contest. the person who created the winning flavor based on fan voting takes on a million dollars and the shame of knowing they created a monster. the flavors include west coast truffle fried. southern biscuits and gravy which i have here new york rubin which i tried. vomited. greektown gyro. or is it gyro. i kid. each one of you has a different flavor. i don't know, i would ask you to
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taste them. i don't care. is there any kind of flavor you would like? >> absolutely. >> chik-fil-a sauce. i grave it all of the time. >> chik-fil-a sauce. >> tucker? >> pumpkin spice. shouldn't just be for latte. it would be cheaper and better for you than the starbucks version. >> it tastes pretty good, too. >> joanne usually eat stuff like this and throw it up. so the flavor has to be twice as good. >> i am going to taste it twice. >> as a millennial my flavor would be brunch. it would taste like bloody marries maple syrup and regrets. >> you don't have any chips. >> i just want the chips to taste as disgusting as possible. i hate when i eat chips. i eat the whole bag i wish i would have gotten the family bag. then you are like i did. >> you ever dip them in ice
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cream? >> no, but, yeah. >> do you eat chips wood chips? >> i do like a nice sour cream and klonopin. if they came out with a laser to for my taste quiche. >> something you can spend your food stamps on. >> you mean my delicious federally funded freedom food tickets? >> exactly. food freedom tickets. i have had enough of you. i am going to eat these southern biscuits and gravy and cry myself to sleep. my thanks to you. i love you america. >> that was a good show today. >> you will real good moments there. >> i think i was on fire. thanks. >> you want to hang out a little
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listen to tunes. >> that would be great. >> i got something really good right here. listen. >> yeah. ♪ this land is your land tonight on "red eye." are there too many cooks or could one more cook spice things up just right? americans are outraged over the murder of cecil the lion, but how are zimbabwe residents taking the news? we find out. and trying to hire an indian waiter. that's why you should always buy american. first, a news break.
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