i'm greg gutfeld. here's what's coming up. one minute pope francis warns of the dangers of politicizing everything. the next thing john boehner resigns. coincidence or divine intervention? what if the next dalai lama is a woman? it's been five days. what happened to the charmed life? an exclusive report this hour. let's get this show started. i've got to be somewhere in an hour. >> where is the level of professionalism that you expect? >> i just think it's something to fill up a 24-hour news cycle. >> at some point you have to have a plan. >> i don't think he really knows what to do.

>> i think he's surprised about that. >> you know, after you drink a lot, you swear you're never going to drink again? it's the same thing with the debate. one long debate hangover. so fraught with nausea, we rehydrate and say to ourselves, never again. why not take stock? where are we in this mess? who's left? who shouldn't be here? to quote a bartender, you don't have to go home, guys, but you can't stay here. as we swear off the sauce forever, remember, suddenly the hangover always fades, and then you're ready to get back on that horse and look at the menu. first dr. ben gets bombed on islam. >> do you believe that islam is consistent with the constitution? >> no, i don't. i do not. i would not advocate we put a muslim in charge of this nation. i absolutely would not agree with that.

>> that's the opposite of ambiguous. as carson stands firm, walker walks off. >> i will suspend my campaign immediately. i encourage other republican presidential candidates to consider doing the same. >> amazing applause. anyway, then the weeping sherbet follows. >> just a few minutes ago, speaker boehner announced he will be resigning. [ applause ] >> that's just mean. truly, it was the boehner of their existence. and then another lump comes from trump. >> i mean, like you have this clown marco rubio. i've been so nice to him. i've been so nice. i've been so nice. >> he really has. that didn't end well. and then cruz lights a fuse. >> if you vote for me, under no circle nation led by a

theocratic ayatollah who chants death to america, under no circumstances will iran be allowed to acquire nuclear weapons. if the ayatollah doesn't understand that, we may have to help introduce him to the 72 vir jins. >> what does he mean by that? over the top? maybe. speaking the language that iran's extremist might understand? perhaps. at least something positive came along. >> buenos dias. >> if only he could run for president. but he wasn't born here. not like that matters. am i right? but even with the pope, things got polarizing. his stance on climate change is portrayed as moral by those who politicize it every day. the coverage was nonstop, like we were tracking a package, and not a pope. but it was a nice break from the nonstop fighting among republicans. imagine a bathroom wall where the graffiti keeps changing.

that's the 2016 race thanks to twitter. it's bad in that the petty fighting is turning friends into enemies. for you boomers, jerry lewis and dean martin. we attack ourselves and not our adversariys. now everyone can fight, and fight back. for now, let's pace ourselves, binging early is always bad. it's like getting trashed at the tailgate and then sleeping through the game. except here you might wake up to president sanders or clinton. now, that's a hangover. let's get to my guests here in the studio in a moment. they're great guests. but first, let's go to the d.c. bureau and get the thoughts from jonah goldberg. first off, summer's over, the fall's begun. it's time to take stock. what is your take? what's your inventory so far? >> on the presidential election? or just on my daily drinking? >> both, actually.

>> the two are actually very closely related. look, i think that the reason why scott walker dropped out was -- is by his own hand. i don't think all these guys need to be dropping out only after the second debate. the problem for walkerad staffed up like a front-runner and had a burn rate of $1 million or $2 million a week, and he couldn't sustain it. rubio and jindal, they're living off the land, being smart about their money and can hang around for a while. what a lot of them are waiting to do is see if jeb bush drops out. and then all of a sudden one of them can sort of spring ahead, kind of like in nascar where you coast behind the guy in front. >> i don't follow that sport, jonah. i don't even know what you're talking about. >> you must have seen days of thunder movie. >> i want to talk about john boehner and the applause. is that celebration a bit premature? >> well, yeah, look, it depends

who replaces him. it's entirely possible that if you hate -- and a lot of people do, if you hate republican leadership, if you think they're all evil, horrible no-goods, boehner leaving only to have the existing leadership team promoted one step up, it means all the things you hate about leadership was just rewarded. i like mccarthy. i don't know that we couldn't do better, but we could do worse. the people who hate the establishment and how evil it is, what they may have done is cleared a path for kevin mccarthy to take over. >> he's more to the left of boehner. >> correct. >> what about this fracturing that you're talking about? is this a permanent thing among the republican party? >> i hope it's not permanent. if it is, my only advice is, buy gold. but i do think what we're actually seeing is a delayed bush backlash.

bush did all sorts of structural damage to the psychology of the republican party and conservative movement. and the one that really messed things up is barack obama, who spent his presidency like a troll, driving the republicans batty. republicans don't know how to respond to him, because he hasn't played by the rules. and he's gone around the constitution, gone around congress. and in response, republicans are starting to say, we have to do that, too, fight fire with fire. >> that's true. i think that's the lesson we're learning is that now we fight dirty. jonah, i'm going to leave you there. go resume your heavy drinking somewhere, and have one or two on me. all right. let's welcome tonight's guests. every time this man opens his mouth, an angel gets headlights. gavin mcginnis. she's so adorable, she belts rainbows. and internet action force editor

in chief. i don't know what that is. part of her probation is that she sit here and not stab anyone. and our op-ed national review. and finally, made of wood, up to no good. the liberal panel. >> boo! >> shut up, liberal panel. i didn't even ask you a question yet. i want to go to carrie first. you're the most normal person here. meaning probably -- >> that's not saying anything. >> i know. she's probably the least political. you live in l.a. you do tv sthoes. >> so instantly i know nothing. >> no -- >> you're fired. >> have you been paying attention? and what are your -- what's your assessment so far? >> i don't know. what exactly are you referring to?

>> where do you see this going? >> the -- >> the race. >> racism is bad. so we probably shouldn't do that first and foremost. it's hysterical that most of the people getting the attention right now are the people that are just sort of celebrities, and not really politicians. i think that's fascinating to me. and that also tells you where we are in the world right now. that celebrities are more fun to watch. >> you just kind of underlined something that i've been thinking, that because donald trump is upstream from politics, in culture, he is providing a way into politics that we've not seen among the republican party. all right, gavin, i'll go to you. you are a big cruz lover. >> yes. >> you love to cruise. >> i love cruising. >> like cruise in bars and stuff? what are we talking about cruising? >> every possible facet. >> what do you make of this kind of threat to iran? i have a theory on it. but i want to hear yours. >> i think cruz recognizes that

the majority of the american public is really disturbed by that deal. and he says, i'm on the same page as you. >> my theory is that we have been -- we spent so much time watching other countries burn flags and scream in the streets, it's time we have our own craziness, that could be it. or he was trying to get headlines. >> i think he's right. it's time to cut the cord. this relationship is not working out. >> oh, right, well -- >> you're dumped. >> two metaphors that didn't quite go together. but -- >> you're wrong. >> am i wrong? >> yes. >> you must be jealous that we have so many qualified candidates. and you can't even cobble up one. >> i love watching the republican party have a panic attack. it's the best -- it's really crazy. i find myself as a liberal heart throb defending people like scott walker, who like on paper he's a great candidate. he was an executive of a blue state, solid anti-union cred, and could be a candidate who could get a national consensus.

i think you could draw some conservative democrats. but he's gone now. you guys are screwed. >> i love the fact that when it comes to the left, it's patriotic, but to the left it's a panic attack. >> you guys are having a spirited dialogue. >> thank you. thank you. joann, you are obviously a veteran of pageants. should this be more of a pan pageant? >> we do fling a lot of nasty comments to each other, but we do it in a nice way, you know? our insults are disguised. >> right. >> as pleasantries. which i think the candidates need to work on a little bit. i think what will really unify the republican party is the democrats. because we have their first debate coming up, there hasn't been one yet. so there hasn't been enough material for everyone to kind of gather together, and say, america, huh-uh, don't look at

that. we need to unify and promote our party. >> that's a good point. katherine, what are your thoughts on the state of politics? >> i just need to l-o-l so i don't c-r-y. no, it's funny, great for tweets, great for making jokes. it's great that people are paying attention to politics for once. but it is kind of a mess. i don't know what we're really solving, or if we're going to be able to solve anything. >> that's kind of a downer. >> yeah, that's me. >> there haven't been any democratic debates. do you really need them, given the fact that you're going to do anything debbie wasserman schultz tells you to do? >> people are actually talking about what's going on in the world. policy ideas, rather than just celebrities debating each other who have no understanding of the constitution, no understanding how the country works, never been elected to anything.

>> what are you talking about? never been elected to anything? what are you talking about? >> donald trump, ben carson. >> ben carson is actually a neurosurgeon. that's actually more valuable than a politician. i can't believe i'm talking to you. >> he can separate conjoined twins, that's a great resume piece for a white house run. >> i guess being a community organizer makes you even more qualified. >> jesus was a community organizer. >> oh, don't bring him into this, just to save your paltry arguments. >> isn't that what you people do? how many times do you say god in a political speech? >> i have a theory on scott walker. you know when you're at a bar -- this is to men, so this is a sexist argument -- and you want to talk to a woman at a bar and you're about to, but some other guy comes, and he's like a big jock with a rolex. scott walker just decided, ah, i'm leaving the bar. the guy approaching the bar is donald trump. >> that's a great analogy.

because that guy would have to spend tons of money on drinks to compete. and scott walker quit because he's cheap. he didn't spend money on consultants. he said, this is getting too expensive. which is ironic, because a fiscal conservative is what we need, and he dropped out because he wouldn't spend the money. >> that's a sad state of affairs. a theory about the pope, old people, and kittens. style to c. style to c. when you're not confident your company's data is secure, the possibility of a breach can quickly become the only thing you think about. that's where at&t can help. at at&t we monitor our network traffic so we can see things others can't. mitigating risks across your business. leaving you free to focus on what matters most.

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. you and i will be old one day. i'm pretty sure i'm right about this. we're not going to like the way we're being treated, because no one respects the wrinkles. we're a culture that caters to its youth and forgets igts elders. we used to say with age comes wisdom, now it's reversed. we think young people hold the truth and old people need the education. the pope agrees with me. pope francis said seniors are part of a throwaway culture. he speaks before congress, calling the elderly, quote, a store house of wisdom who could teach the rest of us something valuable. who revolutionized childbirth? your mother didn't die during

it? some old person. who created the bridges getting you to and from rehab? an old person. who fought the war so you could sit in footsie pajamas? an old person. who cured polio, stopped measles and created alcohol? you can thank old and likely dead people. here's the point. we discriminate against age, but age doesn't discriminate. black, white, man, woman, gay, straight, christian, muslim, we're all going to show age at some point. so show some respect, you kids! and get off my lawn! you're the normal person here. >> that's great. >> wasn't it refreshing? nobody defends old people anymore. >> everybody that you mentioned probably did all those things when they were in their 30s. >> not all of them. that's probably true.

but the thing is, we forget that they did something. fought wars or cured things in their 30s. now that they're old, we -- >> you know why? why have they done for me lately? >> that is so true. >> it's really very sad. >> yeah, it's sad. when i was a child, john, we used to walk around, and i thought that old people were always old. that they were like -- your grandmother was always a grandmother. that's how we kind of think now. am i right, you left-wink -- left-wing pinko? >> the elderly should be sold for dog food. right? dog food. >> you're a terrible person. >> in a conservative culture, there is importance put on the family. and old people stay with the young people. centenarians are exclusively healthier when they're around kids. they don't go senile or get

alzheimer's. when you put people in old folks' homes, it literally made them go crazy. >> children like cross word puzzles for the elderly. >> totally. >> joann, oddly enough, it's your birthday today. >> it is. >> actually, it was yesterday. >> yes. >> you're a day older than you were yesterday. does it bother you that you will age and eventually treated as less respect as you are now, as a beautiful young woman? >> i plan on staying -- once i reach 29, i plan on staying there. >> yes? >> for forever. but you know what, i totally agree with gavin, it's the idea of the family values that's totally disintegrated. which the only good thing about that is, i don't know that we'll ever really have another plague. because family members don't like to care for ill family members anymore. we ship them off to hospice, to hospitals. because we don't want to touch anyone. we don't want to care for anyone. in that sense, it will help humanity go on. >> you know what's happening with boomers?

they are getting older now and their hatred of the old is turning on themselves. they're saying, don't call me grandma, and i'm not coming by to be around the kids. they are putting themselves in homes. >> and they invented the whole, like youth culture, the whole obsession, the whole idea that teens are magical creatures, and they're not. but they were the beta testers for that, and now they're turning on them. >> i don't think you could get your mom to stay with you when she's 90s. because she'll say, i'm gross, you're old, look away. >> the pc movement exists for young people to educate old people on the racism and bigotry. for example, the intolerance to humor on campus is basically saying, your jokes aren't funny because you're old and racist. it was also the only thing the pope said that you couldn't politicize, and that's why i don't think anybody talked about

it. speaking of, america seems to see everything through a political lens. did you notice i transitioned like that? the pope's remarks this week were coopted by one party or another. a republican position, climate change, that's one for the dems. this is happening all the time. i want to go to you, kat. what makes the pope so special to you? >> very qualified. he's ban priest. he's been a bishop. he was also a bouncer at atclub he was in college. >> that's actually an unspoken rule in many jobs, is if you want to hire somebody good, you hire them from the restaurant industry. >> physically as a bouncer, if you can guide these drunk girls with no shoes crying, where's my friend? you can guide us all. >> that is true. he probably had a good heart when he was doing that. liberal panel, i bet you ignored this part of the pope's speech. i referred to you because you couldn't turn it into some ideological pot shot.

>> like the republicans have done with the pope visiting like he was somehow speaking from the left when it was clear he was speaking from the bible? >> really? >> that's exactly what was happening. >> was climate change in the bible? >> it doesn't talk about abortion and gay rights. it talks about the climate, the poor, the homeless, the needy. that's the message from the pope. >> the climate? >> the environment. >> come on. >> okay. >> oh, my god. oh, i didn't mean to say that. it was weird. you know what happened? the pope would say something moral, and then it was like -- you know what it was? it was like a hotel flashlight that you can tell what your ideology is. when the pope would say something, you would find out who the liberal was and who the republican was by how they reacted what the pope said. >> i was picturing a black light and i got a whole different -- >> my metaphors should probably

be shelved. i like new york city, it's wildlife. finally a video that encapsulates all of these qualities. one of an inner city rodent struggling with a slice of pizza. and it went viral. do you have any idea what fame has done to this rat? our latest installment of where are they now. >> if you haven't heard the phrase the struggle is real, well, take a look at this. a rat carrying an entire slice of pizza down the stairs to the subway in new york city. his determination lauded worldwide with the #pizza rat. it was trending all over the internet, and now you can see why. ee why. >> that was on tu >> that was on tuesday. within minutes the internet hwet viral. was he bringing food home to the ninja turtles? has mayor bill de blasio failed

new york again? it didn't matter for the star. after the twitter verse nicknamed him pizza rat, he couldn't go out in public without someone buying him a slice. he quickly ballooned to over 1,200 pounds. later he appeared on nbc's "the biggest loser" and won the grand prize. sadly it was taken away after he confessed to cheating. he had had his stomach stapled. he's already working on a feature film. the famous rodent will be voiced by john ratsenberger who seems thrilled about the project. >> it's a real treat for me. it really is. >> this has been a "where are they now?" >> definitely a touching moment. still to come, kids who make clocks that look like bombs. if you leave now, i won't pick up your dry cleaning like i promised. ladies. ladies. ladies. just like eddie, the first step to reaching your retirement goals is to visualize them. then, let the principal help you get there.

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just like eddie, the first step to reaching your retirement goals is to visualize them. then, let the principal help you get there. join us as we celebrate eddie's retirement, and start planning your own. i heard about a man and his clock, which means it's time for the media to -- 14-year-old ahmed muhammad was led out of school in handcuffs when he brought this to his school. said it was a clock. they thought it might be a bomb. i can't imagine why. it's clearly a clock. the story took off in the media, and ahmed had the starring role.

>> now we're going to talk with ahmed muhammad. >> before we start, i just have a quick note to your teacher, if they're watching. please don't be alarmed. this isn't a wall of explosives behind us. >> this isn't my first interview and it won't be my last invention. >> something tells me we have not heard the last from ahmed muhammad. >> not to mention mark zuckerberg offered him to visit facebook, whatever that is. microsoft sent him a bunch of free stuff. and the offer from the president himself to visit the white house. there must be no gray area in this story. this is what was said on realtime with bill maher. >> i talked to the people in the school district. the kid is super smart kid. science geek. we talked about science. but while i'm talking to him on the phone, and i asked him a question, tell me what happened, because i'm curious, right? his sister over his shoulder, you could hear, listening to the

question, giving him the answer. >> ahmed the sister told "the daily beast," i got suspended from school for three days for wanteding to blow up the school. her dad ran for president of sudan twice. ahmed's family removed him and his two siblings out of the irving school district because of religious persecution. and decided to home school them. which i happen to endorse completely. carrie? what do you make of this story? is this totally by the book, this actually happened, or is there b.s. detector going -- >> as soon as i saw this, and i saw everybody's reaction, it was like, this is borok in real life. so many people got involved emotionally with this kid. this is tragic what's happening to him. and we all got punked.

>> so you believe it's a hoax? >> yes. a hundred percent, i believe he's totally full of crap. >> wow. >> you can see it in how smug he is when he talks about what happened. >> wow. interesting. john, you disagree with carrie? >> completely. i disagree with everyone in this building. texans, they -- they're spoiling for a fight and seeing what they want to see in this case. let's say for the sake of argument that this kid is a sleeper terrorist. >> he's not! no one's saying that. >> let's say he is. in the worst way possible. >> that is exactly what -- >> you know? he kept pushing until it got hysteria. if a teach sees something like that, yes, call authorities. >> the teacher then called a bomb drill, gets all the kids out of the school and goes to protocol. >> but you can't shame the people who want to take those

steps. >> what you're saying is, you think he brought a bomb. what everybody else is saying is that he might have created a situation to create press. by the way, a friend of mine agrees with this completely. he compared it to the rosa park's bus incident which was also planned, that it was to create a momplt, because it expos exposes islam-phobia. >> that's the problem with that analogy, we don't have the suppressive islam-aphobic culture. they took advantage of that. you didn't mention that the dad claims to be this religious she sheikh who has no followers. he said, i'll be a lawyer, look at me, then the koran burned. he's been an attention hog for a long time. this is a long line of publicity stunts. >> even the president fell for it. >> i think that's the

assumptions people had about america. the other thing, too, joanne, ahmed is like -- it's like an oscar gift bag. every celebrity that gets near him gets a picture taken. >> that's part of the most dangerous thing about this whole situation is the fact that he's getting all of this media attention. he's getting gifts. he's getting flown out to places, getting all this exposure, so other kids in school are going to pull off hoaxes like this in the hopes that they will be rewarded. you cannot reward things like this. just because we have guilt for maybe how he was treated, you know, maybe it went a little too far with the police, handcuffing him or whatever. you cannot have the guilt over that and have this then be the response for the reward. >> it will make a good oliver stone movie some day. >> you know this is going to be a drunk episode. you know it. we are operating on an opinion that is shared by bill maher. but no one goes after bill maher

for this. katherine, is there any evidence to suggest the kid who seems like a nice kid, seems like a good kid, was actually looking for a little bit of hoopla, a little pr? >> according to the "dallas morning news," he showed the clock to his engineering teacher at the beginning of the day, engineering teacher said, cool, but maybe don't take that out anymore. it looks like a bomb, probably. but then went off and took it out and showed his english teacher. so he clearly wanted -- i don't know, he wanted to start some trouble. >> plugged it in in english clash and set off the alarm. >> really? >> yeah. >> what i don't get about this, why do some hoaxes blow up, and then other hoaxes like mattress girl get swept under the rug? this story is done now. >> the thing is, we still don't know. this has not been finished. i don't think we can call this a hoax, because we don't have verification. we can think that it was -- >> it's all about intention. you never know a person's real

intention. >> i want to go -- bring in the liberal panel. should ahmed be the democratic nominee for president? >> you wish. that's the only way republicans could win. this is insane. he was arrested. a 14-year-old kid arrested because of a ticking clock? a bomb ticks, too, a clock ticks, it must be a bomb. imagine if he were white or christian. what would happen then? >> getting sent home for pop tarts that look like guns. >> it might cause hysteria, that's a misdemeanor. >> you know you're talking to a piece of wood? >> you okay there? all right. i happen to believe that -- i don't know if it's a hoax. i think the media just wants it to be real so much. we will never know. that's my take -- >> it doesn't have to be a hoax or not. why is everyone so excited about someone who just moved the casings of a clock into a pencil

box, and why is the president inviting him to the white house? that doesn't have to be a hoax. >> last word? >> you guys are all completely correct. >> it's more likely prejudice than a conspiracy theory. >> all right. interesting point. although that is probably incorrect. but fair and balanced, that's how we do this show. and drunk. fair and balanced and drunk. still to come, the dalai lama, anderson cooper, and madonna. not all in the same story, although that would be pretty awesome. why do so many people choose aleve? it's the brand more doctors recommend for minor arthritis pain. plus, just two aleve can last all day. you'd need 6 tylenol arthritis to do that. aleve. all day strong. you get used to sweaty odors you think it smells fine, but your passengers smell this... eliminate odors you've gone noseblind to for up to 30 days with the febreze car vent clip

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♪ nationwide is on your morning ted! scott! ready to hit some balls? ooh! hey buddy, what's up? this is what it can be like to have shingles. oh, man. a painful, blistering rash. if you had chickenpox, the shingles virus is already inside you. 1 in 3 people will get shingles in their lifetime. after almost 3 weeks, i just really wanted to give it a shot. you know, i'm not feeling it today. talk to your doctor or pharmacist today about a vaccine that can help prevent shingles. beneath all this grace, he digs a pretty face. a speak of the dalai lama. he said he would be open to a female successor, but only if she was attractive. roll it, lance. >> a female.

>> really? you're joking, i'm assuming. oh, you're not joking? >> i don't joke. >> he's the greatest. i did some digging and i think he's wrong. consider these homely people who have done great things. john hamm for example became john draper. george clooney was batman. repulsive. of course, howard is a living legend. carrie, you are the homeliest person i've ever seen in my l e like -- >> he's the dalai lama. he's supposed to be this other worldly, no better than all of us, and he's like, yeah, she's got to be hot or no one's going to listen to her. >> in a way, john, isn't he just basically exposing the truth of all men, holy or not holy? >> the dalai lama is the head of

a patriarchal organization that liberals love. that bart part of the dark side the buddhist, it is a very patriarchal society. >> he's okay with having a female successor. >> but he's going to have to train her, you guys. he's going to have to spend a lot of time putting work into whoever is coming up next. >> gavin, i think you like this story. >> he's right in that it would be better for pr if she was pretty. this show isn't exactly dog town usa. >> you're so kind. >> thank you. >> that's how buddhism works. you don't just get to choose some hot mom's kid and say, how about her. you have to do a bunch of really dumb stuff. >> that's your opinion. >> no, it's not. >> keep in mind, what's attractive to the dalai lama may

not be what is considered attractive in western culture. >> that's an interesting point as well. >> some people like unibrows. >> universal. >> kat, thoughts? >> well, i don't know. i feel like people have a hard time listening to me because i am so attractive. >> oh, wow. >> that's something i really struggle with. nobody realizes how brilliant i am because they're too focused on my amazing looks. dalai lama, keep that in mind. >> let me ask the liberal panel, i can't help but think that allen combs, if he were here, he would be very upset at this story. >> thank god he's not. >> exactly. all right. you're much better than he is anyway, liberal panel. >> thank you. >> before we go to break, time for hard evidence. that's our 52-part series examining the disturbing story of a man named trevor.

the cia hired the assassin, and things take a turn for the incredible. >> july 20th, 1999, the secret was to help local authorities close in on trevor outside dallas, texas. but he refuses to go quietly and nearly breaks his leg. >> trevor really needed to learn a thing or two about how to fall and not get hurt. i could have helped him, if he'd only asked. >> intent on evading kaup tur, trevor steals an suv and pushes it to the limits. and he shakes instead of bakes, and disaster strikes. >> if trevor had lost an eye, leg or arm, it wouldn't have been such a big deal, you know? we can all be reconstructed. >> end of the line for trevor? or just the beginning of something much more incredible? what happened next will change everything forever.

>> looking great. a hard-hitting report on the most important story of the week. this is your last chance to do something right. hard night -- is a chance to do something right. 130 yards now... bill's got a very tough lie here... looks like we have some sort of sea monster in the water hazard here. i believe that's a "kraken", bruce. it looks like he's going to go with a nine iron. that may not be enough club... well he's definitely going to lose a stroke on this hole. if you're a golf commentator, you whisper. it's what you do. if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. it's what you do. this golf course is electric... i am totally blind. and sometimes i struggle to sleep at night, and stay awake during the day. this is called non-24. learn more by calling 844-824-2424.

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a oo what were the biggest story of the week? diane has been begging me to do a report on it so take it away. >> (indiscernible) >> thanks, greg. it is time for hard hitting news. i am coming at you from every angle. we begin with a hard hitting news that hits a man harder than anything like a boxer. cnn news anchor anderson cooper had a on stage spanking from

madonna. >> cooper will be moderating the fist democratic debate next month. he was not offered the same debate prep. he didn't actually say that. but i would be if i was him. speaking of hot and over rated starbucks has the toasted graham lat latte. not inspired lindsay graham which is unfortunate because he could use the help frankly. it is low sugar. low sugar option coming in at 40 grams of sugar. i fear for our future and you should, too. hopefully you will make it to your next birthday. hat peep birthday sopg is free for all to sing poorly. the copy right is invalid. no one should crop it as the

bummest song ever. it is 4 lines long and 3 of them are exactly the same line. nobody understand profits more than gizelle bunch on. the super model and wife of the most hated man in america has photographed modeling shots for $700. no, that must be 70. no? not a typo. $700. that book costs more than most coffee tables. don't buy it. and finally, wrapprapper chris may be banned from performing in u australia. back to you, greg. >> thank you. >> an interesting way of ending a segment. i see what you did with the chris brown joke? >> what did i do? >> i don't know. i don't know. anderson cooper if i were up there he would be all over the

place. >> if you were up there. there is more bias there. >> thank you so much. that was quite a report. >> up next, one more trip. in a f in a few week. you should reserve a copy now inbecause there is a huge state on it. 22 cities covering nine states. here are is look at some of the places i will be. go to my web site for more information. when you're not confident your company's data is secure, the possibility of a breach can quickly become the only thing you think about.

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♪i believe, i believe ♪yeah ♪rock guitar >> it was a she translating for

she and she became he. president obama held a joint news conference with chinese president she jeping. >> it was translated by a she. >> (indiscernible). >> biological she. how refreshing. why shouldn't it be a she who translated for a she. >> he started translating for she. she translated with god. she teamed to be -- the official translator was he a knee to go to sleech i was at jim

bore me. john sdoe bore. the literal earl panel. and tonight on "red eye," tom brady no longer endorses donald trump. tom, don't you want to make america great again? and jeb bush does the -- says the washington redskins shouldn't change their names because of the way it sounds. i completely agree, jeb, exclamation point. and closet doors everywhere have swung back open. our panel will provide frivoly and mirth. the u.s. coast guard finding a life ring from the missing cargo ship "el faro." the ship lost power,