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tv   Red Eye  FOX News  January 9, 2016 8:00pm-9:01pm PST

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>> special thanks to megan mccain, tom shillue, tucker carlson, remy spencer, joanne and catherine. i'm greg gutfeld and i love you, america, even more. welcome to "red eye." hello, everyone. i'm tom shillue. let's check in with tv's andy levy to see what let's discussing this evening. andy? >> thanks, tom. coming up on the big show ben carson has fifth graders point out the dumbest kid in their class. i thought trump was the bully. and tom brady's chef reveals his strict diet. it is not a surprise he cheats on sundays. and microsoft announces the 11th and current version of internet explorer will be the last so congratulations to netscape for winning the
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computer war. she nicknamed her the black dalia, joanne nosuchunsky. and he is my third favorite producer. tv, writer, producer and founder of ricochet.com, rob long. her tv show is garbage -- time. garbage time. sorry about that show. sorry about that pause. it is katie nolan. and the only thing lower than his voice or standard, next to me is comedian and host of the pod cast "we know nothing" sam morrell. let's start the show. ben carson's back. on thursday the retired neurosurgeon asked a group of kids who the worst student in their class was and they pointed to a fifth grader. the funny-sad moment came during a campaign rally in cedar rapids, iowa including students from a nearby
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school. take a look. >> as a fifth grade student i was a horrible student. anybody here in the fifth grade? who is the worst student? -- no. well, let me tell you -- >> notice the kid in the glasses , tie and vest has no problem outing his lower achieving classmate. carson went on to explain that he too was the once student in his class before turning around his academic career. later carson met with the bad student. >> you are going to be a neurosurgeon. >> wait a minute. we are supposed to blur his face. can we play that again? >> you are going to be a neurosurgeon, okay? you do that too, okay? >> we don't want to embarrass
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anyone. >> i don't know. >> i want to know what kid i don't want as my neurosurgeon. i want to know his face so if i ever need is a neurosurgeon in 20 years it is not that kid. >> you will probably be dead. >> he might be a great neurosurgeon like dr. ben carson who was a bad student. >> if i have a choice between pinky and the brain i pick the brain. forgive me. >> it is a great story and he wanted to share it with the students. i think it is inspiring. >> yeah, it is inspiring. does the kid point to himself or did he discover at that moment he is the moron in the class? wait, me? is he pointing to somebody else? what about her? we missed the drama. >> it was rather unanimous. that kid pointed, but every kid looked in the direction. they knew he was a bad student. maybe he is a troublemaker. katie, welcome to the show.
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>> thanks for having me. >> i don't think it is carson's fault. it is the cameraman's fault. he zoomed in on him. >> that's a weird choice to zoom in and then know you have to blur it out lately. producer probably hate him. if ben carson told me i would grow up to be like ben carson i would turn my academic career around immediately. >> i thought he inspires you. >> you should see when he is talking to him, you are going to grow up to be just like me and the kid is like, not a good -- >> the kid does president like school. and he is thinking i have to apply myself now. he is a goof off and he likes it. >> it pays to -- i was a goof off. it pays. you get to do "red eye." >> sam, why don't we go to you. you were a troubled youth, were you not? >> i still am. what they didn't show is after this ben carson went to make a
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wish and said who has the least time left? they all pointed to his campaign. saved it. saved it. >> it was a joke, tom. you don't analyze the material. i feel bad for kids. we tell kids they can be whatever they want and then we don't give them the odds. if i have a kid i will be honest. daddy, can i play in the nba? look, staw -- statistically it is possible, but look at this chart. i factored in your size and race and it does president -- doesn't look good. are you a tiny jew. i will be honest. >> he can grow taller. >> i am 6-3 and you have to be like 6-10. >> joanne, what do you think? dr. carson is an inspiration. any kid can grow up to be a president and a neurosurgeon. >> definitely. it is like with the lottery. somebody has to win. it might as well be me.
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we are missing the point of it. why is this one kid not doing well? common core. ben carson had a wonderful opportunity to talk about education and to blast common core for the fact that not every student learns the same way, and yet he completely missed that opportunity by talking about himself. >> he blew it. trump would not have let that one go. >> heck no. >> lessons learned. in other campaign news donald trump posted a new instagram video. it is very subtle. >> women's rights are human rights and human rights are women's rights once is for all. let's keep fighting for opportunity and dignity. >> they end the same way. >> katie, i thought that was an effective ad. >> i don't know if it did anything for me. there is a picture of her standing next to bill cosby. does that mean bill cosby is
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her fault? if you can get in trouble for the people you stand next to, you should move your chair away from me. it is a picture of her next to bill cosby. >> but she didn't do anything. she stood next to him and didn't do anything. she let it happen. >> oh yeah, it is all hillary's fault. >> it is not about bill cosby or hillary. it is about bill. it is time bill clinton, he has the rudeness and vulgarity to do. one because it is great and we will play it, and he is saying to the primary voters i will bring this up. don't worry. if you nominate me i will go there. the other candidates will tip toe around it and he will do it. >> trump is gonna go there? shocking. >> he is going there. >> the republican voters are most upset at people like romney who they feel didn't
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fight hard enough. >> trump will definitely give a fight. i like the ad. it makes other people uncomfortable. i feel like the person who loves this the most is anthony wiener forgetting more press. he is like, yea, i made it. >> he is not doing the stand up. >> i want to go to you, sam because i am going to read this first. are they playing a video game or worthy of a claim. the military drone pilots work far from the battlefield in windowless rooms in is you bauer bauer -- suburban america. now they are making them eligible for combat wars and medals. some actual combat veterans were unhappy giving medals to troops out of harm's way. with the military increasingly relying on drones and air warfare, they say people should be acknowledged andwarder
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contributions regardless of where they are located. we join the pentagon in honoring the drone operators. >> ♪ but somewhere to start ♪ no need to ask ♪ he's a -- >> drone ♪ operator. >> ♪ drone ♪ operator. >> a great video. >> was that daniel craig? >> i think that was a young daniel craig. >> i got my tickets to the drone awards already. i am excited for most kills in a windowless office as a category. >> but they have the psychological warfare, right? >> no question. look, they are definitely doing something. they will have different war stories. you see this scar? i tripped over a router. that's how i got it. >> it's true. i mean they are protected in there, but they are doing the
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work, and like the general said, right, katie? >> yeah, i mean i play a lot of call of duty, so this is exciting newt for me. i now have career as spragses. >> you could do it. >> i could maybe do it. >> you know what it takes? it takes judgment, right? >> i also don't know why anyone would sign up for any other kind of military job. if you can sit and push a button and be honored, why wouldn't you want to do that out of harm's way? >> how much different is it -- most of these guys, i think they are pilots that do this. they are high powered guys. >> in the middle of the country too. they are oklahoma or somewhere around there is where they control them all. >> it is just like the guys who flew the mission, but i think a lot of people when it became about air warfare people said what is it to drop a bomb on a city. >> people are shooting at you and there are a lot of fighter pilots that were shot down. the truth is who has been doing the most to keep the
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world safe or who is doing a part to keep the world safe? before when they didn't have it stucksnet was a virus that set them back 10 or 15 years. that person is a warrior. he is just kind of a nerd. >> they have the big guys who crack heads. >> we need them all. give everyone awards. why not? why is this a priority when we have veterans who are not being taken care of and the v.a. is a mess. priorities are just -- words are great, but does that really help out these people who help us and keep us secure. i don't know. >> common core, she is keeping it real. >> we need a smart person on the panel.
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>> there will be a situation where one of these guys in the drone will stop a war or something. of course you have to give them a medal. >> and it takes a huge toll on these guys. it is psychologically weird to go into -- you drop your kids off at school and you go into a darkroom and you are a warrior for eight, nine, ten hours and then you go home. it is very weird. they have a lot of trouble with -- >> why does it have to be a darkroom? why can't we give them lights? >> it is a moderately lit room. >> i would think it is going to be dim so we can see the monitors. >> the people's choice awards were interrupted when an audience member jumped on stage while co-hosts on "the talk" were accepting an award. >> we think of ourselves as kind of the odd balls of tv or we say we are like a motley crue. >> my name is [inaudible]. >> you cant gonna pull -- you
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ain't gonna pull no steve harvey in here. security! >> was he pulling a steve harvey? >> the stage crasher was later seen getting handcuffed by lapd. he told the reporter he pulls the stunt often. he crashed kris jenner's 60th birthday. he is trying to make a name for himself and he pulled this stunt to, quote, tell everybody who i was. see, he had a good reason for doing it. joanne, he is just trying to break into show business. >> a little self-promotion is wonderful. i love to see it unless i am accepting an award, then don't take my spotlight. we are missing the real point here. sharon osbourne assaulted a man on the stage. she kicked this man twice on stage. why is to one upset by that? she kicked him? >> yes! >> she softly kicked him. >> i get you are a mom and i
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think she was trying to pull a mom move like get outta there! but that was on camera. >> i don't know, sam, do these celebrities have a right to get awards unincome bettered by -- unem come bettered by -- >> who is getting these awards? don't they usually have to have manners. >> comedy club bouncers don't do a thing. she is there two seconds. >> how many times are you attacked on stage and the comedy club staff does nothing. >> i bombed in front of my mom because nobody was in the room. i like cheryl. >> katie, i think this guy deserves what he gets. >> so first of all i want to say i was disappointed. i thought maybe he was a "view" super fan because" the
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talk" got the award. i thought he was going to say i will let you finish, but "the view" is the best show. i googled him because he said he wanted his name to be out there. i found his instagram page. he doesn't have a single video of him rapp nie g and singing. i have no idea what he does. it is various pictures of him giving middle fingers to camera. >> it is justin bieber! >> you got your name out there and it is zakari or zachary i don't know how you say it. >> we should keep saying his name because we are doing him a service. >> who was the gal up on stage when kanye was up there? >> um, taylor swift. >> she had a couple of hits after that. >> but taylor got her first hit because she interrupted another person. >> rudeness begats rudeness. >> if he wants to become
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famous don't crash the people's choice awards. >> wait for the golden globes. >> the s.a.g. awards or the casting awards. like the last thing he crashed was 20 years ago he crashed kris jenner's birthday party or something? hello, i'm here. i came to play. i came to play, people. you had to think about how that joke worked. if you have to do that to get your talent out then there is a problem. there are a million ways to do it. you can put yourself on youtube and "america's got talent" and there are so many ways to be famous. >> there are so many ways. >> this is not a way. >> good lesson. coming up, the government releases new lie yet -- dietary guidelines. see if you have been eating enough soil and greens. doers. they don't worry if something's possible.
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life from america's news headquarters, i'm jackie ibanez. the winning numbers for the winning jackpot were chosen minutes ago. the numbers are 32, 16, 19, 57, 34, and the powerball number is 13. again, the numbers are 32, 16, 19, 57, 34, and the powerball number is 13. this jackpot is the largest u.s. lotto prize of all-time. if no one wins tonight, the pot is expected to grow to $1.3 billion. the man accused of shooting a philadelphia police officer has been charged with attempted murder. edward archer was denied bail pending a court hearing that would take place later this month.
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he allegedly fired a dozen rounds at the officer who survived the attack. joaquin el chapo guzman is back behind bars six months after escaping. now a federal official in mexico says his country is willing to hand him over to the u.s. but his attorney is challenging extradition. el chapo was recaptured yesterday after a shootout with mexican marines. the fbi arresting the one who robbed multiple jewelry stores in the south, including one just days ago. 24-year-old abigail lee camp, you see her there, had an accomplice. it's unclear how much was stolen, but the value is thought to be in the millions. and the next round of republican presidential debates, catch the undercard event this thursday night at 6:00 p.m. eastern time.
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the main debate will take place just moments after 9:00 eastern. i'm jackie ibanez. now back to "red eye." -- fox newschannel. new dietary guidelines were released by the u.s. department of agriculture and health and human services. and since everything the government says is unimpeachable fact let's go over them and follow them to the letter. first of all, there is a new limit for added sugar. less than 10% of your daily calories. i do that. next, coffee. drink it. it is good for you. well then i am starting to trust the government. next, cholesterol, stop worrying about it. they lifted their previous limit of 300 milligrams a day whatever that is. they should call this the shillue diet. generally i have coffee in the morning and alcohol at night and in between i have a steak. it confirms that i that i am doing everything right especially when i see the brady diet. they detailed the
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quarterback's diet and it is no fun. there is a lot of no's in there. no caffeine, no tomatoes, peppers or mushrooms. no flour or dairy or fruit. what does he eat? brown rice, quinoa, millets and beans. sound like a nightmare. i know he is a superstar multimillionaire who wakes up with a supermodel, but i would trade all of that for a baggette with butter. >> what is millet? >> i don't know. >> i thought it was millet. >> i don't research my pronunciations before the show. >> it is a grain. >> is it millet? >> it is millet. you were right because i assumed it was millet. >> and you nailed quinoa. it is making the rounds. >> everybody knows quinoa right now. >> he is supposed to eat meat and potatoes. >> he eats meat.
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he eats lean meat. it is working because his body is efficient. i'm just saying. >> sam -- >> it is not as firm as it should be. >> do you like most comedians in cyst on a diet of romin noodles and beer? >> i am on comedy club diet and i demand extra honey mustard with my chicken fingers when they say it costs extra i say it is a little bit. >> you go in the back room and the food is sitting there. >> i just did a club where it was a chef/manager. this is a well run chef right here. >> do you think all of this matters or does it matter only when you are in top condition like tom brady? >> nobody will get a [bleep] if he is the worst quarterback. he has five rings so people say what's your diet?
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when you have a personal chef it is there. it is easy. when you are a road comic and the only thing open at midnight is wendy's, all right i will do it. >> that's the only difference between being a road comic and in the nfl. >> adele loves comics. >> i can throw touchdowns if i had a perm chef making veggies every night. >> it is a good gig. be happy. >> of the guidelines, rob, robert -- aren't you glad they are loosening up on the cholesterol? >> i don't think the government should tell us what to eat. i don't want to hear one word until they apologize foretell us to eat -- for telling us to eat more bread and pasta. >> the bottom of the pyramid. >> it is bread and pasta. >> i am i not supposed to do that? >> i want them to apologize for what they did and then you can go on and tell me what to
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shop for. >> it is true. joanne, you don't remember that. when we were kids the pyramid -- the entire bottom, the base was all absolutely terrible food. >> it was bread. >> what is a pyramid? >> it is who we used to look to. >> that was anti-sametic. >> we joke about you having a pure alcohol diet, but i know you have to eat well, joanne. >> yeah, well i used to. during the pageant days my diet was like brady's which was depressing. after doing a diet like that when you no longer have to anymore you just never -- you never want to diet again. my dietary guidelines are only eat when you are hungry. stop when you're full. and always try to eat something green every day. >> oh my gosh. we can write a manual with joanne's answers. >> they have to be 300 pages and the food combinations and stuff. >> do you remember it was a joke when woody allen made
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that movie in the 70s and the foods were wrong. >> "sleeper." >> yes, that was a complete joke, but it has come true. >> it is still in some old the diet plate.manhattan. the diet plate is a scoop of cottage cheese and a big old plain hamburger patty. like that's the diet plan. it is actually the diet plate. for 20 years you thought it will kill you. you need some bread and pasta. >> my first grade teacher brought in the diet plate with a wedge of lettuce and a plop of cottage cheese. >> atkins. >> and then a hot dog bun. >> sounds good. it is that time again. half time with andy levy. woah! father, why can't we have directv like the macgregors do? we're settlers, son. we settle for things.
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like having cable instead of directv. hey, jebediah, how's it going? working the land. hoping for a fertile spring. all right. so we have to live with lower customer satisfaction? i'm afraid so. now go churn us some butter, boy, and then make your own clothes. yes, sir. (vo) don't be a settler. get rid of cable and upgrade to directv. call 1-800-directv. or building the best houses in town. or becoming the next highly-unlikely dotcom superstar. and us, we'll be right there with you, helping with the questions you need answered to get your brand new business started. we're legalzoom and we've already partnered with over a million new business owners to do just that. check us out today to see how you can become one of them. legalzoom. legal help is here.
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>> no, i would have never worn a vest. >> small difference. >> i rocked the vest pretty hard. i know that surprises you. >> not shocked at all. >> sam, you said afterward carson went to make a wish and asked who had the least amount of time left and you pointed to a campaign. you said who pointed to the campaign? still you can't point to the campaign. >> you have to be ready for the scrutiny. i wasn't ready. >> workshop it. maybe make it tighter. >> you know what, i'm honing it for the next show. i'm trying. this is not some mackey stand up show. this is big time tv. >> i [bleep] hate mackey, man. that guy is fake. >> i know. tom, you wanted to blame this on the cameraman which would be fine but we showed the video. >> yes, although we blurred it. >> sort of. but we didn't have to show the video. >> it's news, andy.
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once it is news -- that kid is a public figure. >> carson shouldn't have asked that, right? >> he didn't say who is the dumbest, but he said who is the worst student. >> he said dumbest. >> he said dumb later. >> the only way to know is let's show it again. i think i saw a little tear and i wasn't sure if i saw a tear. let's make sure we can see it. >> i think they started talking about gun control and he started crying. >> here we go. >> joanne, do you want to handle this? >> no thank you. my people will try. >> you said of the trump instagram video that it was ridiculous showing hillary standing next to bill cosby. i find it hard to believe that in all of these years there are no pictures of trump standing next to bill cosby at some point. >> there has to be. i was going to google it and i did something else instead. anything else. >> at the very least we know he was on a tv show with sin
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bad. that's bad enough. >> hey, come on, sinbad. >> sinbad is not bad. >> he is a top comic. >> i like him. >> why did you bring up sinbad. >> wait, why did you talk about sinbad. >> did you see "houseguest"? that's one of the best movies. >> you're losing me. i was on your team. >> if you want to talk about "house party" with kid-n-play. >> in that article it says shown with cosby, wiener. i was worried until i saw the comma. >> this is why commas are important. grammar counts. pentagon comes up with a way to give medals to drone operators and things like that. i did some digging and i am being serious, but this is what the pentagon is going to do. they are creating two new of these things called devices. can we put that picture up?
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do you see the top ribbon? it is an army commendation medal. do you see the clusters on it? they are devices. if you get a second award of the same ribbon you put a device. if you get a third you put another one. it is a vice the r and the c. the r stands for remote and the c stands for combat. so when they give out the medals the same would go to someone in combat or a drone operator. the combat person would give a c on it and the remote person would get an r. >> steady hand. >> i dozed off for a minute. the c and the r? >> i can understand that unleak me you are not a veteran so i can see why it is not important. >> you know who won't fall asleep during that? patriots. >> andy, i was wide awake. i was engrossed in every
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word. >> i don't think you deserve a parade. >> this is good stuff, guys. this is good. >> even though i look like one of the guys andy was shooting at. i still very much am on your side. >> sometimes after you are on the show, sam, i get ptsd. the weird thing is i was in korea. i don't even know why that makes sense. katie, you said you could do this, be a drone operator since you play a lot of call of duty. >> it was a bad joke. don't get mad. >> my question is did you ever die when you were playing? if you did, you shouldn't do this. >> i didn't think -- yeah, i die a lot. you don't get to come back? >> no. >> good note. >> rob, you noted that of course differences that bomber pilots can be shot down. there is one thing to note is the air force is having a problem with retention of drone operators because of the stress. >> surprising i knew that
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because i would know that. >> i was pleasantly surprised. also one of the reasons they are having trouble keeping drone pilots is a lot of the pilots feel like they are being looked at as second class members of the military. giving them medals like this could be a way to alleviate that. >> they play video games and they understand extra lives and extra badges and all of that. collect the coins on the way through. >> what video game did you play? mario? collect the coins on the way through? >> you collect the coins. what do you do? those kids playing the games all the time. >> those wacky kids. >> the awards stage gets crashed. you don't understand why cheryl underwood said you ain't gonna pull no steve harvey up in here. >> i i didn't understand that. >> i guess she thought he would say someone else won the award and then tweet an apology with a couple of misspellings in it. >> oh, okay. interesting. interesting attack on steve
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harvey though. >> by her. >> just like sinbad. don't attack sinbad. >> they are two different people? >> you said if this guy really wants to become famous don't crash the people's choice awards. this is the most publicity the people's choice award has had in years. >> yeah, i mean i remember one year they came to our office and rounded us up to be in the audience. there was nobody in the audience. >> who are these people that are making these bad choices? >> they are the people. >> you can see them around. >> it is not patriots. it is people like you. >> people like me. not like me. well, kind of. >> the dietary guidelines. i enjoyed your movement of phlegm. >> moment with tom. >> sorry. i always get that wrong.
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katie, millet is in the grass family and it is used to make birdseed. >> still don't care. >> neither do i. you asked what a pyramid is. that's where joseph stored grain in ancient egypt. >> it makes sense. >> lastly this dietary guideline thing says people who consume both caffeine and alcohol should avoid doing so at the same time. back in my jack and coke days i would have highly disputed this. >> it is an irish coffee. they outlawed irish coffee. >> again, as an american, i don't drink irish coffee. >> i have a lot of work to do. >> thank you for this. it is cold water, but it is good. >> thank you, andy. last night we did a story about robots that allow people to be in two places at once. we had fun anding monthed up a couple of photo. there i am on a family vacation and playing tennis with friends. now come up with captions for the photos and tweet them with # caption robot tom.
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that's all one word with the hash tag sign in front. we will start. there is one. you are not my real dad. that's funny. here is another. run old man i'm bjorn. we are having a ball here. tweet your best captions at red eye fnc with the # caption tom. i will be headlining in san francisco on january 21. francisco on january 21. come and see me. want bladder leak underwear that moves like you do? try always discreet underwear and move, groove, wiggle, giggle, swerve, curve. lift, shift, ride, glide, hit your stride. only always discreet underwear has soft dual leak guard barriers to help stop leaks where they happen most and a discreet fit that hugs your curves, you barely feel it. always discreet underwear so bladder leaks can feel like no big deal. because hey, pee happens. get your free pair and valuable coupons at always discreet.com
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the winning numbers for that almost $950 million jackpot have been chosen. they are, listen closely, 32, 16, 19, 57, 34, and the powerball number is 13. again, those numbers are 32, 16, 19, 57, 34, and the powerball is 13. this jackpot is the largest u.s. lotto prize of all-time. if no one wins, the pot is expected to grow to $1.3 billion. the man accused of shooting a philadelphia police officer has been charged with attempted murder. edward archer was denied bail pending a court hearing later this month. he allegedly fired more than a dozen rounds after the officer who survived the attack. authorities claim the shooter
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pledged his allegiance to isis and was acting in the name of islam. new information about the latest hillary clinton e-mail controversy. the former secretary of state facing a new question, did she ask an adviser to send her talking points of an unspecified subject. the e-mail in question was contained in t of 3,000 clinton e-mails released by the state department. north korea's leader kim jong-un is taking what could be viewed as a victory tour around the country following north korean claims of a successful hydrogen bomb test. a u.s. b-52 bomb has flown over south korea as a show of force. it's capable of delivering nuclear weapons. i'm jackie ibanez. now back to "red eye."
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for all your headlines, logon to foxnews.com. golden globes are this sunday. check your local listings. do they have local listings anymore? and ricky yes, jervase is hosting again. you may remember during his first stint he roasted quite a few celebrities causing them to squirm in their seats. he agreed to return because the producers agreed that he could say what he wants again. who better to discuss the latest news than comedian and floor manager jesse joyce. jesse, you are in l.a. why can't the hollywood elite take a joke? >> look, tom, thanks for having me back on. it is good to be back on the show. i do want to say how dare -- how are you going to make fun of the way i am dressed all the time when you have sam sitting next to you who is dressed like a dead body found
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by a long john silver? >> my most expensive shirt. >> and he smells like it too. >> i know. there is the chest hair peeking out like you are on the 1964 yugoslavia swimming team. >> i like he said 64 yugoslavia before they were separated. >> he knows his stuff. >> there was an olympics in 64. i know what i am doing. >> i thought it was a compliment. >> the question was what? >> for the record i thought it was a compliment and we are referring to you as a floor manager and that's a good position. >> i got proposed, yes, sure. >> why are they so sensitive in hollywood that they can't take a little ribbing? >> well, look, it is a complicated issue. the number one thing is they are all dumb. anybody who is an actor is a dumb person. they are like a vessel. that's all they do. somebody else writes words and they say the words, but they do it with a fake mustache. i think actors have a place
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and they are terrific at what they do, but no one cares to hear them be interviewed. gather around, william defoe has thoughts about syria. no one gives a [bleep]. the other thing to bear in mind is they are all dressed up. i feel like when you put on a tuxedo you feel entitled not to get made fun of. you know what i'm saying? there is something that really -- you leave the house with a tux on and it kind of like -- it punches you right in the balls. every time james bond gets made fun of that guy ends up dead, you know what i mean? >> that's a good point. >> carrie got all dressed up for prom and look what happened. everybody made fun of her. there is something more egregious about it when you are fancied up. >> i think it is right and i feel sympathy for the celebrities and he has a point and they should layoff them. studies suggest being funny is associated with above average intelligence. university of new mexico had
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them take an aptitude test and then write a caption. the funniest came from those who scored high in verbal intelligence. jesse, i know you are a cooky -- cocky comedian. do you agree you are smarter than everybody else? >> yes, but i didn't need a dumb group of scientists to tell me that. >> but they did the study. they found people who scored the highest on the caption contest and they had the highest intelligence. >> stay out of comedy, scientists. that study is mind numbing when scientists decide let's get to the bottom of what the funniest joke is or whatever [bleep] they do. it proves that they have no idea what they are talking about. the benchmark was funniest new yorker cartoon caption. no one in comedy thinks the new yorker cartoons are funny. it is not comedy. it is like whatever a lineup of a police lineup and then one of the guys is a wall russ
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or some done [bleep]. the caption is like -- you know what i mean? the caption is like well i recognize the mustache, but not the big teeth. it is ridiculous. butt not the big teeth. it's like trying to figure out what the most meaningful building in wichita is. none offu them are meaningful s fake thing, you know. >> i do. i want to apologize to our affiliates in kansas. >> i'm not saying anything negative aboutr wichita. but no one would call their buildingss meaningful. >> we're going to close it out with a bedtime story. ifferent because why would you take a pain medicine when all you want is good sleep? zzzquil: a non-habit forming sleep-aid that's not for pain, just for sleep.
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a new app just launched to help women apologize less. the app called just not sorry removes apologetic language from women's e-mail. >> i think i should do this story, roll the graphic, man. ♪ >> anyway, the app removes apologetic language from women's e-mails. designed like a spell checker it
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filters out weak words and phrases like i'm sorry and i just think. but take a look at one of my e-mails before and after using the app. this is before i wrote i'm sorry to bother you but i think you have accidentally taken my pen off my desk. i just think we should try to respect each other's personal property. i mean, i'm no expert, but sorry. andy. then i used the app and this is what came up. >> i don't think that's what this app is for. >> that's what the app did. >> it's trying to make people more polite. >> i'm not making it up that's what the app did. >> thanks, i guess i should say thank you. >> do you say sorry too much? >> i think probably. i'm kind of a bitch so i don't say it as much as other people.
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but i say things like just when i don't need to. i just wanted to know. >> is that conciliatory language that you try to eliminate? >> yeah. >> you do? >> i just think i just use it because i need another word to put in the sentence. >> look, why do women apologize too much and is it a bad thing? >> my girlfriend has never apologized for anything. she has never said sorry ever. >> i don't know what is wrong with saying sorry. it's one of the nice things about women. >> apoll jiogizing when it's necessary is good but women do it a little too much. >> don't you like having women say sorry to you? >> baby, hush. i kind of like it.
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>> you know, joe anyshould have apologized. >> okay, very special thanks. that does it for me. andy, are you there in your space? >> no, i went away. >> see you next time. no, that c. no it can't! what are you, nuts? that's baked-on alfredo. baked-on? it's never gonna work. dish issues? trust your dishwasher with cascade platinum. it powers... through... your toughest stuck-on food. better than finish. (to the hostess) see, told you it would work... (turns to girl 2) you heard me say that, right? cascade. the tougher tough-food cleaner. what makesheart healthysalad the becalifornia walnuts.r? the best simple veggie dish ever? heart healthy california walnuts. the best simple dinner ever? heart healthy california walnuts.
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right now on justice, outrage after yet another cop is targeted by a thug. this time it's a man who says he did it for isis and allah. >> that is abhorrent and terrible. it does not represent the religion. >> the shooter's evil but this guy's got no excuse. find out why i'm mad as hell at the mayor of philadelphia. is it a smoking gun against hillary? i'll take on one of her supporters about the bombshell e-mail that i says proves intent and a massive cover up. and later -- >> we looking for guns we would all still be british.

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