tonight's show, #judge jeanine. thanks so much for watching. we'll be on tomorrow night at 9:00. greg gutfeld show is next. i'm greg gutfeld. here's what's coming up. s it's the iowa season opera. fighting tooth and nail. and the "national review," reviews the advances. bernie sanders is gaining on her. super top-secret info found on her server. but hillary clinton playing it cool. later, my lego friends explain the iowa caucus. and then we all go get buffalo wings. i love buffalo wings. let's welcome tonight's guests.

he's so tough, he uses a blow torch to dry his hair. fox news contributor, and iraq and afghan war veteran. if being adorable were a crime, she would face life in prison. legal analyst and fox news contributor. he's sharp and funny like a wisecracking switchblade. andrew schultz, you can see him on the mtv show guy code. her liver thinks it's living in a hobo's body. it's joanne. and finally, hating things is her yoga. national review reporter, katherine timph. but first, it was a game of endorsement ping-pong. palin saying yes, "national review" saying no, no, no. first, the palin poetry slam that channeled an acid-drenched mp. >> media heads are spinning. this is going to be so much fun. you farm families, and teachers, and teamsters, and cops and

cooks. you rock 'n rollers. and holy rollers! and i got to say, yeah, i'll go. send me. you betcha. some of their skirmishes that have been going on for centuries, where they're fighting each other and yelling al akbar, calling jihad on everybody's head forever and ever. can i get a hallelujah. >> trying to follow that noise is trying to chase a drunk through an avalanche. the big-time tea party embraces the biggest rhino of all. i say hurray. i feel gross if i spent years jeering people for not being a true conservative than embracing a man who loves auto bailouts, deficits, harry reid, charlie crist, hillary clinton. that doesn't sound much like a tea partier. when you're tired of losing, you'll toss it aside like bad clams all over your khakis.

a clan of conservatives derail the donald. here's the spokesperson when asked if trump would make a good president. >> no, no, no, no. no, no, no, no, no. >> hairy little devil. can we have the real point, please? >> it's up to conservatives who think that donald trump whatever his virtues are doesn't truly understand the ideas and principles that make this country great. it's up to those conservatives to stand up and say no, sorry, we oppose this guy. >> the issue is trump's non-conservativism. it's not a big deal trump isn't conservative, it's so many people claim he is. just be honest and everyone gets along. for the blind love and hate for trump, basically the same thing, emotions that override intellect and camouflage hypocrisy. hang amnesty around rubio's

neck, but forget liberal's liberal transgressions. these are people who once put conservativism first and now accusing others of putting conservativism first. have it both ways. trump must run, but as a democrat. it's the party he supported financially, and reflects half his beliefs. as a democrat, he would get more independents, more blacks, more women. he would unite a country and win. what trump has done is amazing. he exposed right-wing bomb throwers as all show. the greatest magician ever. he didn't pull a rabbit out of a hat, he pulled a rhino out of a grizzly. >> here he is! >> let's go to kat first because she works for "national review." how does it feel to be hated by the right-wing base? >> yeah. it's great. it's so great. i've been called a gop establishment hack, which is crazy, because i'm a libertarian. we always vote for ourselves anyway. it doesn't really matter. but trump has messed everything

up with what anyone expected. nobody knows what to do. because cruz was going to be the anti-establishment guy. now trump is anti-establishment-er. and christie is a rough and tougher talker guy. it's all a mess. but yeah, a lot of people hate me, but that's okay, because it's still attention. >> that's true. that's all that matters. you have a lot in common with them, because you hate yourself, too. >> yeah. it's how you improve. >> welcome to the show for the first time. what do you make of this whole week? the "national review" thing, the sarah thing, the whatever thing. >> the whatever thing, yeah. they stuck by their principles and said we're going to be the conservatives. if only this is an election on a spectrum of conservatives and liberals. the insiders and outsiders, different from the inside. the folks who like trump don't

like him because he's a conservative, they like him because he's blowing everything up. "national review" is doing what "national review" should do as standard bearers. sarah palin can't resist to be in the center again. >> in a way trump is like the guy in the slow-motion scene in the movies, walking out of a building and throws that bomb. and it just blows up behind him, and flames, and he walks. he doesn't notice it. he just keeps walking. >> not a bead of sweat. >> his hand stands perfectly. my theory, if trump had run as a democrat, he would win. because it would remove the stigma of blacks, hispanics and women voting for a republican. does that make sense? >> it makes sense. but i still think he could win even as a republican. as pete adequately pointed out, it's not about conservativism. it's not because he's reflecting conservative values. this question about sarah palin abandoning her conservative principles to support trump. i think she abandoned them the

minute she quit her job as governor of alaska where she was going to effect change. no surprise there for me. of course she's going to chase the guy who is the clear front-runner. >> the trailer to the shooting star. andrew, good to see you. it's been a long time. >> good to see you. it's been too long. >> what do you make of this republican race so far? you're a political mind. >> honestly, you know what, i think we have a difference of opinion, but that's fine. i'm going to support whoever backs el chapo. that's really what i go for. he's a go-getter. i'm waiting for his extradition to america and then he'll speak on behalf of cruz or rubio. >> you're a one-issue voter. >> i'm a one-issue voter. >> el chapo did call donald trump his amigo. >> he did? >> yes, in his interview. >> donald trump and sean penn. >> i don't like sean penn's

face, but i also don't like donald trump's face. >> i like marco rubio's face. >> are you turning this into a pageant? what is going on right now? >> but cruz -- doesn't cruz look like the little sea gull from the little mermaid? >> oh, my god! >> if you gave him a fork, he's like, oh, a comb. >> that's far too cute. >> what are you doing watching the little mermaid? i don't the little mermaid is. i thought it was a disorder. joanne, do you think there's a lot of -- look at the "national review" response. my feeling is, the reason why they're angry, everybody has the same feeling. i call it the line cutter theory. when you sense somebody is cutting in line, it doesn't matter where, it could be a comedian that gets a better time than you. and you hate him for that.

because he cut in line. it could be something promoted before you. any of that stuff. a line cutter -- you off. i think they're -- off at trump. he cut in line. he jumped the fence. he came across the rio grande without paying his deuce as a conservative. >> it's not the way things are supposed to be done. it's like donald trump is a lasagna. there are lots of different ways to make a lasagna. but just because it's not your grandmother eve old recipe, that you always eat, it doesn't mean it's going to ruin your dinner. stop it with the faux gluten allergy. you're not going to stop eating italian if that lasagna is on the table. it's too much. >> picking up on that lasagna metaphor, he's got layers. liberal point of view. conservatives. >> but you can't have a bowl of cereal and call it lasagna. it's got to have sauce and cheese, right?

you don't have as many of the basic principles of conservativism, like less government, more freedom. that's the conservativism. >> i'm really hungry now. >> it is interesting, he's showing up at a bakeoff with a lasagna, and when he wins he pulls it back and it's a bowl of cere cereal. nobody's going to care that he's not a conservative because he won. everybody on the right is so tired of losing, they're losing their principles, saying, so what. maybe he's our guy. but he is a big government guy. he's for tariffs. >> it's interesting, you talk about the line-jumping theory, i think you're spot-on. hillary clinton was really had her feelings hurt when barack obama super jumped the line and came out of nowhere. he was rewarded big-time for it. >> didn't hillary jump the line? she married bill. she jumped the line.

are. >> two years longer than barack obama was. >> if you wait in line, they accuse you of being establishment. >> that's right. just go for it. >> rubio didn't wait in line. neither did cruz. it's not necessarily just a line. conservatives like trump because -- partly because he loves america. we've been under a regime of a president for the last seven years who doesn't. >> very negative. who believes we're a problem. trump sees america as a solution. obama has seen america as a problem for the world. because of the wars, and he thinks we have to look inward. trump is now saying, it's time to look outward. it's a pendulum. barbara bush had this to say about the campaign. >> jeb has been a very good father, a wonderful son, hard worker, his heart is big. when push comes to shove, people are going to realize jeb has real solutions rather than

talking about how popular they are, how great they are. he's doing it because he sees a huge need, and it's not being sold by anybody. of all the people running, he seems to be the one who could solve the problem. i think he'll be a great president. >> joanne, there was a dig in there for trump, talking about the popular guy. it's not always the popular guy. she said that her son seems to be -- >> you know when you get into a fight in high school, or in gram ar school, and your mother has to come and sort it out and make the two boys work out their problems. this wasn't an endorsement so much as it was her just trying to, i don't know, pat her son on the back and tell him it's going to be okay. >> yeah. >> how bad is it for jeb bush when you talk to a sound byte of jeb bush and it sounds like a nonse question tur. >> a bad time for good men. >> that's right. >> bad time for good men. >> like the bad boys.

>> trump responded to "national review," kat. he called it a dying paper. but to be fair, aren't we all dying? >> it's a magazine, we are all dying, i think about that quite a bit. but, you know, the thing is, that's so typical trump, right? he addresses the issues that were presented. the argument of saying, he's not a conservative. let's talk about this issue. he just said, your paper is a loser. totally deflected. >> and he destroyed you. he destroyed you, kat. your career is over. >> i love to think he thought about me at all. but i don't think he does. >> you're a girl, he's thinking about you. >> oh, god. >> up next, are hillary clinton's e-mails now like her husband's females? they just won't go away. we discuss more damaging discoveries from her private home server. up next. covergirl makes flawless as easy as... one... "tru"... three.

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the discovery of e-mails on her home server contained e-mails more sensitive than top-secret. she had a special access program. as the stuff gets out, covers could be blown. intel could be lost, and people could get hurt. the discovery was described by an inspector general in a letter to lawmakers. here's hillary clinton's response. warning, it's predictable. >> this seems to me to be, you know, another effort to inject this into the campaign. it's another leak. i'm just going to leave it up to the professionals at the justice department. because nothing that this says changes the fact that i never sent or received material marked classified. >> i say, hang her. pete served in the military. she's so lax about sensitive information. that's got to be a concern for somebody like you, and like me.

>> right. >> i'm a lot like you. >> those lights are hot. this is a lot like afghanistan and iraq. >> this makeup don't run. >> that's right. i'm just a dumb infantryman. but we relied on this information. it is human intelligence for active operations. that means if you're using a home-cooked server, people are able to spy on it. you've got actual human beings in the field doing operations who they now know about. this whole b.s. around it wasn't classified at the time. anyone including just an infantryman knows it doesn't matter what the stamp is on the top of the sheet, what matters is what's in it. she knows that well enough to know there's stuff about that. >> she's saying the average voter doesn't care. people say, i send e-mail all

the time. like they're like recipes from their aunt about a casserole or lasagna. >> thank you. >> actually, no, that's not -- >> i was trying to put words into your mouth, stephanie. >> you know what the biggest -- the micro is exactly what pete said. the experienced candidate has been there and done it. it's arguable that you did it terribly the first time around. not a catchy narrative. it's going to work against her. we get that you got the, quote, experience, but what's the value of it. >> her allies are painting sanders as a racist because he doesn't have any black people in his ad. >> go to vermont. aren't there black people in vermont? >> it's the black families. no whites. but there's a black family. they're black. >> we occupy space everywhere. >> yeah.

>> sorry, what were you saying? >> you strike me as a sanders guy. >> i do -- you know what it is. i want two presidents. i want a president for america. which is sanders. because he cares about the people. he wants to give everybody college and health care and all this lovely stuff. and then i want another president for the world. you know, the goal of politics is like a prison yard. you take my guys, i have to blow you up. so you know not to take my guys. i don't think sanders is going to negotiate like a hostage situation well. he's just going to, well, you have health care. >> yeah, yeah. you need to have a jekyll and a hyde. >> i really believe that. you need -- look, you've been out there in the field. it's a different ball game across the sea. like you can't -- i don't know -- >> i don't know our men and women in uniform are promoted by a colonel sanders. >> joanne, everybody was focused

on the gop spectacle. perhaps we have a larger story. >> trump were in those e-mails. if his name were in those e-mails, people would pay attention to it. if she is not lying, which she says she's not, then she's just inept. she's not capable of doing this job. remember, people have been criticizing obama for abusing his authority. which is essentially what hillary is continuing to do with these e-mails. we're seeing it time and time again. why wouldn't she continue to do that in the white house. >> what's in the e-mails? does anybody know? >> a lot of classified stuff. >> she hasn't released them all. she's asked for another month. >> a lot of stuff of bill in a leather garment. the shocking thing is, he's fully clothed. you said a joke on the five the other day, and nobody laughed. shocking e-mail, bill fully clothed. i was like, kazing!

get the damn joke! >> if she was smarter, she would use snapchat. that's how we send news now. right? is that right? >> okay, kat. >> no, no. >> kat, you're seeing some kind of reverberations or rumblings among the feminists that maybe hillary isn't the best choice. are they just going to vote for her anyway? >> yeah, probably. they probably will. it's really, really, really sad. i don't understand why she's not in jail, right? even avery went to jail for a rape he didn't commit. for some reason she's not in jail because of her privilege. the clinton machine is just so powerful. even if she didn't technically break a law, she clearly doesn't care about national security. that should disqualify her. she shouldn't be able to run as a feminist when she actively ruined other women's lives. but that's okay, too. everyone just kind of looks past everything. i don't know if she has a mind

control thing going on, because that's really the only thing i could think of, the fact she can just get away with everything. >> she probably made you say that. up next, the rules of the pool. no running, no diving into the shallow end, and no assaulting women. is this how germany's getting its migrants to assimilate? the answer is probably yes. i've been blind since birth. oh or visit my24info.com.

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mysogynist abs. courses have been set up in norway. since 2011, teaching refugees, quote, a kiss is not a yes to sex. the program was started after public problems. turns out some women have complained about harassment by migrants. they decided that posters were the answer because the world is going to hell. anxiously awaiting the diarama not to skin cast. i don't know where to go with this. ebony, it's a start, i guess. >> i know it looks outrageous, but i think this is a good thing. this is the only reason why. if you're going to have these people come over, they have different customs where they're from. >> these aren't customs. they're a crime. >> but there it's not. >> then they should be told not

to come here. >> as somebody who, look, whatever works. if this helps mitigate the problem, then by golly, put the cartoons up. we've got cartoons on the subway, same thing, whatever. keep a man spread. this is man spread, by the way. >> man spreading -- >> i should be able to spread all i want. >> man spreading is not assaulting women. pete? >> don't look me here, look me in the eyes. i'm a human being. >> i saw that poster hanging in the hallway for your show. >> here's what it is. in the middle east, women are seen as inferior. from many traditional forms of islam, if you're a nonmuslim, you're an infidel. these are inferior infidels these men are seeing. anything i see and want to touch it, i can touch. they're encouraged to hang on to the beliefs they have.

it doesn't mean playing, you know, touchy touchy. this is a problem with mass imi grags -- >> they're not prepared for it. >> i'm getting angry. >> get angry. no, no, no. they don't need classes. i don't care what it's like in their country. an article in "the new york times" said only prostitutes would dress like the bathing suits we have. you know what? they also know everyone is dressed like that, and nobody else is grabbing them. so use some context clues, right? they know they're not supposed to be doing it. context clues dictate that it's different here. they don't care. that's obvious that they don't care. the signs aren't going to change anything. >> andrew, i don't think a sign ever changed you. >> no. >> you're still andrew. >> i'm still me. every sign. >> that used to be a song you do really like. ♪ i saw the sign >> this is exactly what happened

at spring break. they're just not accustomed to seeing this in one place and going, oh, you can't do it somewhere else. i think the classes are a great idea. because maybe they're trying to assimilate. maybe they're looking at people and going -- >> i have a problem with the posters, because they are directed at the men, and not at the women. it's not posters saying women cover up. women don't provoke men. as some leaders already said, women need to be more careful when they go out in public. no. at least you're trying to tackle the problem which is these men. >> where is the american feminist? where is the american feminist? >> why can't we teach them our culture, are the culture of their new home? >> this happened at kent state. associate professor there is now under investigation by the fbi because of possible ties to isis. julio peno trying to recruit students to join a terrorist group. under investigation for a year and a half. he denies any connection to isis.

although he does admit to be an [ bleep ]. >> i'm speaking out on issues that some people find controversial, of course. but no, i have not violated any u.s. laws that i'm aware of. >> he's still teaching classes. >> well, come on, we're all multi-cultural and diverse. he checks a lot of those boxes. even if he said a few radical things, that's acceptable because this is academia. if you're a conservative, that's another story. >> maybe this is an innovative way to get extra credit. like maybe you get exempt from the finals if you behead someone. >> i hope that's not their grading scale. i guess the criminal defense lawyer in me says, we do have due process for that reason. certainly if this guy is found to be guilty of recruiting or any jihadist nonsense, off with his head, absolutely. sure. >> andrew? >> from the stuff i read, just fire him. didn't he have a post that said death to israel?

another post where he had a eulogy for a palestinian suicide bomber. isn't that enough that you just fire him? just fire him. i don't get it. fire him. let him sue the school and call you a racist or whatever. >> he's tenured, so it's not easy to fire him. >> you can't -- >> professors are passionate and tenured, no, just do a syllabus, follow the same one every year, you collect your paycheck, and you sit pretty. >> i don't like tenure anyway. >> tenure is basically telling you you don't have to try hard anymore and you can just be a complete idiot. kat, you seem like the type that might be vulnerable to an isis recruiter. >> i mean, i do like it when people like me, and make an effort to reach out. but, you know, this guy, he said he has no connection to isis. so he doesn't. what better screening system could there possibly be than that? it's probably okay. >> that's how we do the thesis

system, too. >> do you plan to bomb everyone? no. >> come on in! >> it's foolproof. >> another example of political correctness run amok. thank you. i had to work that into the show. you have to. it's in the contract. you have to say that. political correctness. >> not when trump's president. >> it all changes. it all changes. isis, we're going to kick that ass. don't go anywhere, still to come, why is an oregon college ho holding this day. men, we try .... ...to stay fit.

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you're putting us on, oregon. the month of april at portland community college will be devoted to something called whiteness history month. officials say the program will

examine race and racism through an exploration of the construction of whiteness, its origins and heritage. it is not a celebratory endeavor. of course. why would it be? white guys, they're gross. they're so white. meanwhile, in pennsylvania, which i believe is close to oregon, officials at susquehanna university are searching for a replacement for its crusader mascot and nickname. this after the school concluded, quote, critics of the term crusader feel that connotations of the word to the medieval crusaders are used in the violence in the name of religion. it's commitment to embracing and respecting a difference. that's a lot of bull [ bleep ]! that's all i can say. andrew, you're a racist. you must enjoy the whiteness month. >> i'm just taking the whole month off. i'm going to hail some cabs. just walk around. be powerful. no, i hate this idea. this is what we need to stop.

i hate the idea that there's a white culture. >> we have no culture. >> there is no such thing as white culture. >> we steal from everybody. >> first of all, everybody steals from everybody. white culture is irish, italian, there's -- i do this thing, there's a b.e.t., what about a white entertainment television? you can have irish entertainment television? you ukrainian entertainment television. >> there should be a show called you crane, ukraine. it's almost racist to just call everybody white. ebony, do you agree? >> oh, my god, my head hurts. i actually disagree, andrew. >> with what? >> with everything -- no. >> this month i can -- >> no, i'm all for whiteness month, actually.

one of my majors in undergrad was black studies. i'm all about subscribing to race as a social construction. i actually do feel there is something to be said for experiencing reality through the lens of your white identity. it's not about what you think, it's how people perceive you. >> your blackness is not defined by your overarching theme around the world. >> the definition of identity has changed so much. i think largely in part because young people are giving up their religion. you're seeing people used to have catholic guilt, jewish guilt. there were ways you could relate to other people and feel badly. because you grew up in that sort of culture, that construct. now we're replacing that sort of religious guilt with white shaming, with white privilege, and -- >> we shouldn't have to feel ashamed to be who they are. >> you should be proud to be white. >> be super proud. >> i'm kidding.

>> first gender was a social construct, now racism is a social construct. i'm a black female if i want to be a black female. >> that's fine. >> the ends of absurdity never stop. >> look who's really facing this? multi-racial people. this is happening more and more. they have one black parent or one asian parent, whatever the combination is, it's not the makeup, but how the world sees you. >> i was thinking about this, kat, because you cover this a lot at "national review." i see the next step in a way of micro identity. if sean king and doll oh czar can identify as a race, why stop there? why can't i pick a specific person? what if i can just say i'm will smith? not just a black man, but a black man named will smith who is a non-award-winning actor. >> he won once. >> we're all -- i think some

people would be okay with it. and others wouldn't be okay with it. i think there are some people that are always going to be mad no matter what you do. portland thinks it's great, with all this privilege checking stuff going on. but i wrote a piece yesterday about an op-ed a student wrote for the uc berkeley paper, saying that privilege checking is actually also offensive, because white, straight, male people, when they check their privilege, all that happens is they feel so lucky to have so much privilege and sleep better at night knowing they're better than other people and other people are suffering. after the this at this point, everybody's going to be offended no matter what. identify as whatever you just said, that i forgot, i wouldn't really be that interested in that. but i'm sure you'd find someone on tumbler who would respect you very much. >> anybody care about the crusaders? >> no, not at all. can we touch on this identifying whoever you want to identify?

if that's the case, why doesn't jar et foeg el just say he identifies as a teenager. or as canadian because it's -- >> because he's not perceived that way by other people. see what i'm saying? >> kaitlin isn't per received by anyone as a woman. i'm okay if you want to decide who you want to be, that's totally fine. >> all right. i'm going to be andrew schultz. >> you are andrew schultz. >> i am andrew schultz. and i'm going to commit a lot of crime under your name. >> there it is. >> the left is obsessed with race. why are we trying to see more race as opposed to trying to find a way to see past it? >> look, i don't want to live in a world where i have to be fo e forced to see past my race. >> why are we continually always -- all these things drive more differences. >> we're irresponsible in the way we acknowledge our

differences is the problem. >> we should be able about race in a number of different levels. >> like the lasagna. >> exactly. >> the idea of race is silly. we should talk about culture. if you just -- judge someone's culture. that's totally fine. >> we've got to go. we've got to talk about the oscars. coming up, let's do this, do the academy awards have a diversity problem? or does diversity have an academy awards problem. growing up, we were german. we danced in a german dance group. i wore lederhosen. when i first got on ancestry i was really surprised that i wasn't finding all of these germans in my tree. i decided to have my dna tested through ancestry dna. the big surprise was we're not german at all. 52% of my dna comes from scotland and ireland. so, i traded in my lederhosen for a kilt. ancestry has many paths to discovering your story.

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will smith finally came out against the academy awards. this after his wife jada pinkett smith and director spike lee announced their plans to boycott the oscars. here's smith on gma. >> i have to protect and fight for the ideals that make our country and make our hollywood community great. and so when i look at this series of nominations, the academy, it's not reflecting that beauty. >> for the second straight year, no black actors were nominated

in the four acting categories, including smith, who some thought would get nominated for his role in "concussion." charlotte called the boycott racist against whites. michael caine added "you can't vote for an actor because he's black." every person on the planet has commented on this. let's go around the horn on this one. >> will smith, quite frankly, it was all right, his accent was terrible on "concussion." he's been nominated twice before. you can't, just because the one time you were snubbed, be upset. he lost both times to another black actor. >> that's what it is. he hates black people! >> isn't the head of the academy awards a black female?

>> she is. >> is she racisracist? >> she said they're going to diversify the body of the academy. >> camille foster said today that the percentage of nominations since 2000 is higher than the percentage of blacks in america, which i didn't know about. that's a good fact. >> that is a good fact. >> it was on your show. >> i was listening. >> andrew, oscars? >> i just think you're blaming the wrong person. >> who should we blame? >> hollywood. i don't think film is diverse enough. i would prefer if i got into some films before you diversified it. but that's fine. but i don't think film is diverse enough. you can't blame the oscars enough, because oscars doesn't cast films. >> the nba all-star game is nothing but tall guys. >> you blame the team, but i couldn't want that. i would just want the best player. but you diversify hollywood,

you'll see a trickle down effect. >> always trickling. joanne? >> i would like to say, academy and hollywood directors, you're doing a great job and i look forward to working with you. it's funny when will smith says hollywood community values. is there such a thing? i think the color hollywood sees is green. all of these people have amazing paychecks. i look forward to joining their inner circle. >> we talked about the race element, but if you're gay in hollywood, you have to stay in the closet and you can't come out. look what happened to rupert everett. so big married actors have to stay in the closet. that sucks. >> i just feel really bad for all of these people, you know, they're rich and famous and they have to go to stuff like the oscars. times are tough, right? nobody cares about the oscars

except for those people. if you win, i don't care who wins. i care how well my tweets do when i'm watching it. >> the one thing, to your point, ebony, i'm glad that "concussion" didn't get nominated, because it was created as oscar fodder. it's a contemporary, serious issue, and the accent, you have to have the accent. >> it was so bad. >> i know, i know. don't go anywhere, up next, confused about what happened at the iowa caucus? we have the caucus video to end all caucus videos. seems like wed block. that reminds me... anyone have occasional constipation, diarrhea...

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finally tonight, we're not on next weekend because i'll be in iowa for the iowa caucuses. but since i have no idea how a caucus works, i asked joanne to make a video using simple words. roll tape, tape rollers. ♪ >> the iowa caucuses start with voters, gathering in local meeting spots like a hot tub or a gymnasium. sometimes representatives give you a speech to convince you to abandon the candidate you came to support rmt for republicans, you vote using a secret ballot. votes are announced publicly and added to the statewide tally. pretty easy. now you're home in time to watch "the west side." >> cool, martin sheen rocks. >> for the democrats, it's like a bloody battle royale.

first, caucusgoers break up into groups. think of it like the corners of your high school cafeteria. you have dorks, jocks, whatever. any candidate without enough support is deemed unviable. aka, a loser. the good news for bernie and hilla hillary, they have the option to switch teams and this is where you get a chance to convince your neighbors to support your candidate. if you're hot, this will be easy. want to go to college for free? another way to win people over is to tempt them with cookies. >> [ bleep ] yeah, cookies. >> once people change sides, a new count is taken. viable candidates win their share of those all-important delegates and take one step closer to the white house.

>> that was enlightening, joanne. we've got to go. great job, everybody. so we're back, saturday, february 6th. i'm greg gutfeld. i love you, america. breaking tonight for the very first time, you're about to hear exclusive new insight into a devastating terror attack from the american heroes who lived to tell about it. it comes as a blockbuster movie about their story is released that could change everything you thought you knew about benghazi. and directly impact the 2016 race for the white house. welcome to "the kelly file," everyone. this past weekend paramount pictures released "13 hours." it tells the account of the men who risked everything to save their fellow americans from terrorists. 11 years to the day after 9/1