saturdays right here on fnc. i'm eric boling in for bill o'reilly. please remember the spin stops here because we're looking out for you. welcome to "red eye." i'm tom shillue. look, there is no tv's andy levy tonight. but let's check in with mike baker in his underground layer to see what stories we will be discussing. mike? >> thank you very much, tom. the nra rewrites fairy tails so heros have guns. my kids don't need to read those. their hero already has guns. i am talking about me, tom. not you. me. and most americans will be willing to sell a kidney. likewise most who meet me in a back alley will donate one for free. and finally, should horses be forced to wear diapers? it depends.

tom? thank you. i thought he was going to say naaay. let's welcome our guest. she and her phone are both regularly at full bars, joanne nosuchunsky. if you want a good workout, argue with him because it is an uphill battle. free think media executive producer camille foster. unlike washington you can trust what this dc says. the senior contributor to the federal list dc mcallister. and whatever you do, don't let him pet your rabbit. george. and looming next to me is comedian ben kissel. >> you know what fairy tales are missing 1234 semiautomatic rifles. the nra family has rewritten a couple of children's classic stories. see if you notice what is different. there is hansel and gretle

have guns and little red riding hood has a gun. i think it is the guns. that's what is different. they added guns to the story. the presence of firearms means they never get shoved into an oven. instead they storm the ginger bread layer and make a citizen's arrest and eat her house for dessert. and little red riding hood's grandmother doesn't get eaten because she goes grand tau -- torino on his punctuation ass. i wrote my own book and i want to submit them to the nra. i have ali-baba. rum pell still killing and the princess and the ppk, locked and loaded edition. you have my number. let's do lunch at a gun friendly establishment. i think this is is great. camille, you know, we live in a second amendment society.

the kids should learn about guns , shouldn't they? >> and we are toning down the violence that is already in these horrific stories. hansel and -- gretle is about abandonment and a wolf eats an old lady and then is ripped through the middle by a woodsman with an ax. it is terrible and terrifying. those stories are far better and safer when the heros have guns. >> that's it. in these stories the gun, joanne, it stops the crime in x a. you don't have to chop them up with the axe. >> it does improve all stories. i even think disney should remake all of their classics. could you imagine in "the little mermaid" aerial collects things, a gun collector. that's wonderful. and then uh alladin could steal so much more stuff if he had a gun. >> you're right.

>> it improves every situation of the. >> people need guns for protection. you -- >> i do not. >> you have had young people climb up into your apartment on a bean stalk haven't you? >> yes i have and i taught that young man a mighty lesson, have i not? >> and a gun would help these characters, would it not? >> i don't want them to have guns. i am the enemy at every fairy tale. no guns. i dislike them because it equals the playing field. and frankly i like to have an advantage. >> camille is right. >> they are disgusting and despicable horror stories. there was cinderella. in the original story cinderella's dare i say not less attractive step sister cutoff their toes and their heels to squeeze into the shoes. the little mermaid is a you referenced, joanne, had her tongue cut out. she got to the beach to meet

her prince charming charming and turns out he was marying a -- marrying the king's daughter and she jumped back in the water and became foam. >> became breeze. well foam and then she got a second chance to redeem herself. >> it is like a leonard skynard song. tuesday is gone with the wind. >> dc, you have kid. would you have your kid read books like this? we have a sample cover. look at that. that's the kind of lesson kids should learn, isn't it? >> i imagine it being more violent. i have to disagree a little bit. the purpose of the fairy tales is to scare the living daylights out of kids. and they used to be completely creepy and a lot more horrific than we have now. and if we add guns to the mix we will go all walking dead on them. rapunzle has to come out

firing. the doors need to be lined up. we need to have killing and mayhem. let me tell you. if you have the guns we will change the fairy tales forever. if a woman has a gun she doesn't need a prince to save her. >> absolutely. >> she could not have gotten down with a gun. she needed help. >> that's not very helpful to you either. if you want to get down you are not going to kill the people who are coming to help you. >> i am still terrified by ring around the rosy. it is a terrifying song about the bubonic plague. >> it is about the bubonic plague? >> it is terrible. who teaches this to their children? >> it is about learning to face death so they are stronger for it. bring on the guns. bring on the violence. >> beautiful. >> rub dirt in your wounds. >> moving on. on the last day of his visit to buenos aires, home of the whopper, president obama talked to a bunch of young

people about the big debate over capitalism and come communism. and of course he stood up for the american way. >> that's been a big debate, right? you are a cap pal list yankee dog. you know, you are a countriesy communist that is going to take away everybody's property. those are interesting intellectual arguments. you should be practical and just choose from what works. >> just choose a little of this and a little of that. mick it up jie. obama continues. >> i said this to president castro in cuba. i said, look, you made great progress in educating young people. every child in cuba gets medical care the life

expectancy of cubans is equivalent to the united states because they have access to health care. that's a huge achievement. they should beacon grat late -- be congratulated. >> he presented it as, you know, hey, you know, capitalism, communism. these are interesting intellectual arguments. >> it is really, really important. adam smith referred to capitalism and not the thing we referred to as capitalism. the morings of our free society are highly compatible with a system of free markets. not so much with the system that collectivises property. it is important to celebrate and promote free markets. free markets aren't freedom, but they are necessary for a free society. >> do you think he does president realize -- >> it sounds like his speech

writer was on vacation or something. he is rambling and looks exhausted. maybe he does n know. >> i think he has a soft spot for these leftest countries. dc stands for dogged communist, right? >> it does. >> where do you stand on this argument? >> the one thing that was left out of the entire speech and it was beautiful. i loved what you had to say. freedom. our founders rejected communism because we value liberty. liberty is messy and it is not always equal, but it is fair and you are free. it is an interest elect actual choice. north korea, south korea. view -- vaw vanilla ice cream, chocolate ice cream. they said cuba should beacon grat lated.

should be congratulated. markets work and they make sense is. they did seem to draw an equivalence instead of the wonderful shining usa and that stinky little island of cuba down there. >> always off the coast of florida you can see people swimming to cuba. >> health care in the great schools. >> maybe they want to break into guantanamo bay and get free lunch. i have no idea. that is my technique when i go to the buffet. a little of this and a little of that and inevitably you end up with food poisoning. never eat sushi from a new york city deli buffet. >> you have done it? >> many times. it is actually my weight loss plan and i pln on doing it after the show tonight. i drain. that's how i lose weight. >> that's awful. joanne, let's just defend the president here. i will play obama's advocate that he is in south america so

he is speaking to a lot of leftists and he is trying not to insult him. >> you have to find something good to say and you see a theatrical performance and it was the lighting and i saw you and you found your light. if you are speaking to young people and they choose it, that's the last thing they will be choosing. you need to tell them it is like like -- in school, it is like a group project. nobody likes group projects. you have to share the workload and divy stuff up. it is absolutely awful. that's i think the best way to teach these young kids about the choice they will make. >> that's how we do this show though, joanne. are you saying something the way we work together on a daily basis? >> am i saying something? >> as the kid that would eat

glue i loved group projects because i didn't do anything. >> as a leader i hated it. >> that's it. there is always the producers and the moochers. >> researchers found that people are more like looy to do something if they get a big check. it is really true. in this case i am talking about, yes, donating kidneys. any less it is illegal to accept money to donate your organs. the idea is to prevent rich patients from having an advantage. the law has lead to a shortage of kidneys and it should be reexamined. in a new study they said they would be more likely to give up a vital organ, the kidney which is necessary for breathing i believe? if they got $50,000. the researchers noted because too many u.s. patients are dying owing to the inadequate kidney supply and it could increase the number of kidneys. we conclude this option must be seriously considered. they are experts and i believe them.

lets start selling our organs. >> let's see how it will pan out on-line. it will open a in you app for everyone. we can have craigslist and craig's arm and craigs leg. he can have planned parenthood fund the app. they are into selling body parts. >> are you saying it is a slippery slope? >> complete sarcasm. >> the libertarian says it is your body if you want to sell everything and be wealthy in the end, but have just the torso, then go for it. as a society there would be a terrible impact. there may be a sci-fi distopia come out of it. >> you probably have huge kidneys and can sell them for double. >> if you have ever seen the beginning montage of "the flinstones" when they go through the drive through and they get the rib and it tips over the car, that's what would happen.

they would fall over immediately and nobody could pick them back up. no one wants my body parts. if you get my liver you will be dead. it is quite sad. the only person who i can give a body part to is maybe the former basketball player. >> do you have to be a donor? >> i am a donor on my driver's license card, but they rejected it. they wouldn't let me do tsm they said nobody wants it. it is what it is. >> we have a system and they say it will get more kidneys. people are dying. >> this is a no brainer. you should be able to sell your extra organs to save someone else's life. the thought that prohibition will help people in any sort of fashion is laughable. the facts are pretty -- they speak for themselves. there are hundred of thousands of people who die because of this. there are black markets for

organs. people are dying from a lack of having these organs. i can't imagine how it would be made a worse place to allow people to voluntarily sell them for money. doctors are paid as is the continuum of people who help perform the surgery. why can't the person donating the organ get paid? >> everybody is making a buck. it is not like you will donate your heart. there is just one. >> karma because you have taking money for it suddenly the other one fail and you are dead? >> fortunately you can buy another one. >> i don't think it should be legal because there are so many episodes of law and order svu and it creates great tv. it is very tense and filled withdraw ma and that's what i like to see. >> you mean when they steal the organ? the guy in central park they stole his organs? >> no the woman in the wheelchair who was next on the

list and she gave it to a little boy. >> reviews for batman v superman is has been unkind, but ben affleck has not let it get him down. >> the reviews came out. >> it has been getting a mixed response. i just wondered how it makes you guys feel and whether it will affect the film as such. >> the interesting thing is is that --

♪ >> ben? >> i agree. >> i have not seen the film. it can't be that bad, ben. >> it can't be that bad. i actually heard he was qiend of a good batman, but they are upset he shot everybody. who cares? >> what? >> he is is a homicidal maniac. the movie is is terrible and it is one of the worst films i have seen in my life. shut up, super man. you are no idea what you are talking about and you are certifiable awful. >> i just want to know why would you make a movie to have ben affleck there when you can have henry. >> is that what it is? >> that's not the failing of the film. >> if you haven't seen

"chasing amy" get out and rent it. people still use those, right? >> isn't it silly the huffing and puffing about a couple of super heros? >> yes, except for the fact they spent millions of dollars and they need to make it it millions to break even. i wonder if he was thinking about how his life is and the turn it has taken. or like cheese burgers and i don't have to be ripped and this suit. >> we are not that complex. women think there is a lot going on up here, but it is cheese burgers. jeb bush paid an average of $5,000 per vote. i guarantee you this will be more exciting than his campaign. >> thanks for bringing it back to politics. >> coming up, is it a good idea to have a colonial-themed restaurant?

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colonial in portland. it is everything you want in an indy liberal establishment. lofty space, wooden furniture, a garage door. garage doors are so left wing. not enough for some. locals are furious that it serves the menu of english food to the colonies of the british empire. safron colonial. the restaurant owed to genocidal legacy opening up on north williams. this is not a theme restaurant where the chef oppresses the customers for fun. as the owner sally says it is about the cultural melding of food around the world. protestor stephanie dunks started a facebook page called

stop glorifying colonialism. you can join it, but i will warn you when you join stephanie won't approve you expru too cop looking. they marched on the restaurant and they want them to change the name and the menu with items like the winston churchill breakfast which sound delicious to me. don't do it, sally. don't change. keep serving on the beaches, in the fields, this the streets, in the hills. never surrender. >> somebody should make a tv show and call it portland land or something. >> i wonder why somebody hasn't done that yet. i try to rack my brain. >> isn't there something that has not oppressed people's beliefs?

no. every criticism she leveled at the british empire can be said about the inca. i'm sure there is a picture in front of the great wall of china or something else built by slaves. >> you can't eat food that is part of our traditional heritage and not eat something tainted by human suffering. that's life. >> in dc when they teach western ship shouldn't they say they are not being nice to other people. maybe they can prepare them. everyone wasn't nice through history. >> they need their safe space. that is their safe space. >> these cafes, obviously and i have traveled across the great states of america and go into the coffee shops and i

love the left wing coffee shops. these are really safe spaces. this kind of thought. >> you don't miss vodka and lime gatorade and you don't miss politics with food. chick-fil-a may beacon serve tiff, but i don't care. their chicken is amazing. howard schulz from starbucks may be a liberal and i don't care. i need a coffee immediately. i have no concern of the political affiliation of the restaurant i am at. just sit down and eat a english muffin. >> joanne, i think they do have english muffins, right? >> i think they are just called muffins. >> they want people to go on and leave negative reviews. >> they should leave negative reviews. >> what? >> each was uh offensive to me.

it is interesting to see how it tastes because it can turn into an artistic expression of the times and the food. if the food is awful, it is saying that this colonialism is awful. do you see that? it is not praising the time. >> i went on yelp and you can tell which was written by the protesters. they said if you would like your eggs served with a side of bigotry. >> well, look, we can hold a grudge. there is a whole boston masacre thing with their accents and the monarchy. if that's what they were upset about i would be marching in lock step with them. >> but it isn't. >> coming up, the return of

mike baker with the baker file. live from an undisclosed location. let me talk to you about retirement. a 401(k) is the most sound way to go. let's talk asset allocation. sure. you seem knowledgeable, professional. i'm actually a dj. [ dance music plays ] woman: [laughs] no way! that really is you? if they're not a cfp pro, you just don't know. cfp -- work with the highest standard.

you didn't ask for it, but you're getting it.

>> this is mike baker. >> i appreciate your chart. you make the most beautiful charts. >> mike baker. >> i believe that was an endorsement from donald trump. >> we had the wonderful quote. we have to use it. will it encourage him to make more charts? >> my chart production will go off the charts. i will get so tired of making winning charts. thank you again for the opportunity. let's see. we'll start with with the -- it is a reminder and it is a wonderful show i will talk to my own research staff.

looking at the half time accuracy report as you can see from here it is a neck and neck really of camille and joanne at this point. i would say dc -- >> you blew your cover? >> there is a chance that denise and ben could catch up. i doubt ben could catch up. it is what it is. if you notice the blue line represents the sprocket values and along the bottom we have the efficient. they are asking whefer -- they are asking where the show stands. they tell me the line going in that direction is a good thing. i think we are on the right

track. i suppose that's true. sunday at 10:00 p.m. and 9:00 central on another network if you are so inclined. why this matters, if a tv show is canceled, then over here the jobs are lost. then down here the mood sours and then the economy suffers and before you know it we have a national security go rope going on. today's game, how tall is ben kis se l? viewers always wanting to know this. we are a faff vet and it is getting a run on another network. how tall is is ben kissel? he is not as tall is a the empire state building. is ben as tall as a dinosaur?

even though this is not drawn to scale. >> it is not drawn to scale. you know, the last time we did it i compared you to a jackass on one side. i felt bad about that ever since. is ben finally as tall as an oompa-loompa. >> today's security tip, know the cover between cover and concealment. the brick wall is cover. the hedge is concealment. don't mix up the two. let's go to the story. the nra fairy tales. i feel awkward. the stories are chalk full of violence. stories are safer when heros have guns. another said guns improve all

stories which up until the end of b block was going to be tonight's quote of the evening. but we have beaten it and i will tell you what beat it. fairy tales are disgusting and despicable horror stories. you said the purpose of fairy tales is to scare the daylight out of kids. there is no conflict. everybody is in complete agreement that fairy tales suck. you shouldn't tell fairy tells to your kids. i would never tell them one of these horrible pieces of crap. i don't know how they stuck along as long as they did. if i can ask you what is your faff re-- favorite fairy tale? >> die hard? >> that is pretty good. >> do you have a favorite gun? >> a glock. >> yeah. the pie chart and accuracy, you got yourself another wedge of pie right there.

obama talking about capitalism and come communism. you know what, when you played the clip of obama it made the gi joe burp in his mouth. >> they were quoting adam smith. never eat sushi from a new new york city deli buffet. >> you disagree? >> and jono, you said communists are hosting him. as a guest you need something good to say. he was just being polite. i see your point there. you don't think there was pandering involved? it was just being polite? >> it was a healthy mixture of

the two. >> you can still be polite. >> going to the next story, organ donation, what do you put as a value on one of my kidneys? >> the a normal is is twice as much and cost $100,000. i have the other kid who has to make up for the loss of the kidney. it is a lot of work for the one kidney. you take one out and the other grows to fill up the space. >> do you want my kidney? >> i am just asking. i do belien grow. you can slice up yours into nice pieces of pie and sell them on the open market. >> who doesn't like kidney pie? so dc you said this oregon thing will lead to an oregon app, but isn't that what

tinder is all for? and is it true you already sold your second kidney for a case of merlot? >> i lost my second case of kidney to merlot. batman versus superman and i agreed to play and this is one of the worst films i have ever seen in my life. if this isn't the worst, what is is the worst we have ever seen? >> i don't know. i can't remember other films. i am right there with you. so disgusted. here comes the winning quote of the night. it beat out the earlier quote 3w all stories are better with guns. he said and i quote, food, tainted by human suffering.

that starts a whole new ready made foods. the answer to how many sweaters bob owns is 415. i think that pretty much ends it for me as you can see behind me the team is falling apart. i don't know where to go with this. thank you very much. i'm done. >> time to take a break. drugs when we come back.

>> it is a war in the war on drugs. they are demanding a new approach to drug control. ex-presidents from brazil, mexico, nigeria and switzerland make their case in the war on drugs. the founder of virgin airlines wrote the book's introduction which makes me think his planes are not the only thing that are getting high. the group hopes to influence diplomats for -- with the u.n general assembly. the last such gathering was in

1998 when the summit slogan was yoquiro taco bell. actually it was a drug free world, we can do it. they delivered a little bit. >> the drug free world idea, that ridiculous notion is precisely what is is wrong with the drug war. it is built on all of these really bad half baked ideas about the nature of drugs and what we can do and about how bad a problem addiction is. i am glad so many people are waking up to criminalizing drugs because they have a problem with addiction. i am concerned that 100% of the people who use drugs like heroin or meth need treatment. most people who use those drugs are not addicts. if we talk about alcohol the way -- >> are you talking heroin? i that the they -- i thought

they were addicted. >> most who use heroin they are not addicts. we would emphasize that some people are winos and homeless and never talk about the fact that most of us will have a drink and that's fine. >> camille is way out there. >> the irony is he is not that far out there when it comes to the heroin epidemic. indiana which we cannot say is a liberal state has a needle sharing program because heroin through the roof when the oxycontin prices went up. let's not kid ourselves. marijuana has been legal for white people for about 30 years. >> not for me. >> because it is 10 times more likely for a black person to be stopped for weed. if i am stopped and frisk it is usually a crompette. >> i get it. >> they target the minority

populations and use it as an extension of the tax. >> make it quick. >> should we loosen up on the laws? >> i want to blame a perfect world. >> you probably saw that? >> our theater fraternity did a production of it. >> you did live theater? >> i was president -- i wasn't allowed. >> we will close things out with a bedtime story. [woodworker] i live in the fine details. that's why i run on quickbooks. i use the payments app to accept credit cards... ...and everything autosyncs. those sales prove my sustainable designs are better for the environment and my bottom line. that's how i own it.

♪ no, you're not ♪ yogonna watch it! ♪tch it! ♪ ♪ we can't let you download on the goooooo! ♪

♪ you'll just have to miss it! ♪ yeah, you'll just have to miss it! ♪ ♪ we can't let you download... uh, no thanks. i have x1 from xfinity so... don't fall for directv. xfinity lets you download your shows from anywhere. i used to like that song. horses to wear diapers, but people aren't listening and neither are the horses. they passed a law requiring horses to wear diaper on city streets. few riders did. they say the streets are a smelly, unsan terry mess. the police department promised to be what stricter about issuing citations to the diaperless horses. the problem is this politician

doesn't like horses unlike some politicians i know. >> i don't know if you know this about me, but i'm very, very well known in the horse racing industry. the thorough breads love me. i will make sure you stay on top in this base. >> that was the first trump of the show. did we talk about trump until now? let's talk about the horses. >> that's adorable. they are dressed like human babies. it is good to know when i am elderly and loose bowels there is a dye better company with a diaper large enough for me to fit in. >> i didn't even say that. >> i go there. >> they have these things called buck qets. what do you think of that? >> i think it should be used and they should come to washington and clean up the

harass crap here. >> maybe put some diaper on the politicians. >> is that a horse diaper? in new york it is basically a bucket under the horse. that's more elaborate. of course you will say it is too much government inter inter intervention. >> a trampoline with the horse to catch the poo falling down. that seems like an interesting idea. >> that's what it is. you're right. that would be problematic. sweeping up? >> exactly. in new york you have to clean up after your pets. there is someone on my street who does not clean up after their dog and yp afraid i will step in poo.

if your horse takes a crap you have to clean it up jie. special thanks to michelle nosuchunsky. that does it for me.

>> i'm bob massi. for 34 years, i've been practicing law and living in las vegas, the center of the recent real-estate crisis. lives were destroyed from coast to coast as the economy tanked. now, well, it's a different story. the american dream is back, and nowhere is that more clear than the sunshine state of florida. so we headed from the strip to the beach to showyou how to live the american dream. i'm gonna meet real people who are facing serious problems, take you behind the gates of properties you have to see to believe, and give you the tips that everyone needs to navigate the new landscape, because information is power, and the property man has got you covered. [ woman vocalizing ]