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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  April 16, 2016 7:00pm-8:01pm PDT

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joining us, the greg gutfeld show is next, we'll see you next week, . well, time to go to the bathroom, ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] hi, i'm greg gutfeld, or as they call me at the home, open road johnny, here is what is coming up, trump, cruz, john kasich, we'll talk about them during the hour because that is what we do here on cable tv, plus, hillary clinton tells a joke, and look at the gop candidates, let's get started, america, i'm getting my tail waxed in an hour, let's welcome tonight's guest, he is so tough he flosses with barbed wire, she is so sharp she can slice tomatoes with her thoughts, it's fox news correspondent abby
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huntsman, this man is so cool you can store beer in his cheeks, the actor, director, producer, the legendary steven baldwin, they say her liver is haunted because it's always full of spirits, it's joanne nosuchinsky, the drunk, and she won a gold medal in sneering, it's the national review reporter, ckatharine timpf, in new york, they showed up for a rally, it's hard work, people, so i sent somebody else who fit in much better, miles mcinnes, he is a stay at home brother,
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also the brother of gavin mcinnes. >> hey, guys, we're hear at the bernie sanders rally and we'll talk about how awesome he is and talk about platitudes, but without getting specific because math is super boring, ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> what's your favorite thing about the bern meister? >> the bernmeister? >> that's my new name for him, what is the specific thing that would be going down? into how about recycling. >> i think he has good ideas. >> like what? >> just everything he has been fighting for, he has not changed his views --
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>> like what? >> i don't know, what would you say, brandon? >> i have no thought, so -- >> how does it get me out to the individual colleges? >> i really don't know. >> but the taxpayers will pay for it. >> it's an efficient way to get bread and make sure everybody gets bread at the right time they deserve it, so it works. >> controversial, what i mean is the corruption, the role of money and the elite special interests in politics. >> you know, i kind of tuned it there, when you said specials and hear just like pan-seared --
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>> people who make 10 million or more -- >> that sounds reasonable, what happens when you start to make $10 million or more? >> i doubt it won't happen, if i make that much i'll give it away, so i wouldn't make that much anyway. >> there you have it folks, the top 10%, the government is spending $10 billion a day and these people are excited because somebody is going to spend more money and have a bigger government, give me my brief case. >> all right, so bernie actually is doing pretty good mainly because hillary is doing so bad, first she did what all people who are running for president should do tell a joke involving the phrase "colored people". >> thanks for the endorsement, bill, took you long enough.
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>> oh -- sorry, hillary, i was running on cp time -- that's not -- i don't know like jokes like that. >> cautious politician time. >> that was harder to watch than this. >> whatever happened to our love ♪ ♪ ♪ i wish i understood ♪ ♪ it used to be so nice ♪ ♪ it used to be so good ♪ >> underrated film, then she trashed all white people at a black event. >> white americans need to do a much better job of listening when african-americans talk about the seen and unseen barriers you face every day, we need to recognize our privilege
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and practice humility. >> hillary condemning privilege is like her husband slamming infidelity, and did you say that debate? it was a kamikaze attack on your ears. >> now, wait a minute, wait a minute, i have stood on the debate stage with senator sanders eight prior times. >> senator, please -- secretary, secretary -- >> let's do it. >> if we're both screaming at -- >> please don't talk over each other. >> it's like two bitter ant -- aunts having it out after a glass of sherry, and even though everything he says is wrong it's okay because bernie means it, how is it possible? it is possible if you know nothing about economics, to him, to bernie, economics works like
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this. >> ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ now, it's night a finite pie regulated by colored unicorns, if you don't get that no wonder he thinks he can run a country -- the latest poll is talking about who could beat trump, he would leave the meeting with nothing like a barrel, ask him what he would do with isis he would say get him to recycle,
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yet millions love him, to embrace sanders is to embrace a century that can go nowhere but down, i get it, he is likeable so hire him to babysit your cat, i know from personal experience it's hard work. >> all right, okay, steven, are you worried? >> a little bit. >> yeah, it could happen, we could have a sanders presidency. >> well, this is a guy when a sparrow landed on his podium, his interpretation was it was a dove working for world peace, i'm a little nervous. >> i'm scared, because he is so likeable, abby, that he could get elected just because he is like a jewish santa claus giving away stuff, and does that make
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sense? >> yes, totally makes sense, definitely continue to hear from a lot of his supporters, i think the person who should be a little nervous right now is hillary clinton because she thought she would have this totally locked up by march and here we are almost in may, and she is still going up against bernie sanders, a 72-year-old from vermont, looking at the polls it shows he continues to dominate with everybody 45 and younger. >> it's always a dude, you keep thinking maybe bill would stop, he never stopped, now she is thinking bernie, when is he going to stop? he is not going to stop, the men in her life don't stop. >> and i needed a bottle of xanax to watch that, but even just watching the reruns, it's
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watching an extremism socialist debating with a feminist who finally outed about being a socialist, it was interesting to hear them talk about the war, bringing everything we could to bear to it, then they said it was climate change. >> it's the climate change that is going around beheading people, joanne, you're a woman. >> what? >> we've seen the papers, are they going to stick with hillary clinton for that reason and that reason alone? the chromosomal evidence? >> some people will, definitely, because i think it's the progressive move to have a woman in the white house, unfortunately, young people we have this progressive itch. >> that is kind of gross. >> but bernie sanders is the one who is scratching it, he has -- >> even worse. >> bernie has the touch while hillary is out of touch.
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>> very good, if my doctor told me i had a progressive itch i would be very worried. >> it's scary, though, i dislike hillary clinton very much so, i do not want her to be president but i would rather her be president than bernie sanders, so people have to start thinking that way, and i don't think they are. >> they're not thinking, they're still in their academic cocoons. >> voting for sanders is a therapy catch, when it is for therapy you don't actually have to think about the facts, right? >> yes, a lot of people voting for bernie sanders, they don't have self-esteem, i think i have the temperament -- it's all
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privilege, greg, believe in yourself, you don't vote for bernie sanders. >> before we go on to trump, baldwin, last word, do you think these two have a chance to be president? >> who? >> hillary or sanders. >> i'm calling it now, gutfeld, i'm saying that crush is getting the nomination and he will crush hillary clinton, i'm calling it now. >> trump it, somebody loaded my audience with trump -- >> it's a crooked show, this is rigged! this is rigged! telling you it's rigged. all right, coming up, i hit one unlucky audience member to do my laundry while i wear it, but trump, cruz, john kasich, they're not just running for prosecu
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as the primary approaches things are getting interesting. and by interesting, i mean seeing your parents making out. >> the chapter begins with me watching pornography on the internet with sandra day o'connor. it was a bit of a bizarre case, it was the first of the porn cases to go to the supreme court. and just o'connor, she leaned forward and squinted and said, oh, my, i
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thought i was the only one. >> sandra, by the way, don't ever tell that story again. >> cruz' daughter trolled him. >> i was back for caroline's daddy/daughter picnic at school, which featured all the dads running and playing games. >> and my favorite. >> your favorite was she got to dress up daddy in this like pink boa and these goofy underwear. >> and it was on a videotape the whole time. and that was the class video they're sending out to all the parents. >> oh, really? hm. lesson, if you're going to use your kid as a prop, make sure the prop is not smarter than you. so what takes the cake? the soup? >> when i married ted, we got back from the honeymoon and he went to the store and i was by
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myself, and i was completely shocked to see he brought back 100 cans of soup, i never bought 100 of anything. >> okay, weird? no. it's genius, see, cruz is basically saying to his new wife, life is going to be so awesome with me who has time to chew. i did the math, and if you chew the creamy broth. meanwhile, trump cruised with a denver-sized tantrum. now, complaining about that caucus is a little like complaining about missing a dental appointment. don't blame the dentist, you should have been put a post-it note saying don't forget about colorado, meanwhile, after the charge of yanking michelle
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fields, that is great. because we'll never see this footage again, i've seen that more often than my own feet. and more good news, hoping he will adjust his temperament, don't hold your breath, but it could be over for donald, friday, some apprentice contestants announced they are not voting for trump. >> i am here because i am deeply concerned and disturbed by the impact of donald trump's divisiveness on our nation. >> but we also need a leader who can unite us as a country which you are clearly not doing well and you are falling very short. >> trump is not the candidate for america. >> well, i think we can all agree by saying, who you are? >> here he is. >> apprentice alumni, thoughts
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on these? >> well, i thought about it. i was on celebrity apprentice one season, then i was chosen to be on celebrity apprentice all-stars, and i don't remember those folks. so i'm just curious, you know, when you're just a regular joe celebrity apprentice, it makes sense you may have that opinion, seems to me they're a little bitter they're not all-stars. >> they're not all-stars, they're at the bottom of the happy. >> obviously, if i was not an all-star on celebrity apprentice for mr. trump, i wouldn't be here now would i? >> oh, that is not true. you are way for trump. >> i want to win. i think if we don't win all of this is moot. and in my opinion, i'll say it again, i said it before, he is not a politician, yes, he is a little kooky and i like him for
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that reason and i really think economically first he is going to really make positive improvements and he is the guy. >> what do you think, abby? >> well, i would say it is interesting when you think about how many people worked for donald trump over the years, very few have actually come out and told bad stories about him. >> yeah, because they're dead. he has them killed. let's face it america, just kidding. >> you know, i spent the last two days at trump rallies, most supporters say exactly what you did. they say i don't agree with everything that donald trump says but i like he is different and says it like it is. they like he is not this politician. and cat said it earlier. we forget in election cycles we vote on our emotions, we are angry sometimes when they're in office, but every time we go in the voting booth we say who is going to make our lives better and who is speaking our
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language? >> is he speaking your language, pete? >> not always. in 2008, america projected their hope and change on barack obama, that was an open can of soup on what we got. i think right now we're projecting something other than mom jeans from barack obama, to donald trump. we want a tough leader to bring america back, but as a conservative who doesn't want the establishment, there is also a guy there who has been a constitutional conservative for a long time and stood up to the establishment in washington, d.c., fault for his principles and also wants to restore america. people may not love everything about him, he is a little awkward, i don't care if my guy is awkward, i want a commander-in-chief, and i want somebody with conservative principles who will bring america back. >> i think -- i think he changed some minds there. this is really getting interesting, joe, you have some kind of metaphor, i'm sure. >> oh, i do, it was recently in
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"the washington post" -- >> "the wall street journal." i think he realizes while some get behind his person, others don't. it's like a movement. you talk often about being rigged. he always thinks about everything being rigged. colorado is like wall street to bernie, like getting in the way of democracy, like holding the voter, influencing the voter. that is what he is focusing on now. i think he will bring even more voters in that way. >> he is very polarizing in that way. there is nobody that says trump, it's okay. there is nobody that says i love trump, or i can't say. there is no middle ground. >> he has 45% of the delegates. >> the rigged system is helping him. do you think he will pivot
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the way they say -- he has not installed the software on being more presidential. do you think it will happen? >> i think it would be more boring if he did. i also want to say i totally understand the soup thing. first time i agreed with ted. campbell's chunky soup is delicious, why would you not want 100 of them? seriously, it's warm, communi comforting, you don't have to go to the store. i think it's a wonderful story. why does everybody think it's weird? >> campbell soup is comforting, but if you go out and buy 100 of them, you're whacko. >> and you get so excited. you're loading up your cart. skipping up on home next thing you know heidi is complaining about it?
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get out of here. ted, i'll take the soup. >> steven, you're on to something here. he may be way ahead of everybody else. ted cruz was the first prepper. >> he may be ready to push the button, he has 100 cans of soup. >> he bought the soup because he knows trump is going to be president. he is already calling william devane. going to get a reverse mortgage and get us all a big catheter. and the big silo of seeds. >> gold from roslin capital. >> we love our advertisers. >> up next, the story so good looking you want to ask it to the prom and it will probably say no. but first, the plan involving isis. and does it involve coldplay and gitmo. i hope so.
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he has new information on propaganda, kill them with laughter. >> don't laugh, but i think comedy should be deployed. we see people who have all the signs of really -- show business. it's like you speak violence, you speak their language. but you laugh at them when they're two-stepping down the street and it takes away their power. so i'm suggesting that the senate send in amy schumer and chris rock, and sacha cohen. >> now, could it work? i don't know, i wasn't listen a-- listening, however, one subject was actually the subject of a documentary on successful integration in sweden, which begs the question, who would ever watch a documentary on successful integration in
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succe sweden? it doesn't exist, i actually think bono is onto something, what do you think? >> i actually don't think he is onto something -- well played. i mean, isis would laugh at us, all they would do is confirm the absolute decadence of amy schumer, who has funny movies and i enjoy them. i don't want to get morbid, but the last woman who went there was a sex slave, that is how they view women. listen, he figured out as we talked about before that free markets are better than giving away aid. >> i have a theory, steven, i think bono, it was a sly critique on the choices celebrities make to protest. he was saying you guys protest fracking and you protest the
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environment, race, sexism, this is actually something you should look at. do you think he was maybe doing that or >> i have n know, i turn 50 next month. and bono is 55. and you know, there is kind of this hormone balancing they can do now. and -- for me, what is really creepier about that is god bless bono, he is a talented guy and gave us wonderful music. but to say what he said and then afterwards i read something afterwards where it said something like, well, haha, hehe, like that was funny, bono, he was like no, i'm serious, i meant it. strange. >> but abby, so many celebrities are terrified of talking about isis because they're so afraid
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of. >> he is assuming that terrorists are somehow real human beings, like the real terrorists, they have real human emotions, that they can laugh and feel with music. and the one you just mentioned, that polish guy maybe he was unique, but for the most part we're not talking about real human beings here. i wish that that worked. but the reality is laughing is not going to get them to stop what they're doing. >> and also, cat, a lot of these guys joining isis have already been immersed in pop culture. they come from england, america, they listen to hip-hop. i don't know if music and comedy would work on them at this point. >> i don't think they find us very funny. i think they find a lot of things about us but not funny. what did you mean you think he was onto something? he is not -- i'm serious, greg, what is he onto?
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>> he is onto the idea -- now i got to remember what i said. he is willing to talk about it. i think that he might be poking other celebrities to finally say something? >> huh? >> i idolize bono, i want to get him on this show, cat, so i'm trying not to insult him for god sake. joanne, what if we sent soldiers disguised as comedians and they all showed up to seef amy schumer and then we killed them all? >> i think we should just put on a production of sister act, if we're going to role play or do all of these things to entertain them. i found the musical very entertaining. and whoopi goldberg, and bono has good points about helping refugees. which is a good pitch. yeah, focus on that. i think when you're a celebrity you can do a lot of good. when it comes to
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working with terrorists, i don't think that any type of philosophical move would do it. >> and there was more about soccer and integration, turns out if you just play soccer with the radical islam iists, it's a good. turns out not so much. >> it helped me, i was in aso for five years and i'm not a terrorist. coming up, my birthday, not until september but you can start planning now. i wear a media. why is match.com get crap for their campaigning? i have no idea, i'm married. stick around. >> if you will be in the new york area and would like to be part of our audience, e-mail gregtixfoxnews.com. olay total effects
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their spot put people with
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spots on the spot. according to a new match.com ad that was in the subways, freckles are considered disgusting flaws that must be done away with. it shows a freckled model saying if you don't like your imperfections, someone else will. angry twitters called the website out for bullying. match.com said they're taking down the ad after tweeting freckles are beautiful, we celebrity them as we celebrity anything that is unique. we're sorry if we offended anybody with the ad. they replaced the new ad saying that freckles are great, even on fat girls. don't you understand? that is even more offensive, match.com, that is more offensive. take that down, too. let's go to the girls, first. >> yeah, please. >> yeah, cat, couldn't you argue that this is pro-freckles because it raised awareness?
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>> i could write, what the hell, they're freckles activists now? shut up. if you like your imperfections it's probably good that you're self-aware and can work on fixing them. or just learn to love being alone, either one works, i have dabbled in both. and if that is your -- come on, man, they're freckles, i have moles. i have one right here, one right here, i don't think about them that often. >> no, you don't, but you know where they are. >> a few of them, i'm sure i'm missing some. they're all real. >> joanne, this point has to be interesting in an unspeakable truth, our preferences inadmissible? if you prefer scottish girls with long legs does that make you racist? >> that depends, on the bachelors, there is a whole lot of girls to choose from but you
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can tell he has a type and is eliminating all the different looking girls. and you're like oh, wow, everybody knows we all have preferences. >> well, i love freckles, i say more of them. abby, i don't see many on you -- >> i have a ton of freckles. >> prove it. >> you see the close-up on my shoulder -- those are imperfections, then i'm a gigantic imperfection. as you say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder -- >> what about blind people? you make me sick. >> i want to defend match.com, though, there are freckles and there are freckles. did you see that post eposter? >> yeah, i think it was doctored, though, steven? >> i'm surprised you actually used heinous and freckles in the same sentence. when i leave here
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i'm going to immediately go will you start a punk band with me called heinous freckle? >> they're going to open up for the imagine dragons, you know, there is a different type of intolerism, one thing is being creepy, and know knowing your cre creepy. and if you have greasy hair or long finger nails -- essentially harry reid. got money from trump, by the way. >> he doesn't like it when you point that out. >> i will edit it out. no, i'm not, i'm leaving it in. don't go anywhere, i brought candy for everybody. no, i didn't, i lied. up next. not thrilled with the
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if you can flip a house, why not a candidate.
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take a fixer uper and turn it into a pristine gem. and so i asked joanne and katherine to come up with a new show called "flip this candidate" and they came up with this. >> coming up this season "flip this candidate ". >> you have three gop candidates, but they have all problems with them, and i can't really see any future, and so i was looking to remodel. >> well, the first one, i mean, it is just not that exciting when i look at it, and i'm also concerned that it has been on the market as long as the other one, and not much interest. >> one tof the things that i hae learned through the campaign is that it is the job of the leader to first slow down. >> yeah, i see. built in 1952, and very strong foundation, but unfortunately no curb appeal. i would do some cosmetic changes mostly. i would add a new inviting entry way, and maybe some sleek
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high-end finishes. i would do maybe the decor that is more inviting and more hip. >> and the second one is harder. you can see that this guy, he looks great at first, and he grabs your attention, but the more i learn, the more i just don't know what to expect. >> so they said, oh, be more specific. i don't have to be specific. >> yeah, okay. i have seen it before. 1946 new york mansion, and very appealing on the outside, but there is some structural issues. the whole foundation is pretty much leaning left, so we would need to fix the cracks in the foundation, and then i might take down a few of the walls on the inside for a more open concept flow, and i'd add a welcome mat. >> the last one is so outdated i don't know if we can work wit anymore. >> i think that where we are today is very, very much like the late 1970s. >> ooh, yeah, nobody liked that 1970s bungalow style. we need a whole got on the
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inside. add some chrome finishes, and we would stick to the sleek line, and maybe some charming fabric, and some colors that compliment the neighborhood. >> and the smile? >> well, that is going to go away. >> i'm so excited. >> all right. let's go to it. >> all right. it is day one, and dem e mow day. >> i 'm a little nervous, because i have invested so much into the three, but i feel like a nip is exactly what they need. >> it is. all right. the cameras are over here, and let's get to it. ♪ >> i usually find the change overwhelming, but this is almost fun. i started to feel like the whole thing could cost me my retirement, and i will be trillions of dollars of debt. if the it is a huge mistake, i have to live with it for the next four years. we are way overbudget, but who cares. kat is going to love it.
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it has been quite a journey, kat, but you are going to to be seeing the new and improved candidat candidate. >> okay. will let me take my hands over my ice and the suspense is going to kill me. >> and let me see what ted cruz is looked like before. >> look at that. whoa! it is way better. >> that is 4,600 square feet and four bedrooms and 3 1/2 baths. if you think that is great. close your eyes for the next one. >> okay. >> get a reminder of donald trump before, and here you go, open up your eyes. >> up believable. you did that? i feel so saved. i can't believe it is the same candidate. unbelievable. >> and close your eyes for the last one. you are going the love it. and a reminder of what john kasich looked like before. and here he is now. open up your eyes. >> whoa, that is a whole new john. >> whole new. >> and much improved. >> oh, thank you so much.
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i'm so happy. i am so happy. >> wonderful. >> thank you, thank you. >> time for me to find more politicians to flip. [ laughter ] >> that is -- [ applause ] i learned one thing that you guys watch a lot of those show, because it is note by note perfection. all right. we have to take a break, and when we come back, more stuff. [ applause ] go ahead... leave the competition behind. lexus gs 350 and 200 turbo. there's no going back. hey buddy, you're squashing me!
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(two text tones) now? (text tone) excuse me. (phone tone) again? be right back. always running to the bathroom because your bladder is calling the shots? (text tone) you may have oab. enough of this. we're going to the doctor. take charge and ask your doctor about myrbetriq. that's myr-be-triq, the first and only treatment... ...in its class for oab symptoms of urgency... ...frequency, and leakage. myrbetriq (mirabegron) may increase blood pressure. tell your doctor right away if you have trouble emptying your bladder, or have a weak urine stream. myrbetriq may cause serious allergic reactions. if you experience... ...swelling of the face, lips, throat or tongue or difficulty breathing, stop taking myrbetriq and tell your doctor right away. myrbetriq may affect or be affected by other medications. before taking myrbetriq... ...tell your doctor if you have liver or kidney problems. common side effects include increased blood pressure... ...common cold symptoms, urinary tract infection... ...and headache. it's time for you to make the calls, so call your doctor to see if ...myrbetriq may be right for you. visit myrbetriq.com to learn more.
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if time is infinite, why is there never enough of it? a john deere 1 family tractor with quik-park lets you attach and go. imatch quick-hitch gives you more time for what you love. so it takes less work to do more work. autoconnect drive-over mower deck? done. they're not making any more land. but there's plenty of time if you know where to look. all john deere compact tractors come with an industry-best, six-year, no-cost powertrain warranty.
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hey pal? you ready? can you pick me up at 6:30? ah... (boy) i'm here! i'm here! (cop) too late. i was gone for five minutes! ugh! move it. you're killing me. you know what, dad? i'm good. (dad) it may be quite a while before he's ready, but our subaru legacy will be waiting for him. (vo) the longest-lasting midsize sedan in its class. the twenty-sixteen subaru legacy. it's not just a sedan. it's a subaru. all right. the final thoughts to the upcoming primary, and take it away, pete. >> we talked about the rigged audience. >> and i would say that donald trump has two hands the main hand to get to 1,237 and the other hand is the optic that he is being treated unfairly by the
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rigged system is, and running as a third party candidate to give us hillary clinton, and let ees ho's hope that does not happen. >> wow. abby. >> i would say it is so unpredictable, and if anybody knows what is going to happen, they are fool iing themselves, d that is what is going to make it so fun, and don't say that you know what is going to happen, because it could change tomorrow. >> and what about you with the family gather inings? >> i don't know what you are talking about. >> i think that as i said, i think that, you have a lot of folks that are very quiet right now, that are secretly really go going to come out to support mr. trump, and i think that if mr. trump continues as he is, and prepares himself for the debates with hillary later on and he does not say anything negative about like -- >> everybody. >> heinous freckles. >> heinous freckles? >> yeah, we should be okay. >> and thanks to the top secret
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band that will be performing at the international tattoo festival june 21st through the 24th, and wow. i'm greg gut feld, and for all of us here, good night, america. # thank you. welcome to "red eye." hello, everyone. i'm tom shillue, and i'm hoping that andy is behind me at the red eye desk so we can know what we are discussing. >> i am indeed here, tom, and tonight, no stories about donald trump. that is right, it is a trump-free show. ♪ >> usa, usa, usa! usa, usa,

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